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Post by Jaysnow on Jan 16, 2024 0:24:14 GMT -5
I lost my mom last year and the pain is still very fresh. Sometimes I find myself sobbing randomly, or getting the strong urge to kick something/break something. I'm not very good at dealing with it. Anyone got any advice?
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Post by dahliadove - #1 nightpelt fan on Jan 16, 2024 8:06:33 GMT -5
My dad's fourth death anniversary was on December 15th, I feel you with losing a parent. It's hard.
I guess it's different for everyone, some people opt to surround themselves with family and some opt to stick to themselves. There's really no wrong way to grieve.
I think the most important thing is to not try to rush yourself. The process of accepting a death can vary insanely depending on the person. In my case, it was better than most and I've moved forward, but that's not the case for everybody.
So I'd say to take your time, don't be afraid to ask for help, and something that always helped me was doing something productive. I used to write letters to my dad shortly after he died, and it was comforting. I'm not sure if you think that would work for you, but feel free to try.
I'm sorry for your loss, too.
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Bisexual
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Post by BҽɾɾყႦʅσσɱ on Jan 16, 2024 17:55:39 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss.
My mother lost her brother when he was just 24 years old (same age as me now). She says that she will never get over his death and I don't think anyone ever needs to "get over it" either anyways.
Try to remember the good moments you shared with her but also allow yourself to miss her.
My mother still celebrates my uncle's birthday by lighting a candle for him every year and looking at old photos of him and them together. She also does this on the anniversary of his death as well. And she talks about him a lot. That way, she keeps his memory alive and I get to know an uncle I've never met in life. My mom also went to therapy for a bit but ultimately feels more understood with her grief when she's at home.
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Post by jess on Jan 16, 2024 19:32:19 GMT -5
lost my boyfriend on november 20th, didn't deal with it really and still don't. for about a month after i was basically a shell of a person, couldn't function by myself and had to live with my parents. now i'm on new medicine, in weekly therapy and back at work. i still just take it day by day. i don't think about the future because it doesn't exist. i just think about what i have to do in the next 24 hrs and go from there. some days are ok and i make it through without crying, other days all i do is cry. thankfully my managers at work have been extremely supportive and let me take days off when i need to.
i've never been a happy person, i've lived with chronic depression for the last 12 years, so this wasn't something i was unaccustomed to. in fact it was weird having to explain to people that this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me but it may not be the worst i've ever felt. because there have been times when i literally had no motive to live, people in my life had to carry me out of bed and help me brush my hair or change clothes. and i still need help with those things sometimes, but now i feel like i have more of a motive than ever to keep going. because that's what my boyfriend wanted for me. we had the conversation prior, he told me point blank that he wanted to be sure if anything ever happened to him that i would let myself be happy, i would allow myself to be taken care of, i would be okay. he made me promise. so i have to keep that promise.
if you can't live for yourself, live for those you love most, that's my philosophy. it doesn't work for everyone but it works for me.
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Post by rabbit on Jan 16, 2024 19:35:12 GMT -5
Acceptance I guess. It is just a fact that I cannot reverse their deaths and I am never seeing those people again. But I’m still here and time moves forward with me alive whether I wanted it to or not. I must focus on my own survival because I’m the one who didn’t die, I have to keep on living. The older I get, the more people I will see die so I have to condition my brain to accept that death of people close to me is going to continue to be a part of my life.
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Post by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ on Jan 17, 2024 2:35:03 GMT -5
I lost my father in February of 2016. The grief is still very raw as if he just died yesterday.
There is no time limit to grief. Sometimes it's hard to truly accept that your loved one(s) are gone. I know it is for me.
My way of coping personally, is that I talk to a trauma therapist for insight. And one of the things she told me, was that it's okay to be angry. It's okay to be hurt, and upset. There's nothing wrong with grieving the way you have to, to get through it.
I'm so sorry for your loss, losing a parent is absolutely horrible.
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Post by {Azure} on Jan 17, 2024 14:55:39 GMT -5
my parents divorced a few years ago which sent me into a state of depression that lasted a few months. i know it's no where close to losing them forever. but what helped me was my mom and now stepdad helping me work through the grief. so what i'm saying is have loved ones close by, they can do more than i coulld explain with words
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Asexual
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Post by 🍄🎶✨Brambleheart✨🎶🍄 on Jan 17, 2024 15:01:53 GMT -5
Hi! Although I haven't lost parents, I had to grieve for great-grandparents and many beloved pets, one of which I helped raise since near-birth.
Some days are very hard, particularly dates that were important to you and the loved one. Birthdays, death days, holidays, and even occasions can be really tough. I recently had my second Christmas without my cat Peanut (the one I knew since near-birth), and it was really hard because he always went with us and had so much fun going to my Grandma's. We had so many traditions with him and not being able to do them anymore hurts.
Some things I like to do when I am really feeling down are talking to a friend or family member. I tell them how I feel and tell them what I am missing about my loved one at that time.
The following are things that although I don't do, can be really helpful:
1. Making a memory book. This book could have photos, stickers or designs of things your mother loved (for example if your mother liked gardening, you could find floral designs and put butterfly stickers). Alternatively, make each page a theme. One page could be your mother supporting you in school, another could be vacations, holidays, silly moments, etc. They don't have to be photos either. You could always write down memories or things about your mom for each theme.
2. Write letters. Imagine you are writing to your mother. Tell her about your day, what you are doing in life, anything you need advice on. Tell her how much you miss her. Sometimes letting it out is what you need.
3. Make connections. Is there an activity your mom liked to do? Give it a try. Did your mom have any friends or family she was particularly close to? Connect with them. Donate to causes that meant a lot to your mom.
I hope this helps and remember that it's okay to not be okay <3
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Post by {Azure} on Jan 17, 2024 15:04:30 GMT -5
also, i lost a friend of mine on july 5 2019. they went to a party i also went to and on our way back they were involved in a car accident caused by a drunk driver that resulted in 1 friend dying and the other getting a broken leg. for 2 years after that i felt uncomfortable on july 5th, my home country's independence day. and had survivors guilt until i realized that i couldn't do shit and went on with life
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Post by dahliadove - #1 nightpelt fan on Feb 1, 2024 3:53:03 GMT -5
I'm incredibly sorry for your loss! I lost my mom in 2017, and my dad in 2018. For me, I light a candle for them every year on their birthdays(I chose a smell I knew they liked), and I will also do things that remind me of them. I still miss them a ton, and I definitely have my moments where i still break down and cry for hours, but doing things I used to do with them helps to keep the good memories fresh. This is gonna make me cry
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Post by {Azure} on Feb 1, 2024 10:12:40 GMT -5
forgot to mention, since it's also my home country's independence day i set of fireworks to remember her.
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Post by dahliadove - #1 nightpelt fan on Feb 5, 2024 17:16:52 GMT -5
I miss my dad bro
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