|☾ ☼ ϟ ≈ ☁| 5 Clan RP Story Page |☾ ☼ ϟ ≈ ☁|

        “She gone.”

        The whole world stopped moving at those two words. Cedarstorm’s breath was lost from his lungs. His paws began to lightly tremble; yet, he didn’t feel the cold of the winter’s snow. Fear hollowed him out like a cavern. A ricocheting echo of heartbeats pounded within his ears. This couldn’t be happening. Not now.

        Northstar laid within a blanket of white. Her eyes closed as if she were sleeping. Falling snow dotted her pelt like stars in the night sky, but she made no movement. Her head was laying on Closesky’s front paws, the old elder pressed up against her as if he were trying to keep her warm. Northstar’s own warmth was slipping away. Nine lives, she had lived, and now she had no more to give. He must have just missed her. How could slip away without telling the Clan? Why didn’t she say goodbye? Give warning? Cedarstorm took a step back, shaking his head slowly. Closesky spoke, but the young deputy couldn’t hear his words. This wasn’t right, Northstar wouldn’t just leave ShadowClan. She loved it too much, she wouldn’t leave it to the likes of…him…

        Yet, she did.

        Cedarstorm found a gasp of panicking fear. He took another step back. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t have the support of the Clan. He made too many mistakes. There were better cats in ShadowClan than him. Why him? Why did it have to be him?

        Closesky said something, his mouth moved, but all Cedarstorm could do was stare. The words from his father slipped right past his ears. His panic deafening him to all sound. The deputy’s green gaze was stuck on the body of his leader, his fur even began to rise in betrayal of the trauma inside of him. Northstar was dead. The she-cat who had led ShadowClan since the start of her warriorhood. The she-cat who had defended the territory against unimaginable threats, faced against Darkness with faith and honor in StarClan and in herself, created allies that only benefited the Clan, stood against opposition with wit and grace, demanded respect simply by pure presence…she was dead. The whole forest looked up to her, admired her, and he was the one to take her place? No one could do that. 
        Northstar chose wrong. Cedarstorm stared at the fallen leader. The white star on her forehead appeared to shine brighter than usual. How could I take her place as leader?

        The cold of the snow around him couldn’t compare how frozen his insides were. The shadows of his own doubt invaded his mind and pounded fear into his heart. He wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t meant to be leader. He was too weak, just like Ashrock had said…Cedarstorm’s fur began to rise on his pelt. This couldn’t be happening.

        Cedarstorm nearly jumped out of his thoughts at the light touch to his shoulder. Falcontalon was standing beside him, Cedarstorm hadn’t even noticed the former deputy walk up. “Cedarstorm. Are you okay?” There was a furrow in the elder’s brow, concern shown in the way he studied Cedarstorm’s eyes. Yet, his whole being was burdened by the leader’s death. “We must begin the vigil and you must go to the moonstone.” He paused to look back at the Clan. Some cats were looking their way, curiously wondering what was going on. Others had no idea of the sorrow that just occurred. “You need to tell the Clan.”

        Oh, StarClan, no. Cedarstorm blinked in shock. He stared at Falcontalon with a dumbfounded look on his face. His thoughts trying to pound through the doubtful block in his mind. Was he okay? No. He was petrified. His worst fear since becoming deputy had come true right in front of him. Cedarstorm took a shaky step back, looking back at Northstar’s body with his mouth hanging open. Words, he shouted at himself. Come on, form words! Don’t just stand there like a frog-brain! He tried swallowing, but his mouth had gone dry. Falcontalon was right, they had to start the vigil. Northstar more than deserved one. Yet, the moonstone? Cedarstorm trembled in anxiousness. He had to receive the nine lives of a leader. He had to become the new star to guide the Clan. The Clan…Oh, StarClan, he had to tell the Clan.

        Cedarstorm stared wide eyed back at the Clan, his fur sticking out in every direction. How was he supposed to tell them that Northstar was dead? How would they react? Northstar had been their leader since before most of them had been kits! The only cats who knew the leader before her were Closesky and Raggedthorn! Falcontalon didn’t even know the leader before her! Again, he tried to swallow down a dry throat, his ears flattened against his head by the shadows that infiltrated his mind. Ribbondance and Oakstalk were sharing warmth by the nursery. Shortcloud was eating prey, while Cinderspeck fixed the elder’s den totally unaware of the tragedy that had befallen.

        Why did he have to do it? Why not have Closesky tell them? Or Falcontalon? Two cats that had the entire Clan’s respect. I’m deputy…that’s why. Cedarstorm looked down at his paws, his legs lightly trembling. He never wanted to be deputy, but he did it for the Clan. Northstar thought he was the right choice, and he wanted to make his father proud. “Uh…” Cedarstorm looked over at Clan Rock, and a new wince of doubt flashed in his heart. That was Northstar’s place. It had been for countless seasons, but now she would climb up there no more. Cedarstorm took a shaky breath, lifting his gaze to look out at the Clan. StarClan, why did it have to be him? “Sh-ShadowClan!” His voice trembled. “E-Everyone gather now!”

        He didn’t think his voice had carried very far, but even Ratmask in the elder’s den had heard him. Snowdance poked her head out of the medicine den, a troubled look on her face and Opalmist at her side. Some of the Clan realized what was going on. Pinefeather spotted Northstar’s unmoving form and her face drooped with sorrow, but she padded over to hear Cedarstorm just the same. Oakstalk and Ribbondance turned their heads, brows furrowed with confusion at the unorthodox call. Flintclaw, Kestrelgaze, and Stonesong were in the thick of conversation, but they quieted to listen to Cedarstorm. Flintclaw spotted Northstar’s body and his eyes grew as wide as orbs.

        Over by the nursery, Mouseclaw and Spiderfang were spending time together with their kits, but at Cedarstorm’s call, they rounded up Spottedkit and Rustlekit to sit still. Cedarstorm’s own mate, Starrylight, poked her head out of the nursery, their kits Palekit, Duskkit, and Whorlkit peeking out at her paws. Shortcloud finished her prey and Cinderspeck pulled off the elder’s den, the two exchanging a confused glance as to why Cedarstorm was calling the Clan together.

        When all the Clan was gathered, Cedarstorm hesitated. Every eye was staring at him, and he almost took a step back, his heart racing a thousand paces a minute. The deputy turned his head back to Northstar’s body, mind whirling as to how he was going to tell them. Yet, it was Falcontalon he saw first. The former deputy had stepped back and gave Cedarstorm a single nod of encouragement.

        “N-Northstar, she’s…” Cedarstorm looked back at the Clan, staring into every eye. He was trembling and fully aware that he couldn't hide his fear from them. With his mouth gone dry, he had to clear his throat to continue. “Northstar is dead.”

        It was as if he had grown two heads. The shock that widened every eye left the forest in an eerie, time-stopping silence. Many looked to Northstar’s body and gasps of griefs broke from their throat when the reality set in. Others refused to look at anyone, either stubbornly denying it or stubbornly denying their own feelings. Cedarstorm felt for every one of them. His own mate’s mournful wail for her former mentor cracked his heart. All the gasps, whimpers, and mumbling curses echoed in his head. He was at a loss for words. More than anything, he wanted to be able to say something, he wanted to soothe their broken spirits, but there was nothing to be said. Northstar had given everything to the cats of ShadowClan, she helped many of them in ways that no one else could. Each member of the Clan had their own story and Northstar had been, in some way, a part of it. Now that she was gone, the Clan only had him.

        “Ah…” Cedarstorm’s gut wrenched at the thought taking Northstar’s place. He looked over at Falcontalon, a tom far better suited, but he had retired due to an injury. However, Falcontalon didn’t look back at him. The former deputy had his head bowed in his grief, he refused to look at anything except the paws below his pelt. “We’ll…” Cedarstorm looked back at the Clan, trembling still. “We’ll hold vigil for Northstar tonight.”

        Movement from the edge of his vision caught his eye. Closesky was finally getting up. The old elder had been pressed to the body of the dead leader as if he were trying to keep her warm. Tears fell from his eyes, something Cedarstorm never thought he’d see from him. Closesky never looked at anyone, his strong and secure form cracking and trembling with the grief that swallowed his heart. He nudged Northstar as if that’s all it took to wake her up.

        Cedarstorm flattened his ears at the actions of his father. He knew how much Northstar meant to the elder and how much Closesky meant to her just the same. Yet, all Cedarstorm could do was stand there. Stand there with a stupid dumbfounded look on his face like he were a lost kit that came face to face with a badger.

        Oakstalk stepped forward, his movement catching Cedarstorm’s eye. The older warrior looked the young deputy up and down, hidden thoughts behind his eyes that only tightened Cedarstorm’s gut even more. StarClan, let him have Oakstalk’s support. “When will you go to the Moonstone?”

        Cedarstorm blinked in surprise at the warrior’s question. He took a step back.

        “It’s you, Cedarstorm.” Cardinalblaze nodded in agreement with Oakstalk. Cedarstorm’s former apprentice looked back at him with sorrowed eyes. “You must get your nine lives. You’re the leader of ShadowClan now.”

        “You do.” Cedarstorm whipped his head to Falcontalon when the former deputy spoke. He looked back at Cedarstorm with hollow eyes. “ShadowClan needs a new leader, and that is you.”

        “It’s you, Cedarstorm.”

        “You’re leader now, Cedarstorm.”

        “Are you going to the moonstone, Cedarstorm?”

        “Whenever you’re ready.” Snowdance was somehow at his side, Cedarstorm nearly jumped out of his fur when she spoke. “Let me know.”

        “Cedarstorm, you should go now.”

        “You must get your nine lives.”

        Fear rampaged like a wild badger in Cedarstorm’s heart. He took a step back, breaths quickened and panicked. The shadows of his doubt laid siege upon his mind, blocking any conscious thought from escaping. He couldn’t do this. He wasn’t the right cat for this. There was no way he could measure up to Northstar. His weakness would ruin the Clan. It should’ve been Ashrock. His brother was stronger than him, more sure of himself. Ashrock would make a better leader. So make him leader, his doubt whispered. He was deputy, he could deny the leadership, give it to someone else. You’re not good enough, so just give it away. Cedarstorm looked back at the Clan, many eyes were watching him, expecting much from him.

        “You’re leader now, Cedarstorm.”

        “You must get your nine lives.”

        I can’t…Cedarstorm trembled in his silent admission, the fear in his heart infecting the rest of his body. Northstar chose wrong!

        Yet, one simple scent muffled the doubt in Cedarstorm’s heart. Starrylight rushed to his side, pressing against him with such warmth and love that only she could give. Cedarstorm instinctively leaned into her. Closing his eyes, he sunk his head into her glossy fur, and let her sweet scent wash over him. He wanted to hide away with her, take their kits and run away together. “Go safely, my love,” she whispered as gently as the snow fall.

        Cedarstorm looked her in the eye, her beautiful, sparkling amber eyes. She held nothing but love for him, had always believed in him. No one in the Clan could silence his doubts quite like her and all she needed to do was to let him know she was there. Even now, when he was a petrified mess, she believed in him. She didn’t need to say it, it was all in her eyes. She’s right. Cedarstorm quieted, his trembling slowing to cease. “I’ll come back to you,” he whispered softly to his mate. “I promise.”

        Starrylight smiled at him, knowing his inner turmoil, but loving him anyway. “I know you will.” She looked back at their kits: Palekit, Duskkit, and Whorlkit. Pride swelled in Cedarstorm’s heart when he looked upon them. They stared back at him with eyes of wide wonder. They may not have comprehended everything, but they understood the rankings within the Clan. I have to make them proud.

        Cedarstorm looked over at Northstar’s body, letting his anxiousness escape in the lines he dug in the snow with his claws. Northstar chose him to be deputy and the Clan even supported him as deputy over Ashrock once his brother’s crimes were exposed. Cedarstorm’s heart skipped a pace faster. He may not be ready, but he didn’t have a choice. “Right…” He looked back at Snowdance, the medicine cat was bringing the traveling herbs out of the medicine den. “I guess…we should go now.”

        While Starrylight led the kits over to Northstar to say good-bye to the fallen leader, Cedarstorm licked up the traveling herbs, nearly gagging at their bitter taste. Closesky and Scorchfire moved Northstar’s body to the center of the camp, the Clan slowly gathering around it to hold vigil and say goodbye to their beloved leader. Closesky was sitting at Northstar’s head, his forehead pressed against hers and tears rolling silently down his cheeks. Cedarstorm had no doubt his father would be there all night.

        He couldn’t get himself to look at the body of the former leader when he followed Snowdance to the camp entrance. Yet, before leaving, Cedarstorm paused and looked back at the Clan. This would be his last time in camp as a warrior and deputy of ShadowClan. When he returned—StarClan willing—he would be the Clan’s new leader. Doubt stirred within the shadows of his mind. Northstar was renowned, beloved, and respected throughout all the Clans. How could he measure up to her?

        Only one cat looked back at him when Cedarstorm paused at the camp entrance. The deputy met his brother’s gaze, flicking his ear in betrayal of his doubt. Ashrock only watched him with narrow, yellow eyes, his tail flicking in disapproval of everything that was happening. He’s not better than me. Cedarstorm swallowed down a dry throat, but had to look away, the shadow of his own doubt looming over him. Without a word, he followed Snowdance through the camp entrance.

        Night had completely fallen over the forest, not even the cold breeze stirred the air and the snow had finally stopped falling. Bits of starlit sky poked through the dark clouds overheard and silence echoed like a bass drum through the territory. Each step Cedarstorm took was as silent as the shadows around him, but he swore even ThunderClan could hear his pounding heartbeat. The eyes of the territory around him watched him as he passed. Each pine tree, every tuft of reeds, even pebbles on the ground, Cedarstorm could feel them staring at him. The weight of the territory and the shadows once commanded by the one that went before pressed heavily on his shoulders, as if the forest itself were mourning Northstar’s death. Cedarstorm caught up to Snowdance just to keep from being crushed by it all. “I…I can’t believe she’s gone.”

        The medicine cat looked over at him, sorrow glistening in her eyes. “I know.” She took a deep breath. “It was inevitable. However, I feel that no matter what, we wouldn’t have been ready for when she joined StarClan’s ranks.”

        I could’ve been more ready. Cedarstorm only turned his eyes to look at the ground before his paws. So much had happened within the past couple of days. Why did Northstar have to go now? Sure, he had that victory over the rogues this morning, but that didn’t make up for all the mistakes he made before that. He was still sure half the Clan didn’t even want him as their deputy.

