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Post by wadevvilson on Nov 25, 2017 18:15:37 GMT -5
[These have been edited to remove cursing, things like that. Also, the NSFW warning is there for a reason. Don't click if at school or something like that. Haven't been writing much SFW things recently thanks to character muse, but I've currently got 2 pieces in the works.]
1. come a little bit closer, you're my kind of man
It wasn't exactly a good kind of exhaustion, what he felt after his semi-frequent spars with the DawnClan leader. Then again, exhaustion was rarely a good thing to begin with. He wasn't sure why he was thinking of that right at this moment, considering that they were currently dueling and he really needed to pay more attention-but, he thought that he was doing well enough dodging the ghost tabby's blows anyways. It seemed so, at the very least.
Once again, he struck, abruptly throwing his weight forwards in an effort to unbalance the other tomcat. Of course, this only served to unbalance himself in the end, given the black shorthair's prompt double kick to his injured side; he decided to go down messily if not gracefully, dragging the smaller tom into the dirt with him, both grinding sloppily against each other as they went.
It was some feral instinct by this point, nothing more. Granted, Duncan's curiosity was directed towards nearly everyone on some level (however vague), and he didn't particularly hold any sort of animosity towards Rockstar, but he wouldn't say that he was genuinely, primally interested in DawnClan's head. Not in the way that he was interested in Hawktalon or Bearclaw, or any past fling of his. He thought that this feud was stupid, sure, but if anything, purposefully pushing the other's buttons gave him a workout. It was far from boring, he thought, mentally noting that the tabby was close to release and choosing to step up his game with a wicked, delighted grin.
And this was a game, at least by this point. To Duncan, certainly. A claw, catching an ear. Lightly, not enough to tear or snag, but just right. It was right. Duncan didn't miss Rockstar's barely restrained shiver when one of his good feet (he wasn't mentally cataloguing what went where in the moment) hit a sweet spot as they rolled.
Faster than he could count, though, it was over. On one end, anyway. Duncan sniffed distastefully, and made a show of standing, shoving the leader beneath him (though that took more strength than he was willing to admit, so much willpower was going into keeping his creaky old limbs from shaking with exertion. The lack of food never helped him in any way), and roughly planting his head into the dirt. Rockstar looked up at the tortoiseshell, but did not speak. Duncan would not be dignified with any sort of response, it seemed.
The wheeze of Rockstar's breath and the view of blood dripping down the black cat's face was just about enough to send Duncan over the edge for the who-the-[]-knew-how-many-th time that day, but he held off just long enough to speak, a gravelly rasp present in his tone. "Look, buddy. You wanna die here? We both know that I can't. So unless you want your Clanmates to find your body soaked in more blood than they'll know what to do with, back off. 7 times is too damn many." With a shudder, he too then spent himself, and slumped down over the leanly-muscled tomcat's unmoving form. Neither of them would let the other get too comfortable, but for now it would do. They'd scuttle off back to their Clans later.
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Post by wadevvilson on Nov 25, 2017 18:18:43 GMT -5
2. Two cats lying no inches apart [because they're not gay. but neither of them are straight either, so that ruins the meme, doesn't it?]
Even if he'd been half-asleep, he would have noticed the sound of those steps heading in his direction. Hawktalon was simply not quiet whatsoever when they walked. For the most part, anyways. They could be silent when they actively tried to be. Duncan opened his eyes slowly, taking a moment to get acclimated to the bright light. "Something up?" The grizzled tomcat quite literally coughed out, momentarily forgetting the fact that he was partially submerged in water. Said substance was currently up his nostrils, and he pawed at the waves lapping against his muzzle grumpily and swore under his breath. Man, that stung. "Thought you were...busy," he continued, bitterness slipping into his voice as he spoke. If he hadn't already been lying on his side (the good one), he probably would have rolled over.
"One would expect me not to be that cruel." The cat on the bank flinched at the pain in their mate's voice, though their gaze was a glassy sort of neutral. They did not come closer, but it was evident that they were thinking of doing so judging by how they eyed the shallows. "Duncan," they started, in that same dry monotone as ever. "Would you mind if..." The medicine cat shifted their weight uncomfortably, eyes flicking from the lakeshore back to the larger form sprawled in the water.
"No, go ahead. I'm all ears." And that was that. Duncan watched the fawn-colored feline curiously, wondering just what they had to say. He lazily rasped his tongue over a damp forepaw as he waited, just to give himself something to do in the moment.
