Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Jun 17, 2021 17:14:00 GMT -5
i am the cringe nae nae baby and this is my cave. bbcode incoming the cave of the cringe nae nae baby
hello, i'm zeph, previously known as soli, and HalfMoon123 before that. i joined the og wcf back in 2015 and was around until the forumpocalypse, and then i was too young to join this one until 2017. i joined as soli, did some dumb stuff, left again, returned, left, returned, left, and then returned again in 2020.
i'm an aspiring environmental scientist, but i'm currently in high school.
some of my other endeavors include music writing, making youtube video, making art, learning languages, and many more hobbies that i drop and pick up on a whim. i really like learning, though, that one's pretty consistent.
i'll put some links here in a bit.
y'all can feel free to post and talk to me but the rule is you can't be more cringe than me because i'm the king cringe around here
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Jun 17, 2021 18:03:42 GMT -5
miscellaneous thoughts:
私の名前はゼファーです。日本語を分かりません。けれども、私は日本語の学生です。パソコンは私の先生。
我学中文。我今日在不是精通，但我学。
la idioma que yo hablo el mejor (si que no es inglés) es español. soy una estudiante de español tres honores, mientras estudio japones y chino autodidacta (usualmente uso libros y busco en linea para estudiar, me gusta mucho los diccionarios visuales de DK). quiero estudiar coreano, filipino, y farsi también. (soy iraní y española, principalmente. soy danés también, pero no participo en la cultura danés.)
also i'm still reeling from the catharsis of finally talking about my experiences with family abuse in that corporal punishment thread. i've been keeping it to myself for the most part and it's been really hard to deal with unpacking all the trauma. especially since my dad just kinda tries to forget about it. he wasn't there when i was living with my mom during the divorce (when the abuse and neglect were at their very worst), but since my dad got custody of me and my siblings he's been neglectful. it hurts to say that because for some reason i'm scared that my dad will see this and vilify me. i know i'm not the best daughter out there, but sometimes i feel like i'm held more accountable than my parents when it comes to this type of thing. i'm stuck between feeling like a horrible person who's ungrateful for what i have and is greedy, who steals food and resources from those around me, and the rationalization of saying the neglectful upbringing has caused me to have food anxiety, and my actions are a survival mechanism. i still feel like i'm making excuses for myself, but sometimes i don't even know what i feel guilty for. i just feel guilty. first vent ig lmao
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Jun 17, 2021 18:07:27 GMT -5
"left again, returned, left, returned, left, and then returned again"
Yo-yo forum queen.
I really wanted to reply to your post in that thread but I didn't know how beyond pulling a Zuko Thats Rough Buddy. But I'm glad you're unpacking it.
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Jun 17, 2021 18:21:44 GMT -5
"left again, returned, left, returned, left, and then returned again" Yo-yo forum queen. I really wanted to reply to your post in that thread but I didn't know how beyond pulling a Zuko Thats Rough Buddy. But I'm glad you're unpacking it. yeah, that's understandable. i never really know how to respond to those types of things either.
to add more info about unpacking it: the main thing that got the ball rolling on me realizing i'm traumatized and unpacking my trauma was watching a video about the one vlog family who adopted a kid and then returned the kid (i think the stauffer family?) and one of the vids about it mentioned that a red flag of a neglectful household is if a kid hoards food bc it means that their source of food is inconsistent. i saw the video, looked at the food i was hiding in my closet, thought about my childhood, and came to a realization.
same thing with the jumpiness, i was looking at TV tropes and one of the things on fridge horror about steven universe was how peridot's mannerisms of being jumpy and flinching and responding to minor stimuli by throwing her hands up in defense is usually seen in kids who were raised in physically abusive households. i read that and was hit with another realization.
since then i've been talking to my therapist and giving my theories, and her being impressed that i came to those conclusions myself instead of her presenting them. then the psychiatrist or therapist tells my dad (with my permission ofc) and my dad goes "what i can't believe you were traumatized by living in a house so neglectful that there was a pooptub*! who could have known!"
so in short i think the trauma got tired of being in the storage unit and decided it would unpack itself, which is cathartic but tough.
*note: i did not poop in the pooptub, it was filled with legos and the 7 cats that lived at the house used it as a litter box bc their litter box was never clean. i always have to clarify because i say the word pooptub and everyone tries to jump to conclusions! i don't know what it is about me that makes people think i'm a culprit of pooptub. i am innocent.
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Jun 17, 2021 18:29:36 GMT -5
Me thinking about how I also hoard/ed food: ah shit.
That's still a thing I do now even.
I've never heard of a pooptub? Idk if I follow that.
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Transgender
dal
riffraff by jasvidal out now
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Post by dal on Jun 17, 2021 19:07:36 GMT -5
Me thinking about how I also hoard/ed food: ah shit. That's still a thing I do now even. I've never heard of a pooptub? Idk if I follow that. it's a bathtub with poop in it
essentially my mom had us store the legos in the bathtub so they wouldn't be everywhere, and then the cats thought it was meant to be used as a litterbox and used it as one. bc of it the bathroom was never clean, (i mean there was also cat shit around the house bc 7 cats and my mom would only really clean in her manic states, but the bathtub was where it was worst) there were multiple bug infestations (fleas, roaches, lice, gnats, mosquitos) and most of the stuff i had then had to be thrown away once i moved in with my dad bc everything was so dirty and infested with stuff
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Agender
#000000
Name Colour
Leapkit
Finder of Rare Friend Error
Derealizing for the forseeable future
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Post by Leapkit on Jun 17, 2021 19:14:13 GMT -5
Aw man that's awful. Probably also just ruined your legos.
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