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Post by Fireleap on Jul 31, 2020 23:08:01 GMT -5
I've been a pretty lonely person for a long time but recently it's getting a lot worse. I moved cities a few years ago and lost contact with some of my close friends who don't/didn't have phones. I did keep in contact with my best friend though, but starting December of last year she hasn't been starting conversations with me. I'm almost always the one who reaches out, when it used to be pretty even between us. She CONSTANTLY talks about her new friends and refers to them as "the group". I have no problem with her making new friends, I'm actually really happy for her, but it really hurts to be constantly reminded that one of if not my only friend considers me to be lesser than her new friends. I have two "friends" at my current school, and even that's a stretch. I'm so lonely all the time. The only one in my family I can talk to is my mom, and we frequently get into very heated fights. I am closer to my online friends than I am to the ones I know in real life.
Speaking of my mom, every time I mention that I don't want a spouse or kids my mom laughs it off with a "That'll change when you're older". I can't tell her I'm aro/ace because she wouldn't believe me. It hurts to have my sexuality and my wish for no kids so easily dismissed by my only family.
I'm overweight. I hate it so much. People can pull off being overweight/obese and look wonderful, but I just look disgusting. I hate looking in a mirror because every time I do I'm reminded of how ugly I look. |
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Post by ehela on Jul 31, 2020 23:34:29 GMT -5
my family is in shambles and im at rock bottom lol
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Post by mocatstar on Aug 4, 2020 10:36:22 GMT -5
Depression is hitting harder than usual and I'm struggling not to cause any pain to myself to distract myself from it.
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Aug 4, 2020 11:08:22 GMT -5
I’m ready for Covid to be over with
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Aug 6, 2020 20:57:05 GMT -5
Recently my mental health has probably gone through the toilet. I have way more stress on my shoulders than the normal human being. So much so that its become second nature to be stressed. Covid hasn't helpes at all. The only thing thats been a slight bit of help has surprisingly been Warrior cats. same. its like re-discovering your favorite childhood blanket, a familiar sense of security. |
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Post by Cosmos on Aug 7, 2020 1:14:42 GMT -5
Visiting family in another province and I really just wanna go home ;-;
The anxiety didn’t even knock it just busted the door down and invited itself in
I miss my cat and my house and there’s no damn forest here and even though that’s normal my brain insists that it’s weird and i feel almost claustrophobic with no ocean
Everything in me feels just kinda hollow and exhausted
Man I wanna go home I just wanna be back home where things feel Right and the smell is Summer summer summer and the wind is softened by the trees instead of body checking the house but I still got 3 days to go
And I know that this is good that I’m here. like, it’s super important to ME that I’m here cause that’s big for me
But I still just wanna go home
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Post by VIXENCLAW on Aug 10, 2020 19:28:50 GMT -5
I wish my parents prioritized and cared about my needs as much as they did for my siblings. I’ve been needing to have a dentist appointment for my majorly messed up teeth for YEARS, and I’ve been reminding my mother every. single. day. to schedule it. She always makes up excuses saying how she’s too busy and I’m not reminding her enough.
But when my brother mentions to her that he would like to schedule a test for his license, she gets him an appointment the next day.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Aug 11, 2020 14:37:28 GMT -5
@ all the californians moving to texas
go away
we dont want you here
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Post by ash on Aug 14, 2020 17:05:46 GMT -5
no friends and no goals in life gang rise up
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Aug 16, 2020 21:53:31 GMT -5
I’m tired as hell send help
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Aug 17, 2020 11:07:11 GMT -5
you actually reminded me to take mine thank u! dal |
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Post by mocatstar on Aug 19, 2020 20:17:04 GMT -5
There’s so much freaking smoke outside I can’t see the sun California has another fire apparently what the hell did you guys do??
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Post by Showers on Aug 20, 2020 0:26:50 GMT -5
cpstd and adhd really do be kicking my ass huh
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Post by VIXENCLAW on Aug 22, 2020 0:05:22 GMT -5
Well this is just great :/
I’m pretty much being forced to live at the campground my parents run because back home in Minneapolis the crime rate is really high right now. I’d normally be fine with it but the people here don’t care about the virus at all and it’s driving me crazy.
There’s literally a guy here who HAS the coronavirus but he’s “quarantining” at his campsite. Guess where his RV is? Literally 5 feet from our backyard. And my mom thinks she’s immune so she talks to him when he’s sitting out on his porch. My high-risk grandpa also lives here, if he catches it he’s probably dead. I wish the older members of my family weren’t so dense.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 22, 2020 13:07:49 GMT -5
Sometimes I wonder if there's even a point in being nice to people, it seems like no matter what you do, there will be people who dislike you.
