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Post by tigercry on Jan 22, 2018 10:15:17 GMT -5
It's honestly a really good piece flamerune! Although now I'm hungry for pancakes
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Post by flamerune on Jan 22, 2018 10:18:18 GMT -5
Yeah, later in the original story.... those two literally have fights about pancakes vs waffles. Chase is the waffle man Tobias makes pancakes.
When I wrote that short, I forgot to edit it to waffles. Chase made waffles, not pancakes.
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Post by tigercry on Jan 22, 2018 10:23:48 GMT -5
ha ha ha Waffles and pancakes galore!
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Jan 22, 2018 11:44:13 GMT -5
Wow, good work everyone! Moth's Wish I liked the symbolism, and the repetition gave it a nice flow! That last part caught me off guard, it kinda makes me go "Ohhh I know what this is about". It's a pretty moving piece, I like it! flamerune I love the emotion! I feel like these two characters will have an interesting dynamic; it kinda makes me want to read more! (And btw, I'm totally #TeamPancakes) So far I'm loving this! Let's keep writing cool stuff
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Post by flamerune on Jan 22, 2018 12:05:13 GMT -5
Tobias is literally nothing like the Tobias in that story. In the actual story he’s the hyperactive lovable one. That short was just a background story.
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Post by tigercry on Jan 22, 2018 12:24:12 GMT -5
It's still really good, and it's a good background story
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Post by flamerune on Jan 22, 2018 12:27:14 GMT -5
Thanks, Tiger. I wrote it at 3 AM. *shrug* My writers block is extreme. It only goes away in the middle of the night.
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Post by Moth's Wish on Jan 22, 2018 12:28:46 GMT -5
Ahhhhh thanks so much guys ^_^ It really means a lot. Usually people don't really notice the symbolism and the hidden meaning in that poem. They think it's just about a sad miniature version of the cookie monster >.<
But then again, they might think that because I have written poems like that xD
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Post by flamerune on Jan 22, 2018 12:32:02 GMT -5
I really liked it. Moth's Wish
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Jan 22, 2018 12:54:53 GMT -5
That line "I have run out of cookies" really spoke to me personally; I've had experience feeling like I can't do anything to help the people I care about when they're going through that. Like I've "run out of cookies" to give them, per-say. Anyway it was just a really powerful poem
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Post by Moth's Wish on Jan 22, 2018 13:32:58 GMT -5
flamerune Thank you guys so much I've never had so many people genuinely compliment my poems before ^_^ You really hit the nail on the head with the first hidden meaning in the poem ✽Boop✽. I've recently felt like this with a friend of mine that was suicidal. I've had to constantly talk them down from the literal ledge but I've reached a point where I felt like I've given all the advice I can give Dx But yeah, that was the first hidden meaning in the poem, you get a whole plate of warm cookies for finding it lol. The second meaning is a lot more well hidden. If you wanna try to figure it out, be my guest, but if it's a bit too hard I can just tell you or give you a hint.
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Jan 22, 2018 14:15:53 GMT -5
Hmm...I'm noticing a pattern with the mother's expectations. I feel like she's mostly the cause of the monster's feelings, which is something I can also relate to. Other than that, I can't seem to figure out anything else, haha.
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Post by Moth's Wish on Jan 22, 2018 14:35:50 GMT -5
Ahh, perhaps the meaning is a little too well hidden. You've got quite an eye for symbolism though, the mother's expectations as well as the monster's feelings play a large role in the second meaning.
Think about the repeated part of the poem.
"The little blue monster was sad. So, I gave him a cookie, and all was well."
I'm giving him food and it makes him feel better, at least for the moment.
Ahhh I sound like a teacher now Dx the second hidden meaning is an eating disorder; emotional/stress eating, and the feeling of uselessness and uncertainty once one is unable to "eat" the feelings away.
I didn't want to hint at this too much because my mom often goes through my poem book and she'd get mad at me if she knew that I think I have an eating disorder because, in her eyes, my problems can be easily solved and aren't as bad as hers. So I have no reason to stress out or be upset about them.
