Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 17:27:40 GMT -5
Welcome to Details 101, the 2016 Beach Bash class run by yours truly (yours Tuesly?): moi! The point of this class is to give you all a leg up when it comes to the quality of the details you include in your fic. We're going to cover word choice, description, sensory details, and there will even be a portion of the class dedicated to placing those details just right in the narrative, plus some more. Ever heard of Chekhov's gun? Well, you will have by the time we're through.
But now I'm going to take a second and let you know that I'm going to be the cool teacher. I mean, I'm Tuesday. I'm pretty darn nifty by default. But just to make things easier, especially since I know a lot of you are wrapping up the school year, none of the assignments are ever actually due.
You heard me. They're for your benefit only, and totally at your disposal. By your choice. If you want to write a scene to practice the lesson at hand, by all means, have at it! If you want me to look it over, let me know, and I'll do my best to find some time to give you some feedback on your work. If you decide you just want to soak up the lectures and never say a peep on this thread, I'm not going to stop you. The material here is written by me, for you. Have a ball with it.
So without further ado, check out the lessons I have in store for y'all.
Table of Contents Lesson One: Choose Your Words Wisely Lesson Two: Show Me the Money Lesson Three: Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall Lesson Four: Chekhov's Gun Lesson Five: A Digression on Voice Lesson Six: See No Evil, Hear No Evil Lesson Seven: Parting Words
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Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 17:36:27 GMT -5
LESSON ONE - CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY
M'kay, folks, listen up: the words you use are everything in a fic. Okay, maybe not everything. You've still gotta have solid plot and characters, but to convey those solid plots and characters, you need words. So let's get down to business to defeat the Huns, and work on your words.
VERBS
A hugely important part of writing. A strong verb vs a weak verb is no contest. Almost every time, you want the strong verb. Take a look at these two sample passages that I shamelessly borrowed from Sentinel, and think about which one is better.
The second one sounds a lot better, right? The trick is to use better verbs. Junipernose being "busy" sounds run of the mill. Being "preoccupied" sounds a little more serious. Featherfall "having" kits is just happening, but "delivering" her kits has a sense of urgency. Brackenfang "taking" Sorrelpaw hunting seems like it's routine, but "hustling" her out makes it clear that there's a rush. This way, the whole paragraph makes it clear that something important is happening and it's not happening slowly, not at all. Using more specific verbs can make all the difference. Of course, this doesn't mean you only have to use strong verbs. Sometimes a simple verb is all that's needed. But you can't use only simple verbs either, or your work will lack a punch that only strong verbs can provide.
ADVERBS
My advice? Avoid them when you can. Adverbs usually go hand in hand with weak verbs. You could say the dog is running quickly through the yard, but doesn't it sound better to say the dog is sprinting or rushing or dashing instead? Like weak verbs, you don't have to cut them entirely (see, look, I just used an adverb there to make it clear how much you don't have to cut out), but if you pare them down and replace them with more efficient verbs, it helps streamline your story.
A good place to use adverbs when you really must, though, is when you have an adverb that doesn't produce a stronger verb when paired with its normal verb. For example, "running quickly" becomes "sprinting" or some other synonym. However, if a character is eyeing someone coolly, that's different than eyeing someone warily. Those are two different emotions, and the adverb helps distinguish between the two. If you must use an adverb, that's one instance where it's not so terrible to do so. And keep in mind that if you really like a word or phrase, if it really seems to get your point across clearly, you can make an exception to the rule.
ADJECTIVES
Use better adjectives. Tired of hearing me say "better" yet? But it's true. The tired mouse sounds like it's in better shape than the exhausted mouse. The parched earth sounds like it's much drier than the regular old dry earth. The nice thing with adjectives, though, is that they don't have to be super strong all the time. Sometimes, they just need to make the point. I don't need to know that she has glittering, crystal azure eyes that shine like the ocean. She has blue eyes. If you want to add that they sparkle in the light, be my guest, but unless you're writing poetry, trust me: you don't need to wax poetic with big adjectives or a string of them. Just use the ones that fit what you mean, because just as "parched' is more serious than "dry," it's also overkill if things are in actuality simply dry. Not parched, but not damp. Just dry.
