Post by kiwi cheesecake on Feb 21, 2017 21:49:37 GMT -5
So I'm writing some poems for creative writing class, and just want to make sure they're not terrible or too hard to understand before I turn them in. Also feedback/criticism would be appreciated so I can improve in the future as well! Or suggestions for titles.
Ode-
My wife is but a songbird tweeting
Twirling in the air and meeting
Each new note with joyful greeting
Voice and harmony un-fleeting
Tweeting, meeting, greeting, fleeting-
What a lovely tune repeating.
Her song calls out amidst the sleeting,
Opening our hearts and heating
Our passion with life pulse beating,
Weaving futures, sewing, pleating.
Sleeting, heating, beating, pleating-
What a lovely tune repeating.
At her pedestal, always seating
Those who wish to hear her greeting
Sing-song dancer, rhythm’s beating,
Watch nervous at below eating.
Seating, greeting, beating, eating-
What a lovely tune repeating.
The people feed her, always treating,
But she is just a small bird tweeting,
Trying desperately at cheating
The liars who call it bleating.
Treating, tweeting, cheating, bleating-
What happens to the tune repeating?
What happens when her mouth stops eating
Attempting to choke one more meeting,
What happens when the songbird tweeting
Turns into but shadow fleeting?
Eating, meeting, tweeting, fleeting-
I swear I’ll never stop believing.
Songbird tweeting,
Voice intriguing,
Love exceeding,
Life receding,
Let go of greeting,
Please keep eating.
Free Verse-
A tired lonely wanderer who walks the desert sands,
Cracked lips, parched throat, face caked with dust; a simple, quiet man.
But lo! Behold! The waterfall comes crashing down the slopes,
Easing pain and weariness with its liquid of new hopes.
All do try to run for it, among them is the man
Hoping for a bit of luck instead of dusty sand.
But the others are much quicker now as down the hill they pop,
And with jug and cup and beaker they steal every silver drop.
The man who needed cool relief finds himself once more alone,
And wandering ever on and on, his heart begins to groan.
He comes to see he must
Once more return to dust.
Pantoum-
My face feels so bare,
I need a new sight-
A new mask to wear,
A new day of light.
I need a new sight,
The stars and the moon-
A new day of light
To break through the gloom.
The stars and the moon
Whisper in my sleep
To break through the gloom-
A new face to keep.
Whisper in my sleep,
“At last now it’s time;
A new face to keep
Is finally mine.”
At last now it’s time,
A new mask to wear,
Is finally mine.
My face felt so bare.
Haiku-
Billowing gently
Descending, the sky, gasping,
Gives off tears of white.
Found-
Repeating, repeating,
I’m dying, I’m breathing,
Repeating, repeating,
I’m crying, I’m healing-
And so it falls,
Harshly onto reality,
Every single piece
Of me.
I was so selfish,
I couldn’t help it-
Now everything feels like
It’s falling apart.
And yet I'm still afraid of the future,
While hating tomorrow,
Wish things were the way they were.
But time it stops for no one
And so I shout-
I don't want tomorrow to come!
My heart can’t break anymore,
Shouting amongst lights
In a sea full of stars.
My voice it won’t cry anymore
Screaming won’t help me now
To erase all my scars.
A trick of the light-
Who am I?
Time fades away
Like yesterday.
With this endless pain in my heart,
Tearing me apart
But also you beside me.
Can’t you see how happy I’d be,
I’d smile and say,
“It was all for the best you see.”
As this world in front of me melts
And fades away,
I only have one thing to say-
These miracles flooding me won’t make it go away.
Because I can still hear your voice calling out my name...
Villanelle-
“Day in, day out,” he said,
“Working all day I cower.
I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
“Can’t keep my children fed,
can’t even take a shower.
Day in, day out,” he said.
“A pounding in my head,
laboring every hour,
I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
“Eyes watching overhead-
a strange and foreign power,
day in, day out,” he said.
“The midday heat glows red,
the sun begins to glower.
