Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 9, 2022 11:32:18 GMT -5
i feel alone in life like i won't ever have someone who cares about me or who wants to be around me for longer than a few minutes.
all i want is a friend who wants to talk to me and hang out and stuff and who actually seems like they want me in their life but that seems near impossible.
or maybe not, life is full of things we don't know what will happen yet.
i'm frustrated ever since my sister-in-law's bf moved in, my partner has been a total ah and everyone usually always does what the bf wants to do and they spend alll their time with him and yes i am jealous but i feel like i have a right to be esp when my partner talks about how attractive their sister's bf is allll the time and says that they wish that i was more like him it's getting tiring.
|
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 9, 2022 11:46:39 GMT -5
i feel alone in life like i won't ever have someone who cares about me or who wants to be around me for longer than a few minutes. all i want is a friend who wants to talk to me and hang out and stuff and who actually seems like they want me in their life but that seems near impossible. or maybe not, life is full of things we don't know what will happen yet. i'm frustrated ever since my sister-in-law's bf moved in, my partner has been a total ah and everyone usually always does what the bf wants to do and they spend alll their time with him and yes i am jealous but i feel like i have a right to be esp when my partner talks about how attractive their sister's bf is allll the time and says that they wish that i was more like him it's getting tiring. Unironically: dump him |
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 9, 2022 11:50:53 GMT -5
i feel alone in life like i won't ever have someone who cares about me or who wants to be around me for longer than a few minutes. all i want is a friend who wants to talk to me and hang out and stuff and who actually seems like they want me in their life but that seems near impossible. or maybe not, life is full of things we don't know what will happen yet. i'm frustrated ever since my sister-in-law's bf moved in, my partner has been a total ah and everyone usually always does what the bf wants to do and they spend alll their time with him and yes i am jealous but i feel like i have a right to be esp when my partner talks about how attractive their sister's bf is allll the time and says that they wish that i was more like him it's getting tiring. Unironically: dump him i should but there's a lot of factors preventing me from doing that. |
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 9, 2022 12:18:53 GMT -5
i should but there's a lot of factors preventing me from doing that. I can understand living situation stuff but just because you might still have to tolerate someones presence doesn't mean you can't still set up some kind of boundary, imo. That's how things are with me and my roommate right now. Wishing you were someone else is not a kind of "love" anyone should have to deal with. :( |
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 9, 2022 12:33:36 GMT -5
i should but there's a lot of factors preventing me from doing that. I can understand living situation stuff but just because you might still have to tolerate someones presence doesn't mean you can't still set up some kind of boundary, imo. That's how things are with me and my roommate right now. Wishing you were someone else is not a kind of "love" anyone should have to deal with.  you're right thank you a lot for talking with me about this i hope everything turns out ok with you and your roommate. i think i should try seriously discussing things with my partner before i take any drastic measures like breaking things off with them, i have tried before but this time i'm going to try and show that i am very serious about this. i kind of fear what their reaction will be though they have a bit of a temper. |
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 9, 2022 12:46:26 GMT -5
I can understand living situation stuff but just because you might still have to tolerate someones presence doesn't mean you can't still set up some kind of boundary, imo. That's how things are with me and my roommate right now. Wishing you were someone else is not a kind of "love" anyone should have to deal with. you're right thank you a lot for talking with me about this i hope everything turns out ok with you and your roommate. i think i should try seriously discussing things with my partner before i take any drastic measures like breaking things off with them, i have tried before but this time i'm going to try and show that i am very serious about this. i kind of fear what their reaction will be though they have a bit of a temper. I don't think it's drastic measures tbh. he fact that you're afraid of their reaction is setting off about a million alarm bells in my head. I wouldn't give them the room to try to gaslight or persuade you that they will change cause you shouldn't have to wait around for the chance that he might treat you better, people who love their partners and care about how they feel don't do any of the above. period. That's just my input though. |
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 9, 2022 12:59:24 GMT -5