NOUNS
This piggybacks a little off that last segment on adjectives, because when you use a noun, use the one you mean. I'm not going to stop you from using metaphors and similes; those are awesome for imagery. But try not to go whole hog when you're writing a paragraph about a lake or something.
Let me show you with an example from Equinox. That's almost easier.
Again, isn't the second better, and doesn't the first feel artificial and contrived? You don't want artificial and contrived. Your readers don't want artificial and contrived. So try not to over-complicate your nouns/noun-adjective phrases if you can avoid it. Just be specific in what you mean. For the lizard above, "webbed feet" is more concise than "webbed appendages," that's for sure. Which leads me to my second-to-last point.
PUT THAT THESAURUS DOWN
You heard me. Set it aside right now. The thesaurus is not your best friend, because it inevitably leads to your work being (say it with me) artificial and contrived. Which, again, we don't want. It's okay to use it sometimes. Maybe you've said "bag" too many times in one paragraph and need to spice it up. Take "tote" or "pack" or "purse" or something that fits your intended meaning from the thesaurus. That's acceptable. But never ever ever ever...ever sit down, write out your story, and then use a thesaurus to replace a ton of words.
Artificial and contrived. Say no to that, kids.
But there's one more thing I've got to say today.
SAID IS NOT DEAD
Said is actually alive and kicking. Go pick up the book nearest to you. Is it the Bible? Is it something written before, say, the 90s? Put it down, and go find a more recent book, and when you find that book, open it up and look for some dialogue. Often, you're going to see that published authors are using "said" in their work!
"How could they do such a thing?" you ask. Well, easy: said is your new best friend. Really. I mean it. Take that book you found and mentally replace every instance of said with other dialogue verbs and see what happens. To illustrate the point, have your example passage for the day, this time from How the Mighty Fall.
See how all the plain speech verbs (including ask and reply; those are almost as prolific as said) slowly build, and then we get a command? It makes the force of Stonetail's words all the more grave because until know, it was a concerned conversation.
So remember, said is not dead. Said just needs very short breaks from time to time.
FOR PRACTICE
If you want to practice some of this, I recommend going back and finding some of your old writing. Pick a passage or two, and rewrite them to use better words. When you're done, if you want, come and show me! Put the original passage on top, and then the improved passage underneath, and I'll do my best to give you some more pointers.
Go forth, and use better words!
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Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 17:42:15 GMT -5
LESSON TWO - SHOW ME THE MONEY
You've all heard about showing versus telling, but I'm personally fond of thinking of it a little like showing and telling. Show and tell. Yeah, isn't that more exciting? Throwback to the elementary school glory days. Ahhhhh...
But enough reminiscing. We've got some work to do.
WHY SHOW?
Really, why not tell your audience everything? Well, aside from ruining any freedom of imagination they have, it's just not fun. Your readers aren't looking to read a grocery list that's entirely pre-determined. You want the flexibility and mystery that comes with showing them what you want them to see, and this is especially important with characters and their emotions. Seriously. It's my personal favorite use for showing, though there are others and you are by no means obligated to like what I like. And I mean that.
Anyways, let's play another game of example comparisons.
Gee, doesn't that feel really corny? Who would want to read a romance like that? Not me. So let's spruce it up. Keep in mind, this generally means adding a little more description. Also, I'm actually quite terrible about giving thorough examples of what not to do, but much better at giving examples of how to improve them. Savvy? Good.
See how much better that is? Can you feel how nervous Bramblestorm is about admitting to his feelings? Is the tension much more palpable? And how about Thrushtail? Doesn't her reluctance to love have feeling and substance?
God help me, I just wrote a romantic scene.
But seriously, get the idea? You provide suspense and deeper facets of emotion by showing us how characters feel rather than telling us. This is especially true for what I call compound emotions. Frustration arises from sadness and anger, while guilt can be a combination of sadness and fear, though there are many other combos to explore. Basically, there's a lot going on with emotion, so you need to give it proper wiggle room and attention.
Additionally, you can show a character's intent rather than tell us what they plan to do. Take a couple more comparisons.
Again, see the difference? In the first example, she escaped. Plain and simple. Then she's searching for help. But in the second, I showed you how she was angling her way towards her escape route, and how she was looking for the help of cats she knew by calling their names. What a difference it makes, huh?
SO WHY TELL?
