Bisexual
King
trust yourself
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Post by King on Feb 24, 2021 14:10:34 GMT -5
Each time I return here it's just worse, and worse. I feel so depressed, my father not understanding me, or my boyfriend, or literally everyone it seems. I feel so alone, makes me wanna tear my hair out and scream. My grades have been declining, all I wanna do at this point is drugs. I feel like I'm going nowhere, I hate what I am. I hate how they see me as naive and I hate the fact I care, I hate how privileged I am and how people keep telling me that as if I don't already know, as if saying that to me will make the ghosts and pain vanish, as if I'm just confused or jealous or looking for attention. I could slit my throat right open in front of a crowed and they'd claim it to be performance. I'm so sick of feeling guilty, I always feel so guilty. I feel like a ghost, which I've been my entire life, my silence made me invisible to my peers. All my old friends left, I really don't have anyone that cares much besides my family, and some of them just hurt me more. I am as good as dead.
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Post by Skypaw13 on Feb 24, 2021 19:29:32 GMT -5
Not to be a grammar pedant or anything but like... English has rules, guys. And if you're a college senior in a natural science major, you should really know how to write a research paper. Or at least how to feed it through a grammar check. Holy shit.
Like actually, why did you think this was okay to submit? It's awful.
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Post by Sand on Feb 24, 2021 20:34:21 GMT -5
tmi female biology just started our NFP course together and while i've always known from past charting attempts that my cervical mucus is very low, i didn't realize just how obvious it should be until this course. like the female instructor was joking about how it should be like everywhere around ovulation time, meanwhile even with a digital self-examination i'm dry.
so basically i have a hormonal imbalance and fertility issues. yay....not like i didn't already feel broken.. I can relate to this so much. As someone with hormonal imbalance that has also caused fertility issues (thanks a lot), at times it is hard to not feel broken. I already have a disability that makes me feel broken enough, so my hormone condition does not make it any better if that makes sense. double tmi You have taught me something new though, I didn't know about the mucus thing and all until I read this.
Is there a way to do like a digital self-examination for free or does it require payment? I'm sorry if this is kind of odd to ask. |
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Cake
Pheonix
goodbye. I'm leaving the forums (for a while though I might come on here once a month or so)
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Post by Pheonix on Feb 24, 2021 21:42:14 GMT -5
I hate my dad and his wife - simple truth most of you might not believe in the elf on the shelf (I still know some people...) but when I told my stepsis that she cried and went to her mom *eye-roll* then I didn't get Christmas presents so now I bring that up to my dad and he yelled at me and took my stuff (toys, books) away and my door and I'm not going over there and if I wanna come back I have to do everything he says. -~- and they were ganging up on me and interrogating me while filming me |
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Feb 24, 2021 22:26:53 GMT -5
tmi female biology just started our NFP course together and while i've always known from past charting attempts that my cervical mucus is very low, i didn't realize just how obvious it should be until this course. like the female instructor was joking about how it should be like everywhere around ovulation time, meanwhile even with a digital self-examination i'm dry.
so basically i have a hormonal imbalance and fertility issues. yay....not like i didn't already feel broken.. I can relate to this so much. As someone with hormonal imbalance that has also caused fertility issues (thanks a lot), at times it is hard to not feel broken. I already have a disability that makes me feel broken enough, so my hormone condition does not make it any better if that makes sense. double tmi You have taught me something new though, I didn't know about the mucus thing and all until I read this.
Is there a way to do like a digital self-examination for free or does it require payment? I'm sorry if this is kind of odd to ask. I would also like to know this, I have hormone issues myself |
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Feb 24, 2021 22:29:57 GMT -5
a couple of days ago i mentioned to my friends that I was very depressed and needed someone to talk to. I was really really depressed. I’m doing better now but a few days ago I wasn’t. And I’m still kinda upset that only one person checked on me to make sure I was ok. no one else said a word. they still haven’t. and that hurts because if they felt like that I would make sure they felt ok and check on them but I didn’t even get that. I feel like they don’t care about me like I care about them.
am I over reacting?
