Basicly im bored and rewrote Ch.1 of a bad story
Nov 5, 2017 13:54:29 GMT -5
Headphone Actor and wadevvilson like this
Post by ApplesnapOfStormclan on Nov 5, 2017 13:54:29 GMT -5
This is from my first and only book, and after reading every bit of criticism and writing 4, even more, crap chapters.
Smokecloud forced herself and her swollen belly up the hill. The sun began to rise, and the clan has just begun to sleep. She, however, decided to watch and protect the clan one more day before becoming a queen. Her Gray, matted tail and back straightened up,and her paws were heavy with sleep. Late into the day a sly white cat seemed to peek out of the den. She instantly recognized him, it was Webwhisker, a senior warrior. She already knew what he was doing, checking on her. However, it was clear he wasn't worried about her safety. In facts most cats have done the opposite, even the medicine cat, Crookedtail, has been giving her cruel, evil looks ever since they discovered she was going to have kits.
The sun was high, and the spying cat seemed to have stopped. She felt like she was at her limit, the green-leaf heat wasn't so obvious when they all slept, but then she heard footsteps and the loud crunching of leaves. However, there was no scent, and if there was one, it mixed to well with the trees. She went to investigate, it could be a passing deer or loner, so no alarm was needed. Her aching paws felt like stones as she headed down the hill, where she saw a black tail rush past a shrub and up a tree. She didn't see much of the cat, despite it being Sun-high and She couldn't climb like some in her clan, plus with kits, she doesn't want to risk a fight in the trees, so she the mysterious figure on the ground, using the ruffling of leaves to keep up. the chase only lasted a few minutes before the queen was forced to give up, and headed back up to the top of the hill. She didn't want to admit that she lost an intruder, but she had decided reluctantly to report it.
Exhausted, her body ached now and her long hair wasn't accustomed to greenleaf's heat. Needless to say, she was miserable. As she climbed down the hill back into camp, instead of worry from her fellow clan, there were only glares of hate and suspicion. Webwhisker, Ashtuft, and the deputy, Emberblaze, rushed up to her, even though the sun had barely started to set.
“Where were you?” Emberblaze hissed. Smokecloud took a step back, stunned, but her eyes remained calm.
“There was a strange cat… so I-” She was cut off by Webwhisker.
“You left the camp unguarded!” His hiss made her pelt bristle with anger.
“I didn't even go 10 tail lengths from camp!” that was a lie, but she felt like she was being attacked. As if mocking her, Webwhisker mumbled something to Ashtuft, making the rage build up bit by bit. She would happily fight for her honor, but, it was sunset, and the soft moss bedding seemed to be worth more than fighting some stupid cats. It was time for her to become queen.
Smokecloud forced herself and her swollen belly up the hill. The sun began to rise, and the clan has just begun to sleep. She, however, decided to watch and protect the clan one more day before becoming a queen. Her Gray, matted tail and back straightened up,and her paws were heavy with sleep. Late into the day a sly white cat seemed to peek out of the den. She instantly recognized him, it was Webwhisker, a senior warrior. She already knew what he was doing, checking on her. However, it was clear he wasn't worried about her safety. In facts most cats have done the opposite, even the medicine cat, Crookedtail, has been giving her cruel, evil looks ever since they discovered she was going to have kits.
The sun was high, and the spying cat seemed to have stopped. She felt like she was at her limit, the green-leaf heat wasn't so obvious when they all slept, but then she heard footsteps and the loud crunching of leaves. However, there was no scent, and if there was one, it mixed to well with the trees. She went to investigate, it could be a passing deer or loner, so no alarm was needed. Her aching paws felt like stones as she headed down the hill, where she saw a black tail rush past a shrub and up a tree. She didn't see much of the cat, despite it being Sun-high and She couldn't climb like some in her clan, plus with kits, she doesn't want to risk a fight in the trees, so she the mysterious figure on the ground, using the ruffling of leaves to keep up. the chase only lasted a few minutes before the queen was forced to give up, and headed back up to the top of the hill. She didn't want to admit that she lost an intruder, but she had decided reluctantly to report it.
Exhausted, her body ached now and her long hair wasn't accustomed to greenleaf's heat. Needless to say, she was miserable. As she climbed down the hill back into camp, instead of worry from her fellow clan, there were only glares of hate and suspicion. Webwhisker, Ashtuft, and the deputy, Emberblaze, rushed up to her, even though the sun had barely started to set.
“Where were you?” Emberblaze hissed. Smokecloud took a step back, stunned, but her eyes remained calm.
“There was a strange cat… so I-” She was cut off by Webwhisker.
“You left the camp unguarded!” His hiss made her pelt bristle with anger.
“I didn't even go 10 tail lengths from camp!” that was a lie, but she felt like she was being attacked. As if mocking her, Webwhisker mumbled something to Ashtuft, making the rage build up bit by bit. She would happily fight for her honor, but, it was sunset, and the soft moss bedding seemed to be worth more than fighting some stupid cats. It was time for her to become queen.
