ⓓⓔⓒⓔⓘⓣ || completed!

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“I’m expecting kits.”

I watched, horrified, as Brackenstar sat there, unmoving. His face was stoic and his muscles bunched, eyes then suddenly widening. “What? Thornshade, you…you were going to be my deputy, not one of my queens!” Brackenstar croaked, his eyes flitting to my growing belly.

“I haven’t told him yet…,” I managed, my heart searing with red-hot pain. I’d told Brackenstar, I’d most definitely told the tomcat. But maybe I shouldn’t have. Maybe I should’ve just forgotten about my leader. But I couldn’t forget about Brackenstar. He’d spent so much time with me…

“Race you to the lakeshore!” I cried gleefully as I tore ahead of Brackenheart, my paws barely skimming the ground. The mottled tom raced behind me, his eyes squinted in determination.

“I’ll beat you this time!” Brackenheart yowled, tearing forward beyond my body. Giving a low hiss, I shot after him. The path to the old tree suddenly swerved down into a steep slope, which made it quite hard to keep my paws steady. Then, an idea came into my mind. I knew at the pace he was running, I couldn’t beat him now, but maybe, just maybe, I could slow him down. Smirking, I spread my front legs as far out as they could go, and then flopped on my side with a mock yowl of pain, and lay there, panting.

“Thornshade?! Are you okay? What happened?” Brackenheart meowed from farther down the hill, and then raced as quickly as he could towards me.

“I hurt my paw. Or maybe I wrenched my shoulder…” I mumbled dumbly as he stood over me, his amber eyes wide and glimmering with worry.

“That’s not good. Here, lemme help you up. Can you put any weight on it?” he mewed, gently nosing me to my feet, while I leaned heavily on his shoulders.

Now. Do it now, I told myself as I stood shakily. “Maybe I can…”

Then, with a mrraoww of triumph, I planted my paws firmly on the ground, and tore off down the hill as fast as my body allowed me to go.

“Got you, mouse-brain!” I yowled back to him as I turned to look at him. The deputy’s eyes were wide, but his tail was lashing wildly.

“No fair, Thornshade!!” he cried, trying to put on more speed. But it was no use. I’d already left the woods behind, and was on the lakeshore, a few fox-lengths away from the glistening water. Panting, I sat down in the soft sandy dirt, and waited for my friend to catch up.

Finally, he burst out of the trees, and marched over to me. “No fair! You little cheater!” he purred, and plopped down beside me.

“Told you I’d beat you to it, furball.” I replied, and felt myself leaning into his soft fur.

“You’d already won me over a long time ago, Thornshade.” he whispered, and suddenly I felt our tails entwining.


I like this feeling a whole lot, I realized with a sickening jolt, but I let it slide for the time being. I was with Brackenheart, after all.

Shaking my head, I returned to reality. “Brackenstar, I’m so sorry . . .” I breathed, and I felt my heart cringing as his eyes wilted into dark, clouded pools of amber. Thornshade, you are a completely badger-brained idiot! I thought to myself. “I can’t ... be your deputy, as much as I want it to be so. Besides… you and I both know I haven’t mentored an apprentice yet,” I added after a moment.

The mottled tom still looked hurt, and I knew there were waves of anger and confusion welling up inside of him as sure as the moon rose to touch the stars each night. He studied his paws carefully, as if they held the answer to this whole unpredictable mess.

“Rules were only meant to guide us. We can’t change them, but you and I both know we can break them,” he murmured. I shook my head and opened my mouth to reply, but Brackenstar continued before I could say anything. “Remember the leader Firestar? He was chosen as deputy long after moonhigh. So why can’t I just give you an apprentice in a moon or so when Fallenkit’s ready to be mentored? Plus, you could get a break while you’‘re in the nursery from duties, so you’d be ready to go as soon as all the kits were ready to be apprenticed,” he stopped when he realized I wasn’t paying attention. “Thornshade, my sweet. Look at me, please.”

I slowly lifted my head to turn and face him, my body suddenly feeling cold and sore from fighting Berrybramble. “Brackenstar,” I began shakily, “I made a promise.”

“It’ll be oka-“

“No, it won’t! If you think it’s okay for a pregnant she-cat to be a deputy, let alone mentor, when there are so many other perfectly fine warriors who would be better deputies and mentors then I ever will be, then you shouldn’t be leader!” I snarled, my claws digging into the dirt. I could feel my neck fur bristling and my golden-brown tail lashing “Good day, Brackenstar,” I hissed, and stalked out of the den and into the woods, intercepting many stares from my clanmates as they saw me exit the thorn barrier.

Then, without a thought about the lives inside me, I tore away from camp, yowling in fury. I was such a mouse-brained she-cat, trying too hard to have Birchfur and Brackenstar as mates, trying too hard to hide my secrets from each of them. And I was trying, most of all, to convince myself that these kittens were Birchfur’s. How could I tell the poor tomcat? He was too sweet and innocent, so kind…

The branches whipped past my face, the lowest ones scraping my muscled body. As I looked up at a tree coming nearer, I could see it begin to transform, the withered bark morphing into mottled and pale-brown and white fur, with mismatching green and amber eyes, each fighting for superiority.

“I wish I’d never met them! I wish they’d died!!” I snarled in rage, flinging my already-battered body at the large oak tree, hardly hearing the thudding sound of my body against bark as the pain ricocheted through me. I landed with a thud, my body bruised and bleeding. Chunks of bark stuck to my body, and the sticky sap matted my fur as the blood trickled like a scarlet stream through my pelt.

“Why do I even bother now, hmm? Why shouldn’t I tell Birchfur? I suppose Brackenst-“

“Thornshade? Is that…you?”

StarClan help me, I thought as I heard my mate’s high and worried tone. I looked away from the tree, and calmed my ruffled fur.
“I…I thought I was alone,” I whispered, as I stood and walked over stiffly to Birchfur. The pale brown-and-white tom’s green gaze was bright with fear.

“Why do you need to be alone, love?” he murmured, as I pressed my fur into his. I felt like my paws were weighed down by heavy stones, and my side ached from the pain of the smack into the tree’s rough bark.

“I was just…” I stopped. I couldn’t tell him now, how I’d been sneaking off with Brackenstar for moons, how I was in agony with all the endless lies I’d told him, how my heart was so twisted with pain for him, for what my sweetheart was about to discover so soon. How his whole life he’d believed lies, lies his own mate whom he loved with all his heart had told him, almost mercilessly. “I was just…just,” I faltered, “just so heartbroken. I’ve been keeping a secret from you, Birchfur.” I mewed, sitting down on the forest floor, with my tail entwined happily with his.

“What is it?” he demanded, his fire-green gaze scorching my own.

“I…”

Thornshade, you fool! Say it! Tell him about his brother!

“I…I’m expecting kits, love.” I purred, pressing my broken body into his lean, muscled one. His soft scent wreathed around me, making my head spin. Sage and squirrel, yes, that’s what Birchfur smells like, I thought, as he leaned over to lick me on the cheek, his tongue warm and soft against my golden-brown tabby fur. We sat there with one another for a while, enjoying one another, until I felt him pull away stiffly.

“That’s marvelous! But . . . Thornshade, you’ve gotten so battered! That can’t be any good for the kits, can it?” he murmured, his breath warm on my fur as he sat down beside me to look at my face.