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Cake
Pheonix
goodbye. I'm leaving the forums (for a while though I might come on here once a month or so)
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Post by Pheonix on Feb 24, 2021 22:55:42 GMT -5
no, your not I've had that situation before, there's nothing to do really about it just try to not be depressed and do something that makes you happy,. it will be up to other people to talk to you, but you can always try to start a convo =) you can always chat with me but im not going to be on all the time mostly in the evening/afternoon
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2021 9:41:42 GMT -5
a couple of days ago i mentioned to my friends that I was very depressed and needed someone to talk to. I was really really depressed. I’m doing better now but a few days ago I wasn’t. And I’m still kinda upset that only one person checked on me to make sure I was ok. no one else said a word. they still haven’t. and that hurts because if they felt like that I would make sure they felt ok and check on them but I didn’t even get that. I feel like they don’t care about me like I care about them. am I over reacting? Hell no! You're not overreacting at all. I went through a similar situation a couple of days ago and the fact that only one person out of a lot seemed to even notice hurt a lot and made me even more upset but I am eternally grateful for the one person who did show that they cared. However I know sometimes that people just don't know what to say to someone who is going through a tough time and they're not good with dealing with emotions and what not. However that doesn't make your feelings any less valid or that you are over-reacting. I hope you feel better soon |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 25, 2021 16:33:05 GMT -5
tmi female biology just started our NFP course together and while i've always known from past charting attempts that my cervical mucus is very low, i didn't realize just how obvious it should be until this course. like the female instructor was joking about how it should be like everywhere around ovulation time, meanwhile even with a digital self-examination i'm dry.
so basically i have a hormonal imbalance and fertility issues. yay....not like i didn't already feel broken.. I can relate to this so much. As someone with hormonal imbalance that has also caused fertility issues (thanks a lot), at times it is hard to not feel broken. I already have a disability that makes me feel broken enough, so my hormone condition does not make it any better if that makes sense. double tmi You have taught me something new though, I didn't know about the mucus thing and all until I read this.
Is there a way to do like a digital self-examination for free or does it require payment? I'm sorry if this is kind of odd to ask. nah your question is fine. by "digital" i mean with a finger. if i insert a finger up to a knuckle or two into the v****al canal, i should be able to collect enough mucus on my finger to be able to read its consistency and stuff (necessary for fertility charting). most women with healthy mucus production don't need to do that because there's enough collected externally. but i have so little that even digital examination comes out dry. i'm sorry you struggle with it, too. i think a lot of people have a hard time understanding why that can make us feel broken. just a general note to anyone: if you think you have hormonal issues, fertility charting can be really useful. it may help psychologically, because your reproductive system feels much less foreign and it's comforting to understand how to "read" it, it lends a stronger feeling of control over your body. but it's also super useful to show your doctor, as it can give them a much clearer idea of what's going on and how they might help best because fertility biomarkers are directly related to hormones. |
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Post by Sand on Feb 25, 2021 16:56:28 GMT -5
I can relate to this so much. As someone with hormonal imbalance that has also caused fertility issues (thanks a lot), at times it is hard to not feel broken. I already have a disability that makes me feel broken enough, so my hormone condition does not make it any better if that makes sense. double tmi You have taught me something new though, I didn't know about the mucus thing and all until I read this.
Is there a way to do like a digital self-examination for free or does it require payment? I'm sorry if this is kind of odd to ask. nah your question is fine. by "digital" i mean with a finger. if i insert a finger up to a knuckle or two into the v****al canal, i should be able to collect enough mucus on my finger to be able to read its consistency and stuff (necessary for fertility charting). most women with healthy mucus production don't need to do that because there's enough collected externally. but i have so little that even digital examination comes out dry. i'm sorry you struggle with it, too. i think a lot of people have a hard time understanding why that can make us feel broken. just a general note to anyone: if you think you have hormonal issues, fertility charting can be really useful. it may help psychologically, because your reproductive system feels much less foreign and it's comforting to understand how to "read" it, it lends a stronger feeling of control over your body. but it's also super useful to show your doctor, as it can give them a much clearer idea of what's going on and how they might help best because fertility biomarkers are directly related to hormones. ohh, okay, I understand now. I’ve had a test done like that before if I remember correctly. From what I can remember, I turned out very dry. I’m gonna assume it’s still the same at this point because the rest of it is lol I’m sorry too, it’s a struggle to deal with fertility and hormonal issues. It’s crushing. |
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ℊℓоω
ɴᴏ ᴀᴅᴍɪᴛᴛᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴇxᴄᴇᴘᴛ ᴏɴ ᴘᴀʀᴛʏ ʙᴜsɪɴᴇss
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Post by ℊℓоω on Feb 26, 2021 14:40:45 GMT -5
I'm going through a weird phase of life and it's uncomfy. I just graduated from college, which I know is an accomplishment. But now the expectation is that I get a good job and start doing that American 9 to 5 thing. I'm taking a certification course to be a paralegal. Not sure that it's what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it feels like a practical step given I don't know what else to do.