Simple: showing takes up space. I like to show during the quiet moments of a fic, when no one's charging into battle or having a heated argument. You have the time to make the emotion really sink into your reader. But that isn't always a luxury. Fight scenes, chase scenes, and other scenes that follow a fast pace often leave little room for showing, especially in terms of emotion. Take this fight from How the Mighty Fall as an example.
Notice the way this fight is sudden and unexpected. It's happening fast, and Stonetail doesn't get the luxury of thinking about her next move. It's a furious little scuffle, and the reason I tell more than show here is so that the reader can progress quickly through the scene, just as the scene would be over quickly if it happened in real time.
As always, though, there's a balance. People say show and not tell because telling is regarded as poor story-telling, as inferior. That's only true if you don't use it right, in which case your story will read very plainly. But try to find the balance between the two forms of detail, and when you find that happy medium, you're golden.
FOR PRACTICE
This time, don't rewrite something you've already written. Instead, try to write at least one of the three following things, looking for the balance between show and tell.
1. A one on one fight scene
2. An intimate scene that is forum appropriate (remember, intimate doesn't always mean romance; it just means it's personal and it's between at least two characters who are close, or occasionally exceptionally close)
3. A cheerful scene of your choosing
Good night, and good luck!
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Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 17:50:14 GMT -5
LESSON THREE - MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL
So far, we've looked at shaping up your word choice as well as good old show and tell. That's been the easy stuff, the stuff you can cover in pretty much any class on description at all. This, though? This coming subject deserves a little more attention.
Today, we're going to describe your characters.
It sounds easy, but it's not so cut and dry as people tend to think it is. You see, there are a number of things to keep in mind when you're describing a character, especially during their first appearance, but during later appearances as well. Trust me when I say this can make all the difference in how readers will perceive your characters. So let's start!
FIRST MEETINGS
Introductions can be a little tricky for some people. I frequently see scenes in which the main character gives a lengthy spiel on the appearance of a character they see daily, like a Clanmate, as if they're suddenly noticing new details now that there's an audience beyond the scope of the story. It's really rather dull when that happens, and breaks the reader's immersion in the story because the character's stories begin and end long before and after the exact story being shared. The reader doesn't need every single before and after detail, but it needs to flow smoothly. Take a look at these examples featuring characters from the yet-unwritten Way of the Wolf.
See? The first one feels very list-like, while the second feels more like the details have consequence and bearing on Flight's role in the tribe and her character. Of course, sometimes the first option is safe to use, especially when the main character is meeting the described character for the very first time in their life. But here, Flight is a familiar face to Drift, and there's no reason for him to be fixated on all the regular details of her appearance. In fact, keep in mind that a character who regularly sees another character is less likely to comment on their normal appearance, but perhaps more likely to spot any unusual changes in appearance or behavior because they know the other character.
DESCRIPTION BY TENSE
Did you realize that the tense you're telling your story in can affect the way you describe your characters? Because it's true. We won't discuss future tense since it sees very little use in the grand scheme of things, but past tense and present tense can make a difference on how description ought to be done.
If you've read any of my writing, you know that I'm a big fan of present tense. It moves quickly, and because it isn't being told as if it already happened, it generates a sense of suspense. No one knows what's coming next because it's being told as events unfold. Because of that, there is even less room for the type of description used in the first example above. Your characters can only notice so much in a short span of time, and while they may have realizations later, the chances are slim that they'll notice every relevant detail relating to another character's appearance the moment they see them, especially if they only see them in passing. In present tense, your characters need time to notice everything. Otherwise, your characters need to focus on the details that will stand out most in passing. This doesn't always mean the most important details to the plot (and it really shouldn't in most cases except subtle foreshadowing), but it does mean that the obvious features should be considered. Do they have a badly torn ear? Are they currently limping? Is there some kind of large, visible injury/scar? Maybe they stink. Maybe they have such a bright ginger coat that they'll be useless in the snow. So on and so forth. Get creative, and don't limit yourself to these details, but remember to consider what's striking and what's hard to notice in a cursory glance.
On the other hand, past tense gives you more flexibility. Again, try not to be too obvious with major plot-relevant details, but you can spend a little more time on the smaller details because the story is a past account. It's already happened, and even if your narrator is some nameless disembodied voice in the void vs. an actual character of the story, the narrator has had time to absorb and relay a little more detail than a rushed present tense narrator has, because the past tense narrator has no need to proceed steadily with the scene, at least not right away. Past tense gives you a little bit of breathing room.