There was a painfully long stretch of silence. And then, they began to speak. "I have realized," they soon paused mid-sentence to swallow thickly. "I have realized that I was being unfair. Overreacting, as it were. Genuinely. It was extreme of me." Out of all things, it really wasn't that serious. They'd given him an utterly betrayed look, then stormed off. "I did not even stop to think about what you said, just left. You were not the one violating my trust in this situation; you weren't even a part of it originally. I should not have immediately jumped to blaming you for someone else's mistakes. By doing so, I am no better than the numerous people who have done the exact same to me in the past. I am sorry." Hawktalon inched back a bit. Perhaps, they should leave. It seemed an appropriate course of action, certainly. They glanced behind them warily, and cautiously began to shuffle back the way they had originally came. "I will leave you be now. I'm sure we need more of something in the herbal stores, anyway."
"Wait," he hauled his torso partially out of the water then, digging the claws on his front paws into the sand to brace himself. "Just wait, will ya? You don't have to leave. And, it was only the one time." Duncan took a moment to clear his throat, biting back a sardonic snarl. Though it was true they'd known each other for most of their lifespans so far, it was at least considerate that Hawktalon had apologized. Even if the constant apologies were getting old at this point, at least the words were genuine. He knew that by now, if anything. "Barely noticed in the first place." This would have been punctuated with a shrug had he not been too busy concentrating on trying to hold himself upright. "Was an honest mistake, not an intentionally malicious gesture. Not like you clawed me in the face or something. Now, c'mere," he beckoned the smaller cat with a lazy wave of his tail, and lowered himself into the unpleasantly warm water again. "Gotta be at least marginally cooler in here than up there."
Hawktalon tensed as he spoke, their batlike ears flattening. The Persian mix quickly ground to a complete halt, the slightest hint of guilt visible on their flattened features. "Still. I should not have done so," they echoed. They then slowly walk into the shallows, making their way towards the scruffier cat and splaying themselves out near his belly. "Hot today," they quipped in an attempt to change the subject. "And, I suppose you are right about that. Not as though it seems to be making much of a difference." The moggy lets out a snort. "It is still warm."
"Ain't as hot as you." Duncan let out a grunt of affirmation at their next words. "And, maybe if you close your eyes and wish real hard," he snarked playfully, rolling his eyes. Smirking, the darker-furred cat lifted a small paw, paused for dramatic effect, and then quickly slammed it down into the water. "That better?"
The indignant splutter, the brief flash of genuine emotion on their face-it was worth it, so damned worth it (and [] if it didn't make his whole being ache). It took Hawktalon a while to recover, and for what seemed like forever they sat there numbly, starting off into the distance in shock. But the smaller cat eventually bounced back, and reciprocated with ease, sending a considerably larger wave at his face. They certainly weren't lacking for aim, that was for sure. "Flattery will get you places, certainly."
"Where, exactly?" His tone was most definitely teasing, and there was a sort of giddiness to it as well. "Ahh. Wait. Don't tell me." Impressive, how one could still speak with a mouthful of water. No doubt he'd swallow half the lake by the end of this. "I think I may know...provided you're up to it, that is." A []-eating grin spread across his maw, though it faltered for the briefest of seconds.
And the duo got up, in a strangely intimate sort of dance, hurling insults and twisted sorts of compliments back and forth until neither of them could verify that the other was joking or not. That was just how they had been, and how they probably always would be. Some things just didn't change. But, for them, it worked. Somehow. Years of pain, contained in only a few words. Years of regret.
They ended up on top of him eventually, draped across his chest. The position couldn't have been entirely comfortable for either of the pair, but neither of them bothered to move. Hawktalon spoke first. "We are damaged," they uttered softly, suddenly, in that same monotone. Quieter, now, yet with more emotion; as much as they'd allow themselves to show, anyway. "...We are damaged."
"I ain't arguing against that," he said wearily, not meeting their eyes. "Not in the least."
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Post by wadevvilson on Nov 25, 2017 18:31:42 GMT -5
3. Exactly 0 days gone without angst [had to remove several sentences here and heavily bowdlerize others]
He came in like something was chasing him, nearly losing his balance as he staggered over to Bearclaw. Duncan ungracefully pinned the smaller tomcat against the closest available hard surface, averting his eyes as he spoke. "You, uhh, mind turning over?" His voice was oddly hesitant, and there was some emotion that Bearclaw couldn't quite make out present in his tone.
