Posterity

Hello! Recently, I was digging through my old email account, and I stumbled upon a bunch of things from the old forums that I apparently thought were good or funny enough to email to myself. A few of them were written by me, but most of them were not. For the sake of posterity, I've decided to post them all here. These are all from 2011, many (most) of them are cringy, and I have no idea who wrote most of them. In places where usernames were present, I censored them to protect people from being memed. "Enjoy."

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I call my family Lightclan
2. I use Warrior terms
3. I hiss, snarl, and meow
4. I interpret signs from Starclan on a regular basis
5. I think of the neighboring wildlife preserve as my territory, and patrol its borders regularly
6. I play-fight with my pets (and always win)
7. I have an irresistible urge to play with any cat toy I see
8. I get in trouble, and when my parents ask me what punishment I think would be fair, I tell them “I’d be willing to take over cleaning out the dens for a whole moon if you want. I’m really sorry.”
9. I imagine that whatever I did wrong in number eight was actually trespassing on another clan’s territory
10. I can relate ANYTHING to Warriors
11. I can take any saying and Warrior-ize it. I.E. ‘Gosh Darnit’ becomes ‘Starclan cursit.’ Ect.
12. I actually SAY the Warrior-ized versions instead of the origional ones.
13. I use Warrior names for the usernames on any site I belong to (Lol my school username is Phychicstar)
14. I call my food fresh-K.i.l.l.
15. I imagine each type of food is a certain kind of prey, like candy=hummingbird and bread=mouse
16. I roleplay online
17. I pretend to be a Warrior cat
18. I made a clan out of little kid toys
19. I create my own Warriors TV Channel on my video camera, and make shows like “The Clans Have Talent,” “Forbidden Love,” “Fieldwatch,” (like Baywatch lol) and “Clan News”
20. Those shows are interrupted for commercials for things like “Berrytail’s Fur Dye,” or “Super-Sharp Claw Sharpeners,” or even emergency notices, breaking news, or evacuation notices ‘cause of floods or whatever
21. I watch shows about wildcats and pick apart their hunting techniques
22. Imagine what cat fits whatever song I’m listening to
23. I correct people whenever they misquote the series
24. I get SERIOUSLY frustrated when I can’t remember a Warriors quote or which cat said it (even though it hardly ever happens)
25. I scream insults like “YOU FOX-HEARTED, CROW-FOOD-EATING, MUDBRAINED, FOOLISH, PILE OF FOX-DUNG! GO TO THE DARK FOREST ! I’D SHRED YOUR PELT FOR A MOUSETAIL!” When I get angry.
26. I teach my pets to be Clan cats
27. I look up at the mountains and daydream about what the Tribe is doing
28. When someone takes my food, I call them a Prey-Stealer.
29. I sharpen my claws/nails
30. I sometimes call my hands “paws,” nails “claws,” or say “then I mewed,” instead of “then I said” ect.
31. If I see one of my friends get injured I immediately say, “Are you okay? I think I have some cobwebs and oak leaf in my herb store.”
32. I actually HAVE an herb store
33. I actually bring my herbs to injured friends and heal them with it
34. I can imitate and understand cats perfectly, from watching them so much
35. I was disappointed when I realized that most wildcats don’t do anything like Warriors do
36. I pretend that I’m listening to an elder’s story whenever I watch TV
37. I try to lucid dream so that I can be a Warrior cat in my sleep
38. I scream at the book occasionally, i.e. “BLUESTAR LISTEN TO FIREHEART!!!”
39. I have begun to think thrush would taste delicious
40. I practice my hunting skills enough that I could catch prey, but I don’t because I wouldn’t eat it and the Warrior Code says prey is to be killed only to be eaten
41. I walk barefoot whenever I can because that’s how Warriors walk all the time, and I think it’ll help me develop pads on my feet/paws
42. I try to scent peoples’ moods
43. I go to school and imagine it’s the Training Hollow
44. I actually CALL school the Training Hollow
45. I stalk my pet guinea pig and catch her
46. I ALWAYS say kit instead of kitten, which confuses my friends
47. I get frustrated because it confuses my friends, and recite the entire glossary to them
48. When they forget it, I hiss in frustration…
49. I walk up the stairs on all fours
50. Sometimes I just walk around on the ground like that
51. I’m disgusted by cat food and wrinkle my nose every time I’m near it, saying “EW kittypet food!!!”
52. I drink out of my pets’ water bowl sometimes
53. My siggy on the site even mentions my extreme Warriorality *points to siggy*
54. I can recognize my pets by scent
55. I look at random strangers and image what clan their from, then pretend that I know their clan because I scented it
56. I was going to go vegetarian, but I just couldn’t do it, cause… Well how’s a Warrior s’posed to survive without prey?
57. I exercise, train, and practice my Warrior skills to the point that I can use all the battle moves, I actually lost weight and slimmed down, (5 foot 1 and 98 pounds babeh! lol) have great balance, I can walk on the back of my couch/fence/whatever, I DO walk on the back of my couch/fence/whatever, and I can climb trees really well
58. I spend about 85% of the time I’m awake on this website
59. I can see in the dark
60. It’s because I got in a monster/car crash and had to have surgery on my eyes, but then ended up happy about it cause now I can see perfectly in the dark, just like a Warrior cat
61. I believe I have the power to control certain things when Starclan are in my favor
62. I pretend that when I’m shopping, I’m really hunting-I once got TOO into it and pounced on a box of almond cookies. O.o
63. I catch rabbits, lizards, mice, toads, ect. but I let them free, cause as I said before, the Code would forbade it (heheh Hollyleaf moment…)
64. I refer to sheep as “fluffy things that look like clouds on legs”
65. Sometimes sign things as Wildfire, forgetting my real name
66. I never get tired about talking about Warriors
67. I could go on and on about one page in the series for HOURS and still not get bored
68. I think that the neighbors’ cat, Bannana, belongs in Windclan
69. I imagine that any gross food my parents make me eat is healing herbs that I need to eat to get better (It’s the only way I can make myself eat them lol)
70. I sleep in a ball like a cat
71. I eat without using my hands, much to my mother’s dismay
72. My mother, Boldstar, won’t let me have a cat, but I pretend that she let our dogs into the Clan because they grew up around cats and saved our lives when we got lost in a blizzard (True story! Thanks Tracker/Snowstorm!)
73. My Clan, Lightclan, has a complicated history and everything!
74. I desperately hope that I will someday become a Thunderclan cat
75. I have already vowed to continue the series when it ends
76. I share tongues with my pets
77. I spend hours each day searching for obsession ideas, fanfictions, discussions, ect.
78. I only ever use my computer for Warriors-related things, or Facebook
79. I convinced my parents to let me paint my den green so it can be an official Warriors den
80. I mapped out my house, making each room an area or den or whatever
81. I gave my family warrior names and ranks-Boldstar=Mom, Oaktree=Dad, Wildfire=Me, Snowstorm, Sandclaw, and Featherpaw=Dogs, Waterkit=Guinea Pig
82. I imagine that my guinea pig is really a cat with a deformation that makes her stay small
83. I can run fast on four limbs
84. I enjoy laying in warm patches of sun
85. When walking on tiles I imagine that I am a clan leader, each black tile is the ground and each white tile is an adder, poison, or something else, and each time I step on a white tile I lose a life
86. When someone says “Warrior,” a Warrior name, or anything else Warrior-y, I immediately freak out and overreact
87. I have a Warriors desktop and screensaver
88. The Erins are my idols (other than Squirrelflight and Leafpool! They’re AWESOME!!!)
89. I wear makeup around my eyes for the cat look
90. I flex my hands, wishing that I had claws
91. I picture what people would look like as cats
92. I have fallen in love with one of the characters, lolz (you don’t get to know who)
93. I believe in Starclan
94. I would do almost anything if I could become a Warrior cat
95. I have looked up spells to turn into a cat
96. I wait for everyone in my family to take a bite of their food before I do, because the clan must be fed first
97. The smell of kittypet food makes me want to puke
98. I am posting this
99. I love it when people try to fight me because I can prove my skills; everyone in the neighborhood now tries to do so to prove their tough; no one has succeeded yet
100. If I could have either a million dollars or become a Warrior, I would choose the latter

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Annoying things to do on an elevator:
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

3) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

4) MEOW occasionally.

5) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

6) SAY -DING at each floor.

7) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

8) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

9) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new underwear on."

10) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

11) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

12) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

13) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

14) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

15) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

16) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

17) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

18) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

29) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

20) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

21) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.


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*In random courtroom*
Judge: The court will now come to order! Now, [User 1], you are suing [User 2] becau-
[User 2]: WHATEVER HE SAYS, I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!!
*Silence*
Judge: Ok, anyway, [User 1] what is your claim against [User 2] over here......
[User 1]: Well, she said my TM'd name, so she owes me like-
[User 2]42: LIES!!! LIES!!! [USER 1], I HAVE NEVER SAID YOUR- *brief pause* oh, crud.....
[User 1]: I rest my case.
[User 2]: Your honor, if I may. My friends sister, Brook, TM'd every single word in the entire world except for the word no. So technically-
[User 1]: So how come every word thats not no doesn't have a TM in front of it like my name?
[User 2]:...... I can't answer that......
Judge: Can I see a document that proves you really TM'd your name?
[User 1]: Uh.....
Judge: Thats what I thought. Jury, is the defendant guilty?
Jury: No.
Judge: Alright then. *bangs little hammer thing on desk* You are dismissed.
[User 2]: YAY!!!!!
[User 1]: Oh no..... I wanted some money today.......
End
[User 2] WON

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Question:
If a pie plus a dino equals a dog, and a fish divided by graystripe to the power of zombie minus ten is nintendo, how many ninjas will fit in my pocket?

Choices:
.....whut?
Is this taking in the amount of weapons the ninjas have? Or just plain ninjas?
Four and a half!
._.'
You don't make any sense

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(This one was so frickin long that I had to put it on Pastebin. Here you go.)

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Thornkit: Ok, I’m going to be the kit-stealer, you will all be the weak little kits

Moonkit: But we’re not little and weak

Thornkit: Yes you are, now stop arguing!

Moonkit: *whimpers* But I don’t want to be a weak kit!

Thornkit: Fine, you can be the tree that stands there and watches *pushes Moonkit to the side*

Moonkit: Oh no! I’m falling… *falls on Thornkit and squishes him*

Redkit: Ha! The kit-stealer’s dead! And now I shall bring the tree to life! *twirls around in a circle*

Moonkit: Yesh! I’m an actual cat! *dances*

Smokekit: I can’t believe I’m related to all of you…

Flarekit: *goes up to Lostdreams* Momma, insert food! *opens mouth up*

Everkit: We’re all going to be eaten! *starts to cry* Please don’t eat me, I don’t taste good!

Redkit: *goes over to Everkit* Why are we going to be eaten?

Everkit: Because they’re kit-stealers! *eye starts twitching* And kit-stealers eat kits, just like how the monkey ate my waffle!

Redkit: Noo! I don’t want to be eaten! *starts to cry* I also don’t want my waffles to be eaten by the monkey!

Lostdreams: *stuffs mouse into Flarekit’s mouth* Moonkit and Thornkit! STOP ARGUING!

Moonkit: *grumbles* Fine…

Thornkit: *gasps* I’m going to die now… *pretends to die*

Everkit: *starts to slowly crawl away*

Dream: Where are you going? *picks up Everkit and squeezes her*

Everkit: *mouths: help me**also starts to gasp from Dream’s extra big hug*

Redkit: *pokes Thornkit with stick* Is he dead?

Thornkit: *tackles Redkit* Rawr! I’m a zombie-kitty!

Redkit: *screams and runs around in circle*

Lostdreams: Thornkit, go to your room right now! *turns to Dream and Everkit* Dream, let Everkit go before she suffocates and dies!

Dream: Aww, fine, can I go with Thornkit?

Lostdreams: Sure

Dream: Yesh! *tackles Thornkit*

Everkit: *gasps* I think I might live…

Smokekit: *texts on his kitty-phone*

Lostdreams: Who are you texting? *takes Smokekit’s phone*

Smokekit: Give it back! *grabs phone and runs to his room*

Lostdreams: Everyone, time to go to bed!

Flarekit: *shrieks* NOOOOOO!!!! *starts to run around in circles*

Lostdreams: *trips Flarekit and drags him to his room*

Flarekit: No! No! NO! *digs claws into ground and refuses to go into room*

Lostdreams: *forces Flarekit into his room and then locks the door*

Everkit: *runs to room*

Other Kits: *run to rooms*

Lostdreams: *heads towards her den*

Flarekit: LOSTDREAMS! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!


Episode 2
Dream: *skips around* Kits, kits, kits, I love kits!

Smokekit: *texts*

Redkit: Who are you texting Smokekit?

