ᴛʜᴇꜱᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙɪɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏɢᴇᴛʜᴇʀ, ꜰᴏʀᴇᴠᴇʀ - H&S

Nico was prepared for the strikes to the face, not exactly liking the idea of letting Kelsier scar his face any more than he had already. There were already too many permanent marks due to his first encounter with the older Mistborn, and he didn’t intend to make the same mistakes now. He was not, however, prepared for the strike to his neck, so he stumbled back just in the nick of time, anger flaring in his eyes. He needed to be more careful. It was a good thing he hadn’t let up on the pewter, but he knew he needed to end this fight as soon as possible, otherwise he was going to run out, and then… well, that didn’t even bear thinking about.
He was more prepare for the heart strike, however that one did lightly graze his side. Not enough to do any real damage, just enough to infuriate Nico even more. Which, as far as Nico was aware, may have been as much part of the goal as killing him was. Fine. Two could play at that game. His eyes narrowed and he pressed everything he had into this fight. The last strike was a closer call than the others, but Nico managed to swerve out of the way just in time thanks to the heightened sense the tin gave him.
It was time for a new onslaught of attacks on Nico’s end. He wasn’t going to play around this time. Who cared if he had a secret anymore. He threw a coin down and Pushed, leaping up and behind Kelsier, jabbing his dagger towards the other Mistborn’s heart and then darting away, sending two coins flying in Kelsier’s direction with enough force to kill. He wasn’t great at short range fighting with the dagger, and his aim wasn’t perfect from further away. It seemed a midrange weapon may be more his style, but he was perfectly effective with what he had when it was honed by anger. Another coin sent towards Kelsier’s throat and then he lunged forward, dagger trained towards Kelsier’s ankle as though he intended to slice a tendon before Nico’s hand tilted up last minute and the strike become another one directed at the heart. If this didn’t work then he would do his best to incapacitate first. That might be better than direct kill shots.

Nico wasn’t about to lose this fight. He had already lost last time, and this… well, this was what he’d dedicated his entire being to. This revenge right here. Not becoming a weapon to punish Skaa, not being Minos’ plaything, but this. It was getting harder, Nico noted, and he needed to end the fight soon, before his pewter ran out, but that was a distant concern. His expression didn’t change once the dagger hit Kelsier’s chest. This was not enjoyable for him. He honestly didn’t want this, didn’t want to be a killer or a weapon, but his being here was, without a shadow of a doubt, Kelsier’s fault. Kelsier had robbed him of a normal childhood, of everything that he could have been. Without Kelsier, Nico likely would have never known he was a Mistborn. And that was a reality far preferable to the one Nico was living. He didn’t feel bad about his goal to kill Kelsier, but part of him wished he had never been set on this path in the first place.
Thinking, however, was just going to get him killed, so he pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind to be sorted out later. He couldn’t avoid all of the coins, so he Pushed away what he could, eyes widening in momentary pain as several others pierced his skin, just ast had in their first fight. He wasn’t going down that easy, though. He kept flaring Pewter, ignoring the injuries easily even despite the blood dripping down his sides. He didn’t have much time to avoid the throat strike so he looked around as fast as he could, Pulling on a nearby fence post just in time to avoid the strike. He Pushed off from it again moments later, his own dagger a flurry of movement. Feinting towards Kelsier’s throat, he then struck at the man’s ankles, hoping to incapacitate him enough that if a kill shot didn’t work then he still wouldn’t be able to fight to the best of his abilities. Then he threw down a coin and Pushed up, sailing over Kelsier and landing behind, jabbing quickly where the man’s heart would be, and then aiming his dagger so that if Kelsier turned around he could strike right where the man had injured him so badly the first time they had fought. Above the heart, where his lungs still sometimes struggled to pull in enough air. That would be fitting, Nico thought. If he was strong enough to turn the fight that much in his favor. He was already winning, he could tell, but it was close. They were both bleeding now, and angry. The fight had better end soon.

The satisfaction Nico had expected from landing the strikes didn’t come. It didn’t change anything, didn’t bring back Bianca, didn’t stop the endless pounding in Nico’s chest or the dread settled around his head… maybe that all would change when Kelsier was finally dead. Maybe then he could go back to Hades and demand a place next to his father… that would make things right, wouldn’t it? Hades could protect Nico from the Inquisitors after what he had done to Minos… he would never make Nico run himself ragged again… it would be better with Hades, he knew it would. He could feel his pewter running low, and he almost gasped as Kelsier dropped his vial. Nico had his own backup vial, and a tiny part of him told him to offer half of it to Kelsier, but… Kelsier was the enemy. Who cared if it was a fair fight? It hadn’t been a fair fight the time Kelsier had let Nico live.
Hands trembling, he leveled his dagger towards Kelsier, ready to strike. He couldn’t meet the other man’s eyes. Minos had been easy to kill, it had been heat of the moment, it had been after years of hard training and who knew how many falsehoods shoved into Nico’s brain. Kelsier should have been easy. He still hated him, of course, hated him even more because he didn’t remember, but…
He took a step forward, dark eyes blazing. “You killed my sister.” As hard as he tried not to let it, the hurt seeped into his voice. It was always there just underneath the surface, festering like an open wound. He wanted Bianca back. He wanted a life in which he’d never met Kelsier. “For nothing,” he added, trying to build back up his anger. It was hard when all he could find in the depth of his soul was exhaustion and the firm tension of a grudge that had kept him alive. “And you made the mistake of keeping me alive.” He knew he could Kelsier here and now. It would be easier than he had anticipated, and then he could go find somewhere quiet to stop flaring and recover. It might take a while after this fight, but he was used to that. Or at least he told himself he was, he didn’t think one could actually get used to something like this, even after years of it.
Another step forward, hands still trembling. Letting Kelsier know he was going to lose, as soon as Nico found the courage to strike again… he couldn’t pin Kelsier down, he was too small even with the pewter, but there was no way Kelsier was recovering from this one. “I just want to know why.” His voice sounded little and broken, and everything he’d tried to keep inside since that night. “I want you to tell me why you killed her.” Logically he knew why, but he needed to hear Kelsier say it. And then he would kill him.