The bracken-colored tom obeyed, and promptly got into a more favorable position. Bearclaw raised a brow, concern flooding his features. "Is something wrong? You don't usually sound so...well, like that, to put things bluntly." Bearclaw would admit that he didn't have a photographic memory, but he was usually pretty good about not forgetting things. Plus, Duncan had sounded fairly nonchalant the last time they'd discussed something serious and potentially damaging (though admittedly that had been a while ago by this point), as flippant as he always was. Not that Bearclaw felt great about subconsciously using him to begin with, but Duncan really hadn't seemed affected by the other's decisions in any way, just uttered a few vague comments and left it at that. Still, though, Bearclaw may have been slow to grasp concepts on rare occasions, but he certainly hadn't been born holding the idiot ball. Something was up, and he'd try to approach the subject as gently as possible...at the very least, to start off.
"Nope," was all that Duncan said in response, though the word was more of a low growl than anything else. And so, he continued, nipping the other tom gently from time to time.
Hot breath battered Bearclaw's scruff, and there was a quiet sigh from his faux tortoiseshell-pelted partner. "Wait," Bearclaw muttered after a long while of awkward silence. Upon realizing that Duncan probably hadn't heard (or wasn't listening, that was more likely), he raised his voice pointedly. "Duncan. Stop. Evidently, we should talk." Bearclaw cleared his throat, motioning for the other cat to disengage.
And disengage he did, hobbling off awkwardly to the side and plopping down on the ground with all the grace of a falling tree. Duncan didn't speak, just clenched his jaw and glared wearily at Bearclaw, his pale eyes smoldering.
"It's not hard to guess something's bothering you. Mind divulging?" Bearclaw tilted his head to one side and sat, slim tail curling around his paws. "I'm patient, remember. Even if takes until all the cats in StarClan fade away, I can wait."
Duncan scowled for a while longer, swallowed thickly, then spoke. "I think you know damn well what the problem is," he said simply. "And I honestly don't think we can keep doing this." Truthfully, he'd been more than kind of ignoring the both of them recently, but only because they'd been ignoring him first. For well over half a year, last he'd bothered to check. "'Least, not with the way things have been going." This was punctuated with a wry chuckle.
It didn't take long for Bearclaw to put two and two together. "It's not like I'm attempting to screw you over any longer, be it unintentional or not. My apology was sincere; on some level, I did not mean this. Besides, you sounded fine with the situation the last time we truly spoke. Why act out now instead of earlier?" The bracken-colored cat's breath caught in his throat. "And I've been trying, I swear. Or at the very least I've been planning to, I just haven't found the time recently."
Duncan let out a loud snort at Bearclaw's reply, rolling his eyes. "I told you, I don't give a [] about that. I'll live. I've done so for over 15 damn years so far. Still talking about Hawktalon here, or did you forget?" His lip curled in disgust. "Getting real tired of pulling myself every which way, shutting parts of my brain off just so I can be with you, with them. I worded that wrong, but. I keep stepping back, detaching myself from all this only to get thrown back into the midst of it at full force again...Feels like cheating, in a way. And I'm all too familiar with that feeling. No wonder I never stay anything resembling remotely sober for long, mmm? Not that it makes much of a difference anymore. Anyways. I'll admit to not caring enough to find out what exactly it is that you did beyond the very basics, but. Apologize, damn it. It got stale a while back, and here I thought you weren't childish."
"I'm not the only one at fault here," he protested. "They could have done something to help me, but they didn't. I didn't ask to be a single parent when I was barely out of the nursery to begin with, and I didn't ask for my sibling to be stubborn and disown me for completely idiotic reasons." The fur along Bearclaw's spine bristled. "I didn't ask for my family members not to help, and I certainly didn't want Tawnystar to lose her last life saving me. It's in the past now, it's not like I can change previous events. If anything, they were the one who was acting like a child; granted, we were children way back when, but not anymore. I would have thought they'd be mature enough to let things go. And, for the time being, looks like it's this or nothing. Take nothing, if you must. I think you need a break, and I don't see this feud ending anytime soon."
"D'ya think I don't regret not being there for my own kids in some manner? I get it, you can't change the past. But you can prevent [] from happening in the future. You get the [] over it and move on. No use in being fully stuck in the past, it's just a waste of time in the end." Duncan growled low in his throat, his curled ears now flattened against his skull in anger. "I imagine you could very well view this situation as the pot calling the kettle black in a sense given my own numerous issues, but who the [] cares at this point." At the mention of his relationship status, his hooded eyes darkened. "Maybe I will. Leave you two to set things ablaze while I'm gone, heh."
