|
|
Post by ✨ ιηνєяѕєяєαℓιту on Aug 17, 2016 13:58:08 GMT -5
{-x-then-x-} - - chapter one - x Love.
It’s so beautiful, the way it can wrap around you like the petals of the sweetest flower and keep you warm on the coldest nights. To me, there couldn’t possibly be anything better than love in this world, and I never wanted to lose his. Hail’s.
I met Hail when I was younger, four seasons old I suppose I would have been. I was tangled up in a patch of thistles, my fur torn out and in clumps around the bushes. I had finally given up and was just laying there, thorns digging into my sides. Then he came clomping through the forest and scattering leaves all over the place. Every single piece of prey must have been long gone by the time he got there. His deep amber eyes swept over me, glittering in amusement, before he helped me out with gentle tugs and soft words.
After that, he tried to go find something for me to eat while I recovered, but he was a terrible hunter, and I spent the next moon teaching him how to hunt correctly. He still wasn’t a wonderful hunter, but at least he could catch something to eat every now and then.
I don’t quite know when I fell in love with him, or when he fell in love with me, but we were in love now, and that was all that mattered at this point. I didn’t think I would have made it the rest of my life if he hadn’t showed up. I’m not exactly know how I made up to that fifth season without him.
<> <> <> <>
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” His nose was pointed to the sky, the light of the moon turning his eyes silver.
“What?” I was laying beside him, my fur brushing his and my head on his shoulder.
He looked over at me. As the moonlight vanished from his eyes, the silver melted into the deepest amber, gold ringing his pupil and ribbons of yellow twirling around the irises. “The moon, of course.”
It was beautiful. We’d spent many a day staring up at the glowing white orb, wishing we could reach up and grasp it with our paws, hang it on the roof of the cave and sleep with the cool, gentle embrace of the light. Some days I truly yearned for the luminous sphere to be my own, but it was impossible. “Yes,” I breathed to Hail, burying my nose in his fluffy gray fur.
He cocked his head at the sky. “I can smell snow,” he whispered. “It’ll probably snow tomorrow.”
“Do you think?” I never liked snow. Cold and always sticking between my toes like frozen leeches, sucking the warmth from my paws. Sure, it was pretty and sparkly on the way down, but that never made up for the emptiness it made me feel, as if my world had suddenly been deprived of color. How upsetting that would be.
Hail knew I didn’t like snow. “Most likely.” Actually, I disliked winter as a whole. It was a dreary season. Little food, always and empty pit in the stomach, no color, no warmth. I was always elated when the first warm fingers of spring caressed my fur.
“Ah well.” What could I do about it anyway? Besides, winter was to be the least of my worries.
I would have other concerns to bother with.
- - chapter two - x I don’t quite know where she came from. She just appeared in the shadows of the forest like she’d been living there her whole life.
I wasn’t comfortable with her from the moment I caught her glittering emerald eyes. I was sitting with Hail, sharing a warm rabbit that he found somewhere – who knows where? It was the dead of winter! – when I saw it. A movement in the shadows, slightly to my right. It was barely noticeable, barely even there, but I saw it. Hail had cocked his head at me as I glared into the trees, my neck fur bristling at the thought that someone could have possibly decided to move into our territory.
At first, I thought she was a fox. I wish to this day she would have been a fox; I could have destroyed her right then and not had to worry about the troubles she would bring me later.
Then she shifted a huge pair of sparkling green eyes, so green the brightest spring leaves couldn’t have compared. I bared my teeth and hissed, low and long, but the eyes only blinked. I felt Hail shift beside me, swinging his fluffy gray head to stare into the trees. “What are you looking at?” I glanced over at him, at his deep amber eyes so filled with concern. Those flaming eyes that melted my heart. Then I glanced back, raising my tail to point out our intruder, but the eyes had vanished. Had I imagined them? I didn’t think so.
“What was it?” Hail asked again, staring into my eyes. “What did you see?”
I would deal with it later. Not now though – I just wanted to be with Hail and finish our rabbit in peace. “I thought I saw a squirrel. Guess not.” I could tell he didn’t believe me, but what was I to do? Let him loose on some potentially crazy feline? She had to be crazy to enter the territory of not just one, but two cats. Two cats who had survived on their own all their life and had been in more battles than I could count on my claws. We had the scars to prove it.
