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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 16:01:08 GMT -5
this is a little punctuated memoir i'm gonna write about, well myself. here goes.
"hey, turn that off," my dad said. i was nine years old, curled on the corner of our scratchy couch with a blanket pulled up to my chin and a soda balanced precariously on my chubby leg. it was house hunters, and a couple was looking for something to buy. two women. i looked over my shoulder to his desk, where he hadn't even turned around. "why?" "they're gay. just turn it off." i did.
when i was twelve, i finally learned what gay meant in my math class, at my catholic school, taught by a woman who resembled a couch cushion. everyday we went into that stuffy, windowless room, eyes half closed with sleepiness as we slouched down into our chairs and jotted down math notes. i sat next to a girl, let's call her katie. she was cool, brought food into class, and we soon bonded over math problems and equally hating the class. one day, she set me up a tumblr, and followed a couple of blogs for me. i don't know what exactly i read, but i came across the word bisexual. what was that? "bisexual" i typed into the search bar on my laptop, biting at my lip as i picked up a handful of chips.
"bi-sexual 1. sexually attracted to both men and women."
huh. bisexual. i rolled it over in my mouth a couple of times, silently, since my family was sitting on the couch around me. i picked up my phone, not thinking twice as i texted my aunt, "hey, i think i'm bisexual." two months later, when she came to visit, she hugged me and called me her brave, lgbt girl. i didn't know why she would say that.
i blasted through seventh and eighth grade, chubby and acne covered, going to church every weekend. three people knew i was "A Gay." katie, my aunt, and my friend, let's call her piper.
the day i told piper i liked girls, it was over the notes on my phone. my dad and grandma were in the car. "hey, just so you know, i'm bisexual," i typed, "i like boys and girls. is that okay?" i handed her the phone. she read it, typed, and handed it back to me. "are you sure you're gay?" a knot formed in my throat. i glanced up at her, and she glanced away from me. we didn't talk for three weeks.
and then, we did. "have you been avoiding me?" "no," i said, scratching at the side of my face. that was a lie. "i know you have been," she said, "is this about what happened in the car?" i, after a moment, nodded. she gave me a hug. she told me she didn't have a problem with me being gay. she was just worried because being gay was a sin, and she didn't want my dad or anyone else to get mad at me.
being gay was a sin?
i went through eighth grade, acutely aware that i was some kind of weirdo. my friends started dating, talking about high school. i spent my time shooting glances at pretty girls out of the corners of my eyes (boys just didn't seem to like that fat girl with the pepperoni face) and then going home and praying to God that He not send me to hell because i just couldn't control myself. i was a good kid. i didn't really like girls. i was disgusting. i was gross. i was a sinner with a fetish for something weird, and no one would ever love me if i kept being The Gay, especially not God. i was destined to burn in hell, or so i figured.
it was that summer that a ninety year old priest changed my mind, as i sat in confession, bawling off my drugstore eyeliner and mascara as i told him i was A Gay, and that i knew i was going to hell, but i couldn't help myself. he put a hand on my shoulder, gave me a hug. "honey, who ever told you that gay people go to hell?" he asked, wrinkles around his eyes deepening as he stared at me. the priest at my church. my dad. my friends. my grandma. those were all things i wanted to say. i didn't. "God loves you. God loves everyone he creates, and God doesn't create mistakes. you are so loved, honey, gay or straight."
i left that summer camp i went to confession at happier than i'd ever been since i was twelve.
over that summer, the one between middle and high school, i changed a lot. i worked at a community theater, made a couple of new friends who were like me. they were lgbt. they weren't The Gays. we were just people. i lost weight, anxiety dwindling as i stopped binge eating. my hair thickened, stopped being lost from the constant stress. my acne started to go away too.
i went into high school, and made some more new friends. there was a girl that we'll call casey, and her girlfriend, and another couple that i'll let go as bethany and jane.
