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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 16:39:08 GMT -5
{ upupupupupu i am ready
tbh i can't imagine how life is gonna be for the two of them once they actually get together like oml the fans are gonna flip, nevermind Kyungil
THAT'S WHAT I SAID
AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE "YO DID YOU FINISH THAT ANIME"
I'M LIKE
WHAT YOU THINK
HELL NOOOOO }
The show came directly after the fansign. Well, ok, the group was given thirty minutes to prepare, but that wasn't much, considering that they would essentially all be on stage for the next two hours or so. Yes, they had solo stages prepared, but those were only good for getting a light snack and fixing up their makeup.
"Alright, guys, I just peeked and the place is PACKED." Dokyun swept into the room, having been the first to get changed into the v-neck he'd be wearing for at least the first portion of the show. Kyungil was wearing a muscle tee and Jaeho honestly wished he wouldn't, because his boyfriend had been working out again and, as one fangirl put it very elegantly on Instagram: "omg you look so good, oppa! <3"
Well, it was elegant compared to what some other fans were saying.
Jaeho tugged lightly at the collar of his white shirt, outside of which he wore an unbuttoned, black baseball jersey. He wondered if Xzavier was out there already. Who am I kidding? Of course he is. And as the makeup noona finished up on his eyeliner, Jaeho watched out of the corner of his eye as some very suspicious activity occurred between Dokyun and Kyungil. They were whispering and Kyungil kept glancing over at him. Dokyun was wearing his "encouraging mom" face and Jaeho had learned a long time ago that that face never meant good things.
Sihyoung brushed past him just as the makeup noona was leaving, one hand giving Jaeho's shoulder a light squeeze before the rapper sat down next to him. "How you feeling?"
"Nervous, I guess."
"Good."
--
The show was moving along smoothly. Jaeho never did find Xzavier's face in the crowd and so he didn't mess up on his lyrics or his dance steps, which he was rather proud of himself about. Kyungil wasn't as touchy as he normally was, didn't come brush against his shoulder or run his fingers teasingly up his back when he thought no one was watching. Jaeho tried not to concern himself with that, figuring that maybe his boyfriend was just being cautious at their first solo concert in America. If Jaeho didn't know any better, he'd say that Kyungil was nervous.
Jaeho was the second one that night to take the solo stage. First was Yijeong, performing his first solo single, which had been released inside their latest album. Then it was Jaeho's turn and he sang All of Me. Mostly because he knew that song and he was honestly running very close to the concert preparation deadline so he'd just said the first thing that came to mind. But he liked this song, too, and the fans loved it that one time he posted a clip of himself playing piano and singing it on Instagram. They all thought it was adorable, because of course they would assume it was a song for Kyungil.
Well, it was at the end of Jaeho's performance that he began to regret his decision because as he stood and bowed for the audience, raising his microphone to say a few words before the rest of his members joined him for another group song, Kyungil appeared on stage. He might have ignored his boyfriend or cracked a joke had he not noticed that Kyungil was wearing a suit, which he really shouldn't be, considering what their next song was.
When Kyungil crossed to middle of the stage, went down on one knee two steps away from Jaeho, Jaeho's heart seemed to fall to his stomach and he couldn't even register the words Kyungil was saying because blood was pounding in his ears and his cheeks felt too hot to be comfortable. He could only stare at the ring that was presented to him, stare at the small, nervous smile on Kyungil's face.
He swallowed the lump in his throat because the silence from the audience was getting a little too loud and there was only one way he could break it without the whole world descending into chaos.
"Neh, Kyungil." His voice was quiet and breathless, but the fans must have understood because all of a sudden Kyungil was rising and pulling him in for a hard kiss and the crowd was screaming. Dokyun rushed forward and pulled them apart before Kyungil could start doing something else and all Jaeho could do was breathe heavily and smile through clenched teeth because his jaw wouldn't stop shaking and now he understood why Kyungil had been nervous because Kyungil was never nervous unless he was doing something for the first time and Jaeho didn't know what to do but he knew he should be happy to feel the warm body pressed against his and see that brightness in his boyfriend's eyes...
So why didn't he feel happy? Why was he shaking from panic and shock and why was it that he was GLAD that Dokyun had pulled them apart?
He looked up at his boyfriend and Kyungil was just as stunning as ever.
I didn't know why.