you're right thank you a lot for talking with me about this i hope everything turns out ok with you and your roommate. i think i should try seriously discussing things with my partner before i take any drastic measures like breaking things off with them, i have tried before but this time i'm going to try and show that i am very serious about this. i kind of fear what their reaction will be though they have a bit of a temper. I don't think it's drastic measures tbh. he fact that you're afraid of their reaction is setting off about a million alarm bells in my head. I wouldn't give them the room to try to gaslight or persuade you that they will change cause you shouldn't have to wait around for the chance that he might treat you better, people who love their partners and care about how they feel don't do any of the above. period. That's just my input though. i'm sorry if i'm worrying you it'll be ok. part of me is saying that i should try making more of an effort but the other part of me is saying that there's nothing wrong with me or how i interact with the people i live with, that it's them, but maybe there is something about me that i'm not noticing. or maybe i'm gaslighting myself? is that something that's even possible? what would you do exactly if you were me? |
|
|
|
Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jun 9, 2022 15:23:20 GMT -5
I agree with Leapkit. Being afraid of your significant other's reaction whenever you have something potentially upsetting to tell them is a major red flag. I think it can be worth talking to them about it, though, because I do think you should give them the fair chance to know their behavior is upsetting (unless you've already done so in the past). Sometimes people do stuff without realizing. However, if they try to twist it around and say that you shouldn't have a problem with their comments, that's a sign of manipulative behavior, and you should definitely dump them. Your hurt feelings are absolutely reasonable. |
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 9, 2022 16:41:45 GMT -5
I agree with Leapkit . Being afraid of your significant other's reaction whenever you have something potentially upsetting to tell them is a major red flag. I think it can be worth talking to them about it, though, because I do think you should give them the fair chance to know their behavior is upsetting (unless you've already done so in the past). Sometimes people do stuff without realizing. However, if they try to twist it around and say that you shouldn't have a problem with their comments, that's a sign of manipulative behavior, and you should definitely dump them. Your hurt feelings are absolutely reasonable. thank you for the advice. i did actually try talking to them earlier, i told them that i needed to talk to them in private but for some reason the sister's bf refused to leave the room and my partner was like "this probably involves him so he should be in here too." and as soon as i started speaking SB cut me off and started going on and on about how i should be grateful to my partner, how they saved my from living with my mother, and how they give me everything i could ever want and need despite giving nothing back in return. he does have a point some of the stuff he says is true, and i could be a better partner as well, emotionally i'm great at being a partner but on the physical side of things i'm terrible, i have absolutely no desire and honestly it terrifies me. my partner knew about all of this and they said they understood and that it'd be fine, and honestly if they did have a physical relationship with someone else i would be upset but i would be more understanding but they seem to like him on the emotional front too and there's the fact that they constantly compare us and the other day they jokingly told their sister that they should switch partners. the fact that they seem to like their sister's boyfriend is something that honestly makes me angry like not only are they on the verge of homewrecking their own relationship but their sister's as well. their sister has been kind of neutral in all of this, she says she notices how her brother treats me, and it isn't right, but she also tells me that i should be more patient with them like they always are for me when i'm sick. which is a fair point because i am sick a lot and i imagine it's must have put a lot of emotional strain on my partner to make them worry about me like that. i feel really bad for sharing all of this but the more i try to keep it to myself or just ignore it the worse it seems to get. |
|
|
|
Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jun 9, 2022 18:00:58 GMT -5
DUMP. THEM.
|
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 9, 2022 19:11:14 GMT -5
we're married so i can't just dump them that easily but maybe i could still leave them if you think i should. i mean two people are telling me to dump them so that is a sign that maybe they're not the best for me. |
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 9, 2022 19:47:27 GMT -5
Being married does make things a lot more complicated. Sorry I didn't reply sooner but I'll help if I can.
I feel like anyone is going to be better off on their own than tolerating someone who says one thing and does another. Given things you also told me before this specific vent, they sound very emotionally manipulative in general.
