Sαcяєɗ'ѕ ƐƖιмιηαтιση Ƈσηтєѕт - C. Two R. Two Results Up!

Rules

1. _{Follow forum/ghost rules.}
2. _{No plagiarizing.
   Should be self-explanatory. Don’t do it. No posting other people’s work and entering it as your own. Thanks.}
3. _{Be patient.
   Even though I have more time now that summer’s here, I still have a life. I still will hang out with friends, I still have chores, and I also will need to move soon and start packing for it. However, I will work to produce results as quickly as possible.}
4. _{No hard feelings.
   If you get eliminated, don’t feel bad or attack me or other contestants for it. This is all in good fun and meant to help each writer improve on what they’re lacking in!}
5. _{Reentering.
   Each contestant can reenter themselves into the next contest as much as they like, on one condition: They must have made changes to at least what they had gotten eliminated for. After all, there’s no point in me judging you again for the same story, which would likely get eliminated again. (If you read the rules, put Shenzi in the “Other” portion of your form)}

Joining:

_{Here is the form you need to fill out in order to join. You must have at least four chapters in your story in order to enter. Your prologue is included in this.
Name of fic/link to fic(can be combined):
Author:
Other:}

Ƥαѕт ƤƖαcєяѕ

<sub>Ƈσηтєѕт Oηє

1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲
2nd: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie
3rd: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ</sub>

<sub>Round One: Title & Layout

1st: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ - 9/10
1st: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 9/10
1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 9/10
1st: -{ ωıтħeяıиg εϊз ραяαđıše }- by ❂є๓๒єгรยภร❂ - 9/10
2nd: Ɛνєяωσяℓ∂ by Mσѕѕρσσℓ - 8.5/10
3rd: Perғecтιoɴ by Rainfeather~ - 7.5/10
4th: ~ ~ ~ Lasting Embers ~ ~ ~ by Moonwing - 7/10
5th: NEW BLOOD: BORN OF SMOKE & FIRE by Phantomstar57 - 6/10

Eliminated: Mortality by mintedstar/fur - 4/10
I know it seems bad because you got such a low score, but I promise it’s not as bad as it seems. As far as layout goes, the layout and color scheme is easy to read. Where you got points docked however was the inconsistency. If you are going to use a layout, you should really put it on all posts. The banner should also be put in the very first post, or if it’s just a fan banner that you don’t want as your banner, put it down with the fan art. We also think that since you are writing a story using the traditional clans, you should also use the traditional allegiances format for those readers who may not have read the third or fourth series in the Warriors books. However, with the title, what was brought you down most was the font. It was off-putting to both me and my fellow judger. I would recommend using a different type of font. However even without font, we both found that the title itself just didn’t give us enough motivation to click as some others did, and perhaps needs a little subtext with it or just a newer title in general that conveys the same vibe you want it to. Once again sorry you got eliminated so early, but good luck if you make changes and decide to enter again!</sub>

<sub>Round Two: Synopsis

1st: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ - 10/10
2nd: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 8/10
3rd: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 7.5/10
4th: Ɛνєяωσяℓ∂ by Mσѕѕρσσℓ - 7/10
5th: Perғecтιoɴ by Rainfeather~ - 6.5/10
5th: -{ ωıтħeяıиg εϊз ραяαđıše }- by ❂є๓๒єгรยภร❂ - 6.5/10
6th: ~ ~ ~ Lasting Embers ~ ~ ~ by Moonwing - 5/10

Eliminated: NEW BLOOD: BORN OF SMOKE & FIRE by Phantomstar57 - 0/10
I’m really sorry to eliminate you, but you had no synopsis on your page. I couldn’t judge what wasn’t there. I don’t know if it’s posted elsewhere, but if so I would definitely recommend putting it up before your story. If you don’t have one, please put one up! Readers need a taste of your story before they decide if they want to read or not. I’m sorry also if this is something you had before your old thread got deleted and you just forgot to add it back in. I hope that you revise and enter again in the future!</sub>

<sub>Round Three: First Chapter/Prologue

1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 10/10
2nd: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 9.5/10
3rd: -{ ωıтħeяıиg εϊз ραяαđıše }- by ❂є๓๒єгรยภร❂ - 6.5/10
4th: Perғecтιoɴ by Rainfeather~ - 6/10
5th: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ - 5/10
6th: ~ ~ ~ Lasting Embers ~ ~ ~ by Moonwing - 3.5/10

Eliminated: Ɛνєяωσяℓ∂ by Mσѕѕρσσℓ - 3/10
This may seem odd, since this is the first chapter/prologue round and not the detail round, but it’s your detail that made you score so low. There was so much unnecessary detail that it made it very difficult for both of us to get through. We felt that many long detailed parts, such as Melody’s trek through the snow and her sleeping problems, could have been summed up well in one paragraph rather than three. Because of the overwhelming detail, it took away from the story and made us lose motivation to continue reading. There was also so much backstory about this character that seemed out of place in the prologue of the story. It also just made us feel that it didn’t provide much for the story. We felt as though we learned no more or no less than we did from the synopsis. However, the biggest problem was the detail and if we were going to tell you to revise anything, it would definitely be that.</sub>

<sub>Round Four Grammar/Spelling

1st: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ - 9.5/10
1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 9.5/10
2nd: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 9/10
3rd: Perғecтιoɴ by Rainfeather~ - 8/10
4th: ~ ~ ~ Lasting Embers ~ ~ ~ by Moonwing - 4/10

