Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2016 7:47:52 GMT -5
There's this girl and I just
I'm abrasive and loud and plain and gross and I think she's always embarrassed to be near me
She's so beautiful and incredible, I just can't help it, she could do anything to me and I'd forgive her
She has done anything to me and I forgave her
I'm scared I'm always going to be alone but she gets me, she looks at me with those big hazel eyes and she just understands
I have to physically stop myself from just staring at her: her hair, her hands, her legs, her back, her profile, her stance.
And her lips. Jesus, her lips.
I used to live to make her laugh but now I want her to stop giggling and start staring at me too, to see me stare one day and reply with her own.
I'm not subtle.
I ask her to model for my art, I light up when she walks in, I melt when she sits beside me and I die when she smiles back
She is cruel and wonderful and she has no idea what she does to me
She leaves me out of things, ignores me, forgets me, berates me, chastises me, blames me when there's no one else to blame
And I let her
I just want her to see me like I see her
I want to be someone to her
I'm just waiting for the day she wakes up and bothers to give a damn about me.
But that's never going to happen, it'd be like trying to convince the Moon to come down and live on Earth with me
And, in all manners of cliché, I hate her boyfriend. He's a moron. He cheated on her and she forgave him.
She cried for two days. I held her. He didn't.
I feel awful when I think this but I wouldn't treat her like that. I'd make her happy I know I could.
I wouldn't make her cry until her lungs hurt, I wouldn't make her feel so miserable she skipped school for days
I find it very very easy to devote myself completely, and to get lost in that and to ignore the fact that no one asked me to do it
But she wants someone shinning like her, wants someone who can compete with her, and is better then her, a challenge
And that's just not me.
She's already got me.
It wasn't even that hard.
No fun in that.
I wish I didn't always make a fool of myself when I'm around her
I wish I was alone instead of too little, too lacking
I just wish I was enough
Enough for her, enough for anyone. Hell, I'm not even enough for me
I'm tired of being average
I want her to want me
I'm sick of fighting for people, I want to be fought over for a change.
What's wrong with me why aren't I enough, what is it about me that isn't worth the effort and doesn't fill the gaps
I don't want to be the person she settles for, the person she goes to when there's no other choice but that's what I am
I hate her, but I hate myself more for not being up to her standards
Man, I'm sick of this. I'm tired. I'm fed up. Dubh Dóite.
I had to get this off my chest. I can't keep carrying her around with me. I need change. But I got nowhere else to go and no one else to go to
ugh