Razz
I WANT TO BE A VET DAMNIT
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Post by Razz on Aug 11, 2016 17:21:21 GMT -5
Hello everybody, my name is Razz. I was once known as Raspberrywhisker Medicine Cat of RiverCl, but that time is long, long past. That was... er... like 4 years ago now. Let's all ignore how terrible I was at coming up with screennames! In any case, I've never had a den before, but new forums, new plans. Down below here is a section about me, my friends, my likes and dislikes, and my work in general. In a post below that, I hope to have an intricate post dedicated to my pets and charges. My hope is that with this, you guys get to know me a bit better. Maybe I'll make some new friends, meet some new people. Perhaps someone else will want to fangirl over one thing or another with me. In any case, I will see you guys (hopefully!) in the sections below! Bye for now! |
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Razz
I WANT TO BE A VET DAMNIT
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Post by Razz on Aug 11, 2016 22:53:12 GMT -5
So as I said above, the name I go by on the internet is Razz. I really don't care what you guys decide to call me, though it might take me a bit to remember that whatever the new nickname is means me. I've been called Razzmatazz, Razzy, Razzle Dazzle, and a few others, but again, that's up to you guys. IRL, I am a young teen just entering high school. I'm a girl. Picture a medium sized, 5'5", dirty blond girl with very dark blue eyes, if you will. I'm a basketball and soccer player, not the best with offense, but one of the strongest defenders. Personality wise, I am a huge nerd. I love reading, and writing, and sketching, and I'm very intelligent about academics. However, I'm terrible at being social with people, most saying that I'm really abrasive and intimidating. I do hold an air about myself that tells people that I won't tolerate people insulting me or my friends. That being said, I don't have any inhibitions about gender, sexuality, or anything along those lines. I'm friends with plenty of people from all across the board, and to be honest, I don't see why it makes any difference what gender you are, or what people you are attracted to. In my opinion, it's the person that matters, not the labels. In any case, I also deal with people that have mental illnesses a lot, and handle them myself. According to my counselor, I display depression like symptoms a lot, and probably have a mild to moderate form of it. I might not be a certified counselor, but I will try my best to help you if you want to talk about anything, ever. In addition to that, I raise chickens, and have plenty of cats. I even rescued a mouse a month or two ago. I aspire to be a vet. I want to go to UC Davis after I get a degree in Biotechnology. My hopes are to work in a 24 Hour Emergency Veterinary Clinic. 
On these forms, my closest friends are pretty limited. Below here will be a list of people that I consider my friends, or at least people I like and enjoy talking to. I should make a note next to each saying who they are to me, and my past with them.
1. Sappho - You probably know her as Tufttail. Grace has been my friend since I was nine years old, and is one of my closest friends, IRL and online. I've never met her, but I consider her one of my best friends. She's a brilliant person, and a great artist.
2. Vivtsya - Viv is one of my new, but close, friends. We share a lot of interests, and she is an engaging person to talk to, on and off the forums. I'm glad to say that she is someone I consider a friend.
3. Ryse - I roleplayed with Ryse awhile ago, and have kept up spastic contact. I do consider them a great friend, though.
4. Nightpelt - I don't think that she's transferring to these forums, but she deserves the commemoration. Like Grace, Night was one of my first forum friends. I see her as one of my great friends, just like Grace.
5. Spot - I don't remember her original screenname any longer, but Spotty was one of the same people who met me when I was super young. I lost contact with her awhile ago, but she was a brilliant friend.
6. Cas - Cas owns Freedom Wings, and in addition to ordering layouts, I've talked with Cas a fair bit. I find that I really do like her, and consider her someone that I like and would probably be friends with IRL.
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I'm probably forgetting people, so slap me if I forgot to mention you! 
Songs - Literally just songs that I particularly like
Ophelia by The Lumineers
Unity by TheFatRat
Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish
Renegade - SharaX
Knife Called Lust - Hollywood Undead
Car Radio - Twenty One Pilots
This is Gospel - Panic! At the Disco
The Call - Regina Spektor
Blue Lips - Regina Spektor
Faded - Alan Walker
Unravel English Cover - JubyPhonic
Dirty Paws - Of Monsters and Men
Buy the Stars - Mariana and the Diamonds
Shilouette - Owl City
Masterpiece Theatere 3 - Mariana's Trench
Artists (Music or Otherwise) - Artists that I overall like
Hollywood Undead
TheFatRat
Twenty One Pilots
Panic! At the Disco
SharaX
JubyPhonic
MandoPony
Of Monsters and Men
Owl City
Imagine Dragons
In This Moment
Mariana's Trench
Konoria (Tumblr)
ThatBonnieTho (Tumblr)
Some-Matsu-Fan (Tumblr)
Books - My favorite books
Rose in a Storm by Jon Katz
The Art of Racing in the Rain - Garth Stein
Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Graceling Realms - Kristin Cashore
The Fire Within Series - Chris d'Lacey
Quotes - Best quotes I've heard or seen recently
People - People I find awesome/cool
Markipler - Mark Fischbach
Jacksepticeye - Sean McLoughlin
Danisnotonfire - Dan Howell
AmazingPhil - Philip Lester
Johnny Three Tears - From Hollywood Undead
TV Shows/Movies - Movies and TV shows that I really like
Bones
House M.D.
