Cool, Cool, Cool: Title Of Your Roleplay (A Brooklyn 99 Rp)

Lifting his head up once he heard Tortie talk to him again, Norman hurried to catch up, rolling his eyes at Tortie. “Look. It’s not that it was your almost naked body-I mean, that was definitely part of it, since you’re my coworker and it’s really awkward to arrest your coworker for cherry thievery and public indecency,” he started, not stopping the conversation even as he got in the car, Ives taking the driver’s seat. “But also, girl bodies are just sort of gross,” Norman continued, shrugging casually.

It was the truth.

“They’re all gross and squishy and icky and you all kind of smell a little weird and like, your legs are always so shiny and smooth looking, like some sort of really gross snake, seriously why are they so smooth-“

Ives intervened here. “Hypocritical accusations from the guy that shaves his legs-“

“That’s different, you know the hair irritates my skin, I do it for health reasons, not because society demands it,“ Norman objected, huffing slightly, face growing slightly pink from embarrassment as he sunk into the chair.

He stayed quiet for a couple moments before he continued, shooting a look over at Tortie. “Point is, I would’ve been scarred for life anyways, it’s just worse with you because we work together,” Norman explained, feeling like he really did have to explain himself here.

Ives grabbed the aux cord and passed it to Norman. “You get to pick the music,” he told him, waiting for everyone to get buckled before starting up the car and beginning to drive.

Norman took the cord quickly and plugged his phone into it, picking some random 80s playlist and settling down for the drive ahead of them. It wouldn’t be long, at most it would take them about fifteen minutes to get to his apartment.

Norman brought his hands up to his face, pulling at the bags under his eyes as he tried to sink even further into the front seat. This, this is what his own personal hell would be.

Sitting in a car ride with Tortie as she went on about the attractiveness of girls and laughed at his legs.

That settles it, he had died.

He had finally worked himself to death and this was his punishment.

An eternal car ride with Tortie.

Norman didn’t particularly mind her as a person, she was fun to listen to when she was talking to someone else in the precinct, but he hadn’t ever really spent that much one on one time with her, and now he was remembering why.



When she laughed though, that was the last straw, - not that Norman had many straws to begin with, he was easy to annoy that way - Norman twisted around in the seat to glare at Tortie. ”Yes, I do, because if I don’t, my legs get all prickly and it starts up a really annoying rash, kind of like you, it’s annoying and irritating and it doesn’t go away, so I make sure I don’t have to deal with it,” he leaned over his seat a little more to glare at Tortie. ”If you have a problem with it, then you can take your problems and shove them up your-“

“I once shaved my legs on a dare,” Ives said casually, inserting himself back into the conversation. “It didn’t go well and I was covered in cuts for days, I haven’t tried to do that since,” he explained, shrugging slightly. “If you ask me, anyone that shaves their legs deserves my respect because it is hard and painful and I’d rather just have hairy legs.”

Not about to let either of them continue, Ives casually turned the music up.

Then, figuring he needed an excuse, Ives smiled over at the other two. “I just really like this song,” he explained simply.

The rest of the drive wasn’t too bad, if anything Norman was content to listen to music until they arrived at his apartment.

Which luckily, didn’t take long.

Norman wouldn’t claim he lived in the fanciest area, especially compared to his place back in Newport, however for Brooklyn, it was pretty nice. The building had a couple concierges that were all plenty nice to talk to, and though it was a little pricy, it was worth the money to live somewhere with a little extra space.

Walking inside, Norman gave a quick nod to the pink haired concierge at the front desk. “Afternoon Leigh,” he greeted and the girl smiled happily at him.

“Hi Norman! You’re home earlier than usual,” Leigh commented, watching him curiously, eyes glancing back towards Ives and Tortie as well. “Hi Ives!” She greeted and Ives paused.

“Er, hi there...” He trailed off and Norman leaned over to him.

“Leigh,” he whispered to his friend, who sent him a thankful nod and continued his sentence. “Leigh, right, hi Leigh,” he greeted.

Norman made his way to the elevator. “Got off work early,” he explained to Leigh, waiting for the elevator to open. “Oh also, this is Tortie,” he added, gesturing back to Tortie, though he gave no other explanation on who she was.