The problem is that I've always had high expectations for myself. I want to do something that is meaningful and which will make my family proud. But I also need a lot of alone time where I'm not thinking about work in order to feel fulfilled creatively and emotionally. I feel pressure from certain people (mostly my dad) to pursue writing professionally. But that's not as easy as it seems and I wouldn't even know where to begin.
Plus there's just this lingering sense that I'm falling behind all of my peers. I know it's all an illusion that my former classmates have their shit together, but it feels like everyone else is progressing normally and I'm just standing still. They all have committed partners, big career goals, and are living independently. I bounced back home to live with my mom for several reasons. The primary reason, though, is that I genuinely like spending time around my family. But even though I'm happy at home with her, I also feel like a failure for not venturing off to live somewhere else. And that just makes me hate the fact that Americans are told they should be independent as soon as they become adults. Especially with the economy and the state of the world as it is. Almost no one my age is financially independent enough to buy a house. Why is it wrong to value family? Maybe I just resent capitalism lmao
It all just feels like a weird catch-22. Like I can't ever relax and be creative unless I get a good enough job to support that? But if I get a good job, I'll probably end up like all of the older people around me where my entire life is consumed by work and I still never feel satisfied financially.
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Post by sand dollar on Feb 28, 2021 4:46:29 GMT -5
i have a million things due this upcoming week before finals :'^) and it's my fault. mental health pretty low at a time when i need to grind lol. can't wait for spring quarter to start fresh
though i am pretty into this girl that i've hung out with for a few months and today we went to the farmer's market together and i just feel so content. so that has been a positive thing lately
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Post by VIXENCLAW on Feb 28, 2021 20:34:02 GMT -5
I am so mentally exhausted from my teachers overloading me with so much homework. Last week I was assigned over 10 hours of work that I had to get done in one week, and that was just for ONE of my classes. She also assigns homework two days after our class, so in reality I only have 4-5 days. Now for another class I have to write an essay, do a worksheet, do a test, study for a test, submit a study guide, do another test, and spend a few extra hours reading from the textbook. And even though I read through everything in my textbooks my brain just doesn’t process the information and I forget everything within a few hours.
All this on top of the fact I probably have ADHD but I can’t afford the diagnosis. I’ve just been struggling so much this past school year and it’s so frustrating. I’m already failing one of my classes due to the fact I simply am so overloaded by other classes I can’t even put aside time to do it’s homework.
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Cake
Pheonix
goodbye. I'm leaving the forums (for a while though I might come on here once a month or so)
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Post by Pheonix on Feb 28, 2021 20:37:08 GMT -5
0.0 i feel sorry for you, i have a lot of homework too so I know what it feels like
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Post by ᴘᴏʟʏᴏɴʏᴍᴏᴜꜱ on Mar 1, 2021 17:21:49 GMT -5
school is taking over my life and my anxiety and depression feels 10x worse.
also some customer yelled at me while I was working last shift during a really low point of my day and now I feel uncomfortable to go back to work.
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Cake
Pheonix
goodbye. I'm leaving the forums (for a while though I might come on here once a month or so)
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Post by Pheonix on Mar 1, 2021 17:23:50 GMT -5
0.0
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Mar 6, 2021 12:14:45 GMT -5
i hate when i have an opinion/belief and people are like "nooo youre opinion isnt objective and people might be offended by it so you can't say it ever"
like b---- i know that the world views my opinion as subjective, that doesnt mean i think it is or that i prescribe to modern relativism
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Post by ash on Mar 7, 2021 9:54:07 GMT -5
the last few months have made me realize just how bad ive let my mental health become
ive been ignoring it for so long at this point i just feel disconnected from reality
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Aroace
#b6efff
Name Colour
Dɾҽαɱƈʅσυԃ
Villain Enjoyer
Arcane Season 2 has got me in a chokehold once again (do not send help)
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Post by Dɾҽαɱƈʅσυԃ on Mar 7, 2021 15:32:20 GMT -5
I see lots of posts about mental health not being that great for some people and I'm relating so much.
