Aroace
🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅
if you need me ill be listening to sweater weather by the neighborhood on repeat
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Post by 🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅 on Feb 15, 2024 20:59:13 GMT -5
TW: Mentions of verbal fighting in a romantic relationship Last night I heard my parents fighting. They fight a good amount, but they also live eachother a good amount, so I didn’t know what to think of it.This time they were fighting for awhile, but I just turned up my music because I didn’t wanna listen to it. My mom has also been very irritable and antsy to get out of the house recently because she just had surgery on her right shoulder and can’t drive or really do much. Anyways, around 11:00 PM I got ready for bed because I was pretty tired. Couldn’t fall asleep due to insomnia. I heard my parents fighting a little more, but didn’t thing much of it. I fall asleep around 2:00 AM.
I woke up at 3:00 AM to my dog barking. He had thrown up on my white comforter, probably because he refused to eat his dinner before bed and bile build up. Anyways, I panicked because I didn’t want it to stain. So I go to get the spray to clean it up. I noticed my Dad sleeping on the couch and my mom sleeping in their room and thought that was a little weird because lately my mom had been sleeping on the couch due to the bed hurting her shoulder, not my dad. Sometimes my dad would even sit on the couch with her
Anyways, I never went to sleep after that. I couldn’t fall back asleep and by the time I a lot could my alarm went off. So I went to school on the bus like normal. My dad got my brother ready before going to work and got him on the bus. I come home from school about 30 minutes before my brother was so I walked home to settle my stuff down before grabbing him. I noticed my mom wasn’t there, and neither was her car. She’s not supposed to be driving with her shoulder. Five minutes later I get a text from my dad saying that my grandmother will go and get my brother and I can come with her too. So I grab my dog and then get my brother with my grandmother. I text my mom. No answer for an hour. Then she replies and says that she just needed a break from the house and that she would be back tomorrow. She didn’t say where she was. I texted her again about three hours later after my cheer practice. She says she at a hotel. She then said that she loves me and my brother very much, which made me feel like there’s something bad going on.
I don’t want my parents to get divorced. I don’t know how well it will go financially and how well I will handle it. Now I’m stressed out. |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 15, 2024 21:54:05 GMT -5
TW: Mentions of verbal fighting in a romantic relationship Last night I heard my parents fighting. They fight a good amount, but they also live eachother a good amount, so I didn’t know what to think of it.This time they were fighting for awhile, but I just turned up my music because I didn’t wanna listen to it. My mom has also been very irritable and antsy to get out of the house recently because she just had surgery on her right shoulder and can’t drive or really do much. Anyways, around 11:00 PM I got ready for bed because I was pretty tired. Couldn’t fall asleep due to insomnia. I heard my parents fighting a little more, but didn’t thing much of it. I fall asleep around 2:00 AM.
I woke up at 3:00 AM to my dog barking. He had thrown up on my white comforter, probably because he refused to eat his dinner before bed and bile build up. Anyways, I panicked because I didn’t want it to stain. So I go to get the spray to clean it up. I noticed my Dad sleeping on the couch and my mom sleeping in their room and thought that was a little weird because lately my mom had been sleeping on the couch due to the bed hurting her shoulder, not my dad. Sometimes my dad would even sit on the couch with her
Anyways, I never went to sleep after that. I couldn’t fall back asleep and by the time I a lot could my alarm went off. So I went to school on the bus like normal. My dad got my brother ready before going to work and got him on the bus. I come home from school about 30 minutes before my brother was so I walked home to settle my stuff down before grabbing him. I noticed my mom wasn’t there, and neither was her car. She’s not supposed to be driving with her shoulder. Five minutes later I get a text from my dad saying that my grandmother will go and get my brother and I can come with her too. So I grab my dog and then get my brother with my grandmother. I text my mom. No answer for an hour. Then she replies and says that she just needed a break from the house and that she would be back tomorrow. She didn’t say where she was. I texted her again about three hours later after my cheer practice. She says she at a hotel. She then said that she loves me and my brother very much, which made me feel like there’s something bad going on.