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 19:09:25 GMT -5
{{ I WOULD RATHER SKIN MYSELF THAN WATCH THAT
I'm so excited for this ahhhhh
I'll respond when I get on my laptop! Typing on there is much easier! }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 19:42:41 GMT -5
{ OMG AHAHAH I FEEL THAT SO MUCH
MEANWHILE MY FREN BEING THERE LIKE "OMG SUCH GOOD ANIME"
LIKE NO
I'm excited too eep c': I love this
Okie dokie ! I agree typing on laptop is easier xD screw phones }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 20:03:16 GMT -5
{{ yeah, screw mobile. i'm on my laptop and responding rn
AND YEAH
YOUR FRIEND IS WEIRD MAN
NO WAY IS THAT ANIME GOOD }}
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 21:01:49 GMT -5
Xzavier couldn't think. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe. However, he could hear the girls all around him, Jaxen included, screaming and cheering for the engaged couple in front of them. Engaged. That hit harder than Xzavier expected. It was bound to happen, bound for Jaeho to be wedded to someone, someone that wasn't Xzavier. It was inevitable, yet some part of him was so distraught.
And why was he so upset about it? He had Jaxen. Jaxen, the sweet lover who broke down Xzavier's walls, forced them to crumble at his hands with soothing words and kind touches. Jaxen, the gentle boyfriend who couldn't harm a fly, let alone Xzavier's heart. Thinking of Jaxen, he pulled the other closer towards him. This earned him a confused glance, but no words of disapproval were made, making Xzavier glad. Jaxen didn't reject him, he did quite the opposite. He embraced Xzavier for every part of who he was.
He should be happy for Jaeho. Happy that his friend found someone he loved so much that he wanted to marry them, even if it was Kyungil. If the other brought Jaeho happiness and love, that was all that mattered. Yet, he still had to look away from the stage. He still had to pretend that his world wasn't crumbling at his feet. He thought he had gotten over Jaeho, that the other didn't hurt him anymore. Apparently, the scars ran deeper than he had thought.
Nuzzling into Jaxen's neck, he wanted the concert to end as fast as possible. The day was almost over, and Jaxen had promised his parents he would stay the night at their place instead of being with Xzavier. At first, that hurt. Why didn't Jaxen's parents want Xzavier around? Was he not good enough for them anymore?
But now, that was alright.
He could go home alone, with the exception of Kuniko. It was better that Jaxen didn't see him like this, better off for the both of them. Because despite the fact he cared for Jaxen very much, it was inevitable that a piece of his heart would always love Jaeho. No matter how much he tried to get his childhood friend out of his mind, it never worked out quite well.
Swallowing down the negative emotions that were swimming in his mind, he ruffled Jaxen's hair. "Scream any louder and you won't be speaking for a few days. Oh, what a blessing that would be." He teased, whispering into his boyfriend's ear.
He could do this. He could pretend for Jaxen.
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 21:18:22 GMT -5
{ Xzavier hurts me oh my god Xzavier pls it'll all be ok I promise
I'm on mobile now dear god I ain't typing my reply on my phone tho that is no bueno
IVE BEEN SAYING SHES WEIRD FOR YEARS OK
EVERY TIME SHE JUST COMES BACK WITH "ew no you're weird"
BISHHHHHHHH }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 21:23:11 GMT -5
{{ Someone save Xzavier that smol child
Oof, git rekt m8
HAHAHA NO
SHE IS W E I R D
WHO WATCHES AN ANIME WITH DOLLS HUH
NO ONE }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 21:25:53 GMT -5
{ that poor smol child not actual child
It's ok Xzavier, JaeJae gon find you somehow
//gits rekt
I WILL TELL HER THAT SOMEONE ELSE THINKS SHE WEIRD SHE WILL HAVE TO CONCEDE
SRSLY THO!!!
ITS WORSE CUZ ANOTHER FRIEND OF MINE ENCOURAGES IT
HE LIKES THE DOLL ANIME TOO IM JUST
//flips tables }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 21:27:49 GMT -5
{{ i'm snickering bc "JaeJae"
and yeah, he isn't smol
but yet
so smol
so so so smol
mobile can sma
YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE NAME??
