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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2019 21:08:40 GMT -5
So, my sister has just told me that she's thinking about going to school to be a mechanic, while still working full time.
I know I should be happy for her, that she's following her dreams or whatever, but that will give her even less time to spend with her six month old child.
Already it feels like she doesn't spend enough time with him, and adding school onto top of that?
She says it will only be six months to a year, but that's still a VERY long time, especially with a kid so young, like the kid already has more of an attachment to me than his parents, and that's not good at all.
I told her that she should think about her child, and she said she is thinking about her child, and this is why she's doing this, because it will be better for him in the long run.
I feel like such a bad person, saying that she can't do something just because she has a baby, but I really think that it's not good this early in his life.
Plus, what if she goes through all this and later decides she doesn't want to be a mechanic, and it's all for nothing?
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Bisexual
#e0a8ff
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🎃❅❖.Şp໐໐kฯຟiຖ໓.❖❅🎃
THIS IS THE THRILLLLLLLLLLERRRRRRR, THRILLLERRRRR NIIIIIGHHHHTTTT 🎃
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Post by 🎃❅❖.Şp໐໐kฯຟiຖ໓.❖❅🎃 on Dec 5, 2019 23:27:26 GMT -5
Your concerns are valid and it's very sad that you're the one who has the child's best interests at heart.
If theres anyway you can convince your sister to actually be a mother.. please do. Schooling only makes being a parent that much more harder.
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Post by Banned from the original WCF on Dec 6, 2019 0:39:12 GMT -5
I think you should look at it from a different perspective.
I agree, getting a better education is very beneficial in the long run. The earlier you do it, the better the payoff. Financial support is always helpful. However its assuming that the money is put towards the child, not personal enjoyment.
My mother was a working mother, and I spent only about 4-5 hours with her everyday because of her job. Same goes for my dad. I have a pretty good relationship with them though, regardless of the time spent during my earlier years.
It really comes down to the environment the baby is in. Is it chaotic/stressful? The child is going to come out that way, and get worse as time goes on. You shouldn't be worried about attachment more than the situation itself.
In my case, I was raised in a very stable environment. Sure, I know people that are way more open with their parents than I am, but it's hard to tell if its personality or an actual consequence of working parents. At the very least, I'm respectful towards them.
Although, with the things you've mentioned about your sister before, I'm not sure if the situation there is alright in the first place. She needs to realize that stability is extremely important in a family. Nothing is ever going to be picture perfect of course, but its not ok to constantly make radical decisions like this. If there's a justifiable reason to do these things, she better also come up with a good support system for the child.
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Post by Turin not Torino on Dec 6, 2019 1:49:13 GMT -5
If she actually follows through and becomes a mechanic it is in the end what's best for a child. That she does this now while the child has no memories is good, because then once it does start to have them, it will be the memories of his mom working and taking care of him. I know it sucks for you now since you are the one stuck taking care of the child, but she is trying to work towards a future, one where she won't necessarily have to depend on family to bail her out. Income means eventual independence, and with a mechanic's job, that means she would be home in the evenings, which is when it really matters once the child reaches school age (I know that seems a long way away, but it's really not). For her to stick with what I'm assuming is a menial job just so she has time with the baby now means she's never going to move ahead, never going to move out, never going to stop relying on family to bail her out. I know I've seen posts before about how she just goes out and does her thing at times when she COULD be watching the baby, and that is selfishness, but trying to lay a foundation to take care of it is not. The older she gets, the harder it will be for her to get the motivation to try to better her life, so I say she should go for it now, while she's still enthusiastic about it.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 9:59:50 GMT -5
🎃❅❖.Şp໐໐kฯຟiຖ໓.❖❅🎃Yeah, and with her going to school AND working full time, I just don't see how that's possible, she already works 12 hours a day, I don't see how she can fit school into that as well. Banned from the original WCFWell, right now I'm the one who looks after the baby the most, and if she starts going to school as well as working full-time, I'll have to watch him even more. I'm really not the best person to be looking after a baby, I'm the least affectionate person I know, and that's not good. Turin not TorinoThat's true, but it's not like she doesn't make a lot already, she makes enough for her and her child to live comfortably, even without the help of her husband. She's a CNA and works in a nursing home.