That night was long and cold. I can still remember the way the freezing air seeped into our fur and made our bones stiff. I was curled up against Hail, my nose pressed into his warm gray fur. The wind outside whipped around, tossing little white flakes of snow into our cave and onto the smooth, dark gray stone along the ground. I pulled my tail up over my muzzle, away from the color-stealing white snow.
My eyes had been ready to close when something outside snapped. The crack was loud and frightening, and I jumped. Hail stiffened behind me, his ears swiveling when a sharp squeal sounded beyond the cave. He was up in a moment. “Come on,” he whispered. Reluctantly, I pushed myself to my paws and shivered against the cold that was already trying to pierce my fur.
The snow flew about wildly, flying into my eyes and nose and muffling my ears. Snow crunched underfoot as we made our way to what I made out as a fallen tree. The broken branches pointed crookedly into the forest as if indicating a path the creature that had squealed. Thankfully, Hail didn’t seem to notice, instead nudging around the dirty snow with his nose. Then he looked up at me, concern clouding his eyes, and gestured toward a dark patch in the snow.
I knelt down and squinted, sniffing it only after I couldn’t figure out what I was seeing. It was blood. Quite a patch of it, too. I remember thinking about how relieved I was that whatever had entered out territory – I assumed it was her who got hurt – had been injured, and perhaps it would die on its own, without me having to send Hail after it. I also remember, in later days, looking back at that moment when I thought she was going to die and wishing with every ounce of willpower I had that she really had died, because otherwise, I would still be with Hail to this day.
- - chapter three - xMaybe I could have been able to stop her. If only I had forced myself out into that cold winter night after Hail had fallen asleep and sought out the creature that had injured itself, making sure it was really dead, maybe none of this would have happened. If only I had lunged for those eyes the moment I saw them and tore them from their host, I could have saved myself. If only, if only.
But I didn't. I laid curled up against Hail and dreamed of warm summer nights and fat prey. I suppose if I had gone out and killed her right off, I wouldn't have this story, this warning to share.
One doesn't always get what they wish for, I've realized.
The snow only came down harder as the night ended and morning came. When I awoke, I stepped away from Hail's warm fur and stood at the entrance to the cave, staring out over the snow. The sky was completely gray, cold and frozen. All color had vanished, leaving behind choking depression that muffled my brain. My movements felt slow and sluggish as I made my way back to Hail's side.
Even Hail's thick fur couldn't warm me up now. The temperature felt as if it was dropping lower with every snowflake that hit the ground.
Eventually Hail stirred, pushing himself to his paws and pulling his warmth away from me. His lifted his gray head to stare out from the cave entrance, his glowing amber eyes scanning the white. Something flashed there – something I hadn't seen in his eyes before.
Something I wished never appeared.
He glanced over at me, his eyes lingering a moment more than normal. "Last night… that sound. It'll need help." His jaws were tense, flexing and retracting. I stared up at him, shivering as I thought about the snow melting in my fur, freezing cold liquid seeping into my skin.
Of course I gave in. Those eyes – they melted me every time he turned them to me. He could convince me to do absolutely anything he wanted with only one of those golden glances of his. I gave in, and I followed him out into the leeches of the winter. Snow melted in the fur between my toes, and then froze all over again, until I had to stop every few steps and knock them out with my nose.
A clump of snow fell from somewhere high above us, exploding on the ground at our paws, white fluff dusting our noses and our backs. I reared backward, letting out a squeak. Hail turned slightly, his eyes twinkling, and laughed at me with his sweet, warm laugh before turning back to the path he was following and stepping over the newly-made mound of snow. I growled back at him, but the irritation was gone and replaced by simple adoration for my mate. I watched his tail swish through the snow, the soft gray fur leaving a thick trail through the white. One after the other, I placed my paws in a line inside of the trail and padded lightly behind him, careful to take large strides so that less snow got stuck in my paws as we made our way between the trees.