Hope? Nico’s fingers shook. How could Kelsier possibly speak of hope? “You failed, then.” His voice was surprisingly steady, though the rest of him looked far from it. “My father is weakened by nothing.” It wasn’t a boast, just a statement of fact. From a boy who had learned to fear his father, or from one who desperately wanted his father to take him back. Or both. And Kelsier seemed ready, if not willing, to die. But he remembered Bianca’s name and Nico… Nico’s hand wouldn’t move forward, he… would it really be better if his father were weakened? Nico couldn’t believe that, right? He still had to believe in his father, that was the one steady thing in his life, besides this revenge. Which had just been turned on its head, because Kelsier’s answer shouldn’t have changed anything. And it didn’t, but Nico still didn’t understand.
And the hesitation cost him. The tin he was flared him allowed him to pick up on a sound a few blocks away. Because he knew that sound – it had once given him comfort, but now it chilled his blood. A Steel Inquisitor. He needed to get away. Now. But then he would leave Kelsier at the mercy of someone… well, someone who wouldn’t go easy on him. And as bad as being responsible for someone’s death was… this was far worse. He took a deep breath… if anyone was going to kill Kelsier, it would be him. That was what he told himself, at least. He knew it wasn’t quite the truth, but he only had a few seconds before he had to act. And act he did. He dropped the dagger, sheathing it and grabbing something else from his pocket: a vial of pewter. He downed half of it, then, before he could think better of it, he darted forward and forced the half empty vial into Kelsier’s hand. Thinking back onto the situation logically, Nico would have left the man there, but he wasn’t thinking logically. He was just reacting. Because the Steel Inquisitor could be after either of them. He would justify his actions to himself later – Kelsier would have given me away if I’d left him, he didn’t know what was coming, he just wanted to be the one to finish Kelsier off – but the truth was, he didn’t know why he did it. Heart racing in his head, he grabbed Kelsier around the chest and lifted him off the ground and just began running. As fast as he could go, flaring pewter all the way, knowing that this was something even Minos had warned him against doing.
He didn’t stop until he was far, far away. Further than he’d meant to go, perhaps, somewhere he didn’t think he’d ever been before. Nico fell to his knees, letting Kelsier fall beside him. He hoped that Kelsier had taken the pewter, could support himself now, but Nico wasn’t in great shape. He was almost at the bottom of his pewter and he was still flaring tin… he wasn’t going to be able to hold out much longer. Which meant that if Kelsier wanted to get rid of him… Nico lurched forward as his tin finally ran out and the world settled into dull normalcy. He felt blinded, almost, by how much vision had left him, and his ears were ringing… but it was better than passing out. Which was going to happen shortly, as soon as he ran out of pewter. Which meant he had to find a way to get away from Kelsier. That wasn’t going to be particularly easy, especially as Nico found it almost impossible to force himself off the ground. So this was how he died, he observed distantly.

Nico didn’t know why he had done it. He could have left Kelsier there to be killed by a Steel Inquisitor, or even just killed him quickly himself, but… he hadn’t. And Kelsier was doing well enough that he could stand. Nico half expected him to make some sort of final strike. A side effect of the consistent flaring of pewter was that the wounds Nico had sustained during their fight were almost healed, not a danger to his health anymore. But he was vulnerable and weak and his vision was going black around the edges. Kelsier’s voice broke through the fog, quiet through the ringing in his ears, but still definitely audible. A humorless laugh forced its way out of the boy, as though what Kelsier was saying was so absurd it was almost funny.
“Guess you’re not the only one that failed,” he murmured, and his voice sounded strange to him. There was something about Kelsier’s voice, though. The sincerity in it that really didn’t need to be there, but it was and Nico didn’t understand… and he found that he wanted to. Right now, though, that was the least of his concerns as he stopped flaring pewter and let everything he’d done while flaring to crash back into his body. He curled in on himself, the burden of the fighting and running almost too much on his body. He hadn’t realized just how much effort he’d expended until it was all laid bare on him and he felt like he couldn’t even lift a muscle. He wanted to burn pewter to make it better, but he knew that could really only compound it all more. Minos had warned him that overextending himself could be dangerous, but he had also encouraged him to do it in the right situations. Did this count as one of those? He had failed. He hadn’t even managed to kill the man who had slain his sister.
Nico was tempted to give in to the blackness burning at the edges of his vision, but he knew he couldn’t afford to. He might not wake up if he did. But maybe he would feel better when he woke if he just let himself slide towards unconsciousness.
“I’m sorry,” he managed, though he didn’t know what he was apologizing for. For attacking Kelsier? How could he regret that, when he had made it his life’s goal for the past year and a half? For not succeeding in killing him? For that, too, but it didn’t seem like that was exactly what he meant. He didn’t even know for sure what he meant by the apology, just that he had to get it out there. “The… the Inquisitor could still be after us.”
Us. Was that what he had done? Made it an ‘us?’ A ‘we?’ That was a terrifying sentiment. It… could be useful, though. If he got on Kelsier’s good side, then he could easily betray him and regain his father’s respect. He would have a proper home again, he wouldn’t ever have to kill the way he had been trained to. As strange as it sounded, he didn’t want to kill anyone. Except Minos, the time he had managed it, and Kelsier. He clung to the thought that he still wanted to kill Kelsier. It was enough to keep him clinging to reality even as it slipped away from him breath by breath.
There were some things that a body just wasn’t built to handle. Doing so much while flaring was certainly one of those things. Nico took in another deep breath, letting the blackness at the corners of his gaze flood through the rest of his vision as he slipped from consciousness. He didn’t admit it out loud, but the truth was he didn’t expect to wake up. Either because of Kelsier or because of the toll the flaring had taken on his body. Truthfully, he doubted Kelsier would be around if he woke up. He thought him dying here was an absolute. Which just made it harder to let himself loosen his grip on consciousness. But he was torn away from it before he could even decide whether to keep holding on.