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Post by Leapkit on Dec 6, 2019 10:26:44 GMT -5
>works in a nursing home >wont take care of her groinspawn
sounds like the exact kind of person i wouldnt want to take care of the elderly. ☕
Has she thought about daycare when he's old enough?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 10:49:18 GMT -5
>works in a nursing home >wont take care of her groinspawn sounds like the exact kind of person i wouldnt want to take care of the elderly. ☕ Has she thought about daycare when he's old enough? She is 100% against daycares, and it doesn't help that all these stories about horrible daycares are being shown in the news Lol groinspawn
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Post by Leapkit on Dec 6, 2019 11:22:25 GMT -5
How is he being socialized right now?
Some daycares can be sketchy but it is 100% important to socialize the baby not only with adults but with ones his own age.
My family didn't ever put me in daycare, preschool, or have me out of the house much and I can say with near certainty that it caused MAJOR consequences and behavioral issues lasting well into my teens.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 11:25:29 GMT -5
How is he being socialized right now? Some daycares can be sketchy but it is 100% important to socialize the baby not only with adults but with ones his own age. My family didn't ever put me in daycare, preschool, or have me out of the house much and I can say with near certainty that it caused MAJOR consequences and behavioral issues lasting well into my teens. He sometimes goes to a friend of ours who has a daughter who is two months older than him. That's about it. She plans on home schooling him too, so yeah
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Post by Leapkit on Dec 6, 2019 11:57:42 GMT -5
eek...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 12:11:32 GMT -5
I don't really know how she's going to manage it but eh
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Post by Banned from the original WCF on Dec 6, 2019 12:44:05 GMT -5
Banned from the original WCF Well, right now I'm the one who looks after the baby the most, and if she starts going to school as well as working full-time, I'll have to watch him even more. I'm really not the best person to be looking after a baby, I'm the least affectionate person I know, and that's not good. Alright that's a big problem then. I don't think anyone apart from parents themselves should look after kids that young.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 12:56:54 GMT -5
Banned from the original WCF Well, right now I'm the one who looks after the baby the most, and if she starts going to school as well as working full-time, I'll have to watch him even more. I'm really not the best person to be looking after a baby, I'm the least affectionate person I know, and that's not good. Alright that's a big problem then. I don't think anyone apart from parents themselves should look after kids that young. I feel bad for saying this, but I feel so trapped taking care of this baby, it's like my whole life now revolves around him, which I mean, that's just how it is, babies need a lot of time and care, but he's not my baby. I just don't like children, they're loud, chaotic, they don't listen very well, which is understandable since he's just a baby and he doesn't know anything yet, but it's really frustrating. I mean, I'm not going to be mean to him or anything, or neglect his needs, or anything like that, but I just don't like children, I never have.