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Jan 22, 2018 15:47:00 GMT -5
Ahh, I see. It's incorporated into the poem quite cleverly, I have to say.
I feel like it's wrong for your mom to disregard your problems just because hers are worse. I know it's easy to get trapped into this mindset of 'well you can't complain because I have it worse', but we all have our struggles and they're all valid and worthy of sympathy. People can't just go around being happy all the time just because others may have it worse.
As for the eating disorder, I think you and I are the opposite in that regard. Whenever I'm stressed I tend to keep from eating, whether from skipping meals or just not eating enough. That's why I used to lose a lot of weight when I was around my mom. But luckily for me I'm in a much better situation now.
I know there's not much I can do to help you, but I wish the best all the same. I hope you come to a solution for your problems so that you no longer have to cope in that way.
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Post by 𝐸𝓁𝑜𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇 on Jan 23, 2018 1:31:05 GMT -5
To love is to give. To give your heart to someone, In the hopes that maybe they might return the favor. Or not.
To love is to smile. Despite the pain you feel inside, smile, Because you don't want him to worry. You just want him to be happy.
To love is to hope. Hope for a future that sends shivers down your spine, because spending your life with him is all you could ever want. And what you thought he wanted too.
To love is to serve. To put his else's needs above your own, Because his well being is the most important thing in the world. Even if your service is forgotten.
To love is to forgive. Time and time again, forgive, Because no matter what he does, you will always love him. Even when he stops loving you.
To love is to hurt. Because seeing the person you love Love someone else is a living hell. But still, you love him.
To love is to break. Break into a million pieces because each day You fall in love with him again and again, As he walks further and further away.
To love is to wish you could feel nothing. Because feeling nothing is better than feeling this Pain, this anguish, this rejection, this loneliness. Nothing is worse than loneliness.
To love is to pick up the pieces of your heart, And offer them to him again and again, So that he can see how much you love him. And then he can throw them away.
Again.
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Post by tigercry on Jan 23, 2018 20:22:16 GMT -5
auh So sad! But I agree with the poem, love hurts it can be really painful
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Jan 23, 2018 22:02:18 GMT -5
Nice work! It's so emotional!
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Post by 𝐸𝓁𝑜𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝑒𝓇 on Jan 24, 2018 0:11:53 GMT -5
thanks! I wrote thagafter I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and just found it again yesterday so I thought I’d post!
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Jan 29, 2018 0:09:25 GMT -5
It's been a little while since someone posted here, so I'll share a little story fragment!
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Jan 29, 2018 0:17:23 GMT -5
(This is an excerpt from a shorter story I had started to work on, completely separate from Break My Curse; Set Me Free. It's something I may or may not continue working on)
"I know the way." Christopher deflected, crossing his arms. "And I never said I'd planned to go there."
Finn recovered his mischievous expression. He seemed to enjoy arguing. "Of course you are; that's where everyone goes."
He had a point. This small town's function was mostly as a rest stop for travelers who were on their way to Laucester. It was a pretty safe bet to assume that most travelers here were heading that direction. And Finn happened to be right about Christopher, too.
"Okay, so I have business there. But like I said, I know the way. I don't need you." His face remained cold. He was growing tired of this conversation, and this annoying hedonist. In fact, he was growing tired in general. He had half a mind to retire to his room...and lock the door.
"Well," Finn began, clasping his hands together like he was proposing a deal. "The road is pretty dangerous, as I'm sure you know. But I can make it easier on you. I have healing magic."
Christopher's eyes widened in surprise, and he uncrossed his arms. It was a bit rare to see someone with those powers. And it was true that the road was dangerous; he had gotten pretty banged up on his last trip to the city. He could use a healer...assuming what Finn said was true.
He narrowed his eyes, skeptical. "Do you really? Prove it."
Finn nodded, grinning. He produced a small knife from inside his cloak, and after a moment of hesitation, he slashed his left palm, letting red droplets ooze from the wound and drip onto the table. Then he held his right palm over the wound, a soft golden light radiating from it. A moment later, the wound had completely disappeared.