        They reached the thunderpath that marked WindClan’s border in just a few minutes. Cedarstorm stepped up to it, flicking his tail for Snowdance to stay crouched down. After Hollowpool got hit by one of the monsters on the path, he didn’t want to risk either of their lives. They should just walk further down the border until they reached the Thunderpath tunnel, but Snowdance was adamant about getting him to the Moonstone before moonhigh, and the fastest way to the moonstone was the way they were going to go. One more monster was barreling their way down the thunderpath. Cedarstorm flicked his tail in unease. “You ready?”

        The medicine cat nodded, crouched and poised in preparation to run. “I’m ready.”

        The wind whipped at their pelts when the monster sped passed them on the Thunderpath. Cedarstorm grit his teeth, holding his ground. “Let’s go!” He sprang forward, darting across the thunderpath with Snowdance matching him stride for stride. When they reached the other side, Cedarstorm was panting, more so from his anxiousness than from the brief sprint. WindClan territory laid ahead of them and beyond that: the moonstone. Cedarstorm flattened his ears. “We have to follow along the border, right?” He glanced at Snowdance. If they stayed near the border, maybe they wouldn’t run into any WindClan patrols. “We have safe passage as long as we stay along the border?”

        Snowdance nodded. She started onward, cutting straight into WindClan’s territory, the fastest way to the Moonstone. StarClan, she wasn’t going to let him draw this out. “Either way, they can’t stop you from getting your nine lives. They can’t turn a medicine cat away from the Moonstone.”

        Cedarstorm flicked his ear. She padded off with such sureness in her steps. Yes, she traveled this path every half moon, but she could at least give him a moment to clear his thoughts. The deputy let out a sigh and glanced up at the clearing sky. Silverpelt twinkled above them as if amused by their journey. What must Northstar think of me now? Cedarstorm flattened his ears and turned his gaze away. He quickly padded after Snowdance, walking at her side. Yet, while he kept his steps quiet and body crouched low through the tall WindClan grasses, Snowdance walked on in full confidence. She may not have cared about meeting a WindClan patrol, but he sure didn’t want to run into one.

        The wind changed and new scents lingered on the breeze. Cedarstorm about cursed and Snowdance stopped beside him.         “Cedarstorm, a patrol is coming.” Snowdance glanced briefly at him. “Remember to keep calm, alright?”

        He followed her gaze up the hill where a WindClan patrol was staring down at them. Cedarstorm lashed his tail, straightening himself up and forcing his ruffled fur to lie flat. He didn’t speak, but nodded back to Snowdance that she would know he heard him. If he was lucky, maybe she would do all the talking.

        Blacktail was leading the WindClan patrol, a senior warrior with pelt as white as snow except for the jet black of his tail. Crowfrost and Swiftsun were padding along behind him, their eyes narrowed in suspicion at the ShadowClan trespassers.         Cedarstorm kept his head high when they approach, his ear flicked in betrayal of his anxiousness.

        “Snowdance, Cedarstorm.” Blacktail nodded in greeting to them. His eyes scanned both medicine cat and deputy with soft realization in his eyes. Concern drifted in the tone of his voice. “I assume the two of you are alone?”

        Cedarstorm glanced at Snowdance, but the medicine cat only nodded back to Blacktail. “Yes,” she replied simply, the tone of her voice indicating that she wasn't going to say more.

        Curse her. Cedarstorm shifted on his paws, trying to keep himself from trembling too much. He looked back at Blacktail and the other WindClan warriors, stepping forward in attempt to hide his doubt. “We are alone and we seek passage to the Moonstone.”

        Swiftsun blinked back at them. The young warrior tilted his head in confusion. “Why are you off to the Moonstone?”

        Cedarstorm grit his teeth. Was it not obvious? Why else would a deputy and a medicine cat be trekking across these blasted moors, frog-brain?! How many times was he going to have to say it? “Northstar has passed on to StarClan.”

        The three WindClan warriors stilled at Cedarstorm’s words. Swiftsun and Crowfrost exchanged a glance while Blacktail hung his head. “This tragedy befalls all the forest.” He looked back at Cedarstorm with sorrow in his eyes for the ShadowClan leader he had respected. “I am sorry for your loss.” The senior warrior turned his gaze up at the sky. “This is surely a night of change.”

        “I’m sorry for you loss,” Swiftsun offered kindly, his ears falling back in sorrow for the ShadowClan leader.

        “Let them through.” Blacktail stepped aside, waving his tail for his patrol to get out of the way. “We have no place to deny a deputy to travel to get their lives.”

        Cedarstorm could only nod in reply to the WindClan warriors, his voice choked up with emotion. Once the WindClan cats cleared out of the way, Cedarstorm started forward, keeping his eyes facing front while their gazes followed after him. Snowdance was kinder, dipping her head in gratitude to them and even voicing a thank you. Cedarstorm felt their gazes on them all across the moorlands and he silently cursed WindClan for having such open territory. It wasn’t until they crossed the next hill that those gazes were finally off his pelt. Cedarstorm shook his fur out just to make sure of it.

        Neither of them spoke on the rest of their trek to the Moonstone. Cedarstorm’s steps grew heavier the closer they got. Doubt whispered in the back of his mind, warning him that he wasn’t good enough. He should turn back and make someone else leader. He’d never measure up to Northstar, why bother even trying? He knew he’d only fail. Yet, call it pride or call it faith, Cedarstorm just kept going. He followed behind Snowdance through the valley of his doubt, leaning on the faith that Northstar and Starrylight had in him.

        “We’re here.”

        Cedarstorm blinked up at Snowdance’s calm words. Set before them was a gaping hole burrowing deep into the earth. Cedarstorm flattened his ears, the Mothermouth loomed over them like they were about to get swallowed whole and it skipped his heart with fear. He glanced at the medicine cat, his doubt whispering that this was a huge mistake, he shouldn’t become leader of ShadowClan.

        “It’s time.” Snowdance stepped over to him, looking him in the eye. “Are you ready? I can lead you down to the Moonstone, but we mustn’t talk once we step through the Mothermouth. Only leaders know what the nine lives ceremony is like and you cannot share the experience with anyone.”

        Cedarstorm felt his mouth grow dry once again, his voice even cracked when he spoke. “You mean I go through this alone?”

        “I will be with you in the chamber the entire time.” Snowdance pressed her nose to his cheek. “Do not fear, Cedarstorm. Neither Opalmist nor I have received any bad omens about your leadership. I believe this is StarClan’s will.”

        I wish I could believe that. Cedarstorm flicked his ear doubtfully, but he nodded to the medicine cat. “Then let’s go.”

        He followed her down the long dark tunnels of the Mothermouth. The cave was cool, his paws tingling against the cold of the stone and even the moist walls were frozen with ice from the thick of leaf-bare. Cedarstorm stayed close to the medicine cat, the further they went the blacker the tunnel became and fear pounded within his heart. He nearly panicked, his breath skipping a pace faster. The deeper they went, Cedarstorm's own mind was fooled into thinking that Snowdance had gone, swallowed up by the darkness, even when her scent was right in front of him. It was only when her tail tapped against his nose that he felt the reassuring sense of her presence. StarClan, Cedarstorm closed his eyes against the shadows all around, using his whiskers to feel his way down the tunnel. Why would Northstar pick someone so fearful to lead her Clan? Any other warrior would’ve been the better choice.

        The tightness of the tunnel suddenly vanished. Cedarstorm followed Snowdance into the open cavern of the Moonstone, the light of the stars in the sky hitting it just right that when he stepped in, it shown like the moon itself. Breath was stolen from Cedarstorm’s lungs at the sight of it. Dazzling lights of blues and silvers filled the moist cavern as if the earth itself was made of starlight. Cedarstorm turned his wide eyes to Snowdance. All he needed to do was to lay down and press his nose against the Moonstone, he had seen Northstar do it when he was an apprentice and she brought him here. Yet, even in the majesty of the starlit cavern, doubt lingered like a rat in his mind. Northstar and countless leaders before her had laid down and pressed their noses to the stone, they all deserved the honor of leading ShadowClan. How could he compare to the ones who had gone before?

        Yet, Snowdance nodded to him in encouragement, beckoning him with her tail to lay against the stone. Cedarstorm took a deep breath to still his fraying nerves. He slowly stepped up to the large crystal, as if one wrong move would cause it to crack and shatter. The closer he got, he the more he squinted against its shining light and he swore that the stars themselves were trapped deep within the rock. Cedarstorm eased himself down, tucking his paws in place where hundreds of paws had laid before him. He filled his lungs with a shaky breath and let it out slowly. His doubt was betrayed in the way he flicked his ear, but he laid his head down upon the cold stone floor, carefully sliding his nose forward to touch against the Moonstone.

        Starlight filled his eyes when Cedarstorm opened them again. He was standing in the middle of Four Trees, the air warm and welcoming. Stars danced above the great oaks as if they were apples upon their branches. Once more, Cedarstorm was at a loss of breath, the closeness of the stars dazzled Fourtrees like a million fireflies danced above the grasses. He took a step backward, a prickling in his pelt at the sudden fear that the stars would swallow him whole.

        “Your doubt will be your greatest enemy, Cedarstorm.”

        The young tom’s heart skipped a beat at the sound of the clear and strong voice. Northstar sat upon the Great Rock. The gray of old age was gone from her muzzle and her eyes were alive with new energy. Upon her forehead the diamond of white fur she had shone like the many stars in the sky. She looked upon him with warmth and pride. Nothing hindered her from jumping down and coming to him, no aches in her bones, and no shortness in her breath. She padded over to him like she had the energy of a brand new apprentice. “Welcome, Cedarstorm.” Northstar purred, pressing her cheek to his in greeting. “Tonight, you will be made the next leader of ShadowClan.”

        Anguish ripped through Cedarstorm at her touch, he flattened his ears, stomach churning with the doubts that whispered in his mind. “Northstar, I can’t…” He stepped back, shaking his head. “How am I supposed to follow in your pawsteps? I’m not the right cat to lead ShadowClan.”

        A soft chuckle purred from Northstar’s throat. “And yet, here you are.” She shook her head, a smile brightening her face. “Cedarstorm, you blind yourself from your great potential. However, you are right.” She nodded curtly to him. “You cannot follow in my pawsteps. You must make your own path, lead ShadowClan your own way, not mine.” When he tore his gaze from her to look down at the ground, she stepped forward and nudged him. “Look at me, Cedarstorm. Was it not you who defended Shadowclan at the border when WindClan challenged Stormfury? Was it not you who led the twoleg out of the territory and blocked the path so it couldn’t return? Were you not the one who put the Clan first in helping kittypets in exchange for food so we wouldn’t starve? And were you not the one to lead the patrol to chase rogues out of our territory with the ferociousness of all of TigerClan?” Northstar smiled softly at him. “Cedarstorm, you have the potential to lead ShadowClan into greatness, but you choose to doubt yourself on what everyone else says or thinks. I chose you over every other member of the Clan to succeed me. The Clan even chose you over Ashrock when he deceived you. You already have all that you need. So tonight, as I begin my walk in the stars. I ask you to begin your walk as leader.”

        Cedarstorm flicked his ear, and struggled to hold her gaze. The doubt in his mind battled with the encouragement from her words like a rat fighting against a warrior. Yet, in the end, he knew she was right. The shadows of his doubt could lie to him hundreds of times, but that would never make them the truth. Northstar chose him, because she saw potential in him. Even with the fear gripping his stomach for the days to come, Cedarstorm dipped his head to her. “I swear, I won’t let you down, Northstar.”

        The ShadowClan leader purred back at him, her blue eyes shining like stars. “There are a few cats here who are eager to see you, Cedarstorm, and I’m sure you’ll be eager to see them too.” A knowing smile curled upon her lips and she stepped back and away from him, the shine of her pelt blending into the light of the stars like a ShadowClan warrior blended into darkness.

        A line of cats sat in front of the Great Rock, each of them watching Cedarstorm. Yet, he couldn’t make out who they were. All of them were silhouetted against the light of the stars. The cat on the far left side of the line sudden stood up and padded over to him. The cat was a large tom that even towered over Cedarstorm. He had strong and toned muscles plainly defined under his scarred, dark ginger pelt. Nicks chipped at his ears and he had green eyes as firm as a mighty oak. “Cedarstorm.” The tom dipped his head in greeting. “My name is Jaggedclaw.”

        “J-Jaggedclaw?!” Cedarstorm blinked in breath-taking surprise. “You’re--!”

        “Closesky’s father.” Jaggedclaw nodded once, firmly cutting him off, but a smirk curled his lip. “I couldn’t be prouder of my son for raising kits like you and your siblings. Closesky thinks he has failed the promise I made him swear, but he couldn’t be more wrong. Please.” Jaggedclaw dipped his head again. “Tell him that he has made me very proud.” The large tom stepped toward Cedarstorm after the young deputy nodded. “With this life, I give you endurance. May you carry on through every hardship, beating your body into submission that you will not collapse under any pressure.”

        The pain slammed into Cedarstorm like a landslide. He wasn’t expecting the blunt rush that crunched his nerves into flinching shock the moment Jaggedclaw’s nose touched his. Cedarstorm grit his teeth, voicing out audible grunts against the life that fired through him. A new power filled him from his paws all the way to his ear tips. He felt as if he had the endurance to carry any burden, travel any distance, stand through any fire and rain that came his way and it quickened a new hope within his chest that the doubt in his mind faltered.

        Cedarstorm spread his paws to steady himself when Jaggedclaw stepped away. He panted heavily, heart beating swiftly. No wonder leaders never talk about the nine lives ceremony. Cedarstorm grunted in effort to regain a sturdier stance. I won’t talk about it either if all nine are like this! He looked back up at Jaggedclaw, the large tom was silently snickering in amusement. That’s Jaggedclaw, Cedarstorm quieted in his silent disbelief. His father had told him countless stories about Jaggedclaw, the greatest fighter in all the Clans and now the tom was standing right in front of him. I looked up to him.

        Jaggedclaw nodded curtly to Cedarstorm, respect glinting in his eyes. He took a step back before turning to return to place in the long line of cats. Cedarstorm stared after him, but then looked to the next cat who stood up to come his way. Who all was he going to meet here?

        She had a pelt as fluffy as a cloud and just as soft. When she looked upon Cedarstorm, her blue eyes shone with pride. Cedarstorm flattened his ears at the sight of her, a warm sorrow filling his heart, but he couldn’t help but purr. This she-cat was Softmist. After his mother passed on giving birth to him and his siblings, Cedarstorm, Ashrock, and Kinkfire were raised in the care of Softmist when their father was out preforming his duties. She had been a mother to him when he had none. “Softmist.” He stepped toward her. “I’ve missed you.”