“Oh, StarClan . . .” I breathed. “I forgot, I forgot about the kits!” What am I gonna do when the kits come and they’re all dead? I thought with a rush of panic. I scrambled to my paws, limping heavily on my rear leg as I walked as quickly as I could back to camp. “I have to see Lichenpaw, Birchfur! I could’ve hurt them!” I fussed. My mate raced over to my side, and let me lean on him.

“Take it easy, Thornshade. We’ll get there. The medicine den isn’t going anywhere, and neither is Lichenpaw nor Berrybramble.” he soothed, brushing his tail along my back. Sighing, I walked along as quickly as I could without tripping over various things on the forest floor. It seemed like forever until we finally reached the camp entrance, the brambles a welcoming sight. Brushing past the thorns, I limped into the clearing, where the sun was just beginning to set.

“Thornshade! What in the Dark Forest happened to you?!” Swallowflight’s worried mewl echoed into my ears from where she sat with a large vole next to Birdflight. The tawny-colored she-cat raced over and took one look at my muddied and blood-stained pelt and let out a small cry.

“I’m . . . fine.” I croaked. “Just got caught in some thorn bushes and tripped a couple times. Nothing Lichenpaw or Berrybramble can’t fix.” I added, glancing at Birchfur to make sure he didn’t say anything.

“I went out to look for her, and found her like this.” My mate meowed coolly, his green gaze holding my sister’s. Swallowflight nodded, and then walked away with the Clan on her tail, asking about me. I shook my head, and walked into the den with Birchfur at my side.

“Lichenpaw?” I called wearily.

“Oh! Great StarClan, you scared me out of my fur!” The young apprentice mewed, her blue eyes wide in surprise, her black-as-night fur bristling.

“Sorry. I was just wondering if you could fix me up?” I mewed politely.

“Sure. Thanks for bringing her in, Birchfur.” she said dismissively. The pale tabby tom dipped his head, and left with a swish of his tail. I quickly limped over to the nest she motioned to, and dropped down with a heavy sigh.

“How did you get that scratch on your side? Actually, it’s more like a gash, huh?” Lichenpaw asked, as she sniffed my scratches and tenderly touched my shoulder and the raw scrape along my left side. I flinched as the pain shot through my body when she touched the gash with her nose.

“I got caught in a thorn bush, and when I got out I fell on a rock,” I murmured quickly. I couldn’t tell the medicine cat I slammed my body into a tree while I was expecting kits!

“Wait a sec, Thornshade,” she mewed, placing her small black paw along my belly, and running it across my flanks. “You know you’re expecting kits, right?”

I purred gleefully. “Yes. Berrybramble told me this morning.”

“Good, then. Lemme get you all patched up.” she stood and walked into a small clef and stuck her head inside. “Now, you’re going to have to stay off your paws for a good two or three days to rest your back, leg, and shoulder. You wretched them pretty badly.” she called back, her voice muffled. After another second, she scurried out and dropped the herbs at my side and began to chew them into a poultice and press them in my wounds. I squirmed as a sharp stab of pain etched from my belly and traveled along my body. I hadn’t eaten since dawn, just before my patrol.

“Hey,” I said attentively, “will the kits be okay? Should I move into the nursery anytime soon?”

Lichenpaw thought for a moment. “I think so, but moving into the nursery in a moon or so would be good. We can’t risk anymore injuries.”

I nodded. “Sure. I’ll talk to Brac-“

“All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath Highledge to hear my words!” My mate’s call rang out from the top of the rock in the setting sun.

“Let’s go see,” The small black apprentice mewed as she and I stood to pad into the clearing. The sunlight dazzled my eyes, so I squeezed them shut to numb the glare. As I opened them again, I noted that Lichenpaw went to sit with her mentor, so I quickly limped over to where Swallowflight was sitting with Icepool, a good friend of hers.

“Where were you earlier? I saw you tear out of camp; is everything okay?” My littermate asked quietly while the Clan still gathered. Sympathy glowed in her blue eyes as she looked at me.

“I’m fine. Just needed to get out for a little.”

“Why were you in the medic-“

“Shush, you two! Brackenstar’s speaking!” Icepool cut in, her fluffy white tail lashing in the dust.

With that, I glanced up at the mottled brown tom. His fur glowed in the sunset, his amber eyes bright. He was so handsome.

“Cats of StormClan,” he began, his voice loud and strong, “our previous deputy, Scorchclaw, died of greencough just before dawn.” The tom paused, his eyes glimmering with sadness. I glanced back to see Berrybramble, whose eyes were sparkling with tears as she glanced over at the dead cat’s body. I had hardly noticed it in her den earlier, much less now when I’d entered camp again. But my mate’s voice cut into my thoughts roughly. “We will hold his vigil shortly, but as it is stated in the warrior code, I must give us a new deputy before moonhigh tonight. My senior warriors considered our choices carefully, and I know in due time, our Clan will be as strong as ever under this cat’s leadership, along with mine own. Now, I say these words before StarClan, so that Scorchclaw may hear and approve my choice. Thornshade will be the new deputy of StormClan.”

Silence filled the air as my heart sped wildly. Will the Clan allow your deputyship?! And can you be deputy? The thought suddenly dawned on me. I was expecting kits, for StarClan’s sake!

“She hasn’t had an apprentice!” It was Dewtail. The blue-gray tom’s dappled fur bristled as he stood from the crowd and howled out his challenge.

“That’s why I’ve decided to give her Fallenkit in a half-moon, as soon as he’s ready to become apprenticed with his siblings.” Brackenstar replied coolly to his young warrior. Dewtail didn’t look pleased, but he bowed his head in acknowledgment. He knew the warrior code as well as I did - the Clan leader’s word was the law.

I looked hesitantly at Swallowflight, who looked as if she was about to burst with pride. Her chest was puffed, and her blue eyes shone wildly. My sister’s jaws dropped open, and suddenly I heard her words float on the air.

“Thornshade! Thornshade!!”

I stood to look around at my Clan as the echoed her words. I felt alive, honored. “Thornshade!” they yowled. I purred, and realized everyone was watching me.

“Say you accept, quick, before he takes it back!” Swallowflight hissed in my ear.

“I would be honored to be your deputy, Brackenstar,” I answered as he came forward to look me in the eye. The mottled tom purred, and I licked the top of his head, completing our ceremony.

“I knew you would.” he whispered, his eyes glowing.

I then made my mind up. I knew everything I would have to do, have to say. But I would have to break a delicate heart to follow the path I choose, regardless of which tom kept my love.

* * *

It was just before dawn – three days after I’d become deputy - and I was swiftly exiting the warrior’s den to go into Brackenstar’s own. My back and shoulder seemed to have repaired themselves almost overnight, so I supposed the bruises weren’t so bad. I could only feel a slight, gnawing pain in my leg. As soon as I exited the small bush, I saw the elders and Berrybramble padding away with Scorchclaw’s body, decorated with mint and rosemary, his fur groomed and shining. How can I ever become as great of a deputy as he was? I gave a soft sigh, but continued on to my leader’s den. I stuck my head cautiously inside, and saw my mate.

“Brackenstar?” I whispered. The mottled tom looked over at me, and motioned with his tail for me to enter. I slid inside the dim den, and softly sat down next to him. “I have something to say, darling.”