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Aug 22, 2020 18:08:26 GMT -5
Wish my coworkers would do their jobs properly and be reliable.
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Post by ssquiffy on Aug 25, 2020 1:53:21 GMT -5
im so alone
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Post by VIXENCLAW on Aug 25, 2020 19:10:14 GMT -5
I’m so sick of hearing dad preaching about how about Trump is a savior and liberals are demonic every. single. night.
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Post by ♥𝔉𝔯𝔬𝔰𝔱ℜ𝔬𝔰𝔢♥ on Aug 25, 2020 19:18:07 GMT -5
I’ve never hated my job. But since COVID has started, its become the hardest thing to love. Being a healthcare worker, is dreaded. And everyday, I could scream. My anxiety and depression, have never been so horrible in my life.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2020 9:39:33 GMT -5
I woke up with so much anxiety my stomach hurt and my stomach still doesn't feel good
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Post by VIXENCLAW on Aug 28, 2020 10:31:14 GMT -5
i hate politics
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2020 17:15:48 GMT -5
I've had a rough day but Im slowly cheering up, sometimes you just need a good cry ❤️
Edit: my mom really cheered me up surprisingly lol
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#FFA887
star_green.png
Name Colour, Custom Stars
Papillon
Forum Pest
how lucky you are to have yourself
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Post by Papillon on Aug 29, 2020 17:34:46 GMT -5
I got stung by 13 wasps today, first day of my new job, when I went to sit behind the building at lunch. I had to leave four hours early. Lmao
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Aug 29, 2020 20:29:26 GMT -5
i'm going to be taken to a therapist sometime soon for a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation. my dad told me "if this doesn't help, i'm going to have to take you back over to (the mental hospital)" i'm not suicidal though....?
i have a feeling that today's gonna be one of those days that gets stored in my brain as trauma. never forgiving my dad for violating the boundaries i set just so he can make himself feel better as a father.
i feel awful. i'm so tired of feeling helpless. i'm never forgiving my dad. i told him i don't trust him and instead of giving me any reason why i should trust him he just said something like "well frankly i don't trust you either, i give you all this stuff and you don't even respect me enough to be a part of the family. you see everything i gave you? why are you crying? what did i do to make you upset? is it the ukulele i gave you? the electronics? the bicycle helmet?" i was shrieking. i was at such a vulnerable point and that's how he treated me. i'm never forgiving him. it doesn't matter what he gives me because his treatment never changes. no material possession will mend trauma.
he said i didn't respect him enough to be a part of the family unit. he said he's only trying to do what's best for me. he asked me why i don't just discuss this like a normal person. he asked me why after all he's done for me i still hoard food in my room and i lie and i steal from his room. i know i do those things but he doesn't understand why. he'll never understand why because he still doesn't believe me when i tell him the neglect i faced when i was young traumatized me.
i steal food from his room and hoard food in my room because i'm scared that he's not going to feed me. i lie because i'm scared he's going to hit me. i promise i'm not malignant. i feel awful. i'm never forgiving him. raising his voice at me like that, violating my boundaries, i'm so tired of it. i'm so tired of this quarantine too because i need a hug.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2020 16:16:59 GMT -5
dal I hope you'll be okay <3 ........ do y'all ever feel like even tho you're saying things just to get them out you're afraid someonell think you're doing it for attention or something cuz that's me all the time I just want to get things out but now I'm like yeah nvm lol I just wanted to say I'm still a bit sad deep down and I guess that's just how it goes when you lose someone close to you or at least you thought (not death) also sad about Chadwick's death still cuz Black Panther inspired some of my story I'm rewriting Last edit since I'm the last post here I swear: I feel like just overall now would be a good time to see therapist but corona I think they're still closed and over the phone isn't an option for me for reasons Okay so edit: today ended good c: I'm hoping to manifest good energy for tomorrow
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Aug 31, 2020 10:45:34 GMT -5
waiting for covid test results is nerve wracking. not because im worried about having it (pretty sure ive already been exposed countless times and its super unlikely itll affect me) but because testing is so inaccurate and i dont want to isolate for two weeks. our campus has its own testing center so they'll email me within 35min if i'm positive...it's been 30min and no email so far...
EDIT: almost two hours and nothing so im assuming im negative, yay
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