Hail kept his nose close to the ground as we crept farther into the forest. I couldn't pick up whatever scent he was following – if he was even following one at all, so I watched for signs of movement in the forest. All was still. Every now and then, a clump of snow would drop from the trees and explode in a little puff, but otherwise, there was no shift in what little shadows could form in this vast white ocean.
Suddenly, Hail came to a stop so fast I crashed into his back and collapsed in the snow. Immediately, the cold overtook me, digging into my skin. I moaned and rolled to my side, curling my tail around my nose, but Hail pulled me up by my scruff and gestured with his tail towards a hole in the snow. "The scent trail is strongest here, and it leads down there," he whispered, his eyes trained on the dark hole. I suppressed a shiver and followed him to the edge.
Sometimes there is this moment when the ground tips forward and gravity flips upside down. Everything is backwards and wrong side up and you can't figure out which way is left or right or straight. As I leaned over the hole, heart pounding, staring into the darkest fur I've ever seen, this is what I felt. As two perfectly round, deep green eyes slowly turned to stare into mine, this is what happened to my world.
- - chapter four - xShe was gone before she was ever really there. At first, I'd thought – hoped – I'd imagined her, but as I turned to stare at Hail, I found his eyes trained on the tree she had pelted around. "Did you see it?" he whispered. His voice was filled with something, something I would later realize to be similar to awe, something I would later wished that I had clawed right out of his mouth.
I decided to go with denial. "See what?" I inwardly cringed as Hail narrowed his eyes in confusion, glancing at me for a moment before his gaze slid back to where we'd last seen the creature.
It was a cat, of course – nothing else could run like that, and besides, her scent was all over the hole in the snow. Still, she was forever but a creature to me, nothing else. Not even really a she, just the creature and nothing else. Most often in those early days, I often found myself referring to her as it or those green eyes. Hail never knew, but my dislike, my lack of trust, was there long before she ever ruined my life.
"How could you not have seen her?" he questioned, squinting at the shadows. "It was right there!"
"The hole?" I didn't want it to be real. It had been me and him forever, on our own, by ourselves, spiraling farther and farther in love the longer we were together. I didn't want anyone to change that. I used to think nothing could change that.
I was horribly, horribly wrong.
Hail threw his head back and laughed, that warm and carefree laugh that softened my insides every time I heard it. "No, the cat." He was still staring into the trees, and slowly, as he took a step forward, the laughter faded from his eyes. His nose twitched and he looked down, eyes slitted in concern. Blood spattered the snow around the hole. "It could be very hurt," he murmured. "We have to help it."
This compassion, this deep-seated altruistic nature that had always glowed in every sparkle in his eyes, used to be one of the reasons I loved him. However, this particular act of kindness was irritating me to the point where I almost walked away. I wanted to point out that it couldn't be hurt too badly, or it wouldn't have been able to run off like that, but one look at the worry creasing his face kept me quiet. I would later realize that, perhaps, I had loved him a little more than I should have, but it didn't occur to me then. He mattered too much to me.
"Okay," I responded. If he noticed the empty resignation in my voice, he didn't mention it.
The farther we padded into the trees, the thinner and more soft the snow became. My paws sunk into the cold white fluff with every step I took, and our progress was agonizingly snow. Hail wasn't even sniffing the ground anymore; the cat's scent had vanished long ago. The clouds parted for a few moment, letting in a stream of steady, glorious sunlight that warmed my back, then closed again even thicker than before. The snowflakes grew larger as they came down, piling ever higher atop the already deep snow. I was so cold by then that my teeth wouldn't stop chattering, and I could practically feel my blood freezing from the outside in.
At last, Hail came to a stop and sighed, staring longingly through the trees. "We should probably go back." I could hear the disappointment in his voice, but I didn't say anything about it. The sooner the cat was out of his mind, the better, in my opinion.
On the way back to the cave, Hail was silent, and I knew he was still thinking of the cat. In what way, I couldn't tell, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.
If I had, though, maybe I could have stopped everything before it was too late.
Maybe.
- - chapter five - xI curled up against Hail, but he wasn't paying attention to me. "Who do you think it was?" He was staring out at the swirling sky; it was snowing again. "It was obviously a cat. I could smell it in the hole. But who?"