        “Hello again, Cedarstorm,” the former queen purred warmly. “I know you have the potential to be a fantastic leader. You already care about your Clan so much.” Soft pride shone in her eyes. “With this life, I give you the fierceness of a mother’s love for her kits. Use this to care for your Clan for many moons to come. They are all your family now and they depend on you.”

        Cedarstorm stepped forward to touch his nose to hers, not for the sake of receiving the life, but for the sake of feeling her presence again. The moment their noses touched, the life swept through him. Cedarstorm grit his teeth and dug his claws into the ground. For a mother’s love, he didn’t’ think the life would feel quite like this. He felt a burning ferociousness in his veins like he had just grown three sizes and had the claws of a mighty badger, ready to crush anyone who dared threaten his Clan. Cedarstorm shifted his paws to a stronger stance, breathing in the new life with the endurance of the one given previously. He would stand against anything that dared threaten any of his clanmates.

        When Softmist stepped away, Cedarstorm lowered his head in heavy panting, his throat drier than the WindClan moors in a drought. The beloved queen was stepping away from him, a soft smile upon her face. “I know you will do great things,” she mewed quietly before taking her leave and returning to the line of starry cats. Cedarstorm flattened his ears, partly wishing for those days he spent curled up in her fur in the nursery.

        The next cat that stepped up was a small, golden furred she-cat. She had a pleasant smile on her face, her blue eyes watching Cedarstorm with bright excitement. Cedarstorm purred softly when she stepped up. This was Goldenheart, a warrior of ShadowClan who died too young at the claws of ThunderClan. “Hello.” Goldenheart dipped her head to him in greeting. “With this life, I give you kindness. Use it to look upon your Clan with kind eyes and heart. Don’t let anger rule your mind.”

        Cedarstorm did hesitate in accepting this new life. After how painful the last few had been, he wasn’t sure he wanted to endure another one. However, he stepped forward to meet her. Goldeneheart was a gentle soul, the daughter of Scorchfire and Icefire, and Cedarstorm knew how much they missed her.

        He was tensed and fully prepared to take the pain of another life. Yet, the life of kindness drifted over him like a warm and soft breeze. The fires of his anger, pride, and doubt all dwindled away like snow melting before a flame. A refreshing sense of belief drifted within his heart like a leaf on a breeze. Cedarstorm blinked his eyes open when Goldenheart stepped away. Inexpiable gratitude growing in his heart. “Thank you, Goldenheart.”

        The she-cat dipped his head back to him, holding her soft smile. “Take care.” Without another word, she stepped back into the line behind her.

        The next cat to scamper forward was a small brown kit. His eyes were bright when he looked up at the young deputy. “Hello, Cedarstorm. I’m sure you don’t recognize me. I’m Frogkit!” He stepped forward, lifting his nose toward the deputy. Cedarstorm had to lower his head to accept the life the young kit had to give. “With this life, I give you contemplation. Use it to think before you act that you may do what is best for your friends, your family, and your Clan.” A sorrow lingered in the young kit’s eyes at the last few words he spoke.

        Stillness lingered in Cedarstorm’s heart at the sight of the kit. He didn’t know Frogkit well, but every cat in ShadowClan knew of his tragedy. Frogkit had left the camp to explore and met his fate at the fangs of a fox. With kits of his own, Cedarstorm heeded well to the tale of the tiny tom.

        The life Frogkit had to give rushed through Cedarstorm like the swarm of a hundred bees. He grit his teeth at the stinging that pricked at his pelt. Every muscle in his body locked into place and the bees swarmed into his mind. Thoughts scattered throughout his head, too many all at once that he couldn’t even decipher them. When Frogkit stepped back, Cedarstorm’s vision grew blurry, his head buzzing from the onslaught of the life. He shook his head, a desperate attempt to clear it and a long breath of exhaustion escaped his throat.

        “If you wouldn’t mind.” Frogkit stepped toward him again, blinking up at Cedarstorm in patient waiting for his mind to clear. “I have a message for my sister.” He looked off toward the trees around the four great oaks where a she-cat’s outline watched them proudly. “Please, tell her that Mattedpelt and I are watching over her. She doesn’t need to hold onto our memories anymore. Tell her.” He looked back at Cedarstorm. “Tell her to make new ones, for us.” He dipped his head to Cedarstorm respectfully. Then stepped away to return to his place beside Goldenheart.

        Cedarstorm nodded back to the young kit, following his gaze over to Mattedpelt. It moved him how softly Frogkit had spoken. He would be sure to pass on his message, as he would wish someone would pass on a message for him.

        A golden and white tom padded quickly toward Cedarstorm from the line of starry cats. He held his head high, walking healthy and tall. The scars and wears of his life had left his pelt that he looked as clean and as new as a fuzzy apprentice. He grinned brightly when he stepped up in front of Cedarstorm, the young deputy almost stepping back at how quickly he came. The tom’s blue eyes were shining with his excitement. “It’s so neat, being able to give you a life! Things like these once dazzled my imagination! I was born far, far away from here. Yet, call it fate or destiny, I made it here. Every day I lived, whether it was fun or painful, was a part of a journey that took me everywhere. I fell in love with your clanmate and moons later I fell in love with her Clan.” The tom shifted his stance, Cedarstorm didn’t think he could stand any taller. “Becoming a father, becoming a warrior, and becoming a friend to my new clanmates, a part of a new home. It was another step on this path of life.”

        Cedarstorm twitched his whiskers in amusement. The tom chuckling with brave and giddy excitement. This was Grizzleyheart, father of Lynxdapple and Goldberry. He had been a loner for most of his life, but fell in love with a Clan cat. Even after his kits were born, Grizzleyheart had kept to his loner life. Yet, after Goldberry’s banishment and reconcile, and the assistance he offered Northstar in life, Grizzleyheart asked to join ShadowClan and Northstar welcomed him in, believing his life experience would only benefit the Clan. He served moons as a loyal warrior, but met his fate when illness swept through the Clan. Even now, the tom had a kit-like, adventurous shine to his eyes. Cedarstorm didn’t hesitate to touch noses with him.

        “With this life, Cedarstorm, I give you the gift of adventure. Search every tree, every stone, and every burrow. Explore the world and run into the unknown with fearlessness in your head and wonder in your heart. No matter how scary things may seem, find the curiosity inside of you and blaze your path with no regrets. Chin up, kitto. A new adventure awaits you.”

        Quickening energy jumped through Cedarstorm’s heart when the new life flowed through him. His paws began to itch, a fire burning within him as if he were fueled to run forever. He swallowed a dry throat, grunting against the pain that flowed with this life, but his eyes stayed wide open, not wanting to miss a thing.

        When Grizzleyheart stepped back, Cedarstorm stumbled forward in heavy exhaustion. How many more lives were there? He didn’t know how many more he could take. Yet, he forced himself to stand tall, looking up at Grizzelyheart with his chin up, heavy breath panting from his lungs. “Th-thank you.”

        “You’re welcome!” Grizzleyheart smiled brightly back at him before turning to scamper back into the line of cats. His eyes always a wonder at everything he saw.

        The next cat to step forward was a brown tom. Calm pride shone on his face when he carefully approached Cedarstorm. “Long time no see.” The tom bowed his head. “I’ve been watching the Clan ever since that day moons ago. Despite the shady circumstances, I do not regret dying for my Clan.” He looked Cedarstorm in the eye, blinking in sadness momentarily. “I know that Goldberry truly wasn’t himself.”

        “Sprucewing.” Cedarstorm blinked in surprise at the young warrior’s words. The story of Sprucewing’s death was still fresh in the Clan’s heart. Rat’s ambushed ShadowClan’s camp, led there by the guidance of the Dark Forest working through Goldberry. Sprucewing died too young that day, along with Talonfury, and even Northstar had lost a life.

        “Now isn’t the time to talk about me.” Sprucewing shifted his stance, holding his head high. “I offer you a lesson from my past, Cedarstorm. With this life, I give you forgiveness. I know you have struggled with yourself and perhaps your own clanmates, but do not fear. With this life, you shall be given the courage and patience to forgive those who may have been misled.”

        Cedarstorm stepped back from the warrior, his ears falling back at the life Sprucewing was ready to give. The shadows that dwelled in the back of his mind whispered for him not to take it. How could he forgive the wrongs that been done to him and others? Why should he? Cedarstorm’s first thought was of Ashrock, his own brother. The gray warrior had put poppy seeds in his prey, dosed Cedarstorm that he slept late through the day and missed sending out the morning patrols. The Clan looked down on him for it, called him lazy, and questioned his dedication as a deputy. All the while, Ashrock took his place. Ashrock had sent out the patrols, shined in the Clan’s eyes as a worthier warrior until Stormfury shed light upon the gray warrior’s scheme. Even now, Cedarstorm could picture his brother’s gaze. Ashrock held no guilt for his actions in those yellow eyes of his. To this day, he looked upon Cedarstorm with bitterness and doubt in his eyes, envious of the position his brother had. The sharp prick of anguish poked like a needle into his heart. How could he forgive Ashrock for what he had done? Before the truth came out, Cedarstorm had only doubted himself, but now he doubted the actions of his own clanmates.

        The young tom closed his eyes, a heavy sigh breathing from his lips. What kind of leader doubted their own Clan? Northstar had only shown full faith in her Clan during her nine lives. She had so much faith in her warriors that she allowed Stormfury’s father—whoever he may be—go unpunished for breaking the warrior code by having kits with Swallowfeather of WindClan, just because she believed he could be a better warrior, rise up from his mistakes and put the Clan first. I can’t even trust my own brother… Cedarstorm looked back at Sprucewing, the starry warrior waiting patiently to give Cedarstorm the life of forgiveness.

        Deny it, whispered the darkness in his mind. You’re already a weak leader. Forgiveness will just make you weaker.

        Cedarstorm took a deep breath and stepped toward Sprucewing, denying the darkness in his head. Forgiveness started with one step, his own father had taught him that. Perhaps if he showed faith in his Clan, warriors like Ashrock would rise better than who they were now. He touched his nose to Sprucewing’s.

        The life nearly rocked him off his feet. As tender as forgiveness sounded, it was an unrelenting choice to be chosen day after day. Cedarstorm’s muscles locked in place and he closed his eyes tight against the brunt pain that washed through him. It almost brought tears to his eyes and Ashrock flashed to the forefront of his mind once again. Then the unknown father of Stormfury, a traitor within the Clan that went unpunished. A lump of conflict choked Cedarstorm’s throat and tears leaked from his eyes. Had that warrior not betrayed the Clan, Stormfury would’ve never come to the Clan, and Ashrock would’ve gotten away with dosing his brother. Cedarstorm would’ve lost the rank of ShadowClan’s deputy and he wouldn’t be receiving these nine lives today.

        He nearly fell over when Sprucewing stepped away. Cedarstorm’s legs trembled violently from the conflict of the life he had been given. He panted heavily and even tasted blood in his dried out throat. Tears leaked from his eyes like water rolling off a leaf. Out of all the lives he had been given, that one was the hardest.

        Cedarstorm didn’t even notice that Sprucewing had returned to the line of starry cats. The next tom that came up to him was patient in waiting for Cedarstorm to recover. He had a big build and strong muscles lined under his fur. Amber eyes twinkled upon Cedarstorm almost in humor, but that humor wasn’t directed at the turmoil within the younger tom. White patches dazzled like starlight on the tom’s brown fur. “Hello, Cedarstorm.” The tom nodded in greeting when Cedarstorm recovered his stance. The young tom squinted at the starry cat, not recognizing him. “You may not know me, but I was alive when you were born.” The tom smiled at him. “Closesky was a good friend of mine and I to him. I remember him being the most prideful cat in the Clans when you and your siblings were born.” A smirk slid onto his face and he chuckled. “I am Clawheart. You know my son: Oakstalk.”

        Cedarstorm blinked in recognition of the tom’s name. Closesky had told him and his siblings quite a few stories about Clawheart, mostly stories about the trouble the two often got into. Cedarstorm dipped his head in respect to the tom, forcing away the emotions stirred up by the previous life. It was an honor for him to stand before Clawheart and Cedarstorm even felt honored to serve ShadowClan alongside Oakstalk today.

        Clawheart stepped up to the young tom, resting his muzzle on Cedarstorm’s head. “With this life, I give you strength. Strength to protect your Clan in battle from all outside forces, and strength to follow your heart and your instincts. They will guide you to know what’s best for ShadowClan.”

        Cedarstorm closed his eyes when the next life swept through him, tensing in preparation for it. The strength of a thousand fires rushed through his veins, filling his paws that he tore up the ground with his claws. Cedarstorm grunted in deep agony, his heart swelling with the new found fire. Even with the pain that shattered through his nerves, he stood strong, fortified with this new strength that his paws would not falter. I will not falter, he silently promised himself. I won’t.

        He was left panting when Clawheart stepped back. Cedarstorm shifted his stance to keep himself balanced on shaky legs. How many more lives were left? He had lost count of how many he had been given. The pain these lives brought on felt unending. The doubt in his mind unrelentingly telling him that he couldn’t do it. He would break before the last life was given. I can endure. Cedarstorm grit his teeth, setting his paws under him once again. He lifted his head to look back at his father’s old friend, taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart. “Thank you, Clawheart.”

        The larger warrior smirked back at him, giving Cedarstorm a single nod. “Good luck.”

        When Clawheart stepped back into the line of starry cats, another one stepped forward. She had a lean build and long-legs. Her pelt was a deep black that blended with the night of the stars; yet, brown speckles dappled on her fur like fallen leafs upon the ground. White tips crested like snow on her paws, ears, and tail. She stepped up to Cedarstorm her chest swelled with pride. Her bright mossy blue eyes shined upon him, but Cedarstorm only blinked at her in confusion. He had never seen this she-cat before.

        “Cedarstorm.” The she-cat smiled at him, shimmering love in her eyes. “My son.”

        Shock had him stepping back in surprise. Cedarstorm’s green eyes grew wide. Her shimmering black pelt, brown specks, and white tips. StarClan, he should’ve known. Closesky had only told her stories countless times! Yet, Cedarstorm could only stare back at her, his breath lost from his lungs and emotion welling in his throat. This was Swiftleap, one of the fastest warriors in ShadowClan. She was renowned for her courage and her speedy skill, but Cedarstorm knew her as someone else. She was his mother.

        “I’m so proud of you.” Swiftleap pressed her cheek to his, a deep purr rumbling from her throat. “I’m so proud of you and your siblings. I never got to tell you how much I love you all.”

