|
Post by Redstorm on Sept 19, 2018 18:09:41 GMT -5
One of the most disappointing parts in The Last Hope for me was Brokenstar's death. Brokenstar was the leader of the Dark Forest and easily killed the trained Riverclan warrior Beetlewhisker along with easily standing toe to toe with Firestar. But Yellowfang, who's not purported to be very strong easily killed him in such a quick fashion.
Although I suspect that the writers didn't want to give Brokenstar a very "epic" death because they deem him pure evil, I still think that it did a huge disservice to his power.
I would probably prefer Bluestar (sorta the leader of the StarClan cats) face off against Brokenstar or a bunch of Shadowclan cats such as Nightstar, Blackstar, and Raggedstar triple teaming him (although not immediately all at the same time) with Brokenstar putting up a strong fight (like One Eye), Blackstar dying in the process. Also I would have preferred it to be after Hawkfrost's death. The retreating part from the original was still nice though.
How would you change it? Edit: Have Badgerfang do the final blow.
|
|
|
Post by Chocolate-Fawn on Sept 19, 2018 18:10:53 GMT -5
I wish it was more epic and awesome!!
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 18:12:59 GMT -5
I either wanted Raggedstar to kill him, or all the kits he caused the death of kill him (swarmed like Bone was). I think the latter would have been immensely satisfying.
|
|
|
Post by Redstorm on Sept 19, 2018 18:17:12 GMT -5
I either wanted Raggedstar to kill him, or all the kits he caused the death of the kill him (swarmed like Bone was). I think the latter would have been immensely satisfying. yo, what if badgerfang did the final blow
|
|
|
Post by Chocolate-Fawn on Sept 19, 2018 18:24:04 GMT -5
I either wanted Raggedstar to kill him, or all the kits he caused the death of the kill him (swarmed like Bone was). I think the latter would have been immensely satisfying. What worse then death by pre-teens??? Death by pre-schoolers
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 18:30:24 GMT -5
I either wanted Raggedstar to kill him, or all the kits he caused the death of the kill him (swarmed like Bone was). I think the latter would have been immensely satisfying. yo, what if badgerfang did the final blow I would literally cry, Badgerfang is one of my all time favorites and it'd be so amazing to see him finally prove to everybody that he's a true warrior. Bonus: Flintfang, who's also present during the battle on the Starclan side, tells him he aced his final assessment. ... I'm kinda tempted to write this now.
|
|
|
Post by Redstorm on Sept 19, 2018 18:34:22 GMT -5
yo, what if badgerfang did the final blow I would literally cry, Badgerfang is one of my all time favorites and it'd be so amazing to see him finally prove to everybody that he's a true warrior. Bonus: Flintfang, who's also present during the battle on the Starclan side, tells him he aced his final assessment. ... I'm kinda tempted to write this now. Please do!!!!
|
|
|
Post by Chocolate-Fawn on Sept 19, 2018 18:36:52 GMT -5
yo, what if badgerfang did the final blow I would literally cry, Badgerfang is one of my all time favorites and it'd be so amazing to see him finally prove to everybody that he's a true warrior. Bonus: Flintfang, who's also present during the battle on the Starclan side, tells him he aced his final assessment. ... I'm kinda tempted to write this now. DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 19:09:14 GMT -5
Death by all the kits.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 21:07:57 GMT -5
Anybody got a full list of all the kits Brokenstar caused the death of? I'm making a short drabble I'll probably post here (it's gonna be rushed and bad but deal with it), but it's taking a bit because I've only found seven names including Badgerfang, and I'm sure Brokenstar killed more than that in YS alone.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 21:33:54 GMT -5
Wow my computer is so many kinds of messed up right now that if it even posted I can't see it, and it's not letting me edit or delete or... do anything lmfao. Gimme a minute.)