"In our territory, no less." I had to make him see this cat shouldn't be here. "The nerve."
"It needs help," he said, turning toward me. His amber eyes wide and pleading. "We can't let it die."
I scoffed. At this point, I was irritated. What was this creature taking away my mate? "Yes we can. It's in our territory."
Hail shared his own irritation towards me, I suppose. "But that's cruel." He stood, untangling himself from me. "It's not fair."
"On our territory! It's perfectly fair. It didn't want to die? It shouldn't have crossed our scent boundaries!" I was on my paws now as well, fur bristling and ears pressed back against my head. I'd never before been this angry at Hail before, but how could he be so... so… I couldn't even think of a word!
Hail took a deep breath and turned away. Of course he wouldn't get angry; he was the sensible one. Instead of looking back at me, though, he bunched his muscles and leapt out into the snow, disappearing into the fluffy white distance. I knew what he was doing. He wanted to save it before I went out to take care of it myself.
There was no way I was going to let that happen.
I bounded into the snow, cringing as my paws sank into the cold white, and pelted after Hail. I had to beat him to the invader. And I couldn't let him know what I was doing. I had to beat him.
I had to beat him.
Normally, it wouldn't have been a problem. In the summer, when the ground was dry and flat and hard, my narrower body lent me speed. I could race past him even when he'd had a several fox-lengths' headstart. But in the winter, my small paws didn't distribute my weight evenly like Hail's massive ones did, and I kept sinking into the snow. I lengthened my stride in hopes of touching down to ground less often, but it wasn't all that much more helpful. The wind whipped through my fur and whistled in my ear, but I wasn't paying attention. I had caught the intruder's scent and was keeping it in my nose as best I could. Hail's scent was distracting, but it wasn't following exactly the right path, which filled me with short-lived hope. I began to ignore the snow between my toes and concentrated soley and going in the right direction.
Suddenly, the scent trail veered off towards the left, nearing ever closer to Hail's scent, like it knew where he was. My heart pounded in terror. He couldn't have gotten to her first! Oh, please, no!
Then it crossed over his trail at an angle and kept going left, away from Hail, away from safety. By now, my lungs were burning, and I knew I wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer. It had to be close. It had to.
And then I caught it. A strong whiff of cat; a she-cat, of course. Hail had probably figured that out and hadn't told me for fear of me becoming jealous. He had good reason – I didn't have the world's best temper – but still. He should have told me. He didn't trust me enough.
Then I slammed face-first into something warm and soft and went sprawling over the snow.
- - chapter six - xShe didn't look evil, not at first. She was small and petite, all small, perfect shapes and sharp angles. Her black fur was sleek and shiny like she'd lived an easy life up to this point. Her delicate bone structure was almost enough for me to let down my guard and consider that maybe she wouldn't be so bad to have around. And she looked so little, curled up in the snow.
Then she lifted her head and looked at me. Those green eyes, huge, narrowed, and glittering. They were full or menace and sarcasm and she was sneering at me with her perfect little teeth showing.
I drew myself up to my full height – not that I'd needed to; I was already a lot taller than her – and bared my teeth in the most vicious snarl I could make. My claws unsheathed and dug at the snow and I could feel fur rising along my neck. My leg muscles were bunched and ready to pounce, ready to sink my teeth into her neck and rid myself of the nuisance.
Oh, how I wished I had done it a second sooner.
Hail burst in from the bushes and barreled into me. "What are you doing?!" he cried, pushing himself to his paws and leaping over me to get to the she-cat. Instantly, all the horrid things I'd seen in her eyes vanished and she filled them with terror and pleading. She looked almost… innocent.
"What's your name?" he asked her, almost in a whisper.
She looked up at him with something like adoration. "Viper," she replied, equally as quiet. Viper. How fitting.
Hail's eyes, then, were the softest I'd ever seen. He'd never looked at me like that. "I'm Hail," he murmured, nudging her to her feet. "Come with me." Viper looked up at him with a look of utter adoration and gratefulness, but even then, even in the beginning, I could see she was faking it. And when she looked at me, her eyes instantly narrowing and hardening, I knew she was trouble.
