"You always smile like you're about to cry."
Jun 7, 2017 18:59:58 GMT -5
Rockabye.Baebsae and wadevvilson like this
Post by CreamCrow on Jun 7, 2017 18:59:58 GMT -5
seen this for a while now, been meaning to write it, haven't yet, so here.
turned out different from what I was planning, but hey, I like it.
warning, a little sadish.
prompt::
"You always smile like you're about to cry," he said. His head was tilted, causing his black hair to fly to the side of his face. Some covered his face, but I didn't dare mention it. He looked so concerned and all I could do was hold in my tears. I could not let him see them. So I gave him one of my smiles. It didn't seem to cause him to back away, to move, to leave me alone though.
He had been a close friend to me for years at this point. He wasn't my best friend, that was kept for the redhead in my life- but he was damn close. It was a huge problem for me, and he had no idea. He had always been so kind, so funny, he was intelligent, he was social, he cared. God, you can't give me someone who was like that. You can't give me someone that you knew I would fall in love with. Cause damn, he was beautiful- inside and out and I couldn't help but fall for him.
I suppose me keeping it inside all this time was what caused this. If I had told him my growing feelings, would he have accepted? Would he have fallen for me as well? I wish you had given me an answer God when I asked for it, because I got afraid and hid it since you didn't. I never told him. And at this point I knew I still couldn't.
"Cheer up, please? I can't stand the idea of you being sad," he tilted my chin up. His honey brown eyes had closed as he gave me a charming white smile. When I didn't do anything, he opened them with though a thoughtful look, smile fading. I didn't want it to fade.
I didn't want to see him sad. I loved him- I wouldn't be able to see him sad. Perhaps that's why I never stopped him. Then his happiness would be ruined. So I said in response to him, "Don't worry. I'm not sad, you're just being silly."
He seemed a little relieved at that. "Okay then, I'll believe you." He seemed to say that a lot, but I think he was lying. He wanted to believe me, but he didn't. I wish he did. I didn't want him to try and figure out what had bothered me so badly. Maybe I should have told him there. Maybe I should of told him that I loved him.
I mean, I should have told him a long time ago.
I should have told him when I had the chance. I should have told him when I first realized it. I should have told him when he had found the most beautiful girl in the world. I should have told him before he got married to her. I should have told him when he announced their first child. I should have announced it there when they were going to have their second. I should have told him when they got divorced and back together in the span of a month. I should have told him when we went on the camping trip together as a group. I should have told him when we left. I should have told him before I went to Europe. I should have told him when I got back. I should have told him when he was driving off from the welcome back party.
I should have told him then at all times. I know it was far too late then. We were in our fifties. But if I had told him, perhaps I could have prevented it. Given him more time. Explained to him everytime he told me something and I smiled and said congratulations and it seemed sad- it was because I wish that I had gotten to marry him! And have two children! I wish I could have went to Europe with our family! And come back and been safe!
Now he was dead. He left the welcome back party and the next day, early morning, it was discovered that he was hit by another car, a car with a drunk driver. I never got to tell him.
I helped his wife through the grief, despite nobody helping me through it. Nobody but myself. i met his children, one of them was 14 and the other one was 17. They were so sweet. I helped take care of them until the older moved out. My friend's wife died of grief, grief and a heart attack. She never found out that I love her husband, my friend. It seemed fair- nobody knew of the burden I held but me.
The youngest was 16 when she died. I ended up adopting her. She never misbehaved. Not once. Not even when I, a 60 year old woman, broke down and confessed my secret crush on her father to her. She accepted me through it, she helped take care of me. She has her own life now, she met a man. She almost didn't tell him.
At least she told him, I had to convince her. I wish someone had convinced me- almost. I am 71 now, in a facility for the old. I'm waiting for death to visit me. I wish I had told him, I wish I had seen what would have happened if I confessed my love for him. But it would mean the sweet girl who helped me through my hard time would no be here. Or maybe she would have been my child.
I feel a tear streak down my cheek as I look at a picture. Me and him and my best friend. Before he met the girl that would be his wife. The last smile before all of mine would turn to look like I would cry. Well, he wasn't wrong all that time ago. I was on the verge of tears every time I smiled.
I look up from the picture and I can see him. His dark hair and blue eyes smiling at me. he holds a hand out to me, he's all alone. I slowly get out of myseat and mumble to myself, "I wish I had told you I loved you a long time ago." He seems to mumble something back, but I close my eyes and take his hand and smiled. I do believe that's when I died.