BC IM KINDA INTRIGUED
IM ALWAYS READY TO RUIN MY SLEEP }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 21:36:25 GMT -5
{ JaeJae is precious shut up ha
Smol un-smol tol child man
//throws mobile in dumpster
//retrieves instantly cuz I still need it cuz I wanna communicate to forums
ITS CALLED 'ANOTHER'
WATCH AT OWN RISK OK }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 21:51:17 GMT -5
{ it's such a beautiful nickname
okay same
OK OK I LOOK
JUST A BTW
I'M LOOKING UP VIDEOS OF HISTORY
WHAT A BLESSING THEY ARE
IM ALSO IN A CL TYPE OF MOOD
BLESS THAT WOMAN }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 22:00:03 GMT -5
{ yes thank you
OMG YESSSSSS
HISTORY ARE ABSOLUTE BAES WHAT VIDS DID YOU WATCH
CL MY QUEEN!?
OML DID YOU SEE BLACK PINK'S DEBUT THO THEYRE LIKE MINI CL'S }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 22:04:53 GMT -5
{{ okay so
i watched a trailer for that anime
no thank you
RIGHT YES
AH
THE "MAKE ME WANNA DIE" ONE
OOF
M8
CL AHHHHHHHH
CL CL
BLEGH JUST SLAY ME
YES I DID WTH IM DEAD }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 22:41:41 GMT -5
{ Ok I gave up trying to get out of bed to my computer so I'm just typing on my phone smh me }
The rest of the show seemed to go by in a blur. During Kyungil's solo stage, Jaeho watched his boyfriend (now fiancé) dance on stage and he thought that Kyungil was probably the best dancer he'd ever seen. Yijeong had crowded in next to him and smiled, saying something about how happy he was that his hyungs were getting married and Jaeho better pick him as the best man. They both knew that that Yijeong was only saying that, though, because Kyungil would be the one to pick the maknae. Jaeho would likely go with Dokyun and Sihyoung...well, if they were going to get married in Korea, then Sihyoung would most definitely officiate. There was no way they would be able to reach out to anyone else.
But Jaeho had to wonder how their Korean fans would view this engagement. They'd managed to be ok with the whole 'boyfriend' situation but it had taken them two years. This talk of marriage was adding another layer of complication. Why had Kyungil proposed in public?
But Jaeho knew why. Proposing in public was insurance that Jaeho would say yes.
The show was over around 11PM and to be honest, Jaeho was exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted. He didn't protest when Kyungil gathered him in his arms on the ride home, falling asleep against his boyfriend's chest and wondering if he was going to be ok. Sure, Kyungil seemed to be more or less stable these days, but Jaeho was still wary. Just a month ago, Kyungil had come back to their dorms drunk. The others were all asleep at the time and they wouldn't have been aware of what was happening because they slept upstairs and Kyungil and Jaeho were downstairs. But Jaeho remembered that night vividly and for the first time in a year he remembered why he hated it so much when Kyungil drank.
It was 12:30AM when Jaeho snuck out of the hotel they were at and hailed a taxi to take him out into the city. He didn't know where they would be going, exactly, just told the cabbie to drive around until he said to stop. And when he got out of the car, it took only five minutes for him to find himself at the steps that led to Xzavier's apartment.
He didn't even know if Xzavier still lived here, but he had no other leads. The boyfriend might be here, too, but Jaeho was willing to take that chance. He'd come this far. He didn't know who else to go to and he wanted Xzavier, above anyone else, to know that he didn't actually want Kyungil to be his husband. To be his husband would be like being imprisoned. He would really have nowhere to run after that. Even if Korea didn't recognize their marriage, Kyungil would and that's all that would matter because Kyungil was a possessive man by nature and Jaeho understood the implications all too well.
So he swallowed the lump forming in his throat and rang the doorbell. He needed this. He needed to tell someone.
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 8, 2016 22:43:43 GMT -5
{ yeah see I told you that anime is a big fat no
YESSSSSSS
KYUNGIL'S ABS ??? I WAS LIKE
WHEN THEY WERE REACTING TO THEIR MV AND THE ABS PART CAME KYUNGIL WAS LIKE "I lived for that moment"
CL IS TOO GOOD FOR THIS EARTH IM
I CANT
IM OBSESSED WITH BLACK PINK HOW DO YOU GET OBSESSED AFTER TWO VIDEOS
AFTER HALF A VIDEO NOT EVEN }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 8, 2016 22:48:45 GMT -5
{{ ahh, i'll respond soon!!
yeah, bad bad anime
YES RIGHT
I WAS LIKE
SO THIRSTY
SO SO SO SO MUCH THIRST
CL IS MY QUEEN
I FEEL LIKE CL IS THE GRUNGE MOM AND THEY'RE THE PASTEL CHILDREN }}
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 9, 2016 0:08:53 GMT -5
Xzavier had dropped Jaxen off at his parent's apartment building as soon as the concert was over, needing to escape the stifling air that had started to surround him as soon as the engagement occurred before the performance. It had hurt to breathe and the pressure didn't lessen completely even when the city's air entered his lungs. Jaxen had noticed his discomfort and gave Xzavier a worried glance, only to be met with a reassuring smile. It seemed to work and it should have because that was Xzavier was good at. Lying.