Smokekit: No one, go away

Redkit: No! You can’t tell me what to do!

Smokekit: Oh yeah? *grins evilly* I’m a vampire-kitty *says in accent*

Redkit: AHHHHH! *runs away in terror*

Dream: *picks up Everkit and starts to hug her really, really, REALLY hard*

Everkit: Plz… help… too… young… to… die…. *gasps*

Thornkit: We are NOT related!

Moonkit: Yes we are!

Thornkit: Just because we came from the same adoption center doesn’t mean that were littermates!

Moonkit: Whatever *walks away*

Flarekit: Insert food! *follows Lostdreams around with mouth wide open*

Thornkit: I have something for you to eat Flarekit! *stuffs mushroom in Flarekit’s mouth* On Mariokart and Mario Bros you grow big!

Flarekit: Really? By just eating a mushroom? *starts to grow bigger*

Everkit: *escapes from Dream* Hey, we should play Mariokart

Thornkit: Ok! I call being Bowser! *grabs controller*

Moonkit: I call Princess Peach! *grabs another controller*

Flarekit: But Mariokart is for only four players, and there’s six of us

Smokekit: Count me OUT I’m too busy to play silly little games with you guys

Everkit: Ok, cool! *looks around* And Redkit disappeared so…

Flarekit: All four of us can play! *grabs controller and chooses to be Donkey Kong*

Everkit: Yesh! I love this game! *chooses to be King Boo*

Thornkit: START! *rams Mario*

Flarekit: After this we should watch Finding Nemo *eats mushroom and Donkey Kong grows*

Moonkit: Isn’t that the movie with that weird blue fish named Dory who constantly sings? *throws shell at Bowser*

Thornkit: DARN YOU PRINCESS PEACH! *gets the bullet thing and rams Princess Peach*

Everkit: Oh yeah, I love that movie! *starts singing “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…**passes finish line in 7th place*

Thornkit: Ha! I got 1st place! *dances*

Smokekit: *texts: yeah, these other kits r so weird, plz help me*

Lostdreams: Who told Redkit about vampire-kittys and zombie-kittys?

Redkit: *cries behind Lostdreams*

Smokekit: Uhh…. *runs to his room*

Thornkit: Moonkit did!

Moonkit: No I didn’t! Thornkit’s a liar!

Thornkit: Stop lying, Moonkit *rolls eyes* Kits these days

Moonkit: What are you talking about? You’re a kit!

Thornkit: Yeah, well I’m an older kit

Moonkit: Not as old as Smokekit! You don’t even have a kitty-phone yet!

Thornkit: Awww, is the little baby-kit jealous of me?

Moonkit: Grrr! *tackles*

Lostdreams: You two, STOP FIGHTING! *drags Moonkit to her room and locks the door, then locks Thornkit in his room*

Everkit: You guys want to watch Finding Nemo?

Dream: I love that movie *starts badly singing*

Lostdreams: Ugh, I’m going to bed *goes to her den*

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(LIONXPURDY This is one that I'm actually glad I saved, because it's part of forum history.)

It was a bright and sunny day. Rainbows were sparkling while butterflies fluttered around the heads of little ponies who were trotting around a field of daisies.
Ah, sorry, let's get out of Ivypaw's dream.
IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY DAY. Lionblaze was out in the forest with Cinderheart for some reason, while the icy cold rain matted their fur and pelted the sides of the the trees.
"Why did you drag me out here, woman?" Lionblaze complained, huddling under a bush. "Let's get back to camp where it's dry!"
Cinderheart ignored him, walking through the rain with great Mary Sue dignity. She settled in the open, her fur dry and untouched as a golden ray of sunshine poked through the clouds and made her fur sparkle.
"Lionblaze," she meowed. "I... I wanted to let you know, that after our midnight walk--"
"Oh, that old thing? I wanted to let you know that I--"
"SHUT UP!" Cinderheart spat. "THE AUTHORS' GIFT FROM STARCLAN IS SPEAKING, SO LISTEN! I wanted to say I realized I love you! Let's be mates and make all the other she-kitties jealous!" She pranced in a circle, sitting down by Lionblaze, beginning to groom his dripping wet fur.
"OMSC! COOTIES! GET OFFA MEEE!" Lionblaze shrieked, bounding up, running for the camp. "YOU'RE CRAZY!"
Cinderheart shot after him, chasing him through the forest. "Don't play hard to get!" she yelled, crashing through the undergrowth. She squeezed through the thorn tunnel after him, following his scent to the elders den. Before she could arrive there, standing in the middle of camp, Lionblaze emerged again from the den, Purdy at his side. Mousefur shot out of the den close behind along with Molekit and Cherrykit at her side, confused looks on their faces. "PURDY!" Molekit wailed. "You HAVE to finish telling us the World War II story! What did the American twolegs do next?"
Purdy ignored the kit, rushing up to Cinderheart with a look of disgust on his old face. "You, young 'un!" he spat. "You tryin' a steal my beloved?"
Cinderheart shook her head in disbelief. "What?"
Lionblaze shoved past Purdy. "You promised you wouldn't do this!" he muttered, looking up at Cinderheart.
"I kinda forgot to tell you, ummm... You sort of, waited too long after the midnight walk. I sort of... fell in love with Purdy." Lionblaze said quickly, brushing pelts with the elder.
"WHAT?" Cinderheart asked in disbelief.
"Ah, yes, feels like the good ol' days when I was the most attractive tom in upwalkerplace..."
"Yes, you can tell that story later," Lionblaze dismissed, looking back at the gray she-cat. "Anyway, Purdy is my true love now. I'm expecting his kits!" he mewed, his amber eyes gleaming.
"WHAT?" Cinderheart finally gasped. "But, aren't you a tom?"
"Silly she-cat!" Lionblaze giggled, prancing in a circle. "I'm a she-tom!"
"But--" Cinderheart was cut off from a horrified voice in the background.
"PURDY! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!" Mousefur tumbled onto the ground in front of the three cats, trembling.
"Ah, Mouseyfur, y'see, you're too old for me! I need a fresh young 'un like Lionblaze!" He meowed, purring.
Cinderheart stood there, still confused with disbelief. Mousefur began sobbing, but Purdy didn't seem to notice. He seemed distracted by a butterfly that was fluttering around, straying from Ivypaw's fantasies.
Cinderheart's shock was broken as a tumble of cats, all seeming to fight eachother, rolled across the camp. Out of the tumble came Heathertail, Icecloud, Hazeltail, and Berrynose. "LIONBLAZEY!" Icecloud screamed. "We heard you got a new mate?! HOW DARE YOU?! WHERE IS SHE?"
"Um, y'see-" Purdy was cut off by a growl from Heathertail.
"It's her! It's Cinderfart! GET HER!" she threw herself across the clearing, wrestling with the gray she-cat. Lionblaze rolled his eyes, wrapping his tail neatly around his paws.
Hazeltail, Icecloud, and Berrynose stalked forward angrily. "Who did you choose as a mate? How could you abandon us?!" Berrynose sobbed, his half-tail drooping.
"YOUNG 'UNS! LEAVE MY LIONBLAZEY ALONE, Y'HEAR?" Purdy shouted, shoving his face into a confused Berrynose.
Heathertail smashed Cinderheart's head into a rock and left her there, bounding back across the clearing. "This old flea-bag is your mate? You mean, I just killed Cinderheart for nothing?"
Cinderheart stirred by the rock, looking confused. "Huh? What's going on? Where are my herbs? Are the badgers gone?"
"Look, guys, Purdy is my mate now!" Lionblaze exclaimed angrily, lashing his tail.
"Lionblaze, this is an outrage!" Firestar yowled, bounding down from the high-ledge. A confused Cinderheart wandered over to the medicine den.
"How dare you question our love?" Lionblaze hissed, face a whisker away from Firestar.
"What love?" the ginger tom giggled. "You brought a Windclan cat into the camp!" He pointed to Heathertail. "I hearby banish you!"
A crashing sound came from the medicine den, as Cinderheart rolled out, wrestling in an epic fail medicine cat fight with Jayfeather. "WHO ARE YOU?!" She screeched. "WHERE IS MY APPRENTICE?!"
Leafpool dashed across the clearing. "Dear Starclan, no!"
"Err, Cinderheart, are you okay? Why are you attacking Jayfeather?" Firestar meowed.
"Firestar! Who is Cinderheart? You know my name!"
Jayfeather froze, and Leafpool hit her head against a rock in frustration.
"...I'm Cinderpelt! Who are all these cats? Where are the badgers?"
"Oh yeah, we kind of forgot to tell you, Cinderheart is ACTUALLY Cinderpelt," Jayfeather meowed, ignoring a passed out Leafpool beside him.
"EWWWY! I had a crush on an old she-cat? COOTIES!" Lionblaze shrieked. "Anyway, since I'm banished, let's get out of here, Purdy."
Firestar whipped around.
"Ohhh, no, Purdy is not coming with you!" he spat.
"What? Why not?" Lionblaze hissed.
"Because, silly she-tom!" Firestar giggled. "Purdy was a kittypet, and therefor, he has to stay in Thunderclan!"
"I'm a'goin with the youn 'un!" Purdy replied.
"Why would you want to be with a clan born cat?" Firestar gasped in disbelief. Suddenly, his brain exploded, and he lost another life.
"Quick, while he's distracted, Purdy!" Lionblaze hissed, leading Purdy out of the camp, while the other cats were distracted by a dying Firestar, Leafpool, and a confused Cinderpeltheart.
And from that day on, they lived happily ever after. Unfortunately, Purdy outlived Lionblaze in the end because he is immortal.
THE END.

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Episode one - How Bluestar really died:

Mistyfoot and Stonefur: Bluestar, don't die!
Bluestar: *coughs up water* Oh, get over it. I had to die some day.
*Random bush explodes*
Mistyfoot: Okay then.....
Fireheart: O, noble and glorious Bluestar, dust thou wish to say something to me before ye dies?
Bluestar: Yes *cough* I do....Don't talk like that.
Fireheart: Okey-Dokey, Bluestar!
Bluestar: And one more thing....
Fireheart: Yes?
Bluestar, After I die, when you bury me.....bury me with my Yo-Yo.
Fireheart: You have a Yo-Yo?
Bluestar: Yes, it's in the back of my den. I used to know all the tricks.....Oakheart was so impressed...
Ghost of Oakheart: No I wasn't...
Bluestar: Hey! Yes you were!
Ghost of Oakheart: You couldn't even get the darn thing back up the string!
Bluestar: Oh, I'm gonna slap you so hard when I get up there........*dies*
Fireheart: Uhhhh...
Ghost of Bluestar: *Slap*
Ghost of Oakheart: OWWW!

The End

Episode two - Oh no you didn't!

Tigerstar: I am all powerful!
Firestar: Nuh-uh!
Tigerstar: Uh-huh!
Firestar: Nuh-UH!!
Tigerstar: UH-HUH!!! *Shoves Firestar*
Firestar: Oh no you didn't!
Tigerstar: Oh YEAH I di-id!
Firestar: *Shoves Tigerstar*
Tigerstar: OH you did NOT just go there!!!
Firestar: Oh yes I did! I went there, took some pictures, and came back!!!
Tigerstar: YAHHHH! *Leaps on Firestar*
Firestar: Oh no you don't! *Doges and then attacks*
Tigerstar: Take this, Firefart!!!
*Intense battle slowly turns into slap fight*
Tigerstar: Oww!!
Firestar: You started it!
Tigerstar: OH YEAH?? WELL--
Bramblepaw: *Takes off headphones* OH WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP???
Firestar and Tigerstar: O_o'

The End

Episode three - Metal detector: part one

Dovepaw: *Flipping through channels on TV*
Lionblaze: *Jumps out of nearby apple* HEY DOVEPAW!
Dovepaw: *Grunts and doesn't look away from TV* I don't wanna go out for another training session, Lionblaze.
Lionblaze: Awe, come onnnnnn! It'll be FUN!
Dovepaw: Last time I checked, learning how to stalk leaves doesn't qualify as "FUN".
Lionblaze: BUT IT'S AN IMPORTANT SKILL! What if the leaves are doing something we should know about?!??
Dovepaw: ...
Lionblaze: HEY what's that thing on the TV?
Dovepaw: Uh, it's a metal detector.
Lionblaze: A what?
Guy on TV: I was so bored before I got my 8000-watt Super-Deluxe tomato powered Metal detector!
Lionblaze: *Eyes get bigger*
Guy on TV: But now I'm out every day searching my back yard! And look what I found! *Holds up full body jumpsuit made of gold*
Lionblaze: Ooooo...
Voice on TV: CALL NOW to buy your 8000-watt Super-Deluxe tomato powered metal detector! And it's FREE if you pay an extra $99.95! Just call 555-555-5551!!!
Lionblaze: OH. MY. GOSH. DOVEPAW!
Dovepaw: Yes, that's my name =/
Lionblaze: We HAVE TO buy an 8000-watt Super-Deluxe....uh....something-something metal detector!
Dovepaw: With what? I don't have any money, and neither do you.
Lionblaze: *Pulls out 786,567,054 dollars*
Dovepaw: HOLY $#%& Where did you get that much money?!?!!
Lionblaze: Firestar's laundry.
Dovepaw: O_O
Lionblaze: OKAY so lets get that metal detector!

