spottedlegswarrior
I am emo and I write emo poetry but I am also a hipster and wow I feel too much
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Post by spottedlegswarrior on Aug 11, 2016 19:38:10 GMT -5
"What are you doing here?" He asks me, clearly startled to see me. "I live here," I said bluntly. "Well," he gasps, running his hand through his hair, "I know that! I just- weren't you supposed to be out of town?" "Yeah, but Ben cancelled on me," I reply numbly. "Oh," he says. He came over and sat next to me at the table. I play with a piece of dead skin on my wrist from when I got sunburnt at the lake last week. Ben was there. He kept telling me that I should have worn sunscreen but I didn't listen to him. Whatever. He's an idiot anyway. Harry clears his throat and says, "So… uh, do you- are you- are you… okay?" "Yeah," I reply distantly. "Why wouldn't I be?" "Well, maybe because the vibes you're giving off are strictly non-okay vibes?" he says. "Are you sure?" "God, Pickles, I'm fine!" I exclaim, using his childhood nickname to get the point across. "I just want to eat cold mac 'n' cheese!" "What is it with you and cold mac 'n' cheese?!" he exclaims, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion about my love for cold food that should be warm. "It's cold like my dead heart," I joke, a smile bursting across my face. "You are so weird." "That's my goal in life and it looks like I have succeeded!" The silence has a relapse into our conversation and kills all sound except for the humming of the refrigerator and the whirring of the ceiling fan. "Can you turn off the light?" I ask Harry. "What? Why?" He asks. "I don't know. I like the dark better. The dark is more like a hug. It's just engulfs us and this city and the world," I explain. "I don't know. I just feel better when it's dark." Harry gets up with a sigh, his chair squeaking as he stands. "You know people are usually afraid of the dark, right?" "Obviously I'm not a usual person," I say as he flips the light switch off. Light streams into the kitchen from the back porch light that I forgot to turn off when I came home. Harry walks back to the table across the darkened landscape of our home. His feet make sticky sounds on the tiles as he makes the last couple of steps towards the chair. "Obviously you aren't," he agrees as he sits back down and scoots his chair forward with many loud screeches.
Idk how is this? Do you think it's good or nah? I just kinda did this off the top of my head
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Post by Brownie on Aug 11, 2016 20:38:09 GMT -5
I like it. The characters are realistic, they have personalities. The only thing I might critique is how the dialogue outweighs the rest by a lot, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's fits your style well.
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