He looked at me, his amber eyes questioning. “Do you want to be deput-“

I cut him off. “Yes, of course I do,” I purred, flicking his ear with my tail. Then, I took a deep, slow breath, and felt my heart jump in my throat. Do you even dare to say it? “But there’s . . . something else. Remember how I said I was having kits?” He nodded, his amber eyes glowing.

“Yes. What is it, love?

“The kits…they’re yours. Not Birchfur’s. I’m going to have to tell him…tell him…” I stopped, my heart writhing in anguish. I loved Birchfur, so much. But I loved Brackenstar so much more. But how could I tell him I didn’t want to be his mate anymore, when I still loved him?

“Oh, Thornshade, I . . . I’m so sorry.”

I was confused. Why was he sorry for me? I looked at him, more closely now. His amber eyes seemed to be filmed with darkness, yet his coat seemed sleeker than ever, even at the end of leaf-fall. “Why are you sorry? It’s my fault I got myself in this mess!” I exclaimed. “I choose Birchfur but then I-I broke the promise I made, so long ago. I fai-“

“No, you didn’t fail anyone. I screwed up your life. I made you follow me into the woods, that first time.”

The first time we looked at each other, the first time we entwined our tails. The first time…the first time I realized I…I loved you. I almost spoke the words aloud, but held myself back, just barely. It was too gushy for this serious moment.

I purred, and pressed my warm body into his fur and entwined my tail with his own. “I know. I remember, so well. But it’s time for me to face my past, and make these kits’ lives easier. Darling, I don’t know what he’ll do. But please know I’m not doing it for me, despite all of the selfish choices I’ve made. I’m doing it for the kits, for… us,” I murmured.

Brackenstar nodded. “Alright. Go organize patrols, and make sure you send one to the ShadeClan border. The scent lines over there yesterday were faint.” Then, all of a sudden, he leaned over and licked my cheek. “I love you, Thornshade. May StarClan go with you,” he meowed as I stood up and padded softly to the den entrance.

“And the same to you, my love,” I whispered to him as I exited the den.

I trotted over to the Highledge, and sat down. I had patrols to organize. I glanced at the warriors who had gathered round me, their eyes gleaming and ears pricked.

“Alright then. Ambershine, could you take Icepool, Pollenpaw, Oakfur, and one more cat to the ShadeClan border and patrol there?” I asked the golden-brown she-cat as padded forward.

“Sure.” she nodded, then gathered the cats around her, and quickly set out. I looked around again.

“Pinetail, please take Goldenfur, Olivecloud, and Lilypetal out hunting. I don’t think the Ancient Oak has been hunted at recently. Perhaps you could go there?” I told the brown tabby warrior quickly. The tom cat nodded, and went to hail his patrol.

“Okay, let’s see…” I murmured to myself, and then up at the group forming around me, “Swallowflight, Reedtail, Owlpaw, and Breezeclaw, you can go hunting as well. Kestrelwing, take Littlefoot, Larkpaw, and Ashfoot along the GaleClan border.” I mewed, trying to sound as commanding as I could.

Swallowflight dipped her head, and Kestrelwing agreed with a flick of his tail.

I continued to set patrols for the next few minutes, and then quickly limped into the medicine den. I was supposed to keep off my shoulder and leg, which I would faithfully do, for poor Berrybramble’s sake. The she-cat was still heartbroken over Scorchclaw’s death. I couldn’t blame her - I knew how hard it’d been for me to get over Eagleclaw and Fernspot’s – my father and mother’s - deaths.

I quickly peered inside, and saw Berrybramble lying in her nest, her eyes glazed over.

“Oh, darling. It’ll be okay,” I murmured as I walked inside and lay down next to her.

“Is Lichenpaw out?” I asked quietly. The she-cat just gave a quick nod, and sighed.

“Thornshade, it’s so…hard. Scorchclaw was the best father I could’ve dreamed of. He was the one who told me to follow my heart - and it led me here. Oh, I miss him…” she murmured quietly.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. Scorchclaw was a phenomenal deputy - he took care of everything, he helped everyone, loved the whole Clan…” I comforted, softly grooming her creamy pelt, which was matted and full of dust. She and I sat there for a while, stuck in our thoughts. My mind was whirling with what I had to do later, with Birchfur. I would hate myself for it, I knew I would. And I was afraid… afraid he’d hate me.

“Thornshade, I know what you’ve tried to hide,” Berrybramble said suddenly after I’d finished cleaning her; the she-cat’s ice-blue eyes were dark and solemn. “I wish I could’ve helped you, like a good friend,” she murmured.

I looked at the creamy medicine cat, my eyes wide. “W-what?” My head was full of dizzying thoughts.

“I noticed how much time you and Birchfur spent together, but then, then I noted how Brackenstar – Brackenheart, a deputy, then -- watched you, spent time with you out of camp, how he purred when you stood with him. But I need to know one thing, my dear.”

I stood, my injured leg suddenly growing stiff and sore. My fur bristled uncomfortably along my spine. “What?” I whispered.
“Who is father to your kits, Thornshade?”

I glanced at my growing belly, suddenly faced with a conflict. How can I tell one of my good friends that I don’t love the mate everyone thinks I do? I could feel the angered screech I wanted to release building up inside me, growing and growing until it seemed to consume me, but I let it go as the fear of discovery began to take over me. It was better if I just out-right told her; there would be no more secrets between us. At least, from me to her, anyways.

“The father of my kits . . . is Brackenstar,” I breathed.

Berrybramble sat there in thought for a while, and so did I. I didn’t know what else I could say to make this any better.

“What are you going to tell Birchfur?” she mewed quietly after a long while.

“I-I…don’t know.” I whispered, allowing my head to drop gloomily to my chest as I sat down again.

“Be careful, my dear. Be careful.”

    I stayed there until the Gathering the next night. I had sobbed and dreamed and swallowed herbs all day. But I knew even thyme couldn’t get me over the shock of sweet Birchfur’s death. The tom had meant so much to me. I guess what they say is true – you really do miss something more when it’s gone. And, in my case, forever.

    “All cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath Highledge to hear my words!” Brackenstar yowled into the night. I limped out with Lichenpaw and Berrybramble at my side, and continued until I was underneath the Highledge with Berrybramble on my right. I watched the Clan gather, suddenly self-conscious of my wide belly and somewhat dusty fur. I looked out and remembered what each face would’ve meant to my dead mate -- Swallowflight would’ve been a good friend, Owlpaw his most favorite apprentice, and Cloudpatch the elder a wonderful story weaver.

    “All cats of StormClan will mourn Birchfall’s death. He was a loyal warrior and a great friend to us all, and will be remembered moons and moons from now. But tonight is the night of the Gathering, so I must bring warriors and apprentices with me. I told you all earlier who would be going, so whomever is coming please gather by the thorn barrier. We leave shortly,” he called, and the cats began to gather and murmur their goodbyes to one another at the exit. I lifted my head as I heard my sister’s pawstep’s pad towards me.

    “Will you be okay, Thornshade? I’m not coming tonight. Have fun,” she murmured, her green eyes glistening in the moonlight.

    “Yeah. I guess. I mean, deputies have to go, don’t they?” I murmured, licking my littermate’s ear.

    “Sure they do! Especially if it’s their first Gathering as one!” she purred. I gave her a nod, then stood join the group of cats, which Brackenstar was motioning to exit the camp. I padded up to my leader and briskly wrapped my tail around his for a few seconds.