Nico jolted awake. His dreams had been clawed and sharp, pushing at him and tearing him down and confusing matters even more. Kelsier had said he hadn’t failed, but how was that possible? Of course Kelsier would view it that way, because he was still alive, and now Nico had nothing. The want for revenge was still burning deep inside him, wanting to take from the world just as much as it had taken from him. As much as Kelsier had taken from him. He shifted, every muscle screaming against him. Where was he? Had the Steel Inquisitor gotten to them? He was cold, he noticed distantly, pulling his tattered old noblemen’s clothes closer around them as though that would make any difference.
Where was he? He was tempted to burn tin, but he realized moments later that he didn’t have any metals left to burn. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still a fearsome opponent if it came down to it, it just meant that there were too many people who likely had an advantage over him. Especially if Kelsier was still around. Given that Nico was still alive and not locked up somewhere, he figured that Kelsier must have been somewhere nearby. Otherwise the Inquisitor definitely would have had his way with Nico, especially knowing that Nico had killed Minos. Would that thought ever become less unsettling? Part of Nico hoped not – he didn’t want killing to be second nature to him, ever. But he did want the guilt about Minos’ death to go away. How many lives had he saved in killing Minos? Even if it had been for a selfish reason.
It was then that Nico realized he wasn’t alone. There were others in the room, some of them casting wary glances in his direction, and none of whom he recognized. That wasn’t a big surprise. He had been kept away from people since Minos had taken him in, to prevent him from forming any negative opinions of his mentor, Nico assumed. Or maybe not. Maybe they were just lesser, because they all appeared to be Skaa. But that wasn’t really the case, was it? Nico clenched his fists, letting his nails dig into his skin as he tried to sort through the thoughts swimming around in his head. He didn’t know what was true when it came to the Skaa and the noblemen, he really didn’t. How much of what Minos had told him was actually true, and how much was to just get him to almost kill people, pushing him further and further past his breaking point? Surely not everything Minos had said was a lie, but then he had lied about trying to help Nico kill Kelsier. He hadn’t ever actually cared about Nico’s revenge.
He kept as close to the wall as he could, eyeing the people around him like any one of them might attack. He wouldn’t be surprised if they did – Skaa who were left on their own too much had a tendency to get aggressive, at least that was what Nico had been taught. They needed to be disciplined, to be kept in line. And Nico may have been powerful, but he wasn’t good at that. He wasn’t good at other people, or making them do what he wanted – and he didn’t want to try his chances here, where many of them had likely heard who he was. He knew that he was in no shape to fight, and everyone in the room seemed ready to at less than a moment’s notice. It was… well, intimidating was one word for it. Not that he would ever show it.
From the outside, he knew he looked like a scared little boy, back up against the wall, waiting for an attack. Inside… well, that wasn’t far from the truth. It wasn’t like he had a plan… or any metals to help him get out of this situation or even to warn him where an attack may be coming from. He felt exteremly out of his depth. For the first time he wanted to see Kelsier, if only to assure himself of a familiar enemy.

