Post by ❴ ғα∂ιηg ✦ яεαℓιтү ❵ on Aug 25, 2017 19:57:34 GMT -5
its another one of these stupid threads I make about how crappy my life is and how I want to die,,,
tw: suicide and abuse
so last weekend on friday i had asked my mom to hangout with a friend over text and then about 20 minutes later i sent another one saying how i knew she was at work and sorry to bother her and that I'd appreciate a response when she could get back to me and like I thought I was being nice and considerate and I get this big long text back about how I'm being impatient and needy and like fine w/e thats what I get for trying to make our relationship work, I know better
well anyways, when she gets home I keep my distance at first but then come down because i had left some homework downstairs and the first thing out of her mouth is "you're such a {female dog} you know" and I just kinda grab my papers and try to head upstairs but she blocks me and continues on saying "I should have aborted you" and talks about how she can't wait til my 18th birthday so she can kick me out, also if you recall an old vent I had mentioned how she called me a subhuman, she went into depth about how I was one this time, then when I try to squeeze by her she hits me and I start to run upstairs and into my room, where I can't lock the door because of something that happened last thursday
and that was I had come downstairs to get some leftovers from Wednesday I had taken home from eating out with a friend,noticed it was gone, and asked who ate it in a irritated tone, well my dad (who clearly was the one who did) came over and told me to shut up and threw me to the ground, and said "you're was lucky I dont do more to you like I want to" so I go up to my room and lock the door hoping he'll calm down, and he follows me up and takes the door and pushes into it so that my door frame and lock break, and started to yell at me more, but didnt do anything else
back to Friday night, they leave to go out to eat and I stay home, I went and grabbed 500 mg of nortrypline from my moms nightstand and took them, right after I toom them I messaged Noah ( w started talking again recently) saying I loved him and that it wasn't his fault (we had gotten into a fight earlier that day and I needed to make sure he didnt blame himself) and we talked until I blacked out, I was out for over a day, woke up Sunday around 9ish a.m. and messaged him saying i was alive (which I was very unhappy to be and still am) and he went off on me saying that I shouldn't do that to him and that was the exact reason he left and didnt want to talk to me again and I tried telling him he was being unreasonable as it wasn't about him this time nor was it the other time and he said good bye and that he'd talk to me in a week
so I've been pretty screwed up all week, and I'm just at a breaking point right now because I was up at five acres which is basically my favorite place (I feel so much more confident and happier there than anywhere else) and this new volunteer was saying some things that really struck a cord with me
she was saying how shed fake being sexually assualted and abused so that she had an excuse for when guys came wanting to do "stuff" and as someone who hasbeen sexually assaulted I felt like I was going to throw up and was really shakey left early and have been crying in my bedroom for the past two hours because of it among the rest of the things and I just needed to get this all out, if you dont know what to ssay dont feel like you need to respond, I just want someone to hear me so if you read it and dont know what to say just like this so I know at least someone cares to listen
tw: suicide and abuse
so last weekend on friday i had asked my mom to hangout with a friend over text and then about 20 minutes later i sent another one saying how i knew she was at work and sorry to bother her and that I'd appreciate a response when she could get back to me and like I thought I was being nice and considerate and I get this big long text back about how I'm being impatient and needy and like fine w/e thats what I get for trying to make our relationship work, I know better
well anyways, when she gets home I keep my distance at first but then come down because i had left some homework downstairs and the first thing out of her mouth is "you're such a {female dog} you know" and I just kinda grab my papers and try to head upstairs but she blocks me and continues on saying "I should have aborted you" and talks about how she can't wait til my 18th birthday so she can kick me out, also if you recall an old vent I had mentioned how she called me a subhuman, she went into depth about how I was one this time, then when I try to squeeze by her she hits me and I start to run upstairs and into my room, where I can't lock the door because of something that happened last thursday
and that was I had come downstairs to get some leftovers from Wednesday I had taken home from eating out with a friend,noticed it was gone, and asked who ate it in a irritated tone, well my dad (who clearly was the one who did) came over and told me to shut up and threw me to the ground, and said "you're was lucky I dont do more to you like I want to" so I go up to my room and lock the door hoping he'll calm down, and he follows me up and takes the door and pushes into it so that my door frame and lock break, and started to yell at me more, but didnt do anything else
back to Friday night, they leave to go out to eat and I stay home, I went and grabbed 500 mg of nortrypline from my moms nightstand and took them, right after I toom them I messaged Noah ( w started talking again recently) saying I loved him and that it wasn't his fault (we had gotten into a fight earlier that day and I needed to make sure he didnt blame himself) and we talked until I blacked out, I was out for over a day, woke up Sunday around 9ish a.m. and messaged him saying i was alive (which I was very unhappy to be and still am) and he went off on me saying that I shouldn't do that to him and that was the exact reason he left and didnt want to talk to me again and I tried telling him he was being unreasonable as it wasn't about him this time nor was it the other time and he said good bye and that he'd talk to me in a week
so I've been pretty screwed up all week, and I'm just at a breaking point right now because I was up at five acres which is basically my favorite place (I feel so much more confident and happier there than anywhere else) and this new volunteer was saying some things that really struck a cord with me
she was saying how shed fake being sexually assualted and abused so that she had an excuse for when guys came wanting to do "stuff" and as someone who hasbeen sexually assaulted I felt like I was going to throw up and was really shakey left early and have been crying in my bedroom for the past two hours because of it among the rest of the things and I just needed to get this all out, if you dont know what to ssay dont feel like you need to respond, I just want someone to hear me so if you read it and dont know what to say just like this so I know at least someone cares to listen