"I'll have to admit that I wonder sometimes, given how little you interact with some of them." Bearclaw retorted. "I don't think that everyone can just get over the only living member of your family's disowning you that easily. Maybe you could with Plovertail, but Hawktalon and I were once close. I don't think there's any repairing that bond. And, fine. Go, run away. My sibling saw something worth redeeming in you, but I have to say that I have trouble doing the same at times."
"In retrospect, I can see why we bonded," he chuckled darkly. "And, well, boned. Beneath the friendly, nice-guy demeanor, you're just as cheap and low-brow as me. Hawk's the same, though they'd never admit it out loud, and I'm personally not all that fond of admitting that people I like have flaws, either. We're all terrible people, just trying to cover up our numerous screw-ups in various ways. I won't deny I hold 'em on a pedestal higher than my own. I won't deny that at first glance, you seem like you can do no wrong. I won't deny that I pretty much deserve nothing after all this time. But at least I'm honest. I tell people if they've [] me off, at least eventually. Better than your track record, Bear. I see we've resorted to stating obvious information now? Fine by me. I'm a horrible father figure, have serious issues with emotional intimacy, rarely take anything seriously, and half the time I genuinely consider mutilating my own genitalia, not that it'll end any of this. Most of your family is dead, most of my family is dead, we're downright miserable together and one of us constantly smells like [] and a general hatred of and for the concept of existence. And apparently, I only just shacked up with you 'cause I craved a good pounding." Duncan grinned, winking as he spoke. "Need I go on, or is that good?" The wildcat mix cooed sickeningly, leering at the other tomcat.
There were certainly ways in which the two were similar, and it made Bearclaw deeply uncomfortable. "We are alike in a manner, but we are not the same." Certainly, there was some truth to that statement. "There's no point in trying to bring me down to that level. And, I believe you missed the part about you being so afraid to freely admit your sexuality that you'd maul a man, despite the fact that no one holds a negative opinion on you for that reason in the least."
"You could just say 'my level' instead of being vague. No need to pretend to be dignified, and there's no need to pretend to hold a favorable opinion of me just because I saved my own partner way back when. Neutrality ain't the same as truly caring for somebody, nor is it really the same as caring for somebody because you feel like you're obligated to for some damn reason." Duncan let out a barking laugh. "Coulda gone your entire life without trying to get to know me personally. Too late for that now, though. Dug yourself into a hole in that respect." At Bearclaw's next comment, he let out a dismissive grunt. "...Nailed that on the head," he muttered, his tone cautious.
The Persian mix bristled, but at the very least attempted to remain calm. "I care for you the same as I care for all the members of this Clan, if not more. You are family, although not by blood. There are rules that come with that." Bearclaw stifled a sigh. "I will admit that I am grateful to you for having found Hawktalon, having been there for them when what was left of their blood relations could not; I've stated that before, Duncan. You know that, I trust. If anything, I'd say that we've formed an oft-uneasy friendship over the years, not that either of us have been willing to admit that in exact words until this conversation. Much more than simple friendship in your case," he said, then hesitated. "In my own case, it's also more than that. It's been years since I've felt emotions like this. And I think that by now the both of us know we'd throw ourselves in harm's way to protect each other in an instant. That's one thing."
The massive tomcat shifted his weight uncomfortably, eyes narrowing. "I swear, everyone in this family eats, breathes, and poops eloquence what with they way they all talk," he muttered under his breath. "Then again, that's to be expected considering RiverClan. Fancy name or not. Poets, the lot of you. And, doesn't take a genius to put two and two together, Bear. While we're here, I might as well acknowledge that. Though even I don't entirely know what the [] we are-" Duncan paused momentarily in his speech as he rolled over onto his back, swallowing thickly. He shuddered and groaned loudly, arousal now fully exposed to the cool air. "You sure as [] don't, either, but. 'Soulmates' wouldn't be the right word here. Nah, that's more of a thing Princess and I have. Lovers, sure, that's...obvious, kind of. Eugh. If you really want to be sappy here, then I'd guess we're lovers." The moggy grimaced, waving a slender forepaw around as he spoke. "Well. We're something, at least. Would I have expected to be this close to my crush's brother 13 years ago? Give or take a few, that is. Anyways, the answer's a resounding 'No.' And the answer'll always be no. Sure, I thought you had a nice butt, like how I think numerous other people have nice butts, but I was too busy with other things at the time." Duncan wrinkled his muzzle. "We're something. We've got something here. And...I can't say I'm entirely regretting it. I'm fairly conflicted, sure. I'm tired as hell, and more than a little angry at everybody in this situation right now, sure. But I'm not exactly regretting this decision, overall. Wonder what that says about me?"