I know that social workers can help if money or finding a new place is an issue and can sometimes offer counseling (not therapy, but a safe place to talk this through and they will be more equipped with resources for your specific location and situation.) I'd see if your local mental health center/family center could set you up to talk with one.
|
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 9, 2022 20:21:52 GMT -5
Being married does make things a lot more complicated. Sorry I didn't reply sooner but I'll help if I can. I feel like anyone is going to be better off on their own than tolerating someone who says one thing and does another. Given things you also told me before this specific vent, they sound very emotionally manipulative in general. I know that social workers can help if money or finding a new place is an issue and can sometimes offer counseling (not therapy, but a safe place to talk this through and they will be more equipped with resources for your specific location and situation.) I'd see if your local mental health center/family center could set you up to talk with one. it's okay i understand that people have their own lives and that they can't respond asap, i should be apologising for the same thing seeing as it took me awhile to respond as well. i really appreciate the fact that you want to help me, it means a lot it actually makes me happy because it makes me feel like i'm less of a burden that everyone would be better off without. thanks for the suggestions i'll try looking into it i am a bit afraid though because my partner is against the idea of mental health and they get really angry whenever someone mentions it. i just thought of something else they have been doing lately that makes me angry. they keep complaining about my appearance talking about how i'm "too skinny" and it's a turn off, yet whenever i eat they complain that i'm chewing too loudly (i'm not), or that it's not a proper time to eat like wth do they want from me? it's probably not that big of a deal but it's super illogical and it pisses me off. |
|
|
|
Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jun 10, 2022 9:55:16 GMT -5
it just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. here's the red flags i've heard so far:
--compares you to someone else specifically
--criticizes your appearance
--repeatedly remarks on how attractive other person you live with is
--refuses to respect your request to private discussion as a married couple
--minimizes and/or dismisses your mental health struggles
--makes you feel scared to ever upset them
--presumably has anger issues
--lets someone else belittle you
--agrees with someone who said that you should never criticize your partner because he meets the bare minimum requirements of being nice when you're sick
--even their sister agrees they don't treat you well
--you feel lonely and neglected even though you are married (not normal)
it's quite a lot and it sounds like all this has been going on for a long time. you could see about marriage counseling, but that requires both party's agreement, and it sounds like they're pretty hostile to intervention or confronting issues within the relationship. it might be worth at least suggesting it, though. at the very least so that in the future you can look back feel comforted that you at least tried.
i'm sorry you're going through this. nobody deserves to have a partner that dismisses their issues and wrecks their self-esteem. i don't have much suggestion in terms of getting out, but i'm sure there's resources out there.
|
|
|
|
Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jun 10, 2022 11:28:36 GMT -5
unrelated to the above discussion but every time i see one of those stupid facebook posts that are like "Exactly 10pm tomorrow, and unexpected blessing from God is coming your way!! Share to claim it!! AMEN!!" i think i die a little inside. people really out here honestly believing prayer with an omnipotent supreme being works like a 2003 myspace chain email scam.
