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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 8:26:58 GMT -5
you'll never take us alive
we swore that death will do us part
they'll call our crimes a work of art
you'll never take us alive
we'll live like spoiled royalty, lovers and partners
partners in crime
"The desert is the only home I have ever known."
Servalpaw's life is a simple one. Following orders daily, fulfilling his training, handling the various dramas of his apprentice life; he finds it painfully slow and boring. Though his life should be perfect, he finds himself rebelling against his mentor and his Clan, manages to climb into a comfortable 'troublemaker' role. Enough to be told off and paid attention to, but not enough to sate his own appetite for adventure.
But then, against all odds, something happens. A mysterious rogue appears in the desert, with a hidden story that makes Servalpaw more curious than he should be. He knows that there's a fine line between rebellion and treachery - but he can't help himself. Curiosity killed the cat, or so they say - will Servalpaw's kill him?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 8:47:51 GMT -5
AgaveClan
"survival of the fittest."
a clan born and raised in the desert, well-known for their system of "sunrise warriors" and "moonlight warriors". due to the somewhat nearby two-leg village, they have varying pelt and eye colours and builds. known to mix with bigger wild cats to create hybrids. Leader -
Sagestar, a pale tan-and-white she-cat with grey around her muzzle and warm green eyes. Deputy - Bluerabbit, a dark blue-grey tom with white toes and a diamond-like mark between his blue eyes. named after his rabbit-like hop and bobbed tail. App - Spottedpaw Medicine Cat -
Thistlestep, a light grey tom with black ticking to his fur and yellow eyes. he only has three legs. Medicine Cat Apprentice -
Ghostleaf, a tall white she-cat with pale brown spotted tabby markings and blue eyes. Sunrise Warriors - Ravenflight, a giant dark brown she-cat with black spotted tabby markings and green eyes. App - JackalpawPython, a black-and-white tom with green eyes, formerly a rogue. Morningrose, a delicate red-and-white she-cat with green eyes. App - Mothpaw Feathersong, a pretty silver tom with darker silver dappling and blue eyes. Wolfdapple, an odd black-and-white dappled tom with green eyes. Moonlight Warriors - Hollystrike, a massive red-brown tom with black legs and ears and a white tail-tip, green eyes. App - Rosepaw Whitefox, a lean cream tom with light grey lynx point markings and light green eyes. App - Servalpaw Mountaindew, a pale reddish tom with white patches over his pelt and amber eyes. Dingopelt, a reddish-tan she-cat with brown eyes. App - Cactuspaw Owlfeather, a brown tom with black and brown speckling and wide amber eyes. Turtlefang, an elderly tortoiseshell she-cat with green eyes and a bobbed tail. Beesting, a gold-and-black tabby she-cat with amber eyes. Quailwhisper, a small cream she-cat with black spotted tabby markings and green eyes. Sunrise Apprentices -
Jackalpaw, a light brown she-cat with odd black markings on her sides and amber eyes. Mothpaw, a cream she-cat with dark brown lynx points and blue eyes. Moonlight Apprentices -
Rosepaw, a pretty cream tom with dark ginger lynx points and blue eyes. Servalpaw, a tall golden tom with black spotted markings and green eyes. Cactuspaw, a dark brown tom with white dappled markings on his hindquarters and blue eyes. Spottedpaw, a pale white-grey tom with light brown spotted tabby markings and black on his nose and on the backs of his paws. blue eyes. Queens and Kits -
Leopardflower, an elegant golden she-cat with black spotted markings and green eyes. Mother of Songkit (cream she-cat with golden lynx points), Tinykit (golden tom with white toes), Ashkit (cream tom with grey lynx points) and Sandkit (blind golden tom with black spotted markings). Elders -
Brokenwillow, a dark brown tom with green eyes. no use of his hind legs, retired early. Gazellestep, a pretty golden she-cat with white markings and amber eyes. - [ x ] - OutsidersKhepri, a smaller-than-average Serval with green eyes that often wanders the territory.
Kaius, a large but slender ginger tom with green eyes and an exceptionally long tail.
Aura, a small blue-grey she-cat with a bobbed tail who seems to frequent the territory for no apparent reason.
Pandemic, a Panther that was brought from a far away place. friendly with two-legs.