At Duncan's next words, he raised a brow. "I never thought that I would hear you call anyone your lover, let alone me. It just feels too old-fashioned of a word for your vocabulary," he stated, suppressing a weary chuckle. "And I'd offer to help, but we both served to kill the mood here. It would be wholly inappropriate conduct." Bearclaw cleared his throat awkwardly, ears flattening. "You're right, though. We've all made serious mistakes in our lives. And only we can fix them. So, I suppose that sooner or later I'll have to confront Hawktalon...as much as I dread doing that." My, that was a lot of emotions to run through in such a short amount of time. He felt drained all of a sudden.
"Yeah, well." Duncan huffed and fluffed up his fur, looking none too thrilled. "...Took a lot of effort on my part. Don't expect me to say it again," he growled, scowling as he spoke. "And no [], the mood's gone. Doesn't take a genius to tell anyone that, either." Duncan didn't speak for a while after that, just gazed aimlessly into space, avoiding glancing in the direction of Bearclaw's face. "So, let's not and say we didn't. Think it's best we both split for now, take some time to think about things. And I mean that-" he broke off mid-sentence to shoot a pointed glare at the other tom. "Really do." With a significant amount of effort, he braced himself and got to his feet, and began limping back the way he'd originally come from.
Bearclaw waited a few moments until he could definitively make sure that Duncan had gone, then headed off himself; in the opposite direction. He had some things to ruminate on, certainly.
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Post by wadevvilson on Nov 26, 2017 4:51:31 GMT -5
4. Stones and silver
All the apologies in the world wouldn't make up for several lifetimes worth of hurt. That much was painfully obvious. He didn't deserve Hawktalon. His Princess. He kept repeating that in his head, like a mantra. Especially repeated that to himself a few days ago, when he'd...Well, the silver tabby cat had certainly been willing, and Duncan had been bored. But, the guy had been desperate for someone to even talk to him for longer than a few seconds, so Duncan figured that the full package, terrible pun intended, wouldn't hurt the much younger male (a 10-year difference was pretty major). Plus, Makostripe at least had a personality and wasn't completely boring to be around. He just looked intimidating.
Duncan liked intimidating-looking cats, that much was obvious. Then again, he lusted after most for various reasons, so that didn't make much of a difference in the grand scheme of things. And it was a one-time thing, a little test. Both parties had agreed to that. No harm in being bored, after all. They'd meet again, that was for sure, but not in an amorous manner. No, the CrestClan medicine cat's general aesthetic just happened to mesh with Duncan's. He didn't particularly need any more drama in his life right now, and Makostripe had made it crystal clear that he was looking for neither a simple booty call nor a potential romantic partner. The tabby had just thought it would be interesting, and found Duncan to still look nice for his advanced age. Duncan supposed that he had been right about the former; either way, the moment of interest had passed by now, so he really shouldn't have been pondering it. Yet, here he was anyway. Thinking.
He didn't particularly like thinking. Sometimes, it would have been better if he wasn't capable of complex thought. He'd been doing well for the past several years (he couldn't count how many by this point), and he knew that Hawktalon wasn't surprised by his antics and grudgingly accepted that sometimes they just couldn't attend to his needs for various reasons; but, wasn't the entire point of being in a relationship to stick with your partner? To not treat them like yesterday's leftover meat, rotting in the sun? He had faltered, slipped back into his old ways all to easily. It had been a moment of weakness, but that didn't mean it was excusable. Duncan wasn't blind to the pain in their eyes when, all that time ago, he came home late, smelling of the night's catch. Sometimes multiple. They'd pretended to be asleep, sometimes. But he wasn't without senses.
It wasn't exactly something he could apologize for by this point. He'd spit those words out so many times that they barely meant anything anymore. Even with his own feelings on the subject, Hawktalon more than likely felt far worse. But they were good enough for him, he swore. More than good enough, actually. He sighed loudly (not that any cat could hear, most of the Clan was asleep), and rested his chin on top of the slumbering medicine cat's head. Duncan had a lot of regrets in his life, that much was true. Not that he'd ever willingly admit some of them out loud, but still. If anything, he didn't regret becoming their mate. But, deep down, he wondered if they ever regretted loving him.
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Post by wadevvilson on Dec 17, 2017 19:00:23 GMT -5
Should really have posted these separately so everything's not as cluttered, but oh well. What do you guys think of the matter; should I upload everything individually, or just dump them all into one thread?
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