Ambergaze’s Decision (for Resurgence)
Sept 18, 2023 21:22:19 GMT -5
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Feathertalon and whispering like this
Post by runningsky123 on Sept 18, 2023 21:22:19 GMT -5
Ambergaze stayed quiet, crouched in one corner of the hobbled together, makeshift camp. It had been a few days since EtherClan and SylvanClan had joined together, desperate to find a cure for the disease wracking both Clans.
Ambergaze had already lost her mother, her sister, and then her mate to the disease. She’d watched as Blazehawk weakened and wasted away, unable to do anything or even comfort her mate. She’d watched him die slowly from across the camp.
She shook herself slightly, trying to keep her mind off of her dead mate. She looked across the camp, her ears pulled back slightly as she heard horrible coughs from the medicine cat den. It was the largest den in this new camp, which felt weird. She was used to the warriors den being the largest, but it wasn’t like there were more heathy cats than sick.
She watched as Darkfern walked across the camp, a bundle of wet moss in her jaws. She laid it a cat-length away from the medicine cat den, before retreating quickly. Ambergaze caught her eye, the tortoiseshell she-cat walking over to her, stopping a few tail lengths away.
They’d gotten to know each other during the last moon, when cats were going back and forth between the Clans sharing herbs and knowledge, until the leaders had decided to just merge the two to help each other.
“Anyone today?”, Ambergaze asked softly. Darkfern had been helping the medicine cats fetch stuff from outside camp, but stayed away from the den herself.
“Iciclejaw, and Rowanstep.”, Darkfern said softly, sitting down where she’d stopped. “And Nightstream said it looks like Mousefrost caught it too. She’s outside camp. Nightstream isn’t sure yet, and doesn’t want her in the medicine cat den until she is, but also doesn’t want her around everyone else.”, she said.
Ambergaze sighed. It just seemed never ending, and she was starting to get tired of hearing all of the losses.
“I’m really starting to lose hope that this will ever end.”, Ambergaze muttered softly. “And even if it does, what will be left of our Clans?”
Darkfern’s ears pulled back slightly, stress evident. Ambergaze had a feeling she’d had the same thoughts.
“I don’t know.”, was all the tortoiseshell she-cat replied with, looking across the camp at the medicine cat den.
Ambergaze glanced over at the entrance when the bushes shook slightly, Peatshadow walking in, followed by Skydrift and Briarfoot. They had one mouse and a scrawny sparrow between the three of them, a small addition to the meager fresh-kill pile. There just wasn’t enough healthy cats hunting to support those that were sick.
Nightstream stuck her head out of the medicine cat den, meowing something to Peatshadow. He nodded, walking over and placing the mouse the cat-length from the medicine cat den. It was a perimeter Nightstream had insisted on to try and stop anyone else from getting sick.
Not that it did much.
~~~~~
Two days later, Nightstream fell ill. Two days after that, she was gone, leaving Heathpaw the only medicine cat between the two clans, if he could be called that.
Mousefrost, Splashberry, and Scorchnose had all passed in that time as well. Darkfern was now sick, along with Waspstar.
Ambergaze spent most of her time now outside of camp, only coming in to sleep and grab something to eat, and even then, she was starting to sleep outside. She’d noticed Brownpaw doing the same.
She sat now, watching the entrance to camp silently. Something told her that it wasn’t the place for her anymore. Things had changed, gotten too dangerous.
Maybe it was that she’d felt movement in her belly for the first time the day before, or maybe it was Darkfern, who’d seemed too healthy, getting sick.
Whatever it was, she listened.
Ambergaze stood, turning and taking a few steps away from the makeshift camp. She glanced back, wondering if she should say goodbye.
No. It would only put her at risk again, and either way, no one had seemed to notice she’d been out most days. They’d probably think she succumbed to the sickness too, like the few other cats who had just disappeared.
Ambergaze looked back forward, and continued walking. She headed back towards the stream, where the moor was, the land she was used to. She’d have better luck there, in the open, chasing rabbits, than trying to crouch around in the forest.
She walked until she got to the stream, and looked back again. Part of her rebelled at the idea of leaving. She should go back, help her Clanmates, try and find a cure.
