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Post by Defty on Jan 28, 2024 22:43:56 GMT -5
Tysm. Your words rn meant a lot more to me than I think you know
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Post by lazzylake on Jan 29, 2024 10:19:06 GMT -5
My heart feels heavy from how much I overexert myself. I feel like if I don't put every ounce of effort and hyperfocus on the smallest things I'm going to forget them at any moment. If I don't bring smart or useful to the conversation I feel like I'll be ridiculed for it. That's why I suppress every thought as quickly as it passes through my head. I'll never be able to catch up to it since I've gotten into the habit of dissociating so often that everything is surrounded by a dense fog. I could write a novel on how my feelings effect me and procrastinate on it for years and it still won't be enough. At this rate, I'll never be satisfied with myself. How much I work means nothing unless I feel that shred of self-respect.
Why the hell can't I remember anything?
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#f0a9e4
Name Colour
Captain Americat
"Don't frown, someone could be falling in love with your smile." - Teen Wolf
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Post by Captain Americat on Jan 29, 2024 16:57:34 GMT -5
“I want to be with you, it is as simple, and as complicated as that.” - charles bukowski ):
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Jan 31, 2024 21:19:28 GMT -5
Love to be the butt of a joke for why I don't have a job yet when im disabled and being giggled at and asked "Well why not?" when I say "I don't know" to the question of "What do you want to do with your life."
Like I don't know Danice, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I didn't think I'd be here when I've basically tried to kill myself or make a serious plan and sit there with a rope around my neck with a constrictor knot to make sure I couldn't change my mind and all I'd have to do would be to slip it up at least once a year starting from the time I was 11 and I never actually thought I'd make it to 18 let alone 25 so I didn't exactly ****ing think it mattered to plan that far ahead?
Anyway.
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Post by The One and Only Moongaze on Feb 1, 2024 8:28:44 GMT -5
I feel like I'm a horrible person and my mom is always telling me something is wrong with me and she right and I feel like a failure.
My mother always think that i am purposely ignoring every direction she gives me and not listening when she is trying to tell me a story but I am not doing it on purpose. Sometimes I'm not even aware that she is talking to me and by the time i zone back in she is offended. Other times I am really interested in what she is saying but then I focus in on one small detail of the conversation and start imagining it and miss everything else she said. I am always grounded because she says I am being disrespectful and talking back when I try to tell her what happened. I am always upset because of it.
I do it a lot at school too but she thinks it is just directed at her and now I just want to cry because everything is so difficult now.
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Post by Defty on Feb 1, 2024 8:47:36 GMT -5
Love to be the butt of a joke for why I don't have a job yet when im disabled and being giggled at and asked "Well why not?" when I say "I don't know" to the question of "What do you want to do with your life." Like I don't know Danice, maybe it has something to do with the fact that I didn't think I'd be here when I've basically tried to kill myself or make a serious plan and sit there with a rope around my neck with a constrictor knot to make sure I couldn't change my mind and all I'd have to do would be to slip it up at least once a year starting from the time I was 11 and I never actually thought I'd make it to 18 let alone 25 so I didn't exactly ****ing think it mattered to plan that far ahead? Anyway. I’m proud of you for still being here. I know I’m just some Joe Schmoe, but I just wanna let ya know that for what it’s worth |
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Post by 𝘨𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘯 on Feb 1, 2024 15:54:26 GMT -5
today not one, not two, but five seperate people thought it was appropriate to grab my wheelchair and "help" move me not only without asking me first but without so much as a word! one of them nearly tipped me out of it, if i hadn't had use of my legs (and there was no way for them to know that i do) i'd have hit the road chin first. leave me alone! maybe there's a reason i'm going slowly when the road is covered in 10cm deep ice-holes and a thick layer of gravel? it's so violating and you could knock half my teeth out |
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Post by Sand on Feb 2, 2024 14:47:19 GMT -5
I don't know how to explain this, but I hate that I feel like all of my projects are attached to a person. Is it because I ask for help and I feel like I associate a person with the project? like, how do I stop associating a person to the project? It makes me feel like I can't use certain ideas even if the person's moved on or is busy.