But there's more.
DESCRIPTION BY POINT OF VIEW
Here's the big one. Tense is a little note compared to this, believe me. POV is absolutely everything when it comes to crafting your descriptions because then you really have to consider what your narrator knows. See, a first person narrator can only tell you what they know firsthand/what others have told them, while a third person narrator can tell you a little more about a character or characters. Check out the difference, demonstrated by characters from the yet-unwritten Kings and Thieves.
In this case, neither example is necessarily inferior to the other, but they each have a slightly different flavor and convey slightly different information based on what information the narrator knows. Additionally, keep in mind the description would be different based on which character the POV follows. Liontail's first person POV is different than the she-cat's first person POV, but their third person POVs are also different, too.
There's one more thing to note, though, and it concerns first person.
STOP DESCRIBING YOURSELF
Seriously. This is my number one pet peeve in fiction of all time because it's so poorly written and tacky. There is a time and a place where your reader should learn what your main character looks like in a first person tale, and there is a way to do it that doesn't sound obnoxious. We've all read the story that begins with "My name is [insert name] and I have [pick a color] fur and [pick a color] eyes. My legs are long, like my fur, and I look like my mother." Maybe it doesn't run exactly like that, but you get the idea.
It's gotta stop. It is the least exciting, least interesting way to learn about your narrator's appearance, and it's the fastest way to put a reader off your fic. I have never willingly finished reading a fic that begins this way because it inevitably leads to writing that is of a similar style and level. Instead, consider the circumstances in which your first person narrator would be thinking about their appearance. Maybe they've just been in a fight, and they stop at a pool to clean some of the extra dried blood off their muzzle. In the pool, they see that their left eye is swollen, or maybe that their ear is torn. That's one way to do it. Maybe they're an apprentice, and one of their denmates just received a warrior name that makes her sound quite beautiful, so they think about the plain creature they were named for and become shy and upset. There are so many other ways to do it besides the "my name is blank and I look like this" intro. Don't be bland like that. Spice it up, and make your descriptions fit in smoothly with the story. They're no fun when they stick out like a sore thumb.
FOR PRACTICE
Write a scene where you introduce a character! Keep in mind the difference in POVs and tenses, and the difference between a totally new character and a character that your main character is familiar with.
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Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 17:57:32 GMT -5
LESSON FOUR - CHEKHOV'S GUN
This is a pretty old concept, as far as I know, but I first learned of it a few years ago. Let me tell you, it's changed everything. Take a look at the full quote:
"Remove everything that has no relevance to the story. If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there." - Anton Chekhov
This is such an important principle, because it keeps you from spending too much time on the details that don't really matter. You can add in the occasional detail that helps explore the setting (for example, if you say the trees are bare, that shows me it's winter, which helps me determine when the story is happening), and details that introduce character are equally important, but this? This is the cream of the crop.
When you have a detail relevant to your plot, show it.
Of course, this is also another lesson in balance. If you're too obvious about the detail being plot relevant, especially in the beginning of the story, it falls flat. Your reader will already be expecting it. But if you're too subtle, your readers won't catch it, and they won't have that "aha!" moment when they realize just how important it is that you included that detail.
Today, we're not going to compare paragraphs, if only because this is a concept that both improves how well you choose your details and how well you plan your plot, a skill really important for longer works. I will, however, give you examples from How the Mighty Fall while trying to be as spoiler-free as possible for those of you who intend to read it/aren't yet finished with it.
One of the things Coal frequently imagines through his rare POVs in the fic is a pair of yellow eyes. It haunts him terribly, and I did my best to show that the eyes follow him wherever he goes, whether he likes it or not. Most particularly, he seems them on Stonetail, who has green eyes in reality. Despite this, Coal can't shake how natural the yellow eyes look on her, and almost midway through the fic, the reason they suit her so naturally is revealed. I made sure to set up Coal's visions of the eyes early on so that readers would ask why they scared him, then placed on emphasis on how they fit on Stonetail, so people would ask why her, of all the cats who could possibly show the yellow eyes. The answers were very, very important to the plot, and I wanted to keep my readers hooked, not to mention generate a sense of suspense. If you introduce a detail like this, a detail that reoccurs often and creates questions for the reader, you need to make sure you deliver on it. This doesn't have to be done at once (it really shouldn't, and having two or three layers of meaning to a detail that are gradually revealed is actually a very smart way to go), but you can't ignore it at all. Even if you intend to have sequels, make sure you reveal at least a little bit of information in the fic you're currently on.
