Post by Jackalstep on Aug 9, 2016 13:37:55 GMT -5
Before you die, I want to tell you about my fort, my secret place.
I found it when I was an apprentice and I was angry at my mentor and I ran away. In a far corner of our territory where nobody ever really goes, right where the ravine ends, there is an old dead tree with only the thickest branches left and no leaves at all. There is a great big hollow if you climb up a little bit and that is where I like to hide. There are also holes under the roots which are fun to play in and you can pretend that badgers live there. It was the perfect spot for a fort, a secret place.
I called it my fort because I thought of all sorts of things I could build to make it more protected. Whenever I had a chance I would go and work on my fort. Soon it became perfect to me but I still worked on it because it was fun to have a fort, a secret place.
Nobody ever found out about it. I never told anyone where it was, not my littermates or my parents or my mentor or even your father. If he had asked I would have told him because I love him, but he knew it was special to me so he never asked. That is why my fort is called my secret place.
When you were still growing in my belly I found a thing that smelled like it had tasty food in it and I went into it to get at the food. There was food but then there was a loud clanging sound and I was trapped. Then the Twolegs came and took me away and squeezed me and prodded me and stuck sharp things in me, and oh how I wished I could flee to my fort, my secret place.
I would much rather that you were born in that old hollow tree than in the Twolegplace but there was no choice. I was taken away from the place where I was poked and we lived in a Twoleg nest that was comfortable but not home. When you were strong enough to travel I picked you up in my mouth and ran away from the Twolegs, wanting so much to get back to the Clan and my fort, my secret place.
Do you remember coming to the camp for the first time and seeing your father? He was so happy to see us safe and he loved you right when he saw you because he knew you belonged to both of us. Your father was scared of losing us again so I couldn't leave camp till you became an apprentice. Even though I knew staying in camp made your father feel better I missed my fort, my secret place.
I could have gone to see the lonely but happy spot where the ravine ended and nobody went when you became an apprentice, except I didn't dare go. My mother was sick and so was my sister. My brother had died before I was taken by the Twolegs, and to let myself grieve in that time I went to my fort, my secret place.
You were busy being an apprentice and you didn't understand why I was so scared about my mother and sister. Now you probably do and I wish you didn't. My mother and sister died of the sickness and then my father did too. Next came your father and if it could have kept him from getting sick I would have taken him to my fort, my secret place.
He was too ill to move and when he died I wanted to run and hide in the hollow in the old dead tree but I couldn't leave you. I promise I will never leave you, even if all the Clan dies before you do I will never abandon you to die alone. You are my only family now and that is the one thing lacking in my fort, my secret place.
When I was an apprentice and even a young warrior I would go there whenever I was sad or angry or even joyful sometimes. I went there when my brother died and in the old, dead wood of the tree I felt like he was still there. Maybe it is silly to think like that since he is in the stars and not in a tree but truly I felt like my brother was in my fort, my secret place.
If you die before the rest of the Clan I will probably go there even though I am the only cat fit to hunt anymore. I am sorry to tell you this and it breaks my heart to hear myself say it but I know that nothing can stop the Clan from dying around me. I will be the last one left, all alone in my fort, my secret place.
I know I never showed anyone where it is before but if you weren't sick and dying I would take you there because you are all I have left. I love you so much and I would take your place if I could. But oh, my dear kit, I am powerless and so I will go to my fort, my secret place.
I hope there is something like it in StarClan so you can see what I mean. When I lie in the hollow in the tree I can hear the birds singing and I can smell the rotting leaves that have gathered in the hollow and I can see a little black beetle crawling across the wood in front of my nose. There is nothing so peaceful that I know of as falling asleep curled up in my fort, my secret place.
Your breathing grows harder and harder and I can see the pain in your eyes. Just listen to what I say and maybe you won't have to think about the pain as much. This is all I can do to help you even though I would give up anything to help you more. If it would save you I would even give up my fort, my secret place.
Just a little longer, my dear kit. Look into my eyes as I tell you I love you. Look into my eyes and I will tell you again about my fort, my secret place.
Author's notes: Writing is a funny business. I wrote this last night when I was sleepy, and I like it a lot better than some of the one-shots I've written when I was more alert. I think it's because when I'm tired I don't overthink things as much. This was originally just going to be an apprentice soliloquizing about his little hideout, but it somehow morphed into a mother's goodbye instead. I got the idea when I saw my dog curled up on the pile of blankets behind the couch, and I thought he looked like he was in his own little fort, a secret place.