    “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and he and I continued around the lake in silence. I gave a small purr as I heard Owlpaw being scolded roughly by his mentor. The little tom got into everything he possibly could. I wonder if one of your kits would be like that, Brackenstar, I thought as I felt a small kick inside me, followed by a pang of sadness. Birchfur wouldn’t have died if you’d told them they were his. But would I have ever served my Clan as deputy? I thought, shaking my head to clear it from the thoughts of Birchfur. The warrior was gone, and I needed to concentrate on my new duties.

    Then, we were finally at the Island. I scented the air, and realized we were the first ones there. It was unusual -- CreekClan were always first. I wondered if anything had happened to them, maybe? I watched as Brackenstar swiftly clawed his way across the log, the wood bouncing under his weight. As soon as he had leapt across the roots, I scrambled over the branches and clawed my way across. It bounced as soon as I hit the middle, and dipped in the water, spattering my fur with icy water. Flicking my tail irritably, I jumped over the roots and landed on the island beside Brackenstar. The tom was gazing at the Great Tree, his muscles tense for the jump.

    “Wait!” I called, and watched the tom turn around and face me.

    “What, Thornshade?” he grumbled, his amber eyes cold.

    I padded up to him and brushed my muzzle along his, purring. “I love you,” I breathed. Brackenstar’s eyes closed for just a moment, and then he jumped up just in time, as Owlpaw gazed in awe at the small tree-enclosed space.

    “Whoa! This place is huge, Thornshade!” the excited apprentice cried, proceeding to sniff every bit of root, rock, and brush. I purred, and then continued to my place in the roots of the tree. It felt strange to sit here, and not out in the crowd of Clan cats. I decided tonight I would mingle just a bit -- I didn’t want to make everyone else sad. Eventually, all the Clans filtered in one by one, and began to share tongues politely. I dipped my head as the GaleClan deputy, Harefall, came forward to take his place.

    “Hello there. You’re Thornshade, right?” he mewed, his tone light.

    “Yes. I’m the new StormClan deputy. Scorchclaw died a few sunrises ago,” I answered, holding my head high.

    “GaleClan mourns your loss, Thornshade. Has your deputyship gone well so far?” the dusky brown tom asked as he settled down beside me on the roots.

    “It’s been fine. It has been hard, though.”

    “Why is that?”

    I looked at the tom, my memories suddenly hurting me. “My mate died, just last night. He drowned,” I replied quickly, dipping my head.

    “I’m sorry.”

    “What are you sorry for, Harefall?” A harsh voice demanded. It was Spottednight, the CreekClan deputy. The silver speckled tabby’s blue eyes glowed curiously.

    “Enough with the harsh tone, Spottednight. Her mate died just last night,” Harefall growled.

    “Oh, I see. You were just sympathizing and were hoping to take up with her, hmm?” the she-cat’s eyes held a mischievous glimmer as she spoke playfully to him.

    “Sure he was,” I murmured coldly, looking up at the deputy, who placed herself on my other side. I was in no mood for laughter tonight.

    “Where is Scorchclaw, she-cat? Warriors don’t sit under Great Tree,” Spottednight mewed as she settled herself down.

    “Scorchclaw died a few nights ago. I am Thornshade, the new deputy of StormCl-“

“The Gathering will now begin!” Brackenstar’s cry rang out in the Island, his voice clear and strong. I watched as the cats settled down, and waited for the leaders to begin. I gave a soft, half-hearted purr as I watched the ShadeClan deputy, Mossfire, bound quickly up to the roots and sit down next to Harefall, who purred, and whispered something in the she-cat’s ear. Mossfire proceeded to scowl, and flicked his ear with her tail tip. Meanwhile, I waited for the leaders to begin.

    It was Featherstar of CreekClan whom spoke first. “CreekClan are well, despite the drawing days of leaf-bare. Prey is plentiful, and we have named three new apprentices -- Minnowpaw, Mosspaw, and Deerpaw.”
“Minnowpaw! Mosspaw! Deerpaw!” I called, as StormClan spoke out. As soon as we were done, I heard her step back, and new pawsteps come forward.

    “ShadeClan have welcomed two new litters of kits into our Clan. Petalfur and Duskfeather are doing well, and we have made two new warriors -- Scratchleap and Eagleclaw!” Icestar called out, the she-cat’s voice strong.
“Scratchleap! Eagleclaw!” the Clans yowled. The two toms sat at the front of the crowd, their chest puffed and eyes bright.

    Finally, I heard Brackenstar’s voice among the leaders. “StormClan has survived the beginning of leaf-fall with plenty of prey. Though recently our Clan has face two deaths, the first and latest being the death of Birchfur, a loyal warrior to our Clan, and the most previous was Scorchclaw, the deputy. Thornshade is our new deputy of StormClan.”

    “Thornshade! Thornshade!” I ducked my head as the Clans called my name, embarrassment heating my already-hot pelt.

    Lastly, GaleClan made their report. “GaleClan is sorry for your losses, Brackenstar,” Rabbitstar dipped his pale head. “Meanwhile, GaleClan has fared well. No lives have been lost, and prey has been plentiful. We have nothing more to report.”
With that, the Gathering ended with a chilly wind. Mossfire’s green gaze caught my eye, but she waited until Harefall and Spottednight had padded away quickly to chat with the other warriors.

    “The new deputy, huh? I’m Mossfire, the ShadeClan deputy,” the she-cat mewed, studying me carefully.

    “I believe we’ve met before,” I answered, dipping my head. “So ShadeClan has fared leaf-fall well?” I added.

    “Oh, yes.” she replied. “Is StormClan strong as well?” Mossfire asked me, her gaze pointed at my wide belly.

    Suddenly, I felt embarrassed. I didn’t look that big, did I? “We’re fine,” I murmured after a moment, my heart heavy. Birchfur should be here. But it was all because of me he wasn’t.

    I was dragged out of my thoughts as Brackenstar’s paws hit the ground just in front of me, Featherstar literally on his tail as she jumped down after him.

    “Thornshade, we’re leaving,” he mewed, turning to look at me with a brisk flick of his tail.

    “Okay,” I answered, turning back to Mossfire. “StarClan guide your paws, Mossfire,” I mewed politely, and then walked after my leader with a friendly flick of my tail.

    “You too, Thornshade!” Mossfire called after me, rising to follow her own departing leader.

    I caught up with Brackenstar, flicking him on the ear. “Slow down, quick paws. I need to speak with you,” I growled playfully.
My mate dipped his head. “Okay, we can talk on the way back,” be answered, his amber gaze curious. “StormClan, we’re leaving!” he called back to the cats scattered behind him and the tree bridge just ahead. I watched as the cats gathered up and bolted back to us, and noticed a certain brown tabby apprentice still talking with a pretty silver tabby.

    “Owlpaw! Come on!” I yowled over to the tabby tom. The apprentice scurried over, flicking his tail in goodbye to the other apprentice.

    “Sorry, I was just telling Silverpaw about the biggest squirrel I’ve ever seen, and I actually caught! Do you remember it, the one Frogfoot ate?” Owlpaw mewed, his eyes bright.

    “Yeah,” I mewed, motioning for the apprentice to go ahead of me on the tree bridge.

