#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 25, 2017 2:38:45 GMT -5
Sure thing, 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖! I'd be glad to ramble about characters with you. ✶Jaysong✶, yup, sounds exactly like my Russian-inspired setting. XD And come to think of it, I think alot of my story might've been subconsciously inspired by Les Mis. Crushed rebellion? Check Romance between two characters who initially can't be together? Check Unrequited love? Check Secret identities? Check A character obsessed with justice? Check A fugitive who is trying to repent? Check A confrontation that I had in mind between Asya and Vlad (or should I call him Vlad Vladjean now? 😂) is close enough to how Valjean and Javert's confrontation is on the 2012 adaptation. I've written a loose retelling of Les Mis, and I didn't even know it.
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 25, 2017 2:45:50 GMT -5
OOC Thanks! Here it is, it was kind of a struggle to write, so idk how great it is, I was experimenting with different writing styles.
It was dark.
It was always dark though. There had only ever been darkness. It engulfed everything around it, hiding even the most painstakingly obvious things from sight. Not that there was anything to see anyways. Just darkness.
There truly was nothing else. No noise, no smells, nothing to touch, to taste, to feel, there was nothing. Not even life. There had only ever been darkness and darkness was all there ever would be.
That is, until it wasn’t.
Suddenly, there was pain as air leaked its way into the darkness, summoning the bleak, empty body back to life.
It let out a pained, sudden gasp as it began to breathe. One might not think that breathing was painful, but for one who had not done it for so long…It was.
Soon, there was more than just darkness and breathing.
Soon, there was life.
Eyes fluttered open, withholding the surprise of suddenly living as It looked around. There was still darkness, but this was…different, than before. This darkness was suffocating, it was real, it was everywhere, and it was encasing everything.
However, before panic could settle in, everything began to move and suddenly: there was sound.
It wasn’t anything great at first, just the noise of something rushing past, speeding through the darkness as it began to ebb away into something less dark, and then even less. It was then that It realized that It was what flickered out of the darkness.
Suddenly, there was light, and color. It came in a blur, different shades of black, then gray, then finally, white. The color came much faster than the noise, but even that began to get more exuberant as it rushed on.
And then, there were words, voices, people speaking. It could barely get what was being said out, as it was distant and far away, only echoing back, but then, as It began to get closer and closer to the noises, they began to get louder, clearer, until finally, It could hear everything that was being said, word for word.
“You have no idea what that does, I’m begging you, don’t do it.”
It recognized that voice. But…from where?
“How would you know? You are nothing but a homeless freak.”
It did not recognize that voice, yet there was something oddly appealing about it. The way the voice spoke, full of spite and emotion. It was a voice that It could relate to.
“No, don't-“
The first voice, the one It recognized, didn’t get to finish it’s sentence, as all of a sudden, the rushing continued, circling It from all around. Suddenly, it felt like It was suffocating again, and desperately tried to breathe as the panic and pain sunk back it.
However, in all but a second, the pain was gone. The rushing was gone. Everything that It once knew was gone. All the silence, all the emptiness, all the darkness.
Instead, it had been replaced by a world of color, of foundation, of…life.
It slowly stood up on shaky feet, looking down at it’s legs and arms. They were not It’s own, It knew that, but as It stood there, a sudden wave of realization and memory washed over It.
And suddenly, It remembered.
It looked up, finding two faces, one was not familiar to It. That face was scaly, and green, with a look of both confusion and excitement shining upon the face.
However the second face…well It knew that face.
A sudden wave of anger washed through It as It remembered the second face of pale skin and green eyes full of worry and irritation to match that same green hair. It remembered that face well.
For that was the face that had destroyed It all those years ago.
Suddenly, a rush of power engulfed It, and a thought came to mind.
It began to laugh as It rose in the air, looking down at the faces. Then, once It was high enough in the air, It smiled and then…It spoke.
“It has been a long time Eeeyuppa, I have awoken, and now, it is you who will be destroyed,” It threatened in a voice unlike It’s own.
However that was fine with It, for the face was scared, for both the face and It now knew, that It had awaken from a sleep it never meant to be awoken from, and now…
It was going to get revenge.
IC Text
I'm terrible at giving writing criticism, but it doesn't seem too bad to me. Just be careful with the comma splices. Maybe a few other things that I just can't put my finger on, but this is a good attempt nonetheless.
|
|
|
Post by 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 on Nov 25, 2017 2:48:50 GMT -5
OOC Thanks! Here it is, it was kind of a struggle to write, so idk how great it is, I was experimenting with different writing styles.
It was dark.
It was always dark though. There had only ever been darkness. It engulfed everything around it, hiding even the most painstakingly obvious things from sight. Not that there was anything to see anyways. Just darkness.