        Emotion choked Cedarstorm’s throat. He pressed against her, ears falling back and eyes closing tight. How many nights as a kit had he laid awake longing for his own mother? How many times had he asked his father and even shouted to the depths of StarClan why she was taken from them? He had so much he wanted to tell her, so much he wanted to ask; yet, he couldn’t get a word out. All he wanted to do was be close to her.

        “Its okay, Cedarstorm.” Swiftleap licked his forehead, purring gently when she saw the sorrow in his eyes. “I’m always with you.” She nudged his shoulder, an action Closesky often did to encourage him to cheer up. “You’re going to be a great leader of ShadowClan. I know it well.” Swiftleap stepped back, lifting her head up to proudly size up her son. “With this life, I give you confidence. May you stand strong upon your word and banish all doubt from your mind. You are right where you belong, my kit, and you are fully supported by those who love you.”

        Cedarstorm stepped forward to touch noses with her, his heart pounding in anguish. StarClan had taken Swiftleap from him the day he and his siblings had been born. He only knew her from the stories his father had told him. Yes, he had felt a mother’s love from Softmist, but Softmist was known as the mother of the Clan. She adopted and loved every kit she came across that Cedarstorm began longing for a love that belonged to him and his siblings alone. Now, here she was. Swiftleap was standing before him and he was too choked up to even tell her how much he missed her.

        The life she gave him filled him like a summer’s breeze. It lifted him up, his paws rooted to the ground beneath him like he was as sure and as sturdy as the four great oaks around them. The pain he felt was dull compared to the other lives, a buzzing fly that he could just swat away. With Swiftleap’s love and belief, the doubts that whispered in the dark of his mind were banished in the light of this new life. Cedarstorm blinked at his mother when she stepped back. Swiftleap read everything he wanted to say in his eyes. She dipped her head to him, mossy blue eyes filled with love, before she turned to head back to the line of starry cats.

        Cedarstorm watched her even after she sat down beside Clawheart once again. He only looked away when movement caught the corner of his eye. Northstar slipped from the stars around them, blending back into the field like a ghost out of the shadows. She stepped up to Cedarstorm, a gentle smile on her face. “Well done, Cedarstorm. I have one final life to give you, but you must remember: doubt is your greatest enemy. You already have everything it takes to lead ShadowClan. Trust in your Clan and trust in yourself and you will be a leader the stars remember.”

        The young tom dipped his head, willing himself to ignore his own darkness. “I won’t let you down, Northstar.”

        The ShadowClan leader purred softly. “I know you won’t.” She took a deep breath, speaking as strong and as clear as if she were back on Clan Rock. “Cedarstorm, with this life, I give you pride and certainty! May you stand strong behind your Clan and know your place among the forest!” Northstar stepped forward and pressed her nose to his.

        The whole world quaked when the life flowed through Cedarstorm. The young tom took a deep and quickening breath, his heart tripping in excited rhythm. He almost pulled away, not because he couldn’t take the pain or he denied the life all together, but because he could only stand taller. He lifted his head high, his paws set surely beneath him like he were mountain unable to be moved. Fire blazed within his heart and an itching scratched through his every nerve, an itching that made him eager to get back to ShadowClan.

        Northstar stepped back after passing Cedarstorm the final life. The line of starry cats behind her each stepped forward, and Northstar raised her head high. “We hail you by your new name: Cedarstar!” Her voice rang across the stars. “Your old life is no more! You have received the nine lives of a leader! StarClan grants you the guardianship of ShadowClan! Defend it well, care for the young and old, honor you ancestors, and the traditions of the warrior code. Live each life with pride and dignity!” She matched Cedarstar’s gaze, pride swelling in her eyes. “We fully recognize you as the new leader of ShadowClan!”

        “Cedarstar! Cedarstar!”

        All the stars echoed with the cheering of his new name. Cedarstar was breathless. Each cat that gave him a life cheered his name with pride and acceptance. The clearing filled with starry warriors, many he recognized and many he knew not who they were, but they cheered for him all the same, a unified voice carrying over the great oaks and off into the night.

        Northstar stepped toward him again, pressing her nose to his in one last action of her support and trust. “I pass off my Clan to you, young Cedarstar. I trust you’ll take good care of them.” She dipped her head to him, a sign of respect between leaders. “Return to your Clan, and remember: we watch over you always.”

        Cedarstar dipped his head in gratefulness for all the cats before him. It warmed him to know they were looking out for him. That someday, nine lives later, he would see them all again. He let his gaze linger upon Northstar. She had been the youngest cat ever to receive the guardianship of ShadowClan and she spent every bit of her nine lives protecting her Clan. If he became half the leader she was, he would make ShadowClan proud. A new determination set within his mind. He nodded to his former leader. “I promise, Northstar. I won’t let you down. ShadowClan will not falter under my leadership.”

        A purr rumbled from Northstar’s throat, echoing through the stars. She didn’t say anything, her shimmering blue eyes said it all. Her pride, her affection, her gratefulness, and her support. Cedarstar stared into those eyes even when the word around him began to fade. Like stars in the dawn sky, the cats of StarClan slipped away. Northstar’s purr was the last thing he heard. He closed his eyes, smiling softly at the thought of how happy she was and he found himself hoping that someday he would be just as happy when he joined the stars.

        The moonstone’s light was dim with Cedarstar opened his eyes again. He stood up, muscles aching from being crouched so long, but a new purpose stirred in his heart. The doubt in the shadow of his mind was silent and new excitement rose the fur on his back. He looked at Snowdance, the medicine cat laying soundly beside him, but a few moments later, she was blinking awake, and shifting her paws to stand. He didn’t need to say anything. The look in her eyes told him she already knew. He had been accepted by StarClan, received his nine lives, and was now leader of ShadowClan. Cedarstar smirked lightly, he flicked his tail in signal for her to follow him, and he started out of the Moonstone cavern, leading the way back home to ShadowClan.

Whiteblaze and Hornetstrike: Natural


“I think that squirrel has had enough.”

Hornetstrike chuckles as he watches the white she-cat finish her kill, biting into the squirming prey with trained ease. She’s methodical and strong, in everything she does. He has admired that long before they started their relationship.

And yet Hornetstrike has come to realize he’s seen it with such simplicity. A mate, kits, growing old, all in eachother’s embrace. He’s only had clan relationships to learn from, his father had died before he had understood Quailsong’s relationship with Winter. He watches Shadowblossom and Yarrowcloud, Eagleclaw and Emberfluff...

And in his youth he imagined love was only like that. He imagined back then he’d somehow gain Mapleleaf’s affections and be at her side. He realizes quickly that it had only been a kithood crush. What he felt for Lightningstar’s daughter was a rushed fantasy, unreachable and rightly so.

What he feels for Whiteblaze is natural, overwhelming, bone-crushing love at every sound of her voice, appreciation of every flaw and skill. She’s so real, so grounding. He is the water to his fire, and she makes him wiser, calmer.

She is home.

And yet, he still thinks to simply at first. Still thinks being mates means nuzzles at each turn, affections at each phrase. Perhaps he fears if he does not state his care, that she will think it’s not there.

It is the opposite, he learns after the fantasies he felt turn into reality. He knows she loves their daughter, but he’s come to learn she does not love how Frostpaw came into this world. She becomes sullen and saddened, and it shatters his heart because he can’t understand why. He can’t understand what she’s feeling, or that some queens become this way after kitting.

Above all, he cannot understand that her lack of contact is not because she does not love him. It is because it discomforts her, it frightens her, the idea of her body changing and becoming different when she was pregnant. The idea of the control of herself and her body being dependent on another. Yes, he does not understand this at first.

But as moons pass, and the relationship between Whiteblaze and Frostpaw has mended, Hornetstrike realizes he’s too old now to see the world in fantasy, in black or white. He knows two things, above all.

He knows that he will always love Whiteblaze, as deep as the river and as powerful as a storm.

And he knows that he will do all he can to understand her and support her.

Beyond that, there is no simplicities. There never should be. Whiteblaze is Whiteblaze because she is different from others. Whiteblaze is perfect because she is who she is.

His thoughts return to the hunt as Whiteblaze places the squirrel down. Her blue eyes flicker towards him, and her voice rings with haughty snark.

“I could have done far worse to this squirrel. And to you, seeing as you keep climbing trees. You know how much I hate it when you go that high...”

Hornetstrike’s voice is apologetic as he looks at his mate.

“I know, I know. The squirrel went higher than I thought it would. But! You caught it, and that’s what’s important!” He tries to alleviate the severity with his usual humor and light.

But Whiteblaze’s eyes grow stern, and the hint of her newfound tiredness and sadness fills her. Hornetstrike feels it pierce his heart.

“Hornetstrike. The clan can survive without a squirrel in a tree. I just...” She sighs, and Hornetstrike knows her well enough to know that admitting these things is hard for her. To show vulnerability causes her stress, and he feels guilty that he even caused it.

He shakes his head once and assures.
“It was careless of me, and I’m sorry. No more tree climbing. We’ll hunt mice instead.”

It’s enough to get her shoulders to relax, and she turns away to bury the squirrel. The setting sun marks that the short hunt won’t last much longer. But, Hornetstrike can’t let this go to waste. They do not often get time alone together. They are two skilled and trusted warriors, who have been trusted with multiple apprentices and many battles and patrols. Clan life is busy, and both of them work hard and focus on their tasks. With a kit to raise as well, it gets busy.

So, he knows he needs to be honest, and he needs to understand as much as he can. He needs to.

“Whiteblaze.” He mews, grabbing her attention as their eyes meet. He sees her shift, a veil of something sad that appeared in her eyes a while ago and has not left yet. It saddens him, and yet he knows it is because he doesn’t understand it yet. But he will, he certainly will try.

“When Frostpaw was born. And before, and after, you grew saddened. I didn’t understand it at first, and I had thought I had gravely wronged you...but it was more than that, wasn’t it?”

Whiteblaze pauses then, her eyes falter and she twinges for a moment, before her ears fall the slightest bit, and the words still upon her tongue. She looks away then, a small shrug passing her shoulders as she swallows.

“I...suppose so. Yes. Look, it wasn’t you, it wasn’t Frostpaw, really, it was...” It’s clear she’s trying to explain the best she can, but Hornetstrike feels her hesitation, her heaviness and reluctance, and he has to force himself to keep still. To not move and let her speak her mind.

“I felt trapped. At first I jumped into it thinking I could do this right...and when you were so excited at the prospect of kits, I...A part of me wondered why I didn’t feel the same way at all. I didn’t want to disappoint you, and yet...”

She looks at him, and Hornetstrike can feel her agony.

“When I was pregnant, and every part of me felt...like it wasn’t me, it was as if I wasn’t in my own body anymore. I couldn’t control my time, my decisions, there were expectations of me that I didn’t ever think about before, and once they all hit me, I just...”

She looks away again, and he watches her shuffle her paws. He can tell she’s been holding these words back, and perhaps she has not wanted to say them before now.

He listens though, and suddenly it begins to make sense.

“I knew I’d be a dreadful mother. I only felt guilt that this kit would have me to raise her, that I didn’t want to be a mother. I knew she’d grow to think I didn’t want her. And...and even if I didn’t want to give birth, I do love her. It was never her fault, it was-“

“Mine?” He asks lightly, and alarm fills Whiteblaze’s eyes as she sighs out.

“No, no no. It’s not-...agh, I’m trying to say that it’s not because of you, or Frostpaw. It’s, this is all me, but I can’t change how I feel, and I can’t change that I don’t want my body to not be mine again...even if I know it will hurt you.”

Hornetstrike is quiet for a moment. He takes the words in and contemplates them. He blinks once, before his face warps with gentle question.

“Why didn’t you tell me this?”

She looks away again, and the sturdiness in her voice falters as she shrugs again, as though reluctant to admit her words.

“I didn’t want to hurt you. I...I didn’t want you to hate me for not being the cat you wanted me to be.”

“Whiteblaze.” He breathes faintly, and his eyes steel with soft assurance.
“I could never hate you. All this time I thought it was me who was hurting you. And, in a way, it was.”

“Hornetstrike, I just said that it wasn’t like that...”

“I know. That’s not what I meant. Back then, before we had Frostpaw, I was inconsiderate. I was young, and I didn’t see the signs I should have. I did hurt you, even if I did not realize it. I held my fantasy of matehood above reality, and I made you feel like having kits was the only path to happiness that I could have with you.”

He breaths in, and continues.

“But I understand now, that you feel best when you are in control of yourself and your surroundings. I understand now that you felt so saddened because you felt trapped and you felt like you had to meet standards that you never wanted...And I know now, that Frostpaw understands that you do love her, but that you also need to feel like yourself, in an environment where you feel in control again. I was afraid, that you and Frostpaw had a disconnect that I could not mend.”

Whiteblaze watches him now with heavy eyes, but he feels a bit better seeing twinges of reluctant relief in the blue. He sits down, wrapping his tail around his paws as he takes this rare time to speak his thoughts with seriousness for once.

“You’ve always been independent, dedicated to the clan and comfortable working hard and by your own beat. I love you for that, and I always will. It was me that made it as if I had to protect you, or that you had to protect me, when it should have been us protecting eachother, as equals and as partners. For that, I am truly sorry, Whiteblaze. For not considering that you may not share the ideals I do. I should trust you more, that I know you love me. I shouldn’t need constant affections to believe that, and now I understand that.”

Whiteblaze looks at him for a long time this time. While the heaviness in her eyes does not go away, it certainly lifts a bit. She’s flicking her tail, and he knows her well enough to know this is flustering her, making her feel as weary as she feels relieved.

“No more talk of you being a dreadful mother though, Whiteblaze.” Hornetstrike pleaded, sturdy on the topic.
“Frostpaw loves you dearly. It’s not me she’s trying so hard to be like. It’s you. Her battle moves, her dedication. She found her own way to reconnect with you because she knew she wanted to understand you better. I think you’ve been a fine mother. You’re protective, assuring, strong-“

“You don’t have to say all that.”

“Hm?” He questions as she interrupts him. He notices how she swallows thickly and admits.

“All the compliments, er...I know you mean them, but they make me feel...I dunno, I just feel better when you’re with me, but when it’s not all about me.”

“Oh...oh!” Hornetstrike lifts his ears suddenly in realization. She enjoys his presence, but the constant reminders of traits discomforts her. Okay. He can work with this.

“Consider the compliments reduced. Thank you for telling me. I...I mean it. I was afraid that I had pushed you away, but I suppose I just didn’t know all of the story. I’m really happy, that I know what’s wrong now.”

“You don’t hate me?” Whiteblaze asks.
“You aren’t disappointed in me?”

He blanches.