Sword Art Online
Limitless
Jurassic World
Shadowhunters
Studio Ghibli Movies
Characters - Characters that I hold in high opinion
Konno Yuuki from Sword Art Online
Howl Jenkins from Howl's Moving Castle
Haku from Spirited Away
No Face from Spirited Away
Calcifer from Howl's Moving Castle
Jiji from Kiki's Delivery Service
Prince Lune - The Cat Returns
Sosuke - Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea
Ame - Wolf Children
Yuki - Wolf Children
San - Princess Mononoke
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Razz
I WANT TO BE A VET DAMNIT
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Post by Razz on Aug 11, 2016 22:53:23 GMT -5
Save 2 
Soon enough I will have a compiled list of my work, be it writing, sketching, or a roleplay. For now, I'll just list off the things that will be added her for sure.
Writing -
Skewed: A Zombie Apocalypse AU that I wrote with myself and friends, a WIP story that I want advice and suggestions with at all points.
Grimm: A Warrior Cats Fanfiction focused around Ashblaze, a warrior with a traitor for a father, and a terrible choice between clan and blood.
Bloom: A short story for a contest based upon the Soulmate Color AU. Written about Azure Smith, and his struggle with love.
Drawings -
None yet, but soon I will have some Song Based Requests up here.
Clans -
TunnelClan is in the planning process. 
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Razz
I WANT TO BE A VET DAMNIT
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Post by Razz on Aug 11, 2016 22:53:36 GMT -5
We're getting a layout soon, but it's not quite ready yet. Currently, I'm really just gonna store my pictures of my many animals here so that when the layout is finished, it's easy to transfer them onto it. Meanwhile, Enjoy pictures of pets!  Lizzie  Boca  Angry Broody Blu  Tenebris  The Boy Band (Phyllis, Miracle, Clarus)  Emma  Toby That's all for now! |
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Post by Jas on Aug 12, 2016 19:46:11 GMT -5
Ah, I'm a friend <3 ;u; This den is lovely and the layout is beautiful! I really love what they did with the transparency of boxes and stuff.
Also I actually have gone a toured UC Davis, even considered going there cx It's a really beautiful campus! I would've very much enjoyed living om that campus. The atmosphere is so welcoming and people there were all so friendly and helpful.
I ended up choosing a different route. Though, if I had continued with the veterinary field, that definitely would've been my top choice.
I think if you stick with your goals and do end up there some day, you will really love it ;u; I have a friend also hoping to become a vet and let me tell you, the internships you get to do are so amazing! Once of the choices she had for an internship involved living off-campus on a farm for free. She would need to drive to campus for classes, but the rest of her time would be spent caring for the animals there. She would be able to get hands-on experience helping vets care for animals and check up on animals at the farm.
I am kind of jealous. I wish I could have stuck with becoming a vet sometimes cx
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Razz
I WANT TO BE A VET DAMNIT
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Post by Razz on Aug 12, 2016 21:20:02 GMT -5
Of course you are, Cas! Lol, you're one of the few people who talk to me, XD
And it's really beautiful there. That sounds absolutely brilliant, tbh. Working with things like that would be my absolute dream. I shadow an emergency vet on Tuesdays, but living on a farm would just be amazing.
And if it wasn't your passion at the time, I'm sure that you probably wouldn't have enjoyed it as much as you'd like. I don't do very well with people, and working with animals is my passion, which is why being a vet fits me so well. Not to mention that I'm really calm with blood and stuff, and anatomy really interests me.
And thank you for the kind words, really! It's nice to have support here and there from people who aren't obligated to say it.
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Post by Jas on Aug 16, 2016 1:16:30 GMT -5
I dunno. I dunno what to say.
I've been having a terrible time since my dog started having health issues. It's been confirmed recently that he has cancer. But no one can do anything about it. Because of his preexisting conditions and the tumor in his brain surgery and medication are not options so...