Nico wondered how much Kelsier had told these people. If he had to guess? Not much. Not much other than ‘oh, by the way, this nobleman tried to kill me but circumstances have changed, you’re going to have to live with him here for a little bit.’ Judging on the body language Nico could see, Kelsier was comfortable around them, which probably spoke volumes about the kind of people they were. Or, it would have if Nico could figure out what kind of person Kelsier was. The only thing Nico was sure about was that he hated him. Hated him for killing Bianca, yes, but most of all hated him for sparing his life not once but twice. Or rather, not just spared his life the second time, but brought him here. It would have been so easy to just leave him where he passed out and claim no responsibility for his death. If he were to be found by the Steel Inquisitor it would be on nobody but himself. Kelsier’s hands would be clean, and then Nico wouldn’t be a problem to him anymore. Yet he had taken him here, among people he seemed to trust, where he could wreak the most damage if he were allowed to. Nico’s heart was racing in his chest as quickly as thoughts were flinging themselves around his head, trying to make sense of it all.
He tensed, pinning each person in the room with as intense a glare as he could muster, despite the fact he felt he was practically paralyzed, especially as they began speaking.
Every first impression Nico had formed of the group melted away, replaced only by this: they were all threats, and threats Nico knew he couldn’t get through. Not without metals to burn at least. Second, none of them had taken advantage of his vulnerability to kill him. He hadn’t expected to wake up. He knew that, and Kelsier knew that, and the rest of the room probably did too. He could keep silent and hope that the moment passed, hoped that eventually they’d all go away and he’d be able to leave, or at least ask Kelsier why he was still alive, but that wasn’t happening. He may have been young, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew these people weren’t going to leave him alone no matter what he did, so he may as well speak his mind. He had a feeling no matter what he did he wasn’t making it out of this room alive, despite Kelsier having saved him.
“Your guess is as good as mine.” The words, filled with acid and vitriol, were directed at Breeze, though Nico was making direct eye contact with Kelsier. Trying to read him. Trying to glean an answer to the question Breeze had asked. The question Breeze had been right to ask.
And then someone else was moving, standing up and coming closer. He wasn’t the oldest in the room (that would be the man with the most scars, if Nico had to guess), nor the most powerful (that was, without a doubt, Kelsier), but he seemed to have the respect of the others in the room the way that the man who had spoken first didn’t seem to. Something in Nico’s chest tightened as the man first said something to Kelsier and then drew nearer to him. Was Nico trembling? Even he couldn’t quite tell. He was receiving dozens of cues from his body that all seemed to melt together into two thoughts: ‘ow’ and ‘please stop.’ What he had done had taken a deeper toll on him than he would ever admit.
But the man stopped. Far enough away that Nico didn’t move back any further (not that he could have, there was a wall in the way). And his voice was gentle and almost kind, and Nico hated it. It reminded him of Kelsier’s voice once he had stopped Flaring, the softness in it when he had told him not to apologize, the… the softness of it, no anger or hate or indifference. They didn’t have the right to care about Nico. He was on the opposite side of this fight, from both of them. They were supposed to be enemies. Don’t fool yourself, Nico’s thoughts hissed, you gave up on your side when you killed Minos. So maybe he didn’t have a side, but the fact remained that he wasn’t on the same side as Kelsier or Sazed, and they were still… still like this. And Nico hated it.
“Why should I tell you?” Nico snapped, hoping Sazed would go away. Hoping Sazed wouldn’t go away. Knowing that Sazed had done nothing to deserve his harsh tone. Everything had been flipped upside down, and Nico wanted to go back to how it was, even if it was all a lie. No, he wanted to go forward and figure out the truth about the Skaa, about Mistborns, about his family’s role in this whole mess.
He felt like a caged animal, and he probably looked it too. Frightened, baring its teeth, willing to bite if anything came too close, but completely harmless if you stayed just a few inches away from the cage. Every so often his gaze would fix itself on Kelsier, not quite caring that the Mistborn could probably tell. He couldn’t read anyone in this room, but he didn’t really care about them. They were strangers, they wouldn’t even have names in his memories if he made it out of this. But he wanted answers from Kelsier. He wanted information of any kind, he wanted… well, he still didn’t really know what he had wanted. He just knew it would probably have been better for everyone in the room if Kelsier had just left him for the Inquisitor to find.

“No,” Nico whispered, still managing to be audible for most of the room. “It’s not the best option for you.” They had to all know that, right? He didn’t move from where he was, didn’t do anything besides look between the men watching him. Sazed being kind was an issue to focus on another day. Or… in a few moments once he made himself perfectly clear. “The best option would have been for Kelsier to leave me for the Inquisitor.” Really, the best option for everyone in the room as far as Nico could see. They wouldn’t have to worry about him becoming a threat again, at least. It wouldn’t have been terribly difficult either. “The Inquisitors are after me too,” he said, fixing Ham with his sharp, frightened gaze. He didn’t think he needed these people to trust him, but he knew he didn’t want them to get the wrong idea about who he was. Not that he knew what the right idea would be anymore… “I killed Lord Minos.” It wouldn’t take them too long to verify that statement if they wanted to – he hadn’t exactly been subtle about it. It hadn’t been an assassination, and it hadn’t been premeditated, it had just… happened. And Nico didn’t know how to cover his trail. That information at least would force the others in the room to call into question some of what they thought of him, he hoped. Nico didn’t have a plan beyond that. What happened when they believed him? What was his end goal here?
Kill Kelsier. That was the only thing that made sense right now, and he had to have something to cling onto, something to push himself towards, right? And that had been his goal for the past two years. Kill Kelsier, and then figure everything out from there. It was easiest to just hold onto that thought and roll with it. When he had a chance, he would kill Kelsier. When he had a chance, if he didn’t die first. He would be everything these men were afraid he would be. Not that they gave him much credit yet. They hadn’t been at the fight, though. They hadn’t seen how close he had come before everything went downhill. Before Nico had proven himself too weak. He wasn’t going to be that weak again, not since Kelsier had given him a second chance.
And he was afraid of Kelsier. Terrified, really. But not because of how Kelsier had fought. Nico had proven himself a worthy opponent, after all. What scared him was that he couldn’t read Kelsier. What scared him was that he was entirely at the man’s mercy. What scared him was he couldn’t reconcile the Kelsier who had slaughtered Bianca in cold blood, who had left Nico to die or grow up broken with the Kelsier who had saved his life, who had brought him here and told him not to be sorry, who had risked a lot to take him here. What scared him was he didn’t know which way was up and it was Kelsier’s fault. What scared him most of all was he hadn’t managed to kill Kelsier, he had saved him instead. He had been the one to put Kelsier in danger in the first place, but still. And with all of that, he really needed a lifeline. Something solid to climb towards, and all he had was ‘kill Kelsier.’ There was no anger behind it anymore, just desperation.
Distantly, Nico heard Kelsier’s words to Ham, and his brow creased. Who had Kelsier said he was?
Finally, he focused his gaze on Sazed then wrenched his eyes away towards the ground instead. “Yes,” he muttered, feeling very small. There was so much he didn’t understand, so much he couldn’t fit into the way he’d seen the world before. “Please,” he added, pulling his arms around him as though he could shield himself from the rest of the room. It was a word he wouldn’t have afforded on the others, but Sazed had been kind. Kinder than anyone Nico had met, almost in his entire life. “You don’t have to lie, though,” he added, so only Sazed could hear, “I know none of you would ever let me really be alone. The risk’s too high.”

