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Post by The Noble Dragon on Apr 21, 2017 20:31:22 GMT -5
I'm going to continue on with the Respect discussion because there has been something that has come up that I feel needs to be addressed in general
Criticizing someone. It IS very possible to criticize someone's work or actions without disrespecting them as a person. In fact it will probably make people pay more attention to what you have to say if you DON"T disrespect their person hood.
For example, Say there's a person on a sports team who gets more playtime than someone who might be more skilled than them. What some people tend to say, which is very disrespectful to that person, is: "Wow they suck so bad! I don't know why they are even on the team they are so terrible, why did the coach play them if they were this bad???? THey should play THIS PERSON because they are obviously so much better than that poor excuse of a player over there."
Here's another way to say that without disrespecting the player: "Man that player needs to improve on some things then they will be an amazing player!. I also with this other play would get some more playtime."
One. You don't need to put someone down in order to criticize them. As someone both who has played soccer, coached soccer and dealt with managers at work who don't know how to criticize my work without making me feel terrible and like I can't do anything write. The best way to make someone learn something is to point out what they did good and then nicely point out what they can improve on AND if you can, tell them how they can improve in a nice way. Two. You don't need to put someone down JUST to put someone else on a higher pedestle. It doens't create a healthy environment when people have to compete just for respect like that. Don't blame others for your or someone's shortcommings.
Another example of the right and wrong way to do things:
"Man I can't beleive Jesse got Employee of the month! I've done sooooo much more work than Jesse!!!!!! It's not fair that Jesse got put before me when Jesse doesn't even do that good of a job!!!!!!"
or
"Wow congrats Jesse on the Employee of the month! I'm a little surprised I didn't get it but I'm sure I'll get it next month. I should talk to the manager to see how I can improve and get the bonus!"
See you don't need to put others down, especially if it isn't their fault for something (Like say a restaurant running out of your fav food. It isn't the servers faults) You can criticize someone or someting without disrespecting them and slandering them and I think Everyone (including myself becauce I still struggle with this) should try to activley work on it.
Bonus: If you feel someone is disrespecting you like this and you don't know how to react. My mom always tells me about her "Bubble" its similar to the personal space bubble. She told me that you need to train others on how they can approach your bubble. For example. If someone is telling you that you are doing a terrible job at something but won't offer any positive feedback or a way to improve at that job. Every time they do this ask them "How can I do better" and "Is there anythign I did right?" if you keep this up eventually they'll get tired of you asking and start off by telling you what you are doing right and then give you feedback on how to do better. you HAVE to keep it up though. It also makes people pay attention to the positive things you are doing. I'll write more on the Bubble another time I have to leave for work rn
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on Apr 22, 2017 6:54:41 GMT -5
I love this so much! Thank you! I think a lot of people need to read this cause it is super important ^^ I want to contribute to this but I don't have the time atm!
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Post by ͠ɴ͠ɪ͠ɢ͠ʜ͠ᴛ͠ᴍ͠ɪ͠s͠ᴛ515 on Apr 25, 2017 14:24:54 GMT -5
Help someone just... (is this what you call "bullying"?) bullied me...... ?
Okay so because it's testing week and stuff, we get a small "free period" at the end of the day. Many teachers take their classes outside to walk around the track we have outside. So my class went out there and there was this girl. So I've talked to her before, and I would consider us friends. But when we went out on the track, she stepped on my ankle/foot and made my shoe fall off. And because I am an average teenager I was embarrassed. Geez, just talking about makes me feel awkward. Anyways. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed because I didn't do it. At first I thought she did it as a joke and half on accident. But then she kept doing it. Finally is just kind of started yelling at her and keeping an eye on her to avoid hef, and then she stopped. So I assumed she was done, but then next chance she got, she did it. I yelled kind of loud I guess because I saw the teachers look at us. I guess they weren't bothered or didn't care or understand. But meh, I knew if I would ignore her and not let her get to me, she'd stop. But we sat down in the bleachers so she didn't get another chance to step on my foot. Idk it just was bugging me. My thoughts are If she does it again, I'm going to tell my teacher. (I didn't tell on her yet.) Anyways, just needed to spread my sadness and awkward teenage feelings. Thanks?
Edit: Honestly, I think she was just doing it for attention. Also because of her teenage hormones telling to do that because it makes her cool. You know how this goes.