Somedays it feels like something is draining the happiness out of me and it sucks.
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Post by tallshadowstar on Mar 14, 2021 18:44:50 GMT -5
I'm back at my mom's place until the start of April. My brother is living here too; usually he's fine to be around and I love him, obviously, but god... he can be a real **** when he wants to.
Tonight at dinner I pointed out he had a slice of pizza still on his plate. I know he knew that; it was just a banal dumb comment and no one is immune from making them from time to time. I get how that can be annoying, but he decided to mutter "****ing autistic" under his breath in response.
Of course I called him on it. I'm autistic and he knows this. It's not a bad word, and I'm not ashamed of myself, but he was using it as a pejorative. Like, really? I say something dumb about pizza and you decide to weaponize my developmental disorder against me? I know all your damn insecurities since you love to vent to me about them, but even when I'm furious and know exactly what I could say to hurt you, I don't. I keep those thoughts in my damn head, because no matter how mad I get in the moment, I know intrinsically that I don't want to hurt you. Why am I not given the same courtesy?
I'm not super upset or furious or anything, just deeply disappointed that he chose to say this. I really thought he knew better.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Mar 14, 2021 20:20:49 GMT -5
Someone just smashed up the front of our new car when we were sitting at a stop light and the person in front of us reversed suddenly instead of going forward. Have literally not a clue how to deal with this. We barely scraped enough cash to get a new/used car in the first place...
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Mar 14, 2021 21:14:05 GMT -5
Also less serious I went to go see what happened to a favorite youtuber who went from posting weekly to not posting in 6 months and stumbled upon his reddit and twitter thinking id find out why he left only to find he's still active just spouting antisimetic bullcrap there. :/ immediately unsubscribed.
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Post by ๖ۣۜCrossroads on Mar 14, 2021 22:31:22 GMT -5
ive been in a bit of a slump for the past 2 weeks and i feel like my life is falling apart
2 weeks ago, i was driving home from school and ended up in a car crash that was totally my fault and im overwhelmed by legal stuff involving insurance, my job, and hiring a lawyer
a week later, i received a letter from my school saying i was rejected by their nursing program. i was absolutely crushed. my parents were the ones that pushed me to do it and i was more angry at myself than they were because i gave up part of my life to fulfill their dream for me
ive been stuck in my dorm suite for the past week because i dont feel like going anywhere. i gave up going to the gym 4 days ago. some of my friends dont bother to talk to me anymore because im not there to drive them around. i find myself failing to wake up before 3pm. i have an essay rough draft due in 2 days that i havent started and if i dont im 100% going to fail that class because i keep turning in assignments late
i just want to break something. im so angry i dont even cry anymore. i just dont want to pay for something else i ruin because im broke af
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2021 12:36:41 GMT -5
Life has so dim lately I'm struggling to find happiness or enjoyment in anything and honestly if death called to me I'd welcome it with open arms because I'm honestly too tired to care anymore
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Cake
Pheonix
goodbye. I'm leaving the forums (for a while though I might come on here once a month or so)
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Post by Pheonix on Mar 18, 2021 16:10:36 GMT -5
well... I have advice for all of you, it will sound like a thing you don't want to do, but get a counselor or at least someone to talk to.
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Post by Tealraven on Mar 18, 2021 17:10:34 GMT -5
not a serious vent, but something that annoys me:
i wish people wouldn't patronize me for not understanding a joke or a reference. no, it's not because i'm "too young" or "too innocent to understand it." i don't get it because i'm just a dumbass lol. so stop being snarky and explain it to me, please? i always feel stupid and a tad embarrassed when someone laughs at me or calls me out for not understanding their apparently superior sense of humor :/ ack.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Mar 18, 2021 18:05:05 GMT -5
well... I have advice for all of you, it will sound like a thing you don't want to do, but get a counselor or at least someone to talk to. Oh gee thanks. You know did you ever stop to think some of us already have a therapist that we just can't talk to at any point in time and need to vent in case of an emergency or for outside support? You do know people need to be able to have trusted friends outside of that to rely on for support because as nice as it sounds we can't all be self sufficient 24/7 with perfect emotional regulation? You know that this thread IS literally that kind of place place for someone to be able to talk to about their problems?
Completely unhelpful and kinda rude.
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