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Post by Brownie on Feb 10, 2024 11:26:34 GMT -5
Also for high school advice: Being a B student or A/B where you can, but keeping control of your time and mental health is 100% better than being an overstressed straight A student.
You WILL burn out, you WILL slip if you are constantly overstressed and pushing too hard. grades are so not worth collecting depression and four anxiety disorders tbh.
I probably could have gotten straight C's and left some energy for college and it would have worked out just as good or better for me in the end.
Only you can know your situation and what you need to do to reach your goals, but don't push to be the best when average is plenty good enough (or, worse, in catagories no one but you is measuring, like popularity or getting top scores on a specific assignment). Pick those battles, and don't pick them all at once.
I can promise you that if you're accepted into college, absolutely no one will look at your high school GPA ever again. No one cares.
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Non-binary
dal
and even all the smiles on kid's faces bring you pain, when you think of what they'll face
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Post by dal on Feb 10, 2024 12:30:20 GMT -5
If you need help, REACH OUT!!! For the love of everything good reach out. From small things like you don’t understand a subject to huge things like your life is falling apart. You gotta reach out. And also, make sure you don’t become dependent on external validation to feel good about yourself!! I know that advice sounds cliché but sooo many external problems stem from relying on external validation for self worth. I’ll add more later!! (Ik I’m relatively young but )
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 10, 2024 12:48:07 GMT -5
There's a lot of pressure to have a near perfect GPA in high school to get college scholarships, but it's not worth it if it's completely burning you out. You'll still get in to some perfectly good colleges with Bs. And if money is the issue, you can graduate HS with a 3.0, go to your local community college to get an associates that doesn't require debt, and then transfer into a state university to finish a 4-year degree (they will only care about your CC transcript, not your HS).
The bonus to attending CC is that it's a lot lower stakes. It's only about 3-4k per semester and that it very doable to pay with a part-time job. If after a year or two, you realize higher education isn't for you, you're not walking away with debt. And even just a 2-year associate's degree opens employment doors.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 10, 2024 13:13:38 GMT -5
What are your aspirations that you are worried about not fulfilling, and why do you feel crunched for time? Sorry for all the questions, I just want to make sure I'm getting a good read on your situation! Right now I’m thinking about potentially becoming a lawyer. However, if I don’t get a reasonable scholarship for a law school, then I probably won’t do it. My college extracurriculars are also lacking currently and I’m in my third year so it seems a bit unrealistic at this point. Things I want to do: publish a book that makes people wanna cry, be a comedy vlogger, and overall, I have this desire to be well-known and loved. Also, the second I mentioned the idea of becoming a lawyer, my parents were too much into that idea. My dad is a successful business owner and my stepmom used to be a real estate agent that was in the top 20% of the state. We have a good relationship but she once told me I would probably never make as much money as she and my dad did and contribute to charities like they did. That really rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve lived a good life so far but more than anything, I want to be successful. I was on the pre-law tract for awhile and now work in a law firm, so this is something I actually have a bit of experience with! First of all, not going to law school unless you get a decent tuition scholarship is definitely the right move. I have been told by many attorneys that if you are not 100% set on becoming a lawyer, then you will not make it through law school. You're being very practical not to go into a lot of debt for it. Secondly, there are a lot of mid- and lower-tier law schools that are easier to get into than you think; I've talked to an attorney who almost failed undergrad and had a mid LSAT score but still managed to get in, pass, and successfully practice law. So don't worry too much about your resume being less competitive with the extracurriculars; you wouldn't be working in the big $$$ corporate firms after graduation, but trust me, you don't want to. It's also very common for aspiring lawyers to take a break after undergrad and work in the legal field for a year or two before applying to law school. I've known many paralegals at our firm who did this! It gives you a taste of what it's actually like working in the legal career field before putting a lot of money and time into getting a JD, and it can make you a more serious candidate for law school applications. Also, paralegals are paid decently (40-60k in my area) especially once you have a few years of experience, so it's not a bad career path in itself. I think your parents were being a little harsh, but I get where they are coming from. Kids that grow up in financially successful households can unintentionally form expectations regarding what they are likely to achieve as adults, and reality can be a rude awakening (speaking from experience). However, you can still be a successful person even if it's not the same level of success as your parents. A job you tolerate, with reasonable hours that allows you time to enjoy friends and hobbies, and a decent income that is not extravagant but provides financial stability, is pretty successful and what we should all aim for. Anything above that is extra. I hope you DO reach the level of your parents, but please don't think that anything short of that means you are not successful.