Really, Chekhov's gun is just carefully laid foreshadowing, and it's worth practicing. You can even use it in titles, too! I personally titled my NaNoWriMo project from last year Glassheart, and to my delight, as I continued to work on the novel, it had not one, not two, not three, but four different meanings, all important to the story, all important to the main character. You know that moment when you get to the part in the book where the title suddenly makes sense? That's exactly why subtle foreshadowing in the title is a useful skill to have.
One other thing to note, though, when you're using Chekhov's gun, is that you also need to be skilled in the red herring. You want your reader to eventually have all the answers, but if you just give them all right away, it's no fun, and the reader has nothing to keep them glued to the page. But red herrings are tough. Make them too obvious, and your reader will ignore them, knowing they're meant to be false. Hide them too well, and your reader will never see them, which means they'll follow the real answer/no answer at all for a while, if they bother to keep reading. Sometimes you need only one red herring to draw your readers and characters down a different path to create more conflict. Sometimes you need a few, especially in suspense and mystery stories, so that all the pieces of the plot fall together slowly instead of all at once. A more famous example than my own work is in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets when Harry, Ron, and Hermione suspect that Draco Malfoy is the heir of Slytherin. SPOILERS: he isn't, but they follow the red herring to its end, only to learn the truth and to have to go back and re-examine what they know and what they may have missed. That's what a red herring should do. It should be believable, it should excite the readers and characters both into following it, and even when it turns out to be a false lead, at least one thing new should have been learned from it, either immediately or in a scene that comes shortly afterward. It's a trick, but it isn't supposed to be a trick that's cruel to the reader's. Treat it like a magic trick! It should be exciting, and you should have questions when it's done, but you shouldn't feel cheated or bored by it because it was a trick.
So that's it for today on this subject, folks. Maybe a shorter lesson than usual, but see the next post for more; after all, today's a double lesson!
FOR PRACTICE
This is an easy one today! Well, kind of. All I want is for you to give me an example of Chekhov's Gun in something you wrote or something you read. In case I'm not familiar with the work in question, make sure you explain why it's a good example, though I'd appreciate you being as spoiler-free as you can manage, too.
If you want to be an overachiever, tell me about some red herrings to top it off!
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Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 18:06:13 GMT -5
LESSON FIVE - A DIGRESSION ON VOICE
This is a section I've been really excited to talk about, mostly because it needs the attention. See, voice is very important, and I mean that both in terms of active voice vs. passive voice and in terms of your character's voice. Let's start with the technical stuff first.
ACTIVE VS. PASSIVE VOICE
The first thing you need to know about active and passive voice is how to distinguish the two. Lucky for you, I have a fun trick.
If you can add "by zombies" after the verb and it makes sense, it's passive. See?
"The mouse ran away" is an active sentence because it makes no sense to put "by zombies" anywhere in there. However, "The mouse was chased" is passive, because "The mouse was chased by zombies" is a perfectly sensible sentence (if you're talking about a world where zombies exist).
And if you want to get technical, in the active voice, the subject (here, the mouse) performs the verb (in the first example, running). In the passive voice, the subject (still the mouse) is acted on by the verb by another force (in this case, the chasing by zombies).
So what's the big deal? Why is it so important to know the difference between the two? Well, ideally, you want to use active voice. Active voice gives your characters a sense of agency, a sense that they are the ones making the choices. When you say "Brutus killed Caesar," it sounds like Brutus made that choice. He did the deed. But if you say "Caesar was killed by Brutus," then it feels like Caesar had no choice in the matter, and that it's happening to him as you watch helplessly. Because of this, because you want your characters to feel lively and because their choices need to seem like their own rather than fate or the author's will, active voice is ideal.