Once the elevator opened, he walked inside and pressed the button for the seventh floor; the second highest floor up.

Ives shuffled in after him and once the elevator closed, he leaned over to Norman. “So who was she again and why does she know my name?” He asked and Norman let out a small sigh.

“That was Leigh, she’s a concierge here, it’s her job to know everyone,” he explained easily, remaining quiet for the rest of the elevator ride.

Once the elevator opened again, Norman walked out and made his way down the hallway, stopping outside a door that had the letter and number “W4” across it in silver lettering.

Norman still wasn’t entirely sure why this place used letters and numbers for the rooms however he wasn’t going to complain, this made it way easier to remember.

Unlocking the door, Norman let Ives in first and then closed the door before Tortie could enter, sending her a look. “You’re basically the first person from work that I’ve ever had over here, tell anyone else where I live and I’ll move immediately and never let you come back,” he warned her, fixing Tortie with a steady glare before he finally opened the door again and gestured for Tortie to enter.

Norman squinted at Tortie for a moment, silently contemplating whether or not her answer was good enough for him. In the end though, he decided that it was and allowed her to enter his apartment.

Norman’s apartment was a fairly nice once, with one bedroom, a bathroom, and a decently sized living area. The walls were a creamy white and the floors were a light grayish brown in the main living area and a darker light brown in the bedroom. The first thing one noticed when walking inside was the long hallway with a couple different paintings hung on the walls and a small closet directly off to the left.

Once further entering the apartment, the hallway led to the main area. There was the door to the bathroom on the left and the door to his bedroom tucked away at the back. He had a couple of shelves lined against the walls with books, movies, games, and other such things covering the shelves from top to bottom. His dining table sat in the middle of the room, a could feet away from the kitchen. It was relatively small, square, and black, fitting up to four chairs at a time. On the table there was a comic book and a bowl of candy.

His kitchen came with black cabinets and counters while the countertops were a marbled white color. Three identical green stools were placed along the front of the counter. There wasn’t anything else they really stood out with his kitchen, he had a couple of decorations, a tissue box, and a bowl of fruit lying out in a very organized way, but beyond that it was pretty simple.

Further back from the kitchen came the living room.

Norman had a decent amount of furniture, with a grey couch tucked against the wall, facing his tv, a green chair was placed off to the side, with a pillow that read “awesome” on it and a little elephant stuffed animal. There was a chess table off to the side as well as another chess set already set up on the black coffee table in front of his tv, he also had a small black side table next to the couch and a couple different gaming equipment by the tv.

Over all, it was fairly normal furniture until you got to the chair in between the green chair and the couch.

It was a fairly large, comfortable looking chair with zany, patchy rainbow colors, right in front of the odd chair was a rather large rainbow turtle footstool, and underneath it all, in the center of the living room was a large, green, chameleon styled rug.

Maybe a little weird, but Norman liked it, it added character to the otherwise fairly normal apartment.

“Make yourself at home...but keep in mind you’re still a guest,” he told Tortie as he took off his shoes and placed them in the closet, walking into the living room.

Ives has already made himself comfortable and was happily sprawled out on the couch, waiting for them.

Making a stop in his kitchen, Norman got out a glass from the cabinet. “Do either of you want something to drink? I’ve got water, orange juice, apple juice, two different kinds of lemonade, and chocolate milk,” he explained, getting the chocolate milk out from the fridge and pouring himself a glass of it.

He had normal milk too of course, but most people didn’t request just normal milk.

“Water sounds good, Nori,” Ives replied from his place on the couch and Norman got another glass out, filling that one up with water.

Turning his attention to Tortie, Norman opened the cabinet again, looking back to her. “What about you? Want anything?” He questioned idly. He might not exactly get along with Tortie, especially not today, but she was still his guest and Norman had been raised to be a good host, regardless of who was over.

At Tortie’s request, Norman paused, letting out a small sigh, an expression crossing his face as he grabbed a plastic cup - since Norman really didn’t trust Tortie with a glass - out of the cabinet and opened the fridge.

He pulled out the apple juice, the lemonade, and the raspberry lemonade and in a very rhythmic order, poured each one into the cup until the cup was filled with an even amount of each chosen beverage.