"dad, can i go to a baseball game with casey and her girlfriend?" i asked one day at dinner. my grandma's fork paused on the way to her mouth. my dad stared at me, glanced at my grandma, and then nodded with a soft smile. the matter wasn't further discussed, well, not until i started discussing it.
"dad, do you hate gay people?" "what? no. we're not ever supposed to hate anyone," he answered as he drove. "then why did you get so mad when them getting married was legalized?" i pushed, staring at him out of the corner of my eye. "it's a sin," he said after a pause, sounding just slightly perturbed. as to whether i perturbed him or the question did i'll never know. i sat for a second, and then said, "dad, if it had been illegal for you to love my mom, how would you have felt?" he didn't answer for a minute, and then we pulled into our garage. "you know, i wouldn't have been able to handle that," he said, and got out of the car.
now, a year later, my dad doesn't know i'm bisexual. i'm out at school and to half of my family and other friends. i still work at that theater where i made all of those friends. i'm happy. me and my dad went to church a couple of months back, and sat next to a gay couple. the two of them and my dad talked after church, smiling and joking, because the one had told my dad he had a lovely singing voice. "what a nice couple," my dad said simply, as we walked out of the building, i smiled.
basically, this whole thing was pointless, but i just wanted to say, you are loved. you are not gross. you are not a sinner. i believe we're all sinners, we all do bad things, but is it a bad thing to love? no, or at least i do not think it is. i cannot say, and neither can anyone who tells you that you are wrong, or gross, or that you have a fetish. i know that i truly experience love for women. it's a gift. i refuse to believe it's anything else. so, please, if you're ever feeling unloved, i love you. God loves you. everyone should love. because there's nothing wrong with who you are.
i'm bisexual, i'm catholic, and i'm proud. i love myself. i love you too.
god bless. keep fighting.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Nov 5, 2016 16:15:22 GMT -5
love you girl
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Post by Gengar on Nov 5, 2016 16:20:21 GMT -5
➳ for me it was more an eventual journey into accepting gay people (tho where I used to live, it was more ignored) and then hey I realized I was ace
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 16:40:51 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 16:41:19 GMT -5
➳ for me it was more an eventual journey into accepting gay people (tho where I used to live, it was more ignored) and then hey I realized I was ace hey i feel
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 17:17:05 GMT -5
this post makes me really happy, even though i cant relate (im an atheistic trans man who's ace/aro) but im just really happy that you've come to terms with yourself and you can be happy being you.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 17:30:17 GMT -5
this post makes me really happy, even though i cant relate (im an atheistic trans man who's ace/aro) but im just really happy that you've come to terms with yourself and you can be happy being you. thank you <3
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 17:37:03 GMT -5
<3 i teared up a lil ngl
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 17:38:03 GMT -5
aww no don't be teary bby
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Post by Suspicious Toast on Nov 5, 2016 18:31:39 GMT -5
Oops I'm late. That was an amazing story tbh I'm glad that youve been able to find happiness and to come to terms with yourself and others. I'm glad that you have the opportunity to meet so many people who love and support you.
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Post by nem on Nov 5, 2016 18:37:53 GMT -5
➳ for me it was more an eventual journey into accepting gay people (tho where I used to live, it was more ignored) and then hey I realized I was ace For me it was this: Parents: Your uncle is marrying a man. Me: Okay. Grandmother: *Freaking out in the background.* She won't understand!!11!