“Of course not! This is what makes us better, talking like this. We haven’t been young warriors for a long time. You shouldn’t be expected to change for anyone, not even me. And I shouldn’t assume things and try so hard to find something that I know I have. No more kits, I promise you that. I will not ask you for any, I will not expect any, I will not ever make you feel like that ever again. I promise. And, I’ll never doubt your care for me, by trying so hard to tell you things I don’t need to.”

Whiteblaze finally sits down, facing him as she releases a breath that he thinks she’s been holding for moons.

“You mean that? You really do?”

“Yes. Whiteblaze, I meant it when I agreed to be your mate, that I am at your side, no matter what. I’m a rouge born half-clan cat who’s skinnier and louder than half the clan. I couldn’t judge you for anything.” He finds a sliver of light humor as he tries to ease the thick mood.

“You need your space, and you need to know you have options at all time. That’s fair. I love our little family, and I love fighting and hunting and patrolling with you, because you’re still my greatest, closest friend. That’ll never change, got it?”

She nods once, silent yet observant of him and his words.

Hornetstrike lifts his head and nods.

“Let’s work this out then. What is okay, and what is not okay with you, besides pregnancy and too much intimate contact?”

She hesitates for a moment, perhaps weary of saying something he will not like. But he is adamant to know what to do and what not to do.

“I enjoy when we do clan work together. I enjoy your jokes, and when we train with Frostpaw together. I like just...being natural, I guess. Taking naps on Sunningrocks together, or looking at the stars when we don’t have duties of course.” Whiteblaze explains. He drinks in every word, keeping it in mind.

“I...I don’t like being protected, in any kind of way. I don’t like being held back, like when I was pregnant. I don’t want to be expected to be with anyone at all times, and this is more than just you. I don’t like anybody in the clan at my back constantly, unless it’s our leader or deputy giving me duties. I just, I like my space. It’s not that I hate anyone, it’s that I don’t like being crowded.”

She stops there, looking at her mate as though gauging his reaction. Hornetstrike nods a few times and stores each word away in his mind. He is determined to remember this.

“Sounds good to me! I’m more than happy to let you decide when we do things together, and I know I can be attention hungry, but I like to think I’m getting better at calming myself.” He chuckles, before he gives his mate a warm look.

“Seriously. I...this makes me feel much better now. And, I hope it makes you feel better too. I don’t want to lose you, Whiteblaze. I want you to be happy.”

Whiteblaze lifts her eyes again, and Hornetstrike falls in love with her again and again each time he sees her look at him. He knows her heaviness still will remain, for a long time.

But he sees calamity and a relief there too, and it soothes his own anxieties. It’s silent for a moment, and he’s come to realize recently that words don’t have to always be spoken for an understanding.

He breaks the silence though, after all, he can’t change his brightness.

“I think we’ve had our quota of adult conversation for the night. What do you say we see who catches the most mice, hm?”

Whiteblaze seems to swallow down her nerves, relieved to focus back on hunting, knowing that the tension is not as harsh as she thinks.

She scoffs, rolling her eyes, though her voice speaks for her.

“That’s no challenge at all. I’ll humor you, Hornetstrike.”

“Hey!”

He pouts, but he feels warmer than ever. This calamity, this natural normality.

He likes it.

    Bumbleskip stared as he watched Softmist talk to Opalkit, the white she-cat’s eyes filled with love as she doted on her newest daughter. Bumbleskip remembered his mother having a similar look when he was a kit. Back when Bumbleskip was the only priority in Softmist’s life. Acornkit had died and Snakestripe had been confined to the medicine cat den, horribly ill. Things had been different then, just Bumblekit and Softmist against all odds.
    The tom sighed, he was sure his mother still loved him, but at this rate, half the clan had been raised by Softmist in one way or another. Now that he was grown, no longer a kit who needed constant guidance, he felt like his mother cared less and less for him. He was just the start of her many moons as a queen, just one of many kits she called her own.
    Her name was known throughout the clans, the mother of Shadowclan. The fiercest queen with the softest fur.  He was merely Bumbleskip. He was a disappointment from the very beginning: the failed medicine cat, the clumsy apprentice, the mediocre warrior. He had failed to save Brightflame. His first love, the cat who had never left his side. The two of them had grown up together, falling in love had been as easy as the breeze through the pine trees. His life had been much happier then, despite the loss of brother and father. Softmist loved him, Brightflame loved him. That was all he had needed. Brightflame was taken from him far too soon.

    Bumbleskip padded over to his kits, watching as Cherrypaw and Vinepaw wrestled outside the apprentices den. He purred softly, “You’ve barely been apprentices for a moon, but it looks like you’ve already learned a lot!”
    Cherrypaw thumped to the ground as she was caught off guard by her father’s voice. The small she-cat got up, ruffling out her fur before turning to Bumbleskip with a pout. “Father! I was winning... you distracted me.”  
    Bumbleskip leaned forward, licking Cherrypaw on the head once before turning to do the same to Vinepaw.
Vinepaw made a face, “We’re apprentices now, not kits.” she grumbled, but the annoyance did not quite reach her eyes.
    Bumbleskip shook his head settling down beside his daughters “You will always be my kits, no matter how old you get.” he replied, pulling Vinepaw close to his side before doing the same to Cherrypaw. His daughters snuggled into his fur, Bumbleskip purred, wanting to be no place else than right here. 
     In that moment, Bumbleskip understood why his mother found it so rewarding to take care of kits and watch them grow. He vowed then to never let his kits be lonely. He would love them fiercely, and always stand by them. They would never feel the way he did staring at his mother across camp. She loved him yes, but she had other priorities. He was grown, no longer one of them.

    Moons past by, Bumbleskip found new comfort in Redspark. The she-cat had come to him unexpectedly. A light in the darkness that had shrouded him after Brightflame had succumbed to illness. She had been just what he needed, a bright shining soul full of love. Soon, she was expecting his kits. A surprise to his mother, who had not been paying much mind to what her son had been up to recently. Bumbleskip couldn’t have been more proud. Vinemask, Lightcloud, Pinestep and Cherryvine newly named warriors and new kits on the way. He split his time between Redspark and the newest editions to his family and his older kits. He was often tired yes, but he would do anything for them. 
    Bumbleskip padded into the nursery, leaning down to nuzzle Redspark. He smiled looking down at the three kits settled at her belly, ready to play at the sight of their father. “How are you my dear?” he mewed warmly, settling down beside them. He quickly began to move his tail around for the kits to play with. Mosskit and Vixenkit immediately chased after it while Hazelkit sat quietly next to her mother, looking sleepy.
    “I’m fine, they’re getting along well with the other kits in the nursery.” Redspark replied, pride evident in her voice.
Bumbleskip purred, pressing against her. He jumped as Vixenkit caught his tail, grasping it with both of her paws and nipping it playfully. “My precious daughter, you’re going to be a fierce warrior aren’t you?” he exclaimed, trying to free his tail from her.
    Vixenkit didn’t let go, her tiny claws sinking into his fur. “The best warrior Shadowclan has ever seen!” she declared, looking at her father with bright eyes.
    “I don’t doubt it for a minute, little one.” He replied, looking from his daughter to his mate, his heart swelling with love. He had been lost in the moons after Brightflame’s passing, but Redspark had found him and led him back.


       Bumbleskip was starting to think that Starclan had a vendetta against him. Just when he thought he was whole again, mended by his new love in Redspark and their kits, filled in by his strong relationship with his first litter, his world crashed around him once more. Bumbleskip lost a piece of himself each time as he watched his mother, his aunt, Vinemask, Lightcloud, Pinestep and Oceanstorm join Brightflame, Snakestripe and Acornkit in Starclan. Softmist had withered away, once again giving herself away to the clan as she starved herself to death so that others could eat. Not even giving Bumbleskip a chance to say goodbye. Vinemask, Lightcloud, and Pinestep all fell as the clan was swept by sickness, adding to the list of the cats who had been taken. Their consecutive deaths took the most out of him. He had stared at the stars that night that Pinestep had passed, the last of the three. Pleading for Brightflame not to take Cherryvine away from him, their only kit left. He was starting to look at his daughter with fear. If she joined the ranks of Starclan the tom would have nothing left of his love of Brightflame. Bumbleskip perhaps understood why Softmist may have distanced herself from him. It hurt too much. Yet he stayed close to Cherryvine. He would not make the same mistakes as his mother. He would not leave Cherryvine to feel like he no longer cared for her. She was his world, along with Vixenpaw, Mosspaw and Hazelpaw.
    His heart had broken once again when his own daughter had come back to camp covered in snow, dragging the lifeless body of Oceanstorm behind her. His adoptive sister was gone. He could feel the edges of that darkness approaching again, only held at bay by the look of his daughter’s destroyed from paws from digging his sister out of the snow. Blood stained the ground where she walked; she had done her best, and he loved her for it.
“I couldn’t save her. I’m sorry father... It happened so fast!” the apprentice had mewed quietly, pressing against him as she shook.
Bumbleskip nodded numbly, his eyes glazed as he stared at Oceanstorm’s body, the clan gathered around them in the vigil. “You did all you could little one. You couldn’t have predicted this would happen and you did your best. You were brave digging her out all by yourself.” he murmured, trying to keep the sorrow from his tone as he comforted his daughter. She didn’t deserve this. Oceanstorm didn’t deserve this. They were better than him. It should have been him under the branch in the snow. Hazelpaw was a brilliant light with so much ahead of her. Oceanstorm was a respected warrior, always ready to jump in when a cat needed help. He was just Bumbleskip.
    Cherryvine, Mosspaw, Vixenpaw and Redspark laid beside him as they mourned. His family seemed to be shrinking by the season. He gazed up at the stars, hoping Oceanstorm was twinkling bright in the black of the sky. She deserved it more than anyone. Bumbleskip had been jealous of Oceanstorm when their mother had been alive. The she-cats had always been close, an unbreakable mother-daughter bond regardless of blood relation. Oceanstorm was like a magnet. She pulled everyone in with her bright bubbly personality and sharp wit.
     What did Bumbleskip have to offer? He was quiet, sat back and did what he was told. Perhaps it was his fault in the end, maybe he should have tried harder to be closer to his mother. He was sure Softmist would have been delighted to spend more time with him. She was always in the nursery, he could have visited her anytime he wanted. It was too late for these thoughts now, Softmist had been gone for moons.

        I couldn't move. Everything in me felt like the coldest of leafbare, like ice had encased me like it encases the trees. What's more is that I couldn't feel anything. All I felt was numb. A horror so sharp and so sudden that I was left with nothing. I couldn't move. I couldn't feel. This couldn't be happening. Haven't I paid enough? 

        The scorching heat that blazed through my clan's territory was gone now. That savage fire turned everything in its path to ash and soot. Even the pine trees were blackened to char and we feared they wouldn't recover. Twenty-one cats lost their life to that fire. Two of them were my daughter's kits. Another one was my other daughter's mate. I should be strong for them. I should be a shoulder they could cry on, but how can you be anything when you're frozen in place? How could you be there for others when your whole world was taken from you? Out of the twenty-one cats who died. My rock, my mate, was one of them, and I'll never see her again. 

        You might have heard of me. My name is Cliffheart. I'm a warrior of ShadowClan, but I haven't always been. I was born in SkyClan and I was devote to the Dark Forest when I was younger. I did vile and unforgivable acts for them. StarClan can't accept me because of my own sins and when the Dark Forest went after my kits, I took my daughters crimes upon myself to spare her. I died, you know. I died in my daughter's place and was condemned to walk eternally in the Dark Forest, but it was Northstar who saved me. She and my other clanmates came after me and Northstar gave up one of her lives so that I could live just a little longer. For as long as I have been in ShadowClan, I have tried to be an honorable warrior, a warrior others could look up too. However, my crimes are too great for me to be accepted into StarClan. They abandoned me when I died before, so they'll do it again. I was at peace with it. I didn't care, because I knew where my loved ones would end up. If my kits and mate got to go to StarClan at the cost of my soul, then I will happily pay the cost every time. Yet, I didn't think StarClan would take Owlshadow away from me so soon. 

        It was my kits who told me. I returned with Cardinalblaze from SkyClan, we had just aided them in escaping the fire. I tried looking for Owlshadow when I returned, but my kits gathered around me. They told me of my mate's fate and I could not believe them. Owlshadow and I split up when the fire swept through the Clan. She went to clear out the apprentice den while I aided the queens and kits to safety. They say the den had collapsed on her. She burned alive under brambles and smoke. I got angry and I actually snapped at my kits. How could StarClan be so cruel?! They took my beloved away from me without even allowing me to say goodbye! 

        I couldn't accept it. Denial numbed my head, I couldn't think straight. All I could think of was what I had to do. I had to report to Cedarstar about what happened in SkyClan. So, I did that. I blindly did my job as a warrior only to hear that Cedarstar had been with Owlshadow when she died. He tried to save her, but he failed. I trained Cedarstar into a warrior. I know how his doubt and guilt can grip his heart like a mouse stuck in a cat's claws. I think...I think I tried to reassure him, but I don't remember what I said. I do remember my heart breaking and now it lays in shattered pieces in this den. 

        The warriors den has never felt so cold. I'm supposed to rest from my journey to and from SkyClan, but I feel like I am in a foreign land. This is my nest, in the center of the den, but the one closest to mine lays empty. I'm too scared to close my eyes. I can't stop staring at her empty nest. I can't believe she's never coming back! Owlshadow was my heart and my comfort. I never feared the night when she was beside me. Her sweet scent would still the Darkness from my dreams. Her warm pelt would ease my troubles. She was my rock and I was her strength. I protected her and my story sharpened her faith, but I had chosen to part from her in the flames. If I had been with her, perhaps I would've died instead? Then I wouldn't have to live without her. 

        I can feel my exhaustion weighing on me. Before the fire had hit, I had been on a dawn patrol, so over a day has gone by since I've been able to rest. Every second I lay in this nest, my eyes grow heavier like the Great Rock itself was sitting on them. But, I fear the darkness in my dreams. Their whispers have seemed louder ever since I learned of Owlshadow's death. As numb as I feel, I still remember how it felt when I killed cats for the Dark Forest. What is the point of putting all this effort into being a good warrior if my soul is condemned anyway? Why should I continue to try when StarClan will have no mercy on me or my family? They've taken Songbreeze's kits and Hiddendream's mate and the cat I have loved with every fiber of my soul without allowing me the closure of saying goodbye. Why should I follow StarClan's narrow path anymore? Why shouldn't I just give into my dark desires? Find a victim to feel their warm blood running through my claws. I remember taking a life tasted so sweet.