The only thing.
Oh, great. They're starting to come back more frequently, aren't they?
Xzavier had given the other a gentle kiss on the cheek as a goodbye before heading back to the subway and making his way home. He didn't want Jaxen to walk the streets of the city by himself, even though he was perfectly capable. He hated babying his boyfriend, but after being stabbed that one night, he didn't want to take any chances.
The ride home hadn't been so bad, Xzavier mainly focused on controlling his breathing. He probably seemed odd to those seated around him but their opinions had no effect on his actions. He stumbled off the platform as his stop came up, heaving himself down the street the last ten minutes home.
Throughout the whole time, his mind kept on replaying the scene that happened hours before. Married. Jaeho's.. getting married? He felt as if his whole world was shattered, yet he didn't understand why. Didn't he love Jaxen? Why was he so upset over the engagement? He shouldn't feel anything for his old friend, but here he was. His breathing ragged and his mind taunting him once more.
Thankfully, he had made it back home. He threw his keys on the kitchen table and went to feed a mewing Kuniko, flinging himself into the shower as soon as she was pleased. The water soothed the tension in his body a bit, but his head was still pounding and his thoughts were still raging.
He had settled himself on his bed, clinging onto a pillow soon after. Yes, he should've eaten something. But he couldn't bring himself to get up and look through the fridge. Besides, the food probably wouldn't have settled well in his stomach.
Selfishly, he wanted Jaxen here. He needed someone to hold, someone to tell him everything was going to be okay, that he was going to be okay. But that wasn't going to happen tonight. Similar to his past, Xzavier was going to have to fight his nightmares alone.
He was about to fall asleep, dreamless hopefully, when he heard the doorbell being rung. He groaned, running a hand down his face. Who the hell was that? Didn't they know what time it was? It was probably someone mistaking his apartment for the one next door or below him.
He got up and reached the door, not bothering to see who it was. Unlocking it, he held it open halfway, Kuniko purring and rubbing herself against his legs. His chest was bare, tattoos and scars displayed for the world to see. His eyes were most likely red rimmed from lack of sleep and from the constant negative thoughts keeping him awake. He had sweatpants on, thankfully, but those were getting cat hair on them. All in all, he looked like shit. Complete opposite of his appearance at the concert that was a few hours ago.
However, as he glanced at the person on the opposite side of the door, his breath caught in his throat.
Jaeho.
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 9, 2016 11:47:30 GMT -5
{ I'm finishing up Asassination Classroom season 2 rn and I am shooooook
TBH HISTORY IS JUST A GROUP OF KINGS
YIJEONG IN "QUEEN" GOES: "I'm the King you're the Queen" AND I'M LIKE DAMN RIGHT SON
CL UGHH
HELLO B ITCHES IS MAH JAM OK
TBH TRUE
I HAVE NEVER FALLEN FOR A GIRL GROUP SO FAST BLACK PINK IS //death }
For a moment, Jaeho wondered if the door would even open for him. It was past midnight, after all. Any sane person would be in bed. And Xzavier might be a deep sleeper (Jaeho couldn't remember whether or not he was). But this concern was for naught. He heard the clicking of a lock and the door opened to reveal a half-naked Xzavier looking, for all intents and purposes, like death. A cat was standing there as well, rubbing against the guy's leg, and Jaeho forced himself to smile.
"Hey. Sorry if you were asleep...I just..." He just what? Just decided to show up? Well, yeah. "Could I come in?" Jaeho didn't exactly wait for an answer before slipping over the threshold and into the apartment. He realized only then that this was the first time he'd been here, despite his intentions of visiting three years ago when HISTORY was here for KCON.