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Post by Brownie on Feb 10, 2024 13:25:22 GMT -5
There's a lot of pressure to have a near perfect GPA in high school to get college scholarships, but it's not worth it if it's completely burning you out. You'll still get in to some perfectly good colleges with Bs. And if money is the issue, you can graduate HS with a 3.0, go to your local community college to get an associates that doesn't require debt, and then transfer into a state university to finish a 4-year degree (they will only care about your CC transcript, not your HS). The bonus to attending CC is that it's a lot lower stakes. It's only about 3-4k per semester and that it very doable to pay with a part-time job. If after a year or two, you realize higher education isn't for you, you're not walking away with debt. And even just a 2-year associate's degree opens employment doors. This!! I did CC for my general credits and only had to go to big uni for 5 semesters!! Added bonus: I wasn't applying for college while I was still in high school, so no added pressure to do college applications before senior finals AND I had so much more experience/wisdom to write better applications that would stand out. I wrote one application while I was in high school (our councilors made us apply to at least one college for some reason) and OH MY GOD my essays were so immature!! I was so upset I didn't get accepted, but looking back, yeah I did NOT deserve to be accepted with that application essay, it was so whiny and textbook lmao
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 10, 2024 13:40:48 GMT -5
I’m a baby at age fifteen and dear elders I need some advice. How do I balance school, work, and my hobbies without getting stressed out? As many of you know, I do competitive cheerleading for around 13 hours a week (not including competitions). I also work at an ice cream shop/café 5 hours after school on Mondays and Tuesdays and work five hours in the mornings on Saturdays. And I’m busy with school work and homework too. I also want free time to write or do whatever I desire but I don’t know how to squeeze that all in. Imma be real with you chief, IDK if that's possible. If you're doing 15 hours of work and 13 hours of cheer, that's almost a full-time job in itself. On top of like... I'm gonna assume 7hrs a day at school, plus 2hrs a day in homework. You're looking at an almost 80hr week between those things and that's gonna be pretty stressful. I'm sure you can squeeze in a little hobby here or there, but if you want any real time for things outside of cheer, work, school, homework, eating, and sleeping, one of those things would have to be cut back.
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Pixie
2024 is already bad; 2025 will be my year fr
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Post by Pixie on Feb 10, 2024 13:53:07 GMT -5
Right now I’m thinking about potentially becoming a lawyer. However, if I don’t get a reasonable scholarship for a law school, then I probably won’t do it. My college extracurriculars are also lacking currently and I’m in my third year so it seems a bit unrealistic at this point. Things I want to do: publish a book that makes people wanna cry, be a comedy vlogger, and overall, I have this desire to be well-known and loved. Also, the second I mentioned the idea of becoming a lawyer, my parents were too much into that idea. My dad is a successful business owner and my stepmom used to be a real estate agent that was in the top 20% of the state. We have a good relationship but she once told me I would probably never make as much money as she and my dad did and contribute to charities like they did. That really rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve lived a good life so far but more than anything, I want to be successful. I was on the pre-law tract for awhile and now work in a law firm, so this is something I actually have a bit of experience with! First of all, not going to law school unless you get a decent tuition scholarship is definitely the right move. I have been told by many attorneys that if you are not 100% set on becoming a lawyer, then you will not make it through law school. You're being very practical not to go into a lot of debt for it. Secondly, there are a lot of mid- and lower-tier law schools that are easier to get into than you think; I've talked to an attorney who almost failed undergrad and had a mid LSAT score but still managed to get in, pass, and successfully practice law. So don't worry too much about your resume being less competitive with the extracurriculars; you wouldn't be working in the big $$$ corporate firms after graduation, but trust me, you don't want to. It's also very common for aspiring lawyers to take a break after undergrad and work in the legal field for a year or two before applying to law school. I've known many paralegals at our firm who did this! It gives you a taste of what it's actually like working in the legal career field before putting a lot of money and time into getting a JD, and it can make you a more serious candidate for law school applications. Also, paralegals are paid decently (40-60k in my area) especially once you have a few years of experience, so it's not a bad career path in itself. I think your parents were being a little harsh, but I get where they are coming from. Kids that grow up in financially successful households can unintentionally form expectations regarding what they are likely to achieve as adults, and reality can be a rude awakening (speaking from experience). However, you can still be a successful person even if it's not the same level of success as your parents. A job you tolerate, with reasonable hours that allows you time to enjoy friends and hobbies, and a decent income that is not extravagant but provides financial stability, is pretty successful and what we should all aim for. Anything above that is extra. I hope you DO reach the level of your parents, but please don't think that anything short of that means you are not successful. Thank you This made me feel better and eased some of my current anxiousness.