Nico hated the feeling of being discussed. He knew that whatever conclusion Dockson and Kelsier reached together would secure his fate, and he knew that he wouldn’t just be thrown out. Being thrown out meant that he was still a danger to Kelsier and the others, especially if he knew where he was. He could easily kill all of them with that information, and that was a risk that none of them were probably willing to take. They were discussing his death sentence right in front of him. He didn’t feel Breeze’s influence on him – well, didn’t recognize it for what it was, at least. He was used to having his emotions exacerbated rather than soothed, and he even if he were to recognize it, he wouldn’t have been able to explain it well enough to pin it on someone in the room. What reason could they have for making him feel less afraid?
And then Nico didn’t have to think about the way his fear seemed to be easing because Dockson’s attention was turned towards him and Nico really wished it weren’t. They were all suspicious of him, it seemed, but with Dockson it felt a little more intense. Like Dockson would be the first to strike if Nico did anything even resembling an attack on Kelsier or the others. Of course, he wasn’t exactly keen on testing that hypothesis.
“I don’t know,” he replied quietly, because he didn’t. “But nobody deserves to be at the mercy of an Inquisitor.” He didn’t know how much Kelsier had told them, didn’t know if they knew about that part, but they’d have to puzzle it out if they didn’t. He was about to try to search his brain for more, but Sazed interrupted. Gratitidue and relief rushed through Nico. Of course, he would rather not be questioned at all, but later was better than right now. Despite Sazed’s reassurance that the fruit in his room – his room, a concept that didn’t really make sense to him – wasn’t poisoned, he wasn’t exactly tempted to try it. Nonetheless, he wanted to get a little bit of sleep before facing these people again, if only to try to see if he could get his body to stop hurting quite so much. Flaring like that hurt and he didn’t think the others were aware of what exactly he’d done. Or maybe they just didn’t care. That made sense too.
Eventually he wanted to speak to Kelsier. Alone. He doubted such a luxury would be given him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t able to ask for it, after he’d rested a bit. He wanted to ask the questions that were burning at him, wanted to try to understand what exactly he was doing here, wanted someont to yell and scream and blow up at because really, he was at the end of his rope.
“Could I have some tin?” Nico asked Sazed quietly. He knew the answer would probably be no. It was a metal, it would allow him to do Allomancy, and Allomancy made him a threat. They wouldn’t let him have it if they were smart. On the other hand, there wasn’t much he could do with tin. He would have much preferred pewter, but he wasn’t stupid enough to ask for it. It was just that he would feel safer with tin at his disposal. He wouldn’t feel quite so blind and helpless, and Minos had drilled into him over and over and over again that if he didn’t have any metals he was dead in the water. He had taught him to always be prepared to flare one at any moment, because it could save his life no matter what metal it was. He was prepared for the answer to be no, but there really was no harm in asking. If he had been asked by a prisoner he would have said no. Even if it was harmless, why give in and give them what they wanted?