But at this point, she finally admitted the fact they’d all known for awhile, but refused to accept. There was no cure. This sickness would wipe out the Clans, and there wasn’t anything they could do.
Except leave. Go off and hope that maybe some of them would be free of the disease, that they could survive until they could rebuild.
Or, if they never did, pass on the stories of the Clans, and hope their descendants one day would do something with that knowledge.
Ambergaze walked upstream until she came to the old Treebridge, leaping up onto it, and walking across to the other side, and back onto the moor. The grass beneath her paws felt right, like home.
She headed away from the stream, away from their old camp, towards the mountains. She hoped that would be far enough away that the sickness would have no chance to be there, and she could make a life for herself.
~~~~~
That life proved to be difficult. It was leafbare, and prey was scarce enough as it was, but having only herself to hunt made it even worse. Every missed rabbit tired her out more and more, not to mention that she had extra weight now, her kits getting bigger every day, and making her need more and more food every day.
Finally, after her sixth unsuccessful rabbit hunt in as many days, panting near the stream as she gazed across at Twolegplace, she gave in.
Ambergaze had never before even considered going near Twolegs, but she was desperate. Not for herself. If she was the only one to worry about, she’d rather starve than get help from a Twoleg.
But her kits. The only thing she had left of Blazehawk. They were enough for her to give in. She didn’t even both going to Treebridge; the walk would just exhaust her. She got a running start, and leapt most of the way across the stream, landing a cat-length and a half from the other bank. The water was cold, and made her gasp, but she made a few small hops to reach the other side, shaking herself off, and heading towards the fence that separated the Twolegplace from the forest.
She leapt up onto the fence, gazing out at the gardens and roofs of Twolegplace, anxiety prickling in her pelt. How was she supposed to find a Twoleg that would help her? She had no idea how to speak to Twolegs, didn’t even have a clue of how they usually acted. She’d never crossed the stream this far north, and had definitely never encountered a Twoleg.
Ambergaze sighed, and steeled herself. She had to figure it out. For her kits, for Blazehawk.
For the future of her Clan.
~~~~~
It had taken her about a moon and a half to find a nest with a nice Twoleg, and half a moon after that to make sure the Twoleg would let her in.
It was perfect timing, as the day after she’d finally allowed the Twoleg to bring her inside, she’d started kitting.
With it being her first litter, she’d had no idea what to expect. The Twoleg seemed knowledgeable, helping her at one point when one of the kittens got stuck.
Now, Ambergaze laid with her four kits at her belly, purring as they nursed, even though she was thoroughly exhausted.
The Twoleg had come in and out a few times, checking on the kittens, at one point taking them one by one and putting them on an odd rock, before returning them. Ambergaze hadn’t had the energy to fight her when she took the first kit, but soon realized she wasn’t taking them away, or hurting them. Sure, they squeaked when they were put on the rock, but she could tell it was just from the cold.
Ambergaze looked down at her kits, finally paying attention to their pelts.
One was almost a spitting image of her, though his tabby stripes were different. Another, similar to her own pelt, but a darker brown, and without the light specks that decorated her fur. The third was a dark russet color, no tabby stripes or specks to be seen.
The last one, was a carbon copy of Blazehawk. Ambergaze felt grief well in her throat at the sight of the small she-kit. Oh, how Blazehawk would have adored having a kit that looked like him. He would have ran through the camp crowing that one of them had inherited his good looks.
She leaned down, licking the top of the little she-kit’s head. She squeaked, raising her head and letting out a slight hiss, before going back to suckling.
Ambergaze purred in amusement. She’d inherited her father’s attitude as well.
~~~~~
“Mama, mama! Cinder’s being mean!”
Ambergaze sighed, turning her attention to Hawk, the little tom kit that looked like her.
“Hawk, darling, you need to learn to stand up to your sister.”, Ambergaze said. “Or she’ll just keep picking on you.”
“But make her stop, Mama!”, Hawk said indignantly.
Ambergaze sighed, turning her attention to Cinder, Blazehawk’s lookalike.