Then he put a lid on it and shook it up, allowing the yellow lemonade, pink lemonade, and apple color to mix together to create a sort of...sickly looking orange drink. Like if someone was super dehydrated and had only drank orange juice for the last ten days. That’s what this looked like.

Curious, Norman took off the lid and poured a little bit of it into a separate, much smaller cup and drank it quickly.

The taste was...odd, though not unpleasant. The lemonades mixed together well, and the apple diluted the other flavors just enough that neither over powered the other. Norman would dare say that this was even...good.

Frowning, Norman looked at Tortie’s cup, eyeing the liquid inside suspiciously.

He honestly had not expected a Tortie combination to have worked out in a way that tasted good, but here they were.

Shaking his head slightly, Norman put the three drinks on a little tray and carried them out, handing Tortie her cup and a little coaster to go with it. “Here’s your Tortie Special,” he told her, brow raised slightly as he looked at her, curious to see how Tortie would feel about the combination.

Tortie was fine with staying out of the conversation going on between Norman and Ives at the moment. Truth be told she was aware that they were talking, but most of their words were blocked out from her concentration on the "cookie" in her hand. She was still trying to figure out exactly what kind it was; it wasn't like it tasted bad, it actually tasted pretty good, but it wasn't a flavor she could pinpoint, and Tortie had thought she had tried every flavor of cookie that was available by now.

It wasn't until her name was spoken aloud that she focused back on the other two people she was with.

See, she could clearly tell that Norman was wanting the coaster back, but there was a part of her that really didn't want to return it, plus she still wasn't all that convinced the coaster wasn't a cookie. Surely if it was a coaster then it wouldn't have tasted as good as it had.

Making direct contact with Norman, Tortie brought the coaster back up to her lips in a slow motion fashion. She somehow managed to fit the entire coaster into her mouth, cheeks puffing out, and all the while she was still maintaining eye contact with her coworker.

To really add the icing to the cake, Tortie was somehow able to chew through the coaster this time, and she didn't stop until it was completely chewed up and she swallowed it all down, taking a quick sip of her drink to wash it all down.

All of this was done while still maintaining eye contact with Norman.

Then, as if she hadn't just chewed up and eaten an entire coaster, she asked, "Can I try one of your cookies now?"

Now as captain, Hazel did technically have stuff she had to do. However despite how it might appear, Hazel was extremely efficient, you didn’t get to captain by lazing around and ignoring the work you had. You did it by doing the work, no matter what it was and Hazel was always a little ahead on the whole work thing. Plus, one of her responsibilities as captain was to supervise activities going on in the precinct and this totally counted towards that.

”You’re right, Jason, I do have work to do and this is it right here,” she said and gestured to the Dawsons. “I have to stay in the precinct just in case someone needs me for something, but otherwise, I’m good to learn more about the Dawson family,” Hazel explained with a smile, folding her arms across the top of the chair. ”Honestly, a big part of my job is acting as the parent of the precinct and making sure none of my police kids get into any trouble, and right now, everyone actually seems to be behaving themselves,” she continued and shot a glance out the break room as if to double check that yes, everyone was being responsible right now.

Looking back to the Dawsons, Hazel gave a small, casual shrug. “I can’t promise how long I’ll be able to stick around, but I’m more than happy to freeze with you guys as long as you’ll have me,” she told them.

Which, she was probably using “freeze” wrong, but there was definitely a cold synonym that fit this situation and they were all pretty interchangeable, right?

Right.

She would know of course, as Hazel was a hip, cool captain that stayed in with the times.

TJ’s smile grew ever wider when Jules confirmed that they would need disguises for this case.

Scrambling up to stand on top of his chair, TJ grinned. “Well then-“ He paused to point dramatically off in the distant. ”To the supply room!” He said, voice loud and dramatic, and though he didn’t exactly expect Jules to get the reference he had just made, TJ had totally just made a reference to the mind blowing show: Avatar the Last Airbender, specifically that one scene in book two when Sokka got to pick their next vacation spot and he very dramatically gets up and goes “to the library!”

However, TJ wasn’t expecting anyone to get that reference...even though any properly educated person should.

