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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:15:36 GMT -5
And I'm going to be blunt. You have been warned.
It really bothers me on OTD how so many vent topics have been ignored recently. An example that happened recently was when someone posted a vent topic, but no one replied. I've actually seen someone try to defend these people saying they probably didn't see it (I'm sure they're a sweet person, I have nothing against them) but that topic already had more than 20 views. People were screwing around on other topics.
I'm going to be blunt now.
When someone needs support, you need to talk to them. What if they were depressed? What if they've had a bad day? How would you feel, if you had an awful day, only for your topic to be ignored, when OTD is the only place you can talk to people?
This is why I don't vent on here anymore. My topics almost always get ignored. Yet when either the popular people or a random, pointless topic has been posted, they go on there instead.
Do people just not care on here?
It disappoints me a lot when I don't see much others helping. People have to actually say things like "wow no one replied? I'm sad" to get their attention.
I felt awful when I was ignored on here once when I posted a vent, because I actually needed someone. No one else was on that I knew. But people were on here, yet no one replied to me.
I can understand if people feel awkward. But if others are just messing around, you all have no excuse. Talk to that person if they need help. Be there for them. Who knows, maybe you'll have a good reputation for being a supportive person.
I'm just really fed up with this. I'm sorry if I've hurt people's feelings, but I have warned you that I was going to be harsh. I know how it feels to be ignored. It makes you feel unwanted. It makes you feel like no one cares. Help others when they need it. Don't ignore vent topics anymore.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:18:52 GMT -5
going to be honest here as well I usually avoid vent threads not because I don't care, but because I'm not very good at advice and will probably only make the situation worse. I'd really want to help if I could, but the only thing I ever do really is make things worse than they already are so I decide it's best for others if I don't interact
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:20:56 GMT -5
tbh i tend to avoid vent threads unless i feel i have the emotional energy and time to actually help bc 1. i have my own stuff going on. i know that sounds rude but i'm Tired with my own stuff rn. if i had the emotional energy to spare i would help people but i have mental and physical health problems as well as being a full-time student. believe me i want to help but 2. i'm not good at giving advice and oftentimes what ppl are venting about is out of my league/experiences so i can't rlly offer anything beyond "dude that sucks sorry"
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:21:18 GMT -5
going to be honest here as well I usually avoid vent threads not because I don't care, but because I'm not very good at advice and will probably only make the situation worse. I'd really want to help if I could, but the only thing I ever do really is make things worse than they already are so I decide it's best for others if I don't interact Like I said, feeling awkward is fine, as I am awkward myself. But I'm honestly kind of peeved when people do know how to speak out, but choose not to I'm just kinda disappointed that OTD isn't really a place you can rely on support
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Post by indecisive on Sept 4, 2017 20:22:09 GMT -5
I feel like a hypocrite for agreeing with you, since I often click on vent threads but don't post because I don't know what to say. I think for most people, it's not so much feeling awkward, but not knowing how to respond or worrying they might say something that would make the situation worse. I sympathize with half the vent threads on OTD, and the other half I can't relate to at all. I always want to say something comforting or supportive, but I don't know how to comfort. I'm not defending myself or anyone else, but I think that's why a lot of people don't post on vent threads.
I do agree wholeheartedly with you though, sometimes it just makes you feel worse and even more alone when nobody replies. It feels like no one's listening. Again, I'm a hypocrite for saying this, but thanks for calling it to attention. I think this is something we could all work on at least a little bit.
If somebody is having serious trouble, though, they should not rely on OTD for support.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:24:53 GMT -5
going to be honest here as well I usually avoid vent threads not because I don't care, but because I'm not very good at advice and will probably only make the situation worse. I'd really want to help if I could, but the only thing I ever do really is make things worse than they already are so I decide it's best for others if I don't interact Like I said, feeling awkward is fine, as I am awkward myself. But I'm honestly kind of peeved when people do know how to speak out, but choose not to I'm just kinda disappointed that OTD isn't really a place you can rely on support it's not that I feel awkward. It's that I know fully well I won't be able to help at all and that if anything I'll make it worse just as I always do. There's a bit of a difference there, I think
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:25:19 GMT -5
I feel like a hypocrite for agreeing with you, since I often click on vent threads but don't post because I don't know what to say. I think for most people, it's not so much feeling awkward, but not knowing how to respond or worrying they might say something that would make the situation worse. I sympathize with half the vent threads on OTD, and the other half I can't relate to at all. I always want to say something comforting or supportive, but I don't know how to comfort. I'm not defending myself or anyone else, but I think that's why a lot of people don't post on vent threads.