Christopher smiled, hand grasping his chin thoughtfully. "Now that's what I like to see."
Finn glanced up at him with a sly smile. "So you'll take me with you, then?"
The man pondered for a moment, gaze locked onto this now-interesting healer sitting across from him. Finally, he answered. "I'll allow you to accompany me. But don't expect anything in return."
Finn chuckled, satisfied with his small victory. "Very well. I won't let you down."
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Bisexual
Flameswirl
I've been offline since 2018, stay safe my friends :))
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Post by Flameswirl on Aug 25, 2018 8:13:01 GMT -5
Hi! I love writing about romance as well but right now I'm working on a story about some spies. Does anyone have any ideas for any future romance stories I could write? I'm open to suggestions! (I might post some of my spy story later)
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Aug 31, 2018 23:01:14 GMT -5
Spies are really interesting!! Sort of related: I happen to have a plan for a future story involving a disgruntled detective falling in love with a master thief. Ooo I can't wait to write that!
One of my favorite romance tropes is "opposites attract". You could do something like that, maybe!! Vampire/werewolf is one I'm considering. Or something like a jock/nerd!!
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Bisexual
Flameswirl
I've been offline since 2018, stay safe my friends :))
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Post by Flameswirl on Sept 1, 2018 5:53:37 GMT -5
Oh I love the whole vampire/werewolf sort of thing (I'm in love with Twilight) Your detective falling in love with a thief is story sounds really cool! Who would except that someone solving crimes and investigations could fall for some who could of played a part in those crimes? I also love the sort of stereotype thing but I've just seen to many 'Popular captain of the football team with his cheerleader girlfriend but then this dorky freak comes in all the popular kids make fun of her, so this dork totally tries to be someone she's not then the jock falls for her, breaks up with the cheerleader before realising this dork has actually been acting so he would fall for her and then this jock is totally hurt but they patch up and fall in love blah blah blah' So I'm looking for something completely new and original. I'm trying to write a piece about this mum of three kids (I'm think maybe her husband should cheat on her) anyway the mum is driving to her sister's place because her sisters fiancée just got a HUGE promotion when disaster strikes and another car smashes into them. It's a head on collision but some how the woman and her kids manage to stay conscious. Then the woman's door is thrown open by some 'good Samaritan' who manages to get her out of the car as well as her two oldest boys but as he's getting the final child out the car blows up and he disappears... That's when I got bored and stopped writing the story. I'm thinking that everyone survived, maybe this good Samaritan died idk? Anyway the two oldest boys are basically unharmed but the youngest has several bad burns, the mum got several broken ribs and a deflated lung but the doctors say she will heal. BUT THEN!!! The doctors discover wait for it...wait for it...she has CANCER :0! That's what I'm thinking anyway. I have no idea if it's to over the top, and I'm not sure if I should make the story really sad but realistic and the mum ends up passing away after the doctors struggle to remove the cancer which has spread to various parts of her body. So...what do you think?
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Sept 1, 2018 18:28:03 GMT -5
Oh wow I love a good tear-jerker lol. Of course, you'll probably want to level out all the sadness with a little bit of happiness too, that way readers won't get super depressed reading it and they might have a reason to keep going through the story
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Bisexual
Flameswirl
I've been offline since 2018, stay safe my friends :))
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Post by Flameswirl on Sept 15, 2018 7:39:11 GMT -5
Thanks for the feedback! I'll try to make it more happier, I definitely want her to see her sisters wedding (Thinking that will be cute!) I'm posting some of the spy story i was talking about (I'm only young so don't judge! But I'm open to suggestions )
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Bisexual
Flameswirl
I've been offline since 2018, stay safe my friends :))
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Post by Flameswirl on Sept 15, 2018 7:42:46 GMT -5
Running From the Past
The Past
“ I’m not sure you can handle this-”
“ I can Amanda stop worrying I’ll be fine”
“ I don't fully believe that-”
“ So what now you don't believe in me?”