        Owlshadow wouldn't want me to throw my hard work away. I've come so far and there's still our kits to worry about. If I can please StarClan, then they'll take my kits into their boundless hunting grounds. Songbreeze will get to see her kits. Hiddendream will be with her mate again. Owlshadow will be waiting for them and they'll all be together. My family would be at peace and have no fear in StarClan and I will be alone. 

        Robinstar and Adderstar swore vengeance on me when Northstar saved me from the Dark Forest. I know they wait for me to die so they could torture me for all eternity. I had never been so scared than when I died and I don't want to go back to that fear. If I give into the Darkness, I might be spared from Robinstar's and Adderstar's torture, but then I would be wasting the life that Northstar gave me. She gave me a second chance and I should seize it, but...it was Owlshadow who saw me through the Darkness. Without her, I am lost, blind, and numb. 

        I feel the shadows close in on me the heavier my eyes grow. The Dark Forest calls to me and it has never sounded so sweet. I try to think of Owlshadow. I try to imagine her right beside me that maybe I could fend off the Darkness. Her nest remains empty, though, and the den remains cold. After I left the Darkness, I had endured the deaths of my loved ones, banishment from my birth Clan, life or death nightmares, the Dark Battle against AdderClan. I've seen my clanmates perish in disasters, my daughter slipping away to Darkness. I've died and been tortured in the Dark Forest. Northstar resurrected me only for me to watch her age take her to the stars. Fire has killed twenty-one of my clanmates and shaken my own kits' faith and now my dear mate has been taken from me and I never got to tell her that even though we'll part at death, I will still be loving her all through eternity. So much I have endured. There has been so much that StarClan has done to me to make me pay for my sins. I often wonder if I have paid enough. Yet, I see now, that the cost of my Darkness is more than I could ever give. What more will StarClan take from me? What more could I do to show my bottomless guilt? And, is it even worth fending off the Darkness anymore? 

        I suppose I'll find out when I close my eyes.

I gotta post here again soon lol

Hmmmm...What story should I write next??))

Not sure. Guess I'm waiting for another big plot point to hit. Part of me is thinking about writing something about Spiritstar since we need to be killing her off. If I write something about her, that might help me rp her better?

Eclipsesky barely remembered the time before he began training to be a medicine cat. His whole life revolved around serving his clan. Berrywatcher had taken him on as an apprentice out of desperation before he had even reached 6 moons of age. Eclipsekit, little 5 moon-old Eclipsekit began his training as the threat of Adderclan had roamed the forest and Berrywatcher could never guarantee who would make it to see the next sunrise. The only home he had known was the temporary camp they had set up in highstones, the little tom barely knew what rabbit tasted like. Berrywatcher was gentle and patient with him, while Lavendersun encouraged him from the sidelines.

As he grew he became Eclipsepaw. He learned everything Berrywatcher knew, absorbing all of his teachings. Scarstar’s health had begun failing her, Berrywatcher barely slept. “Eclipsepaw, I trust you to tend to the battle wounds while I go and give Scarstar her herbs.” Berrywatcher mewed firmly, his mentor’s dedication to their leader had always left him in awe.

Eclipsepaw nodded dutifully, moving with his bundle of cobwebs and herbs to tend to Blacktail’s leg wound, Rabbitdash’s shoulder injury, and Fallowmeadow’s wrenched paw. He moved through the throng of injured cats with efficiency and grace, a sense of pride in his talents moving through him. He was good at this, he would save his clanmates.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Eclipsepaw followed Berrywatcher down the highstones tunnel, a quiet sense of accomplishment simmering under his pelt. He knew he was going to earn his full name tonight. Settling beside the medicine cats from the other clans, he turned to look at Berrywatcher who had cleared his throat.

“Tonight, Eclipsepaw will be earning his full medicine cat name. He has shown immense dedication towards his clanmates and the skill of being a healer since he was a kit. I, Berrywatcher, medicine cat of Windclan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. He has trained hard to understand the ways of a medicine cat, and with your help, he will serve his clan for many moons. Eclipsepaw, do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between clan and clan, and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?”

Eclipsepaw gave a sharp nod, eyes piercing back into Berrywatcher’s, “I do.” he responded, wondering if Berrywatcher was still proud of him. In the moons directly preceding and following Scarstar’s death, Eclipsepaw sometimes felt that he didn’t even have a mentor anymore. The clan had started coming to him with all their medicine cat needs, Berrywatcher a motionless lump in the background.

His mentor let out a small grunt of acknowledgment and dipped his head towards Eclipsepaw but never met his eye, “Then by the powers of Starclan, I give you your true name as a medicine cat. Eclipsepaw, from this moment you will be known as Eclipsesky. Starclan honors you for your continued dedication and loyalty. We welcome you as a full medicine cat of Windclan.”

Eclipsesky licked Berrywatcher’s shoulder as the chants of his new name rang out through the chamber. As they settled down with their noses pressed against the stone, he wondered if Berrywatcher would ever be the same.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Eclipsesky hurried into camp after the gathering, pushing his way through the crowd of his clanmates. He had to go check on Sparrowwing. The tom was laid out, eyes closed in the nest Eclipsesky had left him in. The medicine cat held his breath as he placed a paw on the warrior’s chest to feel for breathing. Eclipsesky stood, statue still as he realized his paw was not moving up and down as it should have been. He hung his head in defeat, “No, no no. Starclan why? I’m so sorry Sparrowwing. Berrywatcher, I’ve failed you.” His mourning was short-lived as a new voice cut through the silence.

“What’s going on in here?” Swiftstar asked, eyes immediately going towards Sparrowwing’s nest.

Eclipsesky turned towards the leader stiffly, “Sparrowwing’s gone. I’m sorry Swiftstar.”

Swiftstar looked at Sparrowwing and sighed. "Eclipsesky there was nothing you could do....the storm destroyed all the herbs...you did everything you could...."

Eclipsesky nodded, unable to say another word. He grabbed Sparrowwing’s scruff gently and began pulling him towards the medicine cat entrance for his vigil. Berrywatcher would have been able to save him. He thought with every step towards the middle of the camp. It should have been me who died in the wind vortex.

As he placed Sparrowwing’s body down carefully, he listened to Swiftstar’s call for a clan meeting, "Sparrowwing has died from his greencough...Eclipsesky did all he could, but since the storm destroyed most of his herb store, it wasn't enough. The clan will mourn him tonight." Swiftstar spoke somberly before leaping off of the rock and padding over to the warrior's body. Eclipsesky scoffed quietly, heading back to hide in his den, I didn’t do everything I could, I didn’t save him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thank you Swiftstar.” Eclipsesky mewed with a dip of his head, exiting the leader’s den. He blinked in confusion as he saw Stormfury talking to Dawntail, as far as Eclipsesky knew, Stormfury didn’t talk to anyone voluntarily except for him. Eclipsesky felt a pang of jealousy as he headed back into his own den. He knew it was unfair for him to be jealous of another cat in the clan, but Stormfury was his only friend.

Eclipsesky wasn’t sure when Stormfury had fallen into his life, he supposed the other tom had always just been there falling into an easy friendship with the medicine cat. They were just two misfits facing the rest of the clan. Stormfury told him all his secrets, his hatred towards his father in Shadowclan, and the jealousy he felt towards his siblings for fitting in better. Eclipsesky knew it all, and based on what little information he had on love, he knew he harbored feelings towards the other tom.

It was a few days later, at the gathering when Eclipsesky noticed Stormfury starting to panic. He excused himself from the other medicine cats and ran towards him "Stormfury.. what's wrong." the small tom mewed, his voice full of concern.

"She knows." Stormfury gasped. "She knows, she knows, she knows. She HAS to know...and if she knows they'll all know. And then what will happen to me? I can't go to ShadowClan. I can't. I won't." Stormfury turned and looked at his friend, a wild desperation in his eyes. "Don't make me go to ShadowClan."

Eclipsesky tried to get Stormfury to stop pacing, placing his tail on the other tom’s shoulder, "Stormfury.. deep breaths.. who knows? You're not going to go to Shadowclan.. don't worry. I won't let that happen." he mewed softly. His mind was racing, he had to focus. Stormfury needed to calm down fast before some other cat started to notice.

Stormfury's gaze shot towards Dawntail. It was a cold, ruthless gaze, "Dawntail. She knows." He began to breathe more steadily but began to shake in anger instead. He snapped his gaze over to Sagefoot, Swallowfeather, and Cloudscar. "Look at him. He just can't mind his own business, can he? Why can't he just leave us all alone?"

Eclipsesky was nervous, afraid that other cats could be listening, "Stormfury, if you don't quiet down, EVERYONE is going to know." he placed a paw on his friend's chest, listening to his breathing "Your heart is beating so fast, you need to take some deep breaths."

Stormfury glanced back at Eclipsesky, anger present in his eyes that had never been directed at the medicine cat before. "I can't...I can't take deep breaths. I want to see you try and take deep breaths when you might get kicked out of your clan."

Eclipsesky’s anxiety was quickly rising, taking a deep breath he steadied himself, he tried to come up with a logical response, "Stormfury, I'm not going to let that happen. I'm the medicine cat of the clan. Swiftstar's closest advisor... He will listen to what I have to say."

Relief flooded through him as Stormfury finally took in a deep breath and sat down, “Are you sure?” the warrior questioned quietly, looking very much unsure.

Eclipsesky nodded, more sincere than he had ever been before. “I promise. I will do everything in my power to make sure you and your siblings are safe. I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” In a moment of courage, he touched his nose to Stormfury’s cheek.

Stormfury nodded silently, Eclipsesky noticed belatedly that he hadn’t pulled away from him. "I...I don't know if I can stay here, there are too many cats. It’s too much."

Eclipsesky glanced around at the other clans, glad to see that no one was paying them any mind, "I can tell everyone you're sick and escort you back to camp if you'd like... No one would question it."

Stormfury shook his head, taking a step away from Eclipsesky, “Y-you can’t leave. It’s fine. I’ll find my way back myself” he replied with a half smile, before turning around and padding away shakily.

Eclipsesky felt uncharacteristic anger flow through him as he chased after Stormfury, "As you medicine cat I demand that I come with you." he mewed sternly. He had finally calmed him down, he wasn’t just going to let him go off and spiral somewhere else alone.

Stormfury suddenly turned around, looking at Eclipsesky with such a sense of hatred that the medicine cat visibly recoiled, “Just leave me alone! I can handle it!” he snapped. He turned around at once and vanished into the undergrowth leaving Eclipsesky behind reeling.

Eclipsesky watched in shock as his shadow disappeared, he took a moment to recollect himself before returning to the circle of medicine cats defeated. Stormfury, I can’t lose you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eclipsesky bolted out of the medicine cat den with Dawnpaw at his heels as a commotion broke out around the camp. He frowned as he noticed Swiftstar carrying a limp Fernpaw with Birchstep carrying Dustpaw behind. Trying to stay calm, he headed back into his den, motioning for the leader and tunneler to place the apprentices in the nests against the wall. "Alright Dawnpaw, this is your first real test of how to use your herbs correctly. Don't worry though, I'll be here to help every step. We need to clear their throats of dirt and debris. Grab some coltsfoot and chew it into a pulp, then add some honey if we have any.”

The medicine cat leaned down, opening Dustpaw’s mouth and clearing it of dirt as Dawnpaw worked beside him. He tried to ignore Swiftstar and Fallowmeadow standing back and watching anxiously as he worked on their son. “Did all the tunnelers get out alright?” He heard Fallowmeadow ask tightly.

“I don’t know, Sagefoot went back to dig out Lavendersun, but the ground shook after. I can’t say for sure, but I don’t think she made it out.” Swiftstar replied quietly.

Dustpaw coughed suddenly as Eclipsesky worked on clearing the apprentice’s throat. He gagged and sputtered as he began breathing again. Eclipsesky froze at Swiftstar’s whisper, "My mother.. she's still in the tunnels." he mewed, suddenly terrified. He shook his head. Focus on the cats in front of you. He pressed lightly on the Fernpaw’s chest to try and get her to cough up the remaining dirt. "Come on, you can do it Fernpaw." he coaxed. He glanced back over at Dawnpaw, "try and get Dustpaw to swallow the herbs since he already coughed up the dirt."

Dawnpaw nodded, following his instructions carefully. Eclipsesky suddenly felt a pang of longing for Berrywatcher, missing his own mentor as he watched his apprentice work carefully on her clanmates.

Eclipsesky relaxed more as both apprentices started to breathe more normally. "Fernpaw eat these, they'll help," he murmured, placing the pulp near her mouth for her to eat. He placed a couple of poppy seeds in the pulp to help with the pain. Eclipsesky nodded as Fernpaw and Dustpaw diligently ate the herbs and poppy seeds. "Keep coughing to clear your lungs. You'll both be perfectly okay." he soothed.

Now that the apprentices were out of immediate danger, his mind kept moving to the thought of his mother. Was she okay? Hurrying out of the medicine cat den, he gazed around the camp. He couldn’t help the pitiful wail that left him as he saw his mother’s body lying in the middle of the camp, her legs sticking out at an unnatural angle. The small tom moved to press his face against her shoulder, her fur was quickly growing cold. “Starclan, why? Why do you take everything from me?”

He barely listened as the clan broke out in arguments around him, “The tunnels should be closed for good!” a voice rang out above the crowd, “That’s insane! The tunnels are part of Windclan’s history! They’re how we keep fed.” another called out. Swiftstar was snarling at his own clan on top of the tall rock. Yet, Eclipsesky couldn’t seem to care. His mother had loved the tunnels, yet they had taken her from him. He closed his eyes, pressing his face further into her fur, and drowned out the chaos.

~~~~~~

Eclipsesky was tending to Fernpaw when he heard a huff behind him, he jumped as he spotted Stormfury settling down on the other side of the den. “Hello Stormfury.” he greeted quietly. He frowned when Stormfury didn’t reply and simply looked down at his paws. Satisfied that Fernpaw was fine, he trotted over to the other tom and settled down beside him, “Something bothering you?”

Stormfury sighed, refusing to look at Eclipsesky. "It's the tunnelers. Ever since Swiftstar took their side they've been acting like Starclans gift to the clans. They almost killed these two. It's not like any of the other clans use tunnels and they get along just fine. And now Swiftstar wants us moor runners to go running through the tunnels like rabbits."

Eclipsesky frowned, for once not feeling very sympathetic towards Stormfury, hurt from Lavendersun’s death still fresh in his mind, "My mother loved those tunnels. She might have been killed in them, but she believed in them. As a medicine cat, I don’t really belong on either side, but I refuse to turn my back on Lavendersun’s history.”

Stormfury scoffed. "You too? No one else has tunnels and we lose warriors for no reason. WindClan can learn to live without tunnels. What's Swiftstar supposed to say when he has to announce that Lavendersun is dead? That she was killed in a battle? A hunting incident? That just makes look like we got killed by a bunch of rabbits."

Eclipsesky flattened his ears, glaring at the other tom. Of course, Stormfury would turn on me now. “She will be praised as a hero for saving apprentices from danger. That’s what Swiftstar will say. Now if you excuse me, I have clanmates to take care of. Please get out of my den.”

Stormfury let out a growl, but got to his paws quickly and stormed out of the den, leaving Eclipsesky to stew in his anger.