To be Continued...

Episode four - Metal detector: part two

Lionblaze: *sitting outside camp entrance*
Spiderleg: Hey Lionblaze, it's my turn to guard the camp. *yawns*
Lionblaze: *looking into the forest* Oh, I'm not guarding the camp.
Spiderleg: Huh? well than what the crud are you doing out here? It's the middle of the night!
Lionblaze: I'm waiting for my Metal detector.
Spiderleg: Seriously Lionblaze? *yawns* The mail doesn't come until sunris--
*Mail-cat runs by and drops package on Spiderleg*
Spiderleg: Ow.
*Dog bursts out of the bushes and chases Mail-cat*
Lionblaze: *Grabs package* IT'S HEEEERE! *Rips box open with tongue*
Spiderleg: Uh, how did you just--
Lionblaze: MY METAL DETECTOR!!! WOOOOT!
Spiderleg: Great. Can you go to sleep now befor--
Lionblaze: *Runs off into forest leaving trail of fire*
Spiderleg: Ugh. *yawns* well, maybe while he's searching for stuff he'll find his sanity.
Jayfeather: Pfft! Well if that's true, then some twoleg somewhere is making a bunch of dumb stories about us that make us all look stupid!
Spiderleg: *looks at you* O_o'

To be Continued...

Episode five - Metal detector: part three (FINALLY)

Lionblaze: *Is walking around with metal detector to the ground*
Jayfeather: *Walks up casually* Sup, Lionblaze?
Lionblaze: AHHHH!!!!
Jayfeather: O.O
Lionblaze: Jayfeather you can't just walk up to somebody and call their name all of the sudden!!!
Jayfeather: PFFT Tell that to all 18 Episodes of the last series!
Lionblaze: Huh?
Jayfeather: Nevermind. So, what are you doing out here anyway? I saw you run out of camp several hours ago and I was wondering why you seemed so excited.
Lionblaze: OH YEAH that's because I just got this; *Steps aside to reveal metal detector*
Jayfeather: Andddd what is it?
Lionblaze: An 8000-watt Super-Deluxe tomato powered Metal detector!
Jayfeather: It's powered by tomatoes?
Lionblaze: YEP IT'S AWESOME!
Jayfeather: ...so have you found anything in the ground yet?
Lionblaze: *Pouts* No... *kicks rock*
Jayfeather: *is silent for a moment* Uh Lionblaze...
Lionblaze: What?
Jayfeather: That was your pet rock.
Lionblaze: *GASP* JERRY!!!! NOOOOOO!!!
Jayfetaher: O_o' You know you could just go pick it up--
Lionblaze: *Throws metal detector into brick wall and dives towards rock* OH JERRY I'M SO SORRY!!!
Jayfeather: *Looks at the really expensive metal detector that is now destroyed and then looks at Lionblaze, who is cuddling a rock* ...Okay this really doesn't make any sense... *Looks at the brick wall* And how the heck did that get there???
Lionblaze: *Doesn't stop snuggling rock*
Jayfeather: LIONBLAZE!
Lionblaze: Wha--?
Jayfeather: *grunts* Do you know how that brick wall got there? *Flicks tail towards wall*
Lionblaze: OH! Yeah. Breezepelt put that there.
Jayfeather: O_O WHAT?! Why????
Lionblaze: He wants you to walk into it.
Jayfeather: -_-'

The End

(Okay now that you've read that, I want you to post the word "PAPAYA" below if you noticed that Jayfeather was looking at the brick wall and a couple other things, when he's actually supposed to be blind XD)

Episode six - Blue's Clues

Lionblaze: *Walks up* Hey! It's YOU How are you doing today???
*Long silence*
Lionblaze: ME TOOOOO! Wow! We have a lot in common!
*Pale and Shovel run on screen*
Pale: Lionblaze! Lionblaze!
Lionblaze: What's wrong?????
Shovel: We were playing in the sand box when we lost our toy truck!!!!
Lionblaze: GASP Oh noes!
Pale: Will you help us find it???
Lionblaze: You bet!!!
*Goofy music plays as they waltz over to the sand box*
Shovel: It was right here! *points at random patch of sand*
Lionblaze: Hmmmmm...... Where could it be???
Voices of random kids you can't see: A CLUE!!!
Lionblaze: *Turns around* Hey! One of Blue's paw prints is on this dead fish! Do you know what that means?
Jayfeather: You're going to start acting like a sensible character for the first time in one of Swiftshadow's spoofs?
Lionblaze: NOPE!
Jayfeather:
Lionblaze: It means that Blue must've taken the truck, and is leaving clues to show us were it is!!!!
Jayfeather: ........why?
Lionblaze: I dunno.
Jayfeather: Well that's stupid! Why don't you just get your dumb dog to tell you where the truck is?!?
Lionblaze: Well...Blue can't talk...
Jayfeather: Well, then just get her to show you where it is!
Lionblaze: But that's no fun!
Jayfeather: UHG this is hopeless! Why did your dog even steal the truck anyway??? Don't you think that's kind of rude?
Lionblaze Shovel and Pale:
Breezepelt: *Runs up with Flamethrower* DIE!!! *Burns Pale and Shovel to ash*
Lionblaze: *Screams*
Breezepelt: YESSS! Now the Sandbox is ALL MINNNEEE!!!
Jayfeather: O.o
Blue: *runs up barking*
Lionblaze: Blue! What's wrong???
Blue: *Starts barking louder*
Lionblaze: She's trying to tell us something!
Breezepelt: *Lying in sandbox* Tell her to SHUT UP!
Blue: *starts barking really loud*
Lionblaze: Why is she so freaked out???
Jayfeather: Maybe it's cause she saw Breezepelt in a bikini.
Breezepelt: HEY!!! I look GREAT in a Bikini !!!!
Jayfeather: O_O
Lionblaze: SERIOUSLY GUYS Blue is really freaked out!
Breezepelt: SO???
Blue: *Starts barking really really loud and then explodes*
Lionblaze:
Breezepelt: Good. Now I don't have to blow it up.

The End

Episode seven - Not the Tribe!

Jayfeather: *is dreaming*
Spottedleaf: Standing 2 inches away from Jayfeather's ear* HEY JAYFEATHER!
Jayfeather: AHG!!! *Jumps 3 feet in the air*
Spottedleaf:
Jayfeather: *lands on ground clumsily* WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT????
Spottedleaf: I was just trying to get your attention... *talking innocently*
Jayfeather: *grunts* Well, what do you want?!
Spottedleaf: Oh yeah. You have to go to the tribe.
Jayfeather: WHAT? Oh, no, I don't think so! I'm sick of the tribe! *Flicks tail towards you* and so are the warriors fans!
Spottedleaf: Well, to bad. You have to go.
Jayfeather: WHY???
Spottedleaf: Because they need your help!
Jayfeather: Again? Can't they take care of themselves for at least 5 minutes???
Spottedleaf: *Laughs hysterically*
Jayfeather: WHAT!?
Spottedleaf: *Giggles* sorry. And no, they can't.
Jayfeather: -_-' Well what the crud are they having problems with this time?
Spottedleaf: Their names.
Jayfeather: Huh?
Spottedleaf: Well, you see, some enemy cats drove them out of their cave...
Jayfeather: *mumbles* big surprise...
Spottedleaf: ...and they're taking shelter under a rock.
Jayfeather: So?
Spottedleaf: Well.... they're queens have had a couple litters of kits recently...
Jayfeather: .......and your point is?
Spottedleaf: *hesitates* Wellll....right now they have a lot of cats named "Roof of rock"...
Jayfeather: *starts laughing*
Spottedleaf: It's not funny!
Jayfeather: *laughs harder*
Spottedleaf: Stop it!
Jayfeather: *tries to stop laughing*
Spottedleaf: ...
Jayfeather: Okay, sorry. I just *giggles* ...I just knew one day their technique for naming kits *giggle* would let them down some day *Starts laughing again*
Spottedleaf: -_-

The End

Episode eight - _________ Part 1

Jayfeather: *Is relaxshun *
Lionblaze: JAYFEATHER! *Leaps into the air and lands on top of Jayfeather*
Jayfeather: *Explodes*
Lionblaze: HOLY CRUD!!!
Jayfeather: *Leaps out of a nearby bush* Ah-HA!!! You landed on my Fake Jayfeather!
Lionblaze: JAYFEATHER! YOUR OKAY! *Tackles Jayfeather*
Jayfeather: Ow.
Lionblaze: But how come you're okay after after you exploded???
Jayfeather: -_-' Nevermind. What do you want this time, Lionblaze?
Lionblaze: I got us 4 tickets to--
Jayfeather: Again with the FOUR tickets??? Lionblaze for the last time I don't like hanging out with Willowshine and Breezepelt!
Lionblaze: Nonsense! We have such great times together!
Jayfeather: Riiiiiiight. Well, anyway, what are the tickets for this time?
Lionblaze: Are you sure you wanna know? *leans in close*
Jayfeather: ...yeah I'm sure...
Lionblaze: These tickets are for......
*Firestar appears and plays Drum roll*
Jayfeather: O_o'
Lionblaze: ........SIX-FLAGS OVER THUNDERCLAN!
Jayfeather: ....Huh? We don't have a Six-Flags on our territory!
Lionblaze: Of course we do! It's Right beside the abandoned Twoleg nest! Haven't you seen it?
Jayfeather: No Lionblaze I haven't seen it -_-'
Lionblaze: Oh, really? Well that's weird!
Jayfeather: ....Yeah.
Lionblaze: Well come on! Willowshine and Breezepelt are waiting by the entrance!
Jayfeather: Starclan help me...

To be Continued...

Episode nine - Six Flags Part 2

Lionblaze: WE'RE HEEEEEEEERE EVERYBODY!!!
Willowshine: JAY-JAYYYY!!!
Jay-Jay: Ugh.
Breezepelt: Can we just hurry up and go inside?!
Lionblaze: YOU BET! *Runs up to the entry gates*
Ticket-cat: Tickets, please.
Lionblaze: Oh yeah, they're in my pocket! One sec!
*Everybody waits*
Lionblaze: Hey wait... I don't have pockets... Well I wonder where I put the tickets then...
Ticket-cat: Look, if you don't have tickets, I can't let you in.
Jayfeather: Awwwww... What a shame. WELL I guess I'll be going home then!
Lionblaze: OH found the tickets!
Jayfeather: Mouse dung.
Ticket-cat: Okay, welcome to Six-Flags over Thunderclan. Have a Fun-tastic day. *yawn*
Lionblaze: Come on!
Narrator: soon...
Willowshine: WOOOWWWW Look at all the Roller-coasters! Oooo lets ride that one! *flicks tail towards a flat circle of train-tracks*
Breezepelt: Are you kidding!? That crud-pile is for kits! I wanna ride THAT!!! *Points at huge Roller Coaster that disappears into the clouds*
Willowshine: GASP That's the Titan! I can't ride that!!!
Jayfeather: Well how about we try that thing over there *Flicks tail to the left*
Lionblaze: But that's the Exit!
Jayfeather: I know
Lionblaze: Well how about we ride that! *Points at a medium-sized Roller-coaster* If we ride that, it makes everyone happy!
Jayfeather: Except me!
Breezepelt: *Talking through mouthful of cotton candy* WHO CARES???
Jayfeather: *Wipes cotton candy off of face* Okay look your really starting to get on my nerv--- wait... where did you get this cotton candy???
Breezepelt: *Shrugs*
Lionblaze: Quit messing around guys! Lets ride the Roller-Coaster already
Narrator: Moments later...
Breezepelt: Well this stinks.
Lionblaze: What? Everybody has to wait in line!
Breezepelt: Well I'm bored! *Takes out IPhone 6 and opens the App store*
Jayfeather: Lionblaze do we really have to ride this??
Lionblaze: SURE WE DO! It'll be fun! OH the line is moving!
Jayfeather: Oh Joy. One step closer to my doom.
Willowshine: I can't wait! This is going to be so fun!!! I wonder if I'll throw-up on somebody
Jayfeather: *Starts backing away*
Breezepelt: HEY check this out! There's an App on here!
Jayfeather: What a surprise.
Breezepelt: Look! it's called App-zilla! It's got 90 Apps and it's only a Dollar! Suh-weet!
Jayfeather: Yeah I bet all the Apps on there are- *Trips on a rock and falls into the next cat in line*
Cat in line: AHG!
Jayfeather: WOOPS! Sorry I-- KESTRELFLIGHT?
Kestrelflight: Jayfeather? WUZZUP, MAN!??!
Jayfeather: Oh Starclan...
Lionblaze: SUP KESTREL!
Kestrelflight: YO LION!
Jayfeather:
Breezepelt: Hey Losers! The line moved! We're next!
Lionblaze: OH BOY! Looks like we get to ride it together!
Jayfeather: My day just keeps getting better...