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Post by Ginz on Nov 5, 2016 18:39:19 GMT -5
if i had waited even a year before coming on the forums, i would've been what most people think of when they think of christians — homophobic, transphobic, etc. i had someone at church trying to convince me that being gay was indeed something to be born with but instead something to be treated like a disease. one day, in eighth grade, my friend told another friend, "if it weren't against my religion, i'd date you!" after that, i started questioning my faith — was i following a relgion that preached to not hate anyone, but when someone loved another who didn't follow the rules it was ok? i got online to talk to my friends who made a separate website to be away from the strict wcf. i expressed my doubts, and came to call myself agnostic. i tried to cling to what i had believed in my whole life, but i felt betrayed. i kept looking through the bible, and i found suspicious verses. a year or two later, on tumblr, i found a post that specified the verses, that it was for health reasons or to prevent the way misogyny was prevalent in relationships. it was too late, though. my faith had been shaken too much. i had been trying to find a place in a church again, one i felt comfortable, but it didn't feel like home anymore. along the way, i started doubting my gender. it started out with fanfics and me being like "ok so that seems familiar" and i kept being like "no, that's ridiculous. i'm just reading too many fanfics with transgender characters." at one point, i wanted to experiment. i asked my friend to start calling me kris and let me try on he/him pronouns, and i told my parents prematurely. the feeling subsided a little, since the name didn't stick. however, i was still looking into being transgender; whether it was out of curiosity or self-exploration, i wasn't sure at the time. eventually, i ran across a certain name: caden. i immediately thought, "woah, that's..." and i changed the spelling to kaidyn, which was similar to my birth name's spelling. he/him pronouns felt more comfortable, and i bought a binder and i got my hair cut. i started to feel more comfortable. somewhere along that time, i came to the decision, "i want to change the spelling to kaiden." it felt right, and i started feeling even more confident about who i was, apart fom the prevailent fact that i didn't want to come out at school (and by extension, risk being bullied and harrassed, what with all the horror stories of oppression i've read and heard about). my junior year, i had creative writing in the second semester, and one of my friends who i did an introduction icebreaker with helped me come out to the class. the teacher immediately accepted me once i confirmed that yes, what my friend said was true — i was trans and wanted that name and pronouns. i never got harrassed during the class once. it felt really good, and i loved the idea of coming out after that. ^ oops accidental coming to realize i'm trans story
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Post by Dollar store shampoo on Nov 5, 2016 18:43:45 GMT -5
this was so great, I'm glad you're happy now and your friends and family accept you
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Post by Ginz on Nov 5, 2016 18:46:58 GMT -5
oh and also that's awesome
ugh i need to get better about saying that stuff before going on about a similar thing about myself if i even should do that curse you self wtf
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 18:50:24 GMT -5
Oops I'm late. That was an amazing story tbh I'm glad that youve been able to find happiness and to come to terms with yourself and others. I'm glad that you have the opportunity to meet so many people who love and support you. thank you love <3
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 18:52:10 GMT -5
if i had waited even a year before coming on the forums, i would've been what most people think of when they think of christians — homophobic, transphobic, etc. i had someone at church trying to convince me that being gay was indeed something to be born with but instead something to be treated like a disease. one day, in eighth grade, my friend told another friend, "if it weren't against my religion, i'd date you!" after that, i started questioning my faith — was i following a relgion that preached to not hate anyone, but when someone loved another who didn't follow the rules it was ok? i got online to talk to my friends who made a separate website to be away from the strict wcf. i expressed my doubts, and came to call myself agnostic. i tried to cling to what i had believed in my whole life, but i felt betrayed. i kept looking through the bible, and i found suspicious verses. a year or two later, on tumblr, i found a post that specified the verses, that it was for health reasons or to prevent the way misogyny was prevalent in relationships. it was too late, though. my faith had been shaken too much. i