The Rise of CloudClan ((Analysing mistakes of the fic))

So, first off, this Fic is originally mine. Second, this is just to show how many gaps were in this and how bad my 11-year-old writing was. Please can no one complain about the holes and rant about anything. This thread is merely for laughs and to show my old skills and then if I rewrite the chapter how it turns out. Thank you for clicking on this very spoofy thread. Enjoy.

Cloudtail shifted; it didn't feel right, sitting amongst ThunderClan cats. He had to speak; it needed to be now.
"Bramblestar," he meowed, standing.
"Only leaders speak at Gatherings," meowed the leader absently.
"Bramblestar, I am leaving ThunderClan. I am creating a new Clan. CloudClan." He looked around. "If anyone wants to join me, please stand." The first to stand was Brightheart.
"I will, my love," she meowed. Whitewing and Birchfall stood.
"We will come too," they mewed in unision. Dovewing and Ivypool stood. They gave no reason, but it was obvious they wanted to be with their kin.
"Every Clan needs a medicine cat," announced Jayfeather. Lionblaze stood slowly and glanced around. 
"There is nothing left for me in ThunderClan except for Cinderheart," he said. Cinderheart stood.
"I will come too," she meowed. Their kits, Sorrelpaw, Hollypaw and Fernpaw stood.
"We're coming too!" announced Hollypaw. 
"Yeah!" mewed Fernpaw.
"Me too!" chipped in Sorrelpaw. 
"No, my kit," mewed Cinderheart, looking into Sorrelpaw's eyes. Cloudtail heard her tone and knew her heart was breaking. "ThunderClan needs a future medicine cat." Sitting down, the she-cat nodded.
"Good luck, Cloudstar," mewed Bramblestar as the new Clan began to leave. "I hope to see you at Gatherings in the future." The white tom dipped his head and led his Clan from the Island.
Cloudtail shifted; it didn't feel right, sitting amongst ThunderClan cats. Hang on, when has Cloudtail ever shown discomfort or disloyalty to ThunderClan? He had to speak; it needed to be now.

"Bramblestar," he meowed, standing.

"Only leaders speak at Gatherings," meowed the leader absently.
But during the books millions of cats have called out during the Gathering.
"Bramblestar, I am leaving ThunderClan. I am creating a new Clan. CloudClan." He looked around. "If anyone wants to join me, please stand." Ummm... Who else would leave? The first to stand was Brightheart.

"I will, my love," she meowed. Well, I suppose she is his mate. Whitewing and Birchfall stood.
I know Whitewing is their daughter, but she's a very loyal ThunderClan warrior.
"We will come too," they mewed in unision. Dovewing and Ivypool stood. They gave no reason, but it was obvious they wanted to be with their kin.
DovewingxBumblestripe officially died. IvypoolxFernsong officially died, too.
"Every Clan needs a medicine cat," announced Jayfeather. Since when has Jayfeather wanted to leave? Lionblaze stood slowly and glanced around.

"There is nothing left for me in ThunderClan except for Cinderheart," he said. Umm... Your brother, Jayfeather? Your mother, Leafpool? Your kin, Alderpaw and Sparkpaw? Cinderheart stood.

"I will come too," she meowed. Their kits, Sorrelpaw, Hollypaw and Fernpaw stood.
Wait.... They're still apprentices? And Fernpaw/songxIvypool is back alive!
"We're coming too!" announced Hollypaw.

"Yeah!" mewed Fernpaw.

"Me too!" chipped in Sorrelpaw.

"No, my kit," mewed Cinderheart, looking into Sorrelpaw's eyes. Cloudtail heard her tone and knew her heart was breaking. "ThunderClan needs a future medicine cat." Sitting down, the she-cat nodded.
Umm... Sorrelpaw is not a medicine cat apprentice. Tawnypelt also stood. 
"I am not joining CloudClan," she meowed. "I wish to join ThunderClan and be with my brother." Bramblestar dipped his head. Umm... Excuse me? She has a mate *cough* ShadowClan leader *cough* and kits *cough* Tigerheart who's deputy *cough* *cough* Dawnpelt who has an apprentice *cough*
"Good luck, Cloudstar," mewed Bramblestar as the new Clan began to leave. "I hope to see you at Gatherings in the future." The white tom dipped his head and led his Clan from the Island.
His Clan? Gosh, they just banded together! And Bramblestar, weren't you protesting against this? And he doesn't have his nine lives yet!


Final Analysis for Chapter one:

• Too many plot holes/ not linking up with the books.
• Breaking up couples
• Breaking up mates
• Not enough information
• Weird changes of opinion during the chapter.