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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Sept 26, 2022 10:42:24 GMT -5
damn it'd be really nice if it weren't so hard to find unripped, straight leg, not-spandex-suctioned-to-my-body, 100% cotton jeans that weren't over $100.
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Post by Eelusion on Sept 26, 2022 11:33:45 GMT -5
I only have one pair of shoes and I can only find one, I usually keep them in the same place, but the other one vanished and I can't find it anywhere, I'm fricked.
Edit: I found it, someone had hid it in a box under the bed.
Now I'm annoyed about something else.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Sept 26, 2022 12:04:32 GMT -5
damn it'd be really nice if it weren't so hard to find unripped, straight leg, not-spandex-suctioned-to-my-body, 100% cotton jeans that weren't over $100. Walmart mens section. |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Sept 26, 2022 12:17:45 GMT -5
damn it'd be really nice if it weren't so hard to find unripped, straight leg, not-spandex-suctioned-to-my-body, 100% cotton jeans that weren't over $100. Walmart mens section. they don't sell the men's jeans in my size  |
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Sept 26, 2022 15:59:31 GMT -5
they don't sell the men's jeans in my size :( That's so disappointing. I've had similar problems lately with shirts. All the smalls and mediums seem to be gone for l xl xxl sizes. Which is like fine for loungewear but i dont want to wear a bag all day when I go out you know? |
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Post by rabbit on Sept 26, 2022 18:45:31 GMT -5
they don't sell the men's jeans in my size if you’re small enough you could try buying boy’s or girl’s clothes. I do this, they are much cheaper. It’s one advantage to being child sized lol. |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Sept 27, 2022 10:51:41 GMT -5
Leapkit yeah I have that problem too. I'm like a 0-2ish in pants and I'm lucky if I can find a 6 or 8 on the shelf at most department stores. I could probably find them more easily if I went to "hip" fast fashion stores like F21 or something but they never have normal non-trendy clothes (plus their clothes fall apart in just a few months). rabbit I do sometimes buy clothes from the junior section, it can be hit-or-miss though. I'm kinda tall and leggy so most long pants there are too short, but occasionally I find t-shirts or shorts that I can make work.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Sept 30, 2022 13:20:17 GMT -5
I know I still haven't totally processed the death of my grandma or 2 of my friends killing themselves over the last year or so. The second just last week but I only fond out today.
I just don't know how I can.
How is any of this just something I'm supposed to "get over".
How am I expected to even keep having meaningful relationships when everyone I love is going to keep dying. (Or just deciding I'm a piece of shit and leaving on a bad note so they might as well be dead to me.) I don't want this anymore.
This is about the 7th friend suicide I've lived past. And 9th early death total. (Not including other deaths of other people I was close to who were all older rather than my peers.)
I don't want to live past any more of my friends anymore. I've gone to more funerals than weddings and I'm sick of it.
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Post by Aqua on Sept 30, 2022 15:02:29 GMT -5
I know I still haven't totally processed the death of my grandma or 2 of my friends killing themselves over the last year or so. The second just last week but I only fond out today. I just don't know how I can. How is any of this just something I'm supposed to "get over". How am I expected to even keep having meaningful relationships when everyone I love is going to keep dying. (Or just deciding I'm a piece of shit and leaving on a bad note so they might as well be dead to me.) I don't want this anymore. This is about the 7th friend suicide I've lived past. And 9th early death total. (Not including other deaths of other people I was close to who were all older rather than my peers.) I don't want to live past any more of my friends anymore. I've gone to more funerals than weddings and I'm sick of it. I am so sorry you have to go through this. You will be OK. Try to stay strong in the meantime.  |
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Sept 30, 2022 15:17:45 GMT -5
it doesnt matter anymore.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Oct 1, 2022 14:30:19 GMT -5
im such an idiot for thinking i could enjoy doing anything without being abused and having every ounce of joy robbed from me again.
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Post by 𝘨𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘶𝘯 on Oct 2, 2022 9:55:03 GMT -5
one of my cats has chewed on my laptop and completely cracked the screen and i know it's just a thing but i'm so upset and so angry. can't even yell at them so i'm stuck seething in a corner and screaming into the online void |
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Post by 🆉🅴🅻🅳🆁🅸🆂 on Oct 2, 2022 12:31:24 GMT -5
Why tf are situationships so difficult
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Aroace
#b6efff
Name Colour
Dɾҽαɱƈʅσυԃ
Villain Enjoyer
Arcane Season 2 has got me in a chokehold once again (do not send help)
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Post by Dɾҽαɱƈʅσυԃ on Oct 2, 2022 17:06:21 GMT -5
Why does writer's block exist?
smh...