“Cinder, dear, please be nice to your brother.”, she said.
“He started it! He was pushing Lily around!”
Ambergaze turned her attention back to Hawk, looking less amused. “Hawk, is that true?”
“Lily won’t leave me and Talon alone! We want to play without her, she’s too little.”
Lily was indeed smaller than her littermates, the runt of the litter, that had been made worse by Ambergaze’s lack of food for awhile. But with some help from the Twoleg, she’d bounced back, though it would take her a bit to catch up to her siblings.
“Hawk, you be nice to your sister, just because she’s smaller doesn’t mean you pick on her. Your father always said we have to help those lesser than us, or we can’t call ourselves good cats.”, Ambergaze said.
“Yes, Mama.”, Hawk mumbled, turning and walking off, his tail drooped down.
Cinder looked content, turning and bounding over to Lily, saying a few words, before the little dark brown tabby perked up, and started chasing after her older sister.
Ambergaze watched them, smiling warmly. She’d made the right decision, she knew that. Her kits would grow, and either stay here with her, or go to good homes, she was sure of it. The Twoleg seemed to care too much to let them go anywhere but a place they’d be taken care of.
Her kits would grow up happy, healthy, and looked after. Maybe Blazehawk wouldn’t have approved, or maybe he would. She’d never know, since he wasn’t here to tell her. She hoped that knowing his kits would be safe and cared for would make up for it as he watched from StarClan.
~~~~~
Today would have been their apprentice ceremony, if her kits were Clan cats.
Instead, she sat in the living room of the house, watching as strangers came and went, playing with her kits, petting them. One family had already taken Hawk and Talon.
Cinder and Lily had retreated near her when that had happened, seeming to realize why the Twolegs were here.
Ambergaze knelt down next to them. “Darlings, you must go back out there.”, she said, nudging Cinder towards the middle of the room.
“But… we don’t want to leave, Mama. We want to stay with you.”, Cinder said, backing up, right back into her mother’s nose.
“Cinder, you need to. To become big cats.”, Ambergaze said, thought her heart broke with every word. “You can’t stay here forever.”
“But we want to.”, Lily said.
The Twoleg had walked in again, followed by another set of Twolegs, a male and female.
Cinder sunk into Ambergaze’s fur, while Lily tried to climb under her.
Ambergaze stood, exposing the two kits.
“Cinder, Lily, you just be strong. You both are capable of taking care of yourselves, but I don’t think you’ll have to. You’re going together.”, Ambergaze said. “You’ll have each other. And if you ever get lonely, or miss me, just look to each other, and you’ll know I’m with you.”
Cinder looked up at her mother, then over at the new Twolegs, before over at Lily, then nodded at her mother.
“Ok, Mama. We can be brave.”, she said.
“That’s my girl.”, Ambergaze said with a smile, nudging Cinder forward.
The she-kit stepped closer to Lily, nuzzling her, before turning and trotting over to the Twolegs, Lily following behind slower.
Awhile later, and they were scooped up by the Twolegs, who exchanged words with the Twoleg of the house, then headed out the doors.
“Bye Mama!”
“Bye bye Mama!”
Ambergaze wanted to yowl, to make the Twolegs bring her kits back, but she knew this was best. They would go to new homes, grow up to be big cats, and would thrive.
That didn’t mean she wouldn’t miss them terribly.
~~~~~
It was many years later, a long time after Ambergaze had started slowing down, the fur around her nose greying and her joints hurting.
She laid in the sun on the porch, enjoying the warmth it gave her aching limbs, when she heard the sound of a bell ringing.
She opened her eyes, to see a strange cat on the fence, who squeaked and leaped down, bounding over to her, collar bell jingling.
Ambergaze sat up, about to hiss, when she suddenly forgot where she was as she saw the cat bounding towards her.
“Blazehawk? Is that you?”, she asked in awe.
The cat stopped, tilting its head.
“What? No. No, Mama, it’s me! Cinder!”
Ambergaze took a moment, before her eyes widened.
Cinder, the once tiny kit that looked exactly like her long-dead mate, not so tiny anymore.