Hurrying back off the chair, TJ didn’t wait for Jules as he made his way to the supply room, figuring that Jules would follow.

This was going to be fun.

---

One trip to the supply room later, TJ had grabbed some clothes for his disguise and changed quickly, waiting for Jules to finish with his own outfit with a rather proud smile across his face.

He had gone all out for this Fast and Furious theme, wearing a loose gray tank top that wouldn’t totally made him look like a muscular biker guy, if he had the build for it. Which wasn’t to say that he wasn’t, in his own way: muscular. TJ could hold his own in a fight if he had to, and he took his job as a detective very seriously, he had to stay healthy and fit and that’s what he did.

He just wasn’t one of those guys that were big and bulky, like Thor.

He was just a little more lean, that was all.

Anyways.

Beyond his cool tank top, TJ had also grabbed some dark colored, ripped jeans, a pair of black sneakers, and of course, to top it all off, he had grabbed a blue bandanna with skulls on it and tied it across his forehead, making his brown hinted blond hair stick out and look a little ruffled.

Basically...

He was totally nailing this Fast and Furious look.

Norman placed his hands on his hips, raising his brow as he looked down at Tortie - not something he could do often, but in the case that someone was sitting on the floor, looking down at them was actually possible - and frowned. “Yeah no, you can either cough up the money now or you can go buy a replacement yourself, but either way, you’re paying me back for eating one of my coasters,” he told her sternly.

He might respect her for her uncanny ability to eat literally anything and not throw up, but that didn’t mean she was going to get away with eating one of his Scooby Doo coasters without paying him back.

When Tortie then mentioned the cookies, Norman froze, eyes flickering over to the seven large cookie jars lined up against the wall. His eyes flickered back to Tortie.

Requesting one of every kind of cookie would mean...a lot of cookies.

Norman had been averaging anywhere from four to five batches a night over the last week. It wasn’t the worst case of stress baking he had had, however it still wasn’t great and while it would probably actually help him to give Tortie one of each kind, he also didn’t want anyone from work knowing that he was stress baking again and Tortie couldn’t exactly keep a secret, as far as he knew.

Coughing slightly, Norman turned his attention back to Tortie. “You can pick up to five,” he told her, figuring that was fairly reasonable.

After Tortie put in her request, Norman nodded and made his way to the kitchen, pausing once Ives shouted his own request over from the couch. “Hey if you’re getting cookies, can you get me a doggy bag of chocolate chip cookies? I wanna bring some home for Nadia,” Ives explained, falling quiet for only a moment before he hurriedly continued: ”Oh and some cookie dough if you have any!”

Norman didn’t verbally answer him, instead he just headed into the kitchen and picked out all the chocolate chip cookies except for one in a container, setting it off to the side for Ives to take with him later. He then grabbed a paper plate from the sad excuse for a pantry he had and made his way over to the cookie jars: ones he had specially made by Niko to stay organized, complete with little cabinets for individual cookie flavors so nothing was out of place.

He started by grabbing the cookies that Tortie had requested, having them on hand after his week of cookie stress baking. After that he picked out two random ones. One happened to be a pink meringue cookie, and the other was a raspberry cheesecake cookie. Then once Tortie’s plate was complete, he grabbed one extra cookie - a peanut butter cookie - and set it off to the side.

Once he had them all, he made his way back out, handed Tortie the cookie plate and moved to sit on his chair. “There’s a container for you to take home on the counter,” Norman told Ives absentmindedly, handing him the extra cookie he had grabbed and handed it out for Ives to take.

Ives grinned and took the cookie eagerly. “D’aww, you didn’t have to get me a cookie, and it’s my favorite too!” Ives said happily, letting out a quick thank you before devouring his own cookie.

After that, they spent the next couple hours just kind of messing around.

Norman challenged Ives to a game of chess, and won way too easily, they played a couple games on his tv, and ate more cookies.

Honestly Norman was quite content to spend the entire evening like that, however as it began to get a little later and the sun started to set, Ives had different plans.

Getting up from the couch, Ives dusted off his clothes and looked over at Norman. “Alright come on, you need to change before we head back out,” He explained and Norman raised his brow in suspicion.

