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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 17:39:59 GMT -5
Uh, hi I'm gay (Pansexual, to be exact. b/c I know one of you will go "uhh if ur gay y did u date a guy") and am trying to get into a relationship with a girl I know I currently have two crushes, but they're on girls that aren't important to this situation
I recently got out of a relationship with "Guy". One day after I left Guy my ex, "Buddy", messaged me. Buddy and I were together for three years and I was his first everything. I figured that, yeah, I'd always have a spot in his heart. He seemed pretty happy with his new girlfriend last time we talked (which was about 5 months prior to all this).
Buddy and I have been talking and it's nice. We're friends still and can get along really well. But UH. Last night we were talking about going out sometime for lunch or whatever. Not a date, just a hang out thing. The conversation turned to him telling me that he still had dreams about me and would have me on his mind even when he woke up beside his girlfriend. I wasn't upset or anything, but I felt like it disappointed him when I couldn't really say much besides "PFFFT. I MEAN... all I dream about is video game characters at this point. That and my pets."
Another thing that I want to mention about Buddy and I is that we're both into the same video games. We mutually play three games that I know the lore inside and out and have played a lot. World of Warcraft is what we bonded over in the first place, actually. I feel like that could be something that would make him gravitate towards me more because his girlfriend doesn't play games, at least not the main ones he's into. Gaming was/is a big part of who he is.
One final thing is that he isn't telling his girlfriend that he's started talking to me again.
Should I go out with him eventually (He said he wanted to work through things with his girlfriend before asking about taking me somewhere. Y I K E S) or just leave it as a long distance friendship? We live in the same town so.. like.. it wouldn't be a big ordeal to go somewhere together. Idk I feel like with the way he's talking I'm going to accidentally get him more interested in myself than her and I don't want that because I don't want him. I want to be with the first girl I mentioned and have no interest in any of my exs atm
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Post by mango on Aug 27, 2017 19:23:58 GMT -5
tell him, please, honestly how you feel. you both need to be clear about your intentions. trust me it sucks to lead someone on and have them believe you want them to the point where things go opposite to what you've planned. it especially hurts them, more than words can describe.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2017 23:52:03 GMT -5
i mean im not............ leading him on im asking about opinions on how close I should get to him
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Post by Turin not Torino on Aug 27, 2017 23:53:08 GMT -5
It sounds like he's already pretty interested in you, but feels loyalty to his current gf. Did he know you and Guy broke up when he texted you a day later, or was the timing a coincidence? Being his first everything, and having been together as long as you were, you definitely hold a special place in his heart. I don't see why you can't be friends, or even grab lunch together, as long as he clearly understands you are not into him that way, and he needs to be told that bluntly, so there's no room in his mind for maybes and what ifs. As far as his gf goes, if he's with her but into you, he's not doing her any favors by staying with her. Whether you interact with him face to face or at a distance won't change that, the fact would still be that she's not his #1, and she deserves better than that. As far as the girl you want to be with, you don't mention if she is into you as well or not, but if you keep talking about and pursuing her, it would also show Buddy that your interests don't lie with him.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2017 0:00:27 GMT -5
It sounds like he's already pretty interested in you, but feels loyalty to his current gf. Did he know you and Guy broke up when he texted you a day later, or was the timing a coincidence? Being his first everything, and having been together as long as you were, you definitely hold a special place in his heart. I don't see why you can't be friends, or even grab lunch together, as long as he clearly understands you are not into him that way, and he needs to be told that bluntly, so there's no room in his mind for maybes and what ifs. As far as his gf goes, if he's with her but into you, he's not doing her any favors by staying with her. Whether you interact with him face to face or at a distance won't change that, the fact would still be that she's not his #1, and she deserves better than that. As far as the girl you want to be with, you don't mention if she is into you as well or not, but if you keep talking about and pursuing her, it would also show Buddy that your interests don't lie with him. Okay true! I like what you said a lot, actually. The timing was a coincidence, but a really strange one. Guy and Buddy have no idea who each other are, so it's just really strange timing lol. Good point. I am a bit timid when it comes to letting people down but you're right about me needing to be blunt. I'll be sure to get the message across next time something of the sort comes up. Also glad you mentioned that bit about his girlfriend because for a little bit I have felt like it's my fault. You're right, though. I can't control his loyalty. She does like me back and I'm glad you mentioned her. Now I can make a mental note of showing him the birthday gift I'm getting her and tossing in little bits about what she and I do just to make sure he remembers that she is who I'm after.
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Post by Saint Ambrosef on Aug 28, 2017 0:11:04 GMT -5
girl you need to be upfront immediately with him. dancing around the issue and not telling his gf is not going to end well no matter what direction it goes. that's also shady.
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Post by Turin not Torino on Aug 28, 2017 0:18:03 GMT -5
It sounds like he's already pretty interested in you, but feels loyalty to his current gf. Did he know you and Guy broke up when he texted you a day later, or was the timing a coincidence? Being his first everything, and having been together as long as you were, you definitely hold a special place in his heart. I don't see why you can't be friends, or even grab lunch together, as long as he clearly understands you are not into him that way, and he needs to be told that bluntly, so there's no room in his mind for maybes and what ifs. As far as his gf goes, if he's with her but into you, he's not doing her any favors by staying with her. Whether you interact with him face to face or at a distance won't change that, the fact would still be that she's not his #1, and she deserves better than that. As far as the girl you want to be with, you don't mention if she is into you as well or not, but if you keep talking about and pursuing her, it would also show Buddy that your interests don't lie with him. Okay true! I like what you said a lot, actually. The timing was a coincidence, but a really strange one. Guy and Buddy have no idea who each other are, so it's just really strange timing lol. Good point. I am a bit timid when it comes to letting people down but you're right about me needing to be blunt. I'll be sure to get the message across next time something of the sort comes up. Also glad you mentioned that bit about his girlfriend because for a little bit I have felt like it's my fault. You're right, though. I can't control his loyalty. She does like me back and I'm glad you mentioned her. Now I can make a mental note of showing him the birthday gift I'm getting her and tossing in little bits about what she and I do just to make sure he remembers that she is who I'm after. You're definitely not at fault for their troubles, his feelings are his alone, he can't force himself to like her more and you less, it's just how he feels. Talking to him about the girl you like drives home the friendship aspect, because naturally you talk to your friends about who you like, and if he starts to get testy about it, then you'll know he can't separate his feelings towards you from his friendship with you, and at that point you might want to distance yourself. If he can work things out with his gf, and can truly make her the one he wants, all the better for everyone. He's got to be honest with himself though.
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Post by Turin not Torino on Aug 28, 2017 0:25:51 GMT -5
Shad brings up a good point too, if he's lying to her about talking to you, that shows he has feelings he's trying to hide from her, and that's back to her not being his #1, which she deserves to know. I do have contact with a couple of my exes, but my husband knows about all of it, which is what makes it work. There should be no lies and sneaking around in a relationship, and again, that's on him, not you.
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