“Oh, my darling!”, she yowled, leaping forward despite the complaint of her joints, nuzzling her daughter’s nose.
They stood like that for awhile, faces pressed together, purring loudly as they reacquainted themselves with each other’s scent.
After a bit, they laid down on the porch, as Ambergaze’s joints started protesting to her leaping up and standing.
She listened as Cinder told her about her life, from her and Lily getting to their new home, meeting the other resident cat Hailey, who’d passed a few years before from old age. How she’d been like another mother to them, but they’d never forgotten Ambergaze.
How Lily was at home nursing her first litter, Cinder’s first long since adopted.
“That’s actually how I found you! I’ve been slowly making my way through the houses, looking for my kit Juniper, making sure she’s alright. She was a bit sickly as a kit, so I wanted to make sure she was ok, but I haven’t found her yet. But I thought I saw you in the window the other day, but had to head back home, but I made sure to come back, and it was you!”, Cinder said excitedly.
“I’d forgotten what the house looked like, I was really little when we lived here.”, she said.
Ambergaze nodded, chuckling slightly. “That you were. I’m so happy that you have a good life, Cinder. It’s all I ever wanted for you four.”, she said.
She’d never told her kits about the Clans. She’d told them about their father, their grandmother and aunt, but never about the Clans. It had been too painful.
So she’d never told them what had brought her to the Twolegplace, why they were born in a house instead of out on the moor.
Part of her wondered if she should tell Cinder. No, best to just let her live her life without wondering what could have been, or trying to find out and injuring herself.
Or getting sick.
They talked for a long time, until the sun started setting, the garden getting dark slowly.
Cinder leapt up, her ears pinned back. “Oh no, I need to get back. My housefolk will worry.”, she said.
Ambergaze smiled, standing on slightly shaky legs. “Of course. Tell your sister I said hello, and give her my love for me.”
“I will, Mama.”, Cinder said, pressing her nose against Ambergaze’s. “I’ll come back soon, maybe bring Lily with me to say hello!”, she said.
Ambergaze smiled and nodded, but deep down, she knew she wouldn’t see that. Something told her she wouldn’t.
“You take care, my dear. I love you so much, and I’m so glad I got to see you again.”, she purred.
Cinder smiled. “You too, Mama.”, she said, before she turned and bounded back across the garden, leaping up into the fence. She glanced back, waving her tail in farewell, before she disappeared over the fence.
~~~~~
It was three days later when Ambergaze fell asleep, and awoke in a sparkling forest.
She looked around, confused, before she went to stand up.
Her legs obeyed, her joints having lost their ache. She at first thought it was a dream, when she heard a voice.
“Hello, my love.”
Ambergaze turned quickly, her heart swelling, her paws stopping in their tracks at the sight of Blazehawk.
Her long lost mate smiled softly, stepping forward to press his nose into hers.
The pressure snapped Ambergaze out of her trance. Every dream she’d ever had, she’d never been able to feel Blazehawk.
“I’m… I’m dead, aren’t I?”, she asked softly.
Her mate smiled sadly. “Yes, my dear. This is StarClan’s forest.”, he said.
“But, but Cinder! And Lily! I wanted to see them again.”, she said.
“You knew you wouldn’t.”, Blazehawk said simply. “It’s alright. They’ll understand.”, he said.
Ambergaze suddenly felt fear course through her.
“Are… are you ashamed of me?”, she asked softly.
“Ashamed? Ambergaze, I thought you knew me better than that. I’d never be ashamed of you.”, he said, stepping forward to nuzzle her cheek briefly. “You did what was best for our kits. Yes, I would have liked them to grow up in a Clan, but that wasn’t possible.”, he said.
“The Clan.”, Ambergaze said with a soft gasp. “What happened to them?”
Blazehawk’s eyes turned sad. “They’re gone, Amber. Only you, and a few other cats escaped the sickness, but they all scattered to the winds. This is the only place they reunite now”, he said softly.
“Now come, enough worry about the past. There’s plenty of cats that want to see you.”
Ambergaze glanced behind her mate, to see Briarsnout, her mother; Squirrelflash, her sister; Darkfern, her old friend. Her heart swelled again.
