Post by TheOddThing on Aug 13, 2016 23:23:45 GMT -5
I did have an RP sort of based off of this. And I'm going to do some tuchups on the beginning. The vocabulary just is not so good. Tell me what you think! (Most italics are gone and there is some indentation issues in the copy!)
NOTE: This is a WIP but I still would like some thoughts on it! Please don't just hate on it because you feel like it. I'll just skip through all of that junk.
THE SAVAGES
The Tribes, Groups, Threats: Information and where they Live:
The tribe of Dripping Rain: Location- A lush pine forest with many mountains and near the coast. Often cold and foggy, it is moist and easy to find prey. Northern. Leader- Lightning. Can be easily provoked.
The “Others”: Location- Their camp is in a vast tunnel system underground, but they hunt everywhere because the tunnels have multiple entrances and exits. Leader- Phantom. Can be provoked, although tries to avoid fights.
Savages: Location- An oak forest but quickly expanding, they are strong and trained to fight. The “weeklings” are either cast out or killed. Mostly a mystery, their camp is believed to be in the heart of the woods. An eerie place with burnt, scarred, trees growing close to each other. They mostly stay hidden, but, now they have been taking over territories. Leader- Savage. Openly aggressive.
Prologue:
Lightning looked around the forest, the trees casting eerie shadows as day turned to night. The branches creaked as they rubbed against each other in the frigid, northern, wind. The leaves rustled and the ferns danced in the twilight, darkening as the sun sunk beyond the horizon.
Suddenly, he was overwhelmed by a presence. Not hostile, nor peaceful.
“Lightning” whispered a voice, seemingly all around him. “I bring news.”
“Where are you? Who are you?” Yelled Lightning, a growl building in his voice.
“Around you, the wind” It answered.
“I'm not playing games!” Snapped Lightning “Games are for kittens!” The hair along his spine was rising. Fear and frustration were now building inside of him.
“Neither am I.” The voice whispered, calm as ever “Now, listen, I have a prophecy... No, a message.”
“What? What is it? It better be about me.”
The voice ignored him. “You must accept your son, no matter how much you hate him. He will bring a new era, glory for your tribe and all of The ‘Others’ Don't let his unique skills make you jealous. Don't take any chance you have to throw him away. I know you will ignore me, you will be the cause of many deaths. But, I'm here against my leaders will to warn you, to guide you. Now, my time has run out, I must leave.”
“Who-no, what are “the others.” Growled Lightning.
“In time, you will find out. Now go and tell your tribe. Now.” Whispered the voice, now fading into the night. A sudden gust of wind whistled through the trees and the presence quickly diminished. It was now night, only the crescent moon and the stars provided light. Hurry, hurry, tell them, the branches seemed to whisper.
Lightning whipped around, only his whiskers guiding him through the darkness. A coyote howled in the distance, cut off by a volley of barking. Wolves. Lightning thought disdainfully they killed my mother, my sister, and brought misery to the tribe.The little bit of starlight allowed the massive trees—redwoods, to cast threatening shadows onto the forest floor.
A barrier of brambles and blackberry bushes blocked his path. A small, thin, trail cut through a small clearing of grass into a tight, thorny tunnel. Ahead, a rather large, dense clump of ferns lined the either side of the trail.
“Who approaches?” Said a deep voice through the darkness, slightly muffled by the ferns.
Lightning paused, hesitating. “Only the heir to the throne, Steelhead” he answered, allowing a hint of irritation to seep into his voice.
“Lightning, I'm sorry for bothering you with unimportant questions.” Mocked the voice. “But, you see, if there's a hostile kitty roaming around we need to show it that our little—camp… Is not for the taking and is very much occupied.
“Ste-”
“Oh, young Lightning. You know we gaurds can't show ourselves while on duty. You surely must have that much wisdom and brains.” Mocked the guard.
“Ugh” snorted Lightning as he padded through the camp tunnel. He waltzed through the camp and jumped onto the tree stump that his father and his war commanders used for announcements. Surprised about the lack of fear this caused, he decided to start giving out this… warning. “I bring news!” He shouted. All of the cats quickly hustled out of their dens, turned and watched from where they were eating, and drowsily stumbled across the clearing to watch.
“I was sleeping!” One hissed.
“What's the stubborn tom up to now?” Muttered another.
“Just listen” he muttered, searching the camp for his father's disapproving gaze. Surprised when he found it, it only healed curiosity. That makes things easier. When I was in the woods-” he started, telling the tribe what happened that crisp, cold, winter night.Word, for word.
Sure enough, years later, Lightnings son was born. He had his father's bushy, black fur and striking yellow-green eyes. He even had his mother's silvery stripes all over his body. But he was different. An electric tingle filled the air in his presence. He also had wings.
“How could a magnificent, normal, leader like me have a weird, freakish kitten like that?” He snarled, glaring at his son.
