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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 11:21:09 GMT -5
when you feel like you've accidentally made people think you're smart when you're really an idiot that has no idea how to handle basic things like organization and emotion and you know you are going to crash and burn at any second and you try to convince people this but they don't believe you and you almost feel like you WANT to fail just to prove to them you're nothing and that they really shouldn't care because you feel like you're nothing but an imposter
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 11:43:12 GMT -5
and eventually the imposter feeling makes you question your reality like am I really felling anxious? or am I pulling some sick joke on myself? am I really depressed or am i just making it up? is this really grieving or am I some sort of psycho? and you slowly wonder if you have any "real" emotion or thoughts at all
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Post by Redfleck on Jul 31, 2017 17:13:26 GMT -5
Sounds like symptoms of gaslighting.
I want you to know that, if you're not a bot, then you're definitely human. You have real emotions, real thoughts, and real motivations. Just because everyone else thinks your emotions aren't valid, doesn't make it invalid. I mean, half the American population voted for Trump but that doesn't validate him as a competent President. If you're struggling, then you're struggling. If your mental health is hitting an all-time-low, then that's what's happening.
I feel like the people around you are....dehumanizing you? If they're actually brushing you away when you try to tell them about who you are and what's going on....like....that's an issue....
Just want you to know that this stuff is totally relatable. Like, practically every facial expression I make is either faked or done out of habit. I unconsciously put on masks in front of my friends and strangers to make myself look confident and better than everyone else. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even human. *sighs* It's a sad existence, but recently I've been making the best jokes involving self-deprecation, violence, politics, and other stuff. You could start doing that, too. Then people don't think you're serious, and it's a good way to vent inconspicuously to your friends.
Honestly though, if you're really struggling then don't stop trying to tell people about what's actually going on. Mental health is very important. I've had friends who've gone to the hospital because of how stress and other things slowly wore down their mental health.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 21:04:01 GMT -5
Sounds like symptoms of gaslighting. I want you to know that, if you're not a bot, then you're definitely human. You have real emotions, real thoughts, and real motivations. Just because everyone else thinks your emotions aren't valid, doesn't make it invalid. I mean, half the American population voted for Trump but that doesn't validate him as a competent President. If you're struggling, then you're struggling. If your mental health is hitting an all-time-low, then that's what's happening. I feel like the people around you are....dehumanizing you? If they're actually brushing you away when you try to tell them about who you are and what's going on....like....that's an issue.... Just want you to know that this stuff is totally relatable. Like, practically every facial expression I make is either faked or done out of habit. I unconsciously put on masks in front of my friends and strangers to make myself look confident and better than everyone else. Sometimes I wonder if I'm even human. *sighs* It's a sad existence, but recently I've been making the best jokes involving self-deprecation, violence, politics, and other stuff. You could start doing that, too. Then people don't think you're serious, and it's a good way to vent inconspicuously to your friends. Honestly though, if you're really struggling then don't stop trying to tell people about what's actually going on. Mental health is very important. I've had friends who've gone to the hospital because of how stress and other things slowly wore down their mental health. People around me are fine really. I've long given up telling them though- the schools and administrations here pounce on you the second you admit you have a low self esteem and do nothing but exaggerate everything you say to everyone and act like you're being abused or some crap. Or they brush you off and never help you- you get used to that after a while though, because that's how the world is. Most of my issues I never tell anyway, I feel it makes me too vulnerable. The issue I have isn't always putting on masks. It's never knowing when I'm wearing a mask, if I am wearing one, and when I'm not. I can't tell the difference between my machinations and my emotions. It's confusing and terrifying because I don't know who I am. That's the reason I have such a dark humor- it's because that's how I voice my problems. If I present it as a comedy, nobody believes me. It's a nice veil. Besides, I am meant to be the comic relief among my friends and nothing more, so by this point it's the only way lmao Its not the worst I've been though, not at all. I just tough these things out and hide them to myself, because that's the mature way to deal with it, and as I said in the original post I hate it when people worry about me
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