“ Josh will be with me its fine!” Jacob threw a back leather jacket over his shoulders and began pulling on thin black reef shoes.
“ Look Jacob It’s just for your safety!”
Jacob put his hand over his mouth and shook his head “ You still hiding behind there you can’t even face me!” Jacob’s tone raised and there was an angry hint in it. Suddenly a body appeared out from the shadows. She began walking up to Jacob and he forced himself to look away. “ And you can’t even look at me” she growled at him. Jacob took a deep breath and turned around. The girl had long wavy brunette hair and was wearing a black jumpsuit hiding her olive skin as well as flat black shoes. Her lips were cherry red and she wore thick black eyeliner making her ocean blue eyes stand out. “ Listen you've been failing your tests for the last four weeks, you were told by the company not to go with Josh this is a mission for only the best of the best” She flicked her hair back behind her shoulder. “ So I’m not a good spy then?” Jacob threw a nasty look at her. “ Look Jacob I didn’t mean it like that-”
“NO! It’s ok I get it, you don’t think I'm good enough”
“ Jacob I’m sorry I don't mean it like that I swear!”
“Stop wasting my time, why don't you go make out with my brother again?”
“ Jacob you know it wasn’t like that, I-”
Jacob didn't hear the rest of her sentence as he stormed out of the room with a grim expression plastered on his face.
He snuck along the shadows being careful not to let anyone see him all the way down to where the pods were kept. As he entered the room, he saw someone checking one of the pods over. He had sleek brushed back black hair and wore the same clothes as Jacob except the end of a silver revolver stuck out from his jacket pocket. Jacob watched in silent for a minute. “ Get out here bro I know you're there!” The boy called out, he had a deep tone and turned around quickly scanning the room for any sign of movement. “ Sorry bro” Jacob stepped out of the shadows and walked up to his brother smiling. “ Get that smirk off your face!” The boy scolded him.
“Don’t boss me around” Jacob scoffed
“ You can’t come” his brother told him sternly “You’ll get into to much trouble”
“Josh! My man come on bro I love you but-” Jacob was cut off by a large stomping coming down the hallways. The stomping of what seemed like hundreds of guards. “ Shadows!” Josh whispered to him. Jacob ran over into the corner of the room, the darkness and dim lights hid him completely from anyone who entered. Suddenly a dozen guards appeared at the entrance of the room, each dressed in black with shields and guns. “ Where's your brother” the man at the front said to him, his voice muffled by the mask covering his head. “ I don’t know” Josh replied nervously doing the little twitch thing he did when he was lying. “ Lier!” One of the guards from the back yelled. “ I’m not lying!” Josh shouted at them. He quickly turned his head to his brother run he mouthed. The front guard followed his gaze. “ THERE HE IS!” he yelled. The men charged at Jacob and started yelling battle cries. Jacob thought quick, he threw himself at the closest guard and stole his weapon from him. “ GET HIM!!!” One of the guards yelled. Jacob held up the gun as the guards crept closer. ‘You can't’ he told himself. ‘But you have to’ Jacob pointed the gun at the front guard the one who had spotted him and put his finger on the trigger. All the guards erupted into laughter. “ He wouldn’t dare!” the front guard almost choked he was laughing so hard. “ JACOB!” Josh called out to him shaking his head. “ I’m sorry Josh” Jacob whispered lowering his head. He looked away and pulled back the trigger. A deafening BOOM silenced the room followed by a large thud. Jacob inhaled deeply, he swore underneath his breath and then began running towards one of the pods. He threw open his door and jumped inside the two person vehicle. “ Where would you like to go?” a voice called out to him. Jacob tilted his head, the guards were mourning their dead leader but suddenly realised him. “ AHHHH!” they screamed charging at the pod. “ Paris!” Jacob yelled. “ Door shutting” the voice told him. The guards realised they would never reach the pod in time. Instead they turned around and surrounded Josh. “ NOOOO!!!!!!” Jacob screamed as the door shut, he saw from a gap between the guards that his brother was being forced down on one knee. All the guns were pointed at his head. Tears began streaming down Jacobs face and he slammed one more time on the glass of the pod. “ JOSH!” he yelled. “ Taking off in 3….2…..1” the pod suddenly flew forward and Jacob snapped back into reality as he heard a gunshot.