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on Apr 25, 2017 14:57:38 GMT -5
Ok that is really annoying and a strange way of trying to get attention. My friends and I would do that to each other back and forth just joking around with each other but it was never any form of bullying and it was just "for fun" I guess idk Why would she be doing that though? That seems just strange. Like what point was she trying to make? Like 'look, I just gave this girl a flat tire hahahahah'? Seems a bit messed up to me. And why out of the blue would she do that too? It seems like she must have def been trying to get on your nerve. Like I can totally see if someone was joking around or did so accidentally but if they are doing it purposely and won't stop? That really isn't ok. I mean, honestly, what did you do to deserve that at all? I think maybe the reason that she kept going on with it was because she was getting a reaction out of you and often times, that is exactly what "bullies" are looking for. But it becomes a problem because it is hard to ignore them and you want them to stop. I'm surprised none of the teachers even cared that she was doing this to you? Probably just figured you were playing around? But I'd definetly say that is she continues to mess with you, talk to someone because she shouldn't be treating you that way. It ain't right at all especially if you've done nothing to provoke her.
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Post by ͠ɴ͠ɪ͠ɢ͠ʜ͠ᴛ͠ᴍ͠ɪ͠s͠ᴛ515 on Apr 25, 2017 15:36:36 GMT -5
Lol I like the way you phrased that lol. "Oh look I have that girl a flat tire." idk that was funny to me. Anyways, well she knows about my retainer thingy because I was born with a cleft lip (that basically means my mouth was hecked up and so now I wear a retainer until I stop growing. (Just in case you didn't know?) Woo. Its fun. (sarcasm)) and it has this fake tooth attached to it (i know it's weird)... Umm.. Soooo well I was also with my other friend(let's call her "tall friend" to avoid confusion)and she even said it wasn't cool to do that to me. (friendship is magic!) And tall friend asked why that girl was doing that to me and she kept claiming that she wasn't going to do that to tall friend. The third time tall friend asked, she whispered (but I am not deaf) that it was because "[Tall friend] didn't have a weird fake tooth." Honestly I should've gone to report her then and there, but I am a wuas. So lol. Idk. But yea, if she does do it again, I'll make sure to do something. Also yea, I agree. I think the teachers just didn't understand. -Proceed with caution. This spoiler mentions things about ethnicity. You have been warned- (i feel like I didn't spell "warn" correctly) Thinking again, it might be because of our races. So that girl is asian and so am i, spoiler. (proud to be an asain). And my tall friend is white, but she's cool. Idk. My sister seems to be kind of racist against her own race, sometimes, or maybe she just doesn't like people xD. Anyways, this could be that girl's case. Idk. Just theorizing. Maybe she's jealous at something I have? She was a transfer student? So maybe? Because I've been at my school all grades, while she's just recently transferred. Thanks for reading my garbage! (joking)
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on Apr 25, 2017 17:16:13 GMT -5
xD Well it just seems like such a sad way of trying to pick on someone xD Like Idk why people even pick on anyone to begin with. What's the point? We are all different. We all have different likes, dislikes, hobbies, looks, opinions ect I don't see why people can't respect others and just leave em alone- ya know? What do you gain out of hurting other people? Just leave others alone, no need to judge them, or laugh at them or joke about them. Would you want someone to do that to you? Would you want someone to invalidate you just to make you feel better????
It just irks me to no end and annoys me so much when you hear stories of people who make fun of others, for whatever reason it is, but especially for reasons that they have no control over! Like you need to wear a retainer- why does that have any effect on this girl? It's not your fault. You don't have any control over that. You shouldn't be judged on that basis! You shouldn't be bullied for any reason! It is just so messed up and yet people still judge and bully people. And the funny thing is too, its like when you get older, no one cares about it as much? Like prime time is teenagers who feel the need to bring others down just to make themselves feel better over literally any small thing they can find. All through my younger years until I graduated HS (even a bit still), I was bullied because of what I wore, because I was quiet, because I didn't seem to fit in with anyone, because I was different, because I was a twin and because of the way I look and that I had this weird spacing in my teeth because of, thank you, braces. And it hurts a lot. Those feelings of being bullied when I was younger have left me super insecure about myself and has caused me many issues with my life. So ya, bullying is not cool at all. And I wish that bullies really understood the affect that it has on people.