However, however, however! Passive voice is not the devil, as some people will tell it. It's actually very useful, especially in scenes where your character doesn't have a choice and when you want the action to feel slower. It depends largely on the context you're using. I personally enjoy using the barest hint of the passive in scenes of surprise. For example, "Birchstorm took the barest step backward, only to be tackled by his other sister from behind." Birchstorm isn't prepared at all for his sister's leap, and especially if this is a fun scene (maybe Birchstorm is just returning from a long journey when one sister startles him and then the other one pounces in delight), then the passive voice makes it feel less serious. If I wrote "Birchstorm took the barest step backward, only for his other sister to tackle him from behind," then it seems like this was a planned event, and almost reads more like an assault, like one sister meant to push him back into the range of the other. Of course, it still depends on the larger context, but can you feel the difference between the two voices?
Basically, use passive sparingly, but make it count when you use it. It can be very handy.
DIALOGUE
Hey, here's that other kind of voice! I'll admit, dialogue is tricky for me. Getting it to sound just right takes a lot of effort, but the results are well worth it. There are a couple aspects of getting your dialogue just right, too: word choice and natural sound. Let's start with the first part.
See, word choice is important all the time. All the time. I find it particularly important when it comes to characters in different generations. A kit is going to sound a lot different than an elder. A kit is likely to ask more questions, use plainer words (but stop making your kits use baby talk if you want them to be interesting; they're young and inexperienced, not dumb, especially if you consider that compared to humans, cats mature at a far faster rate, so your talking kits should probably either not talk at all and not be main characters, or they should be capable of forming coherent sentences, even if they're simple), while an elder is more likely to use larger words, or perhaps ramble off on a tangent instead of staying straight on topic. This will vary by character (some elders may be losing their mental faculties slowly, and some kits may be sharper and smarter than others), but in terms of a general pattern, this is what you might see. As such, a kit is more likely to have dialogue like "Can we go look at the lake, please, please? We want to go look at the lake and all the birds!" On the flip side, an elder may say, "I remember the trails down to the beach, and all the coltsfoot that grew at the edge of the sand. The pesky mice liked to eat it all just before we needed it most." Again, it'll vary based on the character speaking, but can you feel the difference in the character's tones? That's what word choice can do.
Additionally, choose your pronouns wisely, because they can tell a lot about a character. Take this scene from How the Mighty Fall as an example.
Think about it for a minute. What's the big difference between Stonetail and Coal in this scene?
If you said it's the pronouns they use, you're right! Notice how Stonetail uses a lot of "me" and "I" in her argument. This is one of her earlier scenes in the fic, when she's still selfish, still upset at the changes to her life without considering the changes in others' lives, too. Then there's Coal, who uses "we" and "us" very frequently. His bond with his brother is incredibly strong, and he thinks of his brother first, provided he's not thinking of he and his brother as a unit joined at the hip. The way your character speaks about the troubles in their life to others, the way they argue, even the way they can celebrate, can provide clues as to how they feel and behave. A shy cat might not say much. An arrogant cat might boast only of their achievements/interrupt others' achievements with their own. A gentle cat might listen happily to someone else's troubles and offer support without asking for it in return. There are other types of characters, other types of reactions, but how your characters talk to one another is an excellent clue as to how they behave.
Finally, in terms of word choice, consider how your character behaves. Maybe they talk a little stiffly if they're a very lawful sort. Maybe they're a cavalier rogue, and like to use all sorts of slang and jokes when they speak. Think about who your characters are, where they're from and who they regularly interact with (characters can pick up habits and phrases from others just as we can!), and what their experiences are. Those things will shape their dialogue.
But let's talk about natural sound, because that's important, to. Go back up and reread the scene between Stonetail and Coal. It feels like a real argument, doesn't it? Tempers are flaring, and cruel things are being said. There's no stiffness to it. Everything is coming out angry and in a rush. Pay attention to this in happy scenes, too. If a pair of cats has been desperately hoping for kits, and the mother tells the father, "I'm pregnant," the father isn't going to go, "That's great!" and go on with life. That's a huge revelation. That should stop his world because that's something they've been dreaming of together and it's finally happening. He might stammer and have a hard time finding the words to express his joy. Maybe he'll ask lots of excited questions about how his mate knows or if she knows how many there might be or when she found out or when they're due, among other things. Maybe he'll be so choked up that he doesn't say anything and just purrs so loud he's practically vibrating. Your dialogue needs to reflect the emotions at the time, especially when strong emotions are in play. However, when there are very basic emotions in play, especially the more neutral ones, just make sure your dialogue isn't too stiff. "Birchstorm, the west border needs re-marking in the morning" sounds more natural and easy than "Birchstorm, the western border must be re-marked at dawn." Unless your character is ridiculously stiff for good reason (haughty kittypet? elder of an age of stiffness gone by? something else?), then try to avoid all the high and mighty pompous dialogue.