    “Thanks. But anyway, I was hunting with Swallowflight, Reedtail, and Breezeclaw. And I saw this huge squirrel that was, like, this big!” he continued, leaping onto the bridge. But I watched with horror as Owlpaw spread his paws out on the tree, unhooking his claws and loosing his balance. He let out a squeak as he felt into the water on his back and went under.
I couldn’t feel anything in that moment. It was as if the whole world was standing still. My mind whirled and churned with the memories of a body, a brown and white body, sinking to the bottom. I felt like I was going to vomit, the sight disturbed me so much. But I snapped out of it, telling myself that no one else should have an ending like Birchfur.

    “Owlpaw! Someone help him!” I cried, gazing behind me. Frantically, I ran back until I smelled CreekClan, stopping in front of a brown she-cat, panting.

    “An apprentice just fell in the water! His mentor isn’t here, and I can’t swim! Can you ge-“

    “Say no more,” she growled, and raced ahead, her green eyes troubled. I watched impatiently as she dove in the water, her brown pelt mixing with the mud at the bottom. I could just barely see her, holding Owlpaw’s scruff in her mouth.
The she-cat swam to the top, her pelt shedding water like a duck’s feathers. The warrior swam with the sputtering Owlpaw to the bank, her movements swift and strong.

    “Owlpaw!” I called, scrambling over the bridge as quick as my clumsy paws could carry me.

    “Here you go. You’re Thornshade, right?” the CreekClan cat murmured.

    I nodded. “Thank you – so much,” I mewed, dipping my head to the warrior. I felt fur brush mine, and saw Brackenstar standing over Owlpaw.

    “Thank you, Echowing. You have all of StormClan’s thanks,” he mewed, dipping his head to the she-cat, who the trotted away to Featherstar, who was watching nearby.

    “Owlpaw! What were you thinking?” Brackenstar growled, looking at the sodden apprentice.

    “Sorry,” he murmured, shaking his pelt and spattering us with raindrops.

    “Go find Breezeclaw and stay with him; tell him what happened,” Brackenstar dismissed the apprentice, who walked away, his tail dragging in the sand.

    “Now, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” My leader asked, licking my ear quickly.

    “I’m worried about the kits, love. I was talking to Berrybramble the other day, and she said it’s probably time to get me into the nursery.” I answered, watching Brackenstar’s expression.

    “Okay then. I’ll find a stand-in deputy tonight, and you can move into the nursery tomorrow. I’ll make an announcement in the morning. And, could you sleep in my den with me tonight? It’s quite cold in there,” he told me, his amber eyes warm.
“Sure,” I purred, entwining my tail with his at the back of the crowd of StormClan cats. I hoped no one noticed.

    I walked warily into Brackenstar’s den, my heart full of hurt, happiness, and the endless ache of Birchfur’s death still inside me. My mottled mate was already inside, curled up in a half-circle on the far side of his nest, his head on his paws. He looked at me, his eyes bright in the dim of the dark den.

    “Are you okay, Thornshade?” he asked quietly as I dropped heavily next to him in the nest, full of soft swan’s feathers and fresh moss.
    
    Bless little Owlpaw, I thought. The tabby tom had gone into Berrybramble’s den as soon as he’d gotten back from the Clan gathering, which happened every full moon. All four of the Clans – ShadeClan, StormClan, CreekClan, and GaleClan – met to discuss the going-ons in each Clan and to talk with one another in peace. His mother, Brindlefur, was horrified, but quickly was soothed by Lichenpaw’s calming words. He wasn’t going to get very sick, but he might have a cold for a few days. I hoped Brackenstar didn’t punish him too harshly; he’d had such a fall into the water. I would’ve been frightened out of my fur. I could remember the rush of panic that coated me in that moment once again. He’s lucky he didn’t drown, like Birchfur…, I groaned inwardly as my heart twisted sharply inside me. It was all my fault he’d drowned, he’d died in such a terrible way, refusing to swim in the cold water and only walking deeper into it. And it was all because of me, because of my stupidity in throwing out my heart to the two littermates, and deciding too late whom my heart belonged to.

    “Thornshade, I asked you a question, love. Are you alright?” the tom cat’s voice boomed in my head, cutting into my thoughts.

    “Yeah,” I replied, swiftly licking his ear.

    “You’re sure?” Brackenstar asked, his voice gentle and smooth.

    I didn’t reply, but rather I lay with my head on my paws, my mind blank for all but one thought: It’s all your fault he’s dead. The words swirled around and around, seeming to swim faster and faster until I could hardly understand them myself. But I knew what the thoughts were saying. I had killed Birchfur. But I had also realized that there were only two cats I had to ask if they thought I’d killed him -- Brackenstar, and myself. But I already knew the answer to the latter, so I decided to break the silence between us, suddenly realizing my mate’s soft pink tongue was grooming my matted golden-brown fur. I had been so worked up, I’d forgotten to clean.

    “Do you blame me?” I whispered, moving my head to face Brackenstar. The tom, for a few seconds, looked confused.

    “For what? Owlpaw or Birchfur?” he murmured, holding my gaze steadily.

    I could feel my whiskers quivering in sadness. “Birchfur,” I breathed. My mate turned away from me for a moment, and I could tell his eyes were cold.

    “Yes. I do. But I also thank you for it,” he answered truthfully, turning around to face me.

    “Why do you thank me, you squirrel-brained tom?” I growled, my fur bristling. “I made him drown, and then I followed him in, and risked lives. My own and the kit’s,” I hissed, rising away from the warm fur of my mate, and sat at the entrance with my back facing him. I sat down in the few small breaks moonlight shining from the outside, which were eerily breaking through the lichen covering the cave entrance.

    “I thank you, because you made it clear how much I loved you, and how much you loved me and my brother.”
I still didn’t turn. But I could hear his pawsteps on the sandy floor, coming closer to me. Then, I saw him in the edge of my vision. I quickly snapped my eyes shut, trying to ignore him. But I could not help but bring myself to purr as his tongue brushed my belly, and then felt him wrap his tail with my own as he sat next to me. His mottled fur mixed with my own, bringing warmth to me in the chilled leaf-fall air. Or, perhaps, the water had left its mark forever on my body, and I would always be cold. I did not like that thought.

    “Open your eyes, love. I know you can’t forget me,” he whispered, brushing his muzzle along mine. I slowly opened them as I gave a soft purr and licked his muzzle.

    “I know, I know,” I murmured, and rested my head on his shoulder. “Go on, with what you were saying before,” I added, glancing up at him through warm amber eyes.

    I watched him hesitate, taking a deep breath of air and releasing it in a puff of wispy heat. “I can remember so well when I heard your screech. It sounded horrified and scared - but it was also like a battle cry. It was resilient and strong, but I knew you were in trouble,” he paused, his amber gaze clouded as he thought so deeply about it. I didn’t feel strong or brave - I was so scared, so worried about everyone, I thought weakly.

    “I felt a billion little nervous butterflies float inside my belly as I burst out of my den from my planning and picking of whom would come to the Gathering tomorrow night. Most everyone was sleeping, but Treeclaw, Berrybramble, Owlpaw, and Swallowflight had heard it. Owlpaw had begged Treeclaw to come; he’d heard you too. But he said no, obviously, and then we took off. I don’t think neither your sister nor I’d ever run so fast -- I could hardly feel the branches as they whipped me, could hardly see the trees as they flowed past like a river. I was the first one to spot you, and I’ve never been so scared for you -- no, for anyone -- in my life. Your shape was so faint and muddled, I wasn’t sure if it was you. But I realized it was you, when I heard you cry again. You were plunging in after him. I could see how much you were struggling to bring him out of the water. It must’ve been hard for you, with the kits weighing you down,” he added, glancing down at my round stomach.