She couldn’t change the fate of the Clans, couldn’t change the lives of her kits anymore, but she could enjoy the rest of time with her family that she’d lost, all those moons ago.
That was good enough for her.
Ambergaze had already lost her mother, her sister, and then her mate to the disease. She’d watched as Blazehawk weakened and wasted away, unable to do anything or even comfort her mate. She’d watched him die slowly from across the camp.
She shook herself slightly, trying to keep her mind off of her dead mate. She looked across the camp, her ears pulled back slightly as she heard horrible coughs from the medicine cat den. It was the largest den in this new camp, which felt weird. She was used to the warriors den being the largest, but it wasn’t like there were more heathy cats than sick.
She watched as Darkfern walked across the camp, a bundle of wet moss in her jaws. She laid it a cat-length away from the medicine cat den, before retreating quickly. Ambergaze caught her eye, the tortoiseshell she-cat walking over to her, stopping a few tail lengths away.
They’d gotten to know each other during the last moon, when cats were going back and forth between the Clans sharing herbs and knowledge, until the leaders had decided to just merge the two to help each other.
“Anyone today?”, Ambergaze asked softly. Darkfern had been helping the medicine cats fetch stuff from outside camp, but stayed away from the den herself.
“Iciclejaw, and Rowanstep.”, Darkfern said softly, sitting down where she’d stopped. “And Nightstream said it looks like Mousefrost caught it too. She’s outside camp. Nightstream isn’t sure yet, and doesn’t want her in the medicine cat den until she is, but also doesn’t want her around everyone else.”, she said.
Ambergaze sighed. It just seemed never ending, and she was starting to get tired of hearing all of the losses.
“I’m really starting to lose hope that this will ever end.”, Ambergaze muttered softly. “And even if it does, what will be left of our Clans?”
Darkfern’s ears pulled back slightly, stress evident. Ambergaze had a feeling she’d had the same thoughts.
“I don’t know.”, was all the tortoiseshell she-cat replied with, looking across the camp at the medicine cat den.
Ambergaze glanced over at the entrance when the bushes shook slightly, Peatshadow walking in, followed by Skydrift and Briarfoot. They had one mouse and a scrawny sparrow between the three of them, a small addition to the meager fresh-kill pile. There just wasn’t enough healthy cats hunting to support those that were sick.
Nightstream stuck her head out of the medicine cat den, meowing something to Peatshadow. He nodded, walking over and placing the mouse the cat-length from the medicine cat den. It was a perimeter Nightstream had insisted on to try and stop anyone else from getting sick.
Not that it did much.
~~~~~
Two days later, Nightstream fell ill. Two days after that, she was gone, leaving Heathpaw the only medicine cat between the two clans, if he could be called that.
Mousefrost, Splashberry, and Scorchnose had all passed in that time as well. Darkfern was now sick, along with Waspstar.
Ambergaze spent most of her time now outside of camp, only coming in to sleep and grab something to eat, and even then, she was starting to sleep outside. She’d noticed Brownpaw doing the same.
She sat now, watching the entrance to camp silently. Something told her that it wasn’t the place for her anymore. Things had changed, gotten too dangerous.
Maybe it was that she’d felt movement in her belly for the first time the day before, or maybe it was Darkfern, who’d seemed too healthy, getting sick.
Whatever it was, she listened.
Ambergaze stood, turning and taking a few steps away from the makeshift camp. She glanced back, wondering if she should say goodbye.
No. It would only put her at risk again, and either way, no one had seemed to notice she’d been out most days. They’d probably think she succumbed to the sickness too, like the few other cats who had just disappeared.
Ambergaze looked back forward, and continued walking. She headed back towards the stream, where the moor was, the land she was used to. She’d have better luck there, in the open, chasing rabbits, than trying to crouch around in the forest.
She walked until she got to the stream, and looked back again. Part of her rebelled at the idea of leaving. She should go back, help her Clanmates, try and find a cure.
But at this point, she finally admitted the fact they’d all known for awhile, but refused to accept. There was no cure. This sickness would wipe out the Clans, and there wasn’t anything they could do.