The apartment was small, but Jaeho didn't mind it. Had he not been given the opportunity to be a star, he would likely be living in similar conditions. "Nice place you have." He had to work hard to keep his voice from cracking, from tearing under the stress of his inner turmoil. He couldn't break. Not yet...probably not ever. Part of him felt terrible for using Xzavier this way, but the other part of him rationalized that Xzavier was the only person he could go to. Kyungil was obviously a big no and Dokyun, though motherly and caring, was not the right person for this.
"Is, um...is your boyfriend here?" He doubted it, if the guy hadn't shown up already. But it was safer to check.
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 9, 2016 12:58:35 GMT -5
{{ I honestly still haven't watched any anime yet
I am so rekt m8
I need to rewatch Gangsta augh
That test I have on the 18th
GUESS WHO STILL HASNT STUDIED YET
I'm dead ah
I LIKE THE FANSERVICE
BLESS THIS GROUP
B L E S S UP
WAIT SAME
I LOVE HOW THE REQUEST CREW ARE THE DANCERS
I LOVE THAT DANCE GROUP AHHH
THEYRE SO TALENTED IM CRYIN
I ALSO LOVE f(x) BC KRYSTAL AH }}
Xzavier blinked, looking at the figure in front of him and thinking to himself that Jaeho standing there was only an illusion. The fact that the other was standing in front of him, in his apartment building instead of being with his fiancé... it couldn't be reality. He had to be dreaming because there was no possible way Jaeho would come here. Why would he even want to come here? How did he even know where Xzavier resided? He was sure he never mentioned it to the other, it never came up in the minuscule conversations they had years ago.
He stood off to the side, opening the door further when the other moved to enter his apartment. He avoided contact as much as possible, deciding it was for the best. Kuniko glanced into the hallway and sniffed the air before going back inside the apartment.
'No.' He wanted to say. 'No, you can't come in.' But Xzavier couldn't bring himself to say a word, the sentence lodged in his throat.
Slamming the door shut behind him, Xzavier made his way to the couch that sat in his living room. His eyes gazed upon his apartment, realizing how messy it must seem. It rarely was, but he spent more time at Jaxen's place than his own that the mess didn't matter to him anymore. Kuniko went to Jaxen's whenever Xzavier did and she loved the trip.
He noticed that this pill bottles were haphazardly sprawled on his kitchen table, but he made no move to place them somewhere else. He was messed up in the head, why should he care if Jaeho found out? The other was leaving soon anyway, probably wasn't coming back.
Xzavier maneuvered his way to the couch and plopped himself down, Kuniko immediately jumping beside him to sleep on his chest. Xzavier was like a warm blanket, something she adored and the ragdoll purrrd in content. He absentmindedly rubbed her head, avoiding eye contact with Jaeho. He knew he should say 'Congratulations on your marriage' but he didn't trust himself to allow that sentence to escape his mouth. Saying that would hurt far too much, it was a lie anyway. He felt nothing but a fresh wave of hurt at the thought of their engagement.
Again, why was he so upset? He had Jaxen, didn't he?
"Jaxen's with his parents tonight." Xzavier murmured, his voice raw as his accent thickened. "is there something here you need? I'm pretty sure wherever you're staying isn't here."
He didn't exactly mean for his question to come out bitter, but he was exhausted and dealing with Jaeho wasn't helping. The other didn't belong here, didn't belong in Xzavier's world. He never did, Xzavier should've known.
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 9, 2016 18:17:29 GMT -5
{ Dude I am falling back in love with my ult anime bias all over again this is
Idk if this is good or bad but he is killing me
GO STUDY YOU NINCOMPOOP
who am i to say anything even i never study
OK THEY DO SO MUCH FANSERVICE???
THE FANSERVICE IN MIGHT JUST DIE
AND IN PSYCHO
I JUST
Also Kyungil and Yijeong are constantly doing fanservice
Once Kyungil had a lip ring in and he was like "How is it?"
Yijeong goes "I wanna kiss it"
And Kyungil's like "...//removes lip ring just as Yijeong's leaning in"
I was like GUYS
YASSSS I DIDN'T KNOW WHO THEY WERE BEFORE THAT MV BUT
I LURV
I LURVE
I'M NOT THAT FAMILIAR WITH f(x) TBH BUT I HAVE HEARD THEIR MUSIC IT IS <3 }
Jaeho sat tentatively on the couch, looking as though he were ready to bolt any minute. He noticed the pill bottles, saw the messy chaos, but said nothing about any of it because at the moment, his life was such a mess he had no right to judge anyone else, especially not Xzavier. His old friend sounded so bitter, Jaeho wanted nothing more than to launch himself on the larger man and just...cry. He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry to someone who he would be able to talk about his problems to, because he can't exactly vent about his Kyungil issues to any of his bandmates. He wanted Xzavier to know everything and he wanted...he just...he wanted.