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Oct 3, 2022 2:21:00 GMT -5
on my third naproxen of the night trying to get my impacted wisdom tooth to stop hurting so bad.
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Omnisexual
🅃🄴🄼🄿🄾
Being a theater kid
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Post by 🅃🄴🄼🄿🄾 on Oct 3, 2022 19:18:54 GMT -5
Anybody else hate when you go to a new school and can't make friends? And then you feel like your old friends and your best friend all hate you and you have no idea why you feel that way. I just can't seem to pretend to fit in with the girls at my school, all they do is talk about boys, fashion, and inappropriate things. I vented to my mom and she tried to reassure me that I'll start to fit in soon. The hard thing about venting about these things to my mom is that she has no idea that I'm not her little girl anymore, I'm her child that doesn't want to be a girl and if I tell her she'll get upset and be like, "you're just confused!" She tells stories, when the topic is brought up, about how some kids come into her job and, for example, are genetically a male but identify female and says that she respects that. If you respected it, why would you call her a he when you know how she would feel if she was here?! And then after saying she respects it she says "but you guys shouldn't be doing all that stuff, since we're a good Christian family!" Having LGBTQphobic parents is honestly one of the worst things when you're a part of the community.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Oct 4, 2022 13:11:49 GMT -5
Conversation at the dentist.
"How are you not hopping in pain right now?"
"Oh, I was earlier why?"
"Your tooth is more than half gone, and here is your root."
"Ah. That would do it."
I'm just. 💀 Why did my tooth have to break at all. I hate this thanks.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Oct 4, 2022 13:46:27 GMT -5
Conversation at the dentist. "How are you not hopping in pain right now?" "Oh, I was earlier why?" "Your tooth is more than half gone, and here is your root." "Ah. That would do it." I'm just. 💀 Why did my tooth have to break at all. I hate this thanks. going through similar, although less extreme. seems my back adult molars are defective because two of them have had random chunks break off in the last year. i straight up couldn't chew with my back teeth for a few months until i could get them fixed (still waiting on one...). |
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Oct 4, 2022 14:00:15 GMT -5
Conversation at the dentist. "How are you not hopping in pain right now?" "Oh, I was earlier why?" "Your tooth is more than half gone, and here is your root." "Ah. That would do it." I'm just. 💀 Why did my tooth have to break at all. I hate this thanks. going through similar, although less extreme. seems my back adult molars are defective because two of them have had random chunks break off in the last year. i straight up couldn't chew with my back teeth for a few months until i could get them fixed (still waiting on one...). I had a back tooth get pulled a while ago so the impacted wisdom tooth could grow in but it changed my bite to be on two tooths in front of it AND im a notoriously bad teeth grinder & jaw clencher so it just kinda kept chipping away little by little. |
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Oct 4, 2022 17:13:14 GMT -5
ughhhh i'm falling behind in all my college classes and i'm scared i'm gonna reach the point of dropping out the only reason i was even able to graduate high school is because the teachers and counselors let me turn in assignments extremely late without penalty idk what i'm gonna do now because college professors don't allow you to do that. my disability accommodations only allow for me to turn things in one day late without penalty. i'm scared for my future. idk what to doooo i've also only been eating one meal a day because i'm mad at myself.
i want to learn but i don't wanna do assignments. i just wanna be able to attend lectures and maybe have projects or tests. but i hate writing essays and i hate doing discussion board posts. i hate having to read a book. i just wanna learn.
and of course the first thing my brain jumps to when this happens is suicide. i start to feel like, how am i even going to function in a workplace if i can't even pull myself together in school? how am i supposed to get things done if i can barely even interact with people without panicking? what the hell am i supposed to do???
i'm starting to get overwhelmed again. what if i burn out again? what if i get sick like i did in 8th grade because i wasn't taking care of myself? that was the worst experience of my life. i remember having a bad fever, being incontinent, and vomiting so much that there was nothing left, and then having to sleep in all of that because nobody was home to help me replace my bedsheets. that event made me feel like i'm literal scum, just wallowing in my own waste. would not recommend. it still kinda haunts me. but i feel like at this point nobody would want to help me if something like that happened again. i don't blame them either, it's just painful.
it's painful to feel unloved. painful to be overwhelmed. and it's painful to have my brain jump straight to ending my life every time something goes wrong.
