rainbow

rant warning I guess
but yeah rainbowsssssss
and me

it's kinda weird but I've been feeling. . .off? for the last three months?
like wrong, not quite confused but muddled, not right.
and for some reason that all changed today just BAM
and I feel, almost right. Like I can work towards bettering myself again.

tbh it's probably because everything's changing for me right now and I've regained my sense of self again
I'm a hardcore introvert so my sense of self and self-perception/knowing who I am is very, very important to my sanity like
if I'm going through a change I tend to wall others out. Not to be rude or selfish, but I like to feel I understand myself before I work on understanding others/letting others understand me
if that makes sense?

I think it's also because I just got past a huge cause of my anxiety
and not having anxiety problems rise up at all in the last few days is an amazing feeling after having this pressure/anxiety in the back of my head every minute of every day and now that that's gone it literally feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders

so yeah lots of feelings and change but mostly good so yeahhhhh

tl;dr: Feeling more secure with me being me + less anxiety = better