How do I tell myself it's okay to move forward?
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 2, 2024 15:59:12 GMT -5
I don't know how to explain this, but I hate that I feel like all of my projects are attached to a person. Is it because I ask for help and I feel like I associate a person with the project? like, how do I stop associating a person to the project? It makes me feel like I can't use certain ideas even if the person's moved on or is busy. How do I tell myself it's okay to move forward? Are they people you're still in touch with and can just ask if they're okay with you taking over? I feel like if you can just ask or explain that feeling to them outright their reply will give you closure. |
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Post by Sand on Feb 5, 2024 14:33:43 GMT -5
I don't know how to explain this, but I hate that I feel like all of my projects are attached to a person. Is it because I ask for help and I feel like I associate a person with the project? like, how do I stop associating a person to the project? It makes me feel like I can't use certain ideas even if the person's moved on or is busy. How do I tell myself it's okay to move forward? Are they people you're still in touch with and can just ask if they're okay with you taking over? I feel like if you can just ask or explain that feeling to them outright their reply will give you closure. I'm gonna try this, thank you <3 |
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 5, 2024 15:08:33 GMT -5
I’m sick and tired and sick of being sick. in solidarity with this, i have officially been sick with whatever this cold is since just before new years and i'm so over it. :/ |
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Aroace
🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅
if you need me ill be listening to sweater weather by the neighborhood on repeat
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Post by 🎄ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ🎅 on Feb 6, 2024 22:18:29 GMT -5
I’m sick and tired and sick of being sick. in solidarity with this, i have officially been sick with whatever this cold is since just before new years and i'm so over it. :/ Same!! Like wtf please go away cold ur not welcome here it’s been like three months |
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#f0a9e4
Name Colour
Captain Americat
"Don't frown, someone could be falling in love with your smile." - Teen Wolf
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Post by Captain Americat on Feb 9, 2024 17:37:24 GMT -5
Emotions be hard, man.
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Feb 9, 2024 18:39:09 GMT -5
I guess no-one reads Discord statuses or profiles. Mine clearly says "they/them, non-binary", and everyone just automatically calls me "he". Then again, not surprised there, same thing happens IRL all the time, likely for all non-traditional pronoun labeling people concerned.
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Post by Viperstrike on Feb 10, 2024 0:08:09 GMT -5
I wish I could forgive myself for my past and get rid of this self hatred. I didn’t do anything egregious, just typical teenage snobbery from time to time, but still. I’ve made myself into this one dimensional monster in my head and it’s caused my self esteem and self worth to tank because I don’t think I deserve to be liked. I second guess everything from my past now, and blame myself for things other people said or did that hurt my feelings, because I feel like it was somehow my fault and I deserved it. There was one incident where I convinced myself for the longest time that I made it up to make the other person look bad, only to find direct evidence that, no, I didn’t make it up at all. They really did say and do those things. But I had myself convinced that I was a liar for the longest time. I don’t know what happened to make me feel this way.
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Transgender
arkkflip
I LUV SHADOWSIGHT SO SMCUH !!!! YAYSHDIKENF HEZ MY SON !!!!!!! YEYYY !!!!!!!!!!A
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Post by arkkflip on Feb 10, 2024 3:44:14 GMT -5
Just found out that my brother, who is one of my best friends, is homophobic/transphobic. I mean, I get it, it's because of our religon, but I am transgender, dude. I told you this, and yet you had the balls to tell me that right in front of my face. I wanted to reason with him, but I didn't want to lose him. God, I feel like such a coward, writing is the only way I can cope and I feel stupid for that. I hate that I'm so sensitive that I get uncomfortable when people touch me. I hate that I feel paranoid when I go outside. I hate the fact that I'm so anti-social and that I can't talk to people. I feel so weird and I feel like I want to cry
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 10, 2024 9:24:25 GMT -5
I guess no-one reads Discord statuses or profiles. Mine clearly says "they/them, non-binary", and everyone just automatically calls me "he". Then again, not surprised there, same thing happens IRL all the time, likely for all non-traditional pronoun labeling people concerned. I think the problem is people do read them but there's a broad assumption every trans/nb person is amab and they do this on purpose to be assholes. |
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Feb 10, 2024 10:02:46 GMT -5
I guess no-one reads Discord statuses or profiles. Mine clearly says "they/them, non-binary", and everyone just automatically calls me "he". Then again, not surprised there, same thing happens IRL all the time, likely for all non-traditional pronoun labeling people concerned. I think the problem is people do read them but there's a broad assumption every trans/nb person is amab and they do this on purpose to be assholes. There's also the problem with people assuming that he/him is the default for everyone and everything. You know, calling female animals "he", calling female bosses with she/her pronouns in lore as "he/him". Their response if you attempt to correct them on this is usually either, "but that's just gender-neutral language" or "it's easier for me to remember".