had been trying to find a place in a church again, one i felt comfortable, but it didn't feel like home anymore. along the way, i started doubting my gender. it started out with fanfics and me being like "ok so that seems familiar" and i kept being like "no, that's ridiculous. i'm just reading too many fanfics with transgender characters." at one point, i wanted to experiment. i asked my friend to start calling me kris and let me try on he/him pronouns, and i told my parents prematurely. the feeling subsided a little, since the name didn't stick. however, i was still looking into being transgender; whether it was out of curiosity or self-exploration, i wasn't sure at the time. eventually, i ran across a certain name: caden. i immediately thought, "woah, that's..." and i changed the spelling to kaidyn, which was similar to my birth name's spelling. he/him pronouns felt more comfortable, and i bought a binder and i got my hair cut. i started to feel more comfortable. somewhere along that time, i came to the decision, "i want to change the spelling to kaiden." it felt right, and i started feeling even more confident about who i was, apart fom the prevailent fact that i didn't want to come out at school (and by extension, risk being bullied and harrassed, what with all the horror stories of oppression i've read and heard about). my junior year, i had creative writing in the second semester, and one of my friends who i did an introduction icebreaker with helped me come out to the class. the teacher immediately accepted me once i confirmed that yes, what my friend said was true — i was trans and wanted that name and pronouns. i never got harrassed during the class once. it felt really good, and i loved the idea of coming out after that. ^ oops accidental coming to realize i'm trans story i'm sorry that your experiences had to take you away from your religion katie, in the story, is now an atheist because of her sexually, and casey was catholic before she found out she was a lesbian. it sucks and people have to be around who tear people away from something that's for everyone.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 18:52:30 GMT -5
this was so great, I'm glad you're happy now and your friends and family accept you thank you pal!!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 19:05:32 GMT -5
www.google.com/amp/www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/04/08/pope-francis-the-catholic-church-will-never-accept-gay-unions/amp/?client=safariPraying for you and others like you from now on. I'm beginning to realize how serious this is - you all don't realize how life-threatening this is for your soul. And while I'm at it, I don't hate, have never hated, don't plan to ever hate gays. Actually I pity you and am outraged at the misinformed officials in the church that are leading innocents astray when they carelessly insist that homosexuality is okay and blessed by God. Wanna know God's opinions on homosexuality? Read about the destruction - no, complete annihilation - of Sodom and Gomorrah. Not trying to start something, just trying to save souls, I promise. I normally wouldn't try because I know the chance of persuading one of you is minimal and I'd rather not be banned just yet. But since you seem to be Catholic from this post I couldn't just pass it by.
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Bisexual
#e0a8ff
Name Colour
🎃❅❖.Şp໐໐kฯຟiຖ໓.❖❅🎃
THIS IS THE THRILLLLLLLLLLERRRRRRR, THRILLLERRRRR NIIIIIGHHHHTTTT 🎃
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Post by 🎃❅❖.Şp໐໐kฯຟiຖ໓.❖❅🎃 on Nov 5, 2016 19:07:08 GMT -5
Beautiful post. 👏👏
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 19:25:24 GMT -5
www.google.com/amp/www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/04/08/pope-francis-the-catholic-church-will-never-accept-gay-unions/amp/?client=safariPraying for you and others like you from now on. I'm beginning to realize how serious this is - you all don't realize how life-threatening this is for your soul. And while I'm at it, I don't hate, have never hated, don't plan to ever hate gays. Actually I pity you and am outraged at the misinformed officials in the church that are leading innocents astray when they carelessly insist that homosexuality is okay and blessed by God. Wanna know God's opinions on homosexuality? Read about the destruction - no, complete annihilation - of Sodom and Gomorrah. Not trying to start something, just trying to save souls, I promise. I normally wouldn't try because I know the chance of persuading one of you is minimal and I'd rather not be banned just yet. But since you seem to be Catholic from this post I couldn't just pass it by. sodom and gomorrah was labeled as a city of sin. it was not specified that it was destroyed due to homosexuality. in fact, why would lot have offered his daughters up the mob of 'homosexual' men when they asked to have relations with the angels that God had sent? of course, the destruction of the city could have been due to the prevalent homosexuality, but in the passage the people of sodom and gomorrah were also uncharitable and abusive to strangers and engaging in beastiality. in ezekeiel 16:49-50, God says, "now this was the sin of your sister sodom: she and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the needy. they were haughty and did detestable things before me. therefore i did away with them as you have seen." 