To be Continued...

Episode ten - Six Flags Part 3

Narrator: After much resistance, Jayfeather was forced to sit in the front of the Roller-Coaster cart with Kestrelflight and Willowshine, while Lionblaze and Breezepelt sat in the rear...
Lionblaze: This is gonna be so AWESOME!
Six-Flags Staff cat: Alright, please keep your hands inside the vehicle at all t--
Breezepelt: Yeah, yeah, we know! Just get on with it!
Six-flags Staff cat: *pushes button and Roller-Coaster Starts moving*
Breezepelt: Why are we going so slow????
Lionblaze: Well we have to get to the top of the first drop before we go fast.
Willowshine: Drop? OMG HOLD ME JAY-JAY!!!
Jayfeather: >_<
Narrator: As the Roller Coaster reaches the top of slope, everyone realizes that soon they will begin the drop to their certain and quite inevitable doom, as with each passing second, the smell of death begins to--
Jayfeather: WILL YOU SHUT UP!?
Lionblaze: Hey, cool! I can smell death!
Breezepelt: That's probably my Deodorant.
Jayfeather: ...wonderful.
Kestrelflight: Hey guys, look!
*Roller Coaster Starts going down-hill*
Everybody: *Screaming*
Breezepelt: *yawns*
*Roller Coaster begins doing various loops and corkscrews*
Everybody: *screaming louder*
Breezepelt: This Roller Coaster is lame!
Jayfeather: PLEASE TRY NOT TO MAKE IT ANGRY!
Breezepelt: O_o
*Roller Coaster goes off a jump*
Jayfeather: WHAT THE FLUMP? WE AREN'T EVEN ATTACHED TO THE TRACK ANYMORE!
Breezepelt: I know it's awesome! KITKATS FTW!!!
Everybody:
Breezepelt: What???
*Roller Coaster lands safely on the track*
Jayfeather: Thank Starclan!
*Roller Coaster suddenly flies off track at high speeds*
Jayfeather: Aw, COME ON!!!
*RollerCoaster plows through random concession stands*
Breezepelt: YEAHHHHH!!!!
Jayfeather: What is your problem???
Breezepelt: Well, first of all--
Jayfeather: NEVERMIND!
*Roller Coaster crashes through the gift shop*
Lionblaze: OOOOOO can I get a Snow-globe!?
Jayfeather: NO!
*Roller Coaster rams through the Six-Flags exit and into Thunderclan Territory*
Jayfeather: you've gotta be kidding me.
Narrator: Meanwhile...
Berrynose: Alright! I'm in charge of this training session! Any questions???
Apprentice: *raises paw*
Berrynose: NO QUESTIONS IN MY CLASS!
Apprentice: *puts paw down quickly*
Purdy: *walks into training hollow* Excuse me but I have to be usin' the Bathroom.
Berrynose: Well, then go use the Bathroom!
Purdy: Can you help me out?
Berrynose: O_O
Apprentice: *raises paw*
Berrynose: WHAT DO YOU WANT????
Apprentice: Can we go to Six Flags?
Berrynose: What? No! This is a Training session!
Apprentice: But I wanna ride a Roller Coasterrrr!!! *whines*
Purdy: Me too!
Berrynose: For the last time, NO! I HATE Roller Coasters!
Apprentice: Why?
Berrynose: Because they hate me!
Purdy: Aw, now that there is ridiculous. Aint no Roller Coasters hurtin' nobody!
*Roller Coaster bursts through the trees and runs over Berrynose*
Purdy: ..........Nevermind.
Narrator: Back on the Roller Coaster...
Jayfeather: This is crazy! We're going way to fast and we're practically DESTROYING our Territory!
Breezepelt: Yep. This is officially my favorite Roller Coaster ever.
Jayfeather: -_-'
Kestrelflight: So how come I haven't gotten to say very much in this episode?
Jayfeather: That doesn't matter! We need to find a way to stop this thing!
Lionblaze: We do? Oh, okay then!
*Roller Coaster stops*
Jayfeather: WHAT THE--- How did you do that???
Lionblaze: I pulled the Brake lever!
Jayfeather:
Breezepelt: *Talking through mouthful of Cotton candy* That was totally awesome. Next time lets ride the Titan and see what we can destroy on that!
Jayfeather: Better idea; LETS NOT! And, for the last time, where did you get that Cotton Candy???
Willowshine: Wait guys...I feel kinda... *Throws up on Jayfeather*
Jayfeather: AHGG!!!
Willowshine: WOW! I DID throw up on somebody!!!
Jayfeather: Ugh.

The End.

Episode eleven - The Gathering

Blackstar: Let the Gathering Begin!!!!
Mistystar: OH! OH! *Bounces up and down on tree branch* Can I go first!
Blackstar: Um, yeah go ahead... *Steps back*
Mistystar: YAY! Okay, so, guess what everybody!
The Clans: ...
Mistystar: As of today, Riverclan is officially THE MOST AWESOMEST CLAN EVAR!!!!
Riverclan: *cheers*
Rowanclaw: HEY! I object! You can't just declare that your clan is awesomest!
Breezepelt: YEAH! Windclan FTW!
Rowanclaw: HEY! I didn't mean--
Reedwhisker: Who cares what you meant! Riverclan is best!
Breezepelt: HEY!!! No it isn't!
Reedwhisker: IS TOO!
Lionblaze: I LIKE CEREAL!
Toadfoot: NO OATMEAL IS BETTER!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Firestar: *Starts growling* ENOUGH!!!!!
*Everyone goes silent*
Firestar: I'm disappointed in all of you!!! Arguing over who's clan is better! *Starts talking in silly voice* "Oh, MY Clan is the greatest! Your clan is laaaame!" *Stops talking silly* Are you all mouse-brained?
*Other clans look down at their paws*
Firestar: I mean, we all know Thunderclan is best!
*Other clans yowl in protest*
Firestar: What? I was kidding! Can't you cats take a joke?
Rowanclaw. Of course I can. If it's a DECENT joke!
Firestar: HEY!!!
Blackstar: *Steps in front of Firestar quickly* OKAY! No need to keep arguing. It was just Firestar's bad sense of humor acting up again.
*Everyone laughs*
Firestar:
Blackstar: So, anyway, Shadowclan has been thriving. We are all well fed and strong. And we have two new warriors now! Randomtail and Fakepelt!
*A few cats start chanting the names, then realize nobody else is doing it and stop chanting*
Blackstar: =/ and that concludes my report *Steps back*
Onestar: *Steps forward* Windclan is doing good too. The prey is running, and the apprentices are doing well with their training. Also, we have upgraded our warriors den with a 55" Flat screen TV.
Windclan: *cheers*
Blackstar: Big deal! We have a 60" flat screen!
Shadowclan: *yowls of approval*
Onestar: Who cares! OUR TV has a BLU-RAY player!
Windclan: *Looking very smug at this point*
Mistystar: Well we have a GREEN-BEAM player!
Onestar: What? That doesn't exist!
Miststar: YOU'RE MEAN!
Onestar: O_o
Firestar: Well WE have an entire Six-flags park on our territory! Yeah that's right. SIX FLAGS OVER THUNDERCLAN! Beat that!
Fakepelt: I heard one of the Roller-coasters broke off it's track and destroyed--
Firestar: OKAY That concludes this gathering!

The End.

Episode Twelve - Who wants to be a Thousand-air? Part 1

Graystripe: *Dozing on Sunningrocks*
Fireheart: *Leaps out of tree and lands next to Graystripe's ear* HEY GRAYSTRIPE!!!
Graystripe: AHG!!!!
Fireheart: GUESS. WHAT.
Graystripe: *Yawns* Firehart, I'm getting tired of your surprises.
Fireheart: But this one ROCKS!!! You know that Game show Bluestar watches?!
Graystripe: Who wants to be a Thousand-air?
Fireheart: YUSH!
Graystripe: What about it?
Fireheart: You've just been invited to come play! *Holds up piece of paper*
Graystripe: WHAT? Lemme see that! *Grabs paper and reads* Wow, I can't believe it! I'm gonna be on TV! But do you think I'm smart enough to win any money?
Fireheart: Uhhhhh . . . wellll . . . NARRATOR, THAT'S YOUR QUE!
Graystripe: HEY!
Narrator: After a short trip to SwiftyStudios, and a boring night at a hotel, Graystripe was finally brought onto the set of "Who wants to be a Thousand-air".
Graystripe: Wow, a real game show set! This is so cool!
Fireheart: YEAH! But where do I sit?
Studio cat: Right over there, *flicks tail towards audience*
Fireheart: COOLIO!
Studio cat: *Talking loudly* Okay, we're live in 5 minutes!
Graystripe: This is a live show?
Studio cat: Yes! Now go sit with the other cats who are waiting for a spot in the hot seat.
Graystripe: You got it! *Pads over to a set of chairs with a bunch of other cats sitting in them* Do I sit here?
*Random cat nods*
Graystripe: *sits* This is gonna be awesome.
Fireheart: Psssst! *Whispering loudly* Graystripe! I'm up here!
Graystripe: *Turns around to see Fireheart sitting in audience*
Fireheart: HI!!!
Graystripe: Uhh, hi Fireheart.
Studio cat: We're live in 1 minute!
Graystripe: *Leans over to cat in next seat and whispers* How cool is this? We're gonna be on TV!
Tigerclaw: I know.
Graystripe: AHG! TIGERCLAW! YOU'RE HERE TOO???
Tigerclaw: Of course I am! I'm a genius, why wouldn't I be here?
Graystripe: You were banished from Thunderclan last week!
Tigerclaw: So? This isn't Thunderclan, mouse-brain!
Graystripe: Oh yeah . . .
Fireheart: Pssst! Graystripe!
Graystripe: What?
Fireheart: Tell Tigerclaw I said hi!!!
Graystripe: O_o' *Turns back to Tigerclaw* Fireheart says hi.
Tigerclaw: Oh yeah?!? Well you tell that mangy Kittypet that I--
Studio cat: Were live in 5 seconds!!!
Tigerclaw:
Graystripe: Oh boy!
Studio cat: ...3...2...1...

To be continued...