Except leave. Go off and hope that maybe some of them would be free of the disease, that they could survive until they could rebuild.
Or, if they never did, pass on the stories of the Clans, and hope their descendants one day would do something with that knowledge.
Ambergaze walked upstream until she came to the old Treebridge, leaping up onto it, and walking across to the other side, and back onto the moor. The grass beneath her paws felt right, like home.
She headed away from the stream, away from their old camp, towards the mountains. She hoped that would be far enough away that the sickness would have no chance to be there, and she could make a life for herself.
~~~~~
That life proved to be difficult. It was leafbare, and prey was scarce enough as it was, but having only herself to hunt made it even worse. Every missed rabbit tired her out more and more, not to mention that she had extra weight now, her kits getting bigger every day, and making her need more and more food every day.
Finally, after her sixth unsuccessful rabbit hunt in as many days, panting near the stream as she gazed across at Twolegplace, she gave in.
Ambergaze had never before even considered going near Twolegs, but she was desperate. Not for herself. If she was the only one to worry about, she’d rather starve than get help from a Twoleg.
But her kits. The only thing she had left of Blazehawk. They were enough for her to give in. She didn’t even both going to Treebridge; the walk would just exhaust her. She got a running start, and leapt most of the way across the stream, landing a cat-length and a half from the other bank. The water was cold, and made her gasp, but she made a few small hops to reach the other side, shaking herself off, and heading towards the fence that separated the Twolegplace from the forest.
She leapt up onto the fence, gazing out at the gardens and roofs of Twolegplace, anxiety prickling in her pelt. How was she supposed to find a Twoleg that would help her? She had no idea how to speak to Twolegs, didn’t even have a clue of how they usually acted. She’d never crossed the stream this far north, and had definitely never encountered a Twoleg.
Ambergaze sighed, and steeled herself. She had to figure it out. For her kits, for Blazehawk.
For the future of her Clan.
~~~~~
It had taken her about a moon and a half to find a nest with a nice Twoleg, and half a moon after that to make sure the Twoleg would let her in.
It was perfect timing, as the day after she’d finally allowed the Twoleg to bring her inside, she’d started kitting.
With it being her first litter, she’d had no idea what to expect. The Twoleg seemed knowledgeable, helping her at one point when one of the kittens got stuck.
Now, Ambergaze laid with her four kits at her belly, purring as they nursed, even though she was thoroughly exhausted.
The Twoleg had come in and out a few times, checking on the kittens, at one point taking them one by one and putting them on an odd rock, before returning them. Ambergaze hadn’t had the energy to fight her when she took the first kit, but soon realized she wasn’t taking them away, or hurting them. Sure, they squeaked when they were put on the rock, but she could tell it was just from the cold.
Ambergaze looked down at her kits, finally paying attention to their pelts.
One was almost a spitting image of her, though his tabby stripes were different. Another, similar to her own pelt, but a darker brown, and without the light specks that decorated her fur. The third was a dark russet color, no tabby stripes or specks to be seen.
The last one, was a carbon copy of Blazehawk. Ambergaze felt grief well in her throat at the sight of the small she-kit. Oh, how Blazehawk would have adored having a kit that looked like him. He would have ran through the camp crowing that one of them had inherited his good looks.
She leaned down, licking the top of the little she-kit’s head. She squeaked, raising her head and letting out a slight hiss, before going back to suckling.
Ambergaze purred in amusement. She’d inherited her father’s attitude as well.
~~~~~
“Mama, mama! Cinder’s being mean!”
Ambergaze sighed, turning her attention to Hawk, the little tom kit that looked like her.
“Hawk, darling, you need to learn to stand up to your sister.”, Ambergaze said. “Or she’ll just keep picking on you.”
“But make her stop, Mama!”, Hawk said indignantly.
Ambergaze sighed, turning her attention to Cinder, Blazehawk’s lookalike.
“Cinder, dear, please be nice to your brother.”, she said.
“He started it! He was pushing Lily around!”
Ambergaze turned her attention back to Hawk, looking less amused. “Hawk, is that true?”