"I just...wanted to talk." That was his answer. A stupid, lame, cowardly answer because what he wanted was so much more than just talking. Just thinking about what happened earlier that night (or yesterday, considering that it was technically morning now) made tears prick at the edges of Jaeho's eyes because he didn't know what to do. Kyungil wanted to marry him and Jaeho didn't want to be trapped. He could not win in this situation. But then, Kyungil had always been destined to win in this relationship. He always won.
But he couldn't put this into words. He wanted to, so badly, but his tongue felt like lead and all he could do was chew at his bottom lip and clasp his hands together, knuckles turning white from the stress. Part of it all was fear. Fear of what Kyungil would do if his boyfriend woke up at 3AM and found that Jaeho was missing. Fear of the future, a future where Kyungil would be with him at every step, a future where no one would even question what Kyungil's behavior because they would be married.
If not even Dokyun could pick up on what was wrong, then what hope did Jaeho have of complete strangers (they called themselves fans, but what did they know?) noticing anything?
"I'm...scared, Xzavier. I'm really...just...I'm scared."
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 9, 2016 20:50:50 GMT -5
{{ dude that's good
so gud
i mean, your life is ruined and taken over
but gud
i procrastinate until i realize i have very very little time left
oops
AHH PERFECT
I KEEP ON WATCHING THE SAME VIDEO OVER AND OVER
AND I KEEP ON MUMBLING
"How dare you"
YES OMG
PLS WATCH SOME OF THEIR VIDEOS
THEY'RE A PART OF A MAJOR DANCE GROUP CALLED THE ROYAL FAMILY
I AM LIVING
AHHH I LOVE EM
i keep on listening to Eternity by Vixx and oops there goes me heart
i wanna hug Jaeho, poor bby ;-; }}
Xzavier stiffened at Jaeho's words, the cracking of the other's voice sending daggers straight to his heart. He quickly allowed his eyes to glance over at Jaeho's form. His face was pale and his eyes were watery, his whole body seeming to tremble. If there was a heavy wind, Xzavier was sure Jaeho would've been blown away.
Was this why the other was here in his apartment at three in the morning? It had to be. There was no other reasonable explanation, Jaeho often used Xzavier to calm himself down because that was what he was best at. He molded himself to become the number one person Jaeho could confide in.
Stupid.
Jaeho had always come to Xzavier to get things off of his chest, to tell him things he would never tell anyone else. And Xzavier never told another soul, because why would he? Jaeho had always been the most important figure in his life, there was nothing he wouldn't do for the other.
Kuniko, distraught that her warm pillow was now so stiff, jumped off his chest and maneuvered her way over to the kitchen, hoping to sniff out some crumbs.
He sat up from his spot, resting his elbows on his knees. "Scared?" His tone immediately became gentle, despite being how tired he was.
"What's there to be scared about, hm? If you love someone so much it hurts, then that's normal."
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 11, 2016 0:23:53 GMT -5
{ Oh my gooooood
Why did I think I'd replied to this already oml
But seriously yeah my life has been taken over by this anime dude again and it was rude because I was finishing up season 2 and there was a literal 20 second shot just of this guy lying there with his shirt half off
"Photoshoot" more like "fanservice to destroy fans and get more views"
HISTORY my most problematic babes
Aside from Yoongi
BRO THEY ARE SO GOOD
I WATCHED 711 BEYONCÉ AND ????????
HEHUHAAISHSJSK ????
Oh my god VIXXXXXXXXXXX
I'll reply when I wake up in like 7 hours prob C': lowkey said I would sleep like 2 hours ago and still not sleeping for some reason }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 11, 2016 0:46:05 GMT -5
{{ yo, no biggie. i feel. sometimes i forget threads and people have to drag me back from the hole i reside in so c:
anime dudes are so rude
like
i want one to become real
y'know?
really good cosplayers hurt me
my mom just told me to stop playing that song from the speakers
guess what
haven't stopped
RIGHT
YOU GOTTA WATCH THE WORLD OF DANCE 2015 FRONTROW ONE
IT
IS
MY FAVORITE
VIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
lol i won't sleep for another two hours
and then i'll probably wake up in ten hours?