Mika, a golden Jackal with a litter of pups. she speaks cat. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:14:35 GMT -5
what is "til death do us part" about?
til death do us part follows the story of servalpaw and kaius, an apprentice and a rogue. while primarily told in servalpaw's point of view, it will have off-chapters that will detail kaius' recall of events (and bonus events on his side). it's a drama/suspense fanfiction with a heavy focus on the characters and about how their actions affect the ones around them.
be wary of violence & death, as both will become a common recurrence within the story. tread cautiously, friends.
completion of "til death do us part" and update schedule
the basic bones of the story have been outlined to the ends of the beginning, as it were; so the first five or so chapters have been outlined, with potential outlines for another fifteen or so. it could become less or more in the running, and chapters will generally range from 1k words to 5k, depending on the content within it.
it has an irregular update schedule, for now.
on setting, agaveclan, and breeds
it is no secret that til death do us part is set in the desert - and that "agave" is something native to south america & the southwest of usa. does this mean the story is set there? nope! the story is set in a nonspecific location, meaning that everything is a giant mix of the deserts of the world, which means you'll see plants from south america, and yet see animals from africa and asia. life's too short to limit yourself! most of agaveclan are variants of savannahs and bengals, ranging from being close to their wild counterpart (servalpaw, spottedpaw, ghostleaf) to being far away (whitefox, sagestar, turtlefang).
becoming a fan
it's simple. just tell me you're here & that you're watching. if you want a list, though, hit me up - i'm always down to please. literally. it's all i live to do. send help.
current fans: tuesday, mintedstar/fur, inversereality
trivia, fun facts, and out-of-story drabbles
they won't be posted on the front page because of potential spoilers. how do they work? you can ask a question that isn't story-related and have it answered. you can ask about a certain character and either get an explanation on how they fit in (or how they don't!) or a drabble. i'm here to give as much content as i can provide!
is the lack of coding a choice?
yes and no. i don't know how to code and i'm not particularly willing to work with it for now, but i also find this more readable. that said - if the black text is too hard to read, i'm 100% willing to change it to white!
criticism
constructive, yes - but only on pacing and characters. my writing style is...exactly that. the lack of capitalisation after dialogue ("I see." said Wolfdapple), and the heavy focus on dialogue. if i ask for a harsher critique then i've put myself into that position, but i will admit that i'm writing til death do us part for my own enjoyment, and a lot of that enjoyment is taken out by having people throw their harsher criticisms. you can point out typos, too - i'm proofreading on my own, and i will go in to fix those. if you see a consistency issue (names being mixed up, certain characters being called one thing when they're another) then feel free to poke me and go "yo, zilong, so i was reading and i noticed this". honestly, the only thing i'm not open to is criticism / bashing on my writing style, lol.
why can't we critique your writing style?
while i understand that it's the voice of the entire story and an unpleasant writing style is one that makes a story near-impossible to read in some cases, i've been writing for a huge portion of my life and i'm fairly comfortable at where my writing is at present. i'm aware that my writing is dialogue-heavy and some of it may bug you, but please understand that i've probably noticed the issue, and i'm working on it. i'd also like to bring up here that english is not my first language. sometimes things will be phrased weirdly, and while you can point it out, there's a 50/50 chance on me fixing it. |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:15:35 GMT -5
chapter one
The desert is the only home that I have ever known.
I am used to the feeling of the sand beneath my paws, the overwhelming heat overhead, the midday-suns spent napping under rocks and desert shrubs. It is unforgiving to some, but I find that it’s friendly to me. It tells me where the prey is hiding in the cold nights, it whispers to me when danger is nearby. I am one with the desert, I am the hunter of the night.
“Servalpaw, are you listening to me?”
As usual, Whitefox’s voice jolts me out of my thoughts. I’m sure I was supposed to be listening to him, but it’s much easier to drown him out and pretend that I’m something I’m not. He stares at me with a cool gaze. Then, he reaches forwards and cuffs my ear, giving me no time to react. Despite myself, I yelp – and a giggle tells me that someone is with us.
“Hey, Spottedpaw,” I turn to look at him – to look down at him. “How long have you been there?”
“Oh, y’know,” he hops forward and giggles again, batting at my shoulder in a playful motion. I bat him back and he tumbles over, surprised at the force I put behind the blow. “Just since you started daydreaming. You’re the night warrior!”