I don’t want my parents to get divorced. I don’t know how well it will go financially and how well I will handle it. Now I’m stressed out. Parents having big fights like that can definitely be scary. Honestly, if it were me, I would just ask my dad what was going on and why they were fighting, but I'm not sure if you have a good enough relationship with him to do that. |
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 15, 2024 22:05:26 GMT -5
Seconded, and offer virtual hugs  It could also just be that the surgery or any medication she had has impacted her mood, so I hope maybe things turn around when she heals more and the air is cleared. |
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Aroace
🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅
if you need me ill be listening to sweater weather by the neighborhood on repeat
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Post by 🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅 on Feb 16, 2024 7:05:15 GMT -5
TW: Mentions of verbal fighting in a romantic relationship Last night I heard my parents fighting. They fight a good amount, but they also live eachother a good amount, so I didn’t know what to think of it.This time they were fighting for awhile, but I just turned up my music because I didn’t wanna listen to it. My mom has also been very irritable and antsy to get out of the house recently because she just had surgery on her right shoulder and can’t drive or really do much. Anyways, around 11:00 PM I got ready for bed because I was pretty tired. Couldn’t fall asleep due to insomnia. I heard my parents fighting a little more, but didn’t thing much of it. I fall asleep around 2:00 AM.
I woke up at 3:00 AM to my dog barking. He had thrown up on my white comforter, probably because he refused to eat his dinner before bed and bile build up. Anyways, I panicked because I didn’t want it to stain. So I go to get the spray to clean it up. I noticed my Dad sleeping on the couch and my mom sleeping in their room and thought that was a little weird because lately my mom had been sleeping on the couch due to the bed hurting her shoulder, not my dad. Sometimes my dad would even sit on the couch with her
Anyways, I never went to sleep after that. I couldn’t fall back asleep and by the time I a lot could my alarm went off. So I went to school on the bus like normal. My dad got my brother ready before going to work and got him on the bus. I come home from school about 30 minutes before my brother was so I walked home to settle my stuff down before grabbing him. I noticed my mom wasn’t there, and neither was her car. She’s not supposed to be driving with her shoulder. Five minutes later I get a text from my dad saying that my grandmother will go and get my brother and I can come with her too. So I grab my dog and then get my brother with my grandmother. I text my mom. No answer for an hour. Then she replies and says that she just needed a break from the house and that she would be back tomorrow. She didn’t say where she was. I texted her again about three hours later after my cheer practice. She says she at a hotel. She then said that she loves me and my brother very much, which made me feel like there’s something bad going on.
I don’t want my parents to get divorced. I don’t know how well it will go financially and how well I will handle it. Now I’m stressed out. Parents having big fights like that can definitely be scary. Honestly, if it were me, I would just ask my dad what was going on and why they were fighting, but I'm not sure if you have a good enough relationship with him to do that. I want to ask my dad, and I have a great relationship with him too…but honestly I have no idea how too. It just seems like we’ve all agreed not to talk about the fact my mom took off. I’ll try to ask my parents what happened when I get home from school (currently in the middle of first period). Also my mom is supposed to be back by then, so maybe it might be better to ask them both but separately? |
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Post by Dark on Feb 17, 2024 20:24:00 GMT -5
im so tired emotionally. why can't i stop being a coward and visit my mother after two years? i just want to get over all of this. everything hurts.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 18, 2024 3:37:12 GMT -5
im back to begging to be loved and feel wanted because im an idiot.
and of course as soon as i ask- im being annoying again. why can't i just get it through my thick skull that nobody actually wants me around and i keep trying so desperately just to hurt my own feelings when i already know the damn answer lol
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 18, 2024 3:40:08 GMT -5
its funny, my depression medication was actually working fine right up until i remembered that i am replaceable and everything sucks. i might have serotonin finally but you can't magic-pill-away being the most obnoxious mfker on the planet!!
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Post by Sand on Feb 18, 2024 6:56:32 GMT -5
im back to begging to be loved and feel wanted because im an idiot. and of course as soon as i ask- im being annoying again. why can't i just get it through my thick skull that nobody actually wants me around and i keep trying so desperately just to hurt my own feelings when i already know the damn answer lol You are wanted and loved <3 |
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Feb 18, 2024 13:52:43 GMT -5
Holy crap this thread still lives
Front page has been updated; please take a look. Thanks!