Fair point as well though.
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Post by Dark on Feb 10, 2024 10:05:48 GMT -5
I hate PTSD flashbacks so much... my family thinks I should visit my mother since I haven't seen her in two years. They think it'll help with my flashbacks but I don't know what to do. Open to opinions or thoughts on this if anyone wants to reply
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Post by whiteflight on Feb 12, 2024 21:33:08 GMT -5
I've gone back to cutting myself. Yesterday me and my mom found out that I took student loans when I was in college. I have no memory of doing that but apparently I took out 5,000 and 3,000. When I was in the bathroom taking a shower I heard my dad shit talking about me since I was a drop out. I can't pay it since I can't get a job so my parents have to pay it but I just hate how they always play favorites. My sister's credit card bill so super high but they don't say anything to her, my brother also dropped out of college but yet they still say nothing. I just wish I never took out student loans in the past then I wouldn't have to hear my father's true thoughts of me.
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Omnisexual
🅃🄴🄼🄿🄾
Being a theater kid
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Post by 🅃🄴🄼🄿🄾 on Feb 13, 2024 9:24:32 GMT -5
So I “homeschool” now. Basically, I just go to my parents work, the college, and do stuff I’m assigned. Now my moms coworkers are saying they’re worried that I don’t come out of the room and socialize. Excuse me, these are college students. I am a teenager. What do you want me to do? Make friends with the sketchy people who walk into your GED center? And the only sport I’m good at is dance and the dance environment in this town is absolute crap, so I’m all out of options. My friends are always busy with their own sports and never have time to hang out. Plus, I’m socially awkward. So I’m sorry if I need to socialize more, but I suck at sports and am socially awkward. And if you don’t do sports in this town then apparently you just don’t exist. And it is not my fault that all the other girls my age are toxic backstabbers. There’s also literally nothing to do in this town to do after school or on the weekends for teenagers. So, sorry mom and coworkers, but I prefer to stay in my room.