Today was really bad because my former SO messaged me out of nowhere saying he had a panic attack because he thought "such an amazing person" was going to be out of his life forever. (which was his decision? not mine? so **** off?) But of course I'm like well, that isn't really what I want either.
He can't "pull the sheet (I) hate over (his) shoulders without feeling broken now." He doesn't want to stop talking to me. He doesn't want to be just my friend. And he wants me to be in his life and he wants to hold onto the hope that we will be together again some day. He doesn't want to get back together though.
???????????
I asked him what he wanted me to do and it was just a bunch of "I don't know."
So I'm just left with this guy basically asking me to be single until I move to wherever he is. In the meantime, he can't even speak to me though. And he can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants.
I'm just so angry and sad.
I just want him to comfort me about my dying dog and wait for me to move in with him in December. But he won't. So I feel like I need to move on to someone that will care about me how I deserve. But I feel so guilty about it.
So I don't know.
I'm just in a daze.
I was ready to spend my life with this guy but then he's suddenly like "4 and a half months is too long, bye."
rip my heart.
I wish my dog could live forever. He's literally the only thing in my life that's always been there when I have nothing else. He's been with me through the death of my first cat, the loss of a few really good friends, heartbreaks, the loss of my aunt, the loss of my second cat, my whole family moving 8+ hours away, and the loss of my great grandma. But he won't be able to be here for the loss of himself.
I really want to get a tattoo of his paw prints somewhere on me so he will be a part of me forever. Maybe that will give me more comfort over this whole thing. I love this dog so much. I've had him for almost 14 years of my life. That's over half of my life time.
Literally this dog has been more comfort to me than my own family. He's everything to me. And it's so heartbreaking that I might not even get to say good bye to him. He might have to be put to sleep while I'm busy with university. I'm so sad. I want to be able to pet him and tell him I love him and hug him until the very end even though I'll be crying my eyes out the whole time.
Man, life is rough. </3 My poor doggy. :c
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Razz
I WANT TO BE A VET DAMNIT
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Post by Razz on Aug 16, 2016 9:01:42 GMT -5
That's overall crappy. I will say now just as an alert that I'm really bad at coming off sympathetic at all to anyone, because my brain kind of just runs into logic mode, but I really do feel for you. I can't say that I know what you're going through, because if I'm being honest, no one is going to know exactly everything that you are going through. I can at least partially understand what it feels like to have a dog be reaching the point of ending, and how hard it is.
Seeing that on top of a bunch of other things, I know that it must really suck. A lot. What I can say is that if this guy isn't willing to wait for you, then he isn't worth it. I know that it's probably super hard to contemplate letting go, especially with him acting how he is, but it's like jumping off a rock. There's water to catch you at the bottom, you just gotta go forwards. Move on, and that water will catch you.
The next thing is about your dog. They're older, right? 14 or so? And what type of dog?
I can tell you that I was raised alongside a dog who is now beginning to go downhill pretty quickly, and she lives with my aunts, in another state. It's really, really hard to let go at first, but one of the best things you can do is take something of hers, and keep it somewhere safe. Sometimes that helps. Her favorite toy, a lock of her fur, something like that. If you keep it safe until you're ready to say goodbye, then you can take that and bury it to signify the letting go. Sometimes that helps.
Other than that, just try to keep in your mind that they've had a brilliant life with you, Cas. They love you, and if you love them as much as you seem to, that dog was happy. And a happy dog had a good life.
Like I said, I'm pretty crappy at the comforting thing, but that's my little spiel about what I think could be helpful. I don't know much about the guy being how he is, other then that he is doing it and it's causing you trouble. I've never dated anyone, just never had sparks with anyone yet. So that one is just what I know from helping others. I really hope that it perks up soon, Cas. Until then, hopefully you'll find something to help alleviate all of the stress.
If you need to rant or just talk, let me know.
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Post by Jas on Aug 16, 2016 13:53:36 GMT -5
I appreciate your perspective and I agree. I just... Letting go really sucks because we had so much laid out. But logically and realistically, I know I can't spend the next few months just waiting around for him. I know there are other people out there and a few have already showed interest. It's not like I'll never be with anyone again. It just really sucks that this happened.
I love my dog much. I have his really old collar. I drew all over it and wrote his name on it haha. He doesn't really have much else. Maybe I'll keep one of his blankets too. Also, that whole ritualistic burying thing is something my teacher last semester kept bringing up. Apparently it can help with a myriad of emotional issues. She's a strong advocate for finding some symbol from a nightmare and burying it to "let go" and, in turn, make the nightmare stop returning. I think that's actually some really good advice to be honest with you.