I do agree wholeheartedly with you though, sometimes it just makes you feel worse and even more alone when nobody replies. It feels like nobody's listening. Again, I'm a hypocrite for saying this, but thanks for it calling it to attention. I think this is something we could all work on at least a little bit.
If somebody is having serious trouble, though, they should not rely on OTD for support. I've just been seeing it happening so often lately.. yet on other topics I see well-written descriptions, sometimes it's clear as day those people are being ignored. Kind of saddens me no one is there for people anymore. I started to say something on the topics myself, but it's been happening so often that I felt the need to say something myself.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:26:42 GMT -5
Like I said, feeling awkward is fine, as I am awkward myself. But I'm honestly kind of peeved when people do know how to speak out, but choose not to I'm just kinda disappointed that OTD isn't really a place you can rely on support it's not that I feel awkward. It's that I know fully well I won't be able to help at all and that if anything I'll make it worse just as I always do. There's a bit of a difference there, I think I suppose I understand. But sometimes saying something is better than saying nothing at all, as long as you're not mean to them (which I'm sure you aren't, but you get what I mean).
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:43:10 GMT -5
Most people don't know what to say or how to help, especially if they didn't know that person well Like I said though, sometimes it's nice to be heard, even if it's not much help.
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Post by ❴ ғα∂ιηg ✦ яεαℓιтү ❵ on Sept 4, 2017 20:43:12 GMT -5
I try to show how I do support people whether I know what to say or not but lately I feel like people dont want me to say anything so I've just stopped responding for the most part
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Post by mickle on Sept 4, 2017 20:53:37 GMT -5
thread idea: massive vent hub where there are volunteer advice givers to people who stop by and vent, or people can opt out of advice and just say what they need to
but, ya know, i am unfortunately lazy and deprived of time.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 20:55:52 GMT -5
thread idea: massive vent hub where there are volunteer advice givers to people who stop by and vent, or people can opt out of advice and just say what they need to but, ya know, i am unfortunately lazy and deprived of time. ppl have tried to do that in the past and it always either devolves into 1. an argument that gets it deleted; usually the argument is started when someone's "advice" is really rude 2. a group of friends helping each other out and if you're not part of that group of friends you might as well not post there at all 3. people commenting that others' problems "aren't that bad" and thus aren't worthy of help
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Post by mickle on Sept 4, 2017 20:56:49 GMT -5
thread idea: massive vent hub where there are volunteer advice givers to people who stop by and vent, or people can opt out of advice and just say what they need to but, ya know, i am unfortunately lazy and deprived of time. ppl have tried to do that in the past and it always either devolves into 1. an argument that gets it deleted; usually the argument is started when someone's "advice" is really rude 2. a group of friends helping each other out and if you're not part of that group of friends you might as well not post there at all 3. people commenting that others' problems "aren't that bad" and thus aren't worthy of help good points lel. guess OTD is stuck with this then.
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Post by Starflight on Sept 4, 2017 21:00:51 GMT -5
i usually just avoid vent threads it's pretty easy to tell a real one from one where the person is just seeking attention but even for real ones i tend to stay away. i don't see how saying something like "i'm sorry about what you're going through" could in any way help someone emotionally, and i'm not a therapist so i don't know how else someone can help just using words
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#a8d1ff
The Ancient One
Name Colour
pumpkin pie
what if i fall? but my dear, what if you fly?
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Post by pumpkin pie on Sept 4, 2017 21:09:18 GMT -5
thread idea: massive vent hub where there are volunteer advice givers to people who stop by and vent, or people can opt out of advice and just say what they need to but, ya know, i am unfortunately lazy and deprived of time. There actually is a place where people can vent and say whatever they need to say- works pretty well but hasn't been bumped in a while and still not everyone feels comfortable using it which is understandable.
