Post by ❴ ғα∂ιηg ✦ яεαℓιтү ❵ on May 15, 2017 9:25:46 GMT -5
It ended six months ago. I fell apart, still am in a way. You were a piece of me, you made me whole. Now I have a hole in my life, this never ending feeling like I'm missing something in my life. And that'd be you.
Two weeks ago we had our first conversation since. It was for closure; it was painful. It wasn't what I expected. I wanted to let you go completely.
I couldn't do that.
I held on, broke down and so we agreed - every two months we could check in, make sure the other is okay, revisit the idea of being friends again. I want that so bad, but I know we're only doing that to pretend it'll be fixed.
We can never go back to before, no matter how much we want to. It ended. But our goodbye? It was a goodbye without a goodbye. It was an "I'll see you one day maybe," it was a "we can't let go just yet," it was a "maybe in another lifetime."
It was a foolish thing to say - to pretend - but in the end it's how we can survive it. We can't survive this otherwise. You need space. I need you. In the end only one gets what we need: you.
Makes sense that you're the one to get it, I have always put you first. Always have, always will. No matter how much it hurts - and trust me it hurts - you will forever by my number one. You will always come first in my heart.
So I guess what I'm saying is, while we ended - the best thing in my life, the best thing that ever happened to me - my love for you will never end.
I'm sorry it turned out this way; I'm sorry it ended. I wish I hadn't done the things I did; I'm sorry I did them. I want to take it all back.
I want to be back on the side of that highway, so that instead of jumping onto it, I can walk back up the ramp and to you. I want to walk back to you. Hell, I want to run back to you; I'd crawl if I had to. If I couldn't move, if I couldn't reach you, I'd do anything to make it so I could.
I love you. I hate this end. The endings are suppose to be happy right? That's what we're taught as a kid. But this time, this time it's not.
So here we are, with our goodbye without a goodbye. The end.
Two weeks ago we had our first conversation since. It was for closure; it was painful. It wasn't what I expected. I wanted to let you go completely.
I couldn't do that.
I held on, broke down and so we agreed - every two months we could check in, make sure the other is okay, revisit the idea of being friends again. I want that so bad, but I know we're only doing that to pretend it'll be fixed.
We can never go back to before, no matter how much we want to. It ended. But our goodbye? It was a goodbye without a goodbye. It was an "I'll see you one day maybe," it was a "we can't let go just yet," it was a "maybe in another lifetime."
It was a foolish thing to say - to pretend - but in the end it's how we can survive it. We can't survive this otherwise. You need space. I need you. In the end only one gets what we need: you.
Makes sense that you're the one to get it, I have always put you first. Always have, always will. No matter how much it hurts - and trust me it hurts - you will forever by my number one. You will always come first in my heart.
So I guess what I'm saying is, while we ended - the best thing in my life, the best thing that ever happened to me - my love for you will never end.
I'm sorry it turned out this way; I'm sorry it ended. I wish I hadn't done the things I did; I'm sorry I did them. I want to take it all back.
I want to be back on the side of that highway, so that instead of jumping onto it, I can walk back up the ramp and to you. I want to walk back to you. Hell, I want to run back to you; I'd crawl if I had to. If I couldn't move, if I couldn't reach you, I'd do anything to make it so I could.
I love you. I hate this end. The endings are suppose to be happy right? That's what we're taught as a kid. But this time, this time it's not.
So here we are, with our goodbye without a goodbye. The end.