“I don’t care,” Nico retorted, because there was no reason to stop being honest now. “If I’d done what I’d been trained to do, he’d be dead. But I didn’t, and, like I said, nobody deserves to be at the mercy of an Inquisitor. If I thought he’d be stupid enough to return the favor, maybe I wouldn’t have done it.” The last bit was entirely bravado. He didn’t have those kinds of answers. He just had the fact that both he and Kelsier were alive, again, and that wasn’t what was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be a fight to the death, and it nearly was until he had faltered. In another world he may have met these people under different circumstances. Maybe they would have taken revenge against him for killing their friend. He wouldn’t put it past them. And then what? It would be over, because Nico didn’t have anyone who’d avenge his death. He didn’t have anyone who cared if he was alive. The weight of it was enough that Nico’s expression faltered, letting some of the fear show again. Some of the lostness.
Under different circumstances, he might have liked these people. They joked with each other so easily, even in the face of a situation none of them knew how to deal with. Nico wanted that, he wanted somewhere where he could find levity, or hope, or even just acceptance. He’d never had that except with Bianca. Maybe he could have that with Hades if he brought him Kelsier’s head, but would that make up for killing Minos? It wasn’t like both Minos and Hades were allies, exactly, but they were on the same side in the noblemen vs. the Skaa. And Nico was only just beginning to understand that there was a war there, even if it didn’t seem like the Skaa were making much headway.
“Thank you,” he murmured, turning his attention back towards Sazed. He took the vial, careful to avoid brushing his hand against the older man’s. Nico hesitated, glancing behind him at the rest of the room. He clutched the vial as though it could prevent any of them from attacking him from behind – at least if he had the tin in his system he’d be able to tell in advance, but he hadn’t actually ingested it yet. It was hard, forcing himself to turn away and follow Sazed. The door seemed so far away, and Nico didn’t particularly want to move, but he also didn’t want to deal with the others there. There was too much to think through, too much to deal with… none of them believed him. None of them should have believed him, but he wasn’t lying. He really hadn’t told one lie since he’d opened his eyes. Though… he really hadn’t said much, either. He’d given no indication he wouldn’t try to kill Kelsier again. In fact, he’d probably made them think he was outright planning on it. Why had Kelsier brought him here?
Fine, it made sense that he had saved him from the Inquisitor. A life for a life, they were even again. There was a running tally in Nico’s head: He had saved Kelsier, Kelsier had saved him. Kelsier had spared him, he had spared Kelsier. But they weren’t actually even, because Kelsier had killed Bianca, and Kelsier had brought him here to deal with these people who surely all wanted him dead. But he could have taken him literally anywhere else. He could have abandoned him in the middle of nowhere and just left, secure in the knowledge that Nico probably wouldn’t come after him right away. Or ever.
Everyone in the room seemed to be completely ignoring the fact that Nico hadn’t attacked Kelsier out of cold blood. Kelsier had killed Bianca. He’d almost killed Nico. And maybe he had thought he had good reason, but that didn’t… that didn’t really matter, did it? It couldn’t bring her back.
He hadn’t lied. He hadn’t lied. He… he followed Sazed slowly, stomach plummeting as he was forced to turn away from the other men. From Kelsier, who really should have just taken his third shot to kill Nico and gone for it while his back was turned.
Did they even believe him about Minos? Probably not. His hand clenched into a fist at his side as they left the room, resigning himself to what was probably going to be a very short rest of his life. At least the man who had appointed himself to be Nico’s first guard didn’t seem to be the worst of them. At least he wouldn’t insist upon interrogating Nico through the door. Not that Nico would be particularly easy to interrogate – he planned on taking as long a nap as he could get away with to heal the effects of flaring pewter for so long.

Nico forced himself to hold eye contact with Dockson, and then with Kelsier when both men looked at him. It was hard – he wanted to look away, wanted to hide, wanted to do what had been trained into him over and over and over again. If someone is your superior, you don’t look them in the eye. You keep your gaze downcast so as to show respect. But as commanding as both Dockson and Kelsier were, he knew they were looking for something, and he knew that, as of right then, he didn’t owe them his respect. So he fought the urge to look away, instead letting himself be seen, first by Dockson, then by Kelsier. He didn’t know if he was good at hiding things – he had never really had reason to keep secrets or lie until now, so he figured he was probably easy to read. Frankly, though, if Dockson was convinced Nico was lying, chances were he wasn’t going to find any truth in Nico’s expression anyway. People found reasons to believe what they wanted to believe, even if it wasn’t the truth.
It hurt Nico to see how much the men truly seemed to care about Kelsier. Unconditionally. Even in the worst of circumstances, they were prepared to help him, to give him advice, to help him figure out what the hell he was doing bringing home a kid who had tried to kill him. Trying, perhaps, to work out if Kelsier had lost his mind bringing Nico back with him. It didn’t seem like a terribly farfetched explanation from what Nico had seen, but what did he know?
What Nico hadn’t expected, however, was what was in Kelsier’s eyes when he met them. He had expected some sort of master plan, some sort of ‘I know more than you do’ look that would foretell exactly what he meant to do now that Nico was here, but he found none of it. There was just concern. Concern unlike anything he’d ever been shown by Minos or his father… what right did Kelsier have to be concerned about a kid who had tried to kill him? Because Nico had tried, and he wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t try again. Try as he might, he couldn’t hold Kelsier’s gaze for as long as Kelsier held his. He wrenched it away, heart racing, feeling like Kelsier had been able to read him far more easily than Dockson had. What Kelsier had seen was primarily fear, but a little bit of regret and a whole lot of confusion and desperation. Because Nico didn’t understand why he was still alive.
Nico turned his attention towards Breeze, filing the information away for later. What was Kelsier normally like? What was ‘normally’? When he wasn’t killing children for his cause? Deep down, Nico knew that wasn’t quite fair. Bianca had been an exception when Nico had followed Kelsier’s patterns. But it had been the exception that had absolutely shattered Nico’s world.
He seemed about to say something, maybe, until he felt Ham come too close behind him. He sucked in a breath of air, wishing he had a weapon of some sort just so people would give him a wide berth. He shrank in on himself as though that could increase the amount of space he had around him. He obviously hadn’t fooled anyone with his bravado, and they were likely going to kill him anyway, so he didn’t really care if they saw him doing what he had to in order to survive. Making himself as small as possible, trying to avoid the feeling of Ham pressing in on him. It made him feel a little bit better. But only a little bit.
“You’d rather be dealing with me than mourning your friend,” Nico murmured to Ham once they were out of the room. He hoped it didn’t set off the man, but it needed to be said. Silently, he added what he assumed everyone in the room was thinking besides, I’ll probably be dead in a few days anyway. There wasn’t even a question about that in his head.
He followed Sazed silently the rest of the way, stumbling once when his tired body failed to recognize an uneven floorboard. He caught himself in time and kept walking as though nothing had happened. And then Sazed opened the door and Nico was floored.
“You apologize?” he demanded incredulously, looking around the space. Two years ago he would have scoffed and turned it down, but a lot had happened in two years. He may have still been dressed like a nobleman (albeit in tatters) but it didn’t seem like he’d shared their lifestyle recently. “I…” the boy was speechless. It was an actual bed and an actual pillow. He hadn’t slept well two years, hadn’t ever had enough time to find a bed to sleep in. Minos’ house, if it could even be called that, had the Lord’s bedroom, and a guest bedroom that Nico wasn’t allowed in. He’d learned to sleep in the three or four hours he got in between training every day, wherever he could find to lay his head down. The ground, mostly. He took a shaky, spellbound step forward before looking back at Sazed. He wanted to say something, but he truly had no words. He didn’t know if he trusted the water or the fruit, but it was there, and there was a real bed and a pillow… and for some reason Nico was afraid he might start crying. “It’s alright, I guess,” he lied, throat closing up. The first lie he’d told since getting there. “Just leave me alone now.”
Thank you, he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to feel like he owed Kelsier’s friends anything. Why give me a room at all? he wanted to ask, but he didn’t want to open up that conversation. I don’t understand, he wanted to say, but he was pretty sure Sazed already knew that.

