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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:13:44 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 20:13:44 GMT -5
im dead inside. im sad. hey
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:15:08 GMT -5
Post by aeiou on Aug 18, 2016 20:15:08 GMT -5
whats wrong? :,0 are you alright?
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:16:38 GMT -5
Post by A crying Nidoking on Aug 18, 2016 20:16:38 GMT -5
im sorry you're sad
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:17:54 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 20:17:54 GMT -5
whats wrong? :,0 are you alright? it's just some really weird dysphoria that idk
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:18:13 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 20:18:13 GMT -5
uh thanks i guess is an appropriate response
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:20:12 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 20:20:12 GMT -5
What's up sanders? What'd you do today?
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:22:11 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 20:22:11 GMT -5
What's up sanders? What'd you do today? i went and worked all day
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:23:02 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 20:23:02 GMT -5
SandersWhat do you do for work, if you don't mind me asking? And why are you down?
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:26:58 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 20:26:58 GMT -5
Sanders What do you do for work, if you don't mind me asking? And why are you down? eh i don't really have a good way to describe what i do that is accurate. but i work ten hour days and have to deal with a lot of people throughout the day so i get really drained by the end of the day. and im just have some dysphoria stuff going on. it makes me feel really gross.
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:29:16 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 20:29:16 GMT -5
SandersDo you think it's related to your work schedule? A 10 hour shift is a freakin' long shift, man. Power to you for doing that regularly. I hope your customers are mostly polite. Do you know what the dysphoria could be about specifically? Or at least any ideas? I'm always thinking about and slightly worried about my future, but not that much.
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:38:42 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 20:38:42 GMT -5
Sanders Do you think it's related to your work schedule? A 10 hour shift is a freakin' long shift, man. Power to you for doing that regularly. I hope your customers are mostly polite. Do you know what the dysphoria could be about specifically? Or at least any ideas? I'm always thinking about and slightly worried about my future, but not that much. it's actually not as bad as you might think. like i have a lot of down time. but im also doing things fairly regularly. so my schedule every day is the same, which i like. and that also helps the day go by a little faster. like i get there around 10:30 and before i know it it's already like 2:30 and im like sweet. also me and the other guy who works opposite me (we switch working days a week so he comes in days im not there and vice versa) usually have a day between our shifts. but this week is my week to work four days. so i have to do three days in a row which sometimes is chill but other times can be really bad depending on what's going on that day. well specifically it's about me maybe starting T and how that's going to drastically change my life. and im really bad about coming out to people i really should come out to. so like. if i do start T im going to be forced to come out to everybody because in theory my body will change in ways that are very noticeable (i.e voice change, body changes, etc.) but i want to start T because i really want those changes to my body. even though im technically nonbinary, i tend to lean to a more masculine side. it just sucks because while right now i can essentially lie about everything if i do start, i won't be able to lie. like i have to come clean. and that's a very scary thought because i don't know how my family (not my immediate but like extended) will feel about that. which is terrifying honestly. and some days i just wish i could be comfortable in this body to the point where i don't feel like i need to do this but i just can't. and i feel kind of awful about it.
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:51:10 GMT -5
Sanders likes this
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 20:51:10 GMT -5
It's good your job goes by fast, the summer job I worked crawled by in the second half, but it was just a summer job.
You're starting T? It probably doesn't mean much, but you have my full support. I befriended someone who was just ending that process at my summer job coincidentally, and almost everyone there supported his decision as well. Of course there will be those outliers, you just have to do what you can to move on and ignore them, I suppose. Are there specific people in your life your worried about telling? I'm just reading in between the lines.
I'm not familiar with the process, but how much of a financial impact will it make on you?
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 20:58:45 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 20:58:45 GMT -5
this is technically a summer job but it might spill over into the fall if i need it to. which i probably will because so far i haven't found any work which im a little stressed about.
well i don't know if i will or not. im just going to a doctor to talk about it and what i could do. i would also talk about the money side of things with them hopefully. i know it's expensive so i may not be able to do it because i am not in a steady line of work at the moment. and i don't make that much money tbh. but it would be nice if i could get some of it covered by insurance or something. but idk. im scared about most everybody. but for the most part my family is my main concern because i don't have much of a safety net if something goes wrong with it. my main means of support is about to move away 10 hours and i won't be able to see her until christmas. and like the few other friends i do have i don't think would put me up if something did happen. and i mean it's all just an assumption. and honestly i don't actually think that my family would kick me out for being trans. but like. it still scares me because they could. and i can't take it back if i say it.