Beyond that, there's one more thing I want to talk about.
DIRECTLY ADDRESSING THE READER
Stop doing it. If you have lots of experience, or if you're writing in second person (which, again, you should have lots of practice with before seriously writing and sharing work in it), then maybe you can get away with it, but if you're just starting out or if you're a little unsure of yourself, stop it. To begin with, you want to get some mastery of first and third person before you ever address the reader whatsoever. You also want to develop some mastery of characters and plot as well, or addressing the reader will fall flat.
See, haven't we all read stories that start out as "My name is Blankfur, and I'm going to tell you my story"? Or maybe it's "You won't believe the things that happened to me, but let me tell you anyway."
That especially needs to stop. It's sloppy, and moreover, it breaks the illusion of being immersed in the story. Your reader should be so absorbed in the tale that they forget it's being told to them, but an opening like that breaks the illusion immediately, and sometimes indefinitely, which makes a story much more boring. It strips away any suspense because it suggests that the character speaking survived it all unharmed, or that they're a ghost or something telling a cautionary tale. It's no fun, so please, please, please, stop addressing the reader directly when you tell a story, especially when it's in first person.
I'm sure some of you are bound and determined to master it, though, and I admire your tenacity. Want an example of how to do it?
For one, reread this lecture series.
That's right! I've been largely using a first/second person blend to teach you guys. Granted, this is a lecture and not a story, so directly addressing you, dear reader (stop using "dear reader" in your stories, too!), isn't a mistake. This is very literally meant for you. But when you're using it in fiction, it needs to be done very carefully.
For one, I recommend that stories written in second person do not specify a gender. Don't write something along the lines of "You are proud queen, looking over your kits," because your readers who don't identify as female will immediately feel alienated. "You are a proud parent, looking over your kits" eliminates the idea of assigning a gender to the reader's character, so they can better imagine themselves in the space you're creating. Be very, very conscious of this when you work with second person.
If you're writing in first person where your character speaks to their audience, however, that's another story. It should be offhand, without making a fuss about it. Take this short example to better illustrate the point.
Here, the reader is engaged in imagining just what the main character is facing, and because they're engaged, involved, it's less odd to think about the character directly addressing them. At the risk of perhaps showing favoritism, I recommend giving "In My Mother's Skies" by ~Sapphire~ a read, as it does a nice job including subtle instances of directly addressing the reader that aren't glaring or annoying in any fashion. It's very well done, if I do say so myself.
FOR PRACTICE
You guys get some freedom today! With this one, I recommend writing a short scene with dialogue, and if you include cats of more than one age group, even better. Use the dialogue to show me their personality, try to avoid stiff dialogue, and make sure I have at least a little context for what the scene is about. Remember your previous lessons, too, and do your best to show me some emotion as well.
For those of you feeling very brave, you can try to write something either in second person or in first person addressing the reader, but know that I will be very, very picky about how I critique those.
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Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 18:08:48 GMT -5
LESSON SIX - SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL
Last lesson, everyone! And this one's an easy one to close out. I'm not kidding. The hardest thing about this one, is just to remember your five senses.
Easy peasy.
In case you need a refresher, though (like me, who always has to list these things out to be 100% certain that I've got it right), your five senses are sight, taste, touch, smell, and hearing. Some stories will require a sixth sense, like ESP or something of that nature, but that's more creative and mostly up to you. Today, we're just talking about the basic five.
SENSORY DETAILS
Get used to thinking about these guys, because they're so useful. Granted, when most people write, they're already relying on one set of sensory details: the details that pertain to sight. Describing all that a character can see is entirely a series of sensory details. Since sight is so common, I'm not even going to get into it that much. The ball is blue, the fish is red, I'm white as a sheet for not going outside as often as I should. You get the point.