Nico watched Sazed leave, still clinging to the vial of tin he’d been given. Maybe if he’d had it he would have heard what Sazed said to Hammond, but he didn’t. He’d just have to live with that. It was probably something he didn’t want to know - ways to kill him if the questioning didn’t go well, he assumed. Ways to kill him even if the questioning did go well. He watched Hammond for a moment, surprised when the man did speak.
“Pewter drag?” He repeated, confused. It wasn’t a term he had ever heard before. He assumed Hammond wouldn’t answer, though, so he didn’t wait to see if he would. Instead, he let the attributes that Hammond described roll over him. He was confused. As far as he knew, those were just the symptoms of being an Allomancer, not of doing anything particularly special. Either way, he wasn’t going to complain at an opportunity to take a nap. If they were going to come in and kill him, then… well, it wasn’t like anyone would care. Maybe it was just making the inevitable happen a little sooner.
He watched Hammond leave, looking at the way the lock turned behind him. Interesting, he thought, that the lock had been built to keep people in rather than to keep them out. Or maybe it was meant to do both. Hammond. The name rolled over and over in his head. Sazed. Hammond. Kelsier. Docks. And a few names he didn’t know yet. He thought he had heard the man in nobleman’s clothes called Breeze, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t say anything, just watched the door before glancing at the bed. It had to be a trap, right? He grabbed the pillow and curled up on the floor, waiting for dreams to come.

Nico was aware of blood on his hands. A knife falling from them, and a body thudding. He turned in the darkness, his gaze catching on a face. He stumbled back a few steps, eyes shooting open and breath coming in short, hard gasps. He realized distantly he was on the ground, right where he was falling asleep. Soaked in sweat and breathing hard, but that was good. That meant it had just been a nightmare.
He picked himself up off the ground, aware of how much he was trembling. He was tempted to go for the water, but he didn’t know if he was allowed to. Sazed had implied he was, but… he didn’t know what the rules were around here. He was used to rules being something you figured out by messing them up and being punished for it. In Minos’ world, it may have been a rule not to accept hospitality, even if Minos had told him to help himself. Nico wasn’t in the mood to risk it.
Instead, he downed the vial of tin, flaring it in order to shock himself back into the real world. It worked. There was Hammond, outside, breathing softly. He could hear vague whispers - not well enough to make out words, of course - coming from somewhere else, but he didn’t give those much thought. Instead, he approached the door and quietly sat down, his back to it. He would never admit it, but it was helpful to have someone else alive in the area. Nico could focus on Hammond’s breathing to steady his own, and nobody would be the wiser.
He sat like that for a few moments, sucking air in and releasing it before a terrible, stupid idea entered his head.
“Hammond?” He asked through the door, voice scarcely more than a whisper. What was he doing? This was stupid. This was going to get him killed even quicker. But he found he didn’t want to be completely alone. He soldiered on. Whatever he said next would be reported to Kelsier, he knew. There was no privacy here. “Have you ever killed someone?”