     “Then, I finally had a clear view of you. You were wailing, dragging him. My heart . . . I could feel it shattering inside of me. You had done this. You had killed my brother,” he whispered, his words floating on air. “But,” he continued after a moment, “it was then I realized how much I loved you. And how much you were willing to risk so you could be with me. You dove into icy water -- both literally and metaphorically -- by telling Birchfur about me and you and our kits, love. Then, you risked it all to save him. And I don’t think for a moment that you did it for yourself. I think you did it for me,” he murmured, licking my cheek. “That was when I discovered how much I loved you. I was so scared, yet in awe of your foolish bravery, Thornshade. So thank you for helping me to realize that,” he mewed, his tone light and awe-filled.

    “Me too, darling, me too,” I purred, and then motioned for us to go back to the nest to let his words sink in. The tom followed and dropped beside me, his eyes still looking at me lovingly. As I flopped on my side, I closed my eyes, starting to give into the darkness engulfing me.

    Suddenly, my mate’s purr rumbled in my ears. “Sooner or later there won’t be enough room for you to sleep with me,” he rumbled, flicking my ear with his tail.

    “Shuddup. I’m trying to sleep,” I growled, opening my eyes to glare at him.

    “Okay, okay,” he whispered, suddenly realizing how serious I was. Soon, he fell asleep beside me, his fur pressed against mine, warm and comforting. So this is what love is like – real love, I thought, before I allowed the dark shadows pressing at my eyelids to consume me.

Sighing, I flipped over in my nest until I was on my back, staring at the woven top of the nursery. Lazily I stretched my paw and flicked at a loose tendril, tiring myself out with my movements. I was so bored with life. I had spent the last half-moon inside this stinking nursery, listening to Birdwing’s snores and watching the kits fight over who got to be the mouse and who was the warrior when they played games together. Right now my denmate was, luckily, sitting outside the den in the sunshine, watching the kits scamper around in the new, freshly fallen snow. I decided then that I was hungry for my second breakfast that morning, and rolled over, heaving myself to my paws. I waddled over to the den entrance, and squeezed out beside Birdwing, almost tripping over Littlekit as she rolled over in the snow.

“Be careful!” I snarled at the kit, moving away from her, grumbling to myself as my belly fur brushed the snow and left a track in the middle of my pawsteps.

“Why is Thornshade so grumpy, Mama?” I heard Pouncekit asking, stopping his play fight with Littlekit.

“Hush, darling. She’s just ready for the kits to be born,” Birdwing murmured.

I am not grumpy! I thought angrily as soon as I reached the shallow dip in the earth that was now our fresh-kill pile. As soon as I look inside, I let out a grumble of frustration as I realized there was only a scrawny vole left and that Dawnheart and Sharpfang hadn’t eaten. Growling still, I picked up the fresh-kill and pushed my way through the snow to the elder’s den. I walked inside, and calmed down as I realized the elders had a snow hare in between the two of their nests and were gulping it down hungrily.

“Hello, dear. Shouldn’t you be in the nursery resting?” Dawnheart asked as she looked up at me from her relaxed position in her nest. I sighed, and then sat down, putting the vole next to me.

“Yes, but I needed to do something besides roll around in my nest, so I decided I bring something to you two to eat. I didn’t know anyone had caught anything for you,” I replied quickly.

“Oh, yes!” Sharpfang piped up after swallowing his piece of prey. “Fallenpaw caught it for us. Lionleap has trained him well, though he said it was just luck.”

I bet it was just luck! I held back a snarl. I should be out there, training Fallenpaw, not stuck inside a den! “That’s great for the two of them,” I purred, looking at the rabbit between the two, and then down at the vole beside me.

“Have you eaten today? You need to be strong for the kits when they arrive,” Dawnheart asked, seeming to have noticed my hungry look.

“Oh. Yes, I had a squirrel earlier,” I told them, my fur prickling. Suddenly, I let out a gasp as I felt one of the kits kick me sharply inside.

“Are you alright, Thornshade? Maybe you should just take the vole to your nest and eat it there. The kits were due today, right?” Dawnheart mewed uneasily, her green eyes bright with worry.

“I’m fine, but you’re probably right. The kits are due tod-“

“Thornshade! You need to be in your nest! The kits are due soon, for StarClan’s sake!” It was Brackenstar, and as sure as the Dark Forest was real, he was mad. His fur was bristling, and his amber eyes gleamed with worry.

“Well, sorry!” I snarled, rising to my paws with a wobble. I bent down grabbing the vole and dipping my head to the two elders, who looked on with sympathy. “I need something to do, other than- Oh! What in the Dark Forest?!” I began my retort, but it ended with a gasp as I felt another strong kick inside me. Everything was hazy as the kicks came again, but I fought through the urge to yowl as I felt myself leaning against Brackenstar’s mottled brown flanks and waddling through the snow into the nursery. I dropped into my nest, hard, my whole body seeming to be full of endless aches. “Watch it!” I growled, and then shook my head. I needed help. “Get Berrybr-“

“Got it! Birdwing, watch her while I get the medicine cats!” Brackenstar yowled as he tore out of the den, kicking up powdery puffs of snow as he raced away to the medicine den.

“Kits, come inside and stay in the nest,” the pale brown queen called, then looked at me quickly. “I’ll be right there, Thornshade.” I wanted to claw the she-cat’s eyes out, for leaving me here in all this pain to get her mouse-brained kits inside so they didn’t catch a cold! I mean, how stupid was that? I cringed again as a spasm of pain gripped my body.

“Thornshade! We’re here, we’re here!” Berrybramble called, leaping into the den over the bodies of the kits, herbs in her mouth.

“Lichenpaw, get in here! Now, Birdwing, keep Brackenstar out. I don’t need more cats in here to get in my way.” The cream-
colored she-cat mewed commandingly as she spat out the herbs and placed her paws on my huge belly.

“Alright, dear. The first one’s on its way. Quick, eat these herbs before it comes,” she mewed, nosing the herbs by my head. I hurriedly licked them up, hoping they would numb the pain growing inside me like a ball of fire. I loudly smacked my tongue over my jaws as the bitter taste filled my mouth.

Suddenly, I gasped as I felt my belly heave with another spasm, and the world blurred. I could hardly recognize my own howl of pain as the little sac dropped beside me. I nipped the sac, and saw a beautiful golden-brown tom with mottled fur beside me. I weakly nudged it beside me, and I let out a weak purr as it suckled. I licked the small tom’s fur backwards to warm the little body, but clenched my teeth as my stomach convulsed again.

“Mama, what’s wrong with her?” I heard Littlekit ask loudly.

Everything, I felt like retorting. But Birdwing answered for me, and much nicer than all the sharp-edged words I would’ve spat at her daughter.

“She’s having kits, darling. Come on, why don’t you take a nap so Thornshade can have them peacefully?”

“But Mama, we’re not-“ Pouncekit began the well-known argument, but stopped as I let out a gasp of pain.

I felt fire lash my bones as the next kitten tried to arrive. I tried as hard as I could to let it come, but it was stuck. Lichenpaw had entered, and she was massaging the spot where the pain was strongest in my stomach.

“What’s wrong?” I breathed, my body heaving at the effort. I never knew it could be so hard to kit!

