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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 5, 2016 19:50:01 GMT -5
Been watching this since post one. Looks like a cool fan fiction so far.  |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 5, 2016 19:52:59 GMT -5
Thank you so much! Means a lot!! I appreciate the commitment!  |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 5, 2016 19:58:17 GMT -5
I really like the prologue. Sounds like a great start. Looking forward to chapter 1. |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 5, 2016 20:14:23 GMT -5
Thank you! I'm super glad you like it! Chapter 1 should definitely be up some time later today! |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 5, 2016 20:18:32 GMT -5
Can't wait!
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 6, 2016 16:10:15 GMT -5
Bump! Chapter one up!
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 7, 2016 15:54:19 GMT -5
I'll go start reading now! |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 7, 2016 21:49:06 GMT -5
I hope you like it! Any sort of critique is accepted as well! Reviews too. c:
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 8, 2016 14:43:41 GMT -5
Maybe making the text a little bigger? I have to enlarge the screen to read the newest chapter. It just a suggestion. |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 8, 2016 15:05:34 GMT -5
I saw a few grammar mistakes in chapter 1, but nothing that another read through wouldn't catch. Chapter 1 was a really good intro to the story and I'm really looking forward to chapter 2. |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 8, 2016 17:25:51 GMT -5
Could you perhaps copy and paste them so I can fix them? And I will enlarge the text now! |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 8, 2016 19:27:43 GMT -5
Do you want the whole nitpicking edit or just the major stuff?
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 8, 2016 19:57:44 GMT -5
Whichever will help the most! I want to be able to make my story readable!
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 9, 2016 14:30:28 GMT -5
Nitpicking edit it is, hope this doesn't offend or anything:
Cedarstar said and flick her tail dismissively, and hopped off the short and big tree. (This sentence is a little confusing. She was standing on a short and big tree at once?)
Sandear said to her, giving her a comforting nuzzle before he stood up and proceeded to walk away. Spottedpaw then proceeded to stand up, turning around and walking through the crowd of cats and towards the apprentice den. (It's a little redundant to say proceed twice in two sentences.)
Splotchpaw merely sighed in response, "Maybe when we are warriors we could try ourselves? I don't know, I feel like this can be avoided. Anyway, we should go sleep. We got a busy day." (Maybe change the: Maybe when we are warriors we could try ourselves?
The 'could try ourselves' part sounds a little odd.)
Flamepaw and Spottedpaw then proceeded into the apprentice's den and then going their separate ways to their moss nests to sleep at. (Odd sentence. Maybe consider changing it a bit.)
He didn't approach others first usually, and she's heard him mention that he's horrible with social situation so he has a tough time with continuing conversations. (Changing usually into a similar word would make this sentence flow better.)
The good thing was the fox wasn't going into their territory, it was going the opposite. (Adding something to the end this sentence like the word 'way' or 'direction' would clear up some confusion.)
I think that was just about all of them. Hope this helped.
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 10, 2016 2:06:37 GMT -5
Thank you! It was not offensive at all actually. I'll go edit those parts! |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 10, 2016 13:13:39 GMT -5
I'm really looking forward to chapter 2 as well. I think my favorite character so far is Batpaw. Maybe? I don't know yet. |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 10, 2016 15:33:37 GMT -5
I'm super glad you're looking forward to it! And I'm glad you're liking Batpaw so far. You'll be seeing them all more soon! |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 10, 2016 15:34:53 GMT -5
Now the important question. Who should I draw fan art of first?  |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 10, 2016 21:28:24 GMT -5
That's so awesome that you're considering fan art! Thank you so much! |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 11, 2016 14:01:13 GMT -5
Of course! I love doing art, so it's how I show support of a fan fiction I like. I think I'll draw our main character first.  |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 11, 2016 21:29:20 GMT -5
Aww thank you soooooo much! <3 This means a lot. Whenever you finish, I'll showcase it on the first page! |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Aug 12, 2016 16:28:19 GMT -5
I finished it and it should be up in the next few days. |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 12, 2016 18:50:40 GMT -5
Awesome!! Take your time with putting it up! I really appreciate this, it's amazing. |
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Post by phantomstar57 on Aug 12, 2016 19:53:46 GMT -5
Story looks interesting. Not sure if anyone else said anything about paragraphing. You MUST do so with each new speaker or it gets confusing. Also left justification makes for easier reading.
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 12, 2016 21:09:33 GMT -5
Thank you for the tips! I was thinking my writing was looking messy but I wasn't sure on how to fix it. But thank you! I fixed it up and I hope it looks better. |
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Post by phantomstar57 on Aug 12, 2016 23:14:47 GMT -5
Thank you for the tips! I was thinking my writing was looking messy but I wasn't sure on how to fix it. But thank you! I fixed it up and I hope it looks better. |
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 13, 2016 5:51:08 GMT -5
Thank you so much!! I'm super glad you're interested so far. And I will fan you! thank you for your interest! And I'm glad I was able to clear it up more! |
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Post by phantomstar57 on Aug 13, 2016 9:57:55 GMT -5
Thank you so much!! I'm super glad you're interested so far. And I will fan you! thank you for your interest! And I'm glad I was able to clear it up more!
Yes the proper paragraphing helps a great deal. I'll be watching for updates.
I like how you've used several breeds of cats, tho i noted something and only because I love Maine coons and have owned them for over 20 years, Coonies don't have brown eyes. They range from the rare pale blue to a deep copper orange. In fact I think brown eye color is not found in domestic cats at all. The darkest they get is a deep orange-copper.
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Post by Jaguar on Aug 13, 2016 19:56:10 GMT -5
Yes! I loved variety! And thank you for that, I also wasn't sure if they could get brown eyes. I think I might've confused them with something else. But I'll change it to that. Thank you. I really appreciate the tips/information, it helps a lot. I'll try to get the next chapter done soon, it's pretty long because I'm trying to fit in as much as I can for the future chapters! It is getting there, so maybe today or in a couple more it'll be done! |
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Post by phantomstar57 on Aug 13, 2016 21:24:55 GMT -5
Yes! I loved variety! And thank you for that, I also wasn't sure if they could get brown eyes. I think I might've confused them with something else. But I'll change it to that. Thank you. I really appreciate the tips/information, it helps a lot. I'll try to get the next chapter done soon, it's pretty long because I'm trying to fit in as much as I can for the future chapters! It is getting there, so maybe today or in a couple more it'll be done! |
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