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Feb 15, 2024 1:27:35 GMT -5
Having one of those self-reflection moments. I hate being non-binary at heart; why can't I be cisgender (aka "normal")? I wear my hair long, I still play video games, I have a small line of plushies on my bed, I watch gaming content on YouTube, I read books. I'm physically male for God's sake. I need to stop indulging in these childish or feminine activities and become a real flipping man for a change. I'm a loser, a living embarrassment. Real men aren't supposed to enjoy these things. Why can't I be into clubbing, drinking, sports, all the normal masculine activities? Worse still, I feel like a man-baby for still owning plushies, having a like for cute things, and for still playing video games. I hate that I feel so unhappy being myself, and I hate that I'd hate myself if I put on that mask. Also, real men don't vent to people, real men get drunk and forget about their problems.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 15, 2024 11:32:30 GMT -5
Having one of those self-reflection moments. I hate being non-binary at heart; why can't I be cisgender (aka "normal")? I wear my hair long, I still play video games, I have a small line of plushies on my bed, I watch gaming content on YouTube, I read books. I'm physically male for God's sake. I need to stop indulging in these childish or feminine activities and become a real flipping man for a change. I'm a loser, a living embarrassment. Real men aren't supposed to enjoy these things. Why can't I be into clubbing, drinking, sports, all the normal masculine activities? Worse still, I feel like a man-baby for still owning plushies, having a like for cute things, and for still playing video games. I hate that I feel so unhappy being myself, and I hate that I'd hate myself if I put on that mask. Also, real men don't vent to people, real men get drunk and forget about their problems. I don't want to intrude, but I think your concept of masculinity is pretty skewed. Most cis men I know (brothers, friends, husband, etc) would not qualify as "real men" by your requirements. Most of them enjoy video games and Youtube. None of them go clubbing. Many of them never watch nor play sports. A few of them drink, others never drink. None of them "get drunk and forget about their problems" because they don't have maladaptive coping mechanisms; they talk to each other. The majority read for fun, and even prolifically. They would think you very strange (and probably be a bit insulted) if you claimed that their masculinity was determined by any of these things. And these are pretty conservative people. I don't know if maybe it's because the men in your life happen to behave a specific way so that's what you associate with manliness, or if someone has been telling you this, but even by conservative/traditional standards, that's an extremely limited view of masculine gender expression. |
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Feb 15, 2024 11:37:06 GMT -5
Having one of those self-reflection moments. I hate being non-binary at heart; why can't I be cisgender (aka "normal")? I wear my hair long, I still play video games, I have a small line of plushies on my bed, I watch gaming content on YouTube, I read books. I'm physically male for God's sake. I need to stop indulging in these childish or feminine activities and become a real flipping man for a change. I'm a loser, a living embarrassment. Real men aren't supposed to enjoy these things. Why can't I be into clubbing, drinking, sports, all the normal masculine activities? Worse still, I feel like a man-baby for still owning plushies, having a like for cute things, and for still playing video games. I hate that I feel so unhappy being myself, and I hate that I'd hate myself if I put on that mask. Also, real men don't vent to people, real men get drunk and forget about their problems. I don't want to intrude, but I think your concept of masculinity is pretty skewed. Most cis men I know (brothers, friends, husband, etc) would not qualify as "real men" by your requirements. Most of them enjoy video games and Youtube. None of them go clubbing. Many of them never watch nor play sports. A few of them drink, others never drink. None of them "get drunk and forget about their problems" because they don't have maladaptive coping mechanisms; they talk to each other. The majority read for fun, and even prolifically. They would think you very strange (and probably be a bit insulted) if you claimed that their masculinity was determined by any of these things. And these are pretty conservative people. I don't know if maybe it's because the men in your life happen to behave a specific way so that's what you associate with manliness, or if someone has been telling you this, but even by conservative/traditional standards, that's an extremely limited view of masculine gender expression. Just spent too much time today going down the Internet reading rabbit hole. |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 15, 2024 11:39:39 GMT -5
I don't want to intrude, but I think your concept of masculinity is pretty skewed. Most cis men I know (brothers, friends, husband, etc) would not qualify as "real men" by your requirements. Most of them enjoy video games and Youtube. None of them go clubbing. Many of them never watch nor play sports. A few of them drink, others never drink. None of them "get drunk and forget about their problems" because they don't have maladaptive coping mechanisms; they talk to each other. The majority read for fun, and even prolifically. They would think you very strange (and probably be a bit insulted) if you claimed that their masculinity was determined by any of these things. And these are pretty conservative people. I don't know if maybe it's because the men in your life happen to behave a specific way so that's what you associate with manliness, or if someone has been telling you this, but even by conservative/traditional standards, that's an extremely limited view of masculine gender expression. Just spent too much time today going down the Internet reading rabbit hole. I guess I'm just trying to say, none of the things you mention are incompatible with masculinity. I hope it's something you can figure out. |
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Feb 15, 2024 11:42:39 GMT -5
Just spent too much time today going down the Internet reading rabbit hole. I guess I'm just trying to say, none of the things you mention are incompatible with masculinity. I hope it's something you can figure out. Thank you, I appreciate the supportive words. |
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