“It’s stu- oh, it’s moving!” Lichenpaw mewed calmly, and I cried with pain as the kit flopped out beside me. The apprentice broke the sac and rigorously licked it to start its breathing. I let out a small purr of joy as it let out a weak mewl. I studied the little tom kit, and realized, with a sick gurgling in my belly, that its left rear paw was splayed funnily. I looked up at Lichenpaw, who had also noticed it. The sleek black she-cat just dipped her head, deciding that it would be fine.

“It’s a strong one, this little tom.”

“Thanks, Lich- oh my StarClan!” I gasped for breath as my belly broke into a rapid spasm, my heart beating a mile a minute. I let out a harsh yowl as the bundle landed beside me, which held a she-kit. As soon as she was fine and suckling beside her littermates, I looked up at Berrybramble.

“Am I done yet?” I panted, my breath hot on my chest fur. I relaxed as I felt the medicine cat’s soft cream-colored paws gently brush across my belly.

“Two more, Thornshade. You’re almost do-, oh that’s great!” she praised, breaking off as my belly heaved once again.
“I can’t!” I snarled, the pain ricocheting through my body, which felt broken and sore. But I gave a shove, and I felt the kit slide beside me. I nipped the small sac, and I saw another she-kit. Panting, I licked the kitten until my tongue felt raw and seemed to bleed. I nosed it toward me, and let it suckle at my belly, squashed between the second tom and her sister.

“Last one, my dear. Hold on,” Berrybramble murmured, softly licking my ears.

“StarClan, help me!” I screeched as the final kit arrived, my head reeling with pain. I nipped the sac, and nosed the kit towards Lichenpaw. “Can you lick it for me?” I mumbled, dropping my head onto the side of the nest, panting for breath. I had never felt so dead and alive at the same time. I felt Lichenpaw nose the kit to my belly, and I wrapped my tail around it and the rest of it with the last of my strength.

“Are you okay, Thornshade? Where are you hurting?” Berrybramble asked, looking at what I felt was my limp body.

“My head hurts,” I growled softly, “and my belly is still churning.”

“Okay. I’m so happy for you, Thornshade. The kits are beautiful. I’ll go get you some herbs and water,” she mewed happily, brushing her tail along my muzzle. “Lichenpaw,” she added, turning to look at the apprentice, “watch her. Make sure she doesn’t fall asleep to quickly, but it’s fine for her to rest. I’ll be right back.” With that, the fluffy cream-colored cat strode into the snow, and I could hear her beckoning Brackenstar inside.

I purred, and slowly lifted my head as my mate came inside, his pelt ruffled and eyes gleaming with worry. His legs were damp and clotted with snow- he must’ve been pacing, hard.

“Thornshade! Oh, they’re marvelous! How are you feeling, love?” He purred with happiness, twining his tail with my own.

“I ache all over,” I groaned. My mate shot me a worried look, his amber eyes shining brightly in the dim den. “I’m fine. It’s supposed to be normal.” I added, licking the mottled tom’s bright pink nose.

“You’ve come a long way from being a young warrior with a crazy love affair, huh?” Brackenstar murmured, quietly settling down along the back of the nest, letting me lean against him. His bright fur was warm and comforting, and it mixed with my own, seeming to light sparks in the spots they mixed. “You’re a mother, and I’m a father, and we are deputy and leader, commanding StormClan together. And I get to do it with the world’s greatest she-cat and mate ever.”

“Yes, I have, and I also have the greatest tom for a mate in the whole world.” I breathed, looking at him as he laid his head gently on my neck. Our amber eyes glowed as we stared at each other, and I felt like he could read my deepest thoughts. And I knew he did, when his eyes seemed to cloud over. He knew I was thinking about Birchfur, about what I’d done to him. About how this might’ve been so different.

“I’m back, Thornshade!” Berrybramble sang as she dropped sopping moss at my head, along with a fat bundle of green herbs, some of which looked pale and fuzzy. “Drink up, and then eat these herbs. Then you two can rest, aye?” She purred, glancing at Brackenstar, who dipped his head in thanks and pride.

“Thank you. I think you and Lichenpaw can go. Brackenstar and Birdwing can g-“

“Thornshade! Oh, are you alright? How many kits did you have? Oh, five! Marvelous, marvelous!” It was the one and only Mosspool. She was a pretty tortoiseshell, but she was also my very prideful mother. “Brackenstar, I’m so honored you choose Thornshade to be your deputy, as well as mate.” She added, dipping her head to the young leader.

Turning to study my mate, I looked at his eyes, which were wide in surprise. He gave a low growl, and lay there quietly for a few moments. My arrogant mother stood there impatiently, her long, bushy tail lashing back and forth.

“No…I think you’re wrong, Mosspool,” The mottled tom shook his head. “I’m glad you’re happy she’s deputy- there was no other choice. She’s brave, loyal, and strong, though sometimes she gets snappy and doubts. But everyone has flaws, even I do. But I didn’t ‘pick’ her to be my mate. We can’t choose who we fall in love with, or if we’ll raise a family,” He paused, and licked my ear quickly. “But I’m glad you feel hon-“

“Thornshade, are you alright?! From all that terrible yowling, I thought you’d died!” Swallowflight murmured as she burst in, and then frowned as she saw our mother. “Hello, Mosspo-“

“Oh Swallowflight! Thornshade had five kits! Five little ones! Isn’t that fantastic?!” My mother purred in a shrill voice.

“Yes, it is,” my littermate agreed promptly. “Why don’t you go see if Harepaw needs help collecting moss?” She prompted, and swiftly removed the annoying she-cat from the den. I watched in silence as my sister seemed to give a silent purr while her eyes glimmering in amusement.

“Thanks,” I purred, untwining my tail with Brackenstar’s for a moment to flick her ear. 

“Hey, remember, you said I could name one?” Swallowflight asked quizzically, purring as she watched the kits suckle.
“Yeah. You can pick one to name. You have first pick, since he and I haven’t named any yet.” I looked back at my mate as I leaned against him once again, enjoying his soft fur.

I waited eagerly as Swallowflight studied the small, innocent kits laying in the curve of my belly. Finally, rising from her crouched position on the cold den floor, she brushed the very first tom, which had a mottled golden-brown pelt with a pale chest.

“I pick the name Stormkit for this little guy. I think it fits him well, don’t you?” She mewed, her green eyes blazing in the dim of the large bramble den.

“I love it,” Brackenstar purred, dipping his head to my littermate, then look at me. “Do you?”

I nodded, and I felt I could just hear the thoughts that whirled through Swallowflight’s head, as if she’d spoken them aloud. YES!! Brackenstar, the leader of the Clan, liked my name for his kit! I named Brackenstar’s kit! YES! “It’s a great name, sis. I like it.”

“Thanks for letting me name one, Thornshade. I promise I’ll let you name one of mine, if I have any!” She purred, touching her nose to mine own.

“Oh, so you’ve found a mate, finally?” I asked, sarcasm dripping in my voice.

“I thought nobody had noticed! Oh, Jaytail is marvelous, isn’t he?” The pale she-cat purred, catching on with a small blink.

“I really hadn’t noticed the way you twine tails and fawn over each other with those big eyes,” I purred, flicking her on the nose.
“Now go! I’m done with your bragging!” I cried in mock anger, flipping my head to the up and shutting my eyes, but I couldn’t help but let a purr escape from my jaws.

I peeked, and let out a purr as I saw Swallowflight whip around and sashay out of the den, her fluffy tail lashing wildly.