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Post by mintleaf2 on Feb 10, 2024 15:03:13 GMT -5
There's a lot of pressure to have a near perfect GPA in high school to get college scholarships, but it's not worth it if it's completely burning you out. You'll still get in to some perfectly good colleges with Bs. And if money is the issue, you can graduate HS with a 3.0, go to your local community college to get an associates that doesn't require debt, and then transfer into a state university to finish a 4-year degree (they will only care about your CC transcript, not your HS). The bonus to attending CC is that it's a lot lower stakes. It's only about 3-4k per semester and that it very doable to pay with a part-time job. If after a year or two, you realize higher education isn't for you, you're not walking away with debt. And even just a 2-year associate's degree opens employment doors. I really want to second this ^^^ As someone who was a competitive straight A student in high school, the realization that it wasn't the most important thing in my life was a difficult transition when I finished college. Realizing I needed a life beyond homework was difficult, but also very freeing. I'd still say do your best because merit scholarships are amazing, but don't be burning yourself out if you can avoid it. As we said in my college - C's get degrees! (don't rely on that though lol some jobs do want to know you had a decent college GPA)
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#f0a9e4
Name Colour
Captain Americat
"Don't frown, someone could be falling in love with your smile." - Teen Wolf
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Post by Captain Americat on Feb 10, 2024 16:33:25 GMT -5
I’m a baby at age fifteen and dear elders I need some advice. How do I balance school, work, and my hobbies without getting stressed out? As many of you know, I do competitive cheerleading for around 13 hours a week (not including competitions). I also work at an ice cream shop/café 5 hours after school on Mondays and Tuesdays and work five hours in the mornings on Saturdays. And I’m busy with school work and homework too. I also want free time to write or do whatever I desire but I don’t know how to squeeze that all in. Alright… from my own experience in high school, I was a straight A student, a varsity runner, and also a dancer and soccer player… oh and I was an “honorary member” of two clubs (I say honorary because I showed up and volunteered with these clubs if I was able but realistically I could never actually do because cross country & track were every day after school until ~5pm). For me, my parents said that either I did a sport or got a job. For me, it was always going to be sports. I get wanting to make money and stuff, but realistically juggling all that is a lot. And you’re still young… be a kid, ya know? Don’t be in a rush to grow up and work if you don’t have to. I know that some situations are tough and it forces people into working young and I get that. But, if you don’t have to, focus on high school and your sports. If anything… save the job just for the weekends and leave the week free. I ended up giving soccer up sophomore year of high school because it wasn’t something I could do anymore, but I did dance and cross country/track all throughout school. I would get home later and spend every night doing homework. Honestly, most nights I would be so tired that, if my studying couldn’t be done ahead on the weekends, I would do it during free period during school, on the way to school/in the morning before classes, or even lunch. I wish I had been able to study more, to be honest, but most nights I was going to bed past midnight as it was. A lot of times I would have the tv on while I was finishing up homework just so I could “relax” a tiny bit. But the majority of my school day was: wake up, school, sports, home to do homework/study/eat, sleep. There was never any time for hobbies on the weekdays. Now the weekends…. I would wake up at 6am before anyone else was up and I would just write the entire day. Unless I had more projects or reading to do or something. But weekends were generally for hobbies and getting ahead. The weekdays I already knew were a lost cause dedicated to school, so I tried to make the weekends mine. Didn’t always happen, though, especially with the college credit classes bc it was a lot more work and I would often get ahead for those classes with reading and stuff on the weekends that way the weekdays would just be the normal course load. Plus, many weekends ended up being meets for cross country & track, so there’s that, too. But, that’s just my experience. I was definitely burned out, but I also tried to balance it the best I could, and I enjoyed school and my sports and I miss high school so much. Even college it was the same routine. But… yeah. So, idk. If you didn’t read all that, advice: leave the weekdays for school and sports. Leave the weekends for hobbies (and maybe getting ahead a bit). If you need to keep your job, try to only get weekend hours. Working is hard enough when you’re older… don’t rush into it if you don’t have to and miss out on your high school experience.