At least my last smile had been genuine, genuine love and no sadness a part of it.
turned out different from what I was planning, but hey, I like it.
warning, a little sadish.
prompt::
"You always smile like you're about to cry," he said. His head was tilted, causing his black hair to fly to the side of his face. Some covered his face, but I didn't dare mention it. He looked so concerned and all I could do was hold in my tears. I could not let him see them. So I gave him one of my smiles. It didn't seem to cause him to back away, to move, to leave me alone though.
He had been a close friend to me for years at this point. He wasn't my best friend, that was kept for the redhead in my life- but he was damn close. It was a huge problem for me, and he had no idea. He had always been so kind, so funny, he was intelligent, he was social, he cared. God, you can't give me someone who was like that. You can't give me someone that you knew I would fall in love with. Cause damn, he was beautiful- inside and out and I couldn't help but fall for him.
I suppose me keeping it inside all this time was what caused this. If I had told him my growing feelings, would he have accepted? Would he have fallen for me as well? I wish you had given me an answer God when I asked for it, because I got afraid and hid it since you didn't. I never told him. And at this point I knew I still couldn't.
"Cheer up, please? I can't stand the idea of you being sad," he tilted my chin up. His honey brown eyes had closed as he gave me a charming white smile. When I didn't do anything, he opened them with though a thoughtful look, smile fading. I didn't want it to fade.
I didn't want to see him sad. I loved him- I wouldn't be able to see him sad. Perhaps that's why I never stopped him. Then his happiness would be ruined. So I said in response to him, "Don't worry. I'm not sad, you're just being silly."
He seemed a little relieved at that. "Okay then, I'll believe you." He seemed to say that a lot, but I think he was lying. He wanted to believe me, but he didn't. I wish he did. I didn't want him to try and figure out what had bothered me so badly. Maybe I should have told him there. Maybe I should of told him that I loved him.
I mean, I should have told him a long time ago.
I should have told him when I had the chance. I should have told him when I first realized it. I should have told him when he had found the most beautiful girl in the world. I should have told him before he got married to her. I should have told him when he announced their first child. I should have announced it there when they were going to have their second. I should have told him when they got divorced and back together in the span of a month. I should have told him when we went on the camping trip together as a group. I should have told him when we left. I should have told him before I went to Europe. I should have told him when I got back. I should have told him when he was driving off from the welcome back party.
I should have told him then at all times. I know it was far too late then. We were in our fifties. But if I had told him, perhaps I could have prevented it. Given him more time. Explained to him everytime he told me something and I smiled and said congratulations and it seemed sad- it was because I wish that I had gotten to marry him! And have two children! I wish I could have went to Europe with our family! And come back and been safe!
Now he was dead. He left the welcome back party and the next day, early morning, it was discovered that he was hit by another car, a car with a drunk driver. I never got to tell him.
I helped his wife through the grief, despite nobody helping me through it. Nobody but myself. i met his children, one of them was 14 and the other one was 17. They were so sweet. I helped take care of them until the older moved out. My friend's wife died of grief, grief and a heart attack. She never found out that I love her husband, my friend. It seemed fair- nobody knew of the burden I held but me.
The youngest was 16 when she died. I ended up adopting her. She never misbehaved. Not once. Not even when I, a 60 year old woman, broke down and confessed my secret crush on her father to her. She accepted me through it, she helped take care of me. She has her own life now, she met a man. She almost didn't tell him.
At least she told him, I had to convince her. I wish someone had convinced me- almost. I am 71 now, in a facility for the old. I'm waiting for death to visit me. I wish I had told him, I wish I had seen what would have happened if I confessed my love for him. But it would mean the sweet girl who helped me through my hard time would no be here. Or maybe she would have been my child.
I feel a tear streak down my cheek as I look at a picture. Me and him and my best friend. Before he met the girl that would be his wife. The last smile before all of mine would turn to look like I would cry. Well, he wasn't wrong all that time ago. I was on the verge of tears every time I smiled.
I look up from the picture and I can see him. His dark hair and blue eyes smiling at me. he holds a hand out to me, he's all alone. I slowly get out of myseat and mumble to myself, "I wish I had told you I loved you a long time ago." He seems to mumble something back, but I close my eyes and take his hand and smiled. I do believe that's when I died.
At least my last smile had been genuine, genuine love and no sadness a part of it.