Let it Out <--- But that's it My other thread (Pretzels) is also open to the same thing and many people have and still come there to talk when they need to. It's completely open as am I. Back on the topic of this thread, I try to go to vent threads when I see them but often times, I don't scan through the front page of OTD. Other times, I don't have time or genuinely don't know what to say. For me at least as well though is that a lot of things that are vented about, are similar to things that I may be going through, have gone through and really do not want to talk about/read about atm because it doesn't make me feel great. Doesn't mean that I don't care, because I do. I love helping people and I know how it feels to be ignored and yes, it is a terrible feeling but it isn't always easy for everyone to respond to vent threads.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 21:53:03 GMT -5
I trybto when I see them and I know you were mentioning me above, but sometimes I literally dont. I love to help, I really do. But i cant respond if i dont see it and sometimes it takes 20-30 minutes to think of a response that isnt a regurgitated "Gee I hope u feel better!! uwu" kind of post. And sometimes I forget or get sidetracked.
Or, like others have said, my own crap gets in the way so i dont have the energy to cope with my own problems AND someone elses.
We mean well, we really do. Or at least I do.
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natalie
i would rather not divulge unnecessary information
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Post by natalie on Sept 4, 2017 22:02:59 GMT -5
most people posting vent threads are looking for attention
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Post by Snappppppppppppp on Sept 4, 2017 22:05:25 GMT -5
I usually avoid rant threads because I already hate myself and have my own issues so 99% of the time I dont have the energy to boost other peoples self esteem because mine is already poop.
Also its hard for me sometimes because as a 22 year old person, some of the rant threads are things that I can really only reply "your fine" or something as I personally feel there issues are not to bad, its just a thing about growing up. I know that is rather harsh but im a bitter old person who delt with the same stuff growing up and I literally just went along with life until it got better. Best way to deal with it? probs not.
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Post by hollis on Sept 4, 2017 22:28:48 GMT -5
not everyone is mentally stable or has enough energy to respond
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Post by Yoshimi on Sept 4, 2017 22:46:54 GMT -5
Im not really good at that kind of stuff. But I will try to talk. (/030/)
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2017 22:51:30 GMT -5
i have difficulty expressing empathy for my friends, so some stranger on the internet gets a blink and a half from me. sorry to be blunt, but it's true. other people's problems seem so purposeless (i suppose that's also because i'm 14 and lack many personal experiences to make connections with). although i do try to help whenever i feel i can. (i'm also trying to force myself to care more but it's not an easy task.)
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Post by December on Sept 4, 2017 22:53:57 GMT -5
I know it's hard to have your vents ignored, but not everyone can be expected to reply for numerous reasons - they lack the personal experience necessary to handle the topic, the topic is triggering or otherwise too upsetting for them to discuss, they're currently coping too badly with their own problems to take on those of a stranger, they're busy, they're uncomfortable, etc., etc., etc. And the thing is, you never know whether somebody clicked backspace because they just don't give a **** or because there's something deeper going on with them, so I think it's dangerous to pass judgment.
I guess I'm of the personal opinion that an uneducated, ignorant, or pitying response is more harmful than no response at all. I'd rather somebody ignore me than say something that forces me into the position of defending myself or educating others on my pain or w/e. There's a lot I don't talk about here or even with friends in general because it's situational stuff that nobody can help, and I don't like putting people in the hard position of trying to handle issues with no solution. Idk. That's just me.
If I ignore any of you, it's usually because I'm uneducated on the topic you're venting about, or because I lack the relevant personal experience to offer you any help. It's not a personal thing, and it's not a reflection or how much I do or don't care. I'd say most of you are good people whose happiness I'm rooting for. I just can't always offer you the key to it.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2017 0:03:26 GMT -5
as someone who posts vent threads, i don't think anyone should feel obligated to talk to me. i don't want anyone to feel like they have to deal with my baggage, it's strikes me as really selfish idk.
if i really needed help right then and there, i'd call the national suicide hotline or something. additionally, i really don't have a lot to offer when i do see vent threads, even if i do relate to them.
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Post by The Noble Dragon on Sept 5, 2017 4:22:53 GMT -5
I agree somewhat with what you are saying OP. Everyone should feel that their emotions are vailid and know that people hear them and understand them or empathize with them because everyone's feelings are vaild.