But there are other details. How does someone's voice sound? What's that flower smell like? I told you not to eat that funny leaf; they all taste like rotten eggs. Isn't that log really bumpy when you step on it?
Voila. There you go. Sensory details are an important tool for giving the reader not only a clearer picture of what's happening, but for giving them the opportunity to imagine a scene in full.
Better yet, here's an example. Pretend you're watching a movie. It's in black and white, and there's no sound. Some movies, true, are good at this, but for best results imagine a modern movie, and isn't that boring? Okay, now add color. That's more exciting. It's more defined, and you can see more. But add sound, and suddenly everything falls into play. This example doesn't cover all the senses, of course (when you can smell things in movies, let me know and I'll stay far away; I suspect lots of movie smells will be rather awful), but see how appealing to more senses gives a more complete notion of what's supposed to be happening in a scene? Sensory details work like that.
Sensory details don't always have to be pleasant, either. You don't have to get graphic, but if something smells bad, make that perfectly clear to your readers so they can understand just how rotten a stench the characters are experiencing. Is the sound of that one bird really, really grating? I hope that, without going overboard in detail, you're making your reader imagine a sound they really hate so they understand just how irritating that bird is.
Use sensory details to your advantage whenever appropriate to do so. It works wonderfully.
WRITING A CHARACTER MISSING A SENSE
Yes, you can do this, and they don't always have to be blind (though that's a very good place to start, since it forces you to rely on other sensory details; as poorly-written as I find the Warriors series to be, Jayfeather's POV is a great example of how to avoid details discovered through sight). Maybe a character is deaf. Maybe mute. Maybe, for some reason, they can't smell or taste anything. Maybe they've lost all feeling in one limb or something of that nature. Because of a missing sense, you need to do your best to be fully conscious of the details you use. This is true in third person, and even more true in first person. If a character is blind, they better not be telling me that they're a ginger tabby (exceptions made for characters who previously had sight; just be sure that only past descriptions include sight details). If they're deaf, I don't expect to hear the birdsong of the forest. Always be aware of the type of sensory detail you're using, and if it's appropriate for the character in question. In fact, being conscious of what you're writing is an all-around good skill. You can just slap words on the page for a first draft, but as you continue to edit and revise and improve (which you should always do, always, always, always), you need to be aware of what you're writing and how it connects to your characters and your plot and so on. Be aware. Always.
FOR PRACTICE
I told you this was a short lesson, didn't I? Anyways, write a short scene (in first or third person, your choice) from the POV of a character who is blind. I want you working on those other senses!
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Asexual
ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ
do you walk in the valley of kings? do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to dream?
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Post by ᴛᴜᴇsᴅᴀʏ on May 10, 2017 18:09:43 GMT -5
LESSON SEVEN - PARTING WORDS
This isn't really a lesson, to be honest.
Guys, it's been a treat running this class. Y'all have been so enthusiastic and eager, and I think you've really gotten the hang of what I've been trying to say the last few weeks, so good work on that front! Seriously, good work. I'm proud of you guys and all you've done!
But there's something I want you to remember: not everything here is a hard and fast rule. It's all more like guidelines, and they're my guidelines at that. True, they can all make your work better (especially when you use them all together; these lessons are like a well-oiled machine, because if you want to use them, they work best when you use more than one), but you can also bend the rules a little to fit your fic and your writing style rather than mine. I recommend only outright breaking the rules after you have a solid understanding of how to use the lessons (doesn't this apply to a lot? don't break the rules unless you know exactly what the consequences are and why), but hey, if you're feeling brave, go for it. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide how you want to write and how you're going to make it unique and well-written and yours.
So go forth, my friends. Go forth, and write good fic. You can do it.
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Post by ☾ Cʀᴇsᴄᴇɴᴛ ☽ on May 15, 2017 20:50:35 GMT -5
OMG I REMEMBER THIS.
Wow, I didn't realize how much of an old timer I really was. I feel like this class was just a few weeks ago or something... Weird XD
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Post by ☾ Cʀᴇsᴄᴇɴᴛ ☽ on May 15, 2017 20:59:37 GMT -5
Oh haha, I guess I just have a bad memory. But I'm so glad to see you revived this. I loved all the lessons so much. Man, I love to WFF.
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