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Post by Orion's Wrath on Sept 3, 2016 17:46:54 GMT -5
what do you need help with I'm sure I can help with what ever you choose
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Post by Mother Dark on Sept 3, 2016 17:53:30 GMT -5
Oh. Dawn and I were just wondering what we could do. I had to say goodbye to the place I grew up too. My family lost our house and we had to move two years ago
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Post by forestpaw on Sept 3, 2016 19:38:24 GMT -5
I'm back. I'll miss my grandparents old house and it's memories. They decided to move closer to us and the rest of the family as they got older. I'm happy for help! I'm just trying to get an intro that's different, yet doesn't change the history of the cats.
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Post by Orion's Wrath on Sept 3, 2016 19:49:18 GMT -5
ok
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Post by forestpaw on Sept 3, 2016 20:21:14 GMT -5
This Was my draft. I need help to make it different from most others.
The sun had just finished rising over the mountains, frog and bird calls echoed in between the trees, and the sound of a water fall could also be heard far off in the background, and finally, there was a cave by a near by cliff for wolves to watch over their land. It was a perfect place for a clan to grow strong in. You take it all in, before forcing yourself to move on. Suddenly, there's a snap of a small branch in the near by brush. You creep closer, your curiousity getting the best of you. You peek over the brush, only to find nobody there. "H-hello?" You call.
Three cats emerge from the shadows.
One of the the cats step forward, speaking in a serious tone, "who are you?" They ask sharply.
You quickly bow your head, "I'm so sorry! I-" you stammer, squeezing your eyes shut.
You suddenly feel a tail tip on your shoulder, you open your eyes to see another cat standing in front of you, their gaze soft, "come with us. You look lost."
You reluctantly follow them back to their camp. When you enter, you get many astonished and confused stares. The cat, who seemed to be leader, beckons for you to follow them to their den. You follow her, nervously looking around camp. Once inside the den you lay down and wait for the cat to speak again.
"Why have you come?" She asks while eying you.
You ponder in what to say for a bit before you finally speak, deciding the truth will be the best way out of this. "I needed somewhere to stay" you finally say, gaze confident.
The she cats stands, "wait here.." She meows before walking out of the den. She soon comes back with the others from the patrol.
"We have decided you can stay." She says calmly.
You jump up, "really?!"
The cat nods, and turns, "let's introduce you to the clan.
I'm starting another intro as well to make your cat have a purpose for coming into leapordclan's territory. I think I'm going into to much detail though.
For years the Warriors lived in their own clans peacefully in the mountains. Until a prophecy rang through the trees. "Greed is only the beginning. There will be war. And there will be grief." The clans spoke among themselves, but never could find a solution. The clans eventually shattered and fell, from fear of the prophecy.
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Post by Orion's Wrath on Sept 3, 2016 20:38:04 GMT -5
its good!
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Post by forestpaw on Sept 3, 2016 20:43:29 GMT -5
Which one? Lol
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Post by Orion's Wrath on Sept 3, 2016 20:45:38 GMT -5
the first paragraph I guess
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Post by forestpaw on Sept 3, 2016 20:57:59 GMT -5
We need to fix it though! What feed back do you have? ^^
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Post by Orion's Wrath on Sept 3, 2016 21:20:40 GMT -5
well for now I feel I want to change this
"why have you come?" She asks while eyeing you.
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Post by forestpaw on Sept 3, 2016 21:27:12 GMT -5
Lol okay. Anything else? How can I make it different from most other openings like the others said? I'm determined!
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Post by forestpaw on Sept 3, 2016 21:27:57 GMT -5
For years the Warriors lived in their own clans peacefully in the mountains. Until a prophecy rang through the trees. "Greed is only the beginning. There will be war. And there will be grief." The clans spoke among themselves, but never could find a solution. The clans eventually shattered and fell, from fear of the prophecy. The cl
This is another possible opening based on an actual warriors book.
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Post by Orion's Wrath on Sept 3, 2016 21:40:04 GMT -5
ok for starters I suggest changing it a little shorter or long I did two versions
well you can change it to "why have you come here?" she asks looking at you with questioning eyes, at least that's my opinion do you like it if not I can improve it.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2016 5:32:24 GMT -5
Sorry I haven't been on! n.n'
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Post by Mother Dark on Sept 5, 2016 5:39:42 GMT -5
I havent been on much either weekends are always busy and week days are getting busy too. School starts tomorrow
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2016 8:38:26 GMT -5
Good luck with school then!
I'm just going to scan the past page and see where and if I can help ^^
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Post by forestpaw on Sept 5, 2016 9:20:46 GMT -5
ok for starters I suggest changing it a little shorter or long I did two versions well you can change it to "why have you come here?" she asks looking at you with questioning eyes, at least that's my opinion do you like it if not I can improve it. I like it. I'll see what I can do to make it shorter |
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Post by Orion's Wrath on Sept 10, 2016 17:19:05 GMT -5
thanks,what else should I help with?
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Post by Mother Dark on Oct 8, 2016 16:28:46 GMT -5
Has anyone been on? School has been crazy. But I should be back on soon
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Post by Mother Dark on Dec 13, 2016 16:26:57 GMT -5
Hey everyone. Lol how's life?
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Post by Mother Dark on Dec 15, 2016 14:05:26 GMT -5
I can't seem to figure out what we were doing last on this
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DM me if u want
Oct 31, 2024 12:21:01 GMT -5
DM me if u want
Oct 31, 2024 12:21:01 GMT -5