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 21:11:30 GMT -5
Sanders likes this
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 21:11:30 GMT -5
You work as an accountant, right? I remember talking about that in the original forums, if I'm not mixed up here. So you're looking for a higher paying job right now then?
Good luck with the doctors! I've had poor experiences with a lot of doctors in my short lifetime so far, but hopefully you get some good ones. Is there a hospital or group that specializes in that? I'm clueless on the process and you can probably be more accurate than google.
I'm assuming your talking about your girlfriend there, right? Is she just moving or off to college or...? And I can see why that'd be a fear. How do you think your parents will react, just based on an assumption? - if you're fine with answering that of course.
Take it or leave it however you want, but my advice would be to visit the doctor, get information and ask tons of questions, probably write down any questions that you have right now so you don't forget them, and then decide your course of action with coming out.
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 21:20:28 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 21:20:28 GMT -5
yeah. and no not really. im just looking for any work tbh. and ill probably have to take a pay cut which im not opposed to. but i just need a job to help keep my life on track right now. im not going to college so i need something to do and i have a couple bills to pay now #adultlife. so yeah.
yeah there is a special doctor i think?? idk i was referred by the doctor that i saw for my normal check up so that i could talk about this stuff. but honestly im a little lost about the whole thing. luckily i haven't really had bad experiences. i actually had a doctor earlier this year that was super awesome. i wish i had remembered her name so i could continue to see her but alas i didn't.
she's going off to college. but she can't really come home for small holidays. so she's only going to come home for the breaks in semesters. which means ill be going months without seeing her. (i mean besides like texting and like video chatting i guess) i mean i think my parents will be okay. i mean they've said flat out that they don't understand trans people. but like. i don't think they hate them. but if they don't understand me then i feel like they're just going to pretend like it's not a thing. which. is also pretty bad. but at least id have a place to live even if it's not welcoming.
yeah yeah. i only have a few more weeks until the appointment. i don't know what will come of it, which is also kind of scary. but i want this. i just don't know how it will go.
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 21:31:38 GMT -5
Sanders likes this
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 21:31:38 GMT -5
SandersYou said you were good at manual labor jobs, so have you looked into Walmart? This is assuming there's one near you, of course. But their starting wage is 10.50 and in my area, they are always super short of everything - cashiers, stockers (overnight and day), unloaders, and other random little positions like cart pushers that could be a good spot for you. They also have semi-good benefits, especially considering the kind of job it is. Sucks that you forgot her name, but if you had any appointment with her I'd assume you could just call or visit the place you went to and ask who you saw in that timespan. I found out through my own painful experiences that they keep records, however accurate, from every single doctor visit in a little compilation. But it could work in your favor. And again, however much it means, I wish the best of luck with your parents and girlfriend. Hopefully they understand. Have you tried doing any research or looking up books that explains the process?
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 21:37:26 GMT -5
Post by Sanders on Aug 18, 2016 21:37:26 GMT -5
well i just looked around (because actually there aren't any near me directly) but there are a couple like 20 mins away from me. so i might look into it. i don't really need the benefits, but the money would be nice. and honestly i wouldn't mind working late nights or something.
hmm. i could maybe look into that yeah.
thanks.
eh not really. i mean i know the gist of it because ive read a couple articles. but i honestly haven't really gone in depth with research.
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hi
Aug 18, 2016 21:57:17 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 21:57:17 GMT -5
Yeah, that's the only suggestion I got since it was my summer job. The benefits would be an extra bonus. If you do really look into it - the most typical shifts are about 7:00 am - 4:00 pm, 2:00 pm - 11:00 pm, and 10:00pm to 7:00 am, and the overnighters earn an extra dollar/hour I think.
No problem.
That might be a good way to calm your nerves rather than stressing about it.
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