Episode thirteen - Who wants to be a Thousand-air? Part 2

Barley: Hello, people at home! I'm Barley, and this is *Music plays* Who wants to be a Thousand-air!
Audience: *Applause*
Balrey: *Sitting in a chair opposite to an empty seat on one side of a small table* So, as you can see the hot seat is empty. Who will sit in it today, and try their best to win one thousand dollars? Lets find out!
Audience: *Applause*
Barley: So now lets meet our first 10 contestants! And they are:
*Audience claps as Barley says all the contestant's names'*
Balrey: ...Tigerclaw, from somewhere outside Clan territory! And finally, Graystripe, from Thunderclan!
Audience: *MORE applause*
Barley: And now lets find out who our first contestant to play for the thousand dollars will be. And here's how it's gonna work; In a moment a question with four correct answers will appear on screen. The first contestant to put the answers in the correct order will get a spot in the hot seat and a chance at the thousand!
Audience: *Applause*
Barley so here we go! *Music starts playing* Put the following cartoons in order, starting with the newest show and ending with the oldest; 'Invader Zim', 'Avatar the last Airbender', 'The Ren & Stimpy show', and 'Fish hooks'. GO!
*dramatic music plays as the contestants quickly put the shows in order*
Barley: Time's up! And the correct order is Fish hooks, Avatar the last Airbender, Invader Zim, and finally the Ren and Stimpy show. Lets see who go it right first!
*Drum roll*
Barley: IT'S GRAYSTRIPE, FROM THUNDERCLAN!!!
Audience: *Cheers AND applause*
Graystripe: *Gets up out of chair and sits in hot seat*
Barley: Hi, Graystripe! Welcome to WHO WANTS TO BE A THOUSAND-AIR! Are you excited?
Graystripe: Of course!
Barley: Well good because YOU'VE GOT A SHOT AT 1000 DOLLARS!
Audience: *Cheers*
Barley: So the game is simple. I Ask you questions, and you answer them. If you get them all right, YOU WIN A THOUSAND DOLLARS! If you get something wrong, your out of the game! But you have 4 life-lines: Fifty-Fifty, Ask the Audience, Phone a friend, and Phone a Ham!
Graystripe: Phone a Ham????
Barley: OKAY, lets get started! After all, we've already taken up half the spoof with the intro!
Audience: *Laughs*
Graystripe: Wait, what?
Barley: OKAY Here's your first question;
*Lights flash and dramatic music plays*
Barley: What thing comes in only one color? Is it A - Crayons, B - Trix Cereal, C - Multicolor Christmas lights, or D - an Orange?
Graystripe: -_-' I'm gonna have to say D - an Orange.
Barley: YOU GOT IT, FOR 10 dollars!
Audience: *Applause*
Barley: Okay, next question; Which breakfast food was mentioned in the last question????? Is it A - Trix Cereal, B - a Cereal bar, C - Fruit loops, or D - Ice cream?
Graystripe: Okay, I'm not really sure Ice cream qualifies as a breakfast food . . . so I'll go with A - Trix cereal.
Barley: Final answer??????
Graystripe: No, It's my Final potato Of Course it's my Final answer!
Barley: And HE GOT IT RIGHT! Your at 900 dollars, Graystripe!
Graystripe: Whoa, that fast????
Barley: You bet! Are you ready for your next question???
Graystripe: *Nods*
Barley: Okay! Here we go; Which warriors pairing is most popular on the Warriors forums? Is it A - JayXWillow, B - LionXCinder, C - JayXCinder, or D - LionXPurdy???
Graystripe: WHAT? I don't even know who those cats are!!
Barley: *Shrugs* Not my problem.
Graystripe: Okay well I'll guess I'll use one of my life lines.
Barley: Which one?
Graystripe: Uhh . . . I'll use ask the audience.
Barley: You can't.
Graystripe: What? Why not?!
Barley: You used that one.
Graystripe: I DID NOT!
Barley: Did too.
Graystripe: Okay, FINE, I'll use Fifty-Fifty!
Barley: No.
Graystripe: Phone a Firend???
Barley: No.
Graystripe: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, PHONE A HAM!!!!
Barley: Pick a Ham . . . any Ham.
Graystripe: -_-' the one in my personal stash.
Barley: Okay, lets call Graystripe's ham!
*Studio calls Graystripe's Ham*
Phone: Nom Nom Nom Nom
Graystripe: What the-- IS SOMEBODY EATING MY HAM!?!!
Barley: I'm sorry, that's the wrong answer!
Graystripe: What, No! That wasn't my answer!!!
Barley: *ignores* But don't worry everybody, he's not going home empty handed! He still won 5 dollars! Give him a hand!!!
Audience: *Applause*
Fireheart: *Yelling louder then applause* WOW!!! 5 Dollars! We can buy some KitKats now!!!
Graystripe: :/

---

(This one was actually useful.)

Alder Bark - Reduces swelling and prevents infection when chewed and applied to a wound. May also be chewed
by a cat with a toothache to reduce pain, swelling, and aid in preventing complications.

Alfalfa - Prevents tooth decay.

Allspice - The pulp can be used for toothache. It should NEVER be swallowed, just applied to the affected area.

Aloe Vera - The gel within the leaves prevent scars, and treat burns, skin diseases, and bruises. The actual
herb must NOT be consumed!

Ash Tree - New shoots can be eaten to counter adder poison.

Ash Tree Seeds - Treats cramps if consumed.

Aspen Tree Bark - Relieves stress and soothes restlessness and distraughtness.

Basil - Fights infection and intestinal parasites. Stimulates the immune system. Leaves should be ingested.

Bay - Fresh leaves should be applied to wounds to help treat them. It also soothes sore joints, treats infections,
and repels bugs.

Bay Laurel - A digestive stimulant and indigestion reliever.

Bearberry - For liver disorders.

Black Mustard - Helps in many different ways. Can soothe chest congestion, coughing,
helps with the digestive tract, arthritis, poor blood circulation, and acts as an antibacterial and an anti-fungal.

Burdock Leaves - If chewed, should be applied to a NON-INFECTED wound to speed up healing.

Burdock Root - Mainly used for treating rat bites. Apply thoroughly chewed root to a wound; can also treat rashes or baldness. Internally, treats aching
joints and removes poison in the bloodstream.

Cedar Leaf - Good for infections.

Cedar wood - Oil can be used to treat skin problems, as an insect repellant, or can help with moderate respiratory problems.

Celandine - Soothes damaged or irritated eyes; can prevent blindness. Also aids blind eyes.

Celery - Treats headaches, stomach aches, and ulcers. Can help with kidney or bladder problems, though should be
avoided if either area is inflamed.

Celery Seeds - Help rid the body of a chemical that causes inflammation and swelling in arthritis.

Chamomile - Soothes frayed nerves. Ingest the leaves

Cherries - Cures coughs, but is also mildly poisonous. (Not fatal. Use as a last resort.)

Chervil Root - Treats bellyache. Relaxes restlessness. It is also good for building stamina and strength.

Chickweed - Treats greencough and minor whitecough. Can be used in blackcough, though it is almost useless

Daisy Leaves - Treats aching joints.

Dandelion - Treats colds, bronchitis, pneumonia, ulcers, itching and internal injuries.

Dandelion Roots - Help dispose of skin bacteria, stimulate the digestive system, and support the liver.

Juniper Berries - Treats bellyaches and sometimes troubled breathing.

Lavender - Treats chills; leaves and flowers are particularly good for head and throat pains. Inhaling the scent of fresh flowers may calm a cat. Also cures
fever.

Lamb's Ears - Builds strength.

Mallow - Treats broken bones.

Marigold - Leaves and Flowers should be consumed to relieve chills. Leaves and Petals can be chewed and placed on wounds to prevent infection.

Marigold Petals - When crushed, used to prevent against infection of serious wounds. Avoid around eyes, for it can irritate the skin.

Poppy Seeds - Used to help cats or kittens sleep, and also to dull pain.

Parsley - Seeds and leaves contain liquid that help with fever, freshen breath, and help with allergies

Rose Hips - Very high in Vitamin C, good for colds, flu, etc. Can also be eaten if there is no prey.

Rosemary - A good digestive aid and kills bacteria.

Rosemary Blooms - Should be broken and used to heal eye infection or to treat wounds around the eyes or eyelids.

Crushed Lotus Roots - Used to aid alertness, so that you will not fall asleep. (Energizer)

Poppy Seeds - Used to help dull the hunger, or pain in your paws.

Tansy Leaves - Used to keep your hunger at bay.

Skullcap Seeds - Used to give you extra strength.

Lavender Stem - Calms a cat in shock.

Lemon - Can be chewed to a pulp, or balm, which in turn treats wounds, viral infections, digestive problems, or cramps.
It can also be used as a sedative.


NOTE:
DEATHBERRIES Red berries that cause death if eaten.

---

You stumble (or fly) into the town in the middle of the night. The sign says, "Welcome to Chansville, town of the past!" You are hungry and tired, because you have been walking all night, searching for refuge. You see why the town is the "town of the past"; the buildings are like old west buildings. There is a large forest in the middle of the town. You walk into it, and keep going deeper in. Suddenly you come to large clearing, where there are injured animals and strong animals all around. A tiger comes up to you. "Hello, and welcome to Chansville Forests," he growls. "I am the director of the Elite Animal Defense Society. We protect animals from danger. Will you join?"


Shifty

ERROR For now, the Shifty is our banner.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Full credit to Driftberry, a.k.a. Music, for that banner.


Director(is all ranks): Strike (%Treestar%. Animal: Tiger)

Co-Director (works as whatever rank): Socks ([User 1]. Animal: tiger)

Scouts (scout out endangered animals): Music ([User 2]. Animal: A silver timber wolf with yellow eyes)



Defenders (defend the animals from people who are destroying their habitats):


Take-carers (take care of injured animals):


Spies (acts like helpless animals in a habitat about to be destroyed, then pops up and shuts down the operation):


Hunters (hunt food for the rescued animals and the agents):



To join:


Screenname:
Codename:
Type of animal(must be real animal, not a unicorn or something):
Rank:


No cursing. Post once every two weeks, or you will be deleted.If you don't post for a week, onto the danger list you go. Danger list:


No one!



Please join if you care about animals.


News

EADS was created.
A wounded tiger was rescued.
Agent Socks joined.
A sick guinea pig was rescued.
Agent Music joined.
A raccoon in a coma was rescued.
A wolf cub was rescued.
A bleeding fox was captured by the City Establishing Co., and the Co. are going to try to cut down the forest!
Tiny was healed and set free.
An injured chickadee was rescued.
EADS was re-created.


Animals in our care:

Bone: tiger with a crushed back left leg. May never recover.

Bandit: raccoon in a coma.

Moss: red she-wolf pup with scars on her legs.

DeeDee: chickadee with a broken leg.



Animals are set free when they are healed.


Animals healed and set free


Tiny: formerly very sick guinea pig. Healed March 7, 2011.



Join now. This is a remake of the old EADS, which was deleted or something. I don't know. Anyway... Agent Music and Agent Socks. YOU WILL NOT BE DELETED AFTER THE TIME LIMIT. This does not apply to you until you are notified of the moving of EADS. So... Join now, the rest of you.


---

CONFIRMED SPOILERS!




We'll FINALLY find out where Ashfur is in the afterlife. (FINALLY!)

We will discover if Holly is alive in book five. (Vicky posted this on her blog.)

Rowanclaw will be ShadowClan's new deputy.

'Night Whispers' will have a chapter or multiple chapters in the point of view of Flametail of ShadowClan, while still focusing on all our good buddies in ThunderClan. the release date is November 23rd.

In 'The Sign of the Moon', the fourth 'Omen of the Stars' book, we'll be seeing more from our old pals in the tribe! Hurray!

There will be a super edition book surrounding Crookedstar. It may be called 'Crookedstar's Secret', but the title is unconfirmed. Why did Crookedstar allow a pairing between his own daughter and a cat from another Clan? Was Brambleberry his mate? With Oakheart, his brother, also having a forbidden love, could there be a sinister phrophecy here? Find out in 2011!

The cat on the cover of 'Night Whispers' is NOT Firestar or Lionblaze. It's Flametail of ShadowClan.

'SkyClan's Destiny' will be availible on August 3rd, 2010, and will feature a civil war amongst the SkyClan cats. Leafstar will have a point of view.

The third book in the Ravenpaw Trilogy will be 'The Heart of a Warrior' and the cover will feature both Ravenpaw and Barly. It will be released on August 3rd, 2010.



Spoilers that were proved false:


Leafpool dies protecting Icecloud cause she knows how much Lionblaze loves her. (OMG, that is just ridiculous. Lionblaze is with CINDERHEART now, people! Lionblaze had ONE SHORT SCENE with Icecloud, and showed nothing other than affection for a denmate.)

Onestar and Blackstar kill Firestar. (He still has lives left! This may have started because of the whole Firestar and Russetfur scene at the end of Fading Echos.)

Squirrelflight runs away and might not return. (I see how this might have started, but she seems to be starting to fit in again, so there was no real base for this.)

Sandstorm becomes an Elder out of depression. (No comment. 0_0 )

Brackenfur or Graystripe become leader. (Firestar still. Has. Lives. Left. But these two would both be good leaders.)

Lionblaze killed Leopardstar (Why the **** would he do that?)

Brambleclaw is Crippled. (This may have arisen from the Briarlight injuries. If Erin released a hint, maybe someone took it the wrong way.)

Crowfeather shows no emotion for leafpool. (This one may be true, but I think he's just HIDING his emotions.)



Unconfirmed Spoilers:



(Okay, I am a FIRM believer in this one.) Tigerstar wanted a battle between ThunderClan and ShadowClan. Why? He has cats supporting him in both Clans? Also, Lionblaze said he barely hurt Russetfur, but she died! Suppose Tigerstar killed her so TIGERHEART could be deputy!

Mousefur will go into depression. (Pretty likely, actually…)

Twist will return! (Pretty pleaseeeeeeeeee!!!! This would be a great plot twist! *Wah, horrible pun*)

Firestar will 'pull a Tallstar' and change the deputy as he's about to die. (It's already happened with Tallstar. No good repeating it.)

Berrynose will be deputy. (NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!)

Jayfeather sees StarClan, and Lionblaze sees the Dark Forest. Will Dovepaw see...somewhere else? (Ohh....maybe!)

Purdy will stay with ThunderClan until he dies. (Ditto Roll Eyes)

Icecloud will be mad at Cinderheart for going steady with Lionblaze. (This would be cool, but irrevilant.)

Willowshine X Jayfeather (NO!!!!!)

Cinderhear X Lionblaze (Keeping my fingers crossed.)

Icecloud X Lionblaze (NO!!!!!!! Again.)

Hollyleaf X Sol (This is just scary....)

Dovepaw and Ivypaw will be Dovewing and Ivypool. (Maybe, maybe not. I'm not really sure.)