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Omnisexual
ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ
I need to finish An Isolated Clan ahhhhh
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Post by ᦓρ꠸ᥴꫀᠻꪖꪀᧁ on Feb 10, 2024 16:54:55 GMT -5
I’m a baby at age fifteen and dear elders I need some advice. How do I balance school, work, and my hobbies without getting stressed out? As many of you know, I do competitive cheerleading for around 13 hours a week (not including competitions). I also work at an ice cream shop/café 5 hours after school on Mondays and Tuesdays and work five hours in the mornings on Saturdays. And I’m busy with school work and homework too. I also want free time to write or do whatever I desire but I don’t know how to squeeze that all in. snip Thank you for this. I’ve been debating on cutting off my hours working but I held out a bit because where I work is a small business and customers drop down in the winter (because, well, it’s mostly an ice cream shop) so I wanted to help out. But yeah, you’re right I can’t do it all and cheer would definitely come before work any day for me. My boss is also really nice so she shouldn’t mind.
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 11, 2024 13:22:37 GMT -5
Advice that doubles as a hot take.
Don't go to college if you live in the US unless you've got someone else funding your trip. Unless you like plan on being a doctor or a lawyer or something that will require that level of education you are setting yourself up for financial ruin and absolutely no job guarantee afterwards. I keep watching it happen time after time to most of my friends.
Go find a trade school. Seriously. Everybody laughs at job listings that already want x gears of experience but that is how you will get x years of experience fresh out and you will have a leg up on most of your peers. As well as find yourself in a place where you have more freedom to pick and choose jobs you would actually want because a lot of them are going unfilled because almost everyone wants a tech job and this is leaving other essential jobs unfilled and with no one to work them.
Also don't take unpaid or underpaid internships that offer under minimum wage. They literally aren't worth anyone's time and they don't really get counted for experience either. You will be miserable.
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#f0a9e4
Name Colour
Captain Americat
"Don't frown, someone could be falling in love with your smile." - Teen Wolf
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Post by Captain Americat on Feb 11, 2024 17:06:10 GMT -5
To add onto that ^^’ if you are really set on going to college, take a gap year to figure out what it is you really want or know what you want before going in. I think the general expectation is for people to just go to college straight from high school cuz that just seems like the next step, but if you aren’t ready for it or you don’t know what you want (or don’t figure it out by the time college is over), you might be spending money and owing money for something near useless :/ I think college is great if you know what you want and all that. But, if not… you just wasting time and money. Don’t do it because it’s what everyone says you’re supposed to do. Take the time you need to understand yourself and your needs better and listen to yourself, then decide if you want to go to college, trade school, right into work, the military, etc.
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 11, 2024 17:30:35 GMT -5
To add onto that ^^’ if you are really set on going to college, take a gap year to figure out what it is you really want or know what you want before going in. I think the general expectation is for people to just go to college straight from high school cuz that just seems like the next step, but if you aren’t ready for it or you don’t know what you want (or don’t figure it out by the time college is over), you might be spending money and owing money for something near useless :/ I think college is great if you know what you want and all that. But, if not… you just wasting time and money. Don’t do it because it’s what everyone says you’re supposed to do. Take the time you need to understand yourself and your needs better and listen to yourself, then decide if you want to go to college, trade school, right into work, the military, etc. I've also seen plenty of people be concerned about gap year(s) because they think they'll forget stuff but there's always online courses or other ways you can brush up on the things you think you will actually want to know. Coursera is one of them that's free. The "certificates" might not really be worth much though aside from padding out your resume but yeah.