If she does continue though and things get worse, I would go to the teachers because she needs to learn that bullying isn't ok, no matter how severe or not, or even the form it is in
And I know it is hard, but if you can stand up to her and let her know, without necessarily yelling at her, that is isn't ok what she is doing and needs to stop, then maybe she will on her own? It is never easy but it makes you feel so good when you are able to stand up for yourself. In high school, my senior year, there were two freshman who were talking 'behind my back' about me and my sister (legit behind our backs- like they were actually behind us) in the locker room before practice and they had been staring and talking about us a lot before but this was really the final straw because they were much louder now, like they wanted us to hear, and it was just not ok. So, I walked over and I stood them up and the looks on their faces was absolutely priceless, because they don't expect you to stand up for yourself and when you do, they don't know how to act. Anyway, it was in front of everyone in the locker room so everyone heard and that was the end of their bullying for the most part- put them in their place yup yup
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Post by ͠ɴ͠ɪ͠ɢ͠ʜ͠ᴛ͠ᴍ͠ɪ͠s͠ᴛ515 on Apr 26, 2017 18:58:42 GMT -5
*applause* Good job for standing up to those guys! Props to pumpkin!
Anyways, yea you're right. So I'm going to tell my science teacher about her (because that's one of my classes i have with her. And the only one. Luckily. Unless you count gym, which we rotate every 9 weeks.) (my school is weird) Thanks for the support, Pic. It really does make a difference, because sometimes you just don't feel like telling your mom everything because she'll probably do something super big and over-kill the situation and embarrass you. You know? Sometimes, advice or a venting period is all you need.
Thanks again!
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on Apr 26, 2017 19:13:53 GMT -5
No problem! I'm glad I could help at all! It really does make a difference though! Just letting things out so they don't clutter up your mind and weigh ya down or telling someone else helps so much! It's like someone out there can at least try to understand you and you aren't alone!
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Post by The Noble Dragon on May 4, 2017 20:31:09 GMT -5
Just a reminder that since a lot of you have finals this week and the upcoming weeks that you can come destress here! I'll be posting cute animal pictures and videos to try and help you guys relax!
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Post by The Noble Dragon on May 4, 2017 20:33:11 GMT -5
First off here's a picture of my kitten
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 20:57:29 GMT -5
Aww what a sweet kitten <3
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Post by The Noble Dragon on May 4, 2017 20:58:55 GMT -5
He just got fixed on Tuesday so he's super sleepy rn and super cuddly. Which is hilarious bc he has the cone on him and he's just accepted it at this point
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 21:03:52 GMT -5
Aww poor bb. Hopefully he feels back to normal soon. Our dogs never had any luck with fixing, when my dog Ozzy got neutered he ate/chewed up his cone the first day back somehow. And then when Jana was spayed she had a bunch of blood loss/was anemic for a bit and they had to send her home. She really has no luck with surgeries
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 4, 2017 21:13:36 GMT -5
Yes cute animal pics<33 wait i posted my pets in pretzels- they need to come over here for viewing pleasure!
your kitty is so cute though<333 i hope he recovers fast!
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 4, 2017 21:21:50 GMT -5
Here are my children for your viewing pleasure! My pets, meet Deamon's kitty. Deamon's kitty, meet my pets lol
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 21:23:34 GMT -5
SO MANY FLOOFS <<<<<33333
Those doggos look a bit like my doggo! Are they Shihtzu's?
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Post by The Noble Dragon on May 4, 2017 21:25:14 GMT -5
your pets are all doing the same pose I love it. heres my other sleepy boy His name is Mac the other one was Rascal
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 5, 2017 8:42:04 GMT -5
Star; they are! Are yours as well as? Deamon; haha Ik xD I love getting all up in their faces lol Your kitties are so cute! I love the names too! Mine are simple: first dog, birdie, second, Sammie, torti cat, patches and Orange cat, paws lol
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 8:43:53 GMT -5
Yep yep! Our dog Jana is a Shihtzu as well! (Mum loves the smooshy faced doggos)! Though it does make her sneeze when excited xD
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 5, 2017 8:47:06 GMT -5
Aww that is adorable! And aren't they so cute? Lol We got em originally cause our bro is allergic to dog fur and so we never had a dog and didn't really look into get one cause we had cats and everything but then our neighbors had a shih tzu and we had to take care of him a lot bc the neighbors were older and they were in and out of the hospital/couldn't walk him as well, so we would take care of him for them and my bro wasn't allergic and my mom fell in love with their dog so we got one ourself lol
It's so funny when they sneeze! XD
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 9:00:05 GMT -5
That's so awesome!