I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
“Sometimes I swear I’m dead,
My heart and blood to flower.
Day in, day out,” he said;
“I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
Ode-
My wife is but a songbird tweeting
Twirling in the air and meeting
Each new note with joyful greeting
Voice and harmony un-fleeting
Tweeting, meeting, greeting, fleeting-
What a lovely tune repeating.
Her song calls out amidst the sleeting,
Opening our hearts and heating
Our passion with life pulse beating,
Weaving futures, sewing, pleating.
Sleeting, heating, beating, pleating-
What a lovely tune repeating.
At her pedestal, always seating
Those who wish to hear her greeting
Sing-song dancer, rhythm’s beating,
Watch nervous at below eating.
Seating, greeting, beating, eating-
What a lovely tune repeating.
The people feed her, always treating,
But she is just a small bird tweeting,
Trying desperately at cheating
The liars who call it bleating.
Treating, tweeting, cheating, bleating-
What happens to the tune repeating?
What happens when her mouth stops eating
Attempting to choke one more meeting,
What happens when the songbird tweeting
Turns into but shadow fleeting?
Eating, meeting, tweeting, fleeting-
I swear I’ll never stop believing.
Songbird tweeting,
Voice intriguing,
Love exceeding,
Life receding,
Let go of greeting,
Please keep eating.
Free Verse-
A tired lonely wanderer who walks the desert sands,
Cracked lips, parched throat, face caked with dust; a simple, quiet man.
But lo! Behold! The waterfall comes crashing down the slopes,
Easing pain and weariness with its liquid of new hopes.
All do try to run for it, among them is the man
Hoping for a bit of luck instead of dusty sand.
But the others are much quicker now as down the hill they pop,
And with jug and cup and beaker they steal every silver drop.
The man who needed cool relief finds himself once more alone,
And wandering ever on and on, his heart begins to groan.
He comes to see he must
Once more return to dust.
Pantoum-
My face feels so bare,
I need a new sight-
A new mask to wear,
A new day of light.
I need a new sight,
The stars and the moon-
A new day of light
To break through the gloom.
The stars and the moon
Whisper in my sleep
To break through the gloom-
A new face to keep.
Whisper in my sleep,
“At last now it’s time;
A new face to keep
Is finally mine.”
At last now it’s time,
A new mask to wear,
Is finally mine.
My face felt so bare.
Haiku-
Billowing gently
Descending, the sky, gasping,
Gives off tears of white.
Found-
Repeating, repeating,
I’m dying, I’m breathing,
Repeating, repeating,
I’m crying, I’m healing-
And so it falls,
Harshly onto reality,
Every single piece
Of me.
I was so selfish,
I couldn’t help it-
Now everything feels like
It’s falling apart.
And yet I'm still afraid of the future,
While hating tomorrow,
Wish things were the way they were.
But time it stops for no one
And so I shout-
I don't want tomorrow to come!
My heart can’t break anymore,
Shouting amongst lights
In a sea full of stars.
My voice it won’t cry anymore
Screaming won’t help me now
To erase all my scars.
A trick of the light-
Who am I?
Time fades away
Like yesterday.
With this endless pain in my heart,
Tearing me apart
But also you beside me.
Can’t you see how happy I’d be,
I’d smile and say,
“It was all for the best you see.”
As this world in front of me melts
And fades away,
I only have one thing to say-
These miracles flooding me won’t make it go away.
Because I can still hear your voice calling out my name...
Villanelle-
“Day in, day out,” he said,
“Working all day I cower.
I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
“Can’t keep my children fed,
can’t even take a shower.
Day in, day out,” he said.
“A pounding in my head,
laboring every hour,
I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
“Eyes watching overhead-
a strange and foreign power,
day in, day out,” he said.
“The midday heat glows red,
the sun begins to glower.
I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
“Sometimes I swear I’m dead,
My heart and blood to flower.
Day in, day out,” he said;
“I’ve sweat, I’ve cried, I’ve bled.”