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Post by 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 on Dec 6, 2019 13:51:33 GMT -5
It's really frustrating to see you get taken advantage of like this, and we can't even do anything to help. I truly hope things start working out for you, but until you do something to stand up for yourself I'm not sure anything will. You are completely justified in your resentment and in feeling trapped!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 13:54:07 GMT -5
It's really frustrating to see you get taken advantage of like this, and we can't even do anything to help. I truly hope things start working out for you, but until you do something to stand up for yourself I'm not sure anything will. You are completely justified in your resentment and in feeling trapped! Thanks I've honestly tried, like I told my sister that I reallly don't want to look after him when she decides to go out, and she's like, "It won't be that long." and then she just leaves before I can really say anything else, and it's not like I'm just going to ditch a helpless child
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Post by Turin not Torino on Dec 6, 2019 14:06:33 GMT -5
Chicken I have always thought that you were unfairly saddled with this baby, which is a huge pet peeve of mine since my brother and his wife have done the same thing to my mom with their daughter. Sad part is he doesn't even work, so there's really no reason he can't take care of her (for the record, she just turned 7, so this has been going on for YEARS). It's not fair that you don't get to live your life while you're young. I thought she might have a menial, low income job and that a mechanic's job would change their world, but if she's already capable of providing a future and just doesn't out of pure selfishness, that's a different story. It's not like CNA's are in danger of being replaced by machines either - they're going to end up being more in demand than ever as the next generation starts to age. Leapkit I am SO GLAD I didn't know that word 3 months ago. My mom went postal when I referred to my niece as my brother's spawn - she probably would've disowned me for that one.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 14:13:45 GMT -5
Turin not TorinoWow, I'm really sorry that your brother and his wife did the same thing She actually has a really good job, she's well liked by all the residents and her boss, and most of her co-workers, she recently got a raise, but now she's decided she wants to be a mechanic, because she's tired of working with people. She's been a CNA for like five years now, she took votech classes for it, and I understand it's hard, and tiring, but she said it was her dream career. And I get that people change their minds all the time, especially when they're young, but I'm just worried that she won't like being a mechanic, she has a very short temper with technology and stuff like that, and if she can't figure it out in like 5 minutes, she either asks her husband for help, or starts getting all agitated. I suppose she could learn how to do it herself with schooling, but yeah, I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket, or count my chickens before they hatch. It could just be our outlook on life, my sister is super optimistic and believes that everything will work out, and all that. I'm a pessimist
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Post by Sand on Dec 6, 2019 17:55:44 GMT -5
I hope your sister realizes that being a mechanic doesn’t mean you won’t work with people. In any job, you will encounter other people. If that’s her only reason for becoming a mechanic, it could be a waste of time & money. I feel bad for the child, yes, but I highly doubt he’ll remember the first few years of his life. It’s unfair you’ve become his top provider as you’re not his parent.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2019 18:08:49 GMT -5
I hope your sister realizes that being a mechanic doesn’t mean you won’t work with people. In any job, you will encounter other people. If that’s her only reason for becoming a mechanic, it could be a waste of time & money. I feel bad for the child, yes, but I highly doubt he’ll remember the first few years of his life. It’s unfair you’ve become his top provider as you’re not his parent. She says she likes working with cars, but whenever she does do that, she always has to get her husband to help. But who knows, maybe she'll learn, I just hope she doesn't end up hating it. That's true that he won't remember the first few years of his life, but she will, she's already upset about how fast he's growing up and what not
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Post by wildshadow2 on Dec 7, 2019 9:50:04 GMT -5