'detestable things' could be sited as a reference to the homosexual actions of the people of sodom, but God never once in that phrase blatantly mentions the homosexual activity in sodom. plus, the actions of the people in sodom were lustful, and would be considered grave sin even in a straight person (r*pe, o*gy, sex while not in the bond of marriage, sex not intended to procreate, sex with animals, etc....) God loves me, gay or straight, because He made me this way, and i shall take it up with Him when i die, as will every other 'gay sinner' who has ever been on this earth.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 19:25:57 GMT -5
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Nov 5, 2016 19:32:14 GMT -5
torn between joining the scriptural discussion and just leaving this thread at its original purpose ngl
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 19:34:18 GMT -5
torn between joining the scriptural discussion and just leaving this thread at its original purpose ngl you could always put your thoughts on the christian thread you're really smart; i'd be interested to hear them
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 19:44:26 GMT -5
www.google.com/amp/www.pinknews.co.uk/2016/04/08/pope-francis-the-catholic-church-will-never-accept-gay-unions/amp/?client=safariPraying for you and others like you from now on. I'm beginning to realize how serious this is - you all don't realize how life-threatening this is for your soul. And while I'm at it, I don't hate, have never hated, don't plan to ever hate gays. Actually I pity you and am outraged at the misinformed officials in the church that are leading innocents astray when they carelessly insist that homosexuality is okay and blessed by God. Wanna know God's opinions on homosexuality? Read about the destruction - no, complete annihilation - of Sodom and Gomorrah. Not trying to start something, just trying to save souls, I promise. I normally wouldn't try because I know the chance of persuading one of you is minimal and I'd rather not be banned just yet. But since you seem to be Catholic from this post I couldn't just pass it by. sodom and gomorrah was labeled as a city of sin. it was not specified that it was destroyed due to homosexuality. in fact, why would lot have offered his daughters up the mob of 'homosexual' men when they asked to have relations with the angels that God had sent? of course, the destruction of the city could have been due to the prevalent homosexuality, but in the passage the people of sodom and gomorrah were also uncharitable and abusive to strangers and engaging in beastiality. in ezekeiel 16:49-50, God says, "now this was the sin of your sister sodom: she and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the needy. they were haughty and did detestable things before me. therefore i did away with them as you have seen." 'detestable things' could be sited as a reference to the homosexual actions of the people of sodom, but God never once in that phrase blatantly mentions the homosexual activity in sodom. plus, the actions of the people in sodom were lustful, and would be considered grave sin even in a straight person (r*pe, o*gy, sex while not in the bond of marriage, sex not intended to procreate, sex with animals, etc....) God loves me, gay or straight, because He made me this way, and i shall take it up with Him when i die, as will every other 'gay sinner' who has ever been on this earth. I'm not saying that homosexuality was the only evil being done there, but it's just one of the things that caused it to be wiped off the face of the earth. Ack, if only you knew what you were doing! Yes, God still loves you, but what you and all others who claim to have "other orientations" are adding more wounds to His Sacred Heart. Our Lord appeared to someone (It's been a while since I heard this, sorry) and said that the homosexual act is so disgusting to creation that it makes the demons themselves want to vomit. Give me a week or two and I'll get my sources together.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 19:50:12 GMT -5