“Lily won’t leave me and Talon alone! We want to play without her, she’s too little.”
Lily was indeed smaller than her littermates, the runt of the litter, that had been made worse by Ambergaze’s lack of food for awhile. But with some help from the Twoleg, she’d bounced back, though it would take her a bit to catch up to her siblings.
“Hawk, you be nice to your sister, just because she’s smaller doesn’t mean you pick on her. Your father always said we have to help those lesser than us, or we can’t call ourselves good cats.”, Ambergaze said.
“Yes, Mama.”, Hawk mumbled, turning and walking off, his tail drooped down.
Cinder looked content, turning and bounding over to Lily, saying a few words, before the little dark brown tabby perked up, and started chasing after her older sister.
Ambergaze watched them, smiling warmly. She’d made the right decision, she knew that. Her kits would grow, and either stay here with her, or go to good homes, she was sure of it. The Twoleg seemed to care too much to let them go anywhere but a place they’d be taken care of.
Her kits would grow up happy, healthy, and looked after. Maybe Blazehawk wouldn’t have approved, or maybe he would. She’d never know, since he wasn’t here to tell her. She hoped that knowing his kits would be safe and cared for would make up for it as he watched from StarClan.
~~~~~
Today would have been their apprentice ceremony, if her kits were Clan cats.
Instead, she sat in the living room of the house, watching as strangers came and went, playing with her kits, petting them. One family had already taken Hawk and Talon.
Cinder and Lily had retreated near her when that had happened, seeming to realize why the Twolegs were here.
Ambergaze knelt down next to them. “Darlings, you must go back out there.”, she said, nudging Cinder towards the middle of the room.
“But… we don’t want to leave, Mama. We want to stay with you.”, Cinder said, backing up, right back into her mother’s nose.
“Cinder, you need to. To become big cats.”, Ambergaze said, thought her heart broke with every word. “You can’t stay here forever.”
“But we want to.”, Lily said.
The Twoleg had walked in again, followed by another set of Twolegs, a male and female.
Cinder sunk into Ambergaze’s fur, while Lily tried to climb under her.
Ambergaze stood, exposing the two kits.
“Cinder, Lily, you just be strong. You both are capable of taking care of yourselves, but I don’t think you’ll have to. You’re going together.”, Ambergaze said. “You’ll have each other. And if you ever get lonely, or miss me, just look to each other, and you’ll know I’m with you.”
Cinder looked up at her mother, then over at the new Twolegs, before over at Lily, then nodded at her mother.
“Ok, Mama. We can be brave.”, she said.
“That’s my girl.”, Ambergaze said with a smile, nudging Cinder forward.
The she-kit stepped closer to Lily, nuzzling her, before turning and trotting over to the Twolegs, Lily following behind slower.
Awhile later, and they were scooped up by the Twolegs, who exchanged words with the Twoleg of the house, then headed out the doors.
“Bye Mama!”
“Bye bye Mama!”
Ambergaze wanted to yowl, to make the Twolegs bring her kits back, but she knew this was best. They would go to new homes, grow up to be big cats, and would thrive.
That didn’t mean she wouldn’t miss them terribly.
~~~~~
It was many years later, a long time after Ambergaze had started slowing down, the fur around her nose greying and her joints hurting.
She laid in the sun on the porch, enjoying the warmth it gave her aching limbs, when she heard the sound of a bell ringing.
She opened her eyes, to see a strange cat on the fence, who squeaked and leaped down, bounding over to her, collar bell jingling.
Ambergaze sat up, about to hiss, when she suddenly forgot where she was as she saw the cat bounding towards her.
“Blazehawk? Is that you?”, she asked in awe.
The cat stopped, tilting its head.
“What? No. No, Mama, it’s me! Cinder!”
Ambergaze took a moment, before her eyes widened.
Cinder, the once tiny kit that looked exactly like her long-dead mate, not so tiny anymore.
“Oh, my darling!”, she yowled, leaping forward despite the complaint of her joints, nuzzling her daughter’s nose.
They stood like that for awhile, faces pressed together, purring loudly as they reacquainted themselves with each other’s scent.