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Post by 🎃*:.｡. Rain .｡.:*🦇 on Feb 20, 2024 22:15:13 GMT -5
TW! Mention of: V@p3$, gvn$, p@n!c @tt@ck&, PTSD, h@t3 cr!m3$, v!0l3nc3, @$$@ult, $3lf h@rm, $u!c!d3, minor cussing, ect.
Kinda a vent?
ARGH. I just had the absolute worst panic attack ever today. I have CPTSD (complicated/complex post traumatic stress disorder) and it causes me to have panic attacks, among other things. In ‘Wellness’, AKA P.E. , we had a guest speaker to talk about why we shouldn’t vape, etc. I’m fine, cuz nothing goes wrong. For a bit.
Then one lady starts shaking a jar of marbles over and over which IS AWFUL. ADHD, SPD, and Autism over here!! So I get pretty annoyed, but nothing too bad. Then they show a video about the effects of nicotine on people, making em moody and confused, etc. I thought I’d be fine, but SPOILER ALERT. I wasn’t.
Earlier in the presentation, the first Lady says people can leave the room if the are upset by something, and that’s what I had intended to do.
So the video starts off with a kid yelling at their parent(s) and I was alright, then another kid breaks a window. Panic spike. Two people on a playground, yelling. Flashback. Then one shoves another. Panic attack starts.
My PTSD revolves around being a witness to an assault and attempted murder, and having the person who committed the crime threaten me and those who I love. This happened on a playground, at school. The images shown were extremely similar to what happened. My PTSD is very bad. I’ve been admitted to mental hospitals before, attempted $u!c!d3, things like that.
I hurry down the bleachers and run out of the gymnasium. All whilst hyperventilating and sobbing as quietly as possible. During most panic attacks, I dissociate, which feels like (for me and most people) I’m not in control of myself, like someone else is driving me, or like I’m on autopilot. The only way out of this for me (so far) is hurting myself. I hate doing it and it’s terrible, but it’s the only thing that works. When I don’t, I break things. Literally and metaphorically. So back to the story.
I run out of the gym, and near the trophy case and bathrooms. This area is ENTIRELY tile and concrete. Other than the glass I mean.
There’s someone else there, let’s call her Macaroni. She’s been in at least one of my classes for 3 years, so she’s not a stranger.
When I have panic attacks, especially when I dissociate, I go completely nonverbal. If not, I start yelling. Trust me, nobody wants to see me when that happens. It’s horrible. So I have gone nonverbal (not my decision btw), and Macaroni asks if she needs to go get somebody, I nod.
Im shaking and hyperventilating, and crying.
Some random ass teacher comes out of the gym, and goes ‘LeTs BrEaThE hOnEy.’ Like b!tch, I CANT JUST DO THAT WHEN YOU TELL ME TO! F OFF!
I want to be left alone but I know that if I am, I’ll hurt myself. After about 5 minutes of me laying on the fricking tile floor, she goes and heads back to the gym.
I’ve worked with my social worker and therapist on coping skills, but they don’t work when I’m dissociating.
Since she made the mistake of leaving me to my own demise, I whip out a pen and break it in half. I won’t go into detail here, but basically, I’ve got some pretty bad cuts on my arm now. I bang my head into the floor and walls, (I might have given myself a concussion), and she is still gone.
She grabs the ‘guidance counselor’, and he helps me, because he’s gotten to know me all year. But this was awful.
I’m absolutely exhausted now, and my head and arm hurt. I just needed to put this somewhere, nobody needs to read it. If you want to reply, private message me.
Bye.
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Post by 🎃*:.｡. Rain .｡.:*🦇 on Feb 20, 2024 22:17:38 GMT -5
im so tired emotionally. why can't i stop being a coward and visit my mother after two years? i just want to get over all of this. everything hurts. I’m so sorry. </333 I hope you can build up the courage to visit her eventually. I don’t know what your life is like or what is happening but I’m sure you aren’t a coward. |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 21, 2024 0:23:54 GMT -5
🎃*:.｡. Rain .｡.:*🦇 Just an fyi, you do not have to censor those words. They are allowed here. The only words that will be censored are the particularly harsh swear words.