Whitefox has been watching us, and, usually, this is the point where he tells us off and sends us to chase away the rattlesnakes. As it is, he just settles and waits for us to listen to him. His tail moves back and forth, a lazy, thoughtless movement. Spottedpaw’s attention immediately goes from me to it. He crouches down and wiggles his hindquarters, then he pounces forward onto the moving tail. My mentor’s reaction is instant – he pushes Spottedpaw over, pinning him to the ground in a swift, fluid motion.
“Stop it.” his voice is rough. “Stop messing around. Are you two going to practice fighting moves, or are you just going to play around all day?”
“I’m just trying to make you feel better,” Spottedpaw’s ears pin against his head. I can’t really find it in myself to feel bad for him – he knows the situation, and yet he’s still acting like this. Kind-hearted? Yes. Clever? Debatable. “Poppytail would’ve wanted you to be happy!”
I can see the thunder in Whitefox’s sharp gaze. Instead of lashing out, he stands up to his full height and stalks away, fur bristling. “Practice on your own,” he calls over his shoulder, “I don’t care.”
And there he goes. Inspiring. I watch him for a moment before I turn to look at my friend, who looks both guilty and amused at the same time. I don’t know how he can do that – ignore his guilt in favour of being happy. Just because I can, I reach over and smack him over the head.
“Ow!” he laughs, standing up and waving his paw at me – though he doesn’t pat me back. “What was that for? I got Whitefox off your tail! You owe me.”
“Your insensitivity is kind of impressive,” I shake my head at him, before I nudge his shoulder with my nose. “Come on, we should go back to camp.”
He follows behind me as he always does, a little hop in his step as he moves. The sand is still warm beneath my paws, but the heat is fading quickly as the sun has been gone for a while. I watch as my friend runs ahead, slipping a little on the shifting sands. It’s amusing to watch, even if he should be used to walking on it by now. From the corner of my eye, I think I see a rattlesnake. Though I pause to look, it’s gone. A figment of my imagination? Possibly. I’m mildly unnerved, so I pick up the pace.
“Uh oh,” Spottedpaw says softly as we enter the camp, narrowed eyes fixed elsewhere. “I think Bluerabbit’s already spotted us.”
As if on cue, he hops over and stares up at us. He’s intimidating when he’s angry, I learn. Whitefox is sitting where he was left behind – which worries me far more than it should. He’s watching us from a distance, ears flattened against his skull.
“Have some respect,” it’s not directed to me, but to the airheaded cat next to me. “Poppytail was his sister, and it has barely been half a moon.”
“Doesn’t mean he has to be snappy.”
If I talked back to Whitefox like this, he’d skin me alive. Despite having the Deputy himself as a mentor, Spottedpaw manages to keep his attitude. Impressive, but extremely stupid. As I was expecting, Bluerabbit’s leg sweeps underneath Spottedpaw’s front ones, and he tumbles down to the ground with a startled meow.
“You and Servalpaw are going to help Thistlestep. He needs water, and you’re the perfect duo for that.”
I don’t know why I’m in on the punishment, but he leaves no room for me to argue as he pads away to return to his brother. Spottedpaw glances to me guiltily for barely a moment before he laughs – loud and joyful, causing some of the warriors around us to glance over.
“You go ahead to the oasis, I’ll see how much Thistlestep needs and I’ll get his weird thing.”
My whiskers twitch, and I’m not sure if I’m annoyed or amused. I wait for him to leave and stand still for a moment to look over the camp. It’s peaceful tonight, which isn’t a surprise. The more active warriors must be out.
Eventually, I make peace with the fact that no, Whitefox is not going to save me from the punishment. I sigh and shoot him a glare (though I doubt he’s watching), and I leave the camp with a heavy heart. My paws drag in the sand and leave a trail behind me, but when I turn to look, it’s already vanishing. The wind is tossing the grains of sand, seems to be picking up speed. Maybe there’s a sandstorm in AgaveClan’s future. I have no doubt that Thistlestep will detect it and tell someone before I get back, though.
The walk to the oasis is a short one, but I waste enough time that the moon is high and bright in the sky above me by the time I get there. Everything is still, the wind no longer blows. As I push past the thick green that covers the entrance to the water, I hear a noise – though I’m not quite sure what it is.