|
|
|
Post by Chocolate-Fawn on Sept 19, 2018 21:36:52 GMT -5
Anybody got a full list of all the kits Brokenstar caused the death of? I'm making a short drabble I'll probably post here (it's gonna be rushed and bad but deal with it), but it's taking a bit because I've only found seven names including Badgerfang, and I'm sure Brokenstar killed more than that in YS alone. Marigoldkit (I think), Mintkit (I think), Blossomkit, Badgerfang, and some other unnamed ones I think.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 19, 2018 21:42:27 GMT -5
(Jesus, I know this is terribly written, but it's like god himself is trying to stop me from posting this. I emailed it to myself so i could open it up on my ipad and then post it lmao. Badly written and short but who cares its self-indulgent and im always a fan of terrible cats being killed by kits)
When Badgerfang had died on Windclan territory, he had expected it would be the last time he would ever have to battle. In the blissful peace of Starclan, where borders did not exist, what was there to fight over? It was only as tensions rose and boundaries and hostilities formed that he became aware there was an issue. He didn't keep up with the politics of Starclan much, and so he didn't know the cause of the issue, or why everybody suddenly seemed to hate each other.
It was hard to ignore, however, the sudden rush of warriors, and the scent of blood. Battle had come to the forest, to those still living, and it was hard for Badgerfang to no longer be aware. It took a few minutes, bits and pieces of scattered information as starry-furred warriors raced off, ready to fight again for the first time in many moons, but he finally got enough of the story to at least grasp the gravity of the situation. The idea of it made his pelt prickle, especially knowing who would be among the enemy.
And yet... he was a warrior. He had bravely fought Windclan at such a young age. He hadn't fled then. He had earned his warrior name, and while he still earned skeptical looks from other Starclan cats when he introduced himself, he knew he deserved the title of warrior. And warriors did not run from battle, no matter how terrifying the enemy may be.
This was how he found himself in his current situation, ducking beneath tussling bodies, leaping over pools of blood and collapsing warriors. He had followed an older warrior, a lean brown tabby, and now he was in the heart of the battle, the smell of rot and blood and so many clans meeting at once swirling around him. Where should he go? What should he do? He had thought the Windclan battle was chaotic, but he could hardly make heads or tails of this.
He managed to slip away from the center of the battle to catch his breath and decide what to do, when a vicious shriek caught his ear.
A pale grey she-cat was writhing at the entrance to a den, her fur bristling as she struggled in the grip of a massive dark-furred tom. Was that... the nursery? He squinted, and a cold feeling rushed over him as he realized who exactly this tom was. He watched in silent horror as Brokenstar hurled her aside by her neck, and she hit the ground unmoving. The nursery was unguarded, and Brokenstar now moved to enter, and take the lives of any cat inside.
Before he even knew what he was doing, Badgerfang was lunging, sinking his teeth into the larger cat's leg. Brokenstar growled, sparing him a glance before lashing out at him, knocking him into one of the massive, earthen walls that surrounded the Thunderclan camp. His ears wrung and everything spun around him as he struggled to get to his paws, Brokenstar padding towards him leisurely, his claws digging into the dirt. This was it. Badgerfang would die the proper death of a warrior, fighting against a cat far outside the code.
Then Brokenstar suddenly stopped, hissing as he tried to jerk his tail forward, but was unable to. A tiny brown tom had latched on, digging his teeth in with all his might. As Badgerfang watched, Volepaw, his and snarled, and for a moment, Brokenstar looked amused, raising a paw to swipe away his former apprentice.
He was no longer amused when Mosspaw darted forward from behind Volepaw, with a mighty leap that allowed him to rake his claws across Brokenstar's face. Brokenstar yowled in pain, rearing back as thorn-sharp claws slash over his eyes, crouching and rubbing at his face with a paw. This was a mistake, and only made him an easier target. Badgerfang stared in something akin to awe as Mosspaw yowled, and smaller cats lunged forward, practically swarming the massive Dark Forest tom.
He could see the tortoiseshell pelt of Marigoldkit as she clutched his neck tightly, digging her claws in and sinking her teeth as deep into her killer as she could. Grey fur bristled as Mintkit went for his stomach, able to reach it thanks to his small size. Brownpaw and Mosspaw charged forward at once, and a fully grown grey tom leaped from the main battle, joining the two. Together, the three of them knocked over the stunned Brokenstar. Badgerfang's attention was jerked away as he was nudged to his feet. He registered the soft white fur of Blossomkit, who smiled up at him in confidence.