~~~~~~~~

Eclipsesky awoke to the sound of Swiftstar calling a meeting, struggling to his feet he exited the den and settled down by the entrance, glancing curiously at the leader.

Swiftstar gazed across the crowd, eyes seeming to linger on Eclipsesky for a moment before continuing on, "Something serious has happened. Meadowbrook was attacked, and she claims that Stormfury is the one who attacked her. Birchstep, Beetleclaw, and I went out to where the attack happened and found Stormfury covered in blood, with Meadowbrook's scent on the ground. I want to hear what happened from both cats before I decide what to do next."

Eclipsesky felt his heart drop, pounding filling his ears. Stormfury would never attack another clanmate. Meadowbrook must be lying. He looked to Stormfury desperately, but the tom was looking towards Swallowfeather. Eclipsesky dropped his gaze, he had promised to protect Stormfury, and make sure he wasn’t kicked out of the clan, and yet here he was seemingly on trial in front of everyone. The tom forced himself to listen to Meadowbrook’s side of the story, flinching as she revealed she had called Stormfury a “half-breed’.

Eclipsesky’s eyes returned to Stormfury as he stood to make his case, "You know as well as I do that running is a part of moor runner training. I told her to run to outlook rock and she couldn't do it. I told her that if she wasn't a tunneler maybe she'd be able to run further, which isn't wrong. Then she starts saying that I'm half clan..that I'll never amount to anything.....and....and I attacked her...She's up to something Swiftstar, I KNOW she is. There have been more rocks out on the moor, and she's always out of camp when they appear...she tried to force me to fight her...Swiftstar you have to believe me."

Swiftstar flicked his tail for Meadowbrook to be silent, then he took a moment of silence for himself and continued. "Stormfury. The clan is divided enough as it is right now, and it doesn't need to be split any further. By attacking Meadowbrook, you have shown the clan that your loyalty is not with us, whether we are moor runners or tunnelers. It is unfortunate that it has come to this, but I, Swiftstar, leader of WindClan, banish you from our camp, our territory. If you cannot be trusted to be alone with one of us, then you cannot be trusted to stay in our camp."

"You're BLIND Swiftstar, ALL of you are blind! She's planning something..I don't know what it is, but one day you'll see how wrong you are, and then you'll be sorry!" Stormfury hissed through his teeth, pelt bristling.

"ENOUGH!" Swiftstar yowled, golden eyes flashing. "You are to leave camp at once. Say your goodbyes and be on your way. If my warriors see you on our territory by sunset, they have all the right, and are encouraged to attack."

Eclipsesky sprang to his paws, already headed for Stormfury, but he stopped as he noticed Stormfury slowly making his way over to Swallowfeather instead. The words were still ringing in his ears, his world was falling out from beneath his paws. Banished. Stormfury, his only friend, his number one supporter, the love of his life. Banished from Windclan. He choked on his own wail, disappearing into the darkness of his den to wallow. Too much time had passed, and Stormfury never showed. Eclipsesky fell asleep as tears fell down his face. Stormfury didn’t even say goodbye.

~~~~~~~~

In the sunrises since Stormfury had been banished, Eclipsesky doesn’t think he slept more than a few moments at a time, his fur was ungroomed, his face gaunt with lack of sleep and little prey. He felt like a ghost, whispering around from one place to another stuck in a horrible loop as the words of banishment played over and over in his mind. Stormfury is gone. He didn’t even say goodbye. Stormfury attacked a clanmate. Stormfury didn’t love you.


Tonight, he would be forced to go to the gathering with the clan, he settled down to groom his pelt, supposing he had to look presentable. He didn’t want all the other medicine cats asking after him all night. As he was grooming his fur a thought crossed his mind, What if Stormfury is at the gathering tonight? New energy coursed through him at the idea, he had been praying to Starclan every night that Stormfury was safe somewhere, maybe tonight they would get to meet again.

He was thrown out of his thoughts by a new voice entering his den, he looked up in surprise as Silverspirit appeared in front of him holding a rabbit, “Here you haven’t been eating much lately.” she mewed simply, before settling down beside him.

Eclipsesky looked at her like she had grown a second head, he had never really talked to the she-cat before, but he supposed as Stormfury’s sister maybe she wanted to commiserate together, “Oh, um thank you Silverspirit.” he murmured, his voice raspy with misuse.

“He’s okay you know.” Silverspirit started, staring intently at him as he took a bit of the rabbit. “Stormfury I mean....you and I both know that he wouldn't let something like this get in his way."

He nodded slowly, “I know, he’s a strong cat. He can make it out of anything, but he belongs here in Windclan. With us, with me. He was all I had left. I just… I miss him.”

Silverspirit nudged him, “No one could relate to him like you could. Stormfury actually liked you. You’re probably the only one.” she replied, letting out a small purr.

Eclipsesky frowned unable to share Silverspirit’s sentiment. Conflicted feelings twisted his stomach and made him nauseous. He had never really made up with Stomfury after their fight before he was banished. Did Stormfury even like him anymore? He had technically taken the tunnelers' side. He shook his head, taking a deep breath, “Stormfury loved you and your other littermates too. He may not have shown it very often, but he did. He at least told me that much. He loved your mother dearly as well.”

Silverspirit looked down at her paws, ears flicking with thought, “Maybe, but I think he resented us as well.”

Eclipsesky sighed, unable to deny it “He only resented you because he was jealous. You three fit here in the clan so well, and he doesn’t. He.. didn’t.”

Silverspirit let out a humorless laugh, “You’re right. He was the most Shadowclan-blooded out of the three of us.

Eclipsesky turned to look at her, taking in her face for the first time. He noticed immediately that Silverspirit and Stormfury had the same eyes. “Fate is sometimes cruel like that.”

Silverspirit merely nodded, leaning down to take a bit of rabbit for herself. Eclipsesky content with the easy silence overtaking them, he said nothing as they finished their meal. Maybe Silverspirit wasn’t so bad after all.

~~~~~~~

Eclipsesky followed the patrol into fourtrees, keeping close to Dawnpaw. His eyes searched the crowd and to his surprise there was Stormfury. With a she-cat pressed against him? He let out a humorless chuckle, eyes now trained at his feet. He got what he wanted, Stormfury was safe. He obviously doesn’t need me anymore.

Yet, he couldn’t help himself, ignoring Spiderpaw’s question about Berrywatcher, the tom abandoned the medicine cats and made his way toward the Shadowclan crowd. Eclipsesky’s frown deepened when he noticed Stormfury looked like he was trying to hide, the she-cat beside him seemed to be comforting him. He was surprised when Stormfury turned around and padded towards him, the she-cat at his side. “H-hey” Stormfury stuttered a nervousness about him that Eclipsesky had never seen before. “Long time no see.”

Eclipsesky stood frozen for a minute, eyes just moving back and forth between Stormfury and the she-cat that was now pressed against his side even more, "Stormfury, it really is you... I thought I was making it up. A-are you okay?"

Stormfury nodded. "Northstar took me in, I'm with ShadowClan now....funny how that turned out...isn't it." He let out an awkward chuckle "I miss you though."

Eclipsesky nodded with a small smile on his face, “I’m really glad you’re okay. I miss you too. It’s not the same in the den without you.”

The she-cat swished her tail back and forth, looking like almost regretted being present, “At least you can still see each other sometimes.” she added weakly.

Stormfury nodded absentmindedly, as Eclipsesky frowned at the she-cat. "Yeah....I suppose. Oh, Eclipsesky this is Cherryvine, my...my friend, she's helping me learn about ShadowClan"

Cherryvine dipped her head to the medicine cat, "Hi, I've heard a lot about you." she mewed rather cheerily.

Eclipsesky gave her a weak smile, "Hello. All good things I hope." he replied, shifting his gaze back to Stormfury, "How long have you been in Shadowclan."

Stormfury grimaced. "Since I left...I didn't know where else to go..." He looked at his friend pleadingly, " I didn't have much of a choice when Swiftstar banished me"

Their conversation was stopped as Northstar called to begin the gathering, Eclipsesky got to his paws, about to make his way back to the medicine cats when he felt a tail-tip on his shoulder, “Stay with me. Please. This is not going to be good.”

Unable to deny his request, he gave a small nod and settled in beside Stormfury, surrounded by the other members of Shadowclan. Cherryvine had settled down on the other side of Stormfury, looking almost as worried as the former Windclan warrior. They stood silently as Northstar announced the retirement of Falcontalon, the lives that had been taken by illness, the new kits, apprentices, and warriors. Eclipsesky held his breath as Northstar seemed to make eye contact with Stormfury, “Finally, Shadowclan has welcomed a rogue into our clan. Stormfury has joined as a warrior of Shadowclan!”

Eclipsesky felt himself shrink into his fur as Swiftstar placed a scathing gaze on him, the leader seemingly accusing Eclipsesky of unloyalty. He snorted, supposing he did look rather unloyal to his clan sitting within the throng of Shadowclan cats, directly next to the cat that Windclan had chased out.

Swiftstar stepped forward alongside Northstar, shooting her a glance out of the corner of his eye, then turning to glare down at Stormfury. "As I was going to mention in my report, Stormfury was banished from WindClan after attacking Meadowbrook unprompted on the moors. I don't know about you Northstar, but we don't tolerate traitors that attack our clanmates in WindClan. Had Meadowbrook not escaped into the tunnels, Stormfury most likely would have killed her. For that reason I banished him. It's good to know that ShadowClan rewards traitors and potential murderers."

Eclipsesky felt Stormfury bristle beside him, gingerly, he placed his tail on his friend's shoulders, noticing Cherryvine step closer to the new Shadowclan warrior in comfort as well.

Northstar twitched her whiskers. "Is that really what happened Swiftstar?" She tilted her head curiously. "WindClan is the one who rewarded a traitor. Stormfury was not the one who was attacked unprompted on your moors. You banished an innocent cat who was only defending himself. Meadowbrook attacked him, but you were so blinded by your own civil war and determined to prove you aren't biased to tunnelers or moor-runners that you rewarded a traitor and potential murderer within your own Clan." She sat down, curling her tail over her paws. "But what does it matter to you? Stormfury is no longer your problem."

Eclipsesky squeaked involuntarily as Swiftstar started to bristle, glancing over at Stormfury and Cherryvine, he noticed the she-cat looked like she was about to battle all of Windclan herself if she had to. Maybe she’s good for him. "And you know this how Northstar? Did he tell you? What makes you think you can trust a word out of his mouth? After all, his running straight to ShadowClan looks a little planned if you ask me. Like he planned to attack Meadowbrook and escape because he knew you wouldn't turn him down. It's unfortunate that ShadowClan is that desperate for warriors because the Northstar I know would never accept a traitor" Swiftstar spit out.

Northstar bared her teeth. "He came to ShadowClan because ShadowClan runs through his veins and the Northstar you know will not turn away one of her own!" She shook her head, calming down. "Every Clan says terrible things about ShadowClan. We're a clan of thieves, liars, and murderers." She looked at Swiftstar. "So, since I come from a clan of liars, I know when a cat is lying to me. Stormfury was not."

Eclipsesky shook his head, unable to listen to the fighting anymore. He was a medicine cat, he was supposed to be neutral and help any clan cat in need. How did he end up in the middle of this mess? He felt his heart break again and again as he heard Stormfury turn to Cherryvine and brush against her, "I had kept some hope that maybe he would come and ask me to come back one day...." he murmured "But that's gone.."
Stormfury turned to him next, eyes full of sorrow “I’m sorry you have to see this, I didn’t think Swiftstar would be… quite like this.”

Eclipsesky straightened up shaking his head slowly. His eyes hardened with determination and love for the other tom, "I've always been on your side, Silverspirit too. We're friends now, me and her."

Stormfury fixed a curious gaze on him, “Really? I would have never guessed that. Well, I’m glad you have someone.” he said, almost sounding jealous.

Eclipsesky gave a curt nod, he needed to get over Stormfury, the other tom had Cherryvine now, and he shouldn’t have ever found himself in love anyway. He was a medicine cat! "She's a big help,” he responded weakly, wishing the silver she-cat was standing beside him now. He sighed, turning back to listen to the rest of the leader’s reports. It’s time to let go Eclipsesky. He’s safe and happy. That’s all that matters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Silverspirit padded into the medicine cat's den to see Eclipsesky sorting herbs. She held a small rabbit in her mouth, which she dropped on the den floor. "Well you look chipper this morning," she said sounding rather pleased. It had been moons since that first gathering, and Eclipsesky had let go of Stormfury. Of course, they were still friends, they spoke at the gatherings often. Cherryvine was now expecting Stormfury’s kits. Eclipsesky couldn’t even find it in himself to be upset about the news. Instead, he found he was happy for them.

"Oh, hi Silverspirit! And yeah... I guess I just woke up on the right side of the nest this morning, that's all. How are you feeling today?" he mewed, setting down the herbs he had been going through and turning to keep his attention on the she-cat.

Silverspirit purred, moving to settle down beside him. "I'm doing alright, just thought I would stop by and see if you had eaten yet today." She gestured to the rabbit with her tail.

Eclipsesky blinked, replaying his morning in his mind. “I guess I haven’t eaten yet. I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. Is the clan busy today? The rabbits are starting to come back?” He asked amicably, knowing now that the weather was starting to get warm again the prey should start returning.

Silverspirit nodded enthusiastically before taking a bite of the rabbit, “Yes, there’s been more prey out there today than I saw all of leafbare. I’m sure your herbs will be growing back nicely as well. Maybe I can come with you to gather some?”

Eclipsesky blinked, nodding slowly. No one had ever gone herb collecting with him besides Berrywatcher when he was an apprentice, and now Dawnshadow. “Oh sure, it’s always nice to have an extra set of paws. I can teach you the basics. You don’t really need to know the hard stuff if I’m with you.”

Silverspirit giggled, a strange tension built up in Eclipsesky’s stomach at the sound. He flicked his ear in confusion, he hadn’t felt like this since Stormfury… “Well that's a relief." she mewed. "I would hate to bring back the wrong thing and kill us all."

Shaking away the feeling, Eclipsesky let out a snort, "No offense but I would never use any herbs you brought back unless I inspected them first. You have zero training in medicine cat skills.”