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Feb 21, 2024 4:47:18 GMT -5
🎃*:.｡. Rain .｡.:*🦇 Just an fyi, you do not have to censor those words. They are allowed here. The only words that will be censored are the particularly harsh swear words. I would personally disagree. Some are "less extreme" than others, but others like sU1c%de are best censored since those are very real triggers for a lot of people. Even words lke k*1L can be damaging, so words like unalive are preferred by many. It's not a case of "morally right or wrong", it's just an act of courtesy for others.  |
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Post by 🎃*:.｡. Rain .｡.:*🦇 on Feb 21, 2024 7:36:03 GMT -5
🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅 thx, I appreciate it. Dark Sun, I agree with you, especially since it helps when people sensor trigger words for me.
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Post by {Azure} on Feb 21, 2024 7:38:34 GMT -5
🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅, you shouldn't have to deal with that, no one should. i was lucky, i never heard them fight since we lived in different countries, but they fought over the phone. apparently enough for the divorce to hit me like a truck. hope everything turns out well for you
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 21, 2024 9:08:48 GMT -5
🎃*:.｡. Rain .｡.:*🦇 Just an fyi, you do not have to censor those words. They are allowed here. The only words that will be censored are the particularly harsh swear words. I would personally disagree. Some are "less extreme" than others, but others like sU1c%de are best censored since those are very real triggers for a lot of people. Even words lke k*1L can be damaging, so words like unalive are preferred by many. It's not a case of "morally right or wrong", it's just an act of courtesy for others. We’re just gonna have to disagree I guess. If someone wants to continue to self censor that’s fine, I was just trying to let them know that it’s not required here like it is on many other platforms. |
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Feb 21, 2024 9:52:38 GMT -5
🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅 thx, I appreciate it. Dark Sun , I agree with you, especially since it helps when people sensor trigger words for me. You're very welcome. In fact, I have an inquiry. Sand Would it be possible for words like those listed above to be automatically censored, similar to the hardcore swear words? (For different reasons, of course.) |
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Post by Sand on Feb 21, 2024 11:20:42 GMT -5
🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅 thx, I appreciate it. Dark Sun , I agree with you, especially since it helps when people sensor trigger words for me. You're very welcome. In fact, I have an inquiry. Sand Would it be possible for words like those listed above to be automatically censored, similar to the hardcore swear words? (For different reasons, of course.) I’ll discuss it with Mint, Felix, and Dia as soon as I can. |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 22, 2024 16:59:57 GMT -5
No idea how to move past grief when the event is still happening.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 22, 2024 17:06:28 GMT -5
No idea how to move past grief when the event is still happening. I admit... I snooped a little and I would give anything to make it better. Know we love you. |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 22, 2024 17:54:05 GMT -5
No idea how to move past grief when the event is still happening. I admit... I snooped a little and I would give anything to make it better. Know we love you. ❤ |
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Post by Katanaheart on Feb 22, 2024 23:43:50 GMT -5
You're very welcome. In fact, I have an inquiry. Sand Would it be possible for words like those listed above to be automatically censored, similar to the hardcore swear words? (For different reasons, of course.) I’ll discuss it with Mint, Felix, and Dia as soon as I can. Just popping in and saying something while it’s bothering me. But would it be possible to only have those censors on OTD? I can certainly see how a word such as kill and other words to describe said actions would impact the writing portions of the forum, WFF and OTW, heavily. Not to mention as there are multiple other words one can think to replace a four letter censor instead of kill . Would also potentially harm book discussion if one is tripping on potential swear words instead, as well. |
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Post by lightfur on Feb 26, 2024 10:51:38 GMT -5
I've been so anxious that I can't do anything. I feel worthless.