There truly was nothing else. No noise, no smells, nothing to touch, to taste, to feel, there was nothing. Not even life. There had only ever been darkness and darkness was all there ever would be.
That is, until it wasn’t.
Suddenly, there was pain as air leaked its way into the darkness, summoning the bleak, empty body back to life.
It let out a pained, sudden gasp as it began to breathe. One might not think that breathing was painful, but for one who had not done it for so long…It was.
Soon, there was more than just darkness and breathing.
Soon, there was life.
Eyes fluttered open, withholding the surprise of suddenly living as It looked around. There was still darkness, but this was…different, than before. This darkness was suffocating, it was real, it was everywhere, and it was encasing everything.
However, before panic could settle in, everything began to move and suddenly: there was sound.
It wasn’t anything great at first, just the noise of something rushing past, speeding through the darkness as it began to ebb away into something less dark, and then even less. It was then that It realized that It was what flickered out of the darkness.
Suddenly, there was light, and color. It came in a blur, different shades of black, then gray, then finally, white. The color came much faster than the noise, but even that began to get more exuberant as it rushed on.
And then, there were words, voices, people speaking. It could barely get what was being said out, as it was distant and far away, only echoing back, but then, as It began to get closer and closer to the noises, they began to get louder, clearer, until finally, It could hear everything that was being said, word for word.
“You have no idea what that does, I’m begging you, don’t do it.”
It recognized that voice. But…from where?
“How would you know? You are nothing but a homeless freak.”
It did not recognize that voice, yet there was something oddly appealing about it. The way the voice spoke, full of spite and emotion. It was a voice that It could relate to.
“No, don't-“
The first voice, the one It recognized, didn’t get to finish it’s sentence, as all of a sudden, the rushing continued, circling It from all around. Suddenly, it felt like It was suffocating again, and desperately tried to breathe as the panic and pain sunk back it.
However, in all but a second, the pain was gone. The rushing was gone. Everything that It once knew was gone. All the silence, all the emptiness, all the darkness.
Instead, it had been replaced by a world of color, of foundation, of…life.
It slowly stood up on shaky feet, looking down at it’s legs and arms. They were not It’s own, It knew that, but as It stood there, a sudden wave of realization and memory washed over It.
And suddenly, It remembered.
It looked up, finding two faces, one was not familiar to It. That face was scaly, and green, with a look of both confusion and excitement shining upon the face.
However the second face…well It knew that face.
A sudden wave of anger washed through It as It remembered the second face of pale skin and green eyes full of worry and irritation to match that same green hair. It remembered that face well.
For that was the face that had destroyed It all those years ago.
Suddenly, a rush of power engulfed It, and a thought came to mind.
It began to laugh as It rose in the air, looking down at the faces. Then, once It was high enough in the air, It smiled and then…It spoke.
“It has been a long time Eeeyuppa, I have awoken, and now, it is you who will be destroyed,” It threatened in a voice unlike It’s own.
However that was fine with It, for the face was scared, for both the face and It now knew, that It had awaken from a sleep it never meant to be awoken from, and now…
It was going to get revenge.
IC Text
I'm terrible at giving writing criticism, but it doesn't seem too bad to me. Just be careful with the comma splices. Maybe a few other things that I just can't put my finger on, but this is a good attempt nonetheless. OOC Thanks, I’ve also kinda thought that I need to find a better way to distinguish when I’m talking about “It” as the main character, and “it” as just describing stuff. Because even while reading it, I kinda found some hard spots to like, understand.
But thanks! I’ve been told I need to work on comma splices before, so that’s definitely something to work on.
IC Text
|
|
|
Post by 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 on Nov 25, 2017 2:52:05 GMT -5
OOC Also, it’s pretty late here, so I’m gonna crash. Night!
IC Text
|
|
Heterosexual
✶Jaysong✶
What do you mean it's *checks watch * July
|
Post by ✶Jaysong✶ on Nov 26, 2017 1:15:50 GMT -5
𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 I really enjoyed the plot; it's the kind of thing that grapples onto somebody and leaves you wanting more. I agree with 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵. The only really major aspect is the comma placement/splicing. Too many can have the wrong effect or might not be needed. But the biggest and really only other thing (this might just be a me thing, it's nothing all too important) is that if this were something to be published or something you were going to edit, I might get a little more descriptive. There's nothing, and then there's something. Life is being breathed in to this character. They're experiencing this flood of senses all coming back like a wave crashing into somebody and dragging them down. There's color. There's black, and grey, and white. But what is it doing? It is dancing in front of it's eyes or flashing, waxing and waning away? How does it feel? Is it like waking from a long and terrifyingly realistic dream, shocking, maybe a bit relieving? Or is it like coming out of anesthesia , dragging yourself from a haze and painful to just open your eyes? Maybe it's just me, but these little things can make it seem so much more close and tangible.