I found it when I was an apprentice and I was angry at my mentor and I ran away. In a far corner of our territory where nobody ever really goes, right where the ravine ends, there is an old dead tree with only the thickest branches left and no leaves at all. There is a great big hollow if you climb up a little bit and that is where I like to hide. There are also holes under the roots which are fun to play in and you can pretend that badgers live there. It was the perfect spot for a fort, a secret place.
I called it my fort because I thought of all sorts of things I could build to make it more protected. Whenever I had a chance I would go and work on my fort. Soon it became perfect to me but I still worked on it because it was fun to have a fort, a secret place.
Nobody ever found out about it. I never told anyone where it was, not my littermates or my parents or my mentor or even your father. If he had asked I would have told him because I love him, but he knew it was special to me so he never asked. That is why my fort is called my secret place.
When you were still growing in my belly I found a thing that smelled like it had tasty food in it and I went into it to get at the food. There was food but then there was a loud clanging sound and I was trapped. Then the Twolegs came and took me away and squeezed me and prodded me and stuck sharp things in me, and oh how I wished I could flee to my fort, my secret place.
I would much rather that you were born in that old hollow tree than in the Twolegplace but there was no choice. I was taken away from the place where I was poked and we lived in a Twoleg nest that was comfortable but not home. When you were strong enough to travel I picked you up in my mouth and ran away from the Twolegs, wanting so much to get back to the Clan and my fort, my secret place.
Do you remember coming to the camp for the first time and seeing your father? He was so happy to see us safe and he loved you right when he saw you because he knew you belonged to both of us. Your father was scared of losing us again so I couldn't leave camp till you became an apprentice. Even though I knew staying in camp made your father feel better I missed my fort, my secret place.
I could have gone to see the lonely but happy spot where the ravine ended and nobody went when you became an apprentice, except I didn't dare go. My mother was sick and so was my sister. My brother had died before I was taken by the Twolegs, and to let myself grieve in that time I went to my fort, my secret place.
You were busy being an apprentice and you didn't understand why I was so scared about my mother and sister. Now you probably do and I wish you didn't. My mother and sister died of the sickness and then my father did too. Next came your father and if it could have kept him from getting sick I would have taken him to my fort, my secret place.
He was too ill to move and when he died I wanted to run and hide in the hollow in the old dead tree but I couldn't leave you. I promise I will never leave you, even if all the Clan dies before you do I will never abandon you to die alone. You are my only family now and that is the one thing lacking in my fort, my secret place.
When I was an apprentice and even a young warrior I would go there whenever I was sad or angry or even joyful sometimes. I went there when my brother died and in the old, dead wood of the tree I felt like he was still there. Maybe it is silly to think like that since he is in the stars and not in a tree but truly I felt like my brother was in my fort, my secret place.
If you die before the rest of the Clan I will probably go there even though I am the only cat fit to hunt anymore. I am sorry to tell you this and it breaks my heart to hear myself say it but I know that nothing can stop the Clan from dying around me. I will be the last one left, all alone in my fort, my secret place.
I know I never showed anyone where it is before but if you weren't sick and dying I would take you there because you are all I have left. I love you so much and I would take your place if I could. But oh, my dear kit, I am powerless and so I will go to my fort, my secret place.
I hope there is something like it in StarClan so you can see what I mean. When I lie in the hollow in the tree I can hear the birds singing and I can smell the rotting leaves that have gathered in the hollow and I can see a little black beetle crawling across the wood in front of my nose. There is nothing so peaceful that I know of as falling asleep curled up in my fort, my secret place.
Your breathing grows harder and harder and I can see the pain in your eyes. Just listen to what I say and maybe you won't have to think about the pain as much. This is all I can do to help you even though I would give up anything to help you more. If it would save you I would even give up my fort, my secret place.
Just a little longer, my dear kit. Look into my eyes as I tell you I love you. Look into my eyes and I will tell you again about my fort, my secret place.
Author's notes: Writing is a funny business. I wrote this last night when I was sleepy, and I like it a lot better than some of the one-shots I've written when I was more alert. I think it's because when I'm tired I don't overthink things as much. This was originally just going to be an apprentice soliloquizing about his little hideout, but it somehow morphed into a mother's goodbye instead. I got the idea when I saw my dog curled up on the pile of blankets behind the couch, and I thought he looked like he was in his own little fort, a secret place.