I don’t know why, but something in me tells me to be quiet, to lay low. I do exactly that, pressing my belly to the cool earth, crawling forward slowly. The noise is a voice, but it doesn’t sound familiar. Could one of the Sunrise Warriors be out here? I doubt it. They need rest. My ears strain to hear more; it’s a deep, smooth voice. Pleasant to listen to. The second voice is rougher but distinctly feminine, heavily accented like the speaker isn’t used to what they’re speaking.
Both voices stop, just as I’m close enough to hear words.
“There’s a presence with us,” the rough speaker says, and the growl that comes from her is doglike. The fur along my spine rises and I begin to back up.
It’s too late for me to escape, though. Someone’s moving towards me and I can’t escape quickly enough without being seen, so I flatten myself down further and hope that the one searching for me has no sense of smell or sight.
Unfortunately, I’m not as invisible as I’d like to be. A large cat approaches me. The first thing I notice are the black tufts on his ears; the second thing I notice is the way his lip is curled, as if it’s his territory and not mine. A surge of stupidity or bravery – I’m not sure which – passes through me, and I stand up. I’m smaller than him.
“This is AgaveClan’s territory,” I say, in a voice that sounds far stronger than I feel.
The cat squints at me and looks over his shoulder at his companion, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Immediately, my fur bristles again and my ears flatten. As I go to say something else, he lifts his paw as if he’s going to attack me.
“Shush,” it’s said so softly that I wonder if I’ve imagined it, but I quieten anyway. He seems satisfied with this, and he sets his paw down again. “Don’t worry, Mika. It’s just a Serval.”
“Just.” the rough voice sounds unamused. I don’t know what I expect when the other stranger approaches, but I’m certain I didn’t expect a wild dog. She’s smaller than both of us. “Young. Hello! Go away.”
“It’s AgaveClan territory,” I don’t know what’s come over me.
“It’s an oasis,” she says, “go away.”
The other cat is just watching us patiently, long tail swaying back and forth lazily. He seems quite content.
“Do you have a nose?” I ask, “there are scent markers around here.”
I wonder if I imagine the ginger tom laughing, but no – he’s definitely laughing, but it’s soft and quiet, a sound that I wouldn’t expect from a cat so intimidating. He stands up and walks away, his tail twitching. The dog looks to me, then looks back to him.
The tail is for me, then.
I weigh the options for a moment. I could go with him and get killed, or I could stay here with the dog and get killed. I like my chances better against him, but…I also can’t deny that I’m curious.
He’s sitting by the edge of the clear water, watching as if there are fish there. I wonder if he knows there isn’t – but surely he knows, right? The water is pure, I can see right to the bottom of it. He probably knows.
“I didn’t know there were Clans around here.” he starts, but doesn’t look at me.
“Clan,” I correct, before I can stop myself. “It’s just AgaveClan.”
This seems to bring his attention to me. There’s an intensity in his eyes that I can’t quite place. I wonder what he sees in mine, if he sees fear or determination or foolishness; but I don’t know why I’m concerned about the thoughts of a longer. I must chase him off and I know it, but I want to know why he’s here. We don’t usually get outsiders aside from kittypets, and they’re usually looking for our Clan. Wanderers never usually survive.
“I see,” he says smoothly. “Do you have a name?”
I feel compelled to give it to him, but I know that I mustn’t. “I do, but I’m not giving it to you.”
“I’ll give you mine in exchange.”
It feels like a deal too good to pass by – a name for a name, a truth for a truth. I squint at him thoughtfully. It comes to my attention that Spottedpaw has to be arriving sooner or later, so maybe I can stall this cat until he comes along. Then, we can chase him out together.
“Yours first,” I tell him, lowering my head to the water to drink. I’m thirstier than I realised, lap up the water faster than intended. I nearly choke on it, but I think it’s safe to say that I cover it up smoothly, coughing instead. He twitches an ear at me.
The stranger is silent for too long, and it’s deafening. I wonder if I should speak up, or if this is some mind game he’s playing with me. I shift my paws nervously, lift my head to see if the dog is still where she was before – but she’s gone, meaning that it’s just me and him, now. For some reason, this makes my chest tight. He could kill me and hide the body, and nobody would notice. That’s a scary thought.
“Kaius,” he says eventually, “that’s my name. Your turn.”
“Servalpaw.”
“Really?” his tone is amused, and I find myself glaring at him. “They couldn’t think of anything else?”