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 12, 2024 0:40:55 GMT -5
Advice for period-havers but if you use pads and have a hard time rolling them and having them stay rolled instead of unrolling the gore all over your trash can--
Save up your empty toilet paper rolls and stick them in there. They won't unroll and you wont have the misfortune of seeing or accidentally touching them when you clean out the bathroom trash can anymore.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 12, 2024 11:27:06 GMT -5
That does seem high, but I think it depends on stuff like how many miles you typically drive daily, age, driving history, the kind of car you drive, etc. And of course what kind of coverage you have. So I'm not really sure how fair the rate is.
A lot of insurance companies have options on their site where you can get a quote to see how much insurance with them would cost - you could try that?
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Pixie
2024 is already bad; 2025 will be my year fr
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Post by Pixie on Feb 12, 2024 12:14:55 GMT -5
That does seem high, but I think it depends on stuff like how many miles you typically drive daily, age, driving history, the kind of car you drive, etc. And of course what kind of coverage you have. So I'm not really sure how fair the rate is. A lot of insurance companies have options on their site where you can get a quote to see how much insurance with them would cost - you could try that? Ok thx!
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 13, 2024 17:34:49 GMT -5
Don’t get a new car. Don’t do it, unless you are loaded and can pay for it in cash upfront. New cars immediately depreciate in value the moment you drive it off the lot, meaning you’re stuck making payments (+interest) on a car that is now valued 10k less than what you are paying for. And if you ever want to get rid of it for some reason, you won’t be able to sell it for how much you still owe.
And for another matter: if you can help it at all, don’t finance a car!! Save up and buy it in cash. Car payments are a huge scourge upon your monthly expenses, you’re always one bad month away from getting it repossessed, and you have to buy comprehensive insurance (which is way more expensive) for it until you own it completely.
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 13, 2024 18:33:06 GMT -5
Don’t get a new car. Don’t do it, unless you are loaded and can pay for it in cash upfront. New cars immediately depreciate in value the moment you drive it off the lot, meaning you’re stuck making payments (+interest) on a car that is now valued 10k less than what you are paying for. And if you ever want to get rid of it for some reason, you won’t be able to sell it for how much you still owe. And for another matter: if you can help it at all, don’t finance a car!! Save up and buy it in cash. Car payments are a huge scourge upon your monthly expenses, you’re always one bad month away from getting it repossessed, and you have to buy comprehensive insurance (which is way more expensive) for it until you own it completely. This is completely off topic but you reminded me that I have good news to share because dakota's grandpa is buying us a new car outright and i think it'll be the first time ever being in a car (on a frequent basis, that is) that's less than a decade or two old and we don't have to worry about the car breaking down anymore and i nearly started crying
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 13, 2024 20:37:31 GMT -5
Don’t get a new car. Don’t do it, unless you are loaded and can pay for it in cash upfront. New cars immediately depreciate in value the moment you drive it off the lot, meaning you’re stuck making payments (+interest) on a car that is now valued 10k less than what you are paying for. And if you ever want to get rid of it for some reason, you won’t be able to sell it for how much you still owe. And for another matter: if you can help it at all, don’t finance a car!! Save up and buy it in cash. Car payments are a huge scourge upon your monthly expenses, you’re always one bad month away from getting it repossessed, and you have to buy comprehensive insurance (which is way more expensive) for it until you own it completely. This is completely off topic but you reminded me that I have good news to share because dakota's grandpa is buying us a new car outright and i think it'll be the first time ever being in a car (on a frequent basis, that is) that's less than a decade or two old and we don't have to worry about the car breaking down anymore and i nearly started crying that is WONDERFUL!!! and such a stress of y'all's back I'm sure <3
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Post by Lizard 🦎 on Feb 27, 2024 4:03:12 GMT -5
this is a really comforting thread for some reason i don't really have anything to ask but thank you all for being here to give advice
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 27, 2024 5:10:46 GMT -5
pulls the old coots advice alarm. Folks how do i make irl friends as an adult damn if someone finds this one out can they please tell me
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Post by Sand on Feb 27, 2024 9:31:54 GMT -5