After a bit, they laid down on the porch, as Ambergaze’s joints started protesting to her leaping up and standing.
She listened as Cinder told her about her life, from her and Lily getting to their new home, meeting the other resident cat Hailey, who’d passed a few years before from old age. How she’d been like another mother to them, but they’d never forgotten Ambergaze.
How Lily was at home nursing her first litter, Cinder’s first long since adopted.
“That’s actually how I found you! I’ve been slowly making my way through the houses, looking for my kit Juniper, making sure she’s alright. She was a bit sickly as a kit, so I wanted to make sure she was ok, but I haven’t found her yet. But I thought I saw you in the window the other day, but had to head back home, but I made sure to come back, and it was you!”, Cinder said excitedly.
“I’d forgotten what the house looked like, I was really little when we lived here.”, she said.
Ambergaze nodded, chuckling slightly. “That you were. I’m so happy that you have a good life, Cinder. It’s all I ever wanted for you four.”, she said.
She’d never told her kits about the Clans. She’d told them about their father, their grandmother and aunt, but never about the Clans. It had been too painful.
So she’d never told them what had brought her to the Twolegplace, why they were born in a house instead of out on the moor.
Part of her wondered if she should tell Cinder. No, best to just let her live her life without wondering what could have been, or trying to find out and injuring herself.
Or getting sick.
They talked for a long time, until the sun started setting, the garden getting dark slowly.
Cinder leapt up, her ears pinned back. “Oh no, I need to get back. My housefolk will worry.”, she said.
Ambergaze smiled, standing on slightly shaky legs. “Of course. Tell your sister I said hello, and give her my love for me.”
“I will, Mama.”, Cinder said, pressing her nose against Ambergaze’s. “I’ll come back soon, maybe bring Lily with me to say hello!”, she said.
Ambergaze smiled and nodded, but deep down, she knew she wouldn’t see that. Something told her she wouldn’t.
“You take care, my dear. I love you so much, and I’m so glad I got to see you again.”, she purred.
Cinder smiled. “You too, Mama.”, she said, before she turned and bounded back across the garden, leaping up into the fence. She glanced back, waving her tail in farewell, before she disappeared over the fence.
~~~~~
It was three days later when Ambergaze fell asleep, and awoke in a sparkling forest.
She looked around, confused, before she went to stand up.
Her legs obeyed, her joints having lost their ache. She at first thought it was a dream, when she heard a voice.
“Hello, my love.”
Ambergaze turned quickly, her heart swelling, her paws stopping in their tracks at the sight of Blazehawk.
Her long lost mate smiled softly, stepping forward to press his nose into hers.
The pressure snapped Ambergaze out of her trance. Every dream she’d ever had, she’d never been able to feel Blazehawk.
“I’m… I’m dead, aren’t I?”, she asked softly.
Her mate smiled sadly. “Yes, my dear. This is StarClan’s forest.”, he said.
“But, but Cinder! And Lily! I wanted to see them again.”, she said.
“You knew you wouldn’t.”, Blazehawk said simply. “It’s alright. They’ll understand.”, he said.
Ambergaze suddenly felt fear course through her.
“Are… are you ashamed of me?”, she asked softly.
“Ashamed? Ambergaze, I thought you knew me better than that. I’d never be ashamed of you.”, he said, stepping forward to nuzzle her cheek briefly. “You did what was best for our kits. Yes, I would have liked them to grow up in a Clan, but that wasn’t possible.”, he said.
“The Clan.”, Ambergaze said with a soft gasp. “What happened to them?”
Blazehawk’s eyes turned sad. “They’re gone, Amber. Only you, and a few other cats escaped the sickness, but they all scattered to the winds. This is the only place they reunite now”, he said softly.
“Now come, enough worry about the past. There’s plenty of cats that want to see you.”
Ambergaze glanced behind her mate, to see Briarsnout, her mother; Squirrelflash, her sister; Darkfern, her old friend. Her heart swelled again.
She couldn’t change the fate of the Clans, couldn’t change the lives of her kits anymore, but she could enjoy the rest of time with her family that she’d lost, all those moons ago.
That was good enough for her.