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Post by Mosspool on Jun 19, 2017 13:05:36 GMT -5
“It’s coming.”
“What? What’s coming, momma?”
“Shush, darling, Silverstar’s speaking.”
“FoxClan, we need to prepare. Our biggest threat has returned. Those of you who were alive eight seasons ago know what we are in for. Those of you who weren't… I’m sorry that you will now have to experience it.”
“Momma, what’s Silverstar talking about?”
“Listen, Beekit.”
“We have to follow our emergency plan. Icepelt and Oakstrike, you will take the elders, queens and kits into the tunnels.”
“Yes, Silverstar.”
“Lilyleaf, you round up the apprentices. We’re going to need their help with this fight. Frogleap, I need you to…”
“Momma, where are we going?”
“We’re going someplace safe.”
“Why?”
“Something bad is coming, sweetheart.”
“What is it?”
“Just follow Icepelt and Oakstrike, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Frostcloud, are you and Beekit all good?”
“Yes, thank you for asking, Oakstrike.”
“Momma, what’s coming?”
“Please just be quiet, sweetie.”
“But-”
“Beekit!”
“Just tell the kit what’s going on!”
“Rockclaw, don’t you dare say anything!”
“Hmmph! I was around when the darkness came the first time and it’s important to know what’s going on. One misstep and boom! You’re dead!”
“Momma?”
“Shh, don’t listen to him, dear. We’ll be okay.”
“Okay everyone, the tunnels are here.”
“Beekit, I'm going to carry you now, don’t move.”
“Yes, momma.”
“He’s a big, strong tom, Frostcloud. He can walk by himself.”
“Shut up, Rockclaw!”
“Why is the ground shaking? What’s that roaring noise?”
“That, Beekit, is the return of Dark Rain.”
“What’s Dark Rain?”
“It’s a hideous beast, sent by StarClan to punish us for our sins. It’ll get-”
“Rockclaw, I told you to shut up!”
“Calm down, Icepelt. I’m only telling the kit the truth.”
“I can’t see!”
“Shh, Beekit, there’s light just up ahead.”
“Oh, now I can see.”
“I told you.”
“Momma? There’s something red dripping onto my fur.”
"Oh no."
“It’s here.”
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Post by [~Ghost Writer~] on Jun 19, 2017 15:03:18 GMT -5
Really hope this one gets a high rank! I really enjoyed it even if it was short. It makes me want to find out more about the Dark Rain and what it'll do
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Post by Mosspool on Jun 19, 2017 18:48:11 GMT -5
Thank you!
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Post by ~Sapphire~ on Jun 25, 2017 15:21:38 GMT -5
I love the way you manage to show Beekit's perspective with just dialogue. And whatever the dark rain is, it sounds scary!
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Post by Mosspool on Jun 25, 2017 15:48:00 GMT -5
ooooh, another dialogue only entry! these tend to get interesting since they're so difficult to pull off. well done with this one! i love that beekit's mother has a distinct voice, as does rockclaw, who's only trying to be truthful, and poor beekit, totally lost in all this. of course, the one thing that bugs me is that i can't figure out what the dark rain is. it's hard to convey it with dialogue only since you can only tell it through the cats' eyes, but i feel like having a better idea of what it is would make it even more suspenseful to see this clan flee its arrival. on the whole, good work! Thank you!
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Post by Mosspool on Jun 25, 2017 15:48:50 GMT -5
I love the way you manage to show Beekit's perspective with just dialogue. And whatever the dark rain is, it sounds scary! Thanks!
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Post by Mosspool on Jun 28, 2017 11:35:25 GMT -5
Okay thanks for the feedback!
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