if someone is able to help me, please do. i'm desperate for support right now.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Oct 4, 2022 19:18:41 GMT -5
ughhhh i'm falling behind in all my college classes and i'm scared i'm gonna reach the point of dropping out the only reason i was even able to graduate high school is because the teachers and counselors let me turn in assignments extremely late without penalty idk what i'm gonna do now because college professors don't allow you to do that. my disability accommodations only allow for me to turn things in one day late without penalty. i'm scared for my future. idk what to doooo i've also only been eating one meal a day because i'm mad at myself. i want to learn but i don't wanna do assignments. i just wanna be able to attend lectures and maybe have projects or tests. but i hate writing essays and i hate doing discussion board posts. i hate having to read a book. i just wanna learn. and of course the first thing my brain jumps to when this happens is suicide. i start to feel like, how am i even going to function in a workplace if i can't even pull myself together in school? how am i supposed to get things done if i can barely even interact with people without panicking? what the hell am i supposed to do??? i'm starting to get overwhelmed again. what if i burn out again? what if i get sick like i did in 8th grade because i wasn't taking care of myself? that was the worst experience of my life. i remember having a bad fever, being incontinent, and vomiting so much that there was nothing left, and then having to sleep in all of that because nobody was home to help me replace my bedsheets. that event made me feel like i'm literal scum, just wallowing in my own waste. would not recommend. it still kinda haunts me. but i feel like at this point nobody would want to help me if something like that happened again. i don't blame them either, it's just painful. it's painful to feel unloved. painful to be overwhelmed. and it's painful to have my brain jump straight to ending my life every time something goes wrong. if someone is able to help me, please do. i'm desperate for support right now.
hey so I can't speak to everything you're struggling with, but I can promise from personal experience that you are far from an oddity for finding some of this stuff challenging. First thing is that you need to go talk to your professors. In my experience, college professors are much more willing to work with you than grade teachers. You're not even halfway through the semester; there's still plenty of time. Be clear and explicit with what is hampering you and why you're struggling to do xyz. They can probably give you some advice or insight to help, and may even give you an alternate assignment. Making them aware that you're struggling with your assignments also helps them evaluate your progress differently than if they didn't know. If you'd like, I can try and help with your homework? Like if you're struggling to think up topics or argument structures for essays. Or if it's a concentration issue, I can give suggestions to help cope. Personally, I struggled a LOT with social anxiety in high school and that carried into college on-and-off. I didn't make friends until halfway through freshman year. Sophomore spring and senior fall were very bad periods for my anxiety. I often had the same worries as you, like "How the heck am I supposed to get a real job when I can't even call people without panicking?" Now I'm in a job where I call strangers multiple times a day, and I'm okay! I even enjoy my job! I still get a bit anxious about it here or there, it doesn't just go away, but it's more manageable than it was a few years ago because I developed coping skills over time. Give yourself grace; it will get easier, you will learn how to cope, and you will "function". It's not going to happen overnight because it's a slow learning process, and that's alright. Your future life is not doomed by the health struggles you have in the present. I think talking about your past mental health horrors right now is not what you need, or you can get sucked into a cycle of memories from a time you felt helpless. You are not helpless right now. There are events reasonably within control right now that we can work to solve. |
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Oct 4, 2022 19:30:24 GMT -5
ughhhh i'm falling behind in all my college classes and i'm scared i'm gonna reach the point of dropping out the only reason i was even able to graduate high school is because the teachers and counselors let me turn in assignments extremely late without penalty idk what i'm gonna do now because college professors don't allow you to do that. my disability accommodations only allow for me to turn things in one day late without penalty. i'm scared for my future. idk what to doooo i've also only been eating one meal a day because i'm mad at myself. i want to learn but i don't wanna do assignments. i just wanna be able to attend lectures and maybe have projects or tests. but i hate writing essays and i hate doing discussion board posts. i hate having to read a book. i just wanna learn. and of course the first thing my brain jumps to when this happens is suicide. i start to feel like, how am i even going to function in a workplace if i can't even pull myself together in school? how am i supposed to get things done if i can barely even interact with people without panicking? what the hell am i supposed to do??? i'm starting to get overwhelmed again. what if i burn out again? what if i get sick like i did in 8th grade because i wasn't taking care of myself? that was the worst experience of my life. i remember having a bad fever, being incontinent, and vomiting so much that there was nothing left, and then having to sleep in all of that because nobody was home to help me replace my bedsheets. that event made me feel like i'm literal scum, just wallowing in my own waste. would not recommend. it still kinda haunts me. but i feel like at this point nobody would want to help me if something like that happened again. i don't blame them either, it's just painful. it's painful to feel unloved. painful to be overwhelmed. and it's painful to have my brain jump straight to ending my life every time something goes wrong. if someone is able to help me, please do. i'm desperate for support right now.