Though it’s hurtful to have my name mocked like this, he does have a point. It’s a lazy name but, hey – it’s not my Clan’s fault. I feel my paws twitch and realise that I’m close to batting him over the head. Self-restraint is hard to come by, but somehow, I manage. Kaius is watching me with what could be perceived as a lazy smile, ears perked forward, tail-tip twitching. He seems very confident, very content.
“If you’re a -paw, that means you’re an apprentice, right?” he asks. I squint at him. How does he know that? I decide not to push the subject and I manage to shrug a little. He laughs. “Are you an older one?” the questions are weird, but I suppose it means I’ll be able to lean on this if I have questions later. I nod. “Nice to know.”
My fur bristles.
“Why?” I grind out, unable to stop myself. “How old are you?”
“Just over a year.”
“I don’t know what that means,” I’ve never heard the term before. Kaius laughs and settles comfortably, paws dipping into the water. They’re large paws, the sort that promise that he’s supposed to be bigger than this.
“I told you, so I’ve answered your question.” he’s obviously pleased with himself, and I hate that. I growl low in my throat and stand up again, pacing back and forth.
A new scent passes over my nose, and to my relief, it’s Spottedpaw. He pushes through the bushes with Thistlestep’s weird thing in his mouth, looking very pleased with himself. However, he stops moving upon realising there’s someone else, and his gaze flicks between Kaius and me. His eyes narrow and he drops the thing.
“Who in the Underworld’s name is this?”
I exchange a glance with Kaius, hoping he’ll help me out. However, he just shrugs and goes back to patting his paws in the water. That says it all; he’s not going to help me, which means I’m going to have to come up with an explanation.
Spottedpaw stares at me, but I can’t find any words. I’m in trouble and I know it.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:15:51 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:16:14 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:16:28 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:16:45 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:17:31 GMT -5
chapter save in case bc the entire outline isnt done and idk how many i need, 18 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:18:13 GMT -5
potential chapter save, 21 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:18:36 GMT -5
potential chapter save, 24 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:18:56 GMT -5
final potential chapter save |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 14:38:04 GMT -5
i have all the saves & information up for now, and the first chapter will be posted sometime tomorrow! |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 19:07:52 GMT -5
you're an angel and i love you
i noticed that, too! i thought about changing the font but it's hilarious and fits me d: |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 19:16:10 GMT -5
♥♥♥ you are kind and warm
i was on mobile checking the forums and i saw the flags and i was like
"oh no i tried to streamline this to be friendly to mobile"
[pause]
"nope, i love this. i can't pretend to feel bad about it" |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 19:21:59 GMT -5
you're doing so well teach me your ways
it's
iconic
heheh |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 19:32:05 GMT -5
hmmmm fair, fair. does compassion also work
[slav squats aggressively] square up that was hilarious |
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Post by Dingoleap on Feb 10, 2018 19:44:17 GMT -5
This sounds interesting! I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes!
(If Tuesday is excited, I’m pretty sure it will be fantastic. She has excellent taste in writers/stories.)
Also the flag thing - I saw this on my Mac earlier and it still shows up as flags in That browser too. Just so you’re aware 
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 19:47:28 GMT -5
thank you <: i'm hoping it'll be interesting
(ohgosh those are some expectations L U L ;_; i hope i can live up to it)
ahh i see, if it had just mobile i probably would've left it - but i'll hop on and find a different font d:
@ tues; compassion is good & wholesome
oh come on let me live </3 |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 19:56:41 GMT -5
blessed
that's fair but also i feel threatened in this chilli's tonight |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Feb 10, 2018 20:13:10 GMT -5
So this was the flag thing I noticed! Honestly, that's an interesting way to get people to check this out!
If there is a fan list, put me on it, even if it's just a mental one.
*ups the hype a little*
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 20:17:29 GMT -5
hooopefully it's not flags anymore
well gee
i think i can work out a fanlist for you d:
(thank you though it means a lot) |
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Post by mintedstar/fur on Feb 10, 2018 21:10:43 GMT -5
I think it has, but then, I'm not on a mobile. I love your little 'Extras' section too. I've never seen it done before!  |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2018 21:55:02 GMT -5
my mobile says no but my mobile is also pretty decent at reading things usually
ahh lol i like extras and stuff bc theyre fun to do |
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