I still wonder when Hail turned so blind.
Or if he just really didn't care in the first place.
Then she stood and followed him, and they left me sitting there in the snow, like a piece of prey that wasn't worth chasing.
I didn't immediately go back to the cave. Instead, I wandered around the forest and felt sorry for myself. The snow collected on my back and my nose and in my ears, but I didn't care. I couldn't feel the cold anymore. I couldn't feel anything at all then.
That was the first time he truly hurt me, I think. It was also the first time I had any thought that led to what the rest of my life would be like.
When I went back to the cave at last, Hail and Viper were curled up together. Hail would later tell me that it was only to keep her warm – after all, she had slept in the snow for at least two days, but I knew that it was more than that.
I was losing Hail.
- - chapter seven - xThe snow had stopped at last. But it didn't melt. It hugged the ground like a possessed blanket, long frozen and unrelenting. All color was lost – everything glowed in various shades of gray and white. I didn't want to go out, to place my paws on the cold white, but Hail was busy quizzing Viper on her life and Viper was busy making moon-eyes at Hail, and I had to get away.
I couldn't watch Hail fall out of love with me.
He didn't even look up when I left. He was so absorbed in everything Viper was saying. It made me sick to my stomach. After everything, how long we'd been together, he was perfectly prepared to… to forget it all.
Once I was sure I was out of sight, I ran. I pumped my legs and lungs so hard everything burned, even in the midst of the chilling wind. My fur flattened against my body, and I could barely hear anything because me ears were pressed so closely to my head. The world swirled around my until the white and black all faded into a pale gray, soothing to my eyes and calming to my mind. I thought of nothing, only felt the ground flying up under my paws and the breeze whooshing through my pelt and the emptiness in my head.
Then I had to stop. I panted so hard I thought my lungs would burst, but I didn't regret the run. I sat down in the snow, ignoring the cold, and looked around.
I didn't know where I was. I had probably covered much more ground than I had intended, but it didn't matter. I'd run in a straight line, so as long as I went in the opposite direction as I had come, I would reach the cave and Hail eventually.
Thinking Hail's name brought all my distress crashing back down all around me. I didn't want to think about him now, but I couldn't push him back out of my mind.
I remembered a time, closer to when we'd first met but far enough away that we'd already fallen completely and totally in love, when Hail had sat down next to me under the bright summer moon and made me promise never to leave his side.
"You'll love me forever, right?" he asked.
"Of course," I responded. I shifted on my paws so that I was closer to him, my fur brushing against his. "Always."
He looked at me, all his love and admiration pouring from that golden gaze. "And I'll always love you. Nothing and no one can change that, ever."
When I'd said I'd love him forever, I meant it. I meant it then and I still mean it now, even after everything that has happened.
I guess Hail didn't.
He was dropping all my love, forgetting me so fast like we'd never made those promises. Like we'd never been in love in the first place. Like we'd never met.
All for this new she-cat that appeared out of nowhere. All for Viper.
I still wonder if what we had really meant anything at all.
How could Hail forget it all over a simple she-cat?
That was when I first realized Viper had to go.
- - chapter eight - xIt was night when I returned. The white snow was dark and even the moon was hidden behind the trees and the clouds. The journey back had taken the rest of the day, and I almost didn't think I was going to able to find the cave.
Hail and Viper were still talking. No surprise there, though I was beginning to get nauseous again. I didn't want to be around them, but I was cold and wet and exhausted, and all I wanted was some sleep. I curled up against the cool stone of the farthest wall and closed my eyes, one ear swiveled towards Hail because, as much as I didn't want to hear them, some tiny part of me wanted to know what they could possibly have been talking about all this time.
"Thank you for taking me in," Viper meowed. Her voice was stronger now, syrupy and pseudo-sweet. Every word out of her mouth sounded like a song. "I'll have to leave soon, though."
I turned to look at her. Yesyesyes, my mind screamed. Gone! Then maybe Hail would see me again and realize what he had been about to throw away.