Heathertail still loves Lionblaze (No. Way!)

Ivypaw, Dark Forest Cats, and Hollyleaf will attempt to destroy the three. (Ivy and Holly are SIBLINGS of the three! Would you kill your siblings? Oh...wait...don't answer that.)

Leafpool MIGHT go back to MC!!!! YAYZELS!

Hollyleaf HAD powers until Outcast. (This is kinds weird, and makes NO sense to me)

There is no Dove's Wing / Dovepaw connection. (This makes sense to me.)

Cinderpelt loved Firestar, so Cinderheart will have a weird crush on him. (Ooook....no comment....)

Brambleclaw will not succeed Firestar. (This makes perfect sense to me.)

Half Moon having 'strong haunches' and Whispering Breeze 'not minding wet paws' are important details. (And whoooooooooo does Half Moon's father look like? Hmmmm?)

Hollyleaf is alive. (Strongly believing this. Why? Because of this:
Firefawn(Q): why did you kill Hollyleaf?
VickyHolmes(A): Did I? Where does it say that?)

Brightspirit will return. (Erin said it's 'highly likely')

Leopardstar X Tigerstar (This was pretty much confirmed by Erin.)

The three can go. Back. In. Time./Bring. Back. Dead. Cats. Eeker (This. Is. Awesomely scary!!!!!!! Please let it be true! *finger cross*)

It is presumed that Flametail will have a point of view in Night Whispers. Why? Flametail isn't an active, super-important character in OOTS - so why would Flametail get his own POV? There are two major theories I have discovered for this:
Theory 1: Flametail's point of view is prologue - nothing more.
Theory 2: Flametail has a forbidden relationship which plays a major part in the series.
Theory 2 has many holes - although it is an interesting idea. While this could happen - it would distract from the main point of the OOTS series: the Prophecies. This is, assuming Flametail is a main character. What if Flametail fell in love with Dovepaw? Could that make him important enough to have his own point of view? Maybe.

I think it far more likely that Flametail would discover something important if he is going to be featured throughout Night Whispers. What if he learns the existence of the Prophecy? Could that be important enough or him to get his own point of view? I'm not sure... What are your thoughts about Flametail in Night Whispers?


Sorreltail will die. (What would be the point?)

Firestar's death scene is already written and planned (I'm a strong believer in this one. Just seems very Erin-y)

When Brambleclaw is about to die, he will love Squirrelflight again and she will say she is expecting his kits. (OMG! That would be EPIC! Eeker )

Many Warriors fans doubt that we have seen the last of BloodClan. Could Night Whispers mark the return of this dark Clan? What are your thoughts?




Confirmed wrong


Mousewhisker X Poppyfrost (Where did this come from? Probably the Poppyfrost X Berrynose thing.)

Birchfall is the ‘Long Shadows’ traitor (Everyone said: Is so obvious it’s Ashfur, that it has to be someone else. XD )

Mistystar will be rebelled against. (Why? She’s awesome!)

Firestar dies in Long Shadows (Well, we all know this isn’t true by now. Where did this come from?)

Heathertail is EVIL!!!!!!!!!! (Uh…..)

Wolves attack ThunderClan! Mwahahah! (Where da heck did this come from? This makes 0 sense.)

Hawkfrost will try to control Dovepaw. (It’s obvious where this came from.)

Rosepetal X Toad step (Ew…They are BROTHER AND SISTER! Apparently, people are SOOO desperate for pairings that they aren’t checking family trees anymore….I, personally, think that Blossemfall X Toadstep would be cute.)

(Totally unconfirmed.) The three have powers because They are related to every Clan!
ThunderClan: Duh.
SkyClan:Their mother was Sandstorm, and Sandstorm's father, Redtail, is decended from Birdflight and Cloudstar of SkyClan. (Redtail's sister is Spottedleaf)
ShadowClan: See above. Tigerstar is related to Spottedleaf, because he too is decended from Birdflight and Cloudstar, and he was leader of ShadowClan.
Kittypet: Firestar, and thus Firestar's ancestors, were kittypets.
Lonors/rouges: It is believed that Firestar's mother was Violet, who used to be a lonor. Even if this isn't true, Tigerstar was a rouge for a while, and that should count for something. Oh, and Tigerstar's mate, Sasha, was a rouge too.
RiverClan: Tigerstar's (see above) kin, Mothwing and Hawkfrost, are of RiverClan.
WindClan: Crowfeather is Jay and Lion's father, and Dove is related to Jay and Lion.
Tribe: Jayfeather has his mysterious roots in the tribe. Is this going to be explained in Sign of the Moon?
BloodClan: Scourge is CONFIRMED to be Firestar's half-brother.
So, as you can see, the three are related to everyone. Could this be why they were granted powers?

Clans lose faith in StarClan. (This one started a loooooooong time ago, and probably because of ShadowClan and Sol and that whole thing.)

Also, there were a bunch of weird ideas for warrior names. Some came pretty close. Others…not so much. Take a look:
Holly frost (VERY Pretty name!
Lion claw (Probably because that’s what ‘Heatherstar’ called him.)
Honeyfur/Honeytail/Honeypelt (Not even close.)
Poppyfur/Poppy seed (Pretty names, but these were also incorrect.)
Foxfur/Fox claw (Do foxes have claws?)
Icefrost/Iceclaw (I like Icefrost, but it was incorrect too. L )
Tigerfur/Tigerpelt/Tiger claw (Heck, I like Tigerheart MUCH better. And WHO in the right mind would call him Tigerclaw?)
Dawngaze (OMG, I love this name too!)
Heathergaze (Lovin these ‘gaze’ names! Too bad they’re all wrong….)
Willowreed/Willowpelt (Willowshine is better. It’s more original.)
Kestrelwing (That’s actually pretty close…)



Have you noticed?:


Cats seem to shrug a lot. Did any of you know that cats cannot shrug? They are missing some shrugging bones that we humans have.

People are getting DESPERATE to find Lionblaze a mate! Some make sense, like Lion X Cinder, but Lion X Honey, Ice, and TWIST may be going a bit too far. When I heard some disturbed fan say Lion X Breeze, I knew things were getting a BIT out of hand…

Rowanclaw changes genders! First, it says they are a she-cat, but now he’s Tawneypelt’s mate. XD

Heavystep and Blackclaw seemed to have snuck nine lives….(Heavystep died three times that we know of, and Blackclaw was a senior warrior in the first book.)

Tigerstar is half kitty pet! Eeker I don’t think he knows…someone should inform him. Ohh…that could be funny.

Ashfur is related to Squirrelflight! Eeker It’s not even that distant! Read Bluestar’s prophecy! Redtail and Brindleface are brother and sister or something (XD I’m to lazy to check.) and Redtail had Sandstorm, and Brindleface had Ashfur!

Both Crowfeather and Sandstorm have magical, color-changing eyes! (Prettttttty…)

And ahh…the wonders of vanishing cats, like Darkflower, Nightwing, and Brightflower of ShadowClan, who poofed with no explanation! And let’s not forget the ‘other’ Ashfur! Eeker ShadowClan once had a cat with the same name as the almost-murderer, Ashfur…creepy. WindClan, however, have lost even more cats, like Tawneyfur, Runningbrook, Robinwing, and Thistlepaw. Not even RiverClan could escape these strange happenings, for both Silverpaw and Splashpaw have disappeared. Strangely, ThunderClan has never had a vanishing cat…

Y’know what’s even better than vanishing cats? Cats that are spoken of, or even seen, but never spoken of in the Alligiances. I’m talking about Greenflower of RiverClan, and Crowfur of WindClan, who were mentioned in ‘Forest of Secrets’, and never appeared again. This also happened with THREE WindClan cats in ‘Dawn’. Gorsetail, Owlpaw, and Ashfoot. (Luckily, all three of these cats reappear later.) Moonrise also had this mistake, this time with Reedpaw of RiverClan (After he disappeared, is it possible he became Reedwhisker somehow?) In ‘Starlight’, two more cats were mentioned without being listed. Nightcloud and Darkfoot, both of WindClan, who seems to not be very good at listing their cats.

Bumblestripe is called BUMBLEFLIGHT in the Alligences of Fading Echo’s.




Mistaks upon Mistacs! (People who SAY things are mistakes, when ACTUALLY THEY are the mistaken ones! )


Someone said that, Quote: “In Into The Wild; it takes Firepaw one book to train for becoming a warrior, but when daughters train it takes them 4 books.”
Why this is NOT a mistake: Because it skips more time in the first book, using stuff like: “2 moons later” or “After another quarter-moon” while more of Squirrelpaw’s time was included and told in detail.

Someone said that, Quote: “When Rusty met Graypaw, Graypaw said it was his first night as an apprentice. How would he know the territory that well, and since when does the Clan allow for apprentices wandering off in the middle of the night.”
Why this is NOT a mistake: The way Greypaw words it, it sounds like he meant it’s his first night being ALONE as an apprentice, witch would make more sense.

Someone said that, Quote: “At the start of chapter two on page 20 [Into the Wild] it calls Bluestar a queen. Readers have no idea that she even has kits yet.”
Why this is NOT a mistake: I think the meaning of the word ‘queen’ has been slurred by the warrior series. While queen CAN mean a cat with kits, it can also mean an un-spayed female cat, and I think that is what it means here.

Someone said that, Quote: “One-eye says that "WindClan are many", yet they're usually the smallest Clan...”
Why this is NOT a mistake: Not every cat is listed in the Alligiences, people! Why. Do. People. Not. Understand. This?!?!?

TWO people have said that, quote: "Heathertail has magical color-changing eyes too!"
Why this is NOT a mistake: People, Heather is a PURPLISH-BLUE flower. Her eyes have always been blue.



FAMILY TREES REVEALED!:

Ravenpaw's parents were ROBINWING and FUZZYPELT and his brother was DUSTPELT. It is believed thathis parents died fighting for Sunningrocks shortly before Rusty joined the clan.

TECHNICLY, Sandstorn is Ravenpaw's NIECE and Tigerstar's COUSIN. Weird...

Greystripe:
Patchpelt??? X Willowpelt????

Oh, one more thing. Has anyone noticed that Dustpelt is Fernclouds UNCLE?

Why Lionblaze should be leader. (an argument NOT by me.)

well i think lionblaze because he is experianced, a good warrior, has grown out of the battle enjoying stage EVERY apprentice has had, he knows clan politics well( he was able to tell dovepaw exactly what would happen if she went to windclan), he knows the warrior code, he has balanced it with the prophacy, lionblaze has been on alot of missions/ journeys to the tribe, to get the water back, and some people count to find sol. he saved firestar from being totaly killed by russetfur who wouldnt let go, and finally when the tree fell into the camp firestar saw lionblaze do everything he could, use all his strength to save the cats under the tree. firestar had to tell lionblaze to get some rest before he did. thats something firestar likes in cats

Something Random that Really Cracks me up:

50% Of warrior fans are complaining about Firestar still being alive.

50% Of warrior fans are complaining about Firestar going to die soon.

Other things people complain about:
JayXCinder (see below for more on this.)
LionXCinder
LionXIce
Ferncloud, Daisy, Millie, Ivypaw, Lionblaze, and Hollyleaf in general.
All the senior warriors not becoming elders
All the related romance (DustXFern, SquirrelXAsh, etc.
Brambleclaw won't forgive Squirrelflight
Brambleclaw won't become leader
All the forbidden love (excess of forbidden love!)
GrayXMillie

Another Really Random thingie:
Cinder: I don't feel good
Jay: Let me check your temperture. *feels head* Wow, you're hot.
Cinder: *love love love* You really think I'm hot?

Why is Tigerstar so interested in the three? Well, as you can see above, it says that it is suspected that the three can bring back dead cats. Could Tigerstar want them to side with him? He tried to get Jay and Lion to side with him, and now Ivy. Maybe he is hoping to eventually get to Dovepaw?