Lightnings mate, Hazel, stared at her mate in awe. “How can you say that?” She snarled “He's perfect, he's special.”
“Get that creature away!” Bellowed Lightning “He's not normal!”
“Then I'll raise him without you! Keep being a ‘leader’ without this ‘abnormal’ son! The other mothers in the tribe can help me raise him!”
“Fine!” Snapped Lightning. He’ll always have something that I don't have. The gift of flight. He knew that he would miss Hazel, but the kitten was abnormal. (Him thinking). It wasn't good enough for him.
Hazel's gaze bored into his. “First, you must hear his name.” She murmured “He is, and forever will be Thunder, son of Lightning.”
“You named him after me? Disgraceful! I will find a way to get him out of my sight forever.”
Chapter 1:
Thunder raced through the forest, his wings unfurling behind him. His best friend, Fang, ran beside him. The dappled light of the forest turned their pelts different shades of green, yellow, and gold.
“Stay here! I'll scout out places that should have good hunting!” Thunder yelled over the wind that was whistling in his ears. He relished the idea of biting into a warm, juicy mouse. Or even a fresh fish.
“Kay” shouted Fang “You better remember where I am!”
“Don't remind me of that last time…” Thunder muttered under his breath.
Wings now fully spread, he lept into the air, feat pushing on the ground hard, he took off. As he gained height, the trees grew thinner and more scraggly. Suddenly, there was a burst of light, the trees were now under him and the sky stretched up endlessly. Forward, the ocean stretched vastly in front of him. As he looked down, the river snaked through the trees, providing water for unsuspecting prey.
Swiftly, he flew back down to the narrow rabbit trail that he and Fang were using to navigate the forest swiftly, without trees blocking their path every few strides.
He quickly spotted Fang, sitting patiently grooming his paws.
“Let's hunt by the river.” Said Thunder.
Fang jumped in surprise. “Stop sneaking up on me! You do that to much!”
“I don't sneak up on you. You're just highly unaware of your surroundings.” He purred, eyes gleaming mischievously.
“Ugh.”
They hiked up the rabbit trail, searching for the river. Soon, the trees started to grow much more dense. The ferns swayed in the late morning breeze, casting dancing shadows on the forest floor. “All of these trees need lots of water. The river is around here somewhere.” He murmured.
Suddenly, a stench filled the air. Thunder saw Fang lifting his nose, wrinkling against the stench.
“Coyote,” growled Fang “cruel, slobbering beasts. One of those killed my brother!”
“Of course their evil! Their a type of knine!”
“Well, there's some waste from one right there.” Said Fang, gesturing to a pile of feesies. “Fresh by the looks of it.”
WIP!
NOTE: This is a WIP but I still would like some thoughts on it! Please don't just hate on it because you feel like it. I'll just skip through all of that junk.
THE SAVAGES
The Tribes, Groups, Threats: Information and where they Live:
The tribe of Dripping Rain: Location- A lush pine forest with many mountains and near the coast. Often cold and foggy, it is moist and easy to find prey. Northern. Leader- Lightning. Can be easily provoked.
The “Others”: Location- Their camp is in a vast tunnel system underground, but they hunt everywhere because the tunnels have multiple entrances and exits. Leader- Phantom. Can be provoked, although tries to avoid fights.
Savages: Location- An oak forest but quickly expanding, they are strong and trained to fight. The “weeklings” are either cast out or killed. Mostly a mystery, their camp is believed to be in the heart of the woods. An eerie place with burnt, scarred, trees growing close to each other. They mostly stay hidden, but, now they have been taking over territories. Leader- Savage. Openly aggressive.
Prologue:
Lightning looked around the forest, the trees casting eerie shadows as day turned to night. The branches creaked as they rubbed against each other in the frigid, northern, wind. The leaves rustled and the ferns danced in the twilight, darkening as the sun sunk beyond the horizon.
Suddenly, he was overwhelmed by a presence. Not hostile, nor peaceful.
“Lightning” whispered a voice, seemingly all around him. “I bring news.”
“Where are you? Who are you?” Yelled Lightning, a growl building in his voice.
“Around you, the wind” It answered.
“I'm not playing games!” Snapped Lightning “Games are for kittens!” The hair along his spine was rising. Fear and frustration were now building inside of him.
“Neither am I.” The voice whispered, calm as ever “Now, listen, I have a prophecy... No, a message.”
“What? What is it? It better be about me.”
The voice ignored him. “You must accept your son, no matter how much you hate him. He will bring a new era, glory for your tribe and all of The ‘Others’ Don't let his unique skills make you jealous. Don't take any chance you have to throw him away. I know you will ignore me, you will be the cause of many deaths. But, I'm here against my leaders will to warn you, to guide you. Now, my time has run out, I must leave.”
“Who-no, what are “the others.” Growled Lightning.
“In time, you will find out. Now go and tell your tribe. Now.” Whispered the voice, now fading into the night. A sudden gust of wind whistled through the trees and the presence quickly diminished. It was now night, only the crescent moon and the stars provided light. Hurry, hurry, tell them, the branches seemed to whisper.