I hope your sister realizes that being a mechanic doesn’t mean you won’t work with people. In any job, you will encounter other people. If that’s her only reason for becoming a mechanic, it could be a waste of time & money. I feel bad for the child, yes, but I highly doubt he’ll remember the first few years of his life. It’s unfair you’ve become his top provider as you’re not his parent. She says she likes working with cars, but whenever she does do that, she always has to get her husband to help. But who knows, maybe she'll learn, I just hope she doesn't end up hating it. That's true that he won't remember the first few years of his life, but she will, she's already upset about how fast he's growing up and what not Also, the first years of a human’s life are suuuper important developmentally, and it can really mess someone up for the rest of their life if they’re not given what they need. And they need social interaction, and physical touch—not just from anyone, either, but specifically from the mother. The baby learns how to bond and trust and things, it’s really important. I’m pretty sure babies left without physical touch, especially from their parents, die because of it. Not that I think that’s what’s going to happen here, but the things that we in our teenage/adult life don’t need quite so much are literally necessities to babies. Idk what to tell you. This isn’t a great situation. I’m worried about what it’ll do to the child later on in its life—what happens in the first few years affect the rest of their life more than we often realize
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 11:55:43 GMT -5
She says she likes working with cars, but whenever she does do that, she always has to get her husband to help. But who knows, maybe she'll learn, I just hope she doesn't end up hating it. That's true that he won't remember the first few years of his life, but she will, she's already upset about how fast he's growing up and what not Also, the first years of a human’s life are suuuper important developmentally, and it can really mess someone up for the rest of their life if they’re not given what they need. And they need social interaction, and physical touch—not just from anyone, either, but specifically from the mother. The baby learns how to bond and trust and things, it’s really important. I’m pretty sure babies left without physical touch, especially from their parents, die because of it. Not that I think that’s what’s going to happen here, but the things that we in our teenage/adult life don’t need quite so much are literally necessities to babies. Idk what to tell you. This isn’t a great situation. I’m worried about what it’ll do to the child later on in its life—what happens in the first few years affect the rest of their life more than we often realize He does get physical touch, and everytime he goes to the doctor he says he's perfectly healthy and is doing fantastic, so I hope he's not in any risk of dying
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Post by wildshadow2 on Dec 7, 2019 13:51:10 GMT -5
Also, the first years of a human’s life are suuuper important developmentally, and it can really mess someone up for the rest of their life if they’re not given what they need. And they need social interaction, and physical touch—not just from anyone, either, but specifically from the mother. The baby learns how to bond and trust and things, it’s really important. I’m pretty sure babies left without physical touch, especially from their parents, die because of it. Not that I think that’s what’s going to happen here, but the things that we in our teenage/adult life don’t need quite so much are literally necessities to babies. Idk what to tell you. This isn’t a great situation. I’m worried about what it’ll do to the child later on in its life—what happens in the first few years affect the rest of their life more than we often realize He does get physical touch, and everytime he goes to the doctor he says he's perfectly healthy and is doing fantastic, so I hope he's not in any risk of dying Oh no no no, i didnt mean i think hes in physical danger, but I’m just concerned about mental/emotional stuff further down the road. No, I don’t think he’s in any danger, but the mother/child connection is super important and I’m worried he’s not getting that as much as he’s needing. If that makes sense
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 13:53:07 GMT -5
He does get physical touch, and everytime he goes to the doctor he says he's perfectly healthy and is doing fantastic, so I hope he's not in any risk of dying Oh no no no, i didnt mean i think hes in physical danger, but I’m just concerned about mental/emotional stuff further down the road. No, I don’t think he’s in any danger, but the mother/child connection is super important and I’m worried he’s not getting that as much as he’s needing. If that makes sense Ohhhhh, okay, I got a little worried for a moment. I'm worried about that too, I worried that he's going to grow up with problems that will affect him and stuff
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Post by wildshadow2 on Dec 7, 2019 13:58:26 GMT -5
Oh no no no, i didnt mean i think hes in physical danger, but I’m just concerned about mental/emotional stuff further down the road. No, I don’t think he’s in any danger, but the mother/child connection is super important and I’m worried he’s not getting that as much as he’s needing. If that makes sense Ohhhhh, okay, I got a little worried for a moment. I'm worried about that too, I worried that he's going to grow up with problems that will affect him and stuff Yeah, sorry for not being more clear at first! This would be later on in life, but you also said she’s wanting to homeschool him (how would that work if she works all the time?). I was homeschooled, and it can be fine social-wise, but it has to be consciously done. Like we had a bunch of families that we would meet with and learn history, read books, math, science experiments, stuff like that together a few times a week. I also did acting and things with the local high school, and knowing me, that was a much better set up for me than it would have been for me to be public schooled. But my mom and dad were really consciously making sure we had friends and that we got to be with people our own age several times a week, and so it was okay. Do you think she’d do anything like that? Cause I’ve seen other people who’ve been homeschooled and their parents didn’t take that care as seriously as they should have, and those kids really struggled with social stuff and connecting to others, and they felt really lonely a lot of the time