BUT
It is not my responsibility to take on the emotional distress of another person. I'm willing to help others of course but I am not REQUIRED to and you shouldn't expect others to do that, especially if they aren't in the mindset to or get easily distressed about the certain TW's that the rant is about.
If someone needs support I am not required to offer that support especially if I am not myself am feeling emotionally stable enough to offer support or have the emotional energy to take on the emotional responsibility of another person. That doens't mean I don't care about what they are going through at all or that I think they shouldn't post or anything. I just am not able to help them and shouldn't be expected to.
These forums are for people to come and spend time on and have fun and get away from their lives, not to be a therapy session for people. When I vent on here I (personally) don't expect people to respond and try and help, it's just an outlet for me to vent and not have to deal with the emotional reprecussions of talking to an actual friend irl and stuff like that.
If anyone is in any REAL emotion distress then they should make use of the Hotlines in the top bar or speak to someone more qualified to help them get through a tough time than this 21 year old depressed college drop out.
I really really really care about everyone on these forums and it kills me when I see anyone going through a harsh time and feeling low and bad. But you can't force me or everyone on the forums to post on someones rant/vent thread just because it shouldn't be ignored. That'll just breed a toxic enviroment where people will likely post thing that worsen the situation or seem impersonal and cold or antagonize the OP or others and will just make Vent posts a chore to deal with (which they are not.)
In my eyes a vent/rant post is a post in which someone writes about a thing on their mind that they have very strong feelings about. SOmetimes just expressing your feelings on a matter and knowing someone heard you can really help you feel better or work through your emotions. I strongly beleive that people (especially kids) should be able to express their emotions on a subject as much as they want and with little to no reprecussions in return bc it's important to learn how to get your feelings out and deal with them in a mature way than just repressing them and ignoring them till they get too much and all come out at once. That's why I initially came up with the Let it out Thread and why I still maintain it to the best of my ability (along with the amazing Picia) just so everyone can come and let out whatever is on their mind, AND they don't even have to talk about it further after that if they don't want to! I even have the option for someone to post Anonymous messages by PMing them their messages to be posted if they want. I strongly suggest that people who need to vent/rant check out the Let it out Thread for this purpose bc I think it's really important to have.
sorry its like 2am and I really needed to say this bc I felt it was all important. Aqua I hope you understand that I'm not trying to come off mean or anything at all, i just feel people shouldn't be forced to respond to a thread that they aren't able to respond to (for various reasons aside from what I talked about). I'm sorry no one responded to your vent threads when you needed them too and I understand where your feelings are coming from, but I don't think that the way your are asking OTD to act about these Vent threads is the right way to go about things. But I do agree that people should try to respond more to vent/rant threads if they are able to and I will try to more often myself. Thank you for bringing attention to the subject matter!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2017 6:34:58 GMT -5
most people posting vent threads are looking for attention Papillon
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2017 8:48:21 GMT -5
I certainly appreciate the reasonable answers guys. Again, I hope I wasn't offending, though I warned you all I wasn't going to be nice about this topic.
Being ignored is very sensitive for me, so I kinda sympathized with the people who were ignored, especially when they needed support.
Also for those who are screwing around on my topic, please don't. It's serious. If you wanna mess around, please don't when I'm trying to make a serious announcement. The post not too far above me about the comic isn't funny when someone is making a serious topic.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2017 9:23:39 GMT -5
Don't think the person with the comic was trying to be funny but /shrugs
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Post by Thunderlake on Sept 5, 2017 9:50:21 GMT -5
sorry but i dont agree at all i dont ignore them for the sake of ignoring them i have my own problems, im helping my friends with their problems.. i cant really handle the problems of a stranger too like i understand why itd be upsetting but im not trying to be rude
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Post by Brownie on Sept 5, 2017 10:34:54 GMT -5
I'll just keep this short and say I'm in accordance with the majority here.
I don't have experience with most the troubles y'all are experiencing. I just don't feel the same way, and most the time if I posted it would be to say "suck it up and deal with it" and that's rude so I say nothing. and on the off chance that I relate, I don't want to seem pitying because I absolutely HATE when people do that to me and I wouldn't want to impose that on others.
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