vent thread 4 all

So I was gaming today and, due to a glitch, I lost literally everything. Thankfully it was a new save, but like, that has lead to a waste of a day... (Up until this point I was just lying in bed.) That aside, once again, my mother was super helpful. She walked by, saw that I was glum, and looked at me as if she was disgusted by me and said, "It's just a game, get over it. There's more to life than that." She says the same thing whenever I lose a game save, if a painting I'm working on gets ruined, if a book I'm reading gets ruined, whatever the situation. But according to her, her paintings and drawings (which she doesn't make any money off of) are valuable because she says so. Oh, but my passions aren't. I bet you if I was painting and she was painting at the same time, and someone knocked over my painting and it was ruined, she would groan that it was "just a painting" and that it means nothing, but if the same happened to hers, she would be in the same glum mood I would have been. Empathy? Nah, none...

Little else grinds my gears more than deeming other people's hobbies "a waste of time" while their own are "actually meaningful", or even criticizing others on the same hobbies that they have, but claiming that theirs are worth more because it's their own and not the other person's.

I can understand this.

When your mother threatens to cut off all financial support, including paying for college and other bills.
Because you stayed over five days by your partner’s place.
And if you want to be grown, you should move in with them. And lose all financial support in the process because that is what being grown means.

Especially since, I can’t work neurotypical jobs due to my disability, so I have zero way to make money or actually support myself without parental aid.

So I have impulsively decided to break up with my partner of two and a half years so I have less reason to go over there and spend too many days there. (Even when their presence is actively beneficial to my work ethic but screw that, apparently.)

Also my dad apparently shares my mom’s feelings on the matter of me being over there too much and May also be mad at me.
And apparently all three of us will be having some form of talk whenever Thanksgiving Break occurs.

Mom also going on about how: He doesn’t drive, he has no job, he has no direction in life, etc.
(They can’t drive because they suffer Complex PTSD related to a car wreck, they are trying to focus on their education at the moment, hence no job rn, and they’re still trying to figure out what they want to do, which they have time for.)

I have a vision for what I want my bedroom/gaming room to look like, but I simply don't have the money nor the space to achieve it.

I live in a converted garage. It looks decent, but it has no windows, and the space isn't exactly the greatest, nor is the layout. On one side of my room are four separate doors - two lead to a crawlspace, one is up a flight of stairs that leads to the second floor of the house next to the front door, and one that leads to the other half of the garage that is divided from my half by a wall. Basically, deco wise, that side of my room is useless and I've had to cover the door leading to the garage and the flight of stairs with two separate red curtains.

On the opposite side of my room is a massive control panel adjacent to my bed. Also, every single socket is located on that side of the room, so to hide the switches, buttons, and the mess of cords I've had to invest in another curtain.

My room is about 40 feet lengthwise and about half of that in its width. It isn't exactly the largest space to work with, and half of it is compromised.

Regardless if I paint the room, change all of the décor and the furniture, etc., it'll still largely look the same. I suppose I'll just have to save up money and hope that one day I get a bigger space to work with and I can immediately invest in all new furniture, paint options, the whole shebang.

It sucks, being a part of an amazing group (a Discord group I'm a part of), but never quite fitting in. Their optimism and their shenanigans help contribute positively to my well-being, but I really don't feel like I contribute back in any meaningful way. There's also still a negative side of me that has never truly left me, and that I may carry for the rest of my life. I'm probably going to leave this group (and WCRP as well) and strike it out on my own socially, but I don't know if telling anyone would cause drama, or if it would better (or worse) to leave without a word.

Even when I put effort into my work and make sure I have everything turned in on time my Spanish grade still doesn't get any better. It's so frustrating.

I'm so freaking mad (and at the same time sad right now). I had a mental breakdown last Friday (26th of November) which let itself out after being unproductive and unmotivated to do anything all day long (thus feeling like shit) when my laptop/notebook of ten years crashed for the final time during the evening. My mom consoled me and stayed calm while taking care to order a new one next day while my dad just asked why I was apparently "losing my mind yet again". My mother in turn was feeling awful today after a very stressful shift at work and started having a migraine in the afternoon (it's evening where I am now). She told my dad and he still managed to get upset about something trivial yet again ("the dishwasher not getting stacked with dishes by my mom the way he wanted it/usually did it") and barging into the bathroom while she was in the middle of taking a bath to calm herself and ease some of the pain. He threw his temper tantrum at her and then slammed the door that even I could hear it all the way to my room without even giving her a chance to reply. She just went off on him in the living room and is now crying in the kitchen with her migraine (which runs in her family/is genetic as I have those frequently as well). I tried consoling her after hearing them argue but she wants to be left alone at the moment.