hey so I can't speak to everything you're struggling with, but I can promise from personal experience that you are far from an oddity for finding some of this stuff challenging. First thing is that you need to go talk to your professors. In my experience, college professors are much more willing to work with you than grade teachers. You're not even halfway through the semester; there's still plenty of time. Be clear and explicit with what is hampering you and why you're struggling to do xyz. They can probably give you some advice or insight to help, and may even give you an alternate assignment. Making them aware that you're struggling with your assignments also helps them evaluate your progress differently than if they didn't know. If you'd like, I can try and help with your homework? Like if you're struggling to think up topics or argument structures for essays. Or if it's a concentration issue, I can give suggestions to help cope. Personally, I struggled a LOT with social anxiety in high school and that carried into college on-and-off. I didn't make friends until halfway through freshman year. Sophomore spring and senior fall were very bad periods for my anxiety. I often had the same worries as you, like "How the heck am I supposed to get a real job when I can't even call people without panicking?" Now I'm in a job where I call strangers multiple times a day, and I'm okay! I even enjoy my job! I still get a bit anxious about it here or there, it doesn't just go away, but it's more manageable than it was a few years ago because I developed coping skills over time. Give yourself grace; it will get easier, you will learn how to cope, and you will "function". It's not going to happen overnight because it's a slow learning process, and that's alright. Your future life is not doomed by the health struggles you have in the present. I think talking about your past mental health horrors right now is not what you need, or you can get sucked into a cycle of memories from a time you felt helpless. You are not helpless right now. There are events reasonably within control right now that we can work to solve. thanks for the help, i needed that. what would you say is the best way to reach out to a professor? like office hours or after class or just send them an email?
and yeah, it's hard to not get sucked back into my previous life. i'm trying to move past it, i really am. but it's really difficult to not let it influence my thinking and worrying. is there anything you'd recommend of how to get through those thoughts?
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Oct 4, 2022 21:21:07 GMT -5
thanks for the help, i needed that. what would you say is the best way to reach out to a professor? like office hours or after class or just send them an email? and yeah, it's hard to not get sucked back into my previous life. i'm trying to move past it, i really am. but it's really difficult to not let it influence my thinking and worrying. is there anything you'd recommend of how to get through those thoughts?
Talking in-person is best, I think it's easier to communicate a topic as potentially nuanced as your academic struggles. That's also why they have office hours! But you can let them know ahead of time (through email or after a class) and set up a specific time to meet. Just be honest and be clear you want to actually learn the material, not just pass. Oh I understand about past trauma creeping back up, I hope I didn't sound dismissive! I only meant that me focusing on that with you when you're already upset might've hurt more than helped. I have not experienced your level of trauma, so I'm not sure if my advice would be helpful. :[ Do you see a therapist at all? A lot of colleges offer free counseling for their students. |
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Oct 4, 2022 21:23:11 GMT -5
Small positive update for once, but the strong painkiller and the amoxicillin are working very good and I took a nap and I am no longer in pain unless i chew on that side. (Which i did do accidentally just a little, but it was scrambled eggs so at least it didn't get stuck in there and was soft to chew.)
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Oct 4, 2022 21:43:14 GMT -5
thanks for the help, i needed that. what would you say is the best way to reach out to a professor? like office hours or after class or just send them an email? and yeah, it's hard to not get sucked back into my previous life. i'm trying to move past it, i really am. but it's really difficult to not let it influence my thinking and worrying. is there anything you'd recommend of how to get through those thoughts?
Talking in-person is best, I think it's easier to communicate a topic as potentially nuanced as your academic struggles. That's also why they have office hours! But you can let them know ahead of time (through email or after a class) and set up a specific time to meet. Just be honest and be clear you want to actually learn the material, not just pass. Oh I understand about past trauma creeping back up, I hope I didn't sound dismissive! I only meant that me focusing on that with you when you're already upset might've hurt more than helped. I have not experienced your level of trauma, so I'm not sure if my advice would be helpful. :[ Do you see a therapist at all? A lot of colleges offer free counseling for their students. i'll keep that in mind, thanks!
oh you didn't sound dismissive, i think i understand what you meant now. i think moving on just is a sore spot for me just because i've had my experiences invalidated before and i kinda jump into defense mode. sorry about that lol
i was seeing a therapist for a while, but had diminishing returns. the last time i went was to do my psych eval a year ago, and that's how i found out i had ptsd in the first place. i've been considering going back but i'll need to figure out how to schedule my appointments first. ever since i turned 18 my dad has been having me schedule my own appointments and manage my own medication, which is stressful but at least nobody's procrastinating to get me help except for me. (i should probably stop procrastinating on getting help)
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Non-binary
#F4B548
Name Colour
Dark Sun
Sage of the Stars
I'm devious, I'm devilish, I'm ever so deliciously evil
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Post by Dark Sun on Oct 5, 2022 8:48:15 GMT -5
It's nice being morally superior than the majority of the human population.
