How to include intrusive thoughts in writing ??
Nov 12, 2018 0:19:30 GMT -5
Arrow↠Deirdre likes this
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2018 0:19:30 GMT -5
I'm not realllly sure if this should go here or in OTD, but I felt like posting it here would get me replies from people who write more often and know about the hobby rather than taking up space in a board not centered around it. If no one comments for a day or so I'll move it over to OTD BUT... in the mean time,
I'm looking for some advice on how to include intrusive thoughts in a character's pov without it coming off as edgy or making the character seem entirely psychotic. For anyone who doesn't know what I mean, I'm talking about violent or perverted thoughts that come to mind and instantly make the person uncomfortable. Ie if they pick up a knife and then think "I could stab my best friend." or if they're sitting by boiling water and think "I could pour that on myself."
Since I've never really seen it used in writing, or even mentioned at all irl, I feel like it just comes off as me trying to say "Hey!! Everyone look!! This character is crazy and evil!!"
Here's an example I've made on the spot, please let me know how you interpret it. (Any criticism on my writing style is also welcome!)
Frogpelt gazed down into the river. She watched the rapids surge debris along the bank and into the rocks. Lavenderpaw cautiously approached the riverbank. She trembled as she stalked forward and stared in horror as the overflowing water washed away branches that were as large as the Great Rock. Lavenderpaw flattened herself onto the ground and dug her claws into the dirt to anchor herself, as if the water would reach out with paws and drag her in.
For just a moment Frogpelt considered pushing the apprentice into the water. All it would take was one good shove to her hindquarters to send the she-cat into a watery grave. Frogpelt closed her eyes and squeezed them as if the pressure could somehow crush the image from her mind. "Come on." She murmured as she turned around. "Blackstar needs to know about this." She watched as Lavenderpaw managed to separate her claws from the mud. She was still shaking and Frogpelt felt the urge to reach out and steady her, but after her grim thought she didn't trust herself to touch the apprentice.
I'm looking for some advice on how to include intrusive thoughts in a character's pov without it coming off as edgy or making the character seem entirely psychotic. For anyone who doesn't know what I mean, I'm talking about violent or perverted thoughts that come to mind and instantly make the person uncomfortable. Ie if they pick up a knife and then think "I could stab my best friend." or if they're sitting by boiling water and think "I could pour that on myself."
Since I've never really seen it used in writing, or even mentioned at all irl, I feel like it just comes off as me trying to say "Hey!! Everyone look!! This character is crazy and evil!!"
Here's an example I've made on the spot, please let me know how you interpret it. (Any criticism on my writing style is also welcome!)
Frogpelt gazed down into the river. She watched the rapids surge debris along the bank and into the rocks. Lavenderpaw cautiously approached the riverbank. She trembled as she stalked forward and stared in horror as the overflowing water washed away branches that were as large as the Great Rock. Lavenderpaw flattened herself onto the ground and dug her claws into the dirt to anchor herself, as if the water would reach out with paws and drag her in.
For just a moment Frogpelt considered pushing the apprentice into the water. All it would take was one good shove to her hindquarters to send the she-cat into a watery grave. Frogpelt closed her eyes and squeezed them as if the pressure could somehow crush the image from her mind. "Come on." She murmured as she turned around. "Blackstar needs to know about this." She watched as Lavenderpaw managed to separate her claws from the mud. She was still shaking and Frogpelt felt the urge to reach out and steady her, but after her grim thought she didn't trust herself to touch the apprentice.