|
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 10, 2022 13:06:19 GMT -5
unrelated to the above discussion but every time i see one of those stupid facebook posts that are like "Exactly 10pm tomorrow, and unexpected blessing from God is coming your way!! Share to claim it!! AMEN!!" i think i die a little inside. people really out here honestly believing prayer with an omnipotent supreme being works like a 2003 myspace chain email scam. Like for JESUS ignore for SATIN!!!!!1!11!!! |
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 11, 2022 0:28:04 GMT -5
it just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. here's the red flags i've heard so far: --compares you to someone else specifically --criticizes your appearance --repeatedly remarks on how attractive other person you live with is --refuses to respect your request to private discussion as a married couple --minimizes and/or dismisses your mental health struggles --makes you feel scared to ever upset them --presumably has anger issues --lets someone else belittle you --agrees with someone who said that you should never criticize your partner because he meets the bare minimum requirements of being nice when you're sick --even their sister agrees they don't treat you well --you feel lonely and neglected even though you are married (not normal) it's quite a lot and it sounds like all this has been going on for a long time. you could see about marriage counseling, but that requires both party's agreement, and it sounds like they're pretty hostile to intervention or confronting issues within the relationship. it might be worth at least suggesting it, though. at the very least so that in the future you can look back feel comforted that you at least tried. i'm sorry you're going through this. nobody deserves to have a partner that dismisses their issues and wrecks their self-esteem. i don't have much suggestion in terms of getting out, but i'm sure there's resources out there. thank you, i really appreciate your sympathy and how nice you're being to me about this, you and Xenohazard both. it almost seems a bit strange that people would be so nice but i'm not going to complain at all about it because it's wonderful. as for my partner... i confronted them about everything i just let it all out and they reacted...not that well. i'm putting it in a spoil because i feel like this is something that not a lot of people will feel comfortable reading. they said that they should have known that i was too young and immature for a serious relationship and they said they regret the fact that they were stuck with an ungrateful spoiled b.
i told them that they're not dead yet and they know where the door is i also called them a dumb a which i know wasn't the best thing to do.
it set them off like... they were so unbelievably angry.
things escalated surprisingly the boyfriend actually defended me after things got physical.
their sister then called a mutual friend to help deescalate things and now i'm staying with them until things settle down a bit more.
after all the red flags that's been pointed out and everything that's happened idk if there's a way to salvage this i really want to because we haven't even been married half a year and i can only imagine all the "i told you so"s that i'm going to get.
usually i'm able to convince myself that things will be ok but right now i feel so angry i'm a failure and there's nothing that i can seem to do to make it right. i don't even know what happened or what i did. i don't understand at all and i hate it.
i can think of some reasons but they're not valid at all. i apologise for any oversharing and for just all of this in general. |
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 11, 2022 9:21:35 GMT -5
it just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. here's the red flags i've heard so far: --compares you to someone else specifically --criticizes your appearance --repeatedly remarks on how attractive other person you live with is --refuses to respect your request to private discussion as a married couple --minimizes and/or dismisses your mental health struggles --makes you feel scared to ever upset them --presumably has anger issues --lets someone else belittle you --agrees with someone who said that you should never criticize your partner because he meets the bare minimum requirements of being nice when you're sick --even their sister agrees they don't treat you well --you feel lonely and neglected even though you are married (not normal) it's quite a lot and it sounds like all this has been going on for a long time. you could see about marriage counseling, but that requires both party's agreement, and it sounds like they're pretty hostile to intervention or confronting issues within the relationship. it might be worth at least suggesting it, though. at the very least so that in the future you can look back feel comforted that you at least tried. i'm sorry you're going through this. nobody deserves to have a partner that dismisses their issues and wrecks their self-esteem. i don't have much suggestion in terms of getting out, but i'm sure there's resources out there. thank you, i really appreciate your sympathy and how nice you're being to me about this, you and Xenohazard both. it almost seems a bit strange that people would be so nice but i'm not going to complain at all about it because it's wonderful. as for my partner... i confronted them about everything i just let it all out and they reacted...not that well. i'm putting it in a spoil because i feel like this is something that not a lot of people will feel comfortable reading. they said that they should have known that i was too young and immature for a serious relationship and they said they regret the fact that they were stuck with an ungrateful spoiled b.
i told them that they're not dead yet and they know where the door is i also called them a dumb a which i know wasn't the best thing to do.
it set them off like... they were so unbelievably angry.
things escalated surprisingly the boyfriend actually defended me after things got physical.
their sister then called a mutual friend to help deescalate things and now i'm staying with them until things settle down a bit more.
after all the red flags that's been pointed out and everything that's happened idk if there's a way to salvage this i really want to because we haven't even been married half a year and i can only imagine all the "i told you so"s that i'm going to get.