pulls the old coots advice alarm. Folks how do i make irl friends as an adult damn if someone finds this one out can they please tell me me three, please tell me how to make friends irl and be able to keep them too.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 27, 2024 10:40:23 GMT -5
pulls the old coots advice alarm. Folks how do i make irl friends as an adult Honestly, the secret is to just be a regular at a haunt of your choosing. Just any place where you frequently hang out. This can be a hobby group, a religious org, the local Pho place, anything that calls to you. At first, it's gonna be hard. You aren't going to know anybody there, you're gonna feel awkward, if you're me then you'll probably have a non-insignificant amount of anxiety at going to an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people. There is no other way except to push through it. After awhile, you'll start to recognize the same people, start to remember things about their lives and interests and the conversation comes easier each time. At that point, you treat it like dating. Regular haunts are a good way to meet people, but not a way to actually build a genuine friendship. Don't be afraid to say, "Hey, you seem pretty cool! I want to get together a group to go do [x] sometime, would you be interested?" It's really scary when you're not used to doing that but you will get good at it. But a lot of people are lonely and jump at the olive branch you're offering. The best thing is finding an extrovert who will adopt you, and extroverts love people who are socially forward like that. Going with someone you know can make it less intimidating, too. It helps my anxiety to pre-prepare topics for small talk, so that any time I feel like the conversation is floundering, I have something in my back pocket that I can switch to. If starting conversations is really nerve-wracking for you, start small!! Get in the habit of talking to a person randomly - the dude behind you at the coffee shop line, the cashier at the store, the person next to you in the waiting room. It doesn't need to be a full-fledged conversation, just exchanging a sentence or two is great social practice (and will make strangers a little less scary). When meeting new people, I also do best in environments where there is a structured activity. That gives us something to do besides talk and you kinda naturally figure people out while doing the activity together. (It also gives me something to fall back on conversationally). Joining a book club or DND group are great examples. I've known people who've met good friends through things like beginner rock climber groups or casual volleyball meetups. Charitable organizations can work too. If there are not any haunts that appeal to you, you can try friendship making apps. I've had friends who have success with those. I think Bumble has a version? Those can be great if there's an event you want to go to (like a convention, Renaissance fair, movie, etc) and want to go with someone.
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Post by Brownie on Feb 27, 2024 13:03:38 GMT -5
Seconding all of this ^^
esp about just being a regular somewhere. Even if you don't talk to people, other regulars will recognize you as being around and then you can maybe find it easier to talk to someone.
If you're not opposed to trying a new thing, having a friend take you to their hobby meetup of choice and simply introducing you is a great place to start. Say yes to things outside your comfort zone; you can always leave if you're too uncomfortable. No one will judge you for this so long as you give the thing an honest go. If they do judge you or belittle you, they aren't worth having as a friend anyways.
Find someone who is bored/available on the day you are also bored, or at least holds similar hours of work-free time this will make it easier to plan things. You have to keep up with people more than you think. Busy adults need reminders to be social. Some people won't reciprocate and that's okay, keep trying until you find people that will put in the effort too.
You won't make besties quickly, not like in grade school. Friendship takes time and effort, and adults simply don't have the free time to devote 40hrs a week to hanging out like kids can. Taking leaps of faith can be greatly rewarding in the middle stages of friendship: ask for help, be someone a person can trust and turn to.
If you're in college, honestly just talk to EVERYONE. Seriously. At the end of the semester, any people that don't click will not remember you at all, but anyone who does and keeps talking to you after the semester ends is probably going to stick around if you keep putting in the effort to hang out. Find people's aesthetic that you like and sit beside them. Talk to them before class, or walking between classes. I made friends simply by learning we were walking the same direction after class and talking instead of walking alone.
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Post by Leapkit on Feb 27, 2024 14:41:50 GMT -5
New hurdle: Being anywhere costs money.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Feb 27, 2024 16:16:21 GMT -5
New hurdle: Being anywhere costs money. What do you mean? Most hobbyist groups I've seen are free, like library book clubs.
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