Lightning whipped around, only his whiskers guiding him through the darkness. A coyote howled in the distance, cut off by a volley of barking. Wolves. Lightning thought disdainfully they killed my mother, my sister, and brought misery to the tribe.The little bit of starlight allowed the massive trees—redwoods, to cast threatening shadows onto the forest floor.
A barrier of brambles and blackberry bushes blocked his path. A small, thin, trail cut through a small clearing of grass into a tight, thorny tunnel. Ahead, a rather large, dense clump of ferns lined the either side of the trail.
“Who approaches?” Said a deep voice through the darkness, slightly muffled by the ferns.
Lightning paused, hesitating. “Only the heir to the throne, Steelhead” he answered, allowing a hint of irritation to seep into his voice.
“Lightning, I'm sorry for bothering you with unimportant questions.” Mocked the voice. “But, you see, if there's a hostile kitty roaming around we need to show it that our little—camp… Is not for the taking and is very much occupied.
“Ste-”
“Oh, young Lightning. You know we gaurds can't show ourselves while on duty. You surely must have that much wisdom and brains.” Mocked the guard.
“Ugh” snorted Lightning as he padded through the camp tunnel. He waltzed through the camp and jumped onto the tree stump that his father and his war commanders used for announcements. Surprised about the lack of fear this caused, he decided to start giving out this… warning. “I bring news!” He shouted. All of the cats quickly hustled out of their dens, turned and watched from where they were eating, and drowsily stumbled across the clearing to watch.
“I was sleeping!” One hissed.
“What's the stubborn tom up to now?” Muttered another.
“Just listen” he muttered, searching the camp for his father's disapproving gaze. Surprised when he found it, it only healed curiosity. That makes things easier. When I was in the woods-” he started, telling the tribe what happened that crisp, cold, winter night.Word, for word.
Sure enough, years later, Lightnings son was born. He had his father's bushy, black fur and striking yellow-green eyes. He even had his mother's silvery stripes all over his body. But he was different. An electric tingle filled the air in his presence. He also had wings.
“How could a magnificent, normal, leader like me have a weird, freakish kitten like that?” He snarled, glaring at his son.
Lightnings mate, Hazel, stared at her mate in awe. “How can you say that?” She snarled “He's perfect, he's special.”
“Get that creature away!” Bellowed Lightning “He's not normal!”
“Then I'll raise him without you! Keep being a ‘leader’ without this ‘abnormal’ son! The other mothers in the tribe can help me raise him!”
“Fine!” Snapped Lightning. He’ll always have something that I don't have. The gift of flight. He knew that he would miss Hazel, but the kitten was abnormal. (Him thinking). It wasn't good enough for him.
Hazel's gaze bored into his. “First, you must hear his name.” She murmured “He is, and forever will be Thunder, son of Lightning.”
“You named him after me? Disgraceful! I will find a way to get him out of my sight forever.”
Chapter 1:
Thunder raced through the forest, his wings unfurling behind him. His best friend, Fang, ran beside him. The dappled light of the forest turned their pelts different shades of green, yellow, and gold.
“Stay here! I'll scout out places that should have good hunting!” Thunder yelled over the wind that was whistling in his ears. He relished the idea of biting into a warm, juicy mouse. Or even a fresh fish.
“Kay” shouted Fang “You better remember where I am!”
“Don't remind me of that last time…” Thunder muttered under his breath.
Wings now fully spread, he lept into the air, feat pushing on the ground hard, he took off. As he gained height, the trees grew thinner and more scraggly. Suddenly, there was a burst of light, the trees were now under him and the sky stretched up endlessly. Forward, the ocean stretched vastly in front of him. As he looked down, the river snaked through the trees, providing water for unsuspecting prey.
Swiftly, he flew back down to the narrow rabbit trail that he and Fang were using to navigate the forest swiftly, without trees blocking their path every few strides.
He quickly spotted Fang, sitting patiently grooming his paws.
“Let's hunt by the river.” Said Thunder.
Fang jumped in surprise. “Stop sneaking up on me! You do that to much!”
“I don't sneak up on you. You're just highly unaware of your surroundings.” He purred, eyes gleaming mischievously.
“Ugh.”
They hiked up the rabbit trail, searching for the river. Soon, the trees started to grow much more dense. The ferns swayed in the late morning breeze, casting dancing shadows on the forest floor. “All of these trees need lots of water. The river is around here somewhere.” He murmured.
Suddenly, a stench filled the air. Thunder saw Fang lifting his nose, wrinkling against the stench.
“Coyote,” growled Fang “cruel, slobbering beasts. One of those killed my brother!”
“Of course their evil! Their a type of knine!”
“Well, there's some waste from one right there.” Said Fang, gesturing to a pile of feesies. “Fresh by the looks of it.”
WIP!