sodom and gomorrah was labeled as a city of sin. it was not specified that it was destroyed due to homosexuality. in fact, why would lot have offered his daughters up the mob of 'homosexual' men when they asked to have relations with the angels that God had sent? of course, the destruction of the city could have been due to the prevalent homosexuality, but in the passage the people of sodom and gomorrah were also uncharitable and abusive to strangers and engaging in beastiality. in ezekeiel 16:49-50, God says, "now this was the sin of your sister sodom: she and her daughters were arrogant, overfed and unconcerned; they did not help the needy. they were haughty and did detestable things before me. therefore i did away with them as you have seen." 'detestable things' could be sited as a reference to the homosexual actions of the people of sodom, but God never once in that phrase blatantly mentions the homosexual activity in sodom. plus, the actions of the people in sodom were lustful, and would be considered grave sin even in a straight person (r*pe, o*gy, sex while not in the bond of marriage, sex not intended to procreate, sex with animals, etc....) God loves me, gay or straight, because He made me this way, and i shall take it up with Him when i die, as will every other 'gay sinner' who has ever been on this earth. I'm not saying that homosexuality was the only evil being done there, but it's just one of the things that caused it to be wiped off the face of the earth. Ack, if only you knew what you were doing! Yes, God still loves you, but what you and all others who claim to have "other orientations" are adding more wounds to His Sacred Heart. Our Lord appeared to someone (It's been a while since I heard this, sorry) and said that the homosexual act is so disgusting to creation that it makes the demons themselves want to vomit. Give me a week or two and I'll get my sources together. excuse me, whoever told you my current sexual and relationship status? i'm currently seeing a male, and though i have been sexual with women in the past, i've been to confession. also, unless this claim of Jesus coming to some person and telling them about demons vomiting at homosexuality has been verified by the Vatican, i think that i'm going to take the liberty to say that it's probably not viable. and also, i don't claim, i am, sweetheart. get off my thread. this isn't what this is for. if you want to talk with me, go to my pms. bye.
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Post by trickster ♥ on Nov 5, 2016 21:56:10 GMT -5
ngl, I'm tearing up a bit bc this is beautiful and I can somewhat relate
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 21:56:31 GMT -5
ngl, I'm tearing up a bit bc this is beautiful and I can somewhat relate thanks babe <3
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Post by qυeeɴ oғ ɢнoѕтlιɴɢѕ on Nov 5, 2016 22:04:27 GMT -5
This is a beautiful thread and its amazing. I relate to growing up hearing it was a sin so it's nice to see someone else having heard that.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 5, 2016 22:55:13 GMT -5
I'm not saying that homosexuality was the only evil being done there, but it's just one of the things that caused it to be wiped off the face of the earth. Ack, if only you knew what you were doing! Yes, God still loves you, but what you and all others who claim to have "other orientations" are adding more wounds to His Sacred Heart. Our Lord appeared to someone (It's been a while since I heard this, sorry) and said that the homosexual act is so disgusting to creation that it makes the demons themselves want to vomit. Give me a week or two and I'll get my sources together. excuse me, whoever told you my current sexual and relationship status? i'm currently seeing a male, and though i have been sexual with women in the past, i've been to confession. also, unless this claim of Jesus coming to some person and telling them about demons vomiting at homosexuality has been verified by the Vatican, i think that i'm going to take the liberty to say that it's probably not viable. and also, i don't claim, i am, sweetheart. get off my thread. this isn't what this is for. if you want to talk with me, go to my pms. bye. Alright I could have sworn I replied to this...but oh well I'll say it again. I wasn't accusing you, just giving a word of warning / trivia that I found interesting when I first heard it. As far as if that is true / approve by the Vatican, I said I would check up on that. I'm pretty sure Our Lord said that to St. Mary Margaret Aloque during the Sacred Heart Apparitions, but I can't say for sure, thus I asked for a week to ask the priest I heard it from. Other sexualities are nonexistent, so that's why I said claim. Because it's all in your (general you) head. And I was already leaving but whatever I'll leave you alone. I've said what I came for. Once more, I didn't come because I hate gays or any of that nonsense. I came to this thread because you said you were Catholic, and I felt obligated to defend the truth. No hard feelings! I don't mind ~ Splashy, signing out
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Post by tiger beetle on Nov 5, 2016 22:57:49 GMT -5
look splashy how about you stop going on threads and telling people they shouldn't love themselves like can you at least do that much to pretend you don't hate them
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