i hate me and my sleepschedule
night night frend
don't let the kpop bite }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 11, 2016 15:38:07 GMT -5
{ really good cosplayers are my kryptonite
but seriously when i was younger the first dream in which i kissed someone
that someone was a freaking anime character
i just dreamt that he went to my school and like somehow an entire year passed by over the course of that dream aND MY MOM WOKE ME UP RIGHT AS HE WAS ABOUT TO BE LIKE "YOU WANNA BE MY GF"
i was like MOM PLS
omg
don't stop
I WILL I WILL
//at work rn oops
VIXXXXXXXXXX
tbh don't have a bias in VIXX cuz i only know songs xD
dude
kpop bites me 24/7
25/8 }
Jaeho glanced at Xzavier, but his attention was almost immediately pulled back to his lap. "I love him...but that's..." He tried for a smile, "The love isn't what hurts. He's the one who hurts." What a terrible way to tell his secret. Jaeho almost wished he could take those words back and just get up and leave. Wished that he could have just nodded and smiled and thanked Xzavier for his time before flying out that door because honestly, he's already been out for much too long.
But he wanted to talk. His chest hurt with the burden of what he wanted to say and he knew that it would continue to hurt after he told Xzavier, but if he could just relieve that pain...just for a few moments...it would be enough. And he could get back to his life and Xzavier could get back to his and they could continue that charade of being strangers. That would be for the best.
"Kyungil's not a very nice person, really." Jaeho's voice was thin and barely loud enough for himself to hear, but he kept talking. "I mean...he's nice. He's sweet, sometimes, he really is. It's just...all the fans are always saying that he looks to be the dominant type and they all drool over how he takes control of everything and his eyes, oh my god the fans love his intense stare for some reason...and I mean, I don't know." He bit his lip, closing his eyes for a moment to collect his thoughts, to try and put them into words.
"He's dominant all the time. I don't mind that, not really. It's just that sometimes he makes me feel as though I'm...stupid? Incompetent? I don't know." Jaeho shrugged, almost dismissively, a smile appearing across his features. "And sometimes, he does this thing where he gets really angry over everything I do and I know he has control over himself because he's always careful about what he's doing, but...I don't know. It's stupid. Everyone gets angry sometimes." The smile faltered and Jaeho reminded himself not to cry. Not in front of Xzavier. He was already burdening the guy enough by being here.
"It's just that...it hurts. You know? And I keep having to make up excuses for why I can't be at dance practice some days and when I do go, I have to keep painkillers with me? And I still mess up sometimes and I hate that."
"But in the end, I still love him, you know? And I know he loves me, so I guess it's ok. Because he likes me enough to want to marry me. I mean, I'm happy that he would even think of wanting to marry me I didn't expect him to want..." Jaeho trailed off, but when he looked up again, he was forcing another smile and hoping that there weren't any unshed tears in his eyes because Xzavier shouldn't have to suffer through listening to Jaeho complain. And so he stood and brushed himself off.
"I should go. Thanks for letting me in."
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 11, 2016 19:49:28 GMT -5
{{ i've been so busy all day rip
lemme respond
this shit is so emotional dude
idk how i can deal with these feels
but i relate to that dream
i've had so many with hot anime guys
augh
okay same
their music is me jam
dude
relatable }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 11, 2016 21:00:08 GMT -5
{ rip rip
i know i'm actually breaking Jaeho I feel bad
and i feel bad for doing this to Kyungil too but like seriously
look at him
he's such an easy candidate for this kinda stuff
too many
tooo many
also my friends are all like "omg you have a voice kink" cuz my favorite character in like every anime has been played by the same voice actor (provided that the voice actor is in the anime of course) and like i'm never aware of it until someone points it out then i'm like shit
i actually still don't know this voice actor's name cuz i never searched it up but my friend's a huge voice actor/anime nerd
jimin you got no jams
stupid kpop }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 12, 2016 2:45:57 GMT -5
{{ you evil
it took me FOREVER to think of a response
and it isn't even good rip me
dude
deep voices are HOT
there's this one voice actor i adore and augh
why does kpop take over our lives }}
Xzavier had clasped his hands in front of him before Jaeho had even spoken a word, before he decided to tell the other why he had arrived at his apartment so late at night. His fingers were pressing hard into the opposite hand, the small pain barely upsetting his mindset, and Xzavier became pleased. He was pleased with himself for doing it beforehand, pleased that he was able to hide the shake in his hand as Jaeho opened his mouth and a torrent of words escaped from his lips. It seemed that he had been holding it all in for so long and now that Xzavier was in front of him, it could all be released. And even though bruises would be left later on.. well, that didn't matter.