But her back was curved and her ears were cocked teasingly. I could see in her eyes that she really did mean to leave – but not to stay away for long. Now I could tell what she was, with her sleek fur and sparkling eyes. She was a flirt.
And Hail was falling for it.
I wanted to call her out right then, right in the middle of the cave, but I knew Hail wouldn't approve. He would be disappointed and upset, and even though I was losing him, I still cared what he thought. He still mattered to me.
But now that Viper wasn't cold and alone and hurt anymore, I could see the confidence and conceit in which she carried herself. She knew she was gorgeous, and reveled in it. She used it to her advantage and played all the toms she came across. Including Hail. I didn't like it.
Sleep wasn't going to come, I could see. Not for me, and definitely not for them.
"Where will you go?" Hail asked. His eyes were narrowed in a way that let me know he wanted to know exactly where she was going to go, so that he could follow her.
I think it was then that I truly lost him.
"Home," she answered vaguely. "It's far from here."
"Oh." Hail closed his eyes. "You don't have to leave," he told her, laying his head in his paws. In my mind I screamed at him Hail! No! Don't do this to me! but I knew that it was useless. He was gone now, barely even remembering I existed. "You can stay here."
"Oh, no. I couldn't possibly," she sing-songed, wiping her slender paw over a perfectly angled ear. "I must go home. My… friends would miss me too much." She was toying with him, leading him on. She wanted him to be jealous.
Yes, the name Viper fit her perfectly. She was a snake.
I couldn't stay here.
I stood up. "You know what?" I hissed, lashing my tail. "I'm leaving!" I stomped past Hail, flicking him in the face with my tailtip. I looked at him over my shoulder and curled back my lips, snarling at him between clenched teeth. "We were supposed to be together forever. But you're a liar."
And I left. For good.
- - chapter nine - xThe ground was freezing under my paws as I left what Hail and I used to call our territory. I supposed now it must just be meeting grounds for every she-cat in the world.
I still couldn't believe Hail.
Every day since we'd met he told me we would be together forever. We would have a family together, we would watch them grow up together, we would grow old and die together. Together forever.
I had no idea forever would end so soon.
Even now, I think the thing that hurt the most was that I would always love him.
The sky was dark by the time I finally decided to rest. My paws ached and my head ached and my heart ached, but I'd traveled across the never-ending expanse of snow and grass to the farthest forest from Hail I could get to. I couldn't bear to be near that… that… that liar!
And it was true. He had lied to me. Every day.
I didn't realize forever and always was a time frame you could choose yourself.
If it had been, it would still be forever.
What comes after forever?
My head hurt so bad I couldn't think properly. I was starving and tired and lonely, but through my headache I didn't even notice these things. I shoved my head in a pile of snow, hoping the soul-leeching cold would drain my pain, but it didn't. It only made the parts of my head that were previously fine hurt as well.
The headache didn't even compare in the slightest to the pain my heart was feeling.
When I was younger, back when I used to live near my family, my mother would tell me stories of her love. I knew who my father was, but he never spoke to me or my mother or my siblings, even when we ran into him while we were hunting. My mother, with this as an example, would tell me stories about love and what it did to you. She told me that love never lasted, that toms never really cared as much as they acted like they did, that I was better off alone. She told me that when love was ripped away from you, it hurt worse that someone shoving their claws down your throat and tearing out your heart.
I never believed her.
Even at this point, I had no reason to. She was still wrong, though not in the way I'd thought she was when I was younger. She was wrong in that love did last, only it lasted on one side of the relationship. It lasted for me. Maybe love didn't last for the tom – obviously – but it would still be in my heart forever, no matter what. She was also wrong in thet losing love hurt as bad as losing your own heart.
It hurt much, much worse.
I felt like the sun had fallen from the sky and landed on my head, the fiery orange burning my fur from my body and keeping it for itself. It felt like someone was pulling my claws, one by one, out of my toes. It felt like a part of me was just… gone.
With that pain came a change. It started at the edge of my mind, a faint tickle, but gradually grew to take over my mind. My teeth bared and my eyes narrowed, and I welcomed the change.
I didn't sleep that night.
No. I was much too busy thinking up a plan.
|
|