Such a quote should be easily interpreted as a person with their chin held high, their demeanor oozing with pride and ego, but sadly that isn't the case. I don't claim to be perfect, but hearing all the horror stories out there, it's reassuring that I never was, never would be, and never could be "one of them". So many people, well over 90% of the population, are just degenerates wallowing in sewage. People who engage in SA, cheats, murderers, bullies, tyrants, cultist fanatics, members of the alt-right, thieves, people into sex, the list goes on. (I will never be not happy about being on the ace/aro spectrum.) I'm not special, I'm not above the standard - or what should be the standard. I'm just me trying to be a decent person, doing their best to make the world a better place a little bit at a time. It is a sad state of affairs when such simple acts of human decency, of character, do not exist within most human souls. This should be the default experience, people!
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Oct 5, 2022 9:21:26 GMT -5
It's nice being morally superior than the majority of the human population. Such a quote should be easily interpreted as a person with their chin held high, their demeanor oozing with pride and ego, but sadly that isn't the case. I don't claim to be perfect, but hearing all the horror stories out there, it's reassuring that I never was, never would be, and never could be "one of them". So many people, well over 90% of the population, are just degenerates wallowing in sewage. People who engage in SA, cheats, murderers, bullies, tyrants, cultist fanatics, members of the alt-right, thieves, people into sex, the list goes on. (I will never be not happy about being on the ace/aro spectrum.) I'm not special, I'm not above the standard - or what should be the standard. I'm just me trying to be a decent person, doing their best to make the world a better place a little bit at a time. It is a sad state of affairs when such simple acts of human decency, of character, do not exist within most human souls. This should be the default experience, people! i think any time you assume yourself to be morally superior to 90% of the population is a both a dangerous game of arrogance and a dangerous way to view others. also "people into sex"? what? |
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Oct 5, 2022 9:30:58 GMT -5
i'll keep that in mind, thanks!
oh you didn't sound dismissive, i think i understand what you meant now. i think moving on just is a sore spot for me just because i've had my experiences invalidated before and i kinda jump into defense mode. sorry about that lol i was seeing a therapist for a while, but had diminishing returns. the last time i went was to do my psych eval a year ago, and that's how i found out i had ptsd in the first place. i've been considering going back but i'll need to figure out how to schedule my appointments first. ever since i turned 18 my dad has been having me schedule my own appointments and manage my own medication, which is stressful but at least nobody's procrastinating to get me help except for me. (i should probably stop procrastinating on getting help)
I totally get that. I thought for several years that I should make an appointment to see the therapist on campus, but never actually made myself do it until my junior year. Then I procrastinated re-scheduling after Christmas break and covid hit and yeah I never actually ended up going back even though it was helpful. Therapy is good but it can be draining. It'd be good to at least try. Different therapists can have varying approaches, some more helpful than others depending on your personality and issues. Mine was really helpful in helping me understand how my personality qualities (namely perfectionism and holding myself to way too high a standard) was effecting my anxiety disorder, and how controlling those aspects of me could more easily mitigate that anxious response than trying to control the anxiety itself. So it's worth trying out the campus counselor a least a few times, just to see if y'all click well. Campus professors are also usually pretty good at helping students with academic stress since they see it so often. |
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Oct 5, 2022 9:32:42 GMT -5
dal on the topic I know you've mentioned ptsd and you tend to dump so someone who specializes in emdr and talk therapy seems like it might be the most beneficial for you? If you want to know what exactly to look for.
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Oct 5, 2022 10:00:58 GMT -5
dal on the topic I know you've mentioned ptsd and you tend to dump so someone who specializes in emdr and talk therapy seems like it might be the most beneficial for you? If you want to know what exactly to look for. Ive done emdr with my grandmother before (she's an emdr therapist) but it's difficult to tell her everything because like, she's my grandma I've thought about doing emdr tho, it was somewhat helpful but I feel like I need some combo of both emdr and talk therapy |
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