As expected, Jaeho began talking about Kyungil once more. It was disappointing, really. Because after all this time, shouldn't Jaeho realize that Kyungil wasn't right for him? You would think that after a discussion like this, after discussing all the abnormal qualities about his lover, Jaeho would have the sudden realization that their love wasn't healthy, that it was just one-sided?
Xzavier's brain immediately transported him back to the time where the two last spoke a few years back. It would happen again, most likely. History was beginning to repeat itself. Jaeho would drain himself of his feelings and everything he had built up inside, opening himself up to Xzavier. And then.. he'd leave. He'd leave without a trace, never to look back at his old friend.
And Xzavier.. Xzavier didn't want Jaeho to leave.
So when the other finished speaking, when the other hurriedly stood up to leave, muttering apologies and saying his thanks, Xzavier reached forward and took Jaeho's hand in his.
He wasn't thinking, really.
It was smooth, like in the past. And it was much smaller than his, Xzavier's hand nearly enveloped Jaeho's. He was nearly surprised by his own action, but he wasn't upset with it. Perhaps his subconscious was finally getting sick of Xzavier and his pining and decided to take manners into its own hands. With his mind racing, Xzavier slowly stood up as well, not releasing his gentle hold on Jaeho's hand.
"C'mon." He murmured, gently pulling the other towards the direction that led further into his apartment. "Let's get you more comfortable, alright? You're going to cry soon, so don't hold it back. You don't ever need to hold it back."
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 12, 2016 3:25:40 GMT -5
{ Bro no
It's a wonderful response c':
I made this one difficult didn't I ha
It's not even a deep voice for me
Like I seriously don't know why I like this guy's voice so much
It's the guy who plays Rin in Blue Exorcist and Karma in Assassination Classroom? If you've seen those idk but he has a whole list of other roles too and I somehow end up liking his characters every single time it's frustrating XD
Oooo which actor :0
Idek KPop just absorbs people honestly }
{ Idek why I'm awake rn
I went to sleep like 4 hours ago and I just randomly woke up again ._. Idk if I'll have a response until later tho lol
Probably gonna sleep again }
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Post by Vɪᴛɪᴀᴛᴜs on Aug 12, 2016 11:38:28 GMT -5
{{ bro
this has turned into an emotional rollercoaster
omg
Rin's voice is GREAT
The voice actor of Ryuji is my favorite
Ah
Id marry that voice
It does
You'll never come back the same
And that's relatable
I do that
I check social media and fall back asleep }}
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Post by נσкσмαтσ on Aug 12, 2016 11:48:44 GMT -5
{ ikr
never make it stop
iKR
omg
Ryuji's voice
yassssssssss
i feel that
you just fall into an endless abyss that that's the end of you honestly
tbh I stayed awake for like 3 hours and then fell asleep and woke up at 11 I was satisfied
my mom was like wtf is your sleep schedule }
Of all the things Jaeho might have expected Xzavier to do, holding his hand and leading him further into the apartment instead of away from it was not one of them. He had expected Xzavier to nod, maybe, stand and show him the door. Maybe mutter a few half-hearted words of encouragement? He didn't know. But he hadn't expected Xzavier to tell him it was ok to cry.
Maybe that's all that he had been waiting for. Permission. Because it wasn't long before silent tears began falling from his eyes, try as he might to stop them. It wasn't as if he never cried in front of his bandmates, in front of Kyungil, but in those moments the tears always made him feel weak and small. This time, it was, somehow, comforting.
Xzavier's hand was so big compared to his own, enveloping it almost completely. He still couldn't believe how the kid he'd known way back when had grown into this giant of a man, but puberty did strange things. A voice in the back of his head pestered him to get away and get home, get back to Kyungil because Kyungil was, in many ways, the safe option. Because even if Kyungil was a harbinger of hurt, he was also a shield. Because Kyungil could protect him.
But can't Xzavier protect him, too?
Would he?
Jaeho couldn't answer that. So he cried. And for the first time in a long time, when they settled, Jaeho allowed himself to melt into his old friend and just...sob. He tried to speak once before his voice hitched and he shook his head. No more. No more.
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