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Post by Sand on Feb 26, 2024 11:35:16 GMT -5
I’ll discuss it with Mint, Felix, and Dia as soon as I can. Just popping in and saying something while it’s bothering me. But would it be possible to only have those censors on OTD? I can certainly see how a word such as kill and other words to describe said actions would impact the writing portions of the forum, WFF and OTW, heavily. Not to mention as there are multiple other words one can think to replace a four letter censor instead of kill . Would also potentially harm book discussion if one is tripping on potential swear words instead, as well. We decided not to censor any new words. If people prefer to censor words, they can. |
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Post by 🎃*:.｡. Rain .｡.:*🦇 on Feb 26, 2024 16:51:40 GMT -5
I hope it gets better. I know how that feels, but I don’t know your situation.
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Post by lightfur on Feb 26, 2024 18:23:47 GMT -5
I hope it gets better. I know how that feels, but I don’t know your situation. Thank you! I am starting to feel better now, mostly. |
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Post by {Azure} on Feb 26, 2024 18:44:01 GMT -5
i don't have the energy or motivation to write too much about this but: cancer's a bitch
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Post by lazzylake on Feb 26, 2024 18:54:13 GMT -5
Color codes: yellow and green (I wish not to add these to my actual post to prevent eyestrain)
I have a family member getting surgery this weekend. I’m not too concerned about the surgery itself since I’ve heard it’s going to be an in-and-out operation, but the thing is that it kind of ruins our shopping schedule for the week. Our routine is that at the beginning of the week, they go out to shop for food to cover us until the weekend, then make a second trip on Saturday for dinner planning. My parents were busy today and had time to make a trip before I got home from school (I’m assuming) and were mad at me that I didn’t make a list of items that I needed. Anyways, the person getting surgery is obviously not going to be up to driving (much less cooking) meaning I’ll have to be responsible for making the dinner meals this weekend.
During the talk about dinner, I tried asking my mom if she would help me, and she looked at me like I was stupid. She holds the fact that “I’m almost an adult” over my head and I need to gain some maturity on my part. Keep in mind I’m the one doing laundry, schoolwork, and meals for my brothers. And I have scholarships due this week. No matter how much I tell her, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get her on my side. I’ve been slacking on my chores for a while because of school and college preparation work, I know this, and things aren’t going to get any better. I don’t want to fall into a sinkhole of burnout again. Am I doing a good enough job with what I have, or is that just what I want to hear? I don’t know the answer any more.
(Validation and advice are welcome for this post.)
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 26, 2024 19:23:01 GMT -5
Color codes: yellow and green (I wish not to add these to my actual post to prevent eyestrain) I have a family member getting surgery this weekend. I’m not too concerned about the surgery itself since I’ve heard it’s going to be an in-and-out operation, but the thing is that it kind of ruins our shopping schedule for the week. Our routine is that at the beginning of the week, they go out to shop for food to cover us until the weekend, then make a second trip on Saturday for dinner planning. My parents were busy today and had time to make a trip before I got home from school (I’m assuming) and were mad at me that I didn’t make a list of items that I needed. Anyways, the person getting surgery is obviously not going to be up to driving (much less cooking) meaning I’ll have to be responsible for making the dinner meals this weekend. During the talk about dinner, I tried asking my mom if she would help me, and she looked at me like I was stupid. She holds the fact that “I’m almost an adult” over my head and I need to gain some maturity on my part. Keep in mind I’m the one doing laundry, schoolwork, and meals for my brothers. And I have scholarships due this week. No matter how much I tell her, I don’t know if I’ll be able to get her on my side. I’ve been slacking on my chores for a while because of school and college preparation work, I know this, and things aren’t going to get any better. I don’t want to fall into a sinkhole of burnout again. Am I doing a good enough job with what I have, or is that just what I want to hear? I don’t know the answer any more. (Validation and advice are welcome for this post.) Not sure I have any advice, but being responsible for your brothers' meals is kinda wild. Not sure how old they are but regularly putting some of your kids' basic needs on their sibling(s) seems like a bad parental idea. I cannot tell from your wording if you're doing just your laundry or everyone's, but if the latter, that also seems a bit much. Anyways, if I was your mom and wanted to encourage you to become a responsible adult, I would be thrilled to help you if you wanted guidance on cooking/meal planning. That doesn't seem at all unreasonable to me. If you need any help coming up with quick and easy meal ideas, I am totally happy to help you! I love cooking and have been doing so in some capacity since age 12. |
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