It's just so sad that dogs have to die. I wish I had another pet to kinda spend my time worrying over cx It helped to have my dog there to worry over every time something else happened.
Also you aren't really bad at comforting?? That actually helped a lot and I feel a bit better. I think I just needed to hear someone else tell me what I knew but wasn't 100% certain was the right choice. It just needed that confirmation that my thoughts were right.
Thank you so much, Razz <3
How are things for you?
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Razz
I WANT TO BE A VET DAMNIT
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Post by Razz on Aug 16, 2016 20:48:41 GMT -5
Emotions suck, a ton. It's always hard when you know that something is correct with your mind, but your heart is fighting the other way. It's never fun. If something happens, and you just want to rant, go ahead. I will listen and try to relate if I can. It'll make you stronger, and more aware now that it has happened, so just hold onto the fact that once you're pieced back together, you will be more strong than ever.
Really? XD, I didn't realize that it was a thing. It's just something that I've suggested to others who lost close pets. I've never been able to do it with any of my own demons, because they're things you don't have a piece of to bury. I just piece myself around it, and then lock it away. Letting go is much better, let me tell ya. You'll get through it.
And yeah, that is terribly true. I got through the death of my cat, who I'd had since birth, because my much older cat needed a ton of help during that time. He's 20 now, and I spend a ton of time doting on him just to keep busy. It really does help, it seems.
Lol, yes I am. I'm just good at bringing things to focus, I guess. I tend to have the same views as people on things, and can confirm their validity, or I can understand, if only a bit, and that seems to help. I'm glad that I helped you though, it's always validating and a feeling of happiness if I can help anyone at all. I think that I'm about 50/50 usually, because some of my friends want sympathy, and I'm really bad at it. And you are one hundred percent welcome, Cas.
I'm alright, overall. I ride the line between OK and not pretty much every day. I had a few really [ profanity is not allowed on the forums, please review the rules and be careful when posting! ] events happen to me in the past year, and I'm still kind of in the process of getting myself back into a functioning human being. I'm mostly there, but then something or another will bring back a memory, and I get messed up again. School helps, and my pets help. Talking to people about their problems also helps, because it means that I'm not alone, you know?
I spent today working with the vet, and it really helped take my mind off of stuff. That's always something that I need.
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Post by Jas on Aug 17, 2016 17:25:48 GMT -5
I think I'm feeling better today. I'm not as conflicted about things. One of my friends has been going above what a friend should be in these situations. I mean... I dunno it's weird. We have a weird friendship. I've always been the person that sits with him until he feels better so I guess it makes sense that he'd be so willing to do the same for me. I just feel a little awkward sometimes when I accept the kindness he offers because?? Usually I'm the kind one in all of my friendships. I never expect it to be returned.
Yeah, it totally is! ^^" I haven't done much with it, but I can see the value of such a ritual. I'm sure it dates way back though. Old religions and cultures where the natives bury things as sacrifices, cleansing, etc. You know what I mean? I'm not sure what I'm trying to say lol. Also, I feel you. I hold onto everything - especially grudges rip. I find it sooooo hard to forgive people that hurt me.
That's really sweet. My grandpa had a cat when he was younger that lived to be 23! Your cat is getting up there ;u; Animals don't really say thank you or anything, but taking care of them kind of gives the same feeling as helping someone else and getting "thank yous" for doing so.
I don't know, I feel like you showed sympathy in this case. However, I sometimes find it difficult to just "be there" without giving people advice, you know? I always want to offer them solutions to problems and when they don't want any solution. I just kind of awkwardly sit there like ???????i'msosorryomg. But I acted as a counselor to a girl last semester and that was a really wonderful experience. Having so much empathy for what she was going through and being able to see how much better she felt after talking to me for just an hour was such a profound experience. But oh man, I admired her way too much xD It's going to be a learning experience if I ever have to counsel someone in a field where they help others.
One of my professors was talking about this firefighter she counsels and how much she grew to admire him for what he went through and how many lives he saved. And I just... Can you imagine knowing someone like that? Listening to their stories and memories? It'd be so amazing.
Ah, I understand what you mean. Sometimes it's really hard to stay okay when your brain just keeps bringing those moments right back to your attention. It's like "thank you for making me experience these emotions all over again just when I was beginning to feel alright."
You're always welcome to talk to me about anything you have going on. I know you're used to keeping things to yourself and that's totally fine, but just remember the offer is there! The door is always open~
Aww, that sounds super cool! What do you do at the vet's office?
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