Revealed in the Erin Hunter Chat: (Thanks firepelt!)
Rock is dead and transcends any of the groups of other dead cats. (Knew that!)
Thunder was named after the Thunderpath. (Kewl!)
HarperCollins didn't feel there was enough material for Allegiances of the Clans. (I had heard that.)
Stormtail and Dappletail didn't have kits together. (Durp.)
Vicky has yet to find a place for an albino cat. (Rats.)
Mapleshade is a is big, tortoiseshell and white she-cat with amber eyes. She's ambitious, cold and dedicated to revenge.
Book four of Omen of the Stars is titled Sign of the Moon and book five is titled The Forgotten Warrior. (Who's the forgotten warrior! Tell me tell me tell meeeeee!)
Smokefoot is not the same cat as Smokepaw. (Oh, nice to have that cleared up...)
Leafpool probably won't take another mate.
Kate's favorite villian is Mapleshade. (I don't like mapleshade! Bring back sol or holly or something! *slaps maple*)
Cinderheart will find out about her past life as Cinderpelt. (Is this good or bad?)
If a kit dies before their eyes and/or ears are open, they will be open in StarClan. (May I point out something? In RL, kits open their eyes and ears after about two weeks, but in the books, they open them right away! Wattttt?
We will find out Ashfur's residence soon. (Finally!!!)
Sagepaw is a warrior, but Vicky couldn't remember his name at the time of the chat. (*Slaps vicky*)
A medicine cat apprentice with their full name cannot take on their own apprentice. (I knew that already.)
Firestar should have lost a life in Ravenpaw's Path. (Should hav? Wat??????)
Heathertail no longer loves Lionblaze. (Oh, really? Ok.)
Tigerheart likes Dovepaw. (No! NO MORE FORBIDDEN LOVE!)
Ivypaw will play a central role in the second half of Omen of the Stars. (Oh, great. Can'tshe just fade into the background? She's kinda meh.)
The daylight warriors kept their kittypet names as prefixes because they didn't want completely new names. (So?)
There are new kits in Sign of the Moon. (*huggles new kits*)
Raggedstar and Thistleclaw, other ShadowClan cats, and some Dark Forest cats gave Tigerstar his nine lives. (*slaps thistleclaw* *Huggles raggedstar* Don't worry, it wasn't your foult... IT WAS THISTLECLAWS!)
The Ancients will appear in Sign of the Moon. (Yayzles! *huggles them all*)
Deadfoot is possibly Crowfeather's father. (O. M. S. C. I'M ****ZING OUT! *scream*)
Pinestar and Poppydawn could be related, but, besides Moonflower and Goosefeather, Vicky didn't figure out family trees past cats born in or around Bluestar's Prophecy. (Well then figure it out, erins!)
Squirrelflight didn't intentionally use Ashfur to make Brambleclaw jealous. (Really? 0_o)
Cats find out about the Dark Forest once they go to StarClan. (Obviously *eyeroll*)
Hawkheart probably went to the Dark Forest. (He was just defending his clan! I don't blame him! He was being a good warrior! Don't do this, erins!)
Unless something happens to Brambleclaw, Graystripe won't be deputy again. (Rats. rats rats rats rats rats.)
Marshkit must have died. (Frowner *cry*)
Dovepaw and Ivypaw may get their warrior names in Sign of the Moon. (So soon? YAY!!!!!)
Tigerstar and Spottedleaf are confirmed to be Cloudstar's descendants. (We knew that!)
Briarlight will live for a little while longer. (A little?!?! NO! She must live forever! She rocks!)
Rowanclaw will be ShadowClan's new deputy. (We knew that already *rolleyes*)
Crowfeather wants to be more involved in his and Leafpool's kits' lives. (Uh oh. You stay in WindClan where you belong, you grouch!)
The fifth series does not have a name yet. (Aw... Frowner)
StarClan has no leader. (Well, DUR!)
Princess is still alive and well. (Yay! *huggles mah prinni! She's the great grandmother of one of the three!)
Blackstar and Russetfur were around the same age. (Ha! blackstar's old!)
HarperCollins asked Vicky to give Firestar's housefolk a new cat so [his housefolk] wouldn't be sad.
Firestar probably showed his kits to Princess. (Aww...I hope so! Pleeeeeeease have a scene about this!)
We will see more of Dawnpelt in Night Whispers.
Flametail is confirmed to have a POV in Night Whispers.
We may see a forbidden relationship between two medicine cats.(PLEASE NOT JAY AND WILLOW!)

---

The Amazing Official Guide to Being Annoying:

Hi there. I'm random. I guess you knew that already. Anywho, I
was bored today and, after memorizing pi and the periodic table and
then reading Harry Potter for the seventeeth time, I decided to make
a random topic on how to make anyone you don't like leave you
alone! Or just annoy people! Or maybe you're just reading this
because you're bored! Or maybe you're an alien trying to understand
humans! (Trust me, alien. This is not the place to go.)

Anywaaaaaay....I have covered, I think, almost everything anyone
could say and an annoying response. Please enjoy this piece of bacon
as you read. *hands bacon* Yes, I am aware that this bacon is not
real, and that is very sad. But then again, you may be a vegetarian.
*hands salad* Unless you don't like salad. But it doesn't matter
anyway because it's a virtual salad. But then again, it might be your
birthday...*hands virtual birthday cake* But then again, you may
just have been attacked by a demenotor....*hands virtual chocolate*
But then again, you may be a vampire...*hands bowl of blood*

But then again, you may just want me to get to the point.

^ There it is. That little point. Isn't it beautiful? Now, here is your
little secret to annoying anyone in the world.

Best of luck.

P.S Yes, some of these are mean. I'm not going to force you to say
it, it's just a suggestion, you know. Oh a dragonfly....*chases*

COMMONLY NEEDED:

To all comments: “Well, it’s all in accordance with the prophecy, you know.” OR “That’s what YOU think!”
Examples:
Them:
“Tracey’s going to go steady with Dana.”
“My pygmy marmoset is hungry.”
“You’re kind of weird.”
You:
“Well, it’s all in accordance with the prophecy, you know.”
OR
Them:
“Tracey’s going to go steady with Dana.”
“My pygmy marmoset is hungry.”
“You’re kind of weird.”
You:
““That’s what YOU think!”


To all exclamations: “There’s no need to shout.”
Examples:
Them:
“Wow! Check it out! A ten dollar bill on the ground!”
“Watch out! An Alien!"
“Stop being so weird!"
You:
“There’s no need to shout.”


To all questions: “Why do you ask? Are you conducting a survey?” OR “Depends on the time of day...”
Examples:
Them:
“Do you like chocolate?”
“Do you believe in the Loch Ness Monster?”
“Do you seriously think you can get away with being this weird?”
You:
“Depends on the time of day...”
OR
Them:
“Do you like chocolate?”
“Do you believe in the Loch Ness Monster?”
“Do you seriously think you can get away with being this weird?”
You:
“Why do you ask? Are you conducting a survey?”


To all ideas: *very happy and excited* “That sounds like a TERRIBLE idea!”
Examples:
Them:
“Hey, we should surprise Taylor for her birthday!”
“You know, if we’re ever captured by aliens, we should try to sell our parents into slavery for a star cruiser.”
“Let’s tape your mouth shut because you’re so weird.”
You:
*very happy and excited* “That sounds like a TERRIBLE idea!”


To all statements ending in “end of discussion.’: “_____, start of new discussion.”
Examples:
Them:
“You’re not going to the concert, end of discussion.”
You:
"I AM going to the concert, start of new discussion."
Them:
“Bigfoot is real, end of discussion.”
You:
“Bigfoot is NOT real, start of new discussion.”
Them:
“You’re weird, end of discussion.”
You:
“I like bacon, start of new discussion.”


To all questions beginning with ‘Where’s my-”: Get a friend in on this and say: “I ate it.” they will say “I helped.”
Them:
“Where’s my bagel?”
“Where’s my manatee?”
“Where’s my death ray gun?”
You:
“I ate it.”
A friend:
“I helped.”


To all Basic Commands: “Don’t tell me what to do!”
Them:
“Have a great weekend!”
“Watch out for aliens.”
“Stop being weird.”
You:
"Don’t tell me what to do!”


To all whisperings: “Oh, so you like to whisper too? Isn’t it fun?”
Them:
*whispering* “Hey, I hear that Kayla likes Damon.”
“Hey, I think our principal is sasquach in disguise.”
“Hey, have you noticed how weird *YOUR NAME HERE* is?”
You:
“Oh, so you like to whisper too? Isn’t it fun?”


To all announcements in a store: “THE VOICES HAVE COME BACK!” *cower*
Them:
*through intercom/microphone* “The store will be closing in ten minutes.”
“In case of an alien invasion, please file through the front door in an orderly fashion.”
“Shoppers, please beware the weird person in aisle twelve.”
You:
“THE VOICES HAVE COME BACK!” *cower*


To any joke: “Hey, I know a joke too! Ask me if I’m a truck.” Are you a truck? “NO!”
Them:
“Hey, want to hear a joke?”
You:
“I know a joke! Ask me if I’m a truck.”
Them:
“Um...are you a truck?”
You:
"NO!"


To anyone who tells you to look at something: “LOOK A GUY WITH TWO ARMS!”
Them:
“Look at those horses!”
“Look, Bigfoot!”
“Look, a weird person like you!”
You:
“Look, a guy with two arms!” *point*


To anyone who says your name: “That’s Center of the Universe/Mr.Awesomeness/Magnificent One/Conquistador/Bob to you!"
Them:
“Hi, *your name*!”
“Do you believe in Sasquatch, *your name*?”
“You’re just weird, *your name*”
You:
“That’s Center of the Universe/Mr.Awesomeness/Magnificent one/Conquistador/Bob to you!

Repeat everything as a question:
Them:
“Oh hi, I haven’t seen you in a while!”
You: “You haven’t seen me in a while?”
Them:
“I think bigfoot is real.”
You: “You think Bigfoot is real?”
Them:
“Oh, you’re that weird kid...”
You: “I’m that weird kid?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RARELY NEEDED:
To any math teacher who tells you to find 'x' (or y, or any variable): *point to the variable on the board* I FOUND IT!!!!!!

To anyone who tells you that 'gullible' is written on the ceiling: *without looking up* Yeah, but it's spelled wrong.

To anyone who tells you your sock's untied: *without looking down* "So's yours."

To anyone who says "Excuse me?" or "Excuse me." : "You're excused. The door's over there."

To anyone talking about their boyfriend/girlfriend, going on a date, etc.: [Boy Name] and [Girl Name] sitting in a tree . K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes an abrupt, tragic miscarriage. Then comes blame, then comes despair. Two hearts damaged beyond repair. [Boy Name] leaves [Girl Name] and takes the tree . D-I-V-O-R-C-E!

To anyone who mentions eyes: "EYES ARE JUST COLORED SPHERES OF FLUID IN YOUR FACE!"

To anyone who mentions hair: "IT'S NOT HAIR! IT'S A BEARD ON MY HEAD!"


---


Alright! Quick! Donate to Save the Cheezballs!


What is Save the Cheezballs?


It's a nonprofit organization. For short, it's STC. We need YOU to donate cheezballs, or the cheezballs will all VANISH! Why? Because the DACITW (Destroy All Cheezballs In The World) is trying to destroy all cheezballs! No stealing/eating cheezballs! When we get to 45,999 cheezballs or more, I release all the cheezballs back to earth!


Cheezballs that have been donated (and sent to the moon for a temporary colonization): 45,780


---


Random Cop: Hey! Shouldn't you kids be in school?
Aaron: Wha... How does he know we're here? We're imaginary!
Eel: He looks mad...
RC: Come here now...
Aaron: OH NO! SCHOOL!! RUN EEL AND HYPER! RRUUUUNNNN!!!
RC: *catches them all*
*************************************************
In the courtroom...
Judge: I understand that you three are not in school. And you are supposed to be.
Aaron: Did you really need to bring us into court?
Judge: Yes.
Aaron: ...
Judge: Anyway, you will be taken to school NOW. What school do you go to?
Aaron: We don't go to ANY school! We're imagi-
Judge: YOU DON'T GO TO SCHOOL?! THEN WE'LL BRING YOU IN TO Treestar's School for Rebellious Kids!
Eel: WE AREN'T REBELLIOUS! *cries*
Aaron: Oh wow. Nice going TREESTAR.
Me: *shrugs* I had to make it so that we could have a good plot.
Random Cop: HEY! SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN SCHOOL?!
Me: *runs*
RC: *chases me*
Judge: Anyway....
Aaron: I want to say something!
Judge: What is it?
Aaron: WE ARE NOT REAL! WE'RE TREESTAR'S IMAGINARY FRIENDS!
Judge: Tell it to the principal, kid.
Aaron: I didn't want to have to do this, but... *hands Hyper 2 Snickers bars*
Hyper: *eats them*
Judge: No food in the courtroom!
Hyper: *goes crazy and runs around beating everyone up*
Aaron: *smiles and runs*
*************************************************
Aaron: I can't believe it. THEY CAUGHT HYPER. And now we're in SCHOOL!
School Bully: *comes up* Hey punks. I'm Garret. And I'm going to show you who's the boss.
Eel: *throws pack of Oreos to Hyper* YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Hyper: *inhales the Oreos and leaps at Garret*
*************************************************
Teacher: All right now class, settle down. I'm going to ask you your names...
*When everyone has introduced themselves except Eel and Aaron and Hyper...*
Teacher: Alright, and what's your name?
Hyper: *is tied to chair and is panting*
Aaron: Um... his name is Hyper.
Teacher: What's his real name?
Aaron: Hyper.
Teacher: What? Okay, tell me his REAL, FULL, name.
Aaron: *takes deep breath* Hyperactive Random Insanican Omnomming Brownielova Cookienom Pieroxsox Rillard Geckobrownie Hamsterpanda Cheezballmasterfunnelcakestarcandy Hobotrashcancookienommingpie.
Teacher: Okay, okay. You win. I'll call him Hyper. What's your name?
Eel: Eel.
Teacher: I'm getting sick of-
Eel: Well, my full name is Eel Eelee Eeler Eeling Eelish Eellover Eelcollector Eelstar Eelman.
Teacher: Okay, you win, I'll call you Eel. And what's your name?
Aaron: Aaron.
Teacher: Good, finally a real, normal-
Aaron: Aaron Tiger Lion Cobra Zebra Turtle Rogers Duke Awesomesauce Cottoncandy Hotdog ABCDEFG Bob Hobo Hippie Hillbilly of the Cheezball Lovers Society the eleventh.
Teacher: DETENTION, ALL THREE OF YOU!