|
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 26, 2017 1:36:36 GMT -5
I've been using Family Echo, and just now I'm noticing how crazy I've made my character's family tree.
|
|
Heterosexual
✶Jaysong✶
What do you mean it's *checks watch * July
|
Post by ✶Jaysong✶ on Nov 26, 2017 1:52:05 GMT -5
I've been using Family Echo, and just now I'm noticing how crazy I've made my character's family tree. I know right?! It's a game changer. Like this, " oh" moment
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 26, 2017 2:32:17 GMT -5
I've been using Family Echo, and just now I'm noticing how crazy I've made my character's family tree. I know right?! It's a game changer. Like this, " oh" moment Exactly! It's still pretty fun, though. XD
|
|
|
Post by 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 on Nov 26, 2017 19:01:53 GMT -5
OOC It’s kinda hard to use it on mobile, so I haven’t been.
IC Text
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 26, 2017 20:36:46 GMT -5
OOC It’s kinda hard to use it on mobile, so I haven’t been.
IC Text
I've experienced the same thing. It's useful, but doing it on mobile is a bit frustrating when you're trying to drag it.
|
|
Heterosexual
✶Jaysong✶
What do you mean it's *checks watch * July
|
Post by ✶Jaysong✶ on Nov 26, 2017 22:09:44 GMT -5
I know right?! It's a game changer. Like this, " oh" moment Exactly! It's still pretty fun, though. XD Totally! xD
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 26, 2017 22:28:27 GMT -5
I'm currently trying to work out a family tree for the gods in my story, and already it's gotten complicated. ^^"
|
|
|
Post by 𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 on Nov 27, 2017 12:25:11 GMT -5
OOC You know what’s frustrating to write? A script for a play.
IC Text
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 27, 2017 14:31:30 GMT -5
Hello, other writers. It's been awhile. But, my muse is working, so that's good.
𝕊’𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 ;; I've done something similar to that once, when I wrote two scripts for puppets. What makes it frustrating for you to write?
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 27, 2017 17:37:58 GMT -5
OOC You know what’s frustrating to write? A script for a play.
IC Text
I've tried that a few times, and it really is harder than it looks.
|
|
Heterosexual
✶Jaysong✶
What do you mean it's *checks watch * July
|
Post by ✶Jaysong✶ on Nov 27, 2017 21:35:51 GMT -5
I'm currently trying to work out a family tree for the gods in my story, and already it's gotten complicated. ^^" uh oh. Do you have a Zeus character?
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 27, 2017 22:02:25 GMT -5
I'm currently trying to work out a family tree for the gods in my story, and already it's gotten complicated. ^^" uh oh. Do you have a Zeus character? I guess? I'm kind of winging it at the moment, but there is incest between the gods involved, which is what makes it so complicating. I'm kind of getting philanderer vibes from my god of Earth however.
|
|
#a3c5e6
Name Colour
𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵
Warrior Fanatic
All hail me, the flower-flushing queen of Prague
|
Post by 𝓣𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓿𝓲𝓮𝓵 on Nov 28, 2017 23:44:23 GMT -5
Do you guys ever name your characters after someone else? I do it all the time. For instance, Anastasiya is named after the Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanova.
|
|
|
Post by gabby11937 on Nov 30, 2017 0:33:56 GMT -5
Hello! I am excited to have joined these forums!
|
|
|
|
Post by WhispersintheMist on Apr 6, 2018 11:22:09 GMT -5
I'm bumping this up again RIP my free time tho lol. I have ungodly amounts of writing due May I join this group? I love writing
|
|
Heterosexual
✶Jaysong✶
What do you mean it's *checks watch * July
|
Post by ✶Jaysong✶ on Apr 6, 2018 12:17:52 GMT -5
I'm bumping this up again RIP my free time tho lol. I have ungodly amounts of writing due May I join this group? I love writing yes! I'll add you
|
|
|
Post by mothsnap on Apr 8, 2018 23:22:35 GMT -5
i write as well. i have a warriors novel wip "forest of mist" and am in the process of doing some original short stories featuring a vampire
|
|
|
Post by FirestarForever on Apr 9, 2018 13:50:23 GMT -5
Hi! Can I join?
|
|
|
Post by WhispersintheMist on Apr 9, 2018 15:56:18 GMT -5
Anyone on?
|
|
|
|
|
Post by . on Apr 9, 2018 22:05:49 GMT -5
Oh wow I forgot about this. Hey guys!
|
|
|
Post by mothsnap on Apr 9, 2018 22:24:54 GMT -5
hello all! I'm sad that I can't write at the moment T_T a few more days though... must be strong. what are you all doing? i want to hear allll
|
|