Eliminated: -{ ωıтħeяıиg εϊз ραяαđıše }- by ❂є๓๒єгรยภร❂ - 2/10
This was a surprising round for both of us. During this round, we read each story to their entirety, and Ember, we really couldn’t believe all the mistakes. I know Mockingjay stopped at some point, but after Chapter Seven, I was so tired with the mistakes that I stopped marking them. I’m sorry if this comes off as harsh, but it’s kinda frustrating because your story is really really good but the errors...they’re everywhere. The worst part is, it’s seems to be mistakes that were made from the slip of a finger on the keyboard. If you told me you proofread before posting, I’m sorry to say, but I wouldn’t believe you. They were all mistakes that could easily be found by proofreading. Even if you don’t plan on updating anytime soon, I’d suggest going back and proofreading your story. Ten times if you need to. There were so many mistakes that not even the place above you was anywhere near close to it. The only advice we can offer is proofread. Proofread, proofread, proofread. (P.S. We both love your story, especially Mockingjay.)</sub>

_{Note: This round we will not give breakdowns to everyone because there really isn’t any to give. Your score was all based on how many mistakes we found and the severity of the mistake. If you would however like a list of the mistakes we found, we will gladly provide.}

<sub>Round Five: Detail

1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 10/10
2nd: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ - 9/10
3rd: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 8/10
4th: ~ ~ ~ Lasting Embers ~ ~ ~ by Moonwing - 4/10

Eliminated: Perғecтιoɴ by Rainfeather~ - 3/10
While the story itself was interesting and well-developed, it was lacking most in the description for the physical attributes of the story. Your story is very dialogue heavy, and thus outside of that, there is really not much left to see. There was little to no detail on the setting of the story, and it was one of those instances where you could ask two different people what they pictured after reading and more than likely get two different answers. We would recommend going back and trying to add in detail to what you wrote. Think about how you picture it and put it into words for the reader to see as well.</sub>

<sub>Round Six: Characters

1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 9.5/10
2nd: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ - 9/10
3rd: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 7/10

Eliminated: ~ ~ ~ Lasting Embers ~ ~ ~ by Moonwing - 5/10
The characters individually each seemed to have their own personalities, but in general, they were linear and dull. We found no mary-sues or gary-stues, however they just seem to not have anything special about them or any depth. It could just be because it’s early on in the story, but as of right now, none of the characters are memorable to us.</sub>

<sub>Round Seven: Plot

1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 8/10
2nd: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 7.5/10

Eliminated: »» How тнe Mιɢнтy Fαll » by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ - 7/10
Wow, when I say judging this round was difficult, I mean it. Usually judging rounds only takes a little bit of reviewing over notes and a bit of discussion, but this one left us at a standstill for over an hour. Unfortunately, the end result was that your story did not make the cut.</sub>

_{Commonly in plot rounds, a lot of the decisions are made based on the overall development of the story. Initially we focused on this, noting that “How the Mighty Fall” was a complete story while the other two were not. This issue was that your story lacked a feeling of satisfaction in the ending that really made it feel less like a complete story and more like an incomplete one. We determined that this came from a huge plot hole that I believe Sacred spoke to you about once before.}

_{The main antagonist Torch is absurdly confusing really. I don’t want to go into too much detail as to not spoil the story for those who may plan to read it, but the story left us with more questions than answers. Every time we thought we came to understand him, another curveball left us completely baffled. Further more, the connection between Coal and Clay and your antagonist was never established and really only deepened our confusion on how they could relate to whatever led him to go after the clans to begin with. Really everything felt like it went off the rails after Graystar’s revelation.}

_{Another thing we noticed was that there was a bit too much “good fortune” for Torch. Once again avoiding spoilers, however one of his main weapons continuously seemed way too lucky considering it was used against all the clans (he was also shown to use it during the oneshot according to Sacred). We recognize that this is a trilogy, however each story should be able to standalone with the next installment building on the last. The next stories shouldn’t be used as a gateway to finally understanding what happened in the first story; rather it should be something we anticipate after reaching the satisfying conclusion with the original.}

_{Our suggestion is to go back and fix this plot hole. We both agreed that something like that must be hard or even obnoxious to hear after putting so much time and effort into what we believe is an amazing and well written story, however we can’t say that the story will ever feel finished without offering a reasonable understanding or saving the suggestion of a possible motive till a later installment. I’m sure there are other ways to go about it, but these are the only two we mentioned during our discussions on the topic.}

<sub>Round Eight: Overall

1st: ●Ｕｎｃａｓｔ Ｓｔｏｎｅｓ● by ✲ριкαƒυєу✲ - 9/10

Eliminated: |☪| dαrĸeѕт αт мι∂ηιgнт ;; ᵂʰᵒ ᶳᵃᶤᵈ ᵈᵉᶳᵗᶤᶰʸ ʷᵃᶳ ᵒᶰˡʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳᵒᵉᶳˀ |☪| by Brownie - 8/10
This contest was a fun ride for us. After everything, we ultimately decided that we personally enjoyed Uncast Stones more. Both stories however were very enjoyable for us to read. Statistically, minus the first round, Uncast Stones scored higher in every round than Darkest At Midnight. We also found that Uncast Stones was paced slightly better in terms of plot. In the eleven chapters it has, it feels as though it has more of a clear direction as to where it is headed, while in Darkest At Midnight’s eighteen chapters, the plot is somewhat unclear in its current direction. You are both very talented writers however, and congratulations to both of you for making it so far! Congrats on winning to Pika, and congrats on second place to you Brownie. I do hope you choose to enter again in the future, and maybe secure first place next time c;</sub>