“I can’t believe it! My own little sister, making me leave the very den she’s just had her first kits in!”

Swallowflight, what would I do without you? I thought, my head suddenly feeling heavy and aching. But what would you do without me? Then, I drifted into a world of blackness and nothing. My dreaming realm. A realm that, tonight, I knew would be full of Birchfur.

    I opened my eyes to see a bedraggled, sopping wet queen. Her fur stuck to her sides, and her amber eyes were wide with pain.

    She doesn’t love me, she has Brackenstar now. She doesn’t need me. “I love you, forever and always, Thornshade,” my voice croaked. I could feel my inner reflexes straining to keep me alive, begging for my heart to keep beating, begging for sweet nighttime air. But I would not give in. And then, I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to capture her once more as the water filled my nose and mouth. Her muscled form, the golden-brown tabby fur rippling as she ran…her sweet eyes, colored with the most gorgeous amber alive. And the bushy tail, whipping back and forth as her strong voice as it echoed into the battle field.

    Then, a seeping blackness came over my eyes, and I could see no more. My head grew foggy and the rush of water in my ears became muffled; I could hardly hear the slowing beat of my heart that was racked with pain. Then, I knew immediately that I was gone. I could feel my body slipping out of my grasp, until I was nothing more than a silent spirit, floating over the scene below me. I saw her then - dragging my body out of the water, tears dropping in the water and leaving lasting ripples.
“Birchfur…oh, Birchfur,” she sobbed.

    I felt compelled to wrap myself around her, to warm her sopping fur and lick her ears, but I couldn’t. I was only watching her drag my body away, her sobs echoing forever in my ears.

    “What were you doing in there?! You’re expecting kits, for StarClan’s sake!!” Swallowflight snarled, her tone worried and green eyes wide. Her sister must be horrified, I thought, my head whirling in astonishment.

    “I tried to save him, I tried so hard…,” she whispered, burying her head into Swallowflight’s pale brown fur, streaks of water leaving ripples of wetness behind.

    “Is he dead?” I heard Treeclaw’s deep voice boom into the night. Oh, my poor mentor. He shouldn’t feel like this, feel so grave over a death he didn’t cause, I thought.

    “Yes.” The medicine cat’s words were barely audible in my own ears.

    “I know I’m dead, she-cat!” I snarled, my voice wasn’t heard. They couldn’t even see me.

    “Oh, Birchfur…” Brackenstar breathed. “You loved too much, brother.” My littermate’s eyes were foggy and soft, hardly their normal, piercing color. I watched, my heart breaking as he walked over to Thornshade and pressed his dry, mottled fur into her own. He loved her so much more than I ever could. Perhaps…perhaps I imagined it all. Perhaps she never loved me. He crouched beside my former mate and rubbed his muzzle into my sopping pelt, and I watched, horrified, as a his chest heaved with a sob.

    “Come, Thornshade. We have to get you back to camp, before you catch whitecough.” Berrybramble whispered quietly, padding towards the mourning couple. The pregnant she-cat stood at her order, and looked back at my dead body, which was about to be picked up by Brackenstar. Thornshade quickly turned around, and limped over to help my littermate.

    “No,” he murmured. “You can’t ris-“

    “No, I can! I dove into that water to save him, and I risked everything! I risked everything, Brackenstar,” she snarled hoarsely, limping slowly beside him as she bore the body’s weight on her back.

    “It wasn’t safe. He made his own choice, love. You should have let him keep his choice to die,” Brackenstar retorted quietly.
Yes, I thought, I chose to die. Because I thought no one would miss me. But look what I’ve done…oh, StarClan. Why was I such an mouse-brain?
 
    With that last comment, all five of the cats trudged back to camp wearily in the dawn air. I followed, walking behind them quietly. I wanted to see how everyone would react, and if anyone would blame her for it. But, when we entered the thorn barrier, I could hardly bear the stares and whispers, the shocked faces. Even though, I reminded myself, they aren’t locked on me now.

    “What happened?” Icepool breathed, as she came up to the patrol. I felt my body shake under the she-cat’s hurt gaze. Her blue eyes glimmer in shock, and her tone was breathless.

    “Birchfur…” Thornshade numbly whispered, and then followed Berrybramble into her den; the Clan’s watching eyes following her. I tore after her, my pale paws thrumming the ground until I was right beside her. As soon as she was inside, I watched as she collapsed in the back of the den in a sobbing heap.

    “Shh, Thornshade. It’ll be okay. He’s in a better pla-“ Berrybramble began, her tone gentle. But Thornshade would have none of it.

    “Stop it!” she snarled, looking her in the eye from where the medicine stood above her, a pile of herbs next to her paws. The cream-colored stood absolutely still, but I raced to her side and stood protectively in front of her. “It won’t be okay!! I made him die, I made him, Berrybramble! Do you know how that feels?” she demanded, her fur bristling.

    I gave a low growl, and stared straight at the raging she-cat. “After lying to him about my heart and where it lay, for his whole life, I made him die!! I told him, I made him jump into that lake and drown himself!! I did it!” She hissed, Thornshade’s whole body shaking with rage and self-hate. “I hate myself, Berrybramble,” she snarled, looking away from her and shutting her eyes.

    “No!” I hissed, my heart racing. “I drowned myself, Thornshade! You never did! You never would’ve hurt me, love,” I whipped around, and raced towards the dawn sky. Until Thornshade joined me, I would never be able to tell her so. I would never be able to explain anything to her, if she never saw me. And that, I knew, was not a lie. Because, when Thornshade had lied to me, the entire time I had been lying to myself. I was broken, but not because of her. I was broken because I had told myself lies about her. About everything. I was a liar - one with no right to be called a warrior. I would no longer call myself Birchfur.

    I am broken inside. So I will call myself something new, for I am no longer the cat I was when Thornshade loved me. Something with Broken, something like….Broken Birch. “Broken Birch,” I murmured. “I like it.”

May I post? Or do you need more saves?

Oh, sweet!
Well, first off I'd like to say welcome to the WFF. (': Were you on the old forums or did you just join?

As for the one-shot/short story; I read the first part and it reminded me of popular soap operas on TV. I can't NOT like drama, it's a little bit too much fun to read/watch. Though there is a fine line between just right and way too much.
Thank you for not going overboard in the first part. x'D
And now I just realized you posted more. I will have to catch up!

I like your description. I found a few little, simple mistakes which can be fixed be re-reading over your work, but it's nothing major. I like how human your characters feel too.

You're welcome!

Oooh, you were one of the "ghosters"? Well, I'm glad you have decided to jump in. (': The WFF is always welcome to more writers. It might take a bit-especially now-for people to come reply to you, but keep working at it, and I know you will get more readers. And don't be shy if you ever want to go talk to other authors (including myself). We are all very friendly here!

It was my pleasure. I've been trying to take time to go about and read and comment. I seem to "nest" myself on my threads without meaning too. x'D I really do think this story sounds fun! I'm hoping to continue sometime later this week when I get more of my college work finished up/on the way.

mintedstar/fur I'd love to hear your thoughts when you've finished! thanks for checking out my story

(bump)

This is great! So many twists and turns. I do feel a bit sorry for Birchfur, though.

This is all I have for this story for now Owlmoon

Eventually - I'm writing another fanfic right now and I want to get more completed with that one before I continue with this story here

Owlmoon