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 14:03:07 GMT -5
Ohhhhh, okay, I got a little worried for a moment. I'm worried about that too, I worried that he's going to grow up with problems that will affect him and stuff Yeah, sorry for not being more clear at first! This would be later on in life, but you also said she’s wanting to homeschool him (how would that work if she works all the time?). I was homeschooled, and it can be fine social-wise, but it has to be consciously done. Like we had a bunch of families that we would meet with and learn history, read books, math, science experiments, stuff like that together a few times a week. I also did acting and things with the local high school, and knowing me, that was a much better set up for me than it would have been for me to be public schooled. But my mom and dad were really consciously making sure we had friends and that we got to be with people our own age several times a week, and so it was okay. Do you think she’d do anything like that? Cause I’ve seen other people who’ve been homeschooled and their parents didn’t take that care as seriously as they should have, and those kids really struggled with social stuff and connecting to others, and they felt really lonely a lot of the time It's alright She wants me to teach him, and while I think that'd be really fun, I think you have to have a special licence to do that or something. I have no idea what her plans are regarding that, perhaps she'll get him into the world of online gaming and allow his social skills to bloom there lol
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Post by wildshadow2 on Dec 7, 2019 14:13:07 GMT -5
Yeah, sorry for not being more clear at first! This would be later on in life, but you also said she’s wanting to homeschool him (how would that work if she works all the time?). I was homeschooled, and it can be fine social-wise, but it has to be consciously done. Like we had a bunch of families that we would meet with and learn history, read books, math, science experiments, stuff like that together a few times a week. I also did acting and things with the local high school, and knowing me, that was a much better set up for me than it would have been for me to be public schooled. But my mom and dad were really consciously making sure we had friends and that we got to be with people our own age several times a week, and so it was okay. Do you think she’d do anything like that? Cause I’ve seen other people who’ve been homeschooled and their parents didn’t take that care as seriously as they should have, and those kids really struggled with social stuff and connecting to others, and they felt really lonely a lot of the time It's alright She wants me to teach him, and while I think that'd be really fun, I think you have to have a special licence to do that or something. I have no idea what her plans are regarding that, perhaps she'll get him into the world of online gaming and allow his social skills to bloom there lol ...it sounds like she’s wanting you to be a third parent to this kid, homeschooling takes an enormous amount of work if you do it right. You don’t techncially have to have any liscenses, but to do the kid justice, you need to know what you’re doing. And they have to pass end of the year tests for you to be allowed to continue homeschooling, too. I don’t want to like...impose or anything, but can I ask how old you are? Because if you’re the age most people here are, then you should be starting your own life, you don’t need to have a child to take care of
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 14:16:45 GMT -5
It's alright She wants me to teach him, and while I think that'd be really fun, I think you have to have a special licence to do that or something. I have no idea what her plans are regarding that, perhaps she'll get him into the world of online gaming and allow his social skills to bloom there lol ...it sounds like she’s wanting you to be a third parent to this kid, homeschooling takes an enormous amount of work if you do it right. You don’t techncially have to have any liscenses, but to do the kid justice, you need to know what you’re doing. And they have to pass end of the year tests for you to be allowed to continue homeschooling, too. I don’t want to like...impose or anything, but can I ask how old you are? Because if you’re the age most people here are, then you should be starting your own life, you don’t need to have a child to take care of Sometimes I feel more like a first, or even a second parent, I probably spend more time with him than both his parents combined. Really, I'm intrigued now. I might come off as a little dumb on here, but I'm actually not too shabby when it comes to school work, and I love to teach other people things I know, but I have a problem coming off as too much of a know it all I guess, so I try to dial it back a little. I'll be 19 this month, how old are you?