Our family had labs up until this dog (like yellow Labrador retrievers). My dad was upset because they don't live very long, and basically they didn't want to have to put down another dog while I was still living home. So Mum did a bit of research and found out that Lhasa Apsos and Shihtzus live pretty long (like 15-21 years long!), so she found a breeder and brought home this little peanut we have now. She's pushing 16 at this point, and I don't really live with my parents other than a few months in the summer, so I guess it all worked out, haha. We suspect she's a Lhasa/Shihtzu mix of sorts because she has traits of both. She's super stubborn though! It's kind of like having a cat vs a dog honestly
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 5, 2017 10:03:00 GMT -5
I really wanna get labs! I plan to get labs and gsd when I get older xD I love em so much haha That's smart though, that they didn't want to put a dog down while you were at home! Losing dogs, or really any pet, is so terrible D: Before we got birdie (the first one- she is turning 4 this year), we had Sammie (the black and white one- she is 10 now) and when Sammie was like 7, we got another shihtzu, but she passed away before her second birthday due to this super rare undetectable blood disease:/ We literally didn't see it coming. She was fine one day and the next, it was the morning before school, and she is wobbling around, falling over and she just looked so sick and we had no idea what was wrong. When I got home from school that day, my dad picked me up crying cause he had taken work off that day to bring her to the vets where she died in his arms D: They really are such like cats though tbh xD
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 10:15:15 GMT -5
Aww, that's so sad Sorry about the loss of your dog, that's always a difficult time. Especially when you can't find the cause. I think when I'm older I'd like to own corgis ^_^ I love their little stubbly legs and their temperaments in general really suit me. And I'd like a dog that's decently highly trainable this time (which they are), because I'd like to look into doing some agility competitions someday. Or even if not, just to have a dog I can be decently active with (jogs, hikes and whatnot)
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Post by thornshade on May 5, 2017 10:25:23 GMT -5
Hi - can I just get this off my chest? I'm just so awkward oh my goodness
So in study hall my crush and I sit next to each other a lot and sometimes we talk but other times we just sit and actually get work done but yesterday I was exhausted from taking ap tests and whatnot so I turned on youtube and was just scrolling through cute animal photos because stress and some of them were actually funny so I laugh out loud and I feel his eyes on me and I turn and he's grinning at me and not the computer screen and when I notice him he blushes and looks away... but then I go, "what's so funny?" and he just stares at me for a moment before grinning back at me and then I'm smiling because he's smiling and then all of a sudden he just goes "I've gotta go" and starts putting his stuff away and then he grins at me again and when he says "bye" I just grin at him like an idiot and don't say a word and watch him walk out the door... oops! my friends noticed us and would not let it go today it was so embarrassing
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 5, 2017 10:25:29 GMT -5
Ik, it was so sad cause we didn't expect it at all! She was a good dog while we had her though <3 Ahh! Corgis are adorable!! Agility training sounds fun! Having a dog that you can be active with is such a plus too! Like that's what I need haha We used to take our dogs hiking but it was more like they walk a step and we carry them the rest of the way xD
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 5, 2017 10:28:52 GMT -5
thornshade Wait but that is actually so adorable!!! It is definitely super awkward in the moment though and then its all that is on your mind and you are like dreading seeing them the next day because of how awk things were the day before It's especially worse when your friends won't leave you alone for it!
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Post by thornshade on May 5, 2017 10:34:39 GMT -5
Aww haha I guess it is kinda cute huh? Luckily I didn't seem him today because I had an exam so I didn't have to go to class like usual. We're just friends for now but recently he's been really sweet on me ever since we hung out at a school dance and he's just so sweet and kind but sometimes my friends tease me for crushing on him because he's not the most attractive but like that doesn't even bother me??? and i'm like "girl this is my crush not yours - I don't need your approval" and she just laughs but oh well right?
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 5, 2017 10:51:58 GMT -5
Ya haha, quite tbh lol Hey, being friends first is always a start! Even if it doesn't develop into anything, having him as a friend is always nice! Ok that is annoying. Like honestly, looks don't matter in the long run? As long as you like him, in whatever way that you do, be it as a friend or more than that, looks shouldn't matter. Personality and what is inside matters. But literally, you don't need her approval so she can just back away xD If he makes you happy, it shouldn't matter what others think!
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Post by thornshade on May 5, 2017 10:57:22 GMT -5
Thanks for the encouragement, friend! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks my friend needs to chill and as far as the more-than-friendship thing goes, I guess I just have to see where the summer takes us, yeah? We'll both be in totally different countries but I think we'll keep keep in touch online pretty well, even if there's a 12 hour time difference between where I am and he is.
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on May 5, 2017 10:58:48 GMT -5
Is he an exchange student or just going away for the summer? Hopefully you'll be able to keep in touch with him! Thank goodness for online communication!
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