"Brokenstar is powerful, Badgerfang, but that means nothing against sheer numbers." The full grown warrior sounded amused, and Badgerfang realized with a shock that he had failed to recognize his own mentor. Flintfang's gaze was happy, despite the circumstances, and his eyes flicked to Brokenstar, who was now writhing beneath the assault of so many. "Consider this your final exam, Badgerfang."
It took him a moment to register those words, but Badgerfang slowly nodded, taking slow steps forward as he reoriented himself. The world was still tilting slightly, but he felt Blossomkit's gentle nudge, and his slow walk turned into a run. Brokenstar was beginning to regain control, swatting away Brownpaw and Volepaw, and make a move to bite at Mintkit. The world almost slowed for Badgerfang, who lunged at Brokenstar's outstretched neck. He had been the biggest and strongest of the apprentices at his time, and finally, finally it all came to fruition. An honorable warrior did not need to kill to win a battle, but Brokenstar was no honorable warrior, and did not deserve to be treated as one.
Badger fang stuck his landing, his long claws digging into Brokenstar's back as he sunk his teeth into the tom's already ravaged neck. He tasted blood, as it welled up and stained the ground below. Brokenstar made a desperate move to buck Badgerfang off, but he held tightly, until slowly, Brokenstar's muscles eased beneath him, as life, revenge, whatever it was that fueled him began to slip away. Badgerfang dropped down, moving back slowly as Brokenstar collapsed, his body fading, paler and paler, until there was nothing left but the stench of blood and fear.
|
|
|
Post by Redstorm on Sept 19, 2018 21:49:18 GMT -5
(Jesus, I know this is terribly written, but it's like god himself is trying to stop me from posting this. I emailed it to myself so i could open it up on my ipad and then post it lmao. Badly written and short but who cares its self-indulgent and im always a fan of terrible cats being killed by kits) When Badgerfang had died on Windclan territory, he had expected it would be the last time he would ever have to battle. In the blissful peace of Starclan, where borders did not exist, what was there to fight over? It was only as tensions rose and boundaries and hostilities formed that he became aware there was an issue. He didn't keep up with the politics of Starclan much, and so he didn't know the cause of the issue, or why everybody suddenly seemed to hate each other. It was hard to ignore, however, the sudden rush of warriors, and the scent of blood. Battle had come to the forest, to those still living, and it was hard for Badgerfang to no longer be aware. It took a few minutes, bits and pieces of scattered information as starry-furred warriors raced off, ready to fight again for the first time in many moons, but he finally got enough of the story to at least grasp the gravity of the situation. The idea of it made his pelt prickle, especially knowing who would be among the enemy. And yet... he was a warrior. He had bravely fought Windclan at such a young age. He hadn't fled then. He had earned his warrior name, and while he still earned skeptical looks from other Starclan cats when he introduced himself, he knew he deserved the title of warrior. And warriors did not run from battle, no matter how terrifying the enemy may be. This was how he found himself in his current situation, ducking beneath tussling bodies, leaping over pools of blood and collapsing warriors. He had followed an older warrior, a lean brown tabby, and now he was in the heart of the battle, the smell of rot and blood and so many clans meeting at once swirling around him. Where should he go? What should he do? He had thought the Windclan battle was chaotic, but he could hardly make heads or tails of this. He managed to slip away from the center of the battle to catch his breath and decide what to do, when a vicious shriek caught his ear. A pale grey she-cat was writhing at the entrance to a den, her fur bristling as she struggled in the grip of a massive dark-furred tom. Was that... the nursery? He squinted, and a cold feeling rushed over him as he realized who exactly this tom was. He watched in silent horror as Brokenstar hurled her aside by her neck, and she hit the ground unmoving. The nursery was unguarded, and Brokenstar now moved to enter, and take the lives of any cat inside. Before he even knew what he was doing, Badgerfang was lunging, sinking his teeth into the larger cat's leg. Brokenstar growled, sparing him a glance before lashing out at him, knocking him into one of the massive, earthen walls that surrounded the Thunderclan camp. His ears wrung and everything spun around him as he struggled to get to his paws, Brokenstar padding towards him leisurely, his claws digging into the dirt. This was it. Badgerfang would die