Silverspirit looked at the medicine cat in mock offense. "Well that's what I get for trying to be helpful!" she said, flicking her tail back and forth.

Eclipsesky turned to look at Silverspirit, a playful smile on his face, "I don't think you started as a medicine cat at 5 moons old during the reign of Adderclan, did you?"

Silverspirit sighed, flicking him in the ear with her tail, “I guess you have a point.” she mewed dramatically.

Eclipsesky nudged against Silverspirit, emboldened by their playful banter, "It's okay, I'm the only medicine cat with that experience, it's not a requirement. In case you know, you wanted to kick Dawnshadow out and become my apprentice."

Silverspirit opened her mouth to reply, but her words seemed to get caught in her throat as she scented the air, “Stormfury?” she whispered.

Both of them seemed to rush to their paws at once, exiting the den and abandoning the half-eaten rabbit. What was he doing here? He locked eyes with the familiar grey tom, blinking in confusion when he spotted two Shadowclan cats behind him. One of the Shadowclan warriors turned to face him, talking urgently “Eclipsesky, where is Swiftstar?”

Eclipsesky was unable to answer as Stormfury broke into a smile, warmth filling his eyes as he looked at the medicine cat. He was glad when Blacktail stepped up to talk to the patrol instead. Those old familiar feelings were threatening to bubble up again but he squashed them down hard. You’re over him. We’ve moved on.

He was ripped out of his own thoughts at the words that sliced through the silence like a knife, "Sorry for intruding Blacktail, we came to warn you. The twolegs started a fire and it's quickly spreading through every territory. I don't mean to sound harsh but I suggest you start evacuating your camp as soon as possible.” the spiky white warrior announced.

Eclipsesky turned at once, looking pleadingly at Silverspirit, “We need to save as many herbs as we can. If anyone gets burned we’re going to need all of them. Quickly. Dawnshadow! Grab help if you can!” he called, hoping his apprentice was nearby. Without another thought, he disappeared into his den, beginning to stack his herbs up in as many bundles as he could manage.

He grumbled as he passed Silverspirit a stack, “My store is finally somewhat full and the twolegs had to go set the forest on fire!” he mewed, his good mood from only a few moments ago vanishing quickly.

"Figures doesn't it," Silverspirit said, passing a bundle of herbs to Wolfstep. "Maybe someday we'll manage to do something that inconveniences them and puts their hard work at risk."

Eclipsesky sighed, glad that Silverspirit had stayed to help hand out the bundles to their clanmates. He passed one last bundle to Dustfire. “I think we’ve got as much as possible, let’s get out of here.”

Silverspirit and Dawnshadow trailed behind him as he led the way out of the den, to follow behind the rest of the patrol. Eclipsesky looked nervously at the slow-moving and heavily pregnant queens in front of them. He prayed to Starclan everyone would make it to highstones safely. Dawnshadow shouldered her way up to stand beside him, “Are you sure we got everything?” his apprentice mewed nervously, carefully talking around the bundle of herbs in her mouth.

Eclipsesky nodded firmly, trying to appear confident. “Yes, we got as much as we could. The safety of our clanmates comes first. We must accompany those who need the most help to highstones. The tom belatedly looked around, spotting Stormfury speaking with Sagefoot. His heart lurched when instead of joining the patrol, the grey tom instead sprinted in the opposite direction. Where is he going? Oh, stay safe please Stormfury.

In a whirlwind, they arrived at highstones camp, Eclipsesky was forced to momentarily forget about Stormfury and his clan being in danger as Heathersky began to kit the moment they arrived. Two small but healthy kits born into the chaos of the fire. Eclipsesky couldn’t help but laugh as he looked down at the kits suckling from Heathersky, he couldn’t believe his luck.

Eclipsesky nodded to the queen, "I'll be back to check on you in a little bit." he mewed before padding back to the outskirts of the camp. He glanced over to where he had seen Stormfury come back. He frowned as he saw the family close together, all looking rather solemn.

Wanting to give them some time, he headed back to where they had dumped the herbs in haste, moving to sort through them once more. He had only gotten through two stacks when the familiar scent of Stormfury seemed to linger behind him. Turning, he dipped his head in greeting. “Hello Stormfury.” he mewed calmly.

Stormfury purred as he gazed warmly at Eclipsesky. "I'm so thankful you got out alright. I would've never forgiven myself if I had gotten here too late and something had happened to you or...." he stopped, his face twisting into sorrow.

Eclipsesky flattened his ears at Stormfury's words "What's wrong?" he glanced back over where the tom had come from, counting his siblings. He gasped as he realized he had not seen Swallowfeather arrive at the camp. "Swallowfeather.. is she?"

Stormfury nodded, "I went out to find her on the moor but I got there too late...She's gone." the grief was evident in his voice, "Now Swiftstar has invited the ShadowClan patrol to stay here until the fire dies out...however long that is."

Eclipsesky’s eyes looked towards the stars, hoping his lost clanmates would greet him once again at the next moonstone. “I’m sorry Stormfury. You must be anxious being back here with all of us again. And with two of your clanmates as well.” The small tom was trying to restrain the mixed emotions that were flying through his head. He couldn’t get too excited that Stormfury was here. He wasn’t here to stay.

Stormfury nodded, glancing at the cats settling around them, "It is weird. But, so far no one has come for my pelt, so I think it'll be okay. Besides, I think Swiftstar might be alright with me staying here."

Eclipsesky's whiskers twitched at the tom's words "Don't say things like that Stormfury... you know you're not going to stay." he mewed somewhat bitterly. "You're a Shadowclan cat now."

Stormfury's ears flattened slightly at the medicine cat's words. "I know that, but forgive me if I was excited to be able to spend time with you again."

Eclipsesky knew he had hurt his feelings, but the anguish and anxiety surrounding them were palpable, “I'm excited to see you too Stormfury, I'm glad to see you well. But I can't take another heartbreak. I-I was finally starting to feel better again and now.. you're here in front of me again. Every time I think I’m finally getting over losing you, you somehow show up again and break my heart all over again."

Stormfury tensed, looking down at his paws, “I’m sure you’re very busy, I’ll let you get back to work.” he mumbled, giving Eclipsesky a longing look before turning away. He padded a few steps before stopping. His voice raised over his shoulder, “I’m sorry I was banished. I’m sorry that I left you alone here in the clan you grew up in. I’m sorry that my being here now is an inconvenience to you. I promise that it won’t be a problem in the future.”

A thorn seemed to be stabbing into the medicine cat’s heart with each word, he cursed internally, this isn’t what he wanted to happen at all. "W-wait Stormfury." he mewed, chasing after the much larger tom. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You're mother just died and I'm being a stubborn, stupid furball. I know you didn't leave because you wanted to. I just wish you could come back, and seeing you happy in Shadowclan is a reminder that you never will. Silverspirit has been a great friend to me while you've been gone, we've healed together. But, she can never replace you in my life. I'm sorry for being harsh, I just have so many emotions seeing you back here. My instincts told me to put my guard up in order not to get hurt again, but I hurt you in the process and that's the last thing I ever wanted to do..."

Stormfury didn’t turn back around, avoiding his gaze. "I'm glad Silverspirit has been there for you," he muttered. "It's alright," he said, realizing he had fallen silent for probably too long. "I'm sorry I hurt you too." He finished with a dip of his head. Then he padded away to go find his clanmates. Once again, leaving Eclipsesky behind.

Eclipsesky escaped back into the familiar cave he had once learned the basics of being a medicine cat. Eclipsesky looked up at the stars, wondering what Berrywatcher would think of his apprentice now. He’d probably be disappointed in me.

His sulking was interrupted by Silverspirit, the gray she-cat appearing at the mouth of the cave. “What happened?” she asked curiously, “You and Stormfury are both being great grumps right now.”

Eclipsesky shook his head, not wanting to relive the fight so soon, “I said something I shouldn’t have and upset him. I tried to block him out again so I wouldn’t get my heart shattered when he left again. But, I ended up just hurting both of us.”

Silverspirit frowned, settling down beside him, “You two used to be inseparable, I’m sure he’ll come around. I guess I never really noticed how deeply you must care for him.”

Needing comfort and feeling safe with her, he leaned against her side, his head resting on her shoulder, “Do you think he’ll forgive me? It doesn’t have to be now.. but eventually?”

Silverspirit smiled and gave the tom a comforting nudge. "Of course, he will. Stormfury's temper rolls in like a thunderstorm and clears up just as quickly. I wouldn't be surprised if he's already over it, he’s just too stubborn to come back here."

Eclipsesky gave her a small smile, “Thank you Silverspirit. You have no idea what your company has meant to me in these last few moons. I don’t think I could ever repay you.”

Silverspirit smiled back, her eyes seeming to be looking for something within his own. Eclipsesky narrowed his eyes, trying to figure out what was going through her head. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

The she-cat shook her head, looking like she had just been caught doing something she shouldn’t have, “Oh no reason. I just really like spending time with you that’s all.”

Eclipsesky felt his chest tighten, a thousand thoughts and worries flying through his head on where this conversation could be going. "I-I like spending time with you too Silverspirit," he replied tentatively. Silverspirit merely smiled back, before her gaze left him and moved to Stormfury sitting with the two Shadowclan warriors. Eclipsesky followed her gaze, shifting from paw to paw, “It’s weird seeing him happy with someone else isn’t it?” he asked, a tinge of jealousy souring his tone, “Sorry for changing the subject.”

Silverspirit nodded, Eclipesky was happy she didn’t seem upset about the sudden shift in conversation. "I know what you mean." she said with a sigh "He never seemed happy here...but it hurts more watching him do well in ShadowClan...like we weren't good enough. Or like we were the problem."

Eclipsesky flicked his tail, a new emotion rising within him, "Why weren't we enough Silverspirit? I know he didn't leave by his own choice but why was he so unhappy here?" the small tom lowered his gaze, regret replacing the bout of anger. "I should have been a better friend."

Silverspirit leaned over, touching her nose to his cheek, "We both know you were the best friend he's ever had Eclipsesky." she murmured. "Look at him. He has a ShadowClan build and a dark pelt. He was never meant to be here, no matter how much he tried to hate our father and ShadowClan...he never really could." She looked at the medicine cat "In all honesty, he probably would've left sooner if it weren't for you."

Eclipsesky felt his fur get hot at the gesture of affection, “I guess you’re right. But it still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I know it hurts you too. Maybe it was for the best. If he didn't leave, I don't think you and I would be as close as we are. Perhaps that's what's meant to be."

Silverspirit returned the medicine cat's gaze. "Maybe...I'm just thankful to have you....I...I wish..." she trailed off again, looking down.

Eclipsesky tilted his head, narrowing his eyes, "You wish what Silverspirit? What's wrong?" he asked, acting like he didn’t know where this conversation was headed.

Silverspirit shook her head and glanced away "I wish things were different" she whispered.

Eclipsesky’s face fell as he came to a conclusion, he was going to have to choose, wasn’t he? "You wish I wasn't a medicine cat."

The she-cat shook her head fiercely like she was trying to convince herself as much as she was him. "No...you do so much for the clan and the clan needs you. You're so good at what you do. I would never take that away from you."

Eclipsesky looked away from her, his heart heavy. He knew that what he felt for Silverspirit was probably more than just friendship, but being a medicine cat was his whole life. He's not sure he was willing to give that up for anyone. "I-..." the tom fell silent as he struggled to find words. "I'm sorry Silverspirit. I'm so.. confused right now. I don't know what to say."

Silverspirit nodded, her ears falling flat to her head "I know...I am too. I know you love being a medicine cat. I would never take that from you." she whispered.

Eclipsesky couldn’t help himself, he buried his face into her fur, taking in her scent. He let out a bitter chuckle. “Is Starclan out to get us Silverspirit? Is this some kind of test? I think I might love you, but I also love being a medicine cat. I owe this clan my life and I cannot give up my duties now. Especially after a fire has just ravaged our territory. It’s ironic that this is where we’re having this conversation. This is the cave where Berrywatcher showed me how to treat a wound for the first time.”

Silverspirit smiled sadly. "It sure feels like it, doesn't it?" she turned to face him, "StarClan doesn't have to know," she murmured. "I can't lose you Eclipsesky, and I can't lose what we have....so why does anyone have to know?"

Eclipsesky tilted his head in confusion, everything he knew going against the idea. "What do you mean Silverspirit? Starclan sees everything. I go speak with them every moon, do you know how disappointed Berrywatcher would be?"

Silverspirit shrugged. "Starclan was silent with my parents, why would they speak now?"

Eclipsesky wriggled nervously, his heart picking up speed at the mere idea of defying Starclan, "Your parents didn't have any contact with Starclan, I do."

Silverspirit huffed, getting to her feet. Eyes once again searching his, “Well think about it okay?”

Eclipsesky watched her leave the cave. He placed his head down on his paws and closed his eyes. He could see Berrywatcher looking at him, disappointment filling his old mentor’s eyes. Lavendersun was behind him shaking her head. I’m about to lose everything, aren’t I? Either I lose everything I’ve ever worked towards, or I lose Silverspirit. I need both. Why can’t I have both?

~~~~~

More moons passed, and the territory was recovering from the fire. Eclipsesky found himself suspended in time. Silverspirit didn’t talk to him much anymore, yet the feelings he had for her were still bubbling strong in his heart. They threatened to pour over every time he almost reached out for her. Gatherings passed, he knew Stormfury had kits now. Four, all healthy and strong. He should be happy for his friend. He was in some sense, but overall Eclipsesky just felt numb. He continued his medicine cat duties, he taught Dawnshadow more lessons. He helped Windclan heal. He just couldn’t seem to heal himself.

Eclipsesky knew one day he would fall prey to his own emotions and he and Silverspirit would get caught. He would either be cast out of the clan or he would have to step down as a medicine cat. Frequent dreams of failure and disappointment haunted him as he slept. Scarstar had believed in him, Berrywatcher had believed in him, Stormfury had believed in him. Silverspirit believes in him. He’s let them all down.

He still wondered some days how his feelings for Stormfury had somehow morphed into the same feelings for Silverspirit. Starclan must be playing a cruel joke on him, he knew Stormfury would have never returned his feelings so he never acted upon them. The heartbreak had been quick in that way. Of course, he had to fall for Silverspirit. Kind, caring Silverspirit who made him eat and wash his pelt. Who picked him up from the darkness and tried to lead him into the light. Only to lead him into another sort of darkness. He supposes it was fate, he was destined to fail from the beginning. The stars had made him a medicine cat, and now it was time for them to take it away.

That's really good, Willow!

(bump)

Bump!)