“...Why?”

Ives beamed in response. “It’s a surprise! Now come on, you go grab your coolest outfits and Tortie and I will help you pick one,” Ives said and shot a glance back towards Tortie. “Right Torts?” He questioned.

Norman frowned, folding his arms. “Ives...” He started slowly, and Ives continued to grin in response.

“Come on, trust me Nori, for where we’re going, you’re gonna wanna look your best,” he explained.

Norman still wasn’t sure about any of this, but Ives had already promised no more strip clubs, so how bad could this new idea of his be?

Still suspicious, Norman slowly got up from his seat and started towards his bedroom. Eyeing Ives carefully one last time before he entered the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

Once Norman had entered his room, Ives looked around at his apartment, realizing that this was the first time he had actually been alone with Tortie during their entire day.

He looked over at her and smiled slightly, bouncing on his feet. “So, you think Torts sounds like a fart?” Ives asked, thinking it over for a moment or so.

She had a point, when he really thought about it, “torts” could have easily been a mix between the words “toot” and “farts” and that was not good, not good at all. Ives prided himself in his nicknames, going out of his way to make sure his friends had personalized nicknames from him.

Well most of them, there were some people that for some reason, he just couldn’t figure out a nickname for. Maybe he just really liked their actual name, like Nadia, she had a very pretty name. Although even then, he did sometimes call her Nadi.

Beau didn’t have a nickname though, and really, neither did Shiva.

Hmm, maybe it was a Wolff thing.

“Yeah, I’m thinking you’re gonna need a new nickname,” Ives decided as he looked back over at Tortie. “Tortie...Torts...uh...Turtle!” He exclaimed, snapping his fingers in excitement as he grinned over at Tortie. “How do you feel about Turtle?”

Ives grinned triumphantly when she approved of the new - non-fart related - nickname, nodding silently in his own form of approval. He opened his mouth, about to say something else when Norman spoke up from the other side of the door.

“Uh Ives? What did you mean by coolest clothes?” He asked hesitantly and Ives froze, furrowing his brow. Y’know, maybe he shouldn’t have left Norman in charge of figuring out good enough clothes for their next destination. He loved his friend dearly and was still banking on that double wedding he kept talking about, however...Norman and Ives did have very different understandings of “cool” clothes.

Not that Norman had any uncool clothes, his best friend dressed in his own style and it worked for him. But would Norman really be able to figure out the “cool” clothes from the cool clothes?

“Uh...Think like....” Okay Ives think. “Oh I know, pick your Ty-est outfit!” He decided, a proud smile flickering across his visage.

Ty was a cool dude, Norman knew that, this would definitely help.

“Okay but are we talking Ty now or more like, Ty back before he started wearing Hawaiian shirts?”

“Before-y’know actually, come on back out here, I’ll just go pick an outfit for you,” Ives decided quickly, knowing fully well that this could go on awhile.

Norman seemed okay with that and stepped out of his room, gesturing for Ives to take the lead.

Which he did, instantly going inside to find something a little more suitable for tonight.

“Don’t worry about it, Turtle, Ives got this!” Ives called out to her as he hurried inside the room.

It wasn’t long after that he grabbed Norman and pulled him inside as well, and not too long after that, Ives stepped back out and cleared his throat. ”Alright, ladies and uh...okay there’s only you so I guess just lady?” He asked as he looked at Tortie, gesturing vaguely as if that answers his question for him. ”Anyways, may I present...Norman,” he said and coughed loudly to get Norman to come outside.

With a deflated sigh, Norman exited his room. He was wearing a black and green jacket, black pants, a rainbow scarf wrapped neatly around his neck, and his hair had been sort of pulled back in a weak effort to tame it.

Ives nodded in approval. “Yeah, you’re looking foxy, don’t you think, Tortie?” He questioned, glancing back at Tortie.

Norman frowned, folding his arms. “I feel ridiculous, can’t you just tell me where we’re going?” He asked and Ives quickly shushed him.

“Shhhh, you’ll find out soon enough,” he said and looked from Tortie to Norman. “If you two are ready to leave, we can go anytime,” he added as he looked between them.

Norman shrugged in response but Ives was taking that to mean he was ready.