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Post by wildshadow2 on Dec 7, 2019 14:25:19 GMT -5
...it sounds like she’s wanting you to be a third parent to this kid, homeschooling takes an enormous amount of work if you do it right. You don’t techncially have to have any liscenses, but to do the kid justice, you need to know what you’re doing. And they have to pass end of the year tests for you to be allowed to continue homeschooling, too. I don’t want to like...impose or anything, but can I ask how old you are? Because if you’re the age most people here are, then you should be starting your own life, you don’t need to have a child to take care of Sometimes I feel more like a first, or even a second parent, I probably spend more time with him than both his parents combined. Really, I'm intrigued now. I might come off as a little dumb on here, but I'm actually not too shabby when it comes to school work, and I love to teach other people things I know, but I have a problem coming off as too much of a know it all I guess, so I try to dial it back a little. I'll be 19 this month, how old are you? I turned 19 in September, so we’re about the same age, cool. But yeah, you should be going to college or whatever you’re doing in your life, starting who you are, not taking care of your nephew like he’s your own child. Idk, in my opinion, I think it’s pretty messed up that your sister’s putting so much of her responsibility on you. Teaching someone who already has a decent basis of knowledge is one thing, but teaching someone how to read and the alphabet and counting and all those really fundamental things is something else entirely. It’s a whole new skill to learn, just teaching it. I get what you mean—I’m a TA/tutor for philosophy courses at the school I’m at, and so I spend a lot of time teaching other people things, but getting those really foundational skills taught isn’t the same thing. Watching my mom teach my younger siblings how to do basic math and reading and things has shown me that, for sure. I caught onto reading really fast, but a lot of people struggle, and if your nephew struggles at all, it’ll be so much more difficult for you to teach him. I’m sure you’re smart, and you don’t come across dumb! Not at all. But it’s not really how smart you are, it’s learning how to teach reading and writing and addition and counting and all those things, it’s way harder than most of us think. Elementary school teachers have to have special training and courses for those things
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2019 14:30:56 GMT -5
Sometimes I feel more like a first, or even a second parent, I probably spend more time with him than both his parents combined. Really, I'm intrigued now. I might come off as a little dumb on here, but I'm actually not too shabby when it comes to school work, and I love to teach other people things I know, but I have a problem coming off as too much of a know it all I guess, so I try to dial it back a little. I'll be 19 this month, how old are you? I turned 19 in September, so we’re about the same age, cool. But yeah, you should be going to college or whatever you’re doing in your life, starting who you are, not taking care of your nephew like he’s your own child. Idk, in my opinion, I think it’s pretty messed up that your sister’s putting so much of her responsibility on you. Teaching someone who already has a decent basis of knowledge is one thing, but teaching someone how to read and the alphabet and counting and all those really fundamental things is something else entirely. It’s a whole new skill to learn, just teaching it. I get what you mean—I’m a TA/tutor for philosophy courses at the school I’m at, and so I spend a lot of time teaching other people things, but getting those really foundational skills taught isn’t the same thing. Watching my mom teach my younger siblings how to do basic math and reading and things has shown me that, for sure. I caught onto reading really fast, but a lot of people struggle, and if your nephew struggles at all, it’ll be so much more difficult for you to teach him. I’m sure you’re smart, and you don’t come across dumb! Not at all. But it’s not really how smart you are, it’s learning how to teach reading and writing and addition and counting and all those things, it’s way harder than most of us think. Elementary school teachers have to have special training and courses for those things Thanks I've actually taught my younger cousin how to read, but all the other stuff, idk, I'm a lot less patient than I used to be, so it might not be the best thing. I know, but I can't just ditch my nephew like that, or my sister. The girl who said she'd love to babysit him alll the time, has decided that she doesn't want to anymore, because she thinks boy babies are just awful, and wayyy worse than girl babies, which I find to be stupid. I might be a sucker, but I can't just turn my back on someone when they need help, even if I don't like them much
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Post by wildshadow2 on Dec 7, 2019 14:37:53 GMT -5
Ok so maybe it would work out alright, then. It definitely does take a lot of patience, but you’re not a complete newbie at it
Just don’t forget about yourself. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, and you have to figure out who you want to be. I understand not leaving and wanting to help, but you have to help yourself, too. Could you talk to your sister about this? Does she listen well? Tell her your concerns and frustrations and how you feel—it’s her child, she shouldn’t be putting him off on you. Honestly, sometimes helping another person means telling it to them completely straight, even if it’ll hurt them. Your sister needs to take responsibility for her choices
You’re a good person, and you’re doing good things. Remember you have duties to yourself, too
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