🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼
Im Not Gonna be on for a while (like a week). Bye random Ppl =)
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Post by 🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼 on May 12, 2017 3:58:53 GMT -5
Chapter 1
As the moon started to rise a low moan woke Dawntail from her sleep Oh no that's Snowstar! As she scrambled out of the warrior's den she ran over to the medicine den she burst into see Snowstar lying on his side and Blizzardpool tending to him
"what happened to him Blizzardpool?" Blizzardpool had been her foster sister and was her great friend. As her friend moved her gaze up to Dawntail, She saw a deep sadness in her friend's eye "he is dying" She whispered as she moved to Dawntails side "It's his last life, He has a sickness I have never seen before and I don't know what herbs to give him." As her friend finished they both dipped their heads as Snowstar took a breath and gestured for Dawntail to come to him, Dawntail gave her leader a nod and settled down beside him "Dawntail.... I have something that I need to tell you, something that only Amberstar, Starclan and I know. There is a prophecy about you "The Clans Flow Like Water But Beware The Cat Who Will Turn The River Red Only The Dawn Will Restore Peace" Fulfil the prophecy and restore the pea-" He broke off with a cough and the rattling breaths finally stopped
"No! Snowstar Please don't leave me!" meowed Dawntail as Blizzardpool hurried over. After a few seconds Blizzardpool sat up grief staining her eyes as she spoke "He's with Starclan now. I'm Sorry, You need to wake the clan and tell them the news."
Chapter 2
As Dawntail slowly padded into the clearing she jumped onto the High Rock "Let all cats in the clan Gather beneath the High Rock!" As her clanmates started to gather she realised that this was her job now Right time to break the news to them.....
"Everyone I have some bad news... Snowstar has lost his last life. He hunts with Starclan now" As she finished Grief-stricken Yowls sounded in the clearing and Dawntail waved her tail for silence and they began to quite down "As you all know Blizzardpool And I must journey to the Shining Stones so I can receive my nine lives and name from starclan, I will leave Pebblestorm in charge of the camp whilst I'm away.
Chapter 3
As Dawntail and Blizzardpool padded towards the Shining Stone they bumped into a Sunclan patrol "Stop! Why are you on our territory?" Yowled the head of the patrol, Snowfoot "We are here to go to the Shining Stone, Snowstar Lost his last life" As Dawntail finished speaking The Patrol dipped their heads "We are sorry to hear that, Snowstar was a noble leader and a great warrior" As the patrol stepped aside to let them pass blizzardpool told Dawntail that they had to hurry up and soon they where there, Finally the Shining Stone was in sight.
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🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼
Im Not Gonna be on for a while (like a week). Bye random Ppl =)
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Post by 🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼 on May 17, 2017 5:03:43 GMT -5
Bump
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🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼
Im Not Gonna be on for a while (like a week). Bye random Ppl =)
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Post by 🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼 on May 17, 2017 5:03:56 GMT -5
Bump
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Post by Owlmoon on May 17, 2017 15:22:48 GMT -5
Chapter 1
As the moon started to rise a low moan woke Dawntail from her sleep. Oh no that's Snowstar! As she scrambled out of the warrior's den, she ran over to the medicine den she burst in(insert space here)to see Snowstar lying on his side and Blizzardpool tending to him.
"What happened to him Blizzardpool?" Blizzardpool had been her foster sister and was her great friend. As her friend moved her gaze up to Dawntail, she saw a deep sadness in her friend's (maybe use 'her' eyes) eye "He is dying," she whispered as she moved to Dawntail's side. "It's his last life, he has a sickness that I have never seen before and I don't know what herbs to give him." As her friend (maybe use a different word, perhaps Blizzardpool) finished they both dipped their heads. Snowstar took a breath then (too many ands) gestured for Dawntail to come to him, Dawntail gave her leader a nod and settled down beside him. "Dawntail.... I have something that I need to tell you, something that only Amberstar, Starclan and I know. There is a prophecy about you. "The Clans Flow Like Water, but Beware The Cat Who Will Turn The River Red. Only The Dawn Will Restore Peace." (For the entire prophecy, the words should all start with a lowercase letter except the first one) Fulfill the prophecy and restore the pea-" He broke off with a cough and the rattling breaths finally stopped.
"No! Snowstar Please don't leave me!" meowed Dawntail as Blizzardpool hurried over. After a few seconds Blizzardpool sat up grief staining I would replace with 'in') her eyes as she spoke. "He's with Starclan now. I'm sorry, you need to wake the clan and tell them the news."
Chapter 2
As Dawntail slowly padded into the clearing she jumped onto the High Rock. (How is she jumping onto Highrock and padding into the clearing all at the same time?) "Let all cats in the clan gather beneath (delete the) High Rock!" As her clanmates started to gather, she realized that this was her job now. It was the right time to break the news to them.....
"Everyone, I have some bad news... Snowstar has lost his last life. He hunts with Starclan now." As she finished grief-stricken yowls sounded in the clearing and Dawntail waved her tail for silence. (delete 'and' here) They began to quite down "As you all know, Blizzardpool and I must journey to the Shining Stones so that I can receive my nine lives and name from StarClan. I will leave Pebblestorm in charge of the camp [whilst (?)] while I'm away."
Chapter 3
As Dawntail and Blizzardpool padded towards the Shining Stone they, bumped into a SunClan patrol "Stop! Why are you on our territory?" Yowled the head of the patrol, Snowfoot. "We are here to go to the Shining Stone, Snowstar lost his last life." As Dawntail finished speaking, The patrol dipped their heads. "We are sorry to hear that, Snowstar was a noble leader and a great warrior." As the patrol stepped aside to let them pass, Blizzardpool told Dawntail that they had to hurry up and soon they where there. Finally the Shining Stone was in sight.
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Post by Owlmoon on May 17, 2017 15:23:14 GMT -5
I normally don't edit people's stories, but this really bothered me.
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🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼
Im Not Gonna be on for a while (like a week). Bye random Ppl =)
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Post by 🌼 ~Dawntail~ 🌼 on May 31, 2017 22:22:43 GMT -5
I'm Sorry that this bothered you Owlmoon and thank you for editing it (I'll add it in soon) This was actually written by my friend (we have a shared account) and I'll pass on any feedback I get to her. Thanks again for editing it.
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/j