*************************************************
In detention...
Eel: *sniffle* I can't believe she gave us detention!
Aaron: We've got to break out of this.
Me: No you don't! Because... *waves hand*
Aaron: Treesta-
*************************************************
Outside...

Aaron: WHOA! We're out! We just... appeared here!
Me: Yep! And you're imaginary again!
Eel: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! *runs off*
Hyper: HE HAS CANDY BARS IN HIS POCKET! *runs after Eel*
Aaron: ...

---

This is the tale of how the Insanity Army came to be. I wrote some of it, but it epically failed. Now it is back.



So, in case you don't know what the Insanity Army is, it's an army of insanity and randomness. The Insanity Army is:


The evil ninja hamsters, and the giant cheeseballs armed with potato launchers, and the giant meatballs armed with cabbage launchers, and the sparkly princess pony vampires, and the cymbol-playing sock monkeys, and the random dancing monkeys, and the deviled spagetti, and the Cheeseman, and the Pieman, and the human-sized purple polka-dotted sporks, and the vampire ninja hobos, and the Cookieman, and the Cakeman, and the Waffleman, and the hobo gerbils, and the hairy ninja piecheeses, and the fire-breathing princess hippies, and the frogamanders (frog salamanders), and the snuffle rumpuses that fling banana muffins, and a big fat raccoon with a pet taco. Space Unicorns
Tiger hobo ninjas
Zombie hobo leprechauns
Fairy squirrel Pegasi
Bermuda Triangle gnomes
Executioner bunny aliens
Pluto unicorns
Wizard skunk phoenixes
Scribe tiger tornados
Ireland Phoenixes
Hogwarts Elves
Hatter frog dragons
Flying turkey pigs
Knight chicken fairies



If you have taken my "Randomboredness" polls, you know very well what the Insanity Army can do, and what it's like to battle them. But how was this huge army made? That's what I'm here to tell you. You see, it all started with a small group of evil ninja hamsters...



Chapter 1: (Ninjanac the evil ninja hamster's POV)


"Ninjanac! Ninjanac! Wake up!"
Ninjanac awoke with a start. He had just had a very odd dream. He was just sitting there, minding his own business, when suddenly a sock monkey holding cymbols came up, with an actual monkey (that seemed to be dancing halfheartedly) behind it. Even weirder, a clump of spagetti was alongside the dancing monkey, using some of its noodles to drag itself along. But that was just a dream. This was the real world.
"What is it, Runner?" groaned Ninjanac. "Ninjanac, we're under attack! The squirrels found us!"
Ninjanac leaped up instantly. A large group of squirrels had been attacking the ninja hamsters whenever they tried to settle somewhere. Three of the hamsters, Princess, Bob, and ****, had been lost fighting. There were only four of them left now: Ninjanac, Runner, Giggles, and Macoroni. They couldn't afford to fight, certainly not with so few of them left. Plus, Giggles was very close to having Runner's pups. (Note from Treestar: Yes, baby hamsters are called pups. Look it up if you don't believe me.)
Ninjanac raced outside of his den, an old abandoned gopher hole. Giggles was stumbling away through the field where they had stayed for the past few weeks. But that was going to change now, thanks to the squirrels. Macaroni was fighting to keep the squirrels from following, but he was making little headway. Ninjanac leaped into battle alongside him, and Runner raced after Giggles. Ninjanac flung his front paws at one squirrel and pinned it down, killing it with a bite to the neck. Then he cannoned forward into another squirrel. Hamster and squirrel rolled around, each trying to kill the other. They kept this up for quite a while, until Ninjanac heard Macoroni: "Ninjanac! Quick! We can't hold them off for much longer, and Giggles and Runner have reached the human's settlement!" Ninjanac shoved the squirrel off and ran, with Macoroni right behind him. He knew that they would be safe in the town. He only hoped that it was true that Runner and Giggles had reached the town, and that they weren't ambushed in their desparate attempt to reach safety.


---


Thomas and Eric crouched inside their tent. Something was outside. They had just heard the bushes rustle, and then a twig snapped. Now they waited for it to come closer. Snap. There went another twig. A grunt came from outside.
“What do we do?” whispered Eric. “I don’t know,” replied Thomas. “It could be a bear… or… or Bigfoot.”
“What’s Bigfoot?” Eric, the younger of the two, asked.
“You don’t know?” Thomas asked in amazement. “Why, he’s only the most terrifying creature in the woods. He’s big and tall and hairy and he has a horrible smell.”
Eric gasped. “Then that smell isn’t a skunk?”
Thomas sniffed the air. “Wow! His smell! Yeah, that’s not a skunk. Does that look like a skunk to you?” He motioned toward a large shadow that was on the side of their tent.
“What do we do?!” asked Eric frantically. “Don’t. Move. A. Muscle,” Thomas replied. A roar came from outside. Eric screamed. Sharp claws tore through the tent. Thomas flung himself forward to meet the beast.
“Run! Run, Eric! Run and don’t stop!”
Eric threw a flashlight at the beast, but only succeeded in hitting Thomas on the head.
“Owww! RUN, Eric, RUN!”
Eric ran.
He ran and ran and didn’t stop. He reached a small clearing. When he was halfway across, he was tackled and stared in the face by…
“Bigfoot!”
But Bigfoot was laughing! He fell off and cracked up.
“Wha…” Eric stammered. Suddenly Thomas came into the clearing, laughing.
“We totally had you there! Oh, man, that’s John!”
“John?” Eric asked. John was Thomas’s friend. “That wasn’t nice. How do you do that?
Thomas shrugged. “Ape suit, horrible-smelling perfume.” Suddenly a growl came from the forest. They all turned and saw glowing red eyes. A horrible smell hit the air.
“Uh, Thomas?” Eric whispered. “Is this another one of your friends?”
Thomas shook his head. “Don’t worry, this is probably just a raccoon or something.”
“What about the smell?
“Probably still the perfume.”
But, it wasn’t. A large hairy ape-man, aka the real Bigfoot, leaped out of the bushes with a shriek.



The next day the brothers and John were all over the news, reported missing by their parents.


---



Prologue

"Lionblaze, she's coming!" said Cinderheart.

"Our kit?" asked Lionblaze.

"Of course," replied Cinderheart.

Lionblaze hung his head. "I wanted pizza!" he cried.

Jayfeather violently ripped the kit out of Cinderheart. He pulled so hard it killed Lionblaze and Cinderheart.

"What a beautiful kit," said Jayfeather.

"But you're blind, so you can't see it!" cried Dovewing.

"Dovewing, if you mother this kit, I will be it's father," said Jayfeather.

And so JayXDove was born.

"Call her Suekit," suggested Ivypool.

And so the kawaii kit was named Suekit.


Chapter One

"Suekit, it's time for your apprentice ceremony," said Dovewing.

"Will dad be watching?" asked Suekit.

"No, because he can't see," replied Dovewing. "But he will listen to it on the radio."

"He can't, I sat on the radio and broke it," said Spottedleaf.

Suekit was so kawaii and amazing that she brought Spottedleaf back to life. Sometimes she heard the cats talking about Cinderheart and Lionblaze, but she didn't know who they were.

"Suekit, you'll be a great clan leader!" said Berrynose. "Better than me!"

Suekit acted humble and perfect.

"Suekit is amazing," Firestar had said. "I'd take her as my mate, but she's my great-grandkit." Suekit's nest was somehow made of a Sandstorm, even though they were storms, not fur.

"Daughter, your ceremony is now," said Jayfeather.

Suekit headed out to become an apprentice.


Chapter Two

"Do you think Suekit could be the fourth?" Jayfeather asked Dovewing.

"You're always so obsessed with the prophecy!" Dovewing laughed. "Just enjoy the moment for once! Lionblaze is dead, which is fantastic because we don't have to worry about the prophecy anymore!"

"Jayfeather, I need to make Firestar my mate, but he's still grieving after he killed Sandstorm with a chainsaw!"

"Shut up Spottedleaf, we're discussing the prophecy, I mean, fixing the radio!" Jayfeather yelled. "It doesn't concern you."

"Okay, but I sat on Purdy and he might be dead," replied Spottedleaf.

Jayfeather screamed and shoved the radio down Spottedleaf's throat, killing her again. "Now we're alone and can discuss the prophecy," he told Dovewing.

"No you're not!" Briarlight yelled. "I'm here! You can't talk about the prophecy or I might overhear, and then normal cats will know about it!"

Toadstep walked into and pulled Briarlight into a limo, then drove off and crashed into a tree.

"If Suekit is connected to the prophecy, what do we tell her?" Jayfeather asked.

"Let's not worry about that now," said Dovewing. "I just want to enjoy the day with my mate, and see my daughter become an apprentice."

Suddenly, Dustpelt entered the room. "Suekit's ceremony is beginning now!" he yelled.


Chapter Three

Suekit stared at her leader. In this sunlight, he really did look like he was on fire.

"Suekit, by the powers invested in me, I give you your apprentice name, Suepaw!" he exclaimed. "You are awesome!"

"Who will her mentor be?" asked Jayfeather. "He better not put the moves on my daughter!"

"Her mentor is a she-cat," said Firestar.

"Well she better not put the moves on my daughter!" Jayfeather yelled.

"Before I announce the mentor of Suekit, Graystripe has an announcement," said Firestar.

"Firestar doesn't like waffles!" Graystripe yelled.

"For the last time Graystripe, Daisy told me what a waffle is!!!!!!!!" screamed Firestar, blasting Graystripe's head off.

"Daddy!" Bumblestripe screeched.

"There, there," reassured Blackstar as he kidnapped Bumblestripe.

"Suepaw's mentor is Foxleap," said Firestar.

"I thought you said it was a she-cat!" Jayfeather yelled.

"Foxleap is a she-tom," replied Firestar.

Suddenly, Suepaw saw Cloudtail running towards Firestar.

"You're on fire!" he screamed.

"Oh my StarClan, I am!" gasped Firestar. "Jayfeather, are there any herbs to cure that?"

"Nope," sighed Jayfeather.

Suepaw stared into the flames. It wasn't long until Leafpool started to roast marshmallows on Firestar.


Chapter Four

Ivypool sat with her clan. She sat around, bored out of her mind. Hollyleaf ran into the camp, but nobody cared. It was just a boring day in her clan. After the apprentice ceremony had ended in a fiasco, the leader blamed her.

"I'm so ashamed of you, Ivypool," he said.

Everyone looked at her, but she was just a normal clan cat, no different from anyone else.

Ivypool was going to be deputy, because her clan's deputy had fallen in love with a RiverClan cat and ran off to join them. She still couldn't believe it.

"Why am I making you deputy?" asked her leader. "Why haven't I kicked you out of my clan?"

"I don't know, Onestar," she said.

"If you had rigged the balloons correctly, I might still have a tail!" Onestar screamed.

After Suekit was born, Ivypool had joined WindClan for no reason at all.

Onestar ran into his den. Hollyleaf and Breezepelt played cards. "This is stupid!" Hollyleaf screamed and ran away.

"Ivypool, be my mate," said Crowfeather.

"Crowfeather is my mate!" screamed Leafpool, brandishing a rifle.

"No, he's mine!" Nightcloud roared, as she caressed a bomb.

"He's mine!!!!!!!!!" Feathertail screamed, aiming a rocket launcher at them.

"Ladies, break it up," said Hawkfrost. "Crowfeather's mine."

He threw all three of them to the moon. The moon was actually a pokeball. Dragonite came out and used Hyper Beam, which destroyed the Tribe of Rushing Water.


Chapter Five

"Mom, is Firestar going to die?" asked Suepaw.

"No way!" Dovewing replied. "He'll die."

"StarClan have sent a sign!" Jayfeather yelled. "Suepaw will be the new leader!"

"But I'm not dead!" Firestar yelled.

"Shut up you old codger!" Jayfeather replied.