The Present
Tall trees covered the view of the moon and thick dull greenish-brown brambles covered the undergrowth. “ Who's There?” Jacob shouted. A horrible hissing filled Jacobs ears and then a CRACK made him turn around. “ I SAID WHO'S THERE!” his voice echoed of the bark of the trees. No one appeared. Jacob twirled a sleek black gun in a circle, and dove between one of the bushes behind him. The hissing was louder now like a cobra getting ready to spit its deadly venom onto him. Another crack came and some more hissing. “ AWOOOOOOOOO” an ear splitting howl filled the air and Jacob covered his ears . He peeked over the bush to see an enormous grey figure creeping towards him. It had four legs and its dark blue eyes shone as moonlight from the leaves reflected onto them. “ Shoot!” he whispered to himself. Could he remember anything about wolves from the agency? ‘Don’t think about the agency!’ He told himself. Guess I’m just gonna have to actually shoot it.’ He pointed his gun over bush and aimed it at the figure. ‘Look away’ He told himself. Jacob looked away put his index finger on the trigger and pulled it. A gunshot filled his head but when he opened his eyes the wolf was still creeping up towards him. It smells my blood. Jacob pulled the trigger again but still nothing happened . He hit it with his hand a cursed. “Come on!” he muttered under his breath. Was this the end? What would it be like to die? Suddenly a loud noise filled the area followed by a thump. Jacob cringed, thumps brought back to many memories. He jumped up from the hedge and pointed his gun straight forwards reaching into a bag slung around his shoulder filled with some more bullets. He took them out and quickly put them into the gun. “ Hello?” he half whispered stuck in a frozen position. You should be better, more confident! He told himself. “ Well that wolf totally didn’t stand a chance” a voice echoed off the trees like his had before. “ Come out you coward!” Jacob put up his head and tried to slow down his heart rate. “ So you don’t remember me?” someone stepped out of the shadows, you could see a shadow but the moonlight wasn’t shining on them yet. “ I’m surprised” her voice became softer. “ Maybe this will help!” a bullet was fired straight towards Jacob and he tried to think fast. As the bullet got closer he thought of those horrible things again. This is It. He closed his eyes but just before the bullet hit him he put up his hand and grabbed at the air with one single movement. Am I Dead? His eyes fluttered open and he gasped. Unfolding his hand he saw a dented golden bullet sitting in his hand. “ That’s more like it” she smiled stepping into the light. “ That’s more like my Jacob.”
(It makes more sense the longer the story goes on)
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Sept 15, 2018 17:06:59 GMT -5
Oh wow that story had me SHOOK
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Bisexual
Flameswirl
I've been offline since 2018, stay safe my friends :))
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Post by Flameswirl on Sept 15, 2018 22:16:37 GMT -5
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Post by Redfleck on Sept 16, 2018 14:54:40 GMT -5
This is cool! It's alright if I post mostly poetry/essays here, right? I notice most of the writing here is prose fiction.... My prose fiction writing isn't the best, but I can work on it here. Hi everyone! Flameswirl JACOB I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO DIE. BUT HE IS TOO COOL FOR DEATH, APPARENTLY. I love the action in "Running from the Past"! It's paced nicely and exciting to read, and I really care about your characters. One thing that made me a little uncomfy was some of the comma usage (or lack of it) and the lack of line breaks; the giant chunks of unspaced dialogue/description are pretty daunting to look at. It's just a formatting preference, though. I like your writing.
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Post by ✽Boop✽ on Sept 16, 2018 17:02:57 GMT -5
Sure you can post whatever you want here, really. I'll read it lol.
I mean OP has probably long forgotten about this thread so we're really just kinda adopting an abandoned shack, if you will lmao. That's a weird way to put it but it works
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