usually i'm able to convince myself that things will be ok but right now i feel so angry i'm a failure and there's nothing that i can seem to do to make it right. i don't even know what happened or what i did. i don't understand at all and i hate it.
i can think of some reasons but they're not valid at all. i apologise for any oversharing and for just all of this in general. Don't be sorry. I'm glad we could help and mostly angry at him on your behalf. I do worry for you. I just wish I could give you a hug. :( (if you wanted one, that is.) At least it's gonna be a lot easier to go forward if you haven't been together long than if you had been together for several years and already had like several kids in the mix or whatever. Given his resistance to therapy or willingness to see anything from your side, I don't know if salvaging it is really good for you. Having dealt with people like this before, usually the best outcome is them just saying they will change, getting better for maybe a month or so, and then going right back to where it started or sometimes worse. Which is an awful cycle to deal with. You're not selfish or ungrateful for wanting imo the bare minimum of respect here. I haven't dealt with this situation exactly, but my mom treated me the same way, that I basically owed her everything whenever, just because she gave birth to me and put a roof over my head and clothes and food. Which are literally BARE minimums. There was no love or trust at all. Which are equally if not more necessary for a healthy relationship of any kind whether or not it is romantic/familial/platonic. I hope he didn't hurt you too bad and you're safe now. |
|
Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
|
Post by Dark Sun on Jun 11, 2022 14:07:04 GMT -5
For the past few years I've seen an unsettling trend of cat owners in my neighborhood allowing their feline companions to roam free outside, day and/or night. Traffic isn't much of an issue in my neighborhood, but just last week there was a raccoon and lynx sighting nearby. This is also not to mention the rodent and bird populations that have taken a noticeable hit. The strata seem to be content with this change of habit. It's utterly ridiculous if you ask me.  |
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 11, 2022 14:16:53 GMT -5
thank you, i really appreciate your sympathy and how nice you're being to me about this, you and Xenohazard both. it almost seems a bit strange that people would be so nice but i'm not going to complain at all about it because it's wonderful. as for my partner... i confronted them about everything i just let it all out and they reacted...not that well. i'm putting it in a spoil because i feel like this is something that not a lot of people will feel comfortable reading. they said that they should have known that i was too young and immature for a serious relationship and they said they regret the fact that they were stuck with an ungrateful spoiled b.
i told them that they're not dead yet and they know where the door is i also called them a dumb a which i know wasn't the best thing to do.
it set them off like... they were so unbelievably angry.
things escalated surprisingly the boyfriend actually defended me after things got physical.
their sister then called a mutual friend to help deescalate things and now i'm staying with them until things settle down a bit more.
after all the red flags that's been pointed out and everything that's happened idk if there's a way to salvage this i really want to because we haven't even been married half a year and i can only imagine all the "i told you so"s that i'm going to get.
usually i'm able to convince myself that things will be ok but right now i feel so angry i'm a failure and there's nothing that i can seem to do to make it right. i don't even know what happened or what i did. i don't understand at all and i hate it.
