Post by EthanTheAnnus on Aug 25, 2016 2:00:19 GMT -5
OMG first off I hate you Erins. The topic title can't be nearly as long on here as on the old forums (*Sob*)! Anyway, this is basically a thread for writing tips and other stuff. Also, I have a challenge here: Read the following two paragraphs fully if you can.
Hawkfeather was a light brown tabby tom. He had a single white forepaw and a black underbelly. One of his eyes was gold, the other a bright green. He was very good at hunting and almost always caught his prey. In fighting, he enjoyed the leap, rake and twist move. This is where you do a feint leap at the opposing warrior and as they reach up to attack you you slide under them and rake their stomach with your claws before twisting aside as they try to attack you. Hawkfeather also had this massive crush on Midpaw, but he wouldn't admit it. She hated him because of his multi-coloured eyes and his habit of finding other cats claws to use like knives in battle.
((Did ya get through all that? Well, how about this one!))
The girl was named Samara. She had a red eye and a black eye. She could make them both black or both red, but it took a lot of concentration. Besides, she liked them as different colours. It made her more mysterious and imposing to an enemy. She wore a deep blue t-shirt with a dragon and a bear on the front. The dragon was ripping open the bear's throat while the bear was slashing the dragon's wings. Samara was into that kind of stuff- blood and death and battles. Her leggings were light blue with red blood stain marks dripping down them. This had been when she had fought her rival, Pygon, but she didn't mind. It suited her and her personality. She had a knife hidden in the collar of her karki jacket, but she preferred the large sword at her belt. If things got really tough, she'd often pull her two knives from her boots. One was a sturdy saxe knife and the other was a throwing knife. She spoke with a harsh american accent and wore her hair in a ponytail with a blood-stained white ribbon.
Alright, who got through all that? Honestly, who did?((I do believe I'm obsessed with multi-coloured eyes)) To an author ((Or writer, whatever)) it's full of exciting details and very interesting facts. Now read this and see what you think.
Hawkfeather was a light brown tabby tom with a single white forepaw and a black underbelly. He was a great hunter and fighter, his favourite battle move being the leap, rake and twist. He had a crush on Midpaw, but he wouldn't admit it.
She was named Samara. She had different coloured eyes- one black, one red. Her deep blue t-shirt showed a bear and a dragon attacking each other and her light blue leggings were stained with blood from when she had fought Pygon. She had a lot of weapons hidden in her clothing, and her hair was tied back with a white blood-stained ribbon.
So, what do you think now? Also, just don't describe someone's eyes as "orbs". It marks you as a rookie writer.
Well, that's all I have to say((Cruse you, Erins!)) and have a nice day.
Thunder, out.
Hawkfeather was a light brown tabby tom. He had a single white forepaw and a black underbelly. One of his eyes was gold, the other a bright green. He was very good at hunting and almost always caught his prey. In fighting, he enjoyed the leap, rake and twist move. This is where you do a feint leap at the opposing warrior and as they reach up to attack you you slide under them and rake their stomach with your claws before twisting aside as they try to attack you. Hawkfeather also had this massive crush on Midpaw, but he wouldn't admit it. She hated him because of his multi-coloured eyes and his habit of finding other cats claws to use like knives in battle.
((Did ya get through all that? Well, how about this one!))
The girl was named Samara. She had a red eye and a black eye. She could make them both black or both red, but it took a lot of concentration. Besides, she liked them as different colours. It made her more mysterious and imposing to an enemy. She wore a deep blue t-shirt with a dragon and a bear on the front. The dragon was ripping open the bear's throat while the bear was slashing the dragon's wings. Samara was into that kind of stuff- blood and death and battles. Her leggings were light blue with red blood stain marks dripping down them. This had been when she had fought her rival, Pygon, but she didn't mind. It suited her and her personality. She had a knife hidden in the collar of her karki jacket, but she preferred the large sword at her belt. If things got really tough, she'd often pull her two knives from her boots. One was a sturdy saxe knife and the other was a throwing knife. She spoke with a harsh american accent and wore her hair in a ponytail with a blood-stained white ribbon.
Alright, who got through all that? Honestly, who did?
Hawkfeather was a light brown tabby tom with a single white forepaw and a black underbelly. He was a great hunter and fighter, his favourite battle move being the leap, rake and twist. He had a crush on Midpaw, but he wouldn't admit it.
She was named Samara. She had different coloured eyes- one black, one red. Her deep blue t-shirt showed a bear and a dragon attacking each other and her light blue leggings were stained with blood from when she had fought Pygon. She had a lot of weapons hidden in her clothing, and her hair was tied back with a white blood-stained ribbon.
So, what do you think now? Also, just don't describe someone's eyes as "orbs". It marks you as a rookie writer.
Well, that's all I have to say
Thunder, out.