the proper death of a warrior, fighting against a cat far outside the code. Then Brokenstar suddenly stopped, hissing as he tried to jerk his tail forward, but was unable to. A tiny brown tom had latched on, digging his teeth in with all his might. As Badgerfang watched, Volepaw, his and snarled, and for a moment, Brokenstar looked amused, raising a paw to swipe away his former apprentice. He was no longer amused when Mosspaw darted forward from behind Volepaw, with a mighty leap that allowed him to rake his claws across Brokenstar's face. Brokenstar yowled in pain, rearing back as thorn-sharp claws slash over his eyes, crouching and rubbing at his face with a paw. This was a mistake, and only made him an easier target. Badgerfang stared in something akin to awe as Mosspaw yowled, and smaller cats lunged forward, practically swarming the massive Dark Forest tom. He could see the tortoiseshell pelt of Marigoldkit as she clutched his neck tightly, digging her claws in and sinking her teeth as deep into her killer as she could. Grey fur bristled as Mintkit went for his stomach, able to reach it thanks to his small size. Brownpaw and Mosspaw charged forward at once, and a fully grown grey tom leaped from the main battle, joining the two. Together, the three of them knocked over the stunned Brokenstar. Badgerfang's attention was jerked away as he was nudged to his feet. He registered the soft white fur of Blossomkit, who smiled up at him in confidence. "Brokenstar is powerful, Badgerfang, but that means nothing against sheer numbers." The full grown warrior sounded amused, and Badgerfang realized with a shock that he had failed to recognize his own mentor. Flintfang's gaze was happy, despite the circumstances, and his eyes flicked to Brokenstar, who was now writhing beneath the assault of so many. "Consider this your final exam, Badgerfang." It took him a moment to register those words, but Badgerfang slowly nodded, taking slow steps forward as he reoriented himself. The world was still tilting slightly, but he felt Blossomkit's gentle nudge, and his slow walk turned into a run. Brokenstar was beginning to regain control, swatting away Brownpaw and Volepaw, and make a move to bite at Mintkit. The world almost slowed for Badgerfang, who lunged at Brokenstar's outstretched neck. He had been the biggest and strongest of the apprentices at his time, and finally, finally it all came to fruition. An honorable warrior did not need to kill to win a battle, but Brokenstar was no honorable warrior, and did not deserve to be treated as one. Badger fang stuck his landing, his long claws digging into Brokenstar's back as he sunk his teeth into the tom's already ravaged neck. He tasted blood, as it welled up and stained the ground below. Brokenstar made a desperate move to buck Badgerfang off, but he held tightly, until slowly, Brokenstar's muscles eased beneath him, as life, revenge, whatever it was that fueled him began to slip away. Badgerfang dropped down, moving back slowly as Brokenstar collapsed, his body fading, paler and paler, until there was nothing left but the stench of blood and fear. this is so good!! Thank you so much for writing this. I loved the part especially where Badgerfang first didn't recognize Flintfang, but then it hitting him!!
|
|
|
Post by mymerlincat on Sept 19, 2018 22:21:50 GMT -5
I wanted Ivypool and him to kill each other
|
|
|
Post by vectoring34 on Sept 19, 2018 22:26:23 GMT -5
Brokenstar didn't hold his own against Firestar. All he did was manage to take a sloppy jump from him after Firestar had been exhausted battling non-stop the whole time. Brokenstar was never the big fighter type in any case. Having him get apprentice swarmed would definitely work well I think. I do think Yellowfang still should be the one to kill him. It was a big deal I think that Yellowfang wanted to be the only one tainted by that.
|
|
|
Post by Basement Cat on Sept 20, 2018 8:28:50 GMT -5
To begin with, Brokenstar wouldn't fight his own battles. He would play dirty, and have others fight for him, then finish off someone himself. I would also make Brokenstar soft-spoken, but every word he says brings a horrible finality and weight. He's not the Dark Forest 'leader' because he is the best fighter of them all. He has the horrible power to bring all the DF cats together, and stir within them the malice, hatred, and cruelty they suppressed in their life.
Yellowfang said Brokenstar had a silver tongue, so show this. Show that he cares nothing about friendship, honor, compassion, or empathy. He'll have his goons hold you down, then slit your throat without a thought. He'll speak to you in a rational, calm, soft voice, but he's talking about torturing you.
Yellowfang's punishment...her punishment is that the devil himself is her son. So Yellowfang should have the final say in Brokenstar's fate.
|
|