i can think of some reasons but they're not valid at all. i apologise for any oversharing and for just all of this in general. Don't be sorry. I'm glad we could help and mostly angry at him on your behalf. I do worry for you. I just wish I could give you a hug. (if you wanted one, that is.) At least it's gonna be a lot easier to go forward if you haven't been together long than if you had been together for several years and already had like several kids in the mix or whatever. Given his resistance to therapy or willingness to see anything from your side, I don't know if salvaging it is really good for you. Having dealt with people like this before, usually the best outcome is them just saying they will change, getting better for maybe a month or so, and then going right back to where it started or sometimes worse. Which is an awful cycle to deal with. You're not selfish or ungrateful for wanting imo the bare minimum of respect here. I haven't dealt with this situation exactly, but my mom treated me the same way, that I basically owed her everything whenever, just because she gave birth to me and put a roof over my head and clothes and food. Which are literally BARE minimums. There was no love or trust at all. Which are equally if not more necessary for a healthy relationship of any kind whether or not it is romantic/familial/platonic. I hope he didn't hurt you too bad and you're safe now. thank you so much for all of your kind words, and for how you've been trying to help me you and Saint Ambrosef are like truly kind hearted people and it's incredible. i never felt this cared about before and even though life is looking a bit dim right now you're bringing in a bit of light. i'd love a hug btw thank you for the offer! you make a very good point about it being better that things ended before kids and stuff were added to the mix, speaking of kids, during our fight my partner said that i was lucky that someone was willing to be with me considering that i'm basically useless to be with long term since i'm unable to have bio children and probably never will be and thus can't start a "real" family. which stung a lot honestly. i really don't think our relationship can be salvaged it seems like they were just using me until someone better came along and i was stupid and desperate enough to fall for it. i'm sorry your mom treated you this way, that's not right, especially since she's supposed to be the main person to love and care about you, i remember you telling me other things in pms and it's just awful, i'm here for you whenever you need me. it kind of makes me angry when people say that we should love and respect our mothers and most of the time that's valid but when you have mothers like us... mine wasn't too bad though, she did start getting angry at me for getting sick so much, and she'd always say how her life would be so much easier if she didn't have me to deal with but it could have been much worse. the two biggest relationships in my life and this is what i have to show for it...fantastic. i can't get stuck in this negativity mindset though, i'm 18 i still have plenty of time to forge new relationships i just have to try to think positively. again thank you so so so much you really have no idea how much this means to me, i hope that things are going good for you as well and if not i hope they do soon. |
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 11, 2022 14:26:33 GMT -5
I will never understand people who treat having biological children like the be all end all of a relationship. Some people dont want kids at all, and honestly with the amount of kids abandoned in the foster care system I'd be much happier to take in a child that would otherwise have no one, personally. I know some people just want babies to raise but babies are so stressful. I'd rather adopt a kid that can at least kind of tell me what they need and communicate with me. But maybe that's just because I do NOT have the patience for baby stuff or training a human how to human from scratch lol. I knew this, even though I did have a biological kid, and his adopted family is better than me or mine could have ever have been for him and I'm grateful for that.
But also. If he treats his spouse like this, I shudder to think how he would parent a child. 😬
|
|
Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
|
Post by Dark Sun on Jun 11, 2022 14:37:59 GMT -5
Our strata play favorites, and it's ridiculous. Making up names here, but Bill over there can paint the interior of his home, Jane cannot. What did Jane do? Nothing. That restriction was placed upon her on a whim. Meanwhile, Bob can put a cat flap in his door, but anyone else who attempts to do so will receive a multi thousand dollar fine. Plenty of people in my neighborhood have gates up on their balconies to keep the free-range cats out. I attempted that last summer - the gate, which was made of plastic, was attached with suction cups - and a day later my family was hit with a 4k fine, even though there was no damage done to the wood.
It's infuriating. I swear they just flip a coin and decide on our privileges and restrictions that way. |
|
|
|
Post by Saint Ambrosef on Jun 11, 2022 14:44:53 GMT -5
it's kinda of heartbreaking that what to me seems like basic human kindness and support is so incredible to you. you are definitely worth more than you are receiving from the people around you. the unfortunate truth is that a lot of people who were brought up in abusive or even just emotionally chaotic households fall victim to other toxic relationships later in life because they're so used to it, so please don't blame yourself for the situation you are in.
always here if you ever need to talk about it!