I remember our family dynamic and my parents relationship being this way ever since I was a small child. The fact that my father is so without any empathy even after all these years of living together and knowing what my mother needs when she is in pain (which is a calm enviroment) truly baffles and upsets me. Not to mention the fact that I clearly have these anger issues from him and he still thinks it's fine to act the way he does but when I do it he calls me insane. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be like him. And I don't want to keep on seeing my parents be in a relationship. But that has been my wish since childhood and they are still together.

Life's complicated right now. I have everything I want and I am?/was? happy, I don't know. I have relapsed into some very toxic/harmful behaviors and I don't want to stop, until I'm satisfied. Waiting to hear back if I got accepted to my dream college. I have a doctor's appointment soon I'm very anxious about. Due to the fear she'll be able to tell I've relapsed and send me to get help. I'm very fatigued, kinda lonely, a bit depressed. I don't know man.

My Mother and Father are finally getting all legal paperwork together to start the process of getting a divorce(seriously should of happened years ago). My mother has suffered from chronic anorexia nervosa for the past 35+ years, and has basically intentionally starved herself to were she’s disabled, and entirely dependent on other people for everything, which has put tremendous strain on not my father, but the rest of the family as well, since she’s very vindictive and extremely demanding, and acts like the world revolves around her needs and wants, and that she should always be top priority, and she’s refused all the help the doctors/physical therapists/dietician/nutritionist you name it, have offered her and various types of medical advice over the years to try to get her better. And she’s even been offered to be taken to an Assisted living home for people like her, that would be fully paid for by Medicare, and has adamantly denied going and has stated she’d rather die then go, which to me is very selfish, as she knows it would take a lot of stress and anxiety off the rest of the family, especially my Dad since he would no longer have to take care of her day and night, which has really worn him down over the years, to where he’s extremely irritable and stubborn, and doesn’t ever have time or motivation to ever want to anything as a family anymore from being too tired from having to work and then take care of her all the time. Thankfully they are now getting separated from each other, because it’s been nothing but toxicity for both of them. But my mother is demanding half the assets, and is forcing my father to sell the House in order to give her Half the money, that she never lifted a Finger to contribute to earning for anything that they had, and is money she’ll undoubtedly never even use, since after the divorce she’s just gonna be sitting in a wheelchair in an assisted living home unable to go anywhere, or do anything with it. And with the government, plus her SSI paying for the Home, there’s really no reason for her to have the money that I can see, except that’s she’s spiteful and selfish and feels entitled to it somehow, and just wants to hurt my dad for divorcing her and finally having enough of her self-loathing and negativity. The lawyer and her Doctors have stated on numerous occasions that the best outcome would be for her to just die in her sleep, and admittedly there’s been plenty of times I wished she just didn’t wake up the next morning, so has the rest of the family. And I do feel guilt for feeling that way at times, but
It would be a huge relief for everyone, and she’d also be liberated from her suffering, that quite frankly, she’s largely brought upon herself, but still.

A little dark and morbid, but I needed to vent somewhere.

people stop using "advent" for secular purposes challenge

seeing corporations sell christmas countdown calendars as "advent calendars" makes me grind my teeth into dust. advent is a liturgical term of precisely religious meaning and importance, and im sick of seeing it relegated to a cutesy chocolate dispenser for microdosing christmas to the point where 90% of consumers don't event know what Advent actually refers to. literally a prime example of legitimate religious appropriation.

also the stupid secular renditions of the "twelve days of christmas" can eat my ass. the original song lyrics had very intrinsic religious meaning that was representative of christian theological tradition in reference to the actual twelve days of christmas (a liturgical season that starts, not ends, on dec 25), which btw has its origins in the early culturally-Jewish Christians' celebration of Chanukkah. its like making a secular cover of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" -- converting it into cutesy lyrics about candy and presents is super insensitive/disrespectful to the original song's meaning. go eat shit.

i dislike it when people judge others using their religion as the sole reason. Especially if that person doesn’t even believe in that religion because it is irrelevant to them. Like for example when people quote the Bible to me in discussion that has little to do with religion, it really means nothing to me. And I honestly feel no obligation to respect a religion has people telling that me and my family will be suffering in Hell forever. The people of said religion? Fine because I don’t assume someone is bad for whatever religion they subscribe to. But their religion? As long it doesn’t control or disrupt my life.

That’s fine with me. I honestly have very little respect towards Christianity dueto constant unwanted exposure to it, among other things to put it lightly. I don’t really expect Christians to get anything but righteous about that, which I am used anyways. So... *shrugs* it’s just another day being surrounded by Christians to me.

Saint Ambrosef if I may ask, what are your feelings on generic christmas countdown calendars with chocolates that are not related to advent? would you still prefer it if people didn't use them because of their original connection to advent? forgive me if this is an ignorant question, I don't know anything about Catholic beliefs.

Good to know! That was informative and quite interesting, thank you for answering. If I buy any Christmas countdown calendars in the future, I’ll avoid purchasing ones that call themselves “advent” calendars.