“Right,” Nico murmured in response to the affirmation he received. Oddly enough, it didn’t quite seem like Ham wanted to kill him. That wasn’t why he had asked, but it was good to know. He wondered if Ham could tell why he had asked. Because he knew he had done the right thing, killing Minos. Because it saved other lives, right? Nico grit his teeth, trying to wrap his head around the enormity of what he had done. He couldn’t stop seeing Minos’ face. Sometimes it morphed into Bianca’s face. More recently it took Kelsier’s shape sometimes, and Nico wasn’t sure why. Death… death was terrifying. It felt like it followed him, pointing fingers, mocking him and crowing over him that he had decided it was within his rights to take someone else’s life away. Feeling something wet on his face, Nico lifted a finger and realized that at some point he must have started crying. Quietly enough that Ham probably wouldn’t be able to hear it. What was wrong with him? Competent people moved through life just fine after taking someone else’s life. Kelsier did it. Kelsier still managed to smile, knowing his body count. How could he joke so easily among his friends when he knew how many lives he had ended. He figured it took a very cruel man to shrug life off like it was nothing. To kill a child who had done nothing. What did that say about Nico, that he couldn’t bring himself to end Kelsier’s life? That he couldn’t do what he was asked when he had been with Minos?
He had been told to kill more people than he could count. Frightened people who needed to be killed to keep the rest of the Skaa in line. He didn’t think he’d ever been able to kill any of them. What if he had, though? What if he had and he just hadn’t realized it and he had more blood on his hands than he could wash off? Get a grip, he heard Minos’ voice warn him in that cold, uncaring way he had. People die. Grow up. Do something about it. Do something with your life. He swallowed back his tears. He was too old to let himself lose it like that. Over what? Guilt? Regret?
“How do you know what’s right?” He asked, managing to keep his tears from affecting the sound of his voice. Or at least… hopefully managing it. He squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to bite back the words. He knew it probably sounded like he wanted to figure out whether it was right to kill Kelsier. Which… he couldn’t care less whether it was right. It was the only thing grounding him in reality at the moment, he didn’t give a damn if it was right or wrong. That was what he told himself, knowing that it wasn’t the whole truth. “I just mean…” No, he couldn’t make this better. Because any line of questioning ended in one solution: Nico dying would probably be best for everyone. He deserved it, he had taken a life. He hadn’t done it to protect someone or avenge someone. He’d done it because he was afraid and selfish and he’d gotten angry. And when he did have a reason to kill someone… he froze. He couldn’t do it. He was probably the saddest excuse for a Mistborn there was – that was what Minos would have hammered home, anyway. “Forget it,” he managed after several more moments. He wanted to get up and punch something, but he wasn’t going to. He was going to sit quietly until he was questioned. He was going to accept his fate with as much dignity as he could, because that was what Hades would have expected of him, and deep down he was still his father’s son.
He was silent for several long moments before he spoke again. “I’m sorry she died.” It wasn’t covered up by any of the pity and delicateness people usually used when speaking about something like that. “I’m glad that Mistborn can’t do any more harm,” he added after another little bit of silence.
Another long bout of silence before Nico pressed the back of his head against the door, wishing he could just stop thinking. Wishing he could have answers without having to struggle for them. Without questioning everything he knew.
“Do… do you think my sister’s death gave people hope?” That was what Kelsier had said, and Nico… well, Nico didn’t understand. He still didn’t. Kelsier was a fool if he thought that anyone could weaken Hades. If he thought that angering Hades would do anything but make him more untouchable. Maybe if he heard someone explain how he’d know, but deep down he didn’t think anyone would be able to give a decent explanation. Bianca had died for nothing. There was no getting around it. If Kelsier wanted to think that Bianca’s death had done anything good… he was a fool. Hades had just become harsher, more cruel, and as cliché as it sounded, a light had been taken out of the world. Nico had been plunged into darkness. And he just wanted an answer for why, even though he knew it was cruel of him to ask Ham. Ham wouldn’t know. Even Kelsier didn’t.

Nico stared at the wall, doing his best to process Ham’s answer. Somehow, Ham was still answering, despite the nature of the questions Nico was asking, and for that he was grateful. If he were in Ham’s place he would have stopped answering ages ago. Actually, he doubted he would have answered at all. Somehow, though, hearing any answers that were different from what Minos would have said felt like a breath of fresh air. Nico didn’t know who he could trust. Minos had manipulated him, so it went to follow that Ham was doing the exact same thing. In different ways, it seemed, but manipulation was manipulation. But was it really as bad if it didn’t seem like anyone was going to be hurt by Ham’s manipulation? At least nobody was going to have to die – yet, at least. And what Ham was saying was confusing, but no more confusing than what Nico already had running through his own head. It was almost a welcome break from the thousands of mixed up thoughts bouncing around in there, all of them pressing and life-threatening all at the same time.
“Good,” was all Nico managed. He didn’t know if he could live with it if Ham had said that Bianca’s death had given people hope. Because as awful as it sounded, he just needed the confirmation that he was right – she had died for nothing. And as soon as he acknowledged that, as soon as he had confirmation of it… well, he could start to move on, right? Please, Bianca, he prayed silently, give me a sign that I’m doing the right thing. Tell me that I’m not messing up by avenging you. Or… or tell me that it’s okay to let it go. Please. Please, please… Not that Bianca would ever hear that prayer. There was no confirmation that her spirit even existed in some form. He supposed that was another philosophical question Ham would likely love to sink his teeth into, if his thoughts about right and wrong had been any indication. The truth was… Nico wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to Kelsier. He knew he needed to, but he was afraid he would leave with more questions than answers. Because right now he was pretty sure that at some point he wanted to kill Kelsier still. Talking to him would surely change that. But was he so weak willed that Kelsier could persuade him against what he’d devoted his life to in one conversation? Or had Nico already dissuaded himself. The situation was so complicated it hurt to think about.
“If my right is different than your right,” he began slowly, responding to Ham’s philosophy instead of letting himself dwell on any of the thoughts that actually mattered. “Then there’s no universal concept of morality.” He wasn’t going to touch the conflict between the Skaa and the noblemen because he didn’t want to upset Ham with what he believed (which he thought was common knowledge, but still likely a sore spot). “Then how are laws made?” he asked, voice stilted and almost unnatural. He was trying, that much was obvious. Though the reason for his attempt remained veiled. Maybe he needed a distraction. “There are some things that are always seen as wrong, right? So how can that be if we all think of right and wrong differently? We learn right and wrong, but there are some things we know are wrong from the beginning, not just because we were taught it.” He had to believe that there was something innate. Because otherwise he had nothing to cling to. Nothing that was his in a worldview that had been clouded by his father and Minos. Even they had to believe some things were wrong, even if they defied their own sense of morality… he shook those thoughts away. This was meant to be a distraction, not another reason to fall into an existential crisis.