|
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 11, 2022 14:55:25 GMT -5
I will never understand people who treat having biological children like the be all end all of a relationship. Some people dont want kids at all, and honestly with the amount of kids abandoned in the foster care system I'd be much happier to take in a child that would otherwise have no one, personally. I know some people just want babies to raise but babies are so stressful. I'd rather adopt a kid that can at least kind of tell me what they need and communicate with me. But maybe that's just because I do NOT have the patience for baby stuff or training a human how to human from scratch lol. I knew this, even though I did have a biological kid, and his adopted family is better than me or mine could have ever have been for him and I'm grateful for that. But also. If he treats his spouse like this, I shudder to think how he would parent a child. 😬 i fully agree. i'd much rather adopt too and an older kid at that, or maybe even a teen which would be a bit weird now, but maybe when i'm like 40? i've often heard that usually babies are the ones who are adopted first and some people spend their whole lives in foster care and i just want someone to feel like they have a true home no matter their age. i don't know how to train a human to a human either lol it's not the patience though for me it's just the fact that i'm not very assertive and not a take charge sort of person, i imagine they could turn out to be spoiled and walk all over me but i also have hope that maybe a different outcome would happen, but you never know until it happens. you did what was best for your kid and that's incredible, i'm glad he's doing well  . honestly they treated me a lot like a kid so i think they probably will treat a child the same way. like they'd always tell me what i could and couldn't do and whenever i said that i could make my own choices, they'd say they're only trying to do what's best for me. they'd also always do that arm thing that parents do when they aren't done talking to you yet, or when you're doing something they hate or that's embarrassing without realising it, so they grab your upper arm, shake you, and tell you harshly to stop, or whatever they want to say. it's a bit hard to put into words but i think i've explained the gist of it. |
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 11, 2022 14:57:11 GMT -5
it's kinda of heartbreaking that what to me seems like basic human kindness and support is so incredible to you. you are definitely worth more than you are receiving from the people around you. the unfortunate truth is that a lot of people who were brought up in abusive or even just emotionally chaotic households fall victim to other toxic relationships later in life because they're so used to it, so please don't blame yourself for the situation you are in. always here if you ever need to talk about it! i'm sorry for making you sad! i know it's no problem though but still, i'm sorry. thank you so much, that means a lot! if you ever need to talk as well i will listen. |
|
Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
|
Post by Dark Sun on Jun 12, 2022 2:13:36 GMT -5
I've got a couple figures lying about - one from HZD, another from the most recent God of War, and another one is on the way, Gerald from The Witcher III. My heavily religious mother would flip if I knew I owned these (she deems anything that isn't linked to the Bible to be "satanic"), so I'm always paranoid that one day she'll find out about them.  (I keep them in a cupboard that is built in to the bottom of my bookshelf.) I want to order some more awesome figures like these eventually, but the more I accumulate, the more likely I feel that one day she'll spot them and flip.  |
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 12, 2022 8:53:16 GMT -5
Oh boy I sure do love having trauma nightmares for 3 nights in a row!!
|
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 12, 2022 11:13:07 GMT -5
Oh boy I sure do love having trauma nightmares for 3 nights in a row!! those are awful, i hope you're ok, i'd give you a hug if you were ok with that but if not i get it fully. regardless if you want to talk about it, you can, but if not i understand i just hope that you you'll be ok. |
|
Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
|
Post by Leapkit on Jun 13, 2022 16:50:59 GMT -5
Everyone I love is going to either abandon me or die.
Why is life even worth it anymore.
|
|
Genderfluid
#9f9ab7
Name Colour
smallfly
|
Post by smallfly on Jun 13, 2022 18:34:09 GMT -5
Everyone I love is going to either abandon me or die. Why is life even worth it anymore. i personally feel like life is worth living because even though things may seem bad now, there's still hope it won't always be like that. there are no guarantees in life, the world is constantly changing, and there are so many possibilities out there and different ways that life can turn out. maybe what you fear will happen, or maybe it won't but there's no way to know for sure. you also helped me a lot when i needed it, i think that helping people makes life worth living. it can be hard though to really think about things when you're feeling this way so i understand if what i'm saying doesn't resonate but i care about you, and so do other people, and i really hope you realise that. would you like to talk about it? |
|
.
(I keep them in a cupboard that is built in to the bottom of my bookshelf.) I want to order some more awesome figures like these eventually